[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.88,0:00:17.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,NICKOLAS MEANS: How's everybody doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.85,0:00:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AUDIENCE: Good! Yeah! Yeah!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.72,0:00:21.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,N.M.: Nobody's saying tired? I would have\Nsaid tired
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.77,0:00:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if somebody asked me that question. I'm so\Nexhausted.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.80,0:00:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's been a great conference, but it's been\Nlong
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.64,0:00:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am privileged to have the last speaking
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.80,0:00:30.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,slot. Which is a really funny joke to play
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.53,0:00:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a guy with impostor syndrome. So whoever\Nset
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.28,0:00:37.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the schedule, nice job.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.12,0:00:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Nickolas Means, but we are about
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.03,0:00:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be really good friends, so please call\Nme
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.90,0:00:42.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nick. You can find me-
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.87,0:00:43.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AUDIENCE: Hi Nick!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.59,0:00:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,N.M.: Hi. You can find me as @nmeans on
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.44,0:00:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Twitter if you're playing along on your laptop\Nor
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.06,0:00:50.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your phone. I'm an engineer at WellMatch health.\NI'm
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.49,0:00:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lucky enough to get to remote pair nearly\N100%
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.00,0:00:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the time from beautiful Austin, Texas with\Na
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.92,0:00:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lot of really smart people, fixing some of\Nthe
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.28,0:01:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard problems that vex our health care system.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.94,0:01:04.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to start by asking you to think
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.41,0:01:08.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little bit. What is your biggest fear at
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.13,0:01:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,work? What's the worst thing that could possibly\Nhappen
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.23,0:01:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to you at your job?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.15,0:01:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AUDIENCE: Get fired!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.30,0:01:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,N.M.: I can tell you mine. I've been a
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.08,0:01:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,software developer for over a decade now.\NI did
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.76,0:01:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some PHP spaghetti for awhile. Moved into\NRuby. Been
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.84,0:01:28.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing Ruby for, gosh, eight years now. I've\Nworked
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.94,0:01:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a solo developer. I've worked as a cylo
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.84,0:01:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,developer where I was the only guy working\Non
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.26,0:01:35.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a product and I brought our team. I've worked
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.34,0:01:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a really good team environment which is\Nwhat
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.78,0:01:39.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in now.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.09,0:01:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I've had this persistent fear, the whole\Ntime
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.16,0:01:42.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been a software developer, that I was\Nabout
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.73,0:01:46.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be fired. Now, how many times do you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.17,0:01:47.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think I've been fired in my ten plus years
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.100,0:01:50.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of software development?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.65,0:01:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Brandon right. Three.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.35,0:01:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, zero.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.70,0:01:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never been fired. But it might happen\Nany
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.79,0:01:58.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,day now, or at least, that's what my brain
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.100,0:02:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,persists in telling me all the time. It's\Njust
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.24,0:02:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a matter of time until my boss figures out
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.80,0:02:05.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I really have no idea what I'm talking
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.56,0:02:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about and I'm a terrible software developer\Nand all
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.67,0:02:10.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my commits are crap. And then I'm gonna get
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.20,0:02:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the pink slip.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.68,0:02:14.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is not true, right? Because I've convinced\Na
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.95,0:02:17.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bunch of people to give me a job, and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.03,0:02:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've shipped good code, and I've been through\Npull
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.74,0:02:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,requests processes. My code's been reviewed.\NI pair now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.00,0:02:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'm, I'm an OK developer?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.36,0:02:31.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the, the gist of impostor syndrome.\NIt's
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.31,0:02:34.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a set of beliefs and behaviors that was first
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.31,0:02:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,identified back in 1978 by Doctors Pauline\NRose Clance
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.62,0:02:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Suzanne Imes at Georgia State University.\NDr. Clance
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.37,0:02:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was on the psychological staff at Georgia\NState and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.60,0:02:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dr. Imes was a research, a predoctoral researcher\Nunder
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.88,0:02:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,her. And they did a lot of interviews with
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.07,0:02:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,graduate students. Female graduate students\Nspecifically. Now, these women
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.14,0:02:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had all gotten into very competitive graduate\Nprograms. They
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.74,0:03:03.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had all been published in very prestigious\Npsychological journals.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.59,0:03:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they still didn't think very much of themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.76,0:03:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's actually a really great definition\Nof impostor syndrome
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.94,0:03:14.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this abstract. Despite outstanding academic\Nand professional accomplishments,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.13,0:03:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,women who experience the impostor phenomenon\Npersist in believing
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.00,0:03:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they are really not bright and have fooled
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.41,0:03:22.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anyone who thinks otherwise.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.23,0:03:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So these women were all very prestigious,\Nall very
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.76,0:03:27.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,successful, but still thought that they had\Neverybody around
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.49,0:03:31.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,them fooled. And all the stuff that people\Ntold
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.26,0:03:34.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,them about themselves was not true. So if\Nyou've
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.51,0:03:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experienced these kind of feelings, where\Nyou think that
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.82,0:03:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people around you say nice things about you\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.40,0:03:40.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,aren't really true, let me tell you a little
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.73,0:03:41.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bit about yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.87,0:03:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A pretty good chance that you're an introvert.\NPretty
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.60,0:03:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good chance you're a perfectionist. At times\Nyou're a
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.21,0:03:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,workaholic. At other times you are a procrastinator.\NYou
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.07,0:03:57.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably have a deep-seated and abiding fear\Nof failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.12,0:03:59.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You probably get really uncomfortable when\Npeople pay you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.06,0:04:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a compliment. You probably feel less competent\Nthan your
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.15,0:04:08.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,peers. If that resonates any, there's good\Nnews. You're
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.15,0:04:09.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.95,0:04:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As it turns out, impostor feelings are really\Npretty
