9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What's the worst that can happen? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Almost exactly 10 years ago, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was sitting in an exam room[br]that was way too cold 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 waiting to meet my new oncologist. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was terrified. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Even though my partner at the time 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was sitting right by my side, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I felt completely alone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had just been diagnosed[br]with breast cancer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it seemed at the time 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that a single bright spot[br]on a scan of my right lung 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 meant that the cancer had already spread. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had metastatic breast cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had no medical training at this point, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I knew what it meant if it were true: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 incurable breast cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Terminal breast cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was 27 years old, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 had just been accepted to medical school, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I wondered if I was already[br]at the end of my life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My new oncologist was not a warm person. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She dealt in simple facts, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as many brilliant physicians do. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Our body is made up[br]of cells," she started. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I stopped her. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I'm starting medical school soon. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I know." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Instead of taking this as a signal[br]to go backward, to start again, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she went forward. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She said that I would need[br]to start on chemotherapy 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to control the cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She launched into the details[br]of the drug and the side effects 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the schedule. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I reminded her that we hadn't even yet[br]biopsied the bright spot on my lung, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I asked if she was sure[br]that it was cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I remember viscerally how she seemed[br]almost frustrated with my question. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Perhaps she thought I wasn't[br]following along with her explanations, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or, worse still, I was in denial. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I simply wanted her to understand[br]that, as her patient, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the biopsy was not just a mere formality[br]to prove an already foregone conclusion. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It was a steel needle[br]through skin, muscle and bone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that would deliver a deep piece of me[br]to the surface and answer a question 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I wish didn't have to be asked. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Before the biopsy, I could be[br]a 27-year old woman 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who might have metastatic breast cancer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who probably had metastatic breast cancer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is a critical distinction, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but it's not one that's emphasized[br]in the most elite oncology training. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Instead, I was dismissed[br]with an appointment to start treatment 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in just a few weeks. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So much has happened[br]since that first visit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Ironically, the biopsy was not[br]just a mere formality. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My former oncologist was right. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It did show cancer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but it was a totally separate lung cancer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and as crazy as it sounds, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this was great news. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I did not have metastatic breast cancer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had two different cancers, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but both of them were localized, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and so the lung cancer[br]was localized enough 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that it could be removed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And so the onslaught of treatments began[br]with a lung surgery, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 continued with chemotherapy, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and ended with a breast surgery[br]just after my 28th birthday. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then two weeks later, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I started medical school. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My new oncologist, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who deals much more fluidly[br]both with facts and their implications, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 very reasonably suggested 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I should defer my acceptance[br]to medical school for a year, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 take some time to rest, to recover, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I trusted her advice. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I felt terrible during the intensive[br]chemotherapy sessions. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And so I wrote to the Dean. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I explained my circumstances, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and a deferral was speedily granted. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But as the chemo fog lifted, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I wondered what I was going[br]to do with a year. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Should I go to the beach? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I wasn't really a beach person. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And how many years did I have left anyway? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I really wanted to go to medical school. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It seemed like a missing[br]piece of my puzzle. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So instead of going around[br]and around with indecision, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I asked myself, what's the worst[br]that could happen? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, I could be too weak[br]or too sick to do the work. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It could be too hard for me emotionally. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I could fail out of medical school. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But then I remembered, that wouldn't be[br]the worst thing that happened to me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 even that year. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So why not get started? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why not continue living[br]the way that I wanted to live? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I did. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Bald and rail thin, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I put on my best earrings[br]and my favorite dress, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I started. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I pretended to belong, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I began to. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There is no way to describe[br]how hard it was. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some days it felt impossible. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It felt as I was doing things[br]that would never matter in the future. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But every day, I asked myself,[br]are you still enjoying this? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Is this still what you want to be doing? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And every day, the answer was yes, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 sometimes a very qualified yes, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but a yes. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then, just as I[br]was getting comfortable 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and feeling like I might not necessarily[br]fail out of medical school, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I received even more devastating news. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I learned that I had a mutation[br]in a gene called TP53, or P53 for short.