What if I told you
that there exsists, a single concept
that's completely changed
the way I think about solving problems?
What if I told you
that you instinctively
know this concept, and in fact
you're using it, right here, right now
without even thinking about it.
What if I told you
that if you could hone your natural ability to use this concept,
it could change your life,
or even the world.
And what if I told you
that this wouldn't involve
joining a cult, taking illegal drugs or converting to a new religion?
The concept is called:
"Polarity Management".
I learned it twenty years ago when I was a Rabbi in Chicago.
And since then, I've lost count
of the number of times
I've scribbled a crash course on the back of a napkin.
Applying it to problems
as diverse as organizational change issues,
theological dilemmas,
and even raising my own children.
I also know that it works with larger, global issues
because the person who developed this tool,
and taught it to me -- Dr. Berry Johnson --
has used it with the US Department of Defense,
the International Atomic Energy Agency,
and even the BBC.
Although I agree they could use a refresh course at the moment.
So let me invite you,
to come on a journey with me, into the world of polarities.
Now, the best gateway, is this very famous sketch.
Have a look and tell me -- how many of you
initially saw the two white faces looking at each other?
Wow, a lot.
How many of you, initially, immediately, saw the black goblet in the middle?
All right, a few...
Well, whenever I show this sketch some people see one and some see the other
but no one ever sees both simultaneously
because the human brain isn't designed to be able to see those two images at the same time.
All we can do is flow, back and forth to see both perspectives
and acknowledge that this is both, two faces and a goblet.
That insight is at the very heart of polarities,
and I ask that you hold on to it, and keep it with you as we continue
because put simply, a polarity is an ongoing problem with two correct answers
that are interdependent.
The polarities aren't just some cute optical illusion, they're a natural force
like magnetism or gravity,
the part of the very fabric of the universe
and because they are part of nature, there are rules that govern their behavior.
Once you know these rules, you can predict what's going to happen next with the polarity
and then you can proactively decide what you want to do about it.
So lets see how this works, with a very simple polarity that you do all the time:
breathing consists of two interdependent actions
inhale and exhale. It's like the goblet sketch.
You can't do both at the same time, but both are vital and necessary.
But what would happen if we go through this slowly?
We choose one pole and it feels good for a few seconds
and then starts to feel uncomfortable
which forces us to shift to the opposite pole
which also feels good for a few seconds, and then becomes uncomfortable,
which forces us to shift back once again
This ongoing motion happens because
breathing is an ongoing problem with two correct answers that are interdependent.
The only choice we have with a polarity is whether we're going to manage that flow
back and forth in a way that's positive and life-enhancing
or whether we're going to flow back and forth in a way
that's negative and uncomfortable.
Now this may seem simple, and obvious
because we're all fairly good at managing the breathing polarity
we've been doing it for a long time.
But, the same concept and principles that apply to breathing
we can apply to any other polarity.
So let's look at another familiar one:
think of a relationship in your life,
an important relationship.
I'd be willing to bet, that if this relationship is going well,
it's because your constantly managing the flow between meeting your own needs
and meeting your partner's needs.
In a good relationship both people look after themselves
and they look after each other,
creating a wonderfully, virtuous cycle.
But when relationships go bad, it's often because
someone is either over-focused on themself
at the expense of their partner
and they're left feeling selfish, isolated and lonely
or they've over-focused on their partner's needs
at the expense of their own, and they're feeling unappreciated and resentful.
Or, even worse, they're feeling resentful because they're feeling lonely
which makes them feel more resentful, which makes them feel more lonely
and the relationship deteriorates and ultimately fails.
I think the great sage Hillel, expressed this polarity perfectly 2000 years ago
when he said: "if I'm not for myself, who will be for me...
...but if I'm only for myself, what am I?"
He would've been a great marriage counselor,
or even a good polarity coach.
Now, polarities don't just work with things like breathing or one-to-one relationships,
they also play out in larger institutional structures
particularly around issues like organizational change,
because there's always one group that wants things to stay the same
and another group that wants things to change.
