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Depression is one of the 
most poorly understood

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conditions on the planet.

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All experts weigh in

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on what the cause is

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and cures of this situation is,

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but the thing is,

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is that most of what they say

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is all over the map.

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And often, is contradictory.

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And this can lead to people who
are suffering from depression,

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feeling even more depressed.

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Before I get into this episode,

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because I'm going to weigh in,

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on what actually is causing 
depression how to cure it,

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I have to say that depression 
is not a character flaw,

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depression is not a weakness

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and it is not something that 
people should be ashamed of.

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What if I told you that you 
could understand depression,

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if you understood a single sentence.

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I'm gonna give you 
that sentence now,

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and I'm going to actually use 
the remainder of this episode

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to fully explain this in depth,

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as well as what to do about it.

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The sentence is this:

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There is a big difference 
between resisting futility,

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and accepting futility.

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Depression

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Everything that you feel has a cause.

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Dysfunctional brain chemicals

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or imbalance of brain chemicals,

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is not a cause, it's a symptom.

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You have to understand that,

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before we go deeper into the 
actual cause of depression.

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We are creators at our core.

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What I mean by that is that

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we are designed to come into 
our physical time-space reality

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and to create the life 
we specifically want.

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If we can't do this,

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then how we feel is that we 
cannot create personal expansion,

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we cannot fulfill our needs

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and we cannot fulfill our desires.

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This defies the entire 
purpose of even being here.

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Basically when we can't do this,

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we feel completely powerless.

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Depression is caused by 
a situation in our life

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(or many)

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being something where no 
matter how many times we try

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and try and try,

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we cannot cause it to 
turn into what we want,

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and what would meet our needs.

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Therefore we feel it is futile.

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Futility and depression 
are synonymous.

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Now what you will find is that life

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is relationships.

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If you're talking about your "work life"

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what you're really talking about

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is the relationship that you have

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to the people you work with,

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bosses,

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colleagues,

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any of the above.

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When you're talking about "home life",

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what you're really talking about

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is also relationships,

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but this time with parents, 
siblings, children, spouse...

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And here's the thing,

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even when you're talking 
about a futile situation

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that has to do with you,

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that's still a relationship.

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It's a relationship between 
two parts of you.

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It's: "I feel futility

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about the part of me that 
continues to behave in this way."

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It's still a relationship.

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So, Fundamentally,

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if we go even deeper

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and we drill this down 
to the root of the root,

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this is what depression is about.

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This futility of depression,

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is that you perceive

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that in order for something to 
become what you want and need,

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you need cooperation

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from other people 
involved in this situation

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or other parts of yourself.

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Because you can't 
create it or change it

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by yourself or despite yourself.

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But they will not collaborate

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and cooperate.

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Therefore this incapacity 
to change the situation,

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because you can't do 
anything about it,

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makes your self-esteem 
go out the window.

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And you perceive yourself 
to be forced to surrender

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to the tortured endedness,

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of the fact that your 
life is suffering.

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This is pure futility.

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It is terrifying to learn that 
you cannot make someone

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take your best interest 
as part of their own,

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and collaborate toward you 
feeling good in a given situation.

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This causes anxiety.

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But this anxiety is 
simply the first phase

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before someone hits 
a sense of futility.

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But this is what makes 
depression, depression.

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When you hit that phase of futility,

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Instead of accepting that futility,

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you resist it.

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Part of you does not give up.

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Even though you see it's futile.

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Now what this does,

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because you're so heavily identified,

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with that part that is so separated

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from what you really 
want and really need,

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is almost like you're not 
lost in the darkness,

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you are the darkness.

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To comprehend the 
way this works,

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I want you to imagine 
somebody who is

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in front of a gate,

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and this gate is blocking them 
from getting to a village

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that they really want to get into.

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Now this person will try every way

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that they can possibly try

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to get through this gate 
and into the village,

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until it dawns on them,

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that it isn't happening.

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It's futile.

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At this point they sit down.

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But what they do sitting down,

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is they emotionally

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resist the fact that 
that gate is closed.

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Because in them there's 
actually a hope

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that even though it's completely 
out of their control,

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one day,

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maybe,

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it might happen.

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Basically, that suffering and darkness

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is just something you 
have to hang on through.

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Now all of this is done

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as opposed to accepting 
the futility of the situation

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and going to find another village.

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What you have to 
see is that part of you

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is not willing to let go completely.

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You refuse to cut your losses.

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You're so tied to the images of 
how you need something to be,

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that you won't give up on it.

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This resistance to the futility itself,

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is what makes you so 
exhausted all the time.

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And also keeps you stuck in futility.

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Because you live in a 
time-space reality

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based on the law of mirroring.

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Whatever you resist persists.

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Now people who are 
suffering from depression

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when they really look at 
this dynamic of depression,

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come up with reasons why 
they can't cut their losses.

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But what they 
have to do, in fact,

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to even get out of depression is to 
realize that it's actually a choice.

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There's a big difference between: 
"I can't" and "I choose not to."

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a lot of times when we say 
"can't" it just means that

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I literally am in a situation where 
it feels like so much of a lose-lose

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that it's not really a 
choice even though it is.

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But here's the thing;

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No one knows better 
than me, that you have

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completely valid reasons to 
never be able to cut your losses.

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But the thing is,

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is you also have to see that it 
keeps you powerless forever.

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It's critical to become aware of

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just what you are so attached 
to that you can't let go of.

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By accepting that it 
will never come to be.

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What are you afraid will happen,

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if you accept it is and 
always will be futile?

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It's at this point that it's 
worth it to mention

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that some people actually 
use depression,

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as a way of avoiding suicide.

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I know that's funny,

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cuz most people think 
depression leads to suicide,

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but actually depression is 
a way of avoiding suicide,

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for as long as it works.

