1
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,419
What if I told you

2
00:00:09,419 --> 00:00:11,700
that there exsists, a single concept

3
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,553
that's completely changed

4
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:17,674
the way I think about solving problems?

5
00:00:17,674 --> 00:00:19,267
What if I told you

6
00:00:19,267 --> 00:00:20,797
that you instinctively

7
00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:22,773
know this concept, and in fact

8
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,747
you're using it, right here, right now

9
00:00:25,747 --> 00:00:29,289
without even thinking about it.

10
00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:31,564
What if I told you

11
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:35,719
that if you could hone your natural ability
to use this concept,

12
00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:37,926
it could change your life,

13
00:00:37,926 --> 00:00:40,525
or even the world.

14
00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:42,288
And what if I told you

15
00:00:42,288 --> 00:00:43,821
that this wouldn't involve

16
00:00:43,821 --> 00:00:49,224
joining a cult, taking illegal drugs
or converting to a new religion?

17
00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:51,686
The concept is called:

18
00:00:51,686 --> 00:00:53,570
"Polarity Management".

19
00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:56,588
I learned it twenty years ago
when I was a Rabbi in Chicago.

20
00:00:56,588 --> 00:00:58,424
And since then, I've lost count

21
00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:00,004
of the number of times

22
00:01:00,004 --> 00:01:03,376
I've scribbled a crash course
on the back of a napkin.

23
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:04,518
Applying it to problems

24
00:01:04,518 --> 00:01:08,373
as diverse as organizational change issues,

25
00:01:08,373 --> 00:01:10,242
theological dilemmas,

26
00:01:10,242 --> 00:01:13,607
and even raising my own children.

27
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:17,004
I also know that it works with larger,
global issues

28
00:01:17,004 --> 00:01:19,421
because the person who developed this tool,

29
00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:22,114
and taught it to me --
Dr. Berry Johnson --

30
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:24,545
has used it with the US Department of Defense,

31
00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:27,247
the International Atomic Energy Agency,

32
00:01:27,247 --> 00:01:29,379
and even the BBC.

33
00:01:29,379 --> 00:01:33,270
Although I agree they could use 
a refresh course at the moment.

34
00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:34,735
So let me invite you,

35
00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:39,667
to come on a journey with me, 
into the world of polarities.

36
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:43,900
Now, the best gateway, 
is this very famous sketch.

37
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:47,307
Have a look and tell me --
how many of you

38
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:51,981
initially saw the two white faces 
looking at each other?

39
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,184
Wow, a lot.

40
00:01:54,184 --> 00:01:59,875
How many of you, initially, immediately, 
saw the black goblet in the middle?

41
00:01:59,875 --> 00:02:02,374
All right, a few...

42
00:02:02,374 --> 00:02:07,358
Well, whenever I show this sketch some people 
see one and some see the other

43
00:02:07,358 --> 00:02:11,128
but no one ever sees both simultaneously

44
00:02:11,128 --> 00:02:17,556
because the human brain isn't designed to be able
to see those two images at the same time.

45
00:02:17,556 --> 00:02:22,566
All we can do is flow, back and forth 
to see both perspectives

46
00:02:22,596 --> 00:02:27,366
and acknowledge that this is both, 
two faces and a goblet.

47
00:02:28,259 --> 00:02:31,825
That insight is at the very heart of polarities,

48
00:02:31,825 --> 00:02:36,045
and I ask that you hold on to it, 
and keep it with you as we continue

49
00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:42,673
because put simply, a polarity is an 
ongoing problem with two correct answers

50
00:02:42,673 --> 00:02:45,096
that are interdependent.

51
00:02:46,805 --> 00:02:52,125
The polarities aren't just some cute optical illusion, 
they're a natural force

52
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:55,112
like magnetism or gravity,

53
00:02:55,112 --> 00:02:58,261
the part of the very fabric of the universe

54
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:03,592
and because they are part of nature, 
there are rules that govern their behavior.

