1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,180
每一年淨喺美國

2
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:06,930
就有 2,077,000 對新人

3
00:00:06,930 --> 00:00:09,780
作出法律同信仰嘅承諾

4
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:13,000
同另一半一齊度過一生一世

5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,880
（臺下笑聲）

6
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:20,520
同以後唔再同其他人上床

7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,570
男嘅就買戒指，女嘅就揀好婚紗

8
00:00:24,570 --> 00:00:28,060
兩個人一齊買嘢

9
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:33,000
女方會帶男方到舞蹈會所一齊學社交舞

10
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,000
最後大日子降臨

11
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,000
佢哋會喺神同家人

12
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:43,310
仲有女方爸爸以往嘅生意夥伴面前發誓

13
00:00:43,790 --> 00:00:51,460
無論貧窮、絕症、不幸

14
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:57,040
都動搖唔到男女雙方嘅愛同承諾

15
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,380
（臺下笑聲）

16
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,420
呢啲天真嘅後生仔女

17
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:04,880
承諾無論係更年期

18
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,040
中年危機或者肥胖

19
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,360
都願意同甘共苦、守望相助

20
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:17,330
直至其中一個安息

21
00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:18,000
（笑聲）

22
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,000
因為佢哋唔使再忍受對方嘅鼻鼾聲

23
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,380
婚禮當日，佢哋會變成醉貓

24
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:26,430
仲會向對方嘅面掟蛋糕
同一齊跳 Marcarena 舞

25
00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:28,000
而我哋所有朋友會企喺一邊

26
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,750
向佢哋一齊拉禮炮開香檳

27
00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,470
然後飲免費喜酒

28
00:01:32,470 --> 00:01:35,950
仲有祝一對新人百年好合

29
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,310
雖然，我哋知道

30
00:01:38,310 --> 00:01:40,270
根據統計

31
00:01:40,270 --> 00:01:43,970
有一半嘅新人十年之內會離婚

32
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,000
（臺下笑聲）

33
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,660
當然，另外半數嘅新人唔會，啱唔啱？

34
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,000
佢哋會一路唔記得結婚週年紀念日

35
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,000
仲會為咗去邊度度假起爭執

36
00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,060
甚至爭論究竟要將廁紙卷
向上拉定向下拉

37
00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,780
但係有一部分夫妻

38
00:02:02,780 --> 00:02:06,210
當兩個都唔可以再食固體食物時

39
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:09,000
都依然享受二人生活

40
00:02:09,570 --> 00:02:12,000
研究員想知道呢啲夫婦點做到

41
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,100
我嘅意思係，唔需要做
雙盲或者假藥嘅研究

42
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:19,000
先至了解到一份婚姻點解會失敗︰

43
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,070
唔尊重、無聊

44
00:02:22,070 --> 00:02:24,000
用太多時間喺 Facebook

45
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,000
同其他人發生性關係，都係原因

46
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,560
但係上述四樣嘢係可以調返轉︰

47
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,000
尊重、刺激

48
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,820
上唔到網

49
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:38,000
同埋必須遵守嘅一夫一妻制

50
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,080
但就算做足呢四樣嘢
婚姻都未必維持到

51
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:44,270
咁樣，嗰啲成功嘅婚姻
到底係點樣維繫嘅呢？

52
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:50,700
嗰啲白頭到老嘅夫婦有啲咩共同之處？

53
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,400
佢哋係點樣做到嘅？

54
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,290
我哋要點樣向佢哋學習？

55
00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:59,000
再者，如果你仲係單身而又快樂

56
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,580
咁點解你要放棄原有嘅生活

57
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:09,010
去搵一個會令你下半世
都不得安寧嘅另一半？

58
00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:14,580
研究員用咗你哋嘅納稅錢
嘗試揾出箇中原因

59
00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:16,620
佢哋跟蹤嗰啲幸福小夫妻

60
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:19,780
觀察佢哋嘅一舉一動，包括特殊癖好

61
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:23,440
然後佢哋揾出有咩因素令佢哋與別不同

