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(music)

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Have you ever written
a play before?

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Have I ever
written one before?

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No. No.

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Have you ever been
in a play?

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8th grade.

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(laughter)
Yeah, it's insane.

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It's insane.

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I don't know
what I'm doing.

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You don't even know
who hard this is, yet.

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I had no intentions
of being

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in this thing,
when I wrote it.

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I just got this idea
that I liked.

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I had the notion
of writing

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a play for a while.

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It wasn't something
that I was

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obsessed with
or even thinking about it

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on a daily basis
or at all.

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I started writing and

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I wrote it.

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And as with most things
I write

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the main characters

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sounded exactly like me.
(laughter)

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What a coincidence.

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So he's sort of the same

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character
that we've seen in --

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Same character,

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different name, yeah.

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Same idiot, yeah.

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(laughter)

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Same idiot.

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Scott Rudin,
the producer, he is --

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He mails me: "I heard
you wrote a play.

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I'd like to read it."

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So I sent it to him and

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he is very interested

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and he liked it
and he said:

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"Well,
you have to do this."

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I said: "What are you
talking about?

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I can't do this,
I'm not an actor."

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You know?

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He goes: "Yeah,
this is you,

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you have to do it.

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The audience is going
to want you to do it.

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They know it's you,

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you know.

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You're not fooling
anybody."

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And, you know,

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he appealed
to my massive ego

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and there you go,
I caved.

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I said OK.

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Not a day
has gone by that

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I haven't regretted
that decision.

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Not one day, yeah.

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So when you
started stand up,

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was that something
you always

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wanted to do
when you were

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the class cut-up
in school?

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Were you the funny kid?
Where you the one that --

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No. No.
No,

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I wasn't funny at all.

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You know,

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I was in Brooklyn.

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You know when you
grow up with people

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you've known since you

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were 6 or 7 years old,

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there is a dynamic
that you're

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kind of stuck in,
in a way.

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So, with these people

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- whom I still know -

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I'm the same unfunny
person

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that was when I was 6.

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And then I went
to college, at 18.

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So, I had a particular

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personality in Brooklyn.

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With these guys,
these friends,

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my family, my relatives,
I was this person

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who was not funny.

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There is nothing funny
about me .

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I didn't think
I was funny.

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Nobody ever laughed
at anything I said.

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I never said anything
funny.

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And then all
of a sudden

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I went to an
out of town college --

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I knew I wanted to get
away,

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I had to get away.

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And suddenly people

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started laughing at me.
And I --

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"What the --
what the hell is --

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what's going on?"
You know?

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One guy in particular

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became my best friend.

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Man, I'm in.

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You know, all of a sudden
a part of me

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- that I didn't even
know existed -

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now stared to emerge.

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And it was something.

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I was quite startled
by it.

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And I still
didn't think about

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becoming a comedian.

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That didn't enter
my mind.

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I was raised
to think that

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I couldn't do anything,
you know?

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Don't get your hopes up.

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OK?

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I remember one day --

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I remember one time

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I was asked in front
of my mother

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what I might want to be.

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I said: "Yeah,
I really like sports.

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Maybe I could be
a sports announcer.

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And she goes: "You're
not special.

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You're not going to be
a sport announcer."

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You know, she wanted me
to be a mailman, really.

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That was her dream.

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So being a comedian
didn't occur to me.

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Then I got out of college

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and

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my friend's wife
kept saying:

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"You know, you're funny

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why aren't you doing
stand up comedy?"

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Because I was
floundering.

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Charles,
can I call you Chip?

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Yes, please.
Yeah?

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You know,
that's his nickname.

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Chip.

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I said to a rabbi once --

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Before my nephew's Bar
Mitzvah he said:

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"What's your legal name?"

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I said: "I don't know.

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But you can call me Chip.

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"
(laughter)

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So, in any way --

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So,

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she was encouraging me
to do it.

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And I went to the improv
to watch a show,

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a night of comedy.
Excuse me.

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Hem, hem, hem.

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I hope this happens
during my brilliant play

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that's going
to be pleasant.

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(laughter)

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So, I went to watch
a night of comedy

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and as I'm watching it

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I'm going: "Jesus,
you know,

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I think I could do this."
And in the middle

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of the show
I walk up to Bud Friedman

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who was the manager
of the club,

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the owner of the club,

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and I say: "I'd like
to go on."

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Yeah. How insane is that?

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I had nothing, OK?

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I've never been
on a stage.

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"I wanna go on"
Thank god he said: "

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Who are you?"

155
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"No, of course not.

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You can't go on.

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You've got to audition."

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Well, ok, so then

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I wrote some material

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and I started trying
to do it.