55
00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:08,441
Once you know these rules, you can predict 
what's going to happen next with the polarity

56
00:03:08,441 --> 00:03:12,306
and then you can proactively decide 
what you want to do about it.

57
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:19,207
So lets see how this works, with a very simple polarity 
that you do all the time:

58
00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:25,263
breathing consists of two interdependent actions

59
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:31,224
inhale and exhale.
It's like the goblet sketch.

60
00:03:31,224 --> 00:03:36,053
You can't do both at the same time, 
but both are vital and necessary.

61
00:03:36,053 --> 00:03:39,369
But what would happen
if we go through this slowly?

62
00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:43,795
We choose one pole and
it feels good for a few seconds

63
00:03:43,795 --> 00:03:46,769
and then starts to feel uncomfortable

64
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:49,956
which forces us to shift to the opposite pole

65
00:03:49,956 --> 00:03:56,128
which also feels good for a few seconds, 
and then becomes uncomfortable,

66
00:03:56,128 --> 00:04:00,467
which forces us to shift back once again

67
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:04,437
This ongoing motion happens because

68
00:04:04,437 --> 00:04:10,289
breathing is an ongoing problem with 
two correct answers that are interdependent.

69
00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:18,041
The only choice we have with a polarity is 
whether we're going to manage that flow

70
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:22,497
back and forth in a way
that's positive and life-enhancing

71
00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:26,126
or whether we're going to flow
back and forth in a way

72
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:29,626
that's negative and uncomfortable.

73
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:32,325
Now this may seem simple, and obvious

74
00:04:32,325 --> 00:04:36,689
because we're all fairly good at 
managing the breathing polarity

75
00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:39,244
we've been doing it for a long time.

76
00:04:39,244 --> 00:04:43,590
But, the same concept and principles 
that apply to breathing

77
00:04:43,590 --> 00:04:46,629
we can apply to any other polarity.

78
00:04:47,522 --> 00:04:50,676
So let's look at another familiar one:

79
00:04:50,676 --> 00:04:53,391
think of a relationship in your life,

80
00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:55,583
an important relationship.

81
00:04:57,383 --> 00:05:01,010
I'd be willing to bet, that if 
this relationship is going well,

82
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:05,753
it's because your constantly managing 
the flow between meeting your own needs

83
00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:08,972
and meeting your partner's needs.

84
00:05:08,972 --> 00:05:12,622
In a good relationship both 
people look after themselves

85
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,684
and they look after each other,

86
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:18,662
creating a wonderfully, virtuous cycle.

87
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:21,667
But when relationships go bad,
it's often because

88
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:25,479
someone is either over-focused
on themself

89
00:05:25,479 --> 00:05:28,619
at the expense of their partner

90
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:33,090
and they're left feeling selfish,
isolated and lonely

91
00:05:33,090 --> 00:05:36,227
or they've over-focused
on their partner's needs

92
00:05:36,227 --> 00:05:41,992
at the expense of their own, 
and they're feeling unappreciated and resentful.

93
00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:47,409
Or, even worse, they're feeling resentful 
because they're feeling lonely

94
00:05:47,409 --> 00:05:51,564
which makes them feel more resentful, 
which makes them feel more lonely

95
00:05:51,564 --> 00:05:55,288
and the relationship deteriorates 
and ultimately fails.

96
00:05:57,119 --> 00:06:02,403
I think the great sage Hillel, expressed this 
polarity perfectly 2000 years ago

97
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:08,039
when he said: "if I'm not for myself, 
who will be for me...

98
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:12,837
...but if I'm only for myself, what am I?"

99
00:06:12,837 --> 00:06:15,838
He would've been a great marriage counselor,

100
00:06:15,838 --> 00:06:19,602
or even a good polarity coach.

101
00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:24,244
Now, polarities don't just work with things like 
breathing or one-to-one relationships,

102
00:06:24,244 --> 00:06:28,188
they also play out in larger institutional structures

103
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:31,655
particularly around issues like 
organizational change,

104
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:35,326
because there's always one group that 
wants things to stay the same

105
00:06:35,326 --> 00:06:38,552
and another group that wants things to change.

