WEBVTT

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What if I told you

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that there exsists, a single concept

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that's completely changed

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the way I think about solving problems?

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What if I told you

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that you instinctively

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know this concept, and in fact

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you're using it, right here, right now

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without even thinking about it.

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What if I told you

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that if you could hone your natural ability
to use this concept,

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it could change your life,

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or even the world.

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And what if I told you

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that this wouldn't involve

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joining a cult, taking illegal drugs
or converting to a new religion?

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The concept is called:

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"Polarity Management".

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I learned it twenty years ago
when I was a Rabbi in Chicago.

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And since then, I've lost count

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of the number of times

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I've scribbled a crash course
on the back of a napkin.

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Applying it to problems

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as diverse as organizational change issues,

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theological dilemmas,

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and even raising my own children.

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I also know that it works with larger,
global issues

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because the person who developed this tool,

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and taught it to me --
Dr. Berry Johnson --

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has used it with the US Department of Defense,

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the International Atomic Energy Agency,

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and even the BBC.

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Although I agree they could use 
a refresh course at the moment.

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So let me invite you,

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to come on a journey with me, 
into the world of polarities.

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Now, the best gateway, 
is this very famous sketch.

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Have a look and tell me --
how many of you

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initially saw the two white faces 
looking at each other?

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Wow, a lot.

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How many of you, initially, immediately, 
saw the black goblet in the middle?

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All right, a few...

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Well, whenever I show this sketch some people 
see one and some see the other

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but no one ever sees both simultaneously

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because the human brain isn't designed to be able
to see those two images at the same time.

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All we can do is flow, back and forth 
to see both perspectives

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and acknowledge that this is both, 
two faces and a goblet.

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That insight is at the very heart of polarities,

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and I ask that you hold on to it, 
and keep it with you as we continue

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because put simply, a polarity is an 
ongoing problem with two correct answers

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that are interdependent.

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The polarities aren't just some cute optical illusion, 
they're a natural force

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like magnetism or gravity,

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the part of the very fabric of the universe

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and because they are part of nature, 
there are rules that govern their behavior.

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Once you know these rules, you can predict 
what's going to happen next with the polarity

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and then you can proactively decide 
what you want to do about it.

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So lets see how this works, with a very simple polarity 
that you do all the time:

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breathing consists of two interdependent actions

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inhale and exhale.
It's like the goblet sketch.

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You can't do both at the same time, 
but both are vital and necessary.

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But what would happen
if we go through this slowly?

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We choose one pole and
it feels good for a few seconds

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and then starts to feel uncomfortable

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which forces us to shift to the opposite pole

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which also feels good for a few seconds, 
and then becomes uncomfortable,

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which forces us to shift back once again

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This ongoing motion happens because

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breathing is an ongoing problem with 
two correct answers that are interdependent.

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The only choice we have with a polarity is 
whether we're going to manage that flow

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back and forth in a way
that's positive and life-enhancing

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or whether we're going to flow
back and forth in a way

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that's negative and uncomfortable.

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Now this may seem simple, and obvious

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because we're all fairly good at 
managing the breathing polarity

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we've been doing it for a long time.

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But, the same concept and principles 
that apply to breathing

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we can apply to any other polarity.

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So let's look at another familiar one:

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think of a relationship in your life,

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an important relationship.

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I'd be willing to bet, that if 
this relationship is going well,

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it's because your constantly managing 
the flow between meeting your own needs

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and meeting your partner's needs.

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In a good relationship both 
people look after themselves

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and they look after each other,

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creating a wonderfully, virtuous cycle.

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But when relationships go bad,
it's often because

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someone is either over-focused
on themself

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at the expense of their partner

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and they're left feeling selfish,
isolated and lonely

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or they've over-focused
on their partner's needs

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at the expense of their own, 
and they're feeling unappreciated and resentful.

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Or, even worse, they're feeling resentful 
because they're feeling lonely

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which makes them feel more resentful, 
which makes them feel more lonely

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and the relationship deteriorates 
and ultimately fails.

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I think the great sage Hillel, expressed this 
polarity perfectly 2000 years ago

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when he said: "if I'm not for myself, 
who will be for me...

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...but if I'm only for myself, what am I?"

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He would've been a great marriage counselor,

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or even a good polarity coach.

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Now, polarities don't just work with things like 
breathing or one-to-one relationships,

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they also play out in larger institutional structures

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particularly around issues like 
organizational change,

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because there's always one group that 
wants things to stay the same

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and another group that wants things to change.

