WEBVTT

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Aye.

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By the order of
Lord Farquaad, I am

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authorized to place
you both under arrest

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and transport you to a
designated resettlement

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facility?

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Oh, really?

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You and what army?

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[GASP] [FRIGHTENED EXCLAMATIONS]

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Can I say something to you?

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Listen, you was really,
really something back there.

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Incredible.

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Are you talking to--

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me?

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Whoa!

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Yes, I was talking to you.

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Can I just tell you that you was
really great back there, man?

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Those guards, they thought
they was all of that.

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Then you showed up and bam!

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They was tripping
over themselves

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like babes in the woods.

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See, that-- that really
made me good to see that.

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Oh, that's great.

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Really--

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Man, it's good to be free.

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Now, why don't you go
celebrate your freedom

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with your own friends?

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Hm?

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But, uh, I don't
have any friends.

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And I'm not going
out there by myself.

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Hey, wait a minute,
I got a great idea.

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I'll stick with you!

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You a mean, green
fighting machine.

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Together we'll scare the spit
out of anybody that crosses us.

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[ROARS]

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Oh, wow!

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That was really scary.

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And if you don't me
saying, if that don't work,

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your breath certainly
will get the job done,

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'cause you didn't need some
Tic Tacs or something, 'cause

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your breath stinks!

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Man, you almost burned
the hair off my nose.

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Just like the time--

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[MUFFLED] And then I
ate some rotten berries.

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Man, I had some strong gasses
eking out of my butt that day.

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Why are you following me?

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I'll tell you why.

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(SINGING) Because I'm all alone.

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There's no one here beside me.

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My problems have all gone.

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There's no one to deride me.

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But you gotta have friends--

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Stop singing!

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Well, it's no wonder you
don't have any friends.

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Wow.

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Only a true friend would
be that cruelly honest.

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Listen, little donkey,
take a look at me.

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What am I?

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Uh, really tall?

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No!

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I'm an ogre.

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You know, grab your
torch and pitchforks!

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Doesn't that bother you?

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Nope.

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Really?

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Really, really.

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Oh.

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Man, I like you.

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What's your name?

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Uh, Shrek.

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Shrek?

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Well, you know what I
like about you, Shrek?

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You got that kind of
"I don't care what

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nobody thinks of me" thing.

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I like that.

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I respect that, Shrek.

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You all right.

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Whew, look at that.

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Who'd want to live
in a place like that?

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That would be my home.

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Oh!

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And it is lovely,
just beautiful.

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You know, you are
quite a decorator.

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It's amazing what you've done
with such a modest budget.

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I like that boulder.

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That is a nice boulder.

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I guess you don't
entertain much, do you?

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I like my privacy.

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You know, I do too.

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That's another thing
we have in common.

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Like, I hate it when you
got somebody in your face.

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You trying give 'em a
hint, and they won't leave?

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Then there's that big
awkward silence, you know?

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Can I stay with you?

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What?

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Can I stay with you?

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Please?

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Of course!

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Really?

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No.

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Please!

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I don't want to go back there.

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You don't know what it's like
to be branded as a freak.

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Well, maybe you do.

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But that's why we
gotta stick together.

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You gotta let me stay.

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Please!

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Please.

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OK, OK.

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But one night only.

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Oh!

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Thank you.

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What are you-- No.

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No!

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Oh, this is going to be fun.

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We can stay up late,
swapping manly stories.

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And in the morning,
I'm making waffles.

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D'ohhh!

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Where do, uh, I sleep?

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Outside!

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Oh, uh, I guess that's cool.

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I mean, I don't know you,
and you don't know me,

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so I guess outside
is best, you know.

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[SNIFFS] Here I go.

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Good night.

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[SLAMS DOOR]

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[SIGH]