106
00:06:38,552 --> 00:06:41,271
Its a tradition change polarity.

107
00:06:41,302 --> 00:06:46,169
And I remember the first time 
I hit up against it full force

108
00:06:46,169 --> 00:06:51,163
it was 1987, and I had just begun 
my studies to become a Rabbi.

109
00:06:51,163 --> 00:06:56,686
The debate had been raging for years whether 
or not to ordain women as Rabbis.

110
00:06:56,686 --> 00:07:00,018
Some said, that Judaism
needed to be responsive

111
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:03,542
to the modern world, where 
men and women are equal

112
00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:07,560
and if it didn't it risked becoming 
outdated and irrelevant.

113
00:07:09,268 --> 00:07:12,068
But there was another camp, that worried

114
00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:16,280
that a female Rabbi
was a contradiction in terms

115
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:21,970
an inauthentic expression of a tradition 
that was thousands of years old.

116
00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:27,248
This group argued that continuity 
with the past was important

117
00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:31,854
and that ordaining woman would 
endanger Judaism's authenticity.

118
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,455
Which group was right?

119
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:41,378
Well, you can see as well as me, 
that it was just like the goblet sketch

120
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:46,035
one group saw the pink boxes and 
one group saw the blue.

121
00:07:46,035 --> 00:07:51,352
Both groups saw one aspect of 
a complex problem.

122
00:07:51,352 --> 00:07:55,624
Both groups had a valid fear
that concerned them,

123
00:07:55,624 --> 00:08:00,104
and a sincere value
that they were holding onto.

124
00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:06,441
Each group had difficulty shifting view point, 
to see the perspective of the other

125
00:08:06,441 --> 00:08:10,051
but that's what was needed if my community 
was going to thrive.

126
00:08:10,051 --> 00:08:13,492
We would need to both pursue continuity

127
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:15,831
and be responsive to change.

128
00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:20,946
Well in the end, a vote was taken

129
00:08:20,946 --> 00:08:24,689
a decision was made,
and here I stand

130
00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:27,676
a female Rabbi.

131
00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:32,287
On the surface, it may look like change won,

132
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:34,469
but with the polarity, if either side

133
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:38,790
wins conclusively, the community looses,

134
00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:43,927
because it ends up in the 
downside of the pole that won.

135
00:08:43,927 --> 00:08:46,326
Because I understand polarities,

136
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,821
I've spent my entire rabbinic career consciously,

137
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:55,355
embracing continuity with 
whatever part of tradition I can

138
00:08:55,355 --> 00:08:59,252
so is not to fall into the downside of change.

139
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:05,017
I may not have been successful in 
growing that traditional rabbinic beard

140
00:09:05,017 --> 00:09:08,061
but, I am deeply committed

141
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:12,392
both to maintaining an authentic
continuation with the past

142
00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:15,784
and being responsive to the present.

143
00:09:15,784 --> 00:09:19,142
Because that's the only way 
my community will thrive

144
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,281
in the future.

145
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:28,377
The same rules that apply to breathing, 
to relationships and to organizational change

146
00:09:28,377 --> 00:09:32,793
apply to any of these polarities,
and many more.

147
00:09:34,024 --> 00:09:37,490
But there's one more that 
I want to look with you today:

148
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:40,042
because its so relevant to Jerusalem

149
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:44,278
and also, because I believe if we could 
just manage this one better,

150
00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,607
it could change the world.

151
00:09:48,161 --> 00:09:50,317
Here's the problem:

152
00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:56,892
How can I maintain my identity as part of 
a particular group, with a particular set

153
00:09:56,892 --> 00:10:00,494
of believes, values and behaviors,

154
00:10:00,494 --> 00:10:06,654
while also acknowledging my 
shared humanity with all people?