Its a tradition change polarity.
And I remember the first time I hit up against it full force
it was 1987, and I had just begun my studies to become a Rabbi.
The debate had been raging for years whether or not to ordain women as Rabbis.
Some said, that Judaism needed to be responsive
to the modern world, where men and women are equal
and if it didn't it risked becoming outdated and irrelevant.
But there was another camp, that worried
that a female Rabbi was a contradiction in terms
an inauthentic expression of a tradition that was thousands of years old.
This group argued that continuity with the past was important
and that ordaining woman would endanger Judaism's authenticity.
Which group was right?
Well, you can see as well as me, that it was just like the goblet sketch
one group saw the pink boxes and one group saw the blue.
Both groups saw one aspect of a complex problem.
Both groups had a valid fear that concerned them,
and a sincere value that they were holding onto.
Each group had difficulty shifting view point, to see the perspective of the other
but that's what was needed if my community was going to thrive.
We would need to both pursue continuity
and be responsive to change.
Well in the end, a vote was taken
a decision was made, and here I stand
a female Rabbi.
On the surface, it may look like change won,
but with the polarity, if either side
wins conclusively, the community looses,
because it ends up in the downside of the pole that won.
Because I understand polarities,
I've spent my entire rabbinic career consciously,
embracing continuity with whatever part of tradition I can
so is not to fall into the downside of change.
I may not have been successful in growing that traditional rabbinic beard
but, I am deeply committed
both to maintaining an authentic continuation with the past
and being responsive to the present.
Because that's the only way my community will thrive
in the future.
The same rules that apply to breathing, to relationships and to organizational change
apply to any of these polarities, and many more.
But there's one more that I want to look with you today:
because its so relevant to Jerusalem
and also, because I believe if we could just manage this one better,
it could change the world.
Here's the problem:
How can I maintain my identity as part of a particular group, with a particular set
of believes, values and behaviors,
while also acknowledging my shared humanity with all people?
Each of us, belongs to particular groups,
national, cultural, religious, ethnic.
That's the particular part of who we are
and each of us is also part of something so much bigger
than any one group can express on its own.
That's the universal part of who we are.
Over-focusing on either one of these
is dangerous. Let me explain:
I grew up in the deep south of the United States,
in a town where in many ways, they were still fighting the civil war.
I'll never forget being cornered on the playground by a group of children
who threatened to beat me up if they ever saw me hugging my black nanny again.
These children had been taught that their particular group
whites, were better that everyone else.
And that kind of particularism is dangerous.
But so is the downside of the universal pole,
if we over-focus on our commonalities
we loose our distinctiveness, and we paper over that which makes
each group unique and special.
It's one of the dangers of globalization or communism.
They assume that we are all the same,
but we're not.
I for one, don't want to see a city like Jerusalem
loose those unique aspects which makes it so special.
I don't want to see McDonald's built next to the Temple Mount.
Instead, I want to walk through the streets of Jerusalem
and listen to the distinctive voices of each particular community that lives here.
Don't get me wrong, I love being part of a diverse global world,
but I also cherish that which makes me, me.
And by now, you know enough about polarities to realize we have to do both.
We have to be passionate about those things which make us unique and distinctive.
And also be open to diversity and to the universal values that we share.
I like to call this: "Passionate Openness"
and I can't think about a better place to work on this polarity than Jerusalem
because so many diverse groups live together here.
Just imagine, if we, here in Jerusalem
could demonstrate to the world what it looks like
to be passionate about our unique identities,
and also, be open to something that none of us, can possibly achieve on our own.
Now, that's a messianic vision for you.
And like I promised at the beginning
no cults, no drugs, no conversions necessarily.
Just the recognition that sometimes complexity
requires us to seek out and embrace both sides of a problem
instead of trying to solve it.
So next time you're faced with an intractable problem,
take a deep breath, and remember:
just because inhale is true, doesn't mean that exhale isn't also true.
Thank you.
(Applause)