(music)
Have you ever written
a play before?
Have I ever
written one before?
No. No.
Have you ever been
in a play?
8th grade.
(laughter)
Yeah, it's insane.
It's insane.
I don't know
what I'm doing.
You don't even know
who hard this is, yet.
I had no intentions
of being
in this thing,
when I wrote it.
I just got this idea
that I liked.
I had the notion
of writing
a play for a while.
It wasn't something
that I was
obsessed with
or even thinking about it
on a daily basis
or at all.
I started writing and
I wrote it.
And as with most things
I write
the main characters
sounded exactly like me.
(laughter)
What a coincidence.
So he's sort of the same
character
that we've seen in --
Same character,
different name, yeah.
Same idiot, yeah.
(laughter)
Same idiot.
Scott Rudin,
the producer, he is --
He mails me: "I heard
you wrote a play.
I'd like to read it."
So I sent it to him and
he is very interested
and he liked it
and he said:
"Well,
you have to do this."
I said: "What are you
talking about?
I can't do this,
I'm not an actor."
You know?
He goes: "Yeah,
this is you,
you have to do it.
The audience is going
to want you to do it.
They know it's you,
you know.
You're not fooling
anybody."
And, you know,
he appealed
to my massive ego
and there you go,
I caved.
I said OK.
Not a day
has gone by that
I haven't regretted
that decision.
Not one day, yeah.
So when you
started stand up,
was that something
you always
wanted to do
when you were
the class cut-up
in school?
Were you the funny kid?
Where you the one that --
No. No.
No,
I wasn't funny at all.
You know,
I was in Brooklyn.
You know when you
grow up with people
you've known since you
were 6 or 7 years old,
there is a dynamic
that you're
kind of stuck in,
in a way.
So, with these people
- whom I still know -
I'm the same unfunny
person
that was when I was 6.
And then I went
to college, at 18.
So, I had a particular
personality in Brooklyn.
With these guys,
these friends,
my family, my relatives,
I was this person
who was not funny.
There is nothing funny
about me .
I didn't think
I was funny.
Nobody ever laughed
at anything I said.
I never said anything
funny.
And then all
of a sudden
I went to an
out of town college --
I knew I wanted to get
away,
I had to get away.
And suddenly people
started laughing at me.
And I --
"What the --
what the hell is --
what's going on?"
You know?
One guy in particular
became my best friend.
Man, I'm in.
You know, all of a sudden
a part of me
- that I didn't even
know existed -
now stared to emerge.
And it was something.
I was quite startled
by it.
And I still
didn't think about
becoming a comedian.
That didn't enter
my mind.
I was raised
to think that
I couldn't do anything,
you know?
Don't get your hopes up.
OK?
I remember one day --
I remember one time
I was asked in front
of my mother
what I might want to be.
I said: "Yeah,
I really like sports.
Maybe I could be
a sports announcer.
And she goes: "You're
not special.
You're not going to be
a sport announcer."
You know, she wanted me
to be a mailman, really.
That was her dream.
So being a comedian
didn't occur to me.
Then I got out of college
and
my friend's wife
kept saying:
"You know, you're funny
why aren't you doing
stand up comedy?"
Because I was
floundering.
Charles,
can I call you Chip?
Yes, please.
Yeah?
You know,
that's his nickname.
Chip.
I said to a rabbi once --
Before my nephew's Bar
Mitzvah he said:
"What's your legal name?"
I said: "I don't know.
But you can call me Chip.
"
(laughter)
So, in any way --
So,
she was encouraging me
to do it.
And I went to the improv
to watch a show,
a night of comedy.
Excuse me.
Hem, hem, hem.
I hope this happens
during my brilliant play
that's going
to be pleasant.
(laughter)
So, I went to watch
a night of comedy
and as I'm watching it
I'm going: "Jesus,
you know,
I think I could do this."
And in the middle
of the show
I walk up to Bud Friedman
who was the manager
of the club,
the owner of the club,
and I say: "I'd like
to go on."
Yeah. How insane is that?
I had nothing, OK?
I've never been
on a stage.
"I wanna go on"
Thank god he said: "
Who are you?"
"No, of course not.
You can't go on.
You've got to audition."
Well, ok, so then
I wrote some material
and I started trying
to do it.