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Its a tradition change polarity.

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And I remember the first time 
I hit up against it full force

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it was 1987, and I had just begun 
my studies to become a Rabbi.

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The debate had been raging for years whether 
or not to ordain women as Rabbis.

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Some said, that Judaism
needed to be responsive

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to the modern world, where 
men and women are equal

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and if it didn't it risked becoming 
outdated and irrelevant.

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But there was another camp, that worried

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that a female Rabbi
was a contradiction in terms

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an inauthentic expression of a tradition 
that was thousands of years old.

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This group argued that continuity 
with the past was important

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and that ordaining woman would 
endanger Judaism's authenticity.

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Which group was right?

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Well, you can see as well as me, 
that it was just like the goblet sketch

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one group saw the pink boxes and 
one group saw the blue.

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Both groups saw one aspect of 
a complex problem.

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Both groups had a valid fear
that concerned them,

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and a sincere value
that they were holding onto.

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Each group had difficulty shifting view point, 
to see the perspective of the other

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but that's what was needed if my community 
was going to thrive.

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We would need to both pursue continuity

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and be responsive to change.

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Well in the end, a vote was taken

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a decision was made,
and here I stand

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a female Rabbi.

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On the surface, it may look like change won,

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but with the polarity, if either side

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wins conclusively, the community looses,

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because it ends up in the 
downside of the pole that won.

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Because I understand polarities,

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I've spent my entire rabbinic career consciously,

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embracing continuity with 
whatever part of tradition I can

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so is not to fall into the downside of change.

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I may not have been successful in 
growing that traditional rabbinic beard

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but, I am deeply committed

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both to maintaining an authentic
continuation with the past

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and being responsive to the present.

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Because that's the only way 
my community will thrive

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in the future.

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The same rules that apply to breathing, 
to relationships and to organizational change

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apply to any of these polarities,
and many more.

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But there's one more that 
I want to look with you today:

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because its so relevant to Jerusalem

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and also, because I believe if we could 
just manage this one better,

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it could change the world.

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Here's the problem:

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How can I maintain my identity as part of 
a particular group, with a particular set

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of believes, values and behaviors,

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while also acknowledging my 
shared humanity with all people?

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Each of us, belongs to particular groups,

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national, cultural, religious, ethnic.

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That's the particular part of who we are

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and each of us is also part of 
something so much bigger

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than any one group can express on its own.

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That's the universal part of who we are.

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Over-focusing on either one of these

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is dangerous.
Let me explain:

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I grew up in the deep south
of the United States,

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in a town where in many ways, 
they were still fighting the civil war.

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I'll never forget being cornered on 
the playground by a group of children

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who threatened to beat me up if 
they ever saw me hugging my black nanny again.

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These children had been taught 
that their particular group

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whites, were better that everyone else.

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And that kind of particularism is dangerous.

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But so is the downside of the universal pole,

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if we over-focus on our commonalities

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we loose our distinctiveness, and 
we paper over that which makes

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each group unique and special.

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It's one of the dangers of 
globalization or communism.

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They assume that we are all the same,

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but we're not.

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I for one, don't want to see
a city like Jerusalem

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loose those unique aspects 
which makes it so special.

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I don't want to see McDonald's 
built next to the Temple Mount.

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Instead, I want to walk through 
the streets of Jerusalem

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and listen to the distinctive voices of 
each particular community that lives here.

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Don't get me wrong, I love being part of 
a diverse global world,

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but I also cherish that which makes me, me.

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And by now, you know enough about 
polarities to realize we have to do both.

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We have to be passionate about those things 
which make us unique and distinctive.

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And also be open to diversity and to 
the universal values that we share.

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I like to call this:
"Passionate Openness"

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and I can't think about a better place 
to work on this polarity than Jerusalem

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because so many diverse groups live together here.

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Just imagine, if we, here in Jerusalem

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could demonstrate to the world what it looks like

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to be passionate about our unique identities,

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and also, be open to something that none of us, 
can possibly achieve on our own.

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Now, that's a messianic vision for you.

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And like I promised at the beginning

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no cults, no drugs,
no conversions necessarily.

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Just the recognition
that sometimes complexity

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requires us to seek out and 
embrace both sides of a problem

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instead of trying to solve it.

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So next time you're faced with 
an intractable problem,

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take a deep breath, and remember:

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just because inhale is true, 
doesn't mean that exhale isn't also true.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)