62
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,700
得以避免重蹈鄰居同朋友嘅覆轍

63
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,450
最後得出來嘅結果係

64
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:31,010
呢啲成功故事嘅共同點

65
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:34,500
唔止係唔會對另一半不忠

66
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,680
舉例，成功嘅婚姻關係

67
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,560
太太通常會比丈夫來得瘦同好睇

68
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,000
（臺下笑聲）

69
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,000
顯然係啱嘅

70
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,810
顯然呢個係成功婚姻嘅要素

71
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:50,590
因為女人注重身形同外貌

72
00:03:50,590 --> 00:03:53,000
而男人只對性有興趣

73
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,130
而且最好係身形同外觀比自己好嘅女人

74
00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,190
呢個研究有一樣嘢可取︰

75
00:04:00,190 --> 00:04:03,810
就係冇話女人一定要瘦至幸福

76
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,590
我哋淨係需要比另一半瘦就得啦

77
00:04:06,590 --> 00:04:11,190
所以與其試勻所有節食同運動嘅方法

78
00:04:11,190 --> 00:04:13,570
我哋淨係需要等另一半變肥

79
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,610
（笑聲）

80
00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,500
或者我哋可以整多幾個批

81
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,600
呢個係好消息

82
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,000
亦唔係咁複雜難明

83
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000
（笑聲）

84
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,000
研究同時指出

85
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:28,150
幸福夫妻只會睇正面嘅嘢

86
00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,940
例如，一位幸福嘅太太

87
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:32,320
與其指出丈夫嘅肚腩有幾大

88
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,940
或者建議佢去跑步

89
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,000
佢會講

90
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,620
「嘩，親愛嘅，

91
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:41,570
多謝你任由自己嘅身形走樣
嚟令到我瘦啲。」

92
00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:42,230
（笑聲）

93
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:45,800
呢啲夫婦會喺任何情況
都會向好嘅一面睇

94
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,600
「啱啊，

95
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,000
一場大火燒曬，

96
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,680
但係喺星空之下瞓覺都唔錯啊。

97
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,010
有你身上嘅肥肉真係太好啦，

98
00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:57,640
可以保暖我哋。」

99
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,000
我最鐘意嘅研究顯示

100
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,000
老公越係肯去做家務

101
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,000
老婆越係覺得老公有吸引力

102
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,480
因為我哋正需要研究
話畀我哋知呢樣嘢……

103
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,780
（笑聲）

104
00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:12,000
成個流程就係

105
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,290
老婆越係覺得老公吸引
就越係願意做愛

106
00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:17,890
佢哋越係做得多愛
老公就越係對老婆好

107
00:05:17,890 --> 00:05:19,370
老公越對老婆好

108
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:22,000
老婆就越唔會埋怨佢喺床上亂放濕毛巾

109
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,000
咁佢哋就會長長久久喺埋一齊

110
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,970
換言之，男士們︰

111
00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:31,000
你哋應該返去屋企改下嘞

112
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,000
有個研究好有趣

113
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,710
有個研究顯示

114
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:40,260
人喺童年影相嘅時候笑
就越唔會離婚

115
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,800
呢個研究係真嘅

116
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,270
等我澄清一下︰

117
00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:49,060
呢啲研究員唔係睇啲人
對自己童年開心程度畀幾多分

118
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:51,000
或者研究舊文獻

119
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,160
研究數據係完全基於

120
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:57,030
研究對象喺相入邊睇起來開唔開心

121
00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,320
我唔清楚各位嘅年齡

122
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,000
但我仲係細個陣

123
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,770
父母影相嘅時候會攞一部特別嘅相機

124
00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:07,000
裏面裝住叫一樣嘢叫菲林嘅嘢

125
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,000
菲林好貴嘅

126
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:16,320
菲林亦唔冇得用快門連拍三百張

127
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:20,000
然後畀你揀笑容最燦爛嘅一張
來做聖誕卡

128
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,000
你就想啦

129
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,750
攝影師只會幫你著靚件衫，企好

130
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,350
再叫你喺佢嘅要求底下
喺架爛鬼相機面前笑

131
00:06:27,350 --> 00:06:29,270
或者你可以做吻別生日派對嘅姿勢

132
00:06:29,270 --> 00:06:34,130
但係，我仍然有一大堆
虛偽嘅童年開心照

133
00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:35,250
但我好開心

134
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:38,160
因為根據研究我會冇咁容易離婚

135
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:42,290
咁仲又有咩可以維繫你嘅婚姻呢？

136
00:06:42,290 --> 00:06:45,880
千奇唔好攞奧斯卡最佳女演員獎

137
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,500
（臺下笑聲）

138
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,650
我係認真嘅

139
00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,950
Bettie Davis, Joan Crawford,
Hallie Berry, Hillary Swank

140
00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:53,910
Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon

141
00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:57,600
佢哋全部喺攞完獎之後就離婚

142
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,840
啲人稱呢個係奧斯卡詛咒

143
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,780
佢係婚姻嘅終結之物

144
00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:03,860
係一定要避免嘅嘢

145
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,560
但呢唔係淨淨係攞演藝獎先至危險

146
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:15,500
連睇齣愛情喜劇都一樣會令關係破碎

147
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,110
（臺下笑聲）

148
00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:18,280
顯然

149
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:24,140
睇齣愛情喜劇搞到關係破裂呢樣嘢
未試過喺我哋身上發生

150
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:25,870
亦唔太可能發生

151
00:07:25,870 --> 00:07:29,530
但喜劇亦令我哋現實生活睇起嚟更慘

152
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,000
理論上

153
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,110
如果我哋反而揀一齣有謀殺案

154
00:07:35,110 --> 00:07:36,760
或者汽車爆炸死人嘅戲睇

155
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,490
我哋離開戲院嗰陣

156
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:41,000
反而覺得自己幾好呀

157
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,000
（笑聲）

158
00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:48,090
飲酒睇起來會破壞婚姻

159
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,000
係啊

160
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,810
飲酒我講唔到啲咩

161
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:53,780
因為我讀完個標題就冇再讀落去

162
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,330
但係跟住落嚟就更恐怖：

163
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:58,080
離婚係會傳染嘅

164
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:01,000
非常正確。當你嘅朋友選擇離婚

165
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,990
你自己離婚嘅幾率會上升 75%

166
00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:09,780
但我又唔太贊同呢一點

167
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:14,690
我同我老公身邊嘅好多朋友
都係離婚分家收場

168
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:16,570
然後到咗我哋咁嘅年紀

169
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:21,770
面對呢個色情聊天、偉哥
同用網上戀愛交友盛行嘅年代

170
00:08:21,770 --> 00:08:24,360
好辛苦咁做返單身

171
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,000
我自己興幸可以以朋友為鑒

172
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,000
而唔需要終身婚姻質詢

173
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:35,000
宜家你會諗，點解要結婚？

174
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:38,610
基本上美國政府會對已婚者

175
00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:42,350
提供超過一千項福利

176
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:45,000
包括另一半坐監時探監嘅權利

177
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,000
——但我諗你哋唔需要呢樣啦

178
00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:51,910
除咗呢啲福利

179
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:54,120
已婚夫婦嘅收入更高

180
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,290
身體更健康

181
00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:58,320
心智更開朗

182
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:03,020
我哋可以培育更健康、更穩重
同更成功嘅下一代

183
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:09,350
信唔信都好，我哋比單身嘅朋友
有更多嘅性生活

184
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:11,000
我哋活得更長命

185
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:17,740
你亦可以用長命做理由
同你心儀嘅人講「我要同你結婚」

186
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:18,520
（笑聲）

187
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:24,090
宜家你可能體驗唔到
夫婦共同報稅嘅好處

188
00:09:24,090 --> 00:09:27,000
我教唔到你點揾到一個鐘意做家務

189
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,380
有幾乎理想嘅身材同魅力

190
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:31,570
又鐘意睇恐怖片

191
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:34,390
但身邊又唔多離婚嘅朋友嘅男人或女人

192
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:37,000
但係我只係可以建議你試一試

193
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,570
因為好處——正如我所講

194
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:41,000
對你好有影響

195
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,790
重點係︰無論你已婚
或者仲喺度揾另一半

196
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:47,000
我相信婚姻係一個

197
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000
值得去經營同維護嘅公司

198
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,760
所以我希望你哋可以善用今日學到嘅嘢

199
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:56,440
用自己嘅強項嚟抗衡自己嘅風險

200
00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,500
例如，我覺得我個人嘅婚姻尚可啦

201
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喺一方面

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我老公嘅身材冇得頂

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仲好英俊

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所以我絕對有需要谷肥佢

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正如我所講

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我哋有離婚嘅朋友秘密
或者無意咁想拆散我哋

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所以我哋要多加留意人哋嘅一舉一動

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我哋有時仲會歎一兩杯雞尾酒

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喺另一方面

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我有好多假開心相

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我老公又會不停咁做家務

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亦喺有生之年樂意唔睇愛情喜劇

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於是我擁有美好婚姻嘅一切

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但為咗以防萬一

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我會更加努力唔攞奧斯卡獎

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你哋為咗自己嘅婚姻

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我建議你哋都做同樣嘅事

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做完之後，我哋下次出嚟飲酒傾

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（掌聲）