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because of this;

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Most people are afraid that 
if they really cut their losses

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and really accept the 
futility instead of resist it,

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accept that that thing 
that they can't let go of,

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will never come to be in the way 
they want it to come to be.

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A great majority of people think:

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"You know, if I had to accept that,

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I would have no reason to live."

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"In fact, I'd wanna die."

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Basically, they would see no future anymore.

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Now this often happens because

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a lot of times when we suffer 
from chronic depression,

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we have the kind of personality

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where we want what we want,

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and we want it in 
a very specific way.

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And we can't see that 
that thing we want

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can come through any other way.

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So for example,

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I work with a lot of people 
who struggle with depression

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and it's like: "Well I want 
love from that one person,

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and everything else is just 
like a crappy substitute."

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"So, unless that one 
person loves me,

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in a situation where quite literally 
they don't and so it's futile,"

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then I don't want to live anymore."

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Now I know that it's hard 
if you've never experienced

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the meeting of a need, 
any other way,

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to know that this universe,

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is full of unlimited potentials.

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So I'm not asking you overnight

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to just get: "Well, if you 
just walked away

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from that village gate there 
would be another village."

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Most of you are like:

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"I don't know that there's 
any other village,

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I could be wandering the desert 
for the length of a Bible."

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But even that

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can be an excuse that you use

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to not cut your losses and 
to not accept futility.

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And this means,

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and it's what you're gonna 
have to see eventually,

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you're actually committed to a dead end.

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It's a common assumption

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that depression is synonymous 
with suppression.

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And this is both true,

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and not true.

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The reason is,

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is that most people, 
when they suppress,

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they're suppressing 
because by suppressing,

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they do get something 
that they actually need.

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For example,

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I'm in a relationship where 
another person's not okay

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with my anger and I 
want a good relationship,

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so if I suppress, I can have a peaceful 
relationship with this person.

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Now, we all know that 
doesn't work long-term.

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But the suppression is 
still not ending in futility.

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Now what makes depression 
so different from this,

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is that a person with depression
is often suppressing,

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not because they're 
actively suppressing,

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(it's not actually getting them anything).

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What it is, is that
after years of trying

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to get that thing that they 
need and want so badly

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to come to fruition, 
and it not working,

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through expression,

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they realize there's 
no freaking point.

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Anytime they expressed themselves

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and what they needed 
and what they wanted

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and anytime they 
express themselves

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so as to try to get somebody to 
change something they were doing

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so that that could 
manifest in their life,

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it was futile.

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So, this means, that a person 
ends up in a situation

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where why would I scream,

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if there was no one 
there to hear me?

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Yes, this means that a person 
has to suppress their truth

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and be inauthentic.

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But it's a very different flavor 
than normal suppression.

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The flavor of it is,

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there's no point.

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It's at this point,

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that I have to explain

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that this is a reason why 
there's such a high rate

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of depression in childhood.

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Because childhood is actually prison.

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We don't like to look at it that way,

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but that's how it is.

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If you can't leave 
your childhood home,

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unless someone rescues you from it,

261
00:10:39,729 --> 00:10:41,759
and most people aren't 
going to do that,

262
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:44,464
because most people are gonna 
recognize a home as being:

263
00:10:44,464 --> 00:10:47,600
"a loving home" as long as 
certain needs are provided,

264
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,450
then you're a captive.

265
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:51,019
And your experience

266
00:10:51,019 --> 00:10:54,129
and your capacity to bring 
about what you desire,

267
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:57,619
is totally dependent 
upon your keepers.

268
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:02,140
That means, if you have a parent 
who is not willing to cooperate,

269
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:04,240
by helping the child

270
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,270
line up with what they desire

271
00:11:06,270 --> 00:11:07,835
and need and want,

272
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,910
that child is powerless.

273
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,780
It is futile.

274
00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:15,390
Now here is where the spiral 
of depression gets even worse.

275
00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:19,200
Because if you are unwilling to 
accept that something is futile,

276
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,190
so as to redirect your attention

277
00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:24,650
towards any other way to 
meet those needs and desires,

278
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,509
then what you have to do is to stay

279
00:11:27,509 --> 00:11:29,489
in a situation that is futile.

280
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,749
And to do that,

281
00:11:30,749 --> 00:11:34,300
you have to actually 
betray a part of yourself.

282
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,999
So actually,

283
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:39,279
it is this refusal to accept the 
futility of a given situation,

284
00:11:39,279 --> 00:11:42,270
that causes an internal 
war to begin.

285
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:44,854
Now what do you 
know about betrayal?

286
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:47,296
When one person 
betrays another person,

287
00:11:47,296 --> 00:11:50,969
isn't that person usually 
really really angry?

288
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:54,760
This is how this part 
of you actually feels.

289
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,345
When you take an action 
to stay in a futile situation,

290
00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:02,220
and betray it in ways to 
adapt to that futile situation,

291
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,930
that part that is inside you

292
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:06,240
wants you to freaking die.

293
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,060
Emotionally, it feels like self digestion.

294
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:12,020
People who struggle 
with depression are both

295
00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:14,189
completely unaware of free will,

296
00:12:14,189 --> 00:12:16,760
and yet damaged by 
free will all the time.

297
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:18,469
This is what I mean by that:

298
00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:20,979
The majority of people who 
struggle from depression,

299
00:12:20,979 --> 00:12:23,404
they feel like it is actually 
their responsibility

300
00:12:23,404 --> 00:12:25,569
to try to get other people

301
00:12:25,569 --> 00:12:28,709
and circumstances 
outside their control,

302
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,639
to align,

303
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:33,194
so that they can create what 
they desire and want.

304
00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:35,009
In other words, they 
expect themselves

305
00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:38,028
to be able to control those conditions 
that are uncontrollable.

