-These are our favorite
"Jokes of the Week."
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
According to sources,
former National Security Advisor John Bolton
told conservative donors
he thinks President Trump is mentally unstable,
but I'm sure Trump will clear up that misconception
with 150 tweets at 3:00 am
[ Laughter ]
Senator Mitt Romney was seen today
drinking chocolate milk during the impeachment trial
and then, right after,
he failed a breathalyzer test.
[ Laughter ]
State lawmakers in Kentuck have proposed a bill
that would require schools
to start teaching sex ed in kindergarten.
Said a Kentucky first grader "Oh, man,
that really would've been helpful
before my wedding night!"
[ Laughter and ohhs ]
Republican Senator Mike Brau
this weekend said that he hope impeachment will serve
as a learning experience for President Trump, saying,
"I think he'll put 2 and 2 together."
Because if there's one thing we know
about a man who has bankrupted three casinos,
it's that he's good at math.
[ Laughter and applause ]
A New York woman has admitte that she is responsible
for sending her boyfriend to the emergency room
24 times last year
by secretly putting pesticides in his food.
When he asked the doctor wha to take for that, she said
"The hint."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪♪♪
[ Cheering and applause ]