[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the worst that can happen?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Almost exactly 10 years ago,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was sitting in an exam room\Nthat was way too cold
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waiting to meet my new oncologist.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was terrified.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though my partner at the time
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was sitting right by my side,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt completely alone.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had just been diagnosed\Nwith breast cancer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it seemed at the time
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that a single bright spot\Non a scan of my right lung
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meant that the cancer had already spread.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had metastatic breast cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had no medical training at this point,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I knew what it meant if it were true:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,incurable breast cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Terminal breast cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was 27 years old,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had just been accepted to medical school,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I wondered if I was already\Nat the end of my life.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My new oncologist was not a warm person.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She dealt in simple facts,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as many brilliant physicians do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Our body is made up\Nof cells," she started.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stopped her.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm starting medical school soon.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of taking this as a signal\Nto go backward, to start again,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she went forward.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said that I would need\Nto start on chemotherapy
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to control the cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She launched into the details\Nof the drug and the side effects
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the schedule.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I reminded her that we hadn't even yet\Nbiopsied the bright spot on my lung,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I asked if she was sure\Nthat it was cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember viscerally how she seemed\Nalmost frustrated with my question.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps she thought I wasn't\Nfollowing along with her explanations,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, worse still, I was in denial.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I simply wanted her to understand\Nthat, as her patient,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the biopsy was not just a mere formality\Nto prove an already foregone conclusion.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a steel needle\Nthrough skin, muscle and bone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would deliver a deep piece of me\Nto the surface and answer a question
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish didn't have to be asked.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before the biopsy, I could be\Na 27-year old woman
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who might have metastatic breast cancer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who probably had metastatic breast cancer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a critical distinction,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not one that's emphasized\Nin the most elite oncology training.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, I was dismissed\Nwith an appointment to start treatment
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in just a few weeks.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So much has happened\Nsince that first visit.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ironically, the biopsy was not\Njust a mere formality.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My former oncologist was right.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It did show cancer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was a totally separate lung cancer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as crazy as it sounds,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this was great news.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did not have metastatic breast cancer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had two different cancers,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but both of them were localized,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so the lung cancer\Nwas localized enough
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it could be removed.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the onslaught of treatments began\Nwith a lung surgery,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,continued with chemotherapy,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ended with a breast surgery\Njust after my 28th birthday.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then two weeks later,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started medical school.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My new oncologist,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who deals much more fluidly\Nboth with facts and their implications,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very reasonably suggested
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I should defer my acceptance\Nto medical school for a year,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take some time to rest, to recover,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I trusted her advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt terrible during the intensive\Nchemotherapy sessions.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I wrote to the Dean.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I explained my circumstances,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a deferral was speedily granted.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as the chemo fog lifted,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wondered what I was going\Nto do with a year.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Should I go to the beach?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't really a beach person.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how many years did I have left anyway?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really wanted to go to medical school.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seemed like a missing\Npiece of my puzzle.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead of going around\Nand around with indecision,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I asked myself, what's the worst\Nthat could happen?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I could be too weak\Nor too sick to do the work.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It could be too hard for me emotionally.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could fail out of medical school.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I remembered, that wouldn't be\Nthe worst thing that happened to me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even that year.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why not get started?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why not continue living\Nthe way that I wanted to live?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I did.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bald and rail thin,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put on my best earrings\Nand my favorite dress,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I started.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I pretended to belong,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I began to.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no way to describe\Nhow hard it was.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some days it felt impossible.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It felt as I was doing things\Nthat would never matter in the future.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But every day, I asked myself,\Nare you still enjoying this?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is this still what you want to be doing?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And every day, the answer was yes,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes a very qualified yes,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but a yes.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, just as I\Nwas getting comfortable
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and feeling like I might not necessarily\Nfail out of medical school,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I received even more devastating news.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned that I had a mutation\Nin a gene called TP53, or P53 for short.