306
00:12:38,028 --> 00:12:40,898
And when they can't control 
those uncontrollable conditions,

307
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:43,318
It makes them feel like 
crap about themselves.

308
00:12:43,318 --> 00:12:46,698
At the same time they're 
acutely aware of free will.

309
00:12:46,698 --> 00:12:47,579
Why?

310
00:12:47,579 --> 00:12:50,983
Because it's obvious that when 
somebody else has free will,

311
00:12:50,983 --> 00:12:53,105
they are not going to 
take your interests

312
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,888
and best interest into consideration,

313
00:12:54,888 --> 00:12:57,353
they're going to do 
exactly what they want.

314
00:12:57,353 --> 00:13:01,939
Even if it's in the exact opposite 
direction of your actual desires.

315
00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:03,804
Basically your pain

316
00:13:03,804 --> 00:13:06,171
is that no one seems to 
be willing to participate

317
00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:08,409
in creating your version 
of a feel-good life.

318
00:13:08,409 --> 00:13:11,110
You feel like people 
are all taking action

319
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,870
intentionally or unintentionally

320
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:15,509
and often idiotically as if oblivious,

321
00:13:15,509 --> 00:13:17,039
against it.

322
00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:18,919
You hate them for it.

323
00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:20,684
Why do you hate something?

324
00:13:20,684 --> 00:13:22,139
Because it hurts you.

325
00:13:22,139 --> 00:13:24,159
It hurts you that it 
seems in your life,

326
00:13:24,159 --> 00:13:27,084
that nobody will use their free will

327
00:13:27,084 --> 00:13:29,979
to take your best interest 
in continued consideration,

328
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:32,434
so as to actually collaborate

329
00:13:32,434 --> 00:13:36,849
and cooperate to create a life 
that would feel good to you.

330
00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:39,349
Also because you don't see the fact

331
00:13:39,349 --> 00:13:41,324
that you are internally fragmented,

332
00:13:41,324 --> 00:13:43,169
it doesn't make a sense to you,

333
00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:45,839
why you oftentimes

334
00:13:45,839 --> 00:13:48,249
don't do what's in your 
own best interests.

335
00:13:48,249 --> 00:13:52,499
Talk about an atmosphere and 
a climate of self distrust.

336
00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:56,348
But because you're 
unwilling to accept this

337
00:13:56,889 --> 00:14:00,039
and unwilling to accept the futility,

338
00:14:00,509 --> 00:14:02,614
basically it puts you in a position

339
00:14:02,614 --> 00:14:08,039
of painfully just waiting 
for it to change one day.

340
00:14:08,039 --> 00:14:09,338
But the thing is,

341
00:14:09,338 --> 00:14:11,878
is that that waiting just gets 
more and more and more

342
00:14:11,878 --> 00:14:13,038
and more painful.

343
00:14:13,038 --> 00:14:14,808
Because as those years go on,

344
00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:17,903
it just is proven to you 
over and over and over

345
00:14:17,903 --> 00:14:19,379
and over again,

346
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:21,889
how futile situation is.

347
00:14:21,999 --> 00:14:25,394
Then the third aspect of 
the depression spiral

348
00:14:25,394 --> 00:14:27,109
sets in at this point.

349
00:14:27,109 --> 00:14:29,014
You look around the world

350
00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:30,676
and you realize:

351
00:14:30,676 --> 00:14:34,909
"No one else seems 
to feel as futile I do."

352
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,570
"Great."

353
00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:39,129
You make it mean 
something about yourself.

354
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:42,389
"There must be something 
seriously wrong with me

355
00:14:42,389 --> 00:14:44,339
because I can't feel good."

356
00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:47,509
Then the third aspect of this 
whole depression cycle

357
00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:48,564
will set in.

358
00:14:48,564 --> 00:14:50,109
And it looks like this:

359
00:14:50,109 --> 00:14:52,969
You're looking around your 
life and you're realizing:

360
00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:56,989
"No one else seems 
to feel as futile as I do."

361
00:14:57,650 --> 00:15:00,395
"Happiness seems to be 
working for everyone else."

362
00:15:00,395 --> 00:15:02,609
And then you make 
it mean something.

363
00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:06,669
"Something must be seriously wrong 
with me because I can't feel good."

364
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,595
But here's what's 
actually happening:

365
00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:10,472
because of the magnitude 
of the amount

366
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:12,459
that you care about this situation,

367
00:15:12,459 --> 00:15:15,224
coupled with the magnitude 
of futility in that situation

368
00:15:15,224 --> 00:15:16,849
you care so much about,

369
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,189
doing all these things

370
00:15:18,189 --> 00:15:20,649
that would technically 
make someone feel better,

371
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:23,669
you know isn't gonna 
change that situation.

372
00:15:23,669 --> 00:15:27,378
It would be like throwing a 
tic-tac at a charging rhino.

373
00:15:27,378 --> 00:15:29,833
Or trying to celebrate 
an ice cream sundae,

374
00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:32,619
when you know there's an 
asteroid headed towards Earth.

375
00:15:32,619 --> 00:15:35,960
Or it's like someone coming up 
and showing you a comedy skit

376
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,864
when someone you loved to death is 
dying in a deathbed in the hospital.

377
00:15:39,864 --> 00:15:41,889
You're gonna look 
at that and be like:

378
00:15:41,889 --> 00:15:44,089
"This is ridiculous at this point."

379
00:15:44,089 --> 00:15:46,399
Basically, you're aware 
that these little things

380
00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:49,199
are not gonna make this 
bigger issue any better.

381
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,424
Having said all this,

382
00:15:50,424 --> 00:15:52,876
what I'm about to say is 
gonna make a lot of people

383
00:15:52,876 --> 00:15:54,132
really angry,

384
00:15:54,132 --> 00:15:55,859
but I've got to say it.

385
00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:58,869
Depression is actually a 
relationship dysfunction.

386
00:15:58,869 --> 00:16:01,054
Most people don't want 
to see the depression

387
00:16:01,054 --> 00:16:03,799
as not chemically caused 
mental illness,

388
00:16:03,799 --> 00:16:06,869
(remember that the imbalance 
of chemicals is the symptom)

389
00:16:06,869 --> 00:16:09,264
but is the result of 
relationship dysfunction.

390
00:16:09,264 --> 00:16:12,362
Because most people don't want 
to admit to the futility itself,

391
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,660
in the relationships 
they have in life.

392
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:17,340
They would rather make 
it about how they feel.

393
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:18,629
In other words,

394
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:21,449
to sit there and focus on 
the chemical components

395
00:16:21,449 --> 00:16:23,429
of your mind and how 
they're going wrong,

396
00:16:23,429 --> 00:16:25,049
and what you can do to fix that,

397
00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:27,699
is actually a coping 
mechanism in and of itself.

398
00:16:27,699 --> 00:16:30,329
Why? Be really honest with yourself.

399
00:16:30,329 --> 00:16:33,354
It feels more empowering and less futile

400
00:16:33,354 --> 00:16:34,940
to focus on something

401
00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:37,030
you can improve about 
your own brain,

402
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,450
than it is to try to fix

403
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:40,830
the relationship dysfunctions 
in your life.

404
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,935
Especially when you're 
surrounded by people

405
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,557
who seem so completely 
unable to cooperate

406
00:16:45,557 --> 00:16:47,790
in creating anything 
that feels good to you.

407
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,999
Now death, you think 
you have me there, right?

408
00:16:49,999 --> 00:16:52,479
A lot of people slip into 
this pattern of depression

409
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,899
after they lose someone,

410
00:16:53,899 --> 00:16:56,670
this is still a relationship 
dysfunction. This is why:

411
00:16:56,670 --> 00:16:58,500
Understandably, 
when someone dies,

412
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,260
it takes a while to accept it, right?

413
00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:02,020
It takes a while to 
accept the futility.

414
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:04,640
The futility being, this person 
is never gonna come back.

415
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,970
So there's a huge period 
there were you're feeling

416
00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:09,914
actually, really angry 
that that dead person

417
00:17:09,914 --> 00:17:11,345
died in the first place,

418
00:17:11,345 --> 00:17:13,318
and isn't really collaborating anymore

419
00:17:13,318 --> 00:17:15,964
on creating this life you had 
in mind for you and them.

420
00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:18,090
There's a second form of coping

421
00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:19,666
that this actually gets us,

422
00:17:19,666 --> 00:17:21,720
when we have depression 
and we focus

423
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,537
on the chemical component

424
00:17:23,537 --> 00:17:26,187
of the dysfunction 
that we're experiencing.

425
00:17:26,187 --> 00:17:27,605
And that is,

426
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:30,998
that maybe, just maybe,

427
00:17:30,998 --> 00:17:33,011
if people see that we're 
not doing good

428
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,580
and that we have something 
actually wrong with us,

429
00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:38,121
they might actually cooperate,

430
00:17:38,121 --> 00:17:40,251
even if it is because of pity,

431
00:17:40,251 --> 00:17:42,514
enough to stop antagonizing

432
00:17:42,514 --> 00:17:45,604
our creation of what 
we want and need.

433
00:17:46,486 --> 00:17:47,874
For this reason,

434
00:17:48,474 --> 00:17:50,319
I'm going to say it's your choice

435
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,161
whether you decide to use
antidepressant medication

436
00:17:53,161 --> 00:17:53,944
to begin with.

437
00:17:53,944 --> 00:17:56,493
I have huge issues with 
anti depression meds,

438
00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,966
for a lot of different reasons,

439
00:17:59,966 --> 00:18:02,150
but some people seem to like them.

440
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:04,140
The reason that I'm 
not going to propose

441
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,856
anti-depression medication,

442
00:18:05,856 --> 00:18:07,604
as a treatment for depression,

443
00:18:07,604 --> 00:18:10,299
is because it's like 
shutting up the voice

444
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:14,047
that's screaming about what it 
actually needs to do to heal.

445
00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:17,999
Sometimes painkillers have a purpose.

446
00:18:17,999 --> 00:18:19,325
If they work for you.

447
00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:22,609
Sometimes that purpose is to take 
the edge off the pain enough

448
00:18:22,609 --> 00:18:25,359
to let you focus on 
the actual root cause

449
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,092
of an issue so as to change it.

450
00:18:27,442 --> 00:18:30,544
But thinking that any 
type of depression med

451
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,220
is going to cure depression,

452
00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:36,019
is thinking that if you 
clip a little bit of a stem,

453
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:37,649
that's coming out of the ground,

454
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,550
that it's never going 
to grow back again.

455
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:40,550
It is!

456
00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:41,689
The root is there.

457
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:43,574
All that being said,

458
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:46,190
what should you do if you 
are dealing with depression?

459
00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:47,445
#1.

460
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,124
Face your futility.

461
00:18:50,610 --> 00:18:53,198
Overcoming depression is all about

462
00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:56,355
admitting to and recognizing

463
00:18:56,355 --> 00:19:00,752
the fact that you actually
feel complete futility.

464
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:05,349
Facing those situations 
that are causing the futility,

465
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:09,639
resolving the situation that 
is causing you futility,

466
00:19:09,639 --> 00:19:11,478
even and especially

467
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:14,354
when that means accepting the futility

468
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,467
so you can focus on getting 
that thing somewhere else.

469
00:19:17,730 --> 00:19:21,279
Yet again, this could be one 
situation or multiple situations,

470
00:19:21,279 --> 00:19:23,236
but right now, I want 
you to look at your life

471
00:19:23,236 --> 00:19:25,138
through this lens of futility,

472
00:19:25,138 --> 00:19:27,205
now that you're consciously aware of it.

473
00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:29,950
"How in my life,

474
00:19:30,246 --> 00:19:32,681
am I feeling completely futile?"

475
00:19:32,854 --> 00:19:35,357
People often never get 
out of depression.

476
00:19:35,357 --> 00:19:38,099
Because all of the strategies they use

477
00:19:38,099 --> 00:19:41,633
are to try to make a 
futile situation not futile,

478
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:45,175
instead of accept that 
that situation is futile,

479
00:19:45,175 --> 00:19:48,604
and trying to get those needs and 
desires met in some other way.

480
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,969
Basically, they try to resolve things

481
00:19:50,969 --> 00:19:54,848
in all of the futility resistant ways 
that they can possibly think of,

482
00:19:55,158 --> 00:19:57,059
instead of facing the fact

483
00:19:57,059 --> 00:20:00,610
that the non acceptance of the futility

484
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,288
is the problem.

485
00:20:02,879 --> 00:20:05,623
This is also why fighting depression

486
00:20:05,623 --> 00:20:07,904
is the dumbest thing you can do.

487
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:12,374
That's like resisting the resistance

488
00:20:12,374 --> 00:20:13,591
of the futility.

489
00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:14,641
~ Laughter ~

490
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:15,962
#2.

491
00:20:15,962 --> 00:20:19,259
Do the completion process 
with the feeling of futility,

492
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:20,519
specifically.

493
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,359
If you feel futility in your life,

494
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,532
and this is what's causing 
your depression,

495
00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:27,915
then it is about the futility 
in a current situation,

496
00:20:27,915 --> 00:20:30,541
but what you have to accept and see,

497
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:33,396
is that that futility in 
the current situation,

498
00:20:33,396 --> 00:20:36,290
is in fact a repeat or reflection,

499
00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:40,900
of a likewise scenario of futility

500
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,924
that occurred in your childhood.

501
00:20:42,924 --> 00:20:44,889
This is a repetitive pattern.

502
00:20:45,189 --> 00:20:47,824
Obviously, we've got to resolve the root.

503
00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:51,374
So, I want you to learn 
the completion process.

504
00:20:51,374 --> 00:20:52,950
If you want to do this,

505
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:55,394
my best suggestion is to 
pick up a copy of my book

506
00:20:55,394 --> 00:20:57,236
that is quite literally titled:

507
00:20:57,236 --> 00:20:58,982
The Completion Process

508
00:20:58,982 --> 00:21:01,149
And if you don't want 
to do it by yourself,

509
00:21:01,149 --> 00:21:03,047
if you want to be led 
through the process,

510
00:21:03,047 --> 00:21:04,944
you can find a practitioner

511
00:21:04,944 --> 00:21:07,186
to lead you through this process at

512
00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:09,662
www.thecompletionprocess.com

513
00:21:09,662 --> 00:21:10,538
#3.

514
00:21:10,538 --> 00:21:12,003
You need to work directly

515
00:21:12,003 --> 00:21:14,460
with the part of you 
that resists the futility

516
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:16,469
and refuses to cut your losses.

517
00:21:16,469 --> 00:21:19,120
This is the part that continues 
to keep you adapting

518
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,222
to the futile situation in ways 
that are detrimental to you.

519
00:21:22,222 --> 00:21:25,242
And this sets up a pattern of 
self-hate and internal anger.

520
00:21:25,768 --> 00:21:28,639
Also, work with a part of you 
that is opposite of that one.

521
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,151
You don't even need to know 
what that part is specifically.

522
00:21:31,151 --> 00:21:32,310
You can simply say:

523
00:21:32,310 --> 00:21:34,590
"I choose with my free will to 
become the opposite part

524
00:21:34,590 --> 00:21:36,430
to the one that refuses 
to accept the futility

525
00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:37,719
and cut my losses."

526
00:21:37,719 --> 00:21:39,501
And allow yourself to 
really be overtaken

527
00:21:39,501 --> 00:21:41,685
by the energy of 
that part of yourself.

528
00:21:41,685 --> 00:21:44,381
To understand how to work with a 
fragment of your own consciousness

529
00:21:44,381 --> 00:21:45,978
like this, watch my video titled:

530
00:21:45,978 --> 00:21:48,147
Fragmentation (The Worldwide Disease)

531
00:21:48,147 --> 00:21:51,584
Also to increase the understanding 
about the internally focused anger

532
00:21:51,584 --> 00:21:54,116
that is created by this part of 
you, watch my video titled:

533
00:21:54,116 --> 00:21:56,803
Bulldozing (The Way To Ruin 
Your Relationship With Yourself)

534
00:21:56,803 --> 00:21:59,520
4. Having accepted the futility,

535
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:03,029
you have got to find different 
ways to move forward

536
00:22:03,029 --> 00:22:04,991
to get those needs and desires met

537
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,226
in different ways that 
aren't dependent upon

538
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:09,882
the futile elements of that situation.

539
00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:11,859
Do something new.

540
00:22:12,239 --> 00:22:15,105
Look for the options that you DO have.

541
00:22:15,450 --> 00:22:17,915
We get so stuck and 
locked in depression

542
00:22:17,915 --> 00:22:20,527
because we are so focused 
on what isn't there

543
00:22:20,527 --> 00:22:22,122
and what isn't happening.

544
00:22:22,213 --> 00:22:23,847
The gate isn't opening.

545
00:22:24,764 --> 00:22:27,600
Instead of looking for a gate that's open.

546
00:22:28,205 --> 00:22:31,670
Resisting a futile situation,
puts you in a rut in life.

547
00:22:31,670 --> 00:22:33,590
And this is why it 
can be so beneficial,

548
00:22:33,590 --> 00:22:36,096
if you're struggling from 
depression, to just make a change.

549
00:22:36,096 --> 00:22:39,431
And I'll tell you something, the more 
drastic the change the better.

550
00:22:39,431 --> 00:22:41,987
Depression is all about focusing

551
00:22:41,987 --> 00:22:45,212
on what you can't change and refusing 
to accept you can't change it.

552
00:22:45,212 --> 00:22:47,324
Instead of focusing on something else,

553
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:48,977
or doing something else.

554
00:22:49,587 --> 00:22:51,679
So I want you to ask 
yourself this question:

555
00:22:51,679 --> 00:22:55,749
"If I accepted that what I want 
is never and I mean NEVER,

556
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,215
going to happen,

557
00:22:57,215 --> 00:22:59,651
what would I do then or instead?"

558
00:22:59,991 --> 00:23:02,515
I know you've heard about 
this type of scenario before.

559
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:03,564
It's this thing:

560
00:23:03,564 --> 00:23:06,018
if you stop focusing on 
the door that's closed,

561
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:09,270
only then, do you see one of 
the windows that's open.

562
00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:12,333
It may be hard for you to believe 
that your needs and desires

563
00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:14,473
can be met in any other situation.

564
00:23:14,473 --> 00:23:17,467
Or even that any other 
situation actually exists.

565
00:23:17,467 --> 00:23:18,900
For this reason,

566
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:20,933
I want you to watch 
my video titled:

567
00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:22,932
The Zebra and The Watering Hole

568
00:23:22,932 --> 00:23:25,518
Also, I want you watch 
my video titled:

569
00:23:25,518 --> 00:23:27,817
How to Meet Your Unmet Needs

570
00:23:28,028 --> 00:23:30,523
5. You must develop

571
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,264
safe relationships.

572
00:23:33,729 --> 00:23:36,986
Depression is first and foremost 
relationship dysfunction.

573
00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:40,287
Dysfunction in terms of your 
relationship with people

574
00:23:40,287 --> 00:23:42,587
in your external life, 
and any sector of life,

575
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,959
and relationship dysfunction

576
00:23:44,959 --> 00:23:46,871
between your internal parts.

577
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:49,390
The specific dysfunction here,

578
00:23:49,390 --> 00:23:51,609
is that because of the 
lack of collaboration,

579
00:23:52,644 --> 00:23:55,135
you find it very hard to 
create the life you want.

580
00:23:55,402 --> 00:23:57,074
Most specifically,

581
00:23:57,074 --> 00:23:58,983
it is powerlessness and unsafety

582
00:23:58,983 --> 00:24:00,746
when no one will be an ally,

583
00:24:00,746 --> 00:24:03,503
to the creating of the 
life you desire and need.

584
00:24:03,503 --> 00:24:05,875
This means you need 
to go to places

585
00:24:05,875 --> 00:24:08,667
where people see, hear, 
feel and understand you.

586
00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:10,794
You need to heal the trauma

587
00:24:10,794 --> 00:24:12,707
of no one choosing to align with you,

588
00:24:12,707 --> 00:24:14,284
so as to participate

589
00:24:14,284 --> 00:24:17,818
in what you wanted and needed 
to create for your own happiness.

590
00:24:18,109 --> 00:24:20,354
But this is part of 
accepting the futility.

591
00:24:20,354 --> 00:24:23,309
To do this you have 
got to stop trying

592
00:24:23,309 --> 00:24:26,094
to get people who have no 
interest in doing this with you,

593
00:24:26,094 --> 00:24:27,363
to do this with you.

594
00:24:27,363 --> 00:24:28,599
For this reason,

595
00:24:28,599 --> 00:24:31,499
one of the most important 
videos you will ever watch,

596
00:24:31,499 --> 00:24:33,771
is a video that I did called:

597
00:24:33,771 --> 00:24:36,193
How to Create a Safe Relationship.

598
00:24:36,193 --> 00:24:40,017
Also depression is an 
intensely isolating experience.

599
00:24:40,017 --> 00:24:42,508
For so many different reasons.

600
00:24:42,508 --> 00:24:44,409
A) Because it was set up

601
00:24:44,409 --> 00:24:46,730
by that relationship
dysfunction to begin with.

602
00:24:46,939 --> 00:24:49,035
B) Because the more you see

603
00:24:49,035 --> 00:24:51,852
how unhappy you are versus 
how happy everyone else is,

604
00:24:51,852 --> 00:24:53,432
the more alone you feel.

605
00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:57,456
C ) It makes you isolate.

606
00:24:57,816 --> 00:24:58,920
For this reason,

607
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,585
I want you to pick up a copy 
of my book that is called:

608
00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:03,370
The Anatomy of Loneliness

609
00:25:03,370 --> 00:25:04,769
This book breaks down

610
00:25:04,769 --> 00:25:07,168
what the actual elements 
of loneliness are,

611
00:25:07,168 --> 00:25:08,468
what is causing it,

612
00:25:08,468 --> 00:25:11,357
and how to go from a state of 
loneliness to a state of connection.

613
00:25:11,357 --> 00:25:13,883
6. The more little things you can do

614
00:25:13,883 --> 00:25:15,809
to have control over your life,

615
00:25:15,809 --> 00:25:18,254
so you feel like you can create

616
00:25:18,254 --> 00:25:20,317
a life that is a mirror

617
00:25:20,317 --> 00:25:22,809
and match to your desires 
and needs the better.