155
00:10:06,654 --> 00:10:11,005
Each of us, belongs to particular groups,

156
00:10:11,005 --> 00:10:14,858
national, cultural, religious, ethnic.

157
00:10:14,858 --> 00:10:18,420
That's the particular part of who we are

158
00:10:18,420 --> 00:10:21,837
and each of us is also part of 
something so much bigger

159
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:25,259
than any one group can express on its own.

160
00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:28,736
That's the universal part of who we are.

161
00:10:29,736 --> 00:10:32,887
Over-focusing on either one of these

162
00:10:32,887 --> 00:10:36,343
is dangerous.
Let me explain:

163
00:10:37,990 --> 00:10:40,975
I grew up in the deep south
of the United States,

164
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:45,994
in a town where in many ways, 
they were still fighting the civil war.

165
00:10:45,994 --> 00:10:49,690
I'll never forget being cornered on 
the playground by a group of children

166
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:56,055
who threatened to beat me up if 
they ever saw me hugging my black nanny again.

167
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:59,440
These children had been taught 
that their particular group

168
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,205
whites, were better that everyone else.

169
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:07,232
And that kind of particularism is dangerous.

170
00:11:08,556 --> 00:11:11,841
But so is the downside of the universal pole,

171
00:11:11,841 --> 00:11:15,351
if we over-focus on our commonalities

172
00:11:15,351 --> 00:11:19,556
we loose our distinctiveness, and 
we paper over that which makes

173
00:11:19,556 --> 00:11:23,255
each group unique and special.

174
00:11:23,255 --> 00:11:26,647
It's one of the dangers of 
globalization or communism.

175
00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:29,957
They assume that we are all the same,

176
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:32,271
but we're not.

177
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,441
I for one, don't want to see
a city like Jerusalem

178
00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:41,563
loose those unique aspects 
which makes it so special.

179
00:11:41,563 --> 00:11:45,760
I don't want to see McDonald's 
built next to the Temple Mount.

180
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,938
Instead, I want to walk through 
the streets of Jerusalem

181
00:11:49,938 --> 00:11:56,082
and listen to the distinctive voices of 
each particular community that lives here.

182
00:11:57,637 --> 00:12:02,817
Don't get me wrong, I love being part of 
a diverse global world,

183
00:12:03,541 --> 00:12:08,569
but I also cherish that which makes me, me.

184
00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:14,361
And by now, you know enough about 
polarities to realize we have to do both.

185
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:21,058
We have to be passionate about those things 
which make us unique and distinctive.

186
00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:27,120
And also be open to diversity and to 
the universal values that we share.

187
00:12:29,321 --> 00:12:33,589
I like to call this:
"Passionate Openness"

188
00:12:33,589 --> 00:12:37,845
and I can't think about a better place 
to work on this polarity than Jerusalem

189
00:12:37,845 --> 00:12:42,601
because so many diverse groups live together here.

190
00:12:42,601 --> 00:12:45,962
Just imagine, if we, here in Jerusalem

191
00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:48,826
could demonstrate to the world what it looks like

192
00:12:48,826 --> 00:12:53,043
to be passionate about our unique identities,

193
00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:59,054
and also, be open to something that none of us, 
can possibly achieve on our own.

194
00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:04,038
Now, that's a messianic vision for you.

195
00:13:04,038 --> 00:13:06,220
And like I promised at the beginning

196
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:10,459
no cults, no drugs,
no conversions necessarily.

197
00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:15,750
Just the recognition
that sometimes complexity

198
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:22,048
requires us to seek out and 
embrace both sides of a problem

199
00:13:22,064 --> 00:13:25,356
instead of trying to solve it.

200
00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:29,460
So next time you're faced with 
an intractable problem,

201
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:33,044
take a deep breath, and remember:

202
00:13:33,044 --> 00:13:38,915
just because inhale is true, 
doesn't mean that exhale isn't also true.

203
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,649
Thank you.

204
00:13:41,649 --> 00:13:44,300
(Applause)