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.36,0:04:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,common. Dr. Clance's research indicates that\Nabout 70% of
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.57,0:04:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people experience impostor syndrome at some\Npoint in their
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.74,0:04:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,careers. Now, that's not to say that everybody\Nexperiences
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.41,0:04:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,impostor syndrome the same way.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.96,0:04:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's people like me, who have experienced\Nit throughout
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.91,0:04:28.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their entire career as a persistent feeling,\Nafraid that
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.93,0:04:30.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were gonna be fired at any moment, and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.81,0:04:32.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's other people that maybe it only happens\Nwhen
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.65,0:04:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they start a new job or they, they emerge
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.32,0:04:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from college into the workforce.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.54,0:04:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no matter where you are on the scale,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.94,0:04:40.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's things that you can do to lessen this
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.71,0:04:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reaction that you feel. So there's two things\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.21,0:04:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,want to do in this talk. The first thing
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.51,0:04:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is I want to tell you how your brain
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.72,0:04:49.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trolls you. Cause there's a lot of stuff that
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.12,0:04:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goes on in your head that reinforces this\Nimpostorism,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.20,0:04:55.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this inability to accept your success.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.41,0:04:56.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to tell you how to patch
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.11,0:04:59.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your brain. As it turns out, impostor syndrome\Nin
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.34,0:05:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your head is sort of this infinite loop that
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.14,0:05:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goes around and around and around. And what\Nwe
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.47,0:05:06.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to do is find places where we can
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.49,0:05:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hook into that loop and get out of that
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.03,0:05:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cycle. And if we can do that, then we
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.29,0:05:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can start functioning a little bit better.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.62,0:05:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, before I do that, I want to tell
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.96,0:05:20.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you a story. It's about the first conference\Ntalk
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.09,0:05:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ever gave. And you folks didn't know this
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.04,0:05:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you walked into the room, but you're\Nlucky
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.40,0:05:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enough to be part of this grand experiment.\NSomebody
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.50,0:05:28.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,decided it was a good idea to give me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.12,0:05:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a speaking slot at RailsConf.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.74,0:05:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided, on a whim, about an hour before
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.90,0:05:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the CFP closed that I was gonna put in
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.66,0:05:38.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this talk proposal. And it's one that had\Nalready
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.41,0:05:40.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,been rejected by a couple of conferences.\NSo I
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.57,0:05:41.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tweaked it a little bit. I cleaned it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.89,0:05:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made it a little bit better. And submitted
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.99,0:05:45.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.65,0:05:48.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the RailsConf submission process is, like,\Ncustom-tailored for
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.76,0:05:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone with impostor syndrome. Because the\Nfirst round is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.21,0:05:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blind. So I don't have to worry about it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.48,0:05:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't have this great reputation in\Nthe
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.76,0:05:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,community and nobody knows my name. And during\Nthis
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.98,0:06:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,process, there's the chance for people reviewing\Nyour proposal
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.27,0:06:01.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give you feedback.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.02,0:06:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, Sarah Mae, bless her heart, read my early
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.10,0:06:07.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rough draft and gave me some great feedback.\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.31,0:06:10.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tightened up my abstract quite a lot, and\Napparently
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.02,0:06:11.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was enough to get me through the final
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.26,0:06:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,selected, and I got a talk accepted.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.49,0:06:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was hanging out with my wife and
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.79,0:06:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my three-year-old son when I got the email\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.46,0:06:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my talk was accepted at RailsConf. And I gasped,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.21,0:06:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was speechless, and my wife thought\Nsomebody
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.61,0:06:26.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,important had died.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.39,0:06:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, I got the words out to tell her
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.63,0:06:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what was happening. And I was very excited.\NSo
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.35,0:06:36.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I put the proposal in, the whole time
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.09,0:06:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm waiting to see whether I got in or
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.33,0:06:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not, I'm envisioning. Our team has a Friday\Nhappy
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.38,0:06:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hour, and I'm envisioning getting to tell\Nmy team
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.01,0:06:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mates that I got a talk accepted at RailsConf.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.12,0:06:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got to do that, and it was
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.79,0:06:47.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,glorious.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.01,0:06:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, then reality sets in. I don't know if
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.68,0:06:53.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any of you have ever spoken at a user
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.01,0:06:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,group or something, but as it turns out, you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.43,0:06:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't actually have to write the talk before\Nit
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.72,0:07:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gets accepted. So once your talk is accepted,\Nyou
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.19,0:07:04.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to start writing it. And it plunged me,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.21,0:07:08.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,immediately, into this worry, fear, panic\Nand dread.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.53,0:07:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sat down, I tried to make an initial
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.01,0:07:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outline. Total creative block. I couldn't\Ncome up with
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.64,0:07:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anything. I couldn't organize my thoughts\Nto save my
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.41,0:07:17.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life. The funniest thing was my brain played\Nthis
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.30,0:07:20.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,great trick on me. It told me I didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.09,0:07:22.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even have impostor syndrome bad enough to\Ngive a
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.72,0:07:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk on impostor syndrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.23,0:07:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I, I pushed through it. And I, I,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.00,0:07:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took an impostor syndrome test, on which\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.64,0:07:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scored very highly. And I'll share that test\Nwith
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.88,0:07:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you guys later. So after that, I jumped into
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.51,0:07:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,full-on overwork. Now, normally I am a huge\Nprocrastinator.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.69,0:07:50.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Normally, I sit and wait until the very last
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.65,0:07:51.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,minute to do something. But I guess my brain
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.99,0:07:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thought this was important, because it jumped\Ninto overwork
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.67,0:07:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from day one. Like, three days after I found
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.83,0:07:58.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out my talk was accepted, my family was heading
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.49,0:08:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on vacation, and, you know, as you do, I
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.64,0:08:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,loaded my Kindle up with psychological journal\Narticles and
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.49,0:08:05.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brought books, and I spent most of my vacation
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.60,0:08:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reading about impostor syndrome. Which is\Nnot what I'd
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.90,0:08:13.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,planned to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.13,0:08:15.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then hopefully the next step in the cycle
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.00,0:08:16.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is success. Now, clearly the jury is still\Nout
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.67,0:08:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on this. But hopefully when you're done you\Nwon't
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.18,0:08:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feel like your time has been wasted in this
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.52,0:08:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,room. And after that, I'm gonna feel some\Ninitial
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.08,0:08:24.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relief.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.04,0:08:25.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A coworker asked me - I had this long
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.71,0:08:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,list of things that I hope would happen after
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.28,0:08:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the talk. And a coworker asked me, OK, so
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.56,0:08:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what do you really want to happen after this
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.14,0:08:32.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk? Really, all I want out of this talk
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.85,0:08:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to help somebody. If I accomplish that,\Nthat's
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.68,0:08:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all I want out of this.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.73,0:08:39.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if that happens, I'll feel some initial\Nrelief.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.02,0:08:42.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then, as we do, I will move into
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.50,0:08:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this step where I am focusing on all the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.12,0:08:46.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,little failures in this talk. I'm gonna focus\Non
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.25,0:08:48.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the jokes that I didn't get just right. I'm
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.57,0:08:50.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gonna focus on the times I said uh, and
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.33,0:08:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um and stumbled over my points and the content
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.61,0:08:55.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,areas that I wish I had covered better or
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.27,0:08:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,phrased differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.02,0:08:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I'm gonna move into sort of the
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.14,0:09:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meat of impostor syndrome. I'm gonna start\Ndenying my
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.13,0:09:05.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,success. I'm gonna start feeling like people\Nsaying nice
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.07,0:09:06.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things to me in the hallway are just doing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.57,0:09:09.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it because they know I have impostor syndrome\Nand
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.62,0:09:12.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,need compliments.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.63,0:09:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's, you know, that's what we do. We
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.61,0:09:17.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,write off our success, and it robs you of
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.85,0:09:20.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your ability to enjoy your success. So then,\Nwhen
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.90,0:09:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the next opportunity comes up, you cycle right\Nback
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.24,0:09:25.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into this thing, because you've never been\Nsuccessful in
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.14,0:09:28.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your life. At least in your own mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.24,0:09:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the impostor cycle. Again, this was,\Nthis
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.30,0:09:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was identified in Dr. Clance's research, and\Nit's, it's
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.64,0:09:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,driven by the superstition that we have to\Ngo
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.95,0:09:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through this fear and doubt and overwork and\Npanic
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.98,0:09:44.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get anything done. So you go through it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.26,0:09:47.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you look back on it. You did OK. The
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.43,0:09:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reason you did OK is because you went through
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.35,0:09:52.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this big process of being all panicky and\Nfearful
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.74,0:09:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and procrastinating and overworking.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.41,0:09:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you develop this superstition that if you\Ndon't
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.73,0:09:59.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do that, if you don't go through that hell,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.24,0:10:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not gonna be able to pull of whatever
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.95,0:10:02.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is you're trying to pull off. And so
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.99,0:10:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it denies you the ability to ever absorb your
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.89,0:10:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,success and feel like you actually are a capable,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.88,0:10:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,competent person.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.89,0:10:09.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a lot of stuff going on in your
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.91,0:10:12.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brain that causes this to happen. I alluded\Nthis
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.23,0:10:15.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to some of these earlier. A, one of the
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.02,0:10:18.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first ones is introversion. There's probably\Na lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.14,0:10:21.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,introverts in this room. And the thing about\Nintroverts
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.50,0:10:23.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is we all spend a lot of time inside
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.14,0:10:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our own heads, right. We spend a lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.33,0:10:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,time replaying social interactions, wishing\Nwe hadn't been awkward,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.74,0:10:32.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wishing we were better at small talk. We meet
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.23,0:10:34.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this hero of ours at a conference. We go
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.29,0:10:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk to him and we say something really stupid
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.01,0:10:37.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and put our foot in our mouth and we
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.19,0:10:40.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spend the next six hours thinking about that.\NSo
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.17,0:10:44.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we spend a lot of time in self-criticism.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.34,0:10:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next thing is perfectionism. And the,\Nthe two
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.20,0:10:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most highly-correlated personality attributes\Nto impostor syndrome are introversion
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.50,0:10:54.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and perfectionism. So the thing about perfectionism\Nis we
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.59,0:10:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have very high standards for ourselves, right.\NWe want
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.58,0:10:59.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get the gold standard. So what happens\Nwhen
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.81,0:11:04.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we hit silver plus, plus, plus? We have failed.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.71,0:11:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you have this inability to ever do as
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.31,0:11:10.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well as you think you ought to do. You
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.13,0:11:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have this inability to ever pull anything\Noff to
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.92,0:11:15.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your own perfect standard. And then it goes\Ninto
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.14,0:11:18.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something even more sinister than that. There's\Nthis need
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.33,0:11:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in perfectionism that emerges to always be\Nthe best.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.52,0:11:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not enough to be good. You have to
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.70,0:11:27.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be the shining star. And so you get into
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.03,0:11:29.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this, it, it can create some really weird\Nthings