618
00:25:22,809 --> 00:25:25,604
Now this is where most 
people go wrong with it,

619
00:25:25,604 --> 00:25:28,149
because the majority of advice

620
00:25:28,149 --> 00:25:31,201
that people give or tips 
for how to cure depression,

621
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,689
are done to try to 
make you feel better.

622
00:25:33,689 --> 00:25:36,690
Stop actually focusing 
on trying to feel better.

623
00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:39,429
Instead start trying to focus on

624
00:25:39,429 --> 00:25:42,131
what makes you feel a 
little bit more empowered,

625
00:25:42,131 --> 00:25:43,891
a little bit less powerless,

626
00:25:43,891 --> 00:25:45,589
a little bit more capable

627
00:25:45,589 --> 00:25:48,154
of doing things and being in situations

628
00:25:48,154 --> 00:25:50,381
where your needs will be met,

629
00:25:50,381 --> 00:25:52,120
instead of

630
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:53,883
situations that cause futility.

631
00:25:53,883 --> 00:25:56,844
Now the majority of advice

632
00:25:56,844 --> 00:25:59,300
that people give for how 
to overcome depression,

633
00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,240
actually fit into this category.

634
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,959
It's just you have to look at 
them in this different way.

635
00:26:03,959 --> 00:26:06,099
Instead of this being a little 
thing that I'm doing

636
00:26:06,099 --> 00:26:07,901
to try to make myself feel good,

637
00:26:07,901 --> 00:26:11,290
let it be a little thing that 
I'm doing so as to feel like

638
00:26:11,290 --> 00:26:13,008
I have a little bit more control,

639
00:26:13,008 --> 00:26:14,494
instead of futility,

640
00:26:14,494 --> 00:26:16,291
in terms of creating what I want.

641
00:26:16,591 --> 00:26:19,466
I'll give you some suggestions 
of what this might look like;

642
00:26:19,466 --> 00:26:21,999
Eating foods that make 
me specifically feel good,

643
00:26:21,999 --> 00:26:24,004
especially in mood boosting foods,

644
00:26:24,004 --> 00:26:25,446
spending time with animals,

645
00:26:25,446 --> 00:26:27,169
getting a massage or 
other form of touch,

646
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:29,328
exercising, getting enough sleep,

647
00:26:29,328 --> 00:26:31,424
setting attainable and 
achievable goals

648
00:26:31,424 --> 00:26:33,843
and scratching them off the list
when they're accomplished,

649
00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:36,170
taking on responsibilities
which enable you

650
00:26:36,170 --> 00:26:37,972
to see your positive contribution,

651
00:26:37,972 --> 00:26:39,869
visiting and making new friends,

652
00:26:39,869 --> 00:26:41,606
(this prevents you from isolating)

653
00:26:41,606 --> 00:26:45,349
taking control of your focus through 
positive focus or gratitude exercises,

654
00:26:45,349 --> 00:26:47,182
or working with your core beliefs,

655
00:26:47,912 --> 00:26:49,217
sitting out in the Sun,

656
00:26:49,217 --> 00:26:50,458
meditation,

657
00:26:50,458 --> 00:26:51,912
creating a routine,

658
00:26:51,912 --> 00:26:54,252
setting things in your 
schedule each day

659
00:26:54,252 --> 00:26:56,082
that you can look 
forward to even if

660
00:26:56,082 --> 00:26:58,098
it is as simple as watching 
a comedy show,

661
00:26:58,098 --> 00:26:59,488
picking up a new hobby,

662
00:26:59,488 --> 00:27:01,701
changing up things 
such as home decor,

663
00:27:01,701 --> 00:27:03,205
or what room you sleep in,

664
00:27:03,205 --> 00:27:05,080
or where you habitually go to eat.

665
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,840
Yet again, if you're doing 
those types of things

666
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,881
from an attitude of this 
will make me feel better,

667
00:27:09,881 --> 00:27:12,030
you will just end up more disappointed

668
00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:14,409
and with more proof that it's futile.

669
00:27:14,409 --> 00:27:15,863
Because right now,

670
00:27:15,863 --> 00:27:17,781
that's another form of futility.

671
00:27:18,351 --> 00:27:20,018
Feeling good is futile.

672
00:27:20,758 --> 00:27:23,328
Don't do these things 
to try to feel good,

673
00:27:23,328 --> 00:27:24,821
do them to try to see

674
00:27:24,821 --> 00:27:27,438
that you can have personal control,

675
00:27:27,438 --> 00:27:29,913
instead of feel totally powerless,

676
00:27:30,891 --> 00:27:32,940
to what you want and need.

677
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:36,440
If someone in your life is 
struggling with depression,

678
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,109
please don't be afraid of them.

679
00:27:39,109 --> 00:27:40,865
There's nothing to be afraid of.

680
00:27:40,865 --> 00:27:43,312
Depression is not contagious.

681
00:27:44,172 --> 00:27:46,439
Also, people who are depressed,

682
00:27:46,439 --> 00:27:48,158
they need your presence.

683
00:27:48,158 --> 00:27:50,199
They don't need your pressure.

684
00:27:50,199 --> 00:27:53,509
Now obviously, you don't 
know what to do to fix them.

685
00:27:53,509 --> 00:27:56,149
Nor does a person who's 
depressed actually need you

686
00:27:56,149 --> 00:27:57,980
to know what to do to fix them.

687
00:27:57,980 --> 00:28:01,080
And the reason that most people 
who are depressed isolate,

688
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,892
is because it sucks for them 
to be around people who

689
00:28:03,892 --> 00:28:06,258
continue to have this 
energy around them like:

690
00:28:06,258 --> 00:28:07,887
"I need you to feel better."

691
00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:09,192
That's pressure!

692
00:28:09,192 --> 00:28:11,922
So if you're going to be around 
somebody who's depressed,

693
00:28:11,922 --> 00:28:12,945
have the attitude of:

694
00:28:12,945 --> 00:28:14,823
"I don't care if you're depressed 
for the rest of your life,

695
00:28:14,823 --> 00:28:17,745
I'm still gonna be here because 
being here is where I want to be."

696
00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:21,323
That's the only type of energy 
that takes off the pressure

697
00:28:21,323 --> 00:28:23,108
for a person to suddenly feel good,

698
00:28:23,108 --> 00:28:24,771
which they feel futile about.

699
00:28:24,771 --> 00:28:26,482
And here's the thing;

700
00:28:26,882 --> 00:28:28,329
A lot of you,

701
00:28:28,329 --> 00:28:30,954
you're gonna have to 
become comfortable

702
00:28:30,954 --> 00:28:32,528
with painful emotions.

703
00:28:32,528 --> 00:28:35,697
Because most of the time when 
people experience depression,

704
00:28:35,697 --> 00:28:39,479
they lose people in their life, 
not because they feel bad,

705
00:28:39,479 --> 00:28:41,284
but because the people in their life

706
00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,106
are too afraid of their own feelings.

707
00:28:43,106 --> 00:28:45,416
To be around somebody 
who's suffering

708
00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:46,979
it makes you feel something.

709
00:28:46,979 --> 00:28:48,996
If you're not okay with 
feeling that something,

710
00:28:48,996 --> 00:28:50,599
you're gonna go away 
from that person

711
00:28:50,599 --> 00:28:53,034
sort of thinking that they're the 
cause for the way that you feel.

712
00:28:53,034 --> 00:28:56,180
Really it's just that you're terrified 
of feeling those emotions.

713
00:28:56,510 --> 00:28:59,203
Also, even if you've 
watched this video,

714
00:28:59,203 --> 00:29:01,802
there is nothing that is 
shameful about depression

715
00:29:01,802 --> 00:29:05,704
and this includes nothing shameful 
or wrong about resisting futility.

716
00:29:06,191 --> 00:29:08,339
You know what this is like, Okay?

717
00:29:08,339 --> 00:29:10,038
If you had a child,

718
00:29:10,038 --> 00:29:12,919
or something you wanted worse 
than anything in the entire universe,

719
00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:16,354
and that child was suddenly
swept down the stream,

720
00:29:16,354 --> 00:29:18,759
and there was nothing 
you could do to get them,

721
00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:21,718
how long would it take you 
to accept futility, do you think?

722
00:29:22,849 --> 00:29:25,329
This is what it's like for 
someone who's depressed.

723
00:29:25,329 --> 00:29:28,813
This means overcoming depression 
is a great deal more complicated

724
00:29:28,813 --> 00:29:30,815
than simply deciding 
with your freewill

725
00:29:30,815 --> 00:29:33,198
to stop resisting and 
accept that futility,

726
00:29:33,198 --> 00:29:35,840
and do different things that 
are empowering instead.

727
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,104
And it's a great great 
deal more difficult

728
00:29:39,104 --> 00:29:42,130
than just jumping out of a 
hole that you got stuck in.

729
00:29:42,130 --> 00:29:44,574
If you want to do the 
best that you can do

730
00:29:44,574 --> 00:29:46,256
besides being totally presence,

731
00:29:46,256 --> 00:29:48,519
than help somebody who 
is currently depressed

732
00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:49,979
to face that pain,

733
00:29:49,979 --> 00:29:52,319
instead of trying to get 
them out of their mood,

734
00:29:52,319 --> 00:29:54,738
by doing something that 
will shift their focus.

735
00:29:54,738 --> 00:29:57,485
Really help them to 
consciously go into it.

736
00:29:57,485 --> 00:29:58,905
In other words,

737
00:29:58,905 --> 00:30:01,789
instead of trying to get a depressed 
person out of their darkness,

738
00:30:01,789 --> 00:30:03,611
hold their hand and dive in.

739
00:30:03,611 --> 00:30:06,100
If you are struggling 
with depression,

740
00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:07,810
I can promise you

741
00:30:07,810 --> 00:30:10,449
that that feeling of zest for life,

742
00:30:10,449 --> 00:30:13,639
the feeling of wanting to wake up, 
of having something to live for,

743
00:30:13,639 --> 00:30:15,679
being energized, feeling inspired...

744
00:30:15,679 --> 00:30:19,162
Is on the other side of
feeling like you actually can

745
00:30:19,162 --> 00:30:21,191
create what you need and want.

746
00:30:21,726 --> 00:30:23,062
And guess what?

747
00:30:23,062 --> 00:30:25,195
There are people on this planet

748
00:30:25,195 --> 00:30:27,570
who want to cooperate 
and collaborate,

749
00:30:27,570 --> 00:30:30,744
on fulfilling those desires 
and needs with you.

750
00:30:31,283 --> 00:30:34,085
Basically, there are people 
who want to be an ally

751
00:30:34,085 --> 00:30:35,915
to the creation of what you need,

752
00:30:35,915 --> 00:30:37,370
versus an antagonist.

753
00:30:37,620 --> 00:30:39,954
But all of this is 
on the other side

754
00:30:39,954 --> 00:30:43,621
of focusing on the absence 
of what you do want.

755
00:30:44,401 --> 00:30:47,136
And all of this is on the other side of,

756
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,790
really consciously facing,

757
00:30:49,790 --> 00:30:53,258
accepting and resolving your futility,

758
00:30:53,933 --> 00:30:55,103
instead of

759
00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:56,691
subconsciously

760
00:30:56,691 --> 00:30:58,228
resisting that futility.

761
00:30:58,820 --> 00:31:00,522
Have a good week.

762
00:31:18,571 --> 00:31:21,421
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte