Aye.
By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am
authorized to place you both under arrest
and transport you to a designated resettlement
facility?
Oh, really?
You and what army?
[GASP] [FRIGHTENED EXCLAMATIONS]
Can I say something to you?
Listen, you was really, really something back there.
Incredible.
Are you talking to--
me?
Whoa!
Yes, I was talking to you.
Can I just tell you that you was really great back there, man?
Those guards, they thought they was all of that.
Then you showed up and bam!
They was tripping over themselves
like babes in the woods.
See, that-- that really made me good to see that.
Oh, that's great.
Really--
Man, it's good to be free.
Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom
with your own friends?
Hm?
But, uh, I don't have any friends.
And I'm not going out there by myself.
Hey, wait a minute, I got a great idea.
I'll stick with you!
You a mean, green fighting machine.
Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
[ROARS]
Oh, wow!
That was really scary.
And if you don't me saying, if that don't work,
your breath certainly will get the job done,
'cause you didn't need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause
your breath stinks!
Man, you almost burned the hair off my nose.
Just like the time--
[MUFFLED] And then I ate some rotten berries.
Man, I had some strong gasses eking out of my butt that day.
Why are you following me?
I'll tell you why.
(SINGING) Because I'm all alone.
There's no one here beside me.
My problems have all gone.
There's no one to deride me.
But you gotta have friends--
Stop singing!
Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
Wow.
Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
Listen, little donkey, take a look at me.
What am I?
Uh, really tall?
No!
I'm an ogre.
You know, grab your torch and pitchforks!
Doesn't that bother you?
Nope.
Really?
Really, really.
Oh.
Man, I like you.
What's your name?
Uh, Shrek.
Shrek?
Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
You got that kind of "I don't care what
nobody thinks of me" thing.
I like that.
I respect that, Shrek.
You all right.
Whew, look at that.
Who'd want to live in a place like that?
That would be my home.
Oh!
And it is lovely, just beautiful.
You know, you are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget.
I like that boulder.
That is a nice boulder.
I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
I like my privacy.
You know, I do too.
That's another thing we have in common.
Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face.
You trying give 'em a hint, and they won't leave?
Then there's that big awkward silence, you know?
Can I stay with you?
What?
Can I stay with you?
Please?
Of course!
Really?
No.
Please!
I don't want to go back there.
You don't know what it's like to be branded as a freak.
Well, maybe you do.
But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay.
Please!
Please.
OK, OK.
But one night only.
Oh!
Thank you.
What are you-- No.
No!
Oh, this is going to be fun.
We can stay up late, swapping manly stories.
And in the morning, I'm making waffles.
D'ohhh!
Where do, uh, I sleep?
Outside!
Oh, uh, I guess that's cool.
I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me,
so I guess outside is best, you know.
[SNIFFS] Here I go.
Good night.
[SLAMS DOOR]
[SIGH]