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.55,0:11:31.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your job.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.15,0:11:34.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when a coworker, say, gets a lot of
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.55,0:11:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,praise for pulling something off, I feel threatened\Nby
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.21,0:11:41.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that. Which is stupid, right? I know, intellectually,\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.25,0:11:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I shouldn't. I know that there's more than\Nenough
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.36,0:11:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,credit to go around. It's not a zero-sum game.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.41,0:11:48.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I still feel like, somehow, my coworker\Ngetting
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.27,0:11:52.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,praise is taking something away from my shiny\Ngold
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.02,0:11:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,star. And so it sets you up to always
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.80,0:11:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to be perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.24,0:11:58.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's terrible.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.15,0:12:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it feeds into workaholism, because it\Ntakes a
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.40,0:12:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lot of work to live up to that standard
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.47,0:12:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we all think we need to live up
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.62,0:12:08.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to. A whole lot of work. Or, when we
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.14,0:12:10.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get into a situation where we know we can't,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.30,0:12:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we procrastinate. Now, I've been a world-champion\Nprocrastinator for
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.48,0:12:18.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the bulk of my career.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.59,0:12:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it wasn't until maybe a year ago that
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.40,0:12:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realized how intertwined it was with impostor\Nsyndrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.84,0:12:27.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what procrastination does for you,\Nwhen you're a
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.15,0:12:29.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,perfectionist, is it gives you a forcing function.\NIt
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.61,0:12:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lets you get something out the door that might
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.84,0:12:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not be as perfect as you want it to
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.26,0:12:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be. It gives you a time box. And what
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.39,0:12:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can produce in that time box has to
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.05,0:12:38.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.19,0:12:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it also gives you a way out of
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.64,0:12:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,failure. Because, like I mentioned earlier,\Nimpostors often have
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.35,0:12:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a strong fear of failure. So if you procrastinate,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.22,0:12:50.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you wait until the very last minute to
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.63,0:12:54.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do something, and then you fail, well. It's\Njust
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.46,0:12:55.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cause you didn't spend enough time on it.\NIt's
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.87,0:12:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not a reflection of you as a person.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.40,0:13:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is the perfect segue into the next thing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.19,0:13:03.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going on in your head, which is fear of
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.08,0:13:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,failure. As impostors, we are terrified for\Nothers to
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.98,0:13:13.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,see us struggle. We are scared to death to,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.05,0:13:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for anybody else to see that we might not
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.71,0:13:16.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be able to pull it off the first time
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.71,0:13:19.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we try. Because we feel like we're walking\Non
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.48,0:13:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,eggshells. We have this very thin facade,\Nthat if
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.18,0:13:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anybody can get through, anybody can see around,\Nthey're
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.00,0:13:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gonna realize what a complete and total failure\Nwe
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.36,0:13:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.31,0:13:31.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So anytime there's a crack in that armor,\Nwe're
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.16,0:13:33.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,afraid that it's all gonna come tumbling down.\NSo
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.31,0:13:36.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we develop this deep-seated fear of failure\Nthat makes
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.34,0:13:38.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it very hard to go and try to do
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.22,0:13:40.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new things. It makes it hard to do anything
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.45,0:13:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you think you might look foolish doing. A\Nperfect
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.03,0:13:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,example of that is the dance floor. And one
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.36,0:13:46.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thing you will not see on the dance floor
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.59,0:13:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is this guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.21,0:13:50.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Much to the chagrin of my wife, by the
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.47,0:13:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,way. She would really prefer me to get out
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.95,0:13:54.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the dance floor with her. But, I'm so
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.71,0:13:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,afraid that I'm gonna get out there and make
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.48,0:13:58.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a fool of myself that I just won't do
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.73,0:14:01.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it. I won't risk that part of my personality
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.13,0:14:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because somehow it's gonna make people think\Nless of
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.58,0:14:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me. I know it's kind of a contrived, trivial
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.86,0:14:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,example, but it plays out on the rest of
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.48,0:14:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your professional life.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.41,0:14:10.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It plays out when you're trying to learn something
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.35,0:14:13.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new, or you're trying to fight through a hard
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.18,0:14:17.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,problem. You're kind of afraid to admit that\Nyou
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.52,0:14:20.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.99,0:14:23.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This one is really the meat of impostor syndrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.59,0:14:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This idea of denial of success. One thing\Nwe're
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.61,0:14:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all really good at, as impostors, is deflecting\Nobjective
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.30,0:14:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,evidence that we're actually competent and\Nsuccessful. We're very
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.94,0:14:37.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good at pushing those things away. We deflect\Ncompliments,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.59,0:14:41.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we write off promotions. We got new jobs because
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.19,0:14:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're good interviewers, not because we're\Ngood developers.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.38,0:14:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, when I found out my talk was
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.48,0:14:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,accepted, the first thought that came into\Nmy mind
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.37,0:14:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is, man, that's gonna be such a let-down tomorrow
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.80,0:14:55.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I get the email that their CFP system
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.49,0:14:59.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,screwed up and emailed everybody a letter\Nof acceptance.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.82,0:15:01.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So stupid, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.57,0:15:03.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's, the, these are the things that\Nyour
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.32,0:15:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brain does that traps you in this cycle. It
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.34,0:15:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gets into attribution theory in psychology.\NAnd that's the
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.01,0:15:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,idea of where you attribute success and failure.\NAs
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.05,0:15:16.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,impostors, we tend to contribute success to\Nexternal factors.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.82,0:15:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, it's luck. And timing. And knowing the\Nright
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.48,0:15:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.17,0:15:24.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whereas we take failure and we internalize\Nit. It
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.41,0:15:26.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,speaks to who we are as a person. If
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.97,0:15:29.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we fail, it's completely a reflection on us.\NBut
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.11,0:15:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we succeed, it's not a reflection on us
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.17,0:15:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at all, it's a reflection of the situations\Nwe
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.80,0:15:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,found ourselves in.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.52,0:15:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We also have a little bit of fear of
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.54,0:15:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,success going on. There's this fear that being\Nsuccessful
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.59,0:15:42.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,might ostracize you from your peers. I know\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.73,0:15:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,felt this in school a lot. I was the
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.68,0:15:47.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kid that knew the answer every time, and by
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.34,0:15:50.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about third grade I had developed a defense\Nmechanism
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.21,0:15:53.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I hardly ever raised my hand. Cause\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.01,0:15:53.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't want to be the kid that knew all
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.91,0:15:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the answers, cause that kid didn't have any\Nfriends.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.78,0:16:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is part of why people from marginalized\Ngroups
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.15,0:16:04.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffer disproportionately more from impostor\Nsyndrome than the rest
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.34,0:16:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of us. The only marginalized group I'm a part
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.86,0:16:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of is guys without hair. So, but I still
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.00,0:16:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have a very strong case of impostor syndrome.\NWhen
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.14,0:16:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you get into a marginalized group and you\Nmight
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.38,0:16:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be more successful than some of your peers,\Nyou're
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.43,0:16:20.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,afraid it might cause you to be outcast from
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.28,0:16:22.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that peer group that's one of the only safe
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.37,0:16:24.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,places you have. One of the only places you
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.01,0:16:24.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,belong.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.63,0:16:26.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a scary thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.78,0:16:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a couple things that make impostor\Nsyndrome more
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.18,0:16:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prevalent in technology than it is in other\Nindustries.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.54,0:16:36.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of those things is the vastness of the
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.09,0:16:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knowledge involved in being a technology worker.\NMost of
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.04,0:16:42.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,us have heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect.\NIt's this
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.79,0:16:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,idea that unskilled people may not really\Nbe able
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.90,0:16:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to gage their level of competence. They may\Nfeel
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.43,0:16:50.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like they're more competent than they are\Nbecause they
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.59,0:16:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know their gaps.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.40,0:16:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have the diametric opposite problem of\Nthat. We
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.46,0:16:58.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know every last one of our gaps. We know
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.29,0:17:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the things that we don't know. We know
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.02,0:17:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the things that we need to improve about
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.79,0:17:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ourselves. And we know how much we don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.28,0:17:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, DHH alluded to this in his keynote, actually,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.09,0:17:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he talked about the impostor plexus.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.79,0:17:14.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We spend a lot of time wondering if we're
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.17,0:17:18.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing it right in software. But the definition\Nof
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.14,0:17:20.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right is always moving around. It's very hard\Nto
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.74,0:17:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,track. And so it sets us up for this
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.09,0:17:25.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feeling where we're never doing it right.\NWe're always
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.20,0:17:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two steps behind. There's always something\Nelse we need
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.00,0:17:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to know to be able to be accepted in
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.06,0:17:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our field.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.74,0:17:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing is peer scrutiny. Actors,\Nscientists, college
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.86,0:17:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,professors, musicians, artists, all have a\Nhard time with
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.41,0:17:42.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,impostor syndrome. And the thing all those\Nprofessions have
Dialogue: 0,0:17:42.89,0:17:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in common with us is this idea of peer
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.36,0:17:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scrutiny. We are always one code review away\Nfrom
Dialogue: 0,0:17:47.95,0:17:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody telling us that our work is crap\Nand
Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.96,0:17:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are crap.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:51.49,0:17:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's, it's a scary place to be. So,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:54.14,0:17:56.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to cope with that fear, your brain starts\Ndutifully
Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.65,0:17:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,preparing you for someone telling you that\Nyour work
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.50,0:17:59.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is crap by telling you that you're crap ahead
Dialogue: 0,0:17:59.92,0:18:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of time. It's really helpful.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.50,0:18:05.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing we do is we compare the
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.16,0:18:08.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,finished work of other people to our messy\Nthought
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.37,0:18:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,process. So you, you look at this library\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.14,0:18:12.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you admire. You look at the code. You look
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.45,0:18:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the structure. You look at the way it's
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.82,0:18:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,organized. It's fantastic code.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:16.24,0:18:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you look at your own code. But when
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.93,0:18:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you look at your own code, you have the
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.27,0:18:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back story of that code. You know how it
Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.00,0:18:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,came to be. You know what a struggle it
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.54,0:18:27.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was. So you assume this guy wrote this entire
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.38,0:18:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,text file, beautiful library in one pass.\NBut you
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.74,0:18:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know how the sausage was made on your code.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.69,0:18:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you know it wasn't a pretty process. So
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.02,0:18:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're setting yourself up for failure in\Nthat comparison.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.17,0:18:40.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're never gonna come out ahead when you\Ncompare
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.51,0:18:42.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your thought process to somebody else's finished\Ncode.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.88,0:18:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how does this work out in practice? There
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.71,0:18:52.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are a lot of things that impostors don't do,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.25,0:18:58.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of impostor syndrome. We don't participate\Nin conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.54,0:19:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We go to user groups. We tend to hide
Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.86,0:19:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the wings, right. Because if we hide, then
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.84,0:19:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't have to put ourselves out there.\NWe
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.25,0:19:08.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't have to let anybody see us and figure
Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.71,0:19:10.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out that we don't know what we're talking\Nabout
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.74,0:19:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and shouldn't be where we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.53,0:19:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't ask questions. It's hard for us to
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.26,0:19:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,admit that we don't know something. We pretend\Nlike
Dialogue: 0,0:19:19.14,0:19:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we know it. Fake it till you make it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.37,0:19:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we come back later and frantically\Nscramble
Dialogue: 0,0:19:23.28,0:19:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to try to learn the things that we don't
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.76,0:19:28.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know. So we write crappy code. We blindly\Nadhere
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.07,0:19:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to best practices. We don't ask questions\Nthat would
Dialogue: 0,0:19:30.32,0:19:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,allow us to become somebody with a trained\Neye
Dialogue: 0,0:19:32.07,0:19:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for code that actually knows how to apply\Nthose
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.71,0:19:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,best practices well.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.16,0:19:39.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all know that if you just blindly
Dialogue: 0,0:19:39.87,0:19:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,apply best practices, you're gonna end up\Nwith some
Dialogue: 0,0:19:42.01,0:19:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,code that's really pretty rough. But if you\Ndon't
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.38,0:19:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ask those questions, if you don't put yourself\Nout
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.10,0:19:48.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there to admit that, yeah, you know what,\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:19:48.51,0:19:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could learn to do this a little better, you
Dialogue: 0,0:19:50.51,0:19:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't grow.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.88,0:19:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Impostors don't teach others. We don't give\Nuser group
Dialogue: 0,0:19:55.85,0:19:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talks. We don't give convention talks. We\Ndon't help
Dialogue: 0,0:19:57.91,0:20:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out at workshops. And the community is worse\Noff
Dialogue: 0,0:20:02.03,0:20:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for this. Brandon Hayes, in his talk this\Nmorning,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.44,0:20:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alluded to the fact that everybody sitting\Nin the
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.21,0:20:08.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,audience has a talk that they could give.\NThere
Dialogue: 0,0:20:08.93,0:20:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is something out there that you know an awful
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.72,0:20:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lot about. Maybe more about than anybody else.\NBut
Dialogue: 0,0:20:14.65,0:20:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're afraid to get up in front of
Dialogue: 0,0:20:15.71,0:20:18.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people and share that knowledge, the community\Nis lacking
Dialogue: 0,0:20:18.19,0:20:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that knowledge. The community is lacking your\Nunique viewpoint.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:21.96,0:20:24.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So impostor syndrome robs our community of\Nsome voices
Dialogue: 0,0:20:24.94,0:20:27.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would otherwise be very helpful and very\Ninsightful.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:27.67,0:20:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing impostors don't do is contribute\Nto open
Dialogue: 0,0:20:30.32,0:20:34.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,source. I remember when I was a PHP developer
Dialogue: 0,0:20:34.77,0:20:38.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the first year of my software development\Ncareer.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:38.01,0:20:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said something really stupid on the WordPress\Nmailing
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.08,0:20:42.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,list. It was something along the lines of\NWordPress
Dialogue: 0,0:20:42.50,0:20:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't supported on Microsoft stack. Or something,\NI don't
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.80,0:20:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know, something dumb. And I got my rear end
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.15,0:20:51.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,handed to me for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:51.40,0:20:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ever since that happened, I have been\Nvery
Dialogue: 0,0:20:54.93,0:20:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hesitant to do anything of any significance\Nin the
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.50,0:20:59.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open source world. And I have a feeling that
Dialogue: 0,0:20:59.75,0:21:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a lot of people in the audience that
Dialogue: 0,0:21:00.68,0:21:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's true for, as well. Maybe you got bit
Dialogue: 0,0:21:02.34,0:21:04.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one time. Maybe you're just afraid of getting\Nbit
Dialogue: 0,0:21:04.51,0:21:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by trying to contribute to open source. But\Nit's,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:08.07,0:21:10.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's something that impostors don't do, because\Nwe're afraid
Dialogue: 0,0:21:10.52,0:21:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of that rejection. We're afraid of that failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.07,0:21:15.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing impostors don't do is they\Ndon't
Dialogue: 0,0:21:15.32,0:21:18.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,change jobs. I mentioned I was a solo developer
Dialogue: 0,0:21:18.12,0:21:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the first chunk of my career. I was
Dialogue: 0,0:21:21.06,0:21:24.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in that job for five years. And it was,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:24.03,0:21:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a bit of a cushy position. I'll
Dialogue: 0,0:21:25.38,0:21:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,admit that. But by being a solo developer,\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.12,0:21:31.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deprived myself of the chance of learning\Nfrom other
Dialogue: 0,0:21:31.61,0:21:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,developers. And by the time I left that job,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:34.08,0:21:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was not making anything close to a market
Dialogue: 0,0:21:35.95,0:21:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,salary.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.73,0:21:39.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, as impostors, we kind of feel lucky to
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.69,0:21:41.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have the job we have and to have the
Dialogue: 0,0:21:41.18,0:21:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people that are around us fooled. It seems\Nlike
Dialogue: 0,0:21:43.64,0:21:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an awful lot of work to go take a
Dialogue: 0,0:21:44.68,0:21:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,new job and have to fool a new group
Dialogue: 0,0:21:46.12,0:21:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of people, right? So we just sit where we
Dialogue: 0,0:21:48.92,0:21:50.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.36,0:21:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, clearly, these are not things that we\Nwant
Dialogue: 0,0:21:54.67,0:21:57.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to happen in our community. So how do we
Dialogue: 0,0:21:57.73,0:22:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,patch our brains to get out of this cycle?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.16,0:22:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like I mentioned earlier, impostor syndrome,\Nthat cycle, it's
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.36,0:22:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of an infinite loop in your head. And
Dialogue: 0,0:22:03.93,0:22:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you just have to find the places that you
Dialogue: 0,0:22:05.62,0:22:08.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can hook into it so that you can get
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.23,0:22:09.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:09.32,0:22:11.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The good news is, is that for starters, knowing
Dialogue: 0,0:22:11.70,0:22:14.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is half the battle. If you just understand\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:22:14.90,0:22:19.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this thing that you feel, this pervasive sense\Nof
Dialogue: 0,0:22:19.40,0:22:23.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,incompetence that you feel actually has a\Nname. It's
Dialogue: 0,0:22:23.39,0:22:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called impostor syndrome. You know how it's\Naffecting your
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.00,0:22:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thoughts. You know how it's affecting your\Nhead. That's
Dialogue: 0,0:22:29.58,0:22:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first start of the road to recovery. I
Dialogue: 0,0:22:32.20,0:22:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mentioned earlier, I've got an impostor survey,\NI'll give
Dialogue: 0,0:22:33.57,0:22:35.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you the link at the end of the talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:35.27,0:22:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's derived from research from Dr. Clance.\NAnd it'll
Dialogue: 0,0:22:38.30,0:22:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,give you a numeric score. It'll help you sort
Dialogue: 0,0:22:40.69,0:22:42.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of sort through some of the thoughts in your
Dialogue: 0,0:22:42.36,0:22:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,head and figure out if it's something that\Nyou're
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.80,0:22:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dealing with.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.11,0:22:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So once you know what impostor syndrome is,\Nthe
Dialogue: 0,0:22:48.69,0:22:50.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next thing is mindfulness. You have to start\Npaying
Dialogue: 0,0:22:50.49,0:22:56.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attention. And, I apologize, cause I know\Nthis is
Dialogue: 0,0:22:56.06,0:22:59.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,super cheesy, but I'm gonna do it anyway.\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:22:59.87,0:23:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,want you to turn to somebody next to you
Dialogue: 0,0:23:01.28,0:23:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the audience and pay them a compliment.\NIf
Dialogue: 0,0:23:04.42,0:23:06.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's somebody you know well, make it as specific
Dialogue: 0,0:23:06.97,0:23:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a compliment as you can. I'll wait.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:11.81,0:23:14.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,AUDIENCE: [chatter]
Dialogue: 0,0:23:14.57,0:23:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,N.M.: All right. All right, come on. Reeling\Nit
Dialogue: 0,0:23:26.99,0:23:31.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back in here. I wondered if this would happen
Dialogue: 0,0:23:31.86,0:23:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the last day of the conference, and it
Dialogue: 0,0:23:33.61,0:23:39.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,did.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:39.37,0:23:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, think back to when the person sitting\Nnext
Dialogue: 0,0:23:47.25,0:23:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to you paid you that compliment. How did you
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.78,0:23:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,react? Was your initial instinct to accept\Nthat compliment
Dialogue: 0,0:23:53.45,0:23:56.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and take it at face value as true? Or
Dialogue: 0,0:23:56.66,0:23:58.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was it to try to write it off. To
Dialogue: 0,0:23:58.86,0:24:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try to find some way deflect it. Cause that's
Dialogue: 0,0:24:01.70,0:24:03.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we do as impostors, right? If somebody\Ncomes
Dialogue: 0,0:24:03.34,0:24:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up and says hey, nice job.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:05.48,0:24:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, man, I was really lucky. It was an
Dialogue: 0,0:24:07.55,0:24:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,easy topic to talk about. That sort of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:10.40,0:24:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tend to write it off. So you have
Dialogue: 0,0:24:12.60,0:24:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to pay attention to how you accept compliments.\NYou
Dialogue: 0,0:24:14.37,0:24:15.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have to work to accept them gracefully. If\Nyou
Dialogue: 0,0:24:15.94,0:24:17.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know how to do that, just say thank
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.29,0:24:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you. All you have to say. It's very hard
Dialogue: 0,0:24:20.60,0:24:23.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,work, and I am still terrible at it.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:23.85,0:24:25.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing you have to do, that you
Dialogue: 0,0:24:25.64,0:24:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can do to help you find how this is
Dialogue: 0,0:24:28.91,0:24:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happening in your head is to listen to yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:24:31.40,0:24:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk. See if you do a lot of self-deprecation.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:36.60,0:24:38.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you make a mistake in the code, you
Dialogue: 0,0:24:38.12,0:24:40.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say, oh man, I'm an idiot. Or do you
Dialogue: 0,0:24:40.39,0:24:42.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do, oh, I forgot a semi-colon. Not that we
Dialogue: 0,0:24:42.93,0:24:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever do that because we're Rubyists and we\Ndon't
Dialogue: 0,0:24:44.27,0:24:48.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,write JavaScript or anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:48.56,0:24:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next thing you have to do is accept
Dialogue: 0,0:24:50.04,0:24:54.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your success. Accept your success. Trust reality,\Nnot your
Dialogue: 0,0:24:54.65,0:24:57.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feelings. Brandon Hayes is a friend of mine\Nfrom
Dialogue: 0,0:24:57.07,0:24:59.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Austin, said this probably as eloquently as\NI've heard
Dialogue: 0,0:24:59.54,0:25:02.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it said. He was talking about leaving a previous
Dialogue: 0,0:25:02.54,0:25:05.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,job and coworkers paying him compliments and\Nsaying nice
Dialogue: 0,0:25:05.22,0:25:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things about him.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:06.22,0:25:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said, you know, at some point, I
Dialogue: 0,0:25:08.48,0:25:11.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had to stop the thought process in my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:11.31,0:25:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had to try to find these things
Dialogue: 0,0:25:12.98,0:25:15.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that people were saying about me inside myself.\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:25:15.02,0:25:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had to find them as true. And it's hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:18.25,0:25:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's hard. You have to try to accept that
Dialogue: 0,0:25:20.27,0:25:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,compliments are true. You have to accept that\Nnice
Dialogue: 0,0:25:22.90,0:25:24.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things that people say about you are true,\Nrather
Dialogue: 0,0:25:24.88,0:25:27.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than immediately writing them off. Another\Nway to practice
Dialogue: 0,0:25:27.82,0:25:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is to give more compliments.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:29.72,0:25:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mentioned sort of this idea of a zero-sum
Dialogue: 0,0:25:31.63,0:25:34.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,game, where it's, you have to be the shining
Dialogue: 0,0:25:34.85,0:25:38.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,star and you're worried about what happens\Nwhen people
Dialogue: 0,0:25:38.04,0:25:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on your team get compliments. Well, give more\Ncompliments.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:41.10,0:25:44.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Notice the genuineness with which you deliver\Na compliment.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:44.24,0:25:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you notice how genuine you're being, start\Nassuming
Dialogue: 0,0:25:46.86,0:25:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,other people are being that genuine as well.\NAnd
Dialogue: 0,0:25:49.77,0:25:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not just deluded into thinking you're\Nsomething you're
Dialogue: 0,0:25:54.53,0:25:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.00,0:25:58.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to own your success. And even if
Dialogue: 0,0:25:58.95,0:26:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your success involved a lot of luck and timing,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:01.61,0:26:03.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you still had to be smart enough to use
Dialogue: 0,0:26:03.24,0:26:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that luck and timing to your benefit. So even
Dialogue: 0,0:26:05.49,0:26:06.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you try to write it off as luck
Dialogue: 0,0:26:06.47,0:26:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and timing, you still had something to do\Nwith
Dialogue: 0,0:26:08.76,0:26:09.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.05,0:26:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You also need to be kind to yourself. Forgive
Dialogue: 0,0:26:12.00,0:26:17.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your mistakes. If you notice yourself being\Nvery self-critical,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:17.21,0:26:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,interrupt yourself. Notice what you did well,\Nin addition
Dialogue: 0,0:26:21.02,0:26:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to what you feel like you need to improve
Dialogue: 0,0:26:22.54,0:26:23.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:23.21,0:26:25.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife's a middle-school English teacher.\NAnd in her
Dialogue: 0,0:26:25.65,0:26:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,classroom, she practices something that she\Ncalls the compliment
Dialogue: 0,0:26:28.10,0:26:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sandwich. When she has to deliver some bad\Nnews
Dialogue: 0,0:26:31.82,0:26:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to a student or tell them how they need
Dialogue: 0,0:26:33.14,0:26:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to improve their writing or, or something\Nlike that,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:34.99,0:26:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she tells them first something they did really\Nwell.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:38.50,0:26:41.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then she delivers the improvement, and then\Nshe tells
Dialogue: 0,0:26:41.09,0:26:42.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,them something else they did really well.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:42.36,0:26:44.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, if you start doing this inside your\Nown
Dialogue: 0,0:26:44.43,0:26:46.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,head, what'll happen is you'll have to find\Nsomething
Dialogue: 0,0:26:46.41,0:26:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you did well. Then you can indulge in that
Dialogue: 0,0:26:49.47,0:26:52.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,self-criticism that feels so good to us. And\Nthen
Dialogue: 0,0:26:52.62,0:26:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you tell yourself something else you did well.\NAnd
Dialogue: 0,0:26:54.34,0:26:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over time, you'll notice that you start to\Nnotice
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.98,0:26:59.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your success more than the things that you\Nwish
Dialogue: 0,0:26:59.60,0:27:02.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'd done better.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:02.37,0:27:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another technique you can use is to ratchet\Nyour
Dialogue: 0,0:27:04.70,0:27:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,freak-out. And I use this one a lot this,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:09.04,0:27:12.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,giving this talk. I mentioned that I moved\Ninto
Dialogue: 0,0:27:12.08,0:27:16.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that fear and doubt and, cycle, pretty early\Non.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:16.01,0:27:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I made an agreement with myself that\NI
Dialogue: 0,0:27:18.43,0:27:20.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was not gonna freak out until a week before
Dialogue: 0,0:27:20.47,0:27:23.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the conference.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:23.88,0:27:26.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it actually worked pretty well. So, normally\Nwhen
Dialogue: 0,0:27:26.99,0:27:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do something like this, I would freak out
Dialogue: 0,0:27:28.68,0:27:30.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a long time in advance. I would start worrying
Dialogue: 0,0:27:30.48,0:27:32.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about it and feeling like I wasn't gonna pull
Dialogue: 0,0:27:32.14,0:27:33.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it off. But I made an agreement with myself
Dialogue: 0,0:27:33.95,0:27:35.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I wasn't gonna do that. And I sat
Dialogue: 0,0:27:35.84,0:27:38.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on it for awhile. And a week before the
Dialogue: 0,0:27:38.12,0:27:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,conference. It actually worked. When it would\Ncome up,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:40.19,0:27:41.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would push it back down and say, you
Dialogue: 0,0:27:41.43,0:27:42.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get to freak out a week before the conference.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:42.76,0:27:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't get to freak out now. And then
Dialogue: 0,0:27:45.00,0:27:46.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the week before the conference got here and,\Nboy
Dialogue: 0,0:27:46.47,0:27:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,did I freak out.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:49.20,0:27:50.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stayed up till two in the morning most
Dialogue: 0,0:27:50.73,0:27:53.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nights not doing much of anything, but feeling\Nbetter
Dialogue: 0,0:27:53.63,0:27:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was doing something. Like I was\Nmaking
Dialogue: 0,0:27:56.10,0:27:57.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,progress on my talk. It was very much a
