1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,390
My name's Willam. 
I'm a successful drag queen,

2
00:00:02,395 --> 00:00:06,503
and not some bitch who has
to show for a dollar.

3
00:00:06,503 --> 00:00:09,492
Now no one else can have it.

4
00:00:09,492 --> 00:00:11,925
I'm an ego-maniac. Everybody
knows that.

5
00:00:11,925 --> 00:00:13,373
I'm a power-bottom like that.

6
00:00:13,373 --> 00:00:15,979
I'm a trouble maker and 
a sh*t stirrer.

7
00:00:15,979 --> 00:00:17,770
Me? You must have a television

8
00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:19,428
I got my ass kicked on every major 
network.

9
00:00:19,428 --> 00:00:24,353
I've always been an actor on TV. 
I was on Boston Public with you.

10
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:26,354
I was best friends with Candis Cayne
when she died.

11
00:00:26,354 --> 00:00:29,665
I died on Nip Tuck, CSI New York, Women's
Murder Club. If you

12
00:00:29,665 --> 00:00:32,570
name a cop show in the last 10 years
I've probably been on it.

13
00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:35,558
It's right on my head shots, right 
in there. Just on the way out, so...
(mouth click)

14
00:00:35,558 --> 00:00:38,917
-Willam, you're funny.
-Thank you. Hire me.

15
00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:40,976
I brought 34 pairs of shoes.

16
00:00:40,976 --> 00:00:42,921
I'm just going to have a good
rapport with my shoes.

17
00:00:42,921 --> 00:00:45,449
Breaking out the Westwood.

18
00:00:45,449 --> 00:00:46,631
This is the Westwood.

19
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:47,870
This is Mackie, too.

20
00:00:47,870 --> 00:00:50,158
I'm wearing Alexander McQueen, 
thank you.

21
00:00:50,158 --> 00:00:51,396
Patricia Fields.

22
00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:52,245
They're Versace.

23
00:00:52,245 --> 00:00:53,682
I'm going to Macy's.

24
00:00:53,682 --> 00:00:54,878
Tramp stamp!

25
00:00:54,878 --> 00:00:57,235
My look is "god, I want to go
to Miami,

26
00:00:57,235 --> 00:00:59,265
but I can only afford Ft. Lauderdale."

27
00:00:59,265 --> 00:01:01,266
Ass ass, tittys, hair hair, 
gas mask.

28
00:01:01,266 --> 00:01:04,818
My theme was "Clash of the Titans"
if "Clash of the Titans"

29
00:01:04,818 --> 00:01:06,418
was set in a strip club.

30
00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:09,273
Is anybody shocked that I won 
a slut contest?

31
00:01:09,273 --> 00:01:12,261
He knocked on my door, and
it was a delivery.

32
00:01:12,261 --> 00:01:14,659
Whores get paid. I was a slut.

33
00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:17,522
The hardest part about this 
challenge is not telling

34
00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:18,645
everybody else that I'm 
going to win.

35
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,074
I'm going to learn Spanish by 
the time I win.

36
00:01:20,074 --> 00:01:23,207
It feels correct to win. 
When it's right, it's right.

37
00:01:23,207 --> 00:01:25,301
I won. You know, it's kind of
a hobby of mine.

38
00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:27,333
Thank you, god, for all this bod'.

39
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,235
Touch this, all of this.

40
00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:30,321
Yo' boat gon' blow.

41
00:01:30,321 --> 00:01:32,018
You know what my boat reminds
me of?

42
00:01:32,018 --> 00:01:33,442
-(Jiggly) What?
-A winner.

43
00:01:33,442 --> 00:01:35,538
You shut your ugly boat mouth.

44
00:01:35,538 --> 00:01:38,501
I'm giving you maritime realness
with the Starship Willam.

45
00:01:38,501 --> 00:01:43,882
Amenities include: Wi-Fi, there's a party 
deck and business center.

46
00:01:43,882 --> 00:01:48,673
(singing) My boat is the best. My boat
is pretty.

47
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,985
Crap. Now I'm going to have to be the
funny one and not the pretty one.

48
00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:55,358
(singing) I'm the prettiest one, 
now that Kenya's gone.

49
00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:57,053
(singing) You can't f*ck me.

50
00:01:57,053 --> 00:01:58,712
(singing) I want some breasts.

51
00:01:58,712 --> 00:01:59,810
I wanted a vagina.

52
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:01,973
I love being a woman.

53
00:02:01,973 --> 00:02:04,170
I'm a big boy dresses in big
girl's clothes.

54
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,755
Team talent, hey.

55
00:02:05,755 --> 00:02:09,546
I had a proper ghetto booty, and 
I was the only one wearing lipstick.

56
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:12,513
Team Willam put on a god damn show.

57
00:02:12,513 --> 00:02:14,857
Sex sells, people. Sex sells.

58
00:02:14,857 --> 00:02:16,794
I have good bones.

59
00:02:16,794 --> 00:02:18,420
Your head is so unprofessional.

60
00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:20,554
(imitating) You like that bitch? 
Yeah, I like that, daddy.

61
00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:23,334
You like that, fat bitch?
Whoah!

62
00:02:23,334 --> 00:02:24,990
Yes, some of these bitches fell.

63
00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:27,529
Y'all wish for me to be nice,
then I'm going to try.

64
00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:31,581
Lashauwn thinks he's Magellan, 
splitting the earth in half or something.

65
00:02:31,581 --> 00:02:34,051
-Overgrown orangutan. 
- --grown orangutan.

66
00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:35,739
Like a web-footed duck.

67
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,492
Plus-size Jujubee!

68
00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:38,992
Is the carpet comfortable?

69
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,621
Milan just danced circles around you,
and swiffered the floor

70
00:02:41,621 --> 00:02:42,693
with his taint.

71
00:02:42,693 --> 00:02:45,142
Did Dida not like you? Did you
rob her or something?

72
00:02:45,142 --> 00:02:45,979
Sorry about it.

73
00:02:45,979 --> 00:02:46,915
Sorry about it.

74
00:02:46,915 --> 00:02:48,746
You look like you probably got
f*cked over a

75
00:02:48,746 --> 00:02:49,965
moonshine barrel.

76
00:02:49,965 --> 00:02:51,998
You ain't never going to be in 
"West Side Story" again.

77
00:02:51,998 --> 00:02:54,162
Not even a touring production, bitch.

78
00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:56,714
If I would have made Milan's boat, 
I wouldn't have put

79
00:02:56,714 --> 00:02:57,810
"The Milan Invasion" on it.

80
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:58,975
I would've blamed it one someone else.


81
00:02:58,975 --> 00:03:01,768
Like, "I didn't do this boat. No, this 
is her boat. That girl's boat.

82
00:03:01,768 --> 00:03:02,930
Not my boat."

83
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:06,450
Their heads are uneven, and they
wouldn't let me put nails in them.

84
00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:09,983
Next week, I'm going to wear a burqa. 
A black chiffon burqa, and

85
00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,889
a 301 and say, "Suck it, Michelle."

86
00:03:12,889 --> 00:03:15,825
Don't talk to me, don't look at
the camera. It's about me.


87
00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:17,421
To be late is to be left.

88
00:03:17,421 --> 00:03:18,556
Excuse me, sir.

89
00:03:18,556 --> 00:03:20,345
Epic fail. Hashtag.

90
00:03:20,345 --> 00:03:21,750
Girl, no.

91
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,478
Ding ding ding. Points for everybody.

92
00:03:23,478 --> 00:03:27,998
Nurse. It's like, "Ooh, nurse."
Yeah, because she needs help,

93
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:29,018
and nurses help people.

94
00:03:29,018 --> 00:03:30,245
Nurse!

95
00:03:30,245 --> 00:03:35,571
(Jiggly) Did this bitch really just 
come for me?

96
00:03:35,571 --> 00:03:37,194
What didn't I do?

97
00:03:37,194 --> 00:03:39,558
That's bullsh*t. She should be studied
down there.

98
00:03:39,558 --> 00:03:41,042
I don't understand it.

99
00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:44,364
I never retaliated on the show because
I didn't care.

100
00:03:44,364 --> 00:03:46,512
I tend to think that emotions are for 
ugly people.

101
00:03:46,512 --> 00:03:49,060
It didn't add any humility to me.

102
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:51,649
And I'm not going to "RuPaulogize" 
for anything that I'm doing now.

103
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,473
Your tone seems very pointed right now.

104
00:03:53,473 --> 00:03:55,102
And indifference is worse than hate.

105
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:55,962
Let's go.

106
00:03:55,962 --> 00:03:57,299
Alright now, clean this sh*t up.

107
00:03:57,299 --> 00:03:59,557
Go home, go home.

108
00:03:59,557 --> 00:04:00,785
Bye, girl, bye.

109
00:04:00,785 --> 00:04:01,848
Bye.

110
00:04:01,848 --> 00:04:02,593
Bye.

111
00:04:02,593 --> 00:04:03,470
Bye.