Dialogue: 0,0:27:57.76,0:28:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coping mechanism. I wasn't accomplishing anything.\NBut instead of
Dialogue: 0,0:28:01.52,0:28:03.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing that for a whole month, I only did
Dialogue: 0,0:28:03.84,0:28:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it for a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:04.99,0:28:07.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the magic of this, is it lets you
Dialogue: 0,0:28:07.77,0:28:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be successful without freaking out for a month.\NAnd
Dialogue: 0,0:28:12.15,0:28:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you start to break down that superstition\Nthat
Dialogue: 0,0:28:14.78,0:28:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to do a lot of freaking out
Dialogue: 0,0:28:16.15,0:28:18.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before you can be successful. You start to\Nchink
Dialogue: 0,0:28:18.65,0:28:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,away at that bit by bit, until finally you
Dialogue: 0,0:28:22.02,0:28:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,become convinced that it's not as necessary,\Nmaybe, as
Dialogue: 0,0:28:24.52,0:28:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you believe it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:26.35,0:28:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing is embrace vulnerability. Allow\Nyourself to admit
Dialogue: 0,0:28:31.47,0:28:33.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't know things and ask questions. If\Nyou
Dialogue: 0,0:28:33.92,0:28:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know who that is in the background of
Dialogue: 0,0:28:35.74,0:28:38.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that slide, it's Renee Brown. If you haven't\Nseen
Dialogue: 0,0:28:38.47,0:28:41.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,her TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability,\Nput that
Dialogue: 0,0:28:41.53,0:28:44.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very high on your to-do list.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:44.45,0:28:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw it probably two years ago, and it
Dialogue: 0,0:28:46.90,0:28:49.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was the start of my journey out of impostor
Dialogue: 0,0:28:49.78,0:28:52.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,syndrome. Because it was the first time I'd\Nreally
Dialogue: 0,0:28:52.99,0:28:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever embraced the message that it was OK if
Dialogue: 0,0:28:55.14,0:28:57.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't perfect. It was OK if I didn't
Dialogue: 0,0:28:57.07,0:29:00.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know everything all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:00.51,0:29:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you start embracing vulnerability, it\Nfrees you up
Dialogue: 0,0:29:02.52,0:29:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be yourself, and to be OK with that.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:05.00,0:29:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To be OK with not knowing everything. And\Nonce
Dialogue: 0,0:29:09.10,0:29:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're comfortable with who you are, it gives\Nyou
Dialogue: 0,0:29:11.48,0:29:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a much more solid foundation to build upon\Nand
Dialogue: 0,0:29:13.92,0:29:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to improve. Like, instead of trying to build\Non
Dialogue: 0,0:29:16.50,0:29:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,top of this shaky facade, you're building\Non who
Dialogue: 0,0:29:19.38,0:29:22.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you actually are and what you actually know.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:22.65,0:29:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the process of embracing vulnerability,\Nsomething you absolutely
Dialogue: 0,0:29:26.22,0:29:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,need to try is pair programming. I don't have
Dialogue: 0,0:29:30.68,0:29:32.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of time, but I will be more
Dialogue: 0,0:29:32.25,0:29:33.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than happy to pair with any of you if
Dialogue: 0,0:29:33.85,0:29:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can find the time. Just ping me on
Dialogue: 0,0:29:35.19,0:29:36.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Twitter.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:36.16,0:29:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm lucky enough to be on a team that
Dialogue: 0,0:29:37.33,0:29:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does pair programming 100% of the time. And\Nwhat
Dialogue: 0,0:29:40.46,0:29:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you find, a coworker said this to me right
Dialogue: 0,0:29:43.67,0:29:45.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I was walking in to give this talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:45.30,0:29:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you find, is that knowledge becomes collective.\NNot
Dialogue: 0,0:29:49.47,0:29:51.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something that you have to bring to the table
Dialogue: 0,0:29:51.05,0:29:54.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,individually. So it's OK if you don't know\Neverything.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:54.84,0:29:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your pair probably does. And there's no penalty\Nfor
Dialogue: 0,0:29:57.17,0:30:00.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,them knowing things and you not.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:00.35,0:30:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it also makes you be vulnerable enough\Nto
Dialogue: 0,0:30:02.41,0:30:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,work with somebody. Because if you're pair\Nprogramming with
Dialogue: 0,0:30:04.31,0:30:08.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody, there is no hiding. And it's really\Nthe
Dialogue: 0,0:30:08.45,0:30:12.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first dose of having an accurate basis of\Ncomparison
Dialogue: 0,0:30:12.39,0:30:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for my work that I ever had. Working with
Dialogue: 0,0:30:15.12,0:30:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody, seeing how they worked, seeing how\NI worked.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:18.09,0:30:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seeing how we did a lot of the same
Dialogue: 0,0:30:19.43,0:30:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things and approached problems the same ways,\Nconvinced me
Dialogue: 0,0:30:23.29,0:30:25.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that maybe I wasn't that bad a developer after
Dialogue: 0,0:30:25.41,0:30:26.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:26.53,0:30:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But most importantly, you gotta keep going.\NYou have
Dialogue: 0,0:30:30.10,0:30:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to keep going. The hell of impostor syndrome\Nis
Dialogue: 0,0:30:34.43,0:30:38.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you are never fully recovered from it.\NThis
Dialogue: 0,0:30:38.48,0:30:40.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pattern of thought is so deeply ingrained\Nin your
Dialogue: 0,0:30:40.74,0:30:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,head that is very hard to escape from. So
Dialogue: 0,0:30:44.88,0:30:47.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you're working towards is becoming what\NI like
Dialogue: 0,0:30:47.07,0:30:51.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to call a high-functioning impostor.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:51.38,0:30:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've alluded to the fact that I have been
Dialogue: 0,0:30:52.58,0:30:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my own walking case study in the development\Nof
Dialogue: 0,0:30:54.48,0:30:56.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this talk. So, clearly I am not out of
Dialogue: 0,0:30:56.70,0:30:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the woods. Clearly, I still experience most\Nof these
Dialogue: 0,0:30:59.12,0:31:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things on a very regular basis. The difference\Nis,
Dialogue: 0,0:31:03.46,0:31:06.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can work through it enough to be able
Dialogue: 0,0:31:06.07,0:31:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get up and give a talk, or to,
Dialogue: 0,0:31:09.01,0:31:12.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ship code and know it's actually decent\Ncode.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:12.31,0:31:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And everybody can do this. It's not that hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:14.70,0:31:17.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just have to start working through it\Nand
Dialogue: 0,0:31:17.00,0:31:19.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,continue working through it and not giving\Nup when
Dialogue: 0,0:31:19.13,0:31:21.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's hard and continue pushing against it.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:21.60,0:31:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The last thing I want to leave you with
Dialogue: 0,0:31:23.41,0:31:27.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is this. I talked about Dunning-Kruger effect\Nearlier. The
Dialogue: 0,0:31:27.18,0:31:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thing that you need to remember about impostor\Nsyndrome
Dialogue: 0,0:31:30.87,0:31:32.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is you have a lot of very smart people
Dialogue: 0,0:31:32.42,0:31:36.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,around you saying very nice things about you.\NIf
Dialogue: 0,0:31:36.19,0:31:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you believe that these people are full of\Ncrap,
Dialogue: 0,0:31:39.75,0:31:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you're saying that they're not smart\Nenough to
Dialogue: 0,0:31:42.57,0:31:45.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,see through you. They're not good enough at\Nreading
Dialogue: 0,0:31:45.46,0:31:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,code to tell that your code is terrible. And
Dialogue: 0,0:31:48.85,0:31:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these are also the people that serve as your
Dialogue: 0,0:31:50.24,0:31:52.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,basis of comparison. So you're looking around\Nat all
Dialogue: 0,0:31:52.24,0:31:54.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these people that are very smart, and these\Nare
Dialogue: 0,0:31:54.36,0:31:56.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the people that you feel like you might be
Dialogue: 0,0:31:56.07,0:31:57.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inferior to.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:57.46,0:31:59.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you're saying these people that you,\Nthat you
Dialogue: 0,0:31:59.84,0:32:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,consider to be smarter than you are not smart
Dialogue: 0,0:32:02.47,0:32:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enough to see through this facade. They are.\NAnd
Dialogue: 0,0:32:06.04,0:32:08.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not, because there's no facade there.\NSo the
Dialogue: 0,0:32:08.36,0:32:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fact that you experience impostor syndrome\Npretty much means
Dialogue: 0,0:32:12.64,0:32:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you have no reason to experience impostor\Nsyndrome.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:15.17,0:32:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means you know enough about your skill\Nand
Dialogue: 0,0:32:17.02,0:32:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your craft to see your shortcomings and you\Njust
Dialogue: 0,0:32:20.52,0:32:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,need to focus more on the things that you
Dialogue: 0,0:32:22.17,0:32:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know and the value that you bring to the
Dialogue: 0,0:32:23.31,0:32:25.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,table.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:25.11,0:32:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give yourself credit for that and focus less\Non
Dialogue: 0,0:32:27.58,0:32:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the things that you still have to learn. Because
Dialogue: 0,0:32:29.02,0:32:30.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have a long career ahead of you. You
Dialogue: 0,0:32:30.40,0:32:33.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't have to know it all now.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:33.12,0:32:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks.