0:00:01.599,0:00:04.319
Depression is one of the [br]most poorly understood

0:00:04.319,0:00:05.959
conditions on the planet.

0:00:05.959,0:00:07.830
All experts weigh in

0:00:07.830,0:00:09.335
on what the cause is

0:00:09.335,0:00:11.870
and cures of this situation is,

0:00:11.870,0:00:13.180
but the thing is,

0:00:13.180,0:00:15.535
is that most of what they say

0:00:15.535,0:00:17.230
is all over the map.

0:00:17.230,0:00:19.715
And often, is contradictory.

0:00:19.715,0:00:22.780
And this can lead to people who[br]are suffering from depression,

0:00:22.780,0:00:24.920
feeling even more depressed.

0:00:24.920,0:00:26.674
Before I get into this episode,

0:00:26.674,0:00:28.531
because I'm going to weigh in,

0:00:28.531,0:00:31.909
on what actually is causing [br]depression how to cure it,

0:00:32.239,0:00:35.548
I have to say that depression [br]is not a character flaw,

0:00:35.988,0:00:38.022
depression is not a weakness

0:00:38.022,0:00:41.807
and it is not something that [br]people should be ashamed of.

0:00:41.807,0:00:44.578
What if I told you that you [br]could understand depression,

0:00:44.578,0:00:47.710
if you understood a single sentence.

0:00:47.710,0:00:50.039
I'm gonna give you [br]that sentence now,

0:00:50.039,0:00:53.314
and I'm going to actually use [br]the remainder of this episode

0:00:53.314,0:00:55.999
to fully explain this in depth,

0:00:55.999,0:00:58.289
as well as what to do about it.

0:00:58.289,0:00:59.969
The sentence is this:

0:00:59.969,0:01:04.829
There is a big difference [br]between resisting futility,

0:01:04.829,0:01:07.458
and accepting futility.

0:01:11.869,0:01:16.369
Depression

0:01:17.180,0:01:20.300
Everything that you feel has a cause.

0:01:20.300,0:01:22.414
Dysfunctional brain chemicals

0:01:22.414,0:01:24.341
or imbalance of brain chemicals,

0:01:24.341,0:01:27.219
is not a cause, it's a symptom.

0:01:27.219,0:01:29.053
You have to understand that,

0:01:29.053,0:01:33.068
before we go deeper into the [br]actual cause of depression.

0:01:33.068,0:01:36.478
We are creators at our core.

0:01:36.478,0:01:37.973
What I mean by that is that

0:01:37.973,0:01:40.930
we are designed to come into [br]our physical time-space reality

0:01:40.930,0:01:44.528
and to create the life [br]we specifically want.

0:01:44.919,0:01:46.734
If we can't do this,

0:01:46.734,0:01:50.669
then how we feel is that we [br]cannot create personal expansion,

0:01:50.669,0:01:52.479
we cannot fulfill our needs

0:01:52.479,0:01:55.139
and we cannot fulfill our desires.

0:01:55.599,0:01:59.738
This defies the entire [br]purpose of even being here.

0:01:59.738,0:02:01.782
Basically when we can't do this,

0:02:01.782,0:02:04.797
we feel completely powerless.

0:02:05.390,0:02:08.584
Depression is caused by [br]a situation in our life

0:02:08.584,0:02:09.761
(or many)

0:02:09.761,0:02:12.440
being something where no [br]matter how many times we try

0:02:12.440,0:02:13.819
and try and try,

0:02:13.819,0:02:16.444
we cannot cause it to [br]turn into what we want,

0:02:16.444,0:02:18.880
and what would meet our needs.

0:02:18.880,0:02:21.690
Therefore we feel it is futile.

0:02:21.690,0:02:24.940
Futility and depression [br]are synonymous.

0:02:24.940,0:02:27.630
Now what you will find is that life

0:02:27.630,0:02:30.649
is relationships.

0:02:30.649,0:02:33.899
If you're talking about your "work life"

0:02:33.899,0:02:35.664
what you're really talking about

0:02:35.664,0:02:37.719
is the relationship that you have

0:02:37.719,0:02:39.470
to the people you work with,

0:02:39.470,0:02:40.640
bosses,

0:02:40.640,0:02:42.370
colleagues,

0:02:42.370,0:02:43.895
any of the above.

0:02:43.895,0:02:46.207
When you're talking about "home life",

0:02:46.207,0:02:47.879
what you're really talking about

0:02:47.879,0:02:49.623
is also relationships,

0:02:49.623,0:02:53.038
but this time with parents, [br]siblings, children, spouse...

0:02:53.038,0:02:55.183
And here's the thing,

0:02:55.183,0:02:57.905
even when you're talking [br]about a futile situation

0:02:57.905,0:02:59.878
that has to do with you,

0:02:59.878,0:03:01.889
that's still a relationship.

0:03:01.889,0:03:05.020
It's a relationship between [br]two parts of you.

0:03:05.020,0:03:07.250
It's: "I feel futility

0:03:07.250,0:03:10.240
about the part of me that [br]continues to behave in this way."

0:03:10.250,0:03:12.790
It's still a relationship.

0:03:12.790,0:03:14.669
So, Fundamentally,

0:03:14.669,0:03:16.279
if we go even deeper

0:03:16.279,0:03:18.549
and we drill this down [br]to the root of the root,

0:03:18.549,0:03:20.900
this is what depression is about.

0:03:20.900,0:03:23.190
This futility of depression,

0:03:23.190,0:03:25.065
is that you perceive

0:03:25.065,0:03:28.350
that in order for something to [br]become what you want and need,

0:03:28.350,0:03:30.289
you need cooperation

0:03:30.289,0:03:32.619
from other people [br]involved in this situation

0:03:32.619,0:03:34.590
or other parts of yourself.

0:03:34.590,0:03:37.659
Because you can't [br]create it or change it

0:03:37.659,0:03:40.598
by yourself or despite yourself.

0:03:40.598,0:03:43.318
But they will not collaborate

0:03:43.318,0:03:44.918
and cooperate.

0:03:44.918,0:03:47.668
Therefore this incapacity [br]to change the situation,

0:03:47.668,0:03:50.159
because you can't do [br]anything about it,

0:03:50.159,0:03:52.459
makes your self-esteem [br]go out the window.

0:03:52.460,0:03:54.924
And you perceive yourself [br]to be forced to surrender

0:03:54.924,0:03:56.586
to the tortured endedness,

0:03:56.586,0:03:58.699
of the fact that your [br]life is suffering.

0:03:58.699,0:04:00.580
This is pure futility.

0:04:00.580,0:04:03.534
It is terrifying to learn that [br]you cannot make someone

0:04:03.534,0:04:05.740
take your best interest [br]as part of their own,

0:04:05.740,0:04:08.734
and collaborate toward you [br]feeling good in a given situation.

0:04:08.734,0:04:10.119
This causes anxiety.

0:04:10.119,0:04:13.629
But this anxiety is [br]simply the first phase

0:04:13.629,0:04:16.139
before someone hits [br]a sense of futility.

0:04:16.139,0:04:19.719
But this is what makes [br]depression, depression.

0:04:19.719,0:04:22.319
When you hit that phase of futility,

0:04:22.319,0:04:24.609
Instead of accepting that futility,

0:04:24.609,0:04:26.490
you resist it.

0:04:26.660,0:04:29.950
Part of you does not give up.

0:04:29.950,0:04:32.870
Even though you see it's futile.

0:04:32.870,0:04:34.379
Now what this does,

0:04:34.379,0:04:36.734
because you're so heavily identified,

0:04:36.734,0:04:39.969
with that part that is so separated

0:04:39.969,0:04:43.149
from what you really [br]want and really need,

0:04:43.149,0:04:46.079
is almost like you're not [br]lost in the darkness,

0:04:46.079,0:04:48.299
you are the darkness.

0:04:48.299,0:04:50.129
To comprehend the [br]way this works,

0:04:50.129,0:04:52.249
I want you to imagine [br]somebody who is

0:04:52.249,0:04:53.769
in front of a gate,

0:04:53.769,0:04:56.959
and this gate is blocking them [br]from getting to a village

0:04:56.959,0:04:59.630
that they really want to get into.

0:04:59.630,0:05:02.950
Now this person will try every way

0:05:02.950,0:05:04.540
that they can possibly try

0:05:04.540,0:05:07.300
to get through this gate [br]and into the village,

0:05:07.300,0:05:09.140
until it dawns on them,

0:05:09.140,0:05:11.220
that it isn't happening.

0:05:11.220,0:05:12.980
It's futile.

0:05:12.980,0:05:15.730
At this point they sit down.

0:05:16.409,0:05:18.314
But what they do sitting down,

0:05:18.314,0:05:19.836
is they emotionally

0:05:19.836,0:05:23.289
resist the fact that [br]that gate is closed.

0:05:23.440,0:05:26.939
Because in them there's [br]actually a hope

0:05:26.939,0:05:29.909
that even though it's completely [br]out of their control,

0:05:29.909,0:05:31.469
one day,

0:05:31.469,0:05:32.630
maybe,

0:05:32.630,0:05:34.630
it might happen.

0:05:34.630,0:05:37.524
Basically, that suffering and darkness

0:05:37.524,0:05:40.499
is just something you [br]have to hang on through.

0:05:40.499,0:05:42.484
Now all of this is done

0:05:42.484,0:05:45.356
as opposed to accepting [br]the futility of the situation

0:05:45.356,0:05:47.549
and going to find another village.

0:05:47.549,0:05:49.604
What you have to [br]see is that part of you

0:05:49.604,0:05:51.561
is not willing to let go completely.

0:05:51.561,0:05:53.769
You refuse to cut your losses.

0:05:53.769,0:05:57.084
You're so tied to the images of [br]how you need something to be,

0:05:57.084,0:05:59.159
that you won't give up on it.

0:05:59.159,0:06:01.964
This resistance to the futility itself,

0:06:01.964,0:06:04.267
is what makes you so [br]exhausted all the time.

0:06:04.267,0:06:06.830
And also keeps you stuck in futility.

0:06:06.830,0:06:08.825
Because you live in a [br]time-space reality

0:06:08.825,0:06:10.622
based on the law of mirroring.

0:06:10.622,0:06:12.770
Whatever you resist persists.

0:06:12.770,0:06:15.104
Now people who are [br]suffering from depression

0:06:15.104,0:06:17.949
when they really look at [br]this dynamic of depression,

0:06:17.949,0:06:21.240
come up with reasons why [br]they can't cut their losses.

0:06:21.240,0:06:22.939
But what they [br]have to do, in fact,

0:06:22.939,0:06:26.099
to even get out of depression is to [br]realize that it's actually a choice.

0:06:26.099,0:06:29.274
There's a big difference between: [br]"I can't" and "I choose not to."

0:06:29.274,0:06:31.809
a lot of times when we say [br]"can't" it just means that

0:06:31.809,0:06:35.253
I literally am in a situation where [br]it feels like so much of a lose-lose

0:06:35.253,0:06:37.548
that it's not really a [br]choice even though it is.

0:06:37.548,0:06:38.878
But here's the thing;

0:06:38.878,0:06:40.949
No one knows better [br]than me, that you have

0:06:40.949,0:06:45.169
completely valid reasons to [br]never be able to cut your losses.

0:06:45.169,0:06:46.623
But the thing is,

0:06:46.623,0:06:49.988
is you also have to see that it [br]keeps you powerless forever.

0:06:49.988,0:06:51.778
It's critical to become aware of

0:06:51.778,0:06:55.490
just what you are so attached [br]to that you can't let go of.

0:06:55.490,0:06:58.100
By accepting that it [br]will never come to be.

0:06:58.100,0:06:59.854
What are you afraid will happen,

0:06:59.854,0:07:03.259
if you accept it is and [br]always will be futile?

0:07:03.259,0:07:05.568
It's at this point that it's [br]worth it to mention

0:07:05.568,0:07:07.588
that some people actually [br]use depression,

0:07:07.588,0:07:09.490
as a way of avoiding suicide.

0:07:09.490,0:07:10.764
I know that's funny,

0:07:10.764,0:07:12.631
cuz most people think [br]depression leads to suicide,

0:07:12.631,0:07:15.159
but actually depression is [br]a way of avoiding suicide,

0:07:15.159,0:07:16.819
for as long as it works.

0:07:16.819,0:07:18.104
because of this;

0:07:18.104,0:07:20.936
Most people are afraid that [br]if they really cut their losses

0:07:20.936,0:07:23.659
and really accept the [br]futility instead of resist it,

0:07:23.659,0:07:26.249
accept that that thing [br]that they can't let go of,

0:07:26.249,0:07:29.790
will never come to be in the way [br]they want it to come to be.

0:07:29.790,0:07:32.029
A great majority of people think:

0:07:32.029,0:07:34.959
"You know, if I had to accept that,

0:07:34.959,0:07:37.184
I would have no reason to live."

0:07:37.184,0:07:39.370
"In fact, I'd wanna die."

0:07:39.370,0:07:42.054
Basically, they would see no future anymore.

0:07:42.054,0:07:44.146
Now this often happens because

0:07:44.146,0:07:47.419
a lot of times when we suffer [br]from chronic depression,

0:07:47.419,0:07:49.394
we have the kind of personality

0:07:49.394,0:07:51.229
where we want what we want,

0:07:51.229,0:07:53.179
and we want it in [br]a very specific way.

0:07:53.179,0:07:55.244
And we can't see that [br]that thing we want

0:07:55.244,0:07:57.700
can come through any other way.

0:07:57.700,0:07:58.840
So for example,

0:07:58.840,0:08:01.220
I work with a lot of people [br]who struggle with depression

0:08:01.220,0:08:03.809
and it's like: "Well I want [br]love from that one person,

0:08:03.809,0:08:06.379
and everything else is just [br]like a crappy substitute."

0:08:06.379,0:08:09.574
"So, unless that one [br]person loves me,

0:08:09.574,0:08:13.160
in a situation where quite literally [br]they don't and so it's futile,"

0:08:13.160,0:08:15.440
then I don't want to live anymore."

0:08:15.440,0:08:18.780
Now I know that it's hard [br]if you've never experienced

0:08:18.780,0:08:21.780
the meeting of a need, [br]any other way,

0:08:21.780,0:08:23.899
to know that this universe,

0:08:23.899,0:08:26.089
is full of unlimited potentials.

0:08:26.089,0:08:28.153
So I'm not asking you overnight

0:08:28.153,0:08:30.445
to just get: "Well, if you [br]just walked away

0:08:30.445,0:08:33.098
from that village gate there [br]would be another village."

0:08:33.098,0:08:34.253
Most of you are like:

0:08:34.253,0:08:35.931
"I don't know that there's [br]any other village,

0:08:35.931,0:08:38.759
I could be wandering the desert [br]for the length of a Bible."

0:08:38.759,0:08:40.459
But even that

0:08:40.459,0:08:42.469
can be an excuse that you use

0:08:42.469,0:08:45.720
to not cut your losses and [br]to not accept futility.

0:08:45.720,0:08:47.020
And this means,

0:08:47.020,0:08:49.500
and it's what you're gonna [br]have to see eventually,

0:08:49.500,0:08:52.990
you're actually committed to a dead end.

0:08:53.220,0:08:55.060
It's a common assumption

0:08:55.060,0:08:58.240
that depression is synonymous [br]with suppression.

0:08:58.240,0:08:59.855
And this is both true,

0:08:59.855,0:09:01.470
and not true.

0:09:01.470,0:09:02.665
The reason is,

0:09:02.665,0:09:04.702
is that most people, [br]when they suppress,

0:09:04.702,0:09:07.041
they're suppressing [br]because by suppressing,

0:09:07.041,0:09:09.730
they do get something [br]that they actually need.

0:09:09.730,0:09:10.880
For example,

0:09:10.880,0:09:13.525
I'm in a relationship where [br]another person's not okay

0:09:13.525,0:09:15.770
with my anger and I [br]want a good relationship,

0:09:15.770,0:09:19.119
so if I suppress, I can have a peaceful [br]relationship with this person.

0:09:19.119,0:09:21.269
Now, we all know that [br]doesn't work long-term.

0:09:21.269,0:09:24.310
But the suppression is [br]still not ending in futility.

0:09:24.310,0:09:27.630
Now what makes depression [br]so different from this,

0:09:27.630,0:09:30.840
is that a person with depression[br]is often suppressing,

0:09:30.840,0:09:33.090
not because they're [br]actively suppressing,

0:09:33.090,0:09:35.160
(it's not actually getting them anything).

0:09:35.160,0:09:37.580
What it is, is that[br]after years of trying

0:09:37.580,0:09:40.159
to get that thing that they [br]need and want so badly

0:09:40.159,0:09:42.740
to come to fruition, [br]and it not working,

0:09:42.740,0:09:44.409
through expression,

0:09:44.409,0:09:47.279
they realize there's [br]no freaking point.

0:09:47.279,0:09:49.174
Anytime they expressed themselves

0:09:49.174,0:09:51.221
and what they needed [br]and what they wanted

0:09:51.221,0:09:52.919
and anytime they [br]express themselves

0:09:52.919,0:09:55.259
so as to try to get somebody to [br]change something they were doing

0:09:55.259,0:09:57.489
so that that could [br]manifest in their life,

0:09:57.490,0:09:59.120
it was futile.

0:09:59.120,0:10:01.990
So, this means, that a person [br]ends up in a situation

0:10:01.990,0:10:04.055
where why would I scream,

0:10:04.055,0:10:06.420
if there was no one [br]there to hear me?

0:10:06.420,0:10:10.139
Yes, this means that a person [br]has to suppress their truth

0:10:10.139,0:10:11.679
and be inauthentic.

0:10:11.679,0:10:15.239
But it's a very different flavor [br]than normal suppression.

0:10:15.360,0:10:17.715
The flavor of it is,

0:10:17.715,0:10:19.040
there's no point.

0:10:19.040,0:10:20.309
It's at this point,

0:10:20.309,0:10:21.664
that I have to explain

0:10:21.664,0:10:24.141
that this is a reason why [br]there's such a high rate

0:10:24.141,0:10:26.459
of depression in childhood.

0:10:26.459,0:10:30.309
Because childhood is actually prison.

0:10:30.309,0:10:32.574
We don't like to look at it that way,

0:10:32.574,0:10:34.019
but that's how it is.

0:10:34.019,0:10:37.400
If you can't leave [br]your childhood home,

0:10:37.400,0:10:39.729
unless someone rescues you from it,

0:10:39.729,0:10:41.759
and most people aren't [br]going to do that,

0:10:41.759,0:10:44.464
because most people are gonna [br]recognize a home as being:

0:10:44.464,0:10:47.600
"a loving home" as long as [br]certain needs are provided,

0:10:47.600,0:10:49.450
then you're a captive.

0:10:49.450,0:10:51.019
And your experience

0:10:51.019,0:10:54.129
and your capacity to bring [br]about what you desire,

0:10:54.130,0:10:57.619
is totally dependent [br]upon your keepers.

0:10:57.920,0:11:02.140
That means, if you have a parent [br]who is not willing to cooperate,

0:11:02.140,0:11:04.240
by helping the child

0:11:04.240,0:11:06.270
line up with what they desire

0:11:06.270,0:11:07.835
and need and want,

0:11:07.835,0:11:09.910
that child is powerless.

0:11:09.910,0:11:11.780
It is futile.

0:11:11.780,0:11:15.390
Now here is where the spiral [br]of depression gets even worse.

0:11:15.390,0:11:19.200
Because if you are unwilling to [br]accept that something is futile,

0:11:19.200,0:11:21.190
so as to redirect your attention

0:11:21.190,0:11:24.650
towards any other way to [br]meet those needs and desires,

0:11:24.650,0:11:27.509
then what you have to do is to stay

0:11:27.509,0:11:29.489
in a situation that is futile.

0:11:29.489,0:11:30.749
And to do that,

0:11:30.749,0:11:34.300
you have to actually [br]betray a part of yourself.

0:11:34.300,0:11:35.999
So actually,

0:11:35.999,0:11:39.279
it is this refusal to accept the [br]futility of a given situation,

0:11:39.279,0:11:42.270
that causes an internal [br]war to begin.

0:11:42.270,0:11:44.854
Now what do you [br]know about betrayal?

0:11:44.854,0:11:47.296
When one person [br]betrays another person,

0:11:47.296,0:11:50.969
isn't that person usually [br]really really angry?

0:11:51.370,0:11:54.760
This is how this part [br]of you actually feels.

0:11:54.760,0:11:58.345
When you take an action [br]to stay in a futile situation,

0:11:58.345,0:12:02.220
and betray it in ways to [br]adapt to that futile situation,

0:12:02.220,0:12:03.930
that part that is inside you

0:12:03.930,0:12:06.240
wants you to freaking die.

0:12:06.240,0:12:09.060
Emotionally, it feels like self digestion.

0:12:09.060,0:12:12.020
People who struggle [br]with depression are both

0:12:12.020,0:12:14.189
completely unaware of free will,

0:12:14.189,0:12:16.760
and yet damaged by [br]free will all the time.

0:12:16.760,0:12:18.469
This is what I mean by that:

0:12:18.469,0:12:20.979
The majority of people who [br]struggle from depression,

0:12:20.979,0:12:23.404
they feel like it is actually [br]their responsibility

0:12:23.404,0:12:25.569
to try to get other people

0:12:25.569,0:12:28.709
and circumstances [br]outside their control,

0:12:29.049,0:12:30.639
to align,

0:12:30.639,0:12:33.194
so that they can create what [br]they desire and want.

0:12:33.194,0:12:35.009
In other words, they [br]expect themselves

0:12:35.009,0:12:38.028
to be able to control those conditions [br]that are uncontrollable.

0:12:38.028,0:12:40.898
And when they can't control [br]those uncontrollable conditions,

0:12:40.898,0:12:43.318
It makes them feel like [br]crap about themselves.

0:12:43.318,0:12:46.698
At the same time they're [br]acutely aware of free will.

0:12:46.698,0:12:47.579
Why?

0:12:47.579,0:12:50.983
Because it's obvious that when [br]somebody else has free will,

0:12:50.983,0:12:53.105
they are not going to [br]take your interests

0:12:53.105,0:12:54.888
and best interest into consideration,

0:12:54.888,0:12:57.353
they're going to do [br]exactly what they want.

0:12:57.353,0:13:01.939
Even if it's in the exact opposite [br]direction of your actual desires.

0:13:02.189,0:13:03.804
Basically your pain

0:13:03.804,0:13:06.171
is that no one seems to [br]be willing to participate

0:13:06.171,0:13:08.409
in creating your version [br]of a feel-good life.

0:13:08.409,0:13:11.110
You feel like people [br]are all taking action

0:13:11.110,0:13:12.870
intentionally or unintentionally

0:13:12.870,0:13:15.509
and often idiotically as if oblivious,

0:13:15.509,0:13:17.039
against it.

0:13:17.039,0:13:18.919
You hate them for it.

0:13:18.919,0:13:20.684
Why do you hate something?

0:13:20.684,0:13:22.139
Because it hurts you.

0:13:22.139,0:13:24.159
It hurts you that it [br]seems in your life,

0:13:24.159,0:13:27.084
that nobody will use their free will

0:13:27.084,0:13:29.979
to take your best interest [br]in continued consideration,

0:13:29.980,0:13:32.434
so as to actually collaborate

0:13:32.434,0:13:36.849
and cooperate to create a life [br]that would feel good to you.

0:13:36.959,0:13:39.349
Also because you don't see the fact

0:13:39.349,0:13:41.324
that you are internally fragmented,

0:13:41.324,0:13:43.169
it doesn't make a sense to you,

0:13:43.169,0:13:45.839
why you oftentimes

0:13:45.839,0:13:48.249
don't do what's in your [br]own best interests.

0:13:48.249,0:13:52.499
Talk about an atmosphere and [br]a climate of self distrust.

0:13:52.729,0:13:56.348
But because you're [br]unwilling to accept this

0:13:56.889,0:14:00.039
and unwilling to accept the futility,

0:14:00.509,0:14:02.614
basically it puts you in a position

0:14:02.614,0:14:08.039
of painfully just waiting [br]for it to change one day.

0:14:08.039,0:14:09.338
But the thing is,

0:14:09.338,0:14:11.878
is that that waiting just gets [br]more and more and more

0:14:11.878,0:14:13.038
and more painful.

0:14:13.038,0:14:14.808
Because as those years go on,

0:14:14.808,0:14:17.903
it just is proven to you [br]over and over and over

0:14:17.903,0:14:19.379
and over again,

0:14:19.379,0:14:21.889
how futile situation is.

0:14:21.999,0:14:25.394
Then the third aspect of [br]the depression spiral

0:14:25.394,0:14:27.109
sets in at this point.

0:14:27.109,0:14:29.014
You look around the world

0:14:29.014,0:14:30.676
and you realize:

0:14:30.676,0:14:34.909
"No one else seems [br]to feel as futile I do."

0:14:35.249,0:14:36.570
"Great."

0:14:36.570,0:14:39.129
You make it mean [br]something about yourself.

0:14:39.129,0:14:42.389
"There must be something [br]seriously wrong with me

0:14:42.389,0:14:44.339
because I can't feel good."

0:14:44.339,0:14:47.509
Then the third aspect of this [br]whole depression cycle

0:14:47.509,0:14:48.564
will set in.

0:14:48.564,0:14:50.109
And it looks like this:

0:14:50.109,0:14:52.969
You're looking around your [br]life and you're realizing:

0:14:52.969,0:14:56.989
"No one else seems [br]to feel as futile as I do."

0:14:57.650,0:15:00.395
"Happiness seems to be [br]working for everyone else."

0:15:00.395,0:15:02.609
And then you make [br]it mean something.

0:15:02.609,0:15:06.669
"Something must be seriously wrong [br]with me because I can't feel good."

0:15:06.670,0:15:08.595
But here's what's [br]actually happening:

0:15:08.595,0:15:10.472
because of the magnitude [br]of the amount

0:15:10.472,0:15:12.459
that you care about this situation,

0:15:12.459,0:15:15.224
coupled with the magnitude [br]of futility in that situation

0:15:15.224,0:15:16.849
you care so much about,

0:15:16.849,0:15:18.189
doing all these things

0:15:18.189,0:15:20.649
that would technically [br]make someone feel better,

0:15:20.649,0:15:23.669
you know isn't gonna [br]change that situation.

0:15:23.669,0:15:27.378
It would be like throwing a [br]tic-tac at a charging rhino.

0:15:27.378,0:15:29.833
Or trying to celebrate [br]an ice cream sundae,

0:15:29.833,0:15:32.619
when you know there's an [br]asteroid headed towards Earth.

0:15:32.619,0:15:35.960
Or it's like someone coming up [br]and showing you a comedy skit

0:15:35.960,0:15:39.864
when someone you loved to death is [br]dying in a deathbed in the hospital.

0:15:39.864,0:15:41.889
You're gonna look [br]at that and be like:

0:15:41.889,0:15:44.089
"This is ridiculous at this point."

0:15:44.089,0:15:46.399
Basically, you're aware [br]that these little things

0:15:46.399,0:15:49.199
are not gonna make this [br]bigger issue any better.

0:15:49.199,0:15:50.424
Having said all this,

0:15:50.424,0:15:52.876
what I'm about to say is [br]gonna make a lot of people

0:15:52.876,0:15:54.132
really angry,

0:15:54.132,0:15:55.859
but I've got to say it.

0:15:55.859,0:15:58.869
Depression is actually a [br]relationship dysfunction.

0:15:58.869,0:16:01.054
Most people don't want [br]to see the depression

0:16:01.054,0:16:03.799
as not chemically caused [br]mental illness,

0:16:03.799,0:16:06.869
(remember that the imbalance [br]of chemicals is the symptom)

0:16:06.869,0:16:09.264
but is the result of [br]relationship dysfunction.

0:16:09.264,0:16:12.362
Because most people don't want [br]to admit to the futility itself,

0:16:12.362,0:16:14.660
in the relationships [br]they have in life.

0:16:14.660,0:16:17.340
They would rather make [br]it about how they feel.

0:16:17.340,0:16:18.629
In other words,

0:16:18.629,0:16:21.449
to sit there and focus on [br]the chemical components

0:16:21.449,0:16:23.429
of your mind and how [br]they're going wrong,

0:16:23.429,0:16:25.049
and what you can do to fix that,

0:16:25.049,0:16:27.699
is actually a coping [br]mechanism in and of itself.

0:16:27.699,0:16:30.329
Why? Be really honest with yourself.

0:16:30.329,0:16:33.354
It feels more empowering and less futile

0:16:33.354,0:16:34.940
to focus on something

0:16:34.940,0:16:37.030
you can improve about [br]your own brain,

0:16:37.030,0:16:38.450
than it is to try to fix

0:16:38.450,0:16:40.830
the relationship dysfunctions [br]in your life.

0:16:40.830,0:16:42.935
Especially when you're [br]surrounded by people

0:16:42.935,0:16:45.557
who seem so completely [br]unable to cooperate

0:16:45.557,0:16:47.790
in creating anything [br]that feels good to you.

0:16:47.790,0:16:49.999
Now death, you think [br]you have me there, right?

0:16:49.999,0:16:52.479
A lot of people slip into [br]this pattern of depression

0:16:52.479,0:16:53.899
after they lose someone,

0:16:53.899,0:16:56.670
this is still a relationship [br]dysfunction. This is why:

0:16:56.670,0:16:58.500
Understandably, [br]when someone dies,

0:16:58.500,0:17:00.260
it takes a while to accept it, right?

0:17:00.260,0:17:02.020
It takes a while to [br]accept the futility.

0:17:02.020,0:17:04.640
The futility being, this person [br]is never gonna come back.

0:17:04.720,0:17:06.970
So there's a huge period [br]there were you're feeling

0:17:06.970,0:17:09.914
actually, really angry [br]that that dead person

0:17:09.914,0:17:11.345
died in the first place,

0:17:11.345,0:17:13.318
and isn't really collaborating anymore

0:17:13.318,0:17:15.964
on creating this life you had [br]in mind for you and them.

0:17:15.964,0:17:18.090
There's a second form of coping

0:17:18.090,0:17:19.666
that this actually gets us,

0:17:19.666,0:17:21.720
when we have depression [br]and we focus

0:17:21.720,0:17:23.537
on the chemical component

0:17:23.537,0:17:26.187
of the dysfunction [br]that we're experiencing.

0:17:26.187,0:17:27.605
And that is,

0:17:28.780,0:17:30.998
that maybe, just maybe,

0:17:30.998,0:17:33.011
if people see that we're [br]not doing good

0:17:33.011,0:17:35.580
and that we have something [br]actually wrong with us,

0:17:35.580,0:17:38.121
they might actually cooperate,

0:17:38.121,0:17:40.251
even if it is because of pity,

0:17:40.251,0:17:42.514
enough to stop antagonizing

0:17:42.514,0:17:45.604
our creation of what [br]we want and need.

0:17:46.486,0:17:47.874
For this reason,

0:17:48.474,0:17:50.319
I'm going to say it's your choice

0:17:50.319,0:17:53.161
whether you decide to use[br]antidepressant medication

0:17:53.161,0:17:53.944
to begin with.

0:17:53.944,0:17:56.493
I have huge issues with [br]anti depression meds,

0:17:58.150,0:17:59.966
for a lot of different reasons,

0:17:59.966,0:18:02.150
but some people seem to like them.

0:18:02.150,0:18:04.140
The reason that I'm [br]not going to propose

0:18:04.140,0:18:05.856
anti-depression medication,

0:18:05.856,0:18:07.604
as a treatment for depression,

0:18:07.604,0:18:10.299
is because it's like [br]shutting up the voice

0:18:10.299,0:18:14.047
that's screaming about what it [br]actually needs to do to heal.

0:18:15.554,0:18:17.999
Sometimes painkillers have a purpose.

0:18:17.999,0:18:19.325
If they work for you.

0:18:19.325,0:18:22.609
Sometimes that purpose is to take [br]the edge off the pain enough

0:18:22.609,0:18:25.359
to let you focus on [br]the actual root cause

0:18:25.359,0:18:27.092
of an issue so as to change it.

0:18:27.442,0:18:30.544
But thinking that any [br]type of depression med

0:18:30.544,0:18:32.220
is going to cure depression,

0:18:32.220,0:18:36.019
is thinking that if you [br]clip a little bit of a stem,

0:18:36.019,0:18:37.649
that's coming out of the ground,

0:18:37.649,0:18:39.550
that it's never going [br]to grow back again.

0:18:39.550,0:18:40.550
It is!

0:18:40.550,0:18:41.689
The root is there.

0:18:41.689,0:18:43.574
All that being said,

0:18:43.574,0:18:46.190
what should you do if you [br]are dealing with depression?

0:18:46.610,0:18:47.445
#1.

0:18:48.045,0:18:50.124
Face your futility.

0:18:50.610,0:18:53.198
Overcoming depression is all about

0:18:54.158,0:18:56.355
admitting to and recognizing

0:18:56.355,0:19:00.752
the fact that you actually[br]feel complete futility.

0:19:01.250,0:19:05.349
Facing those situations [br]that are causing the futility,

0:19:05.962,0:19:09.639
resolving the situation that [br]is causing you futility,

0:19:09.639,0:19:11.478
even and especially

0:19:11.478,0:19:14.354
when that means accepting the futility

0:19:14.354,0:19:17.467
so you can focus on getting [br]that thing somewhere else.

0:19:17.730,0:19:21.279
Yet again, this could be one [br]situation or multiple situations,

0:19:21.279,0:19:23.236
but right now, I want [br]you to look at your life

0:19:23.236,0:19:25.138
through this lens of futility,

0:19:25.138,0:19:27.205
now that you're consciously aware of it.

0:19:28.026,0:19:29.950
"How in my life,

0:19:30.246,0:19:32.681
am I feeling completely futile?"

0:19:32.854,0:19:35.357
People often never get [br]out of depression.

0:19:35.357,0:19:38.099
Because all of the strategies they use

0:19:38.099,0:19:41.633
are to try to make a [br]futile situation not futile,

0:19:42.013,0:19:45.175
instead of accept that [br]that situation is futile,

0:19:45.175,0:19:48.604
and trying to get those needs and [br]desires met in some other way.

0:19:48.979,0:19:50.969
Basically, they try to resolve things

0:19:50.969,0:19:54.848
in all of the futility resistant ways [br]that they can possibly think of,

0:19:55.158,0:19:57.059
instead of facing the fact

0:19:57.059,0:20:00.610
that the non acceptance of the futility

0:20:00.850,0:20:02.288
is the problem.

0:20:02.879,0:20:05.623
This is also why fighting depression

0:20:05.623,0:20:07.904
is the dumbest thing you can do.

0:20:08.474,0:20:12.374
That's like resisting the resistance

0:20:12.374,0:20:13.591
of the futility.

0:20:13.591,0:20:14.641
~ Laughter ~

0:20:15.113,0:20:15.962
#2.

0:20:15.962,0:20:19.259
Do the completion process [br]with the feeling of futility,

0:20:19.259,0:20:20.519
specifically.

0:20:20.519,0:20:22.359
If you feel futility in your life,

0:20:22.359,0:20:24.532
and this is what's causing [br]your depression,

0:20:24.532,0:20:27.915
then it is about the futility [br]in a current situation,

0:20:27.915,0:20:30.541
but what you have to accept and see,

0:20:30.541,0:20:33.396
is that that futility in [br]the current situation,

0:20:33.396,0:20:36.290
is in fact a repeat or reflection,

0:20:36.290,0:20:40.900
of a likewise scenario of futility

0:20:40.900,0:20:42.924
that occurred in your childhood.

0:20:42.924,0:20:44.889
This is a repetitive pattern.

0:20:45.189,0:20:47.824
Obviously, we've got to resolve the root.

0:20:48.854,0:20:51.374
So, I want you to learn [br]the completion process.

0:20:51.374,0:20:52.950
If you want to do this,

0:20:52.950,0:20:55.394
my best suggestion is to [br]pick up a copy of my book

0:20:55.394,0:20:57.236
that is quite literally titled:

0:20:57.236,0:20:58.982
The Completion Process

0:20:58.982,0:21:01.149
And if you don't want [br]to do it by yourself,

0:21:01.149,0:21:03.047
if you want to be led [br]through the process,

0:21:03.047,0:21:04.944
you can find a practitioner

0:21:04.944,0:21:07.186
to lead you through this process at

0:21:07.186,0:21:09.662
www.thecompletionprocess.com

0:21:09.662,0:21:10.538
#3.

0:21:10.538,0:21:12.003
You need to work directly

0:21:12.003,0:21:14.460
with the part of you [br]that resists the futility

0:21:14.460,0:21:16.469
and refuses to cut your losses.

0:21:16.469,0:21:19.120
This is the part that continues [br]to keep you adapting

0:21:19.120,0:21:22.222
to the futile situation in ways [br]that are detrimental to you.

0:21:22.222,0:21:25.242
And this sets up a pattern of [br]self-hate and internal anger.

0:21:25.768,0:21:28.639
Also, work with a part of you [br]that is opposite of that one.

0:21:28.640,0:21:31.151
You don't even need to know [br]what that part is specifically.

0:21:31.151,0:21:32.310
You can simply say:

0:21:32.310,0:21:34.590
"I choose with my free will to [br]become the opposite part

0:21:34.590,0:21:36.430
to the one that refuses [br]to accept the futility

0:21:36.430,0:21:37.719
and cut my losses."

0:21:37.719,0:21:39.501
And allow yourself to [br]really be overtaken

0:21:39.501,0:21:41.685
by the energy of [br]that part of yourself.

0:21:41.685,0:21:44.381
To understand how to work with a [br]fragment of your own consciousness

0:21:44.381,0:21:45.978
like this, watch my video titled:

0:21:45.978,0:21:48.147
Fragmentation (The Worldwide Disease)

0:21:48.147,0:21:51.584
Also to increase the understanding [br]about the internally focused anger

0:21:51.584,0:21:54.116
that is created by this part of [br]you, watch my video titled:

0:21:54.116,0:21:56.803
Bulldozing (The Way To Ruin [br]Your Relationship With Yourself)

0:21:56.803,0:21:59.520
4. Having accepted the futility,

0:21:59.520,0:22:03.029
you have got to find different [br]ways to move forward

0:22:03.029,0:22:04.991
to get those needs and desires met

0:22:04.991,0:22:07.226
in different ways that [br]aren't dependent upon

0:22:07.226,0:22:09.882
the futile elements of that situation.

0:22:10.350,0:22:11.859
Do something new.

0:22:12.239,0:22:15.105
Look for the options that you DO have.

0:22:15.450,0:22:17.915
We get so stuck and [br]locked in depression

0:22:17.915,0:22:20.527
because we are so focused [br]on what isn't there

0:22:20.527,0:22:22.122
and what isn't happening.

0:22:22.213,0:22:23.847
The gate isn't opening.

0:22:24.764,0:22:27.600
Instead of looking for a gate that's open.

0:22:28.205,0:22:31.670
Resisting a futile situation,[br]puts you in a rut in life.

0:22:31.670,0:22:33.590
And this is why it [br]can be so beneficial,

0:22:33.590,0:22:36.096
if you're struggling from [br]depression, to just make a change.

0:22:36.096,0:22:39.431
And I'll tell you something, the more [br]drastic the change the better.

0:22:39.431,0:22:41.987
Depression is all about focusing

0:22:41.987,0:22:45.212
on what you can't change and refusing [br]to accept you can't change it.

0:22:45.212,0:22:47.324
Instead of focusing on something else,

0:22:47.324,0:22:48.977
or doing something else.

0:22:49.587,0:22:51.679
So I want you to ask [br]yourself this question:

0:22:51.679,0:22:55.749
"If I accepted that what I want [br]is never and I mean NEVER,

0:22:55.749,0:22:57.215
going to happen,

0:22:57.215,0:22:59.651
what would I do then or instead?"

0:22:59.991,0:23:02.515
I know you've heard about [br]this type of scenario before.

0:23:02.515,0:23:03.564
It's this thing:

0:23:03.564,0:23:06.018
if you stop focusing on [br]the door that's closed,

0:23:06.018,0:23:09.270
only then, do you see one of [br]the windows that's open.

0:23:09.270,0:23:12.333
It may be hard for you to believe [br]that your needs and desires

0:23:12.333,0:23:14.473
can be met in any other situation.

0:23:14.473,0:23:17.467
Or even that any other [br]situation actually exists.

0:23:17.467,0:23:18.900
For this reason,

0:23:18.900,0:23:20.933
I want you to watch [br]my video titled:

0:23:20.933,0:23:22.932
The Zebra and The Watering Hole

0:23:22.932,0:23:25.518
Also, I want you watch [br]my video titled:

0:23:25.518,0:23:27.817
How to Meet Your Unmet Needs

0:23:28.028,0:23:30.523
5. You must develop

0:23:30.810,0:23:33.264
safe relationships.

0:23:33.729,0:23:36.986
Depression is first and foremost [br]relationship dysfunction.

0:23:37.220,0:23:40.287
Dysfunction in terms of your [br]relationship with people

0:23:40.287,0:23:42.587
in your external life, [br]and any sector of life,

0:23:42.587,0:23:44.959
and relationship dysfunction

0:23:44.959,0:23:46.871
between your internal parts.

0:23:47.126,0:23:49.390
The specific dysfunction here,

0:23:49.390,0:23:51.609
is that because of the [br]lack of collaboration,

0:23:52.644,0:23:55.135
you find it very hard to [br]create the life you want.

0:23:55.402,0:23:57.074
Most specifically,

0:23:57.074,0:23:58.983
it is powerlessness and unsafety

0:23:58.983,0:24:00.746
when no one will be an ally,

0:24:00.746,0:24:03.503
to the creating of the [br]life you desire and need.

0:24:03.503,0:24:05.875
This means you need [br]to go to places

0:24:05.875,0:24:08.667
where people see, hear, [br]feel and understand you.

0:24:08.667,0:24:10.794
You need to heal the trauma

0:24:10.794,0:24:12.707
of no one choosing to align with you,

0:24:12.707,0:24:14.284
so as to participate

0:24:14.284,0:24:17.818
in what you wanted and needed [br]to create for your own happiness.

0:24:18.109,0:24:20.354
But this is part of [br]accepting the futility.

0:24:20.354,0:24:23.309
To do this you have [br]got to stop trying

0:24:23.309,0:24:26.094
to get people who have no [br]interest in doing this with you,

0:24:26.094,0:24:27.363
to do this with you.

0:24:27.363,0:24:28.599
For this reason,

0:24:28.599,0:24:31.499
one of the most important [br]videos you will ever watch,

0:24:31.499,0:24:33.771
is a video that I did called:

0:24:33.771,0:24:36.193
How to Create a Safe Relationship.

0:24:36.193,0:24:40.017
Also depression is an [br]intensely isolating experience.

0:24:40.017,0:24:42.508
For so many different reasons.

0:24:42.508,0:24:44.409
A) Because it was set up

0:24:44.409,0:24:46.730
by that relationship[br]dysfunction to begin with.

0:24:46.939,0:24:49.035
B) Because the more you see

0:24:49.035,0:24:51.852
how unhappy you are versus [br]how happy everyone else is,

0:24:51.852,0:24:53.432
the more alone you feel.

0:24:53.869,0:24:57.456
C ) It makes you isolate.

0:24:57.816,0:24:58.920
For this reason,

0:24:58.920,0:25:01.585
I want you to pick up a copy [br]of my book that is called:

0:25:01.585,0:25:03.370
The Anatomy of Loneliness

0:25:03.370,0:25:04.769
This book breaks down

0:25:04.769,0:25:07.168
what the actual elements [br]of loneliness are,

0:25:07.168,0:25:08.468
what is causing it,

0:25:08.468,0:25:11.357
and how to go from a state of [br]loneliness to a state of connection.

0:25:11.357,0:25:13.883
6. The more little things you can do

0:25:13.883,0:25:15.809
to have control over your life,

0:25:15.809,0:25:18.254
so you feel like you can create

0:25:18.254,0:25:20.317
a life that is a mirror

0:25:20.317,0:25:22.809
and match to your desires [br]and needs the better.

0:25:22.809,0:25:25.604
Now this is where most [br]people go wrong with it,

0:25:25.604,0:25:28.149
because the majority of advice

0:25:28.149,0:25:31.201
that people give or tips [br]for how to cure depression,

0:25:31.440,0:25:33.689
are done to try to [br]make you feel better.

0:25:33.689,0:25:36.690
Stop actually focusing [br]on trying to feel better.

0:25:37.210,0:25:39.429
Instead start trying to focus on

0:25:39.429,0:25:42.131
what makes you feel a [br]little bit more empowered,

0:25:42.131,0:25:43.891
a little bit less powerless,

0:25:43.891,0:25:45.589
a little bit more capable

0:25:45.589,0:25:48.154
of doing things and being in situations

0:25:48.154,0:25:50.381
where your needs will be met,

0:25:50.381,0:25:52.120
instead of

0:25:52.120,0:25:53.883
situations that cause futility.

0:25:53.883,0:25:56.844
Now the majority of advice

0:25:56.844,0:25:59.300
that people give for how [br]to overcome depression,

0:25:59.300,0:26:01.240
actually fit into this category.

0:26:01.240,0:26:03.959
It's just you have to look at [br]them in this different way.

0:26:03.959,0:26:06.099
Instead of this being a little [br]thing that I'm doing

0:26:06.099,0:26:07.901
to try to make myself feel good,

0:26:07.901,0:26:11.290
let it be a little thing that [br]I'm doing so as to feel like

0:26:11.290,0:26:13.008
I have a little bit more control,

0:26:13.008,0:26:14.494
instead of futility,

0:26:14.494,0:26:16.291
in terms of creating what I want.

0:26:16.591,0:26:19.466
I'll give you some suggestions [br]of what this might look like;

0:26:19.466,0:26:21.999
Eating foods that make [br]me specifically feel good,

0:26:21.999,0:26:24.004
especially in mood boosting foods,

0:26:24.004,0:26:25.446
spending time with animals,

0:26:25.446,0:26:27.169
getting a massage or [br]other form of touch,

0:26:27.169,0:26:29.328
exercising, getting enough sleep,

0:26:29.328,0:26:31.424
setting attainable and [br]achievable goals

0:26:31.424,0:26:33.843
and scratching them off the list[br]when they're accomplished,

0:26:33.843,0:26:36.170
taking on responsibilities[br]which enable you

0:26:36.170,0:26:37.972
to see your positive contribution,

0:26:37.972,0:26:39.869
visiting and making new friends,

0:26:39.869,0:26:41.606
(this prevents you from isolating)

0:26:41.606,0:26:45.349
taking control of your focus through [br]positive focus or gratitude exercises,

0:26:45.349,0:26:47.182
or working with your core beliefs,

0:26:47.912,0:26:49.217
sitting out in the Sun,

0:26:49.217,0:26:50.458
meditation,

0:26:50.458,0:26:51.912
creating a routine,

0:26:51.912,0:26:54.252
setting things in your [br]schedule each day

0:26:54.252,0:26:56.082
that you can look [br]forward to even if

0:26:56.082,0:26:58.098
it is as simple as watching [br]a comedy show,

0:26:58.098,0:26:59.488
picking up a new hobby,

0:26:59.488,0:27:01.701
changing up things [br]such as home decor,

0:27:01.701,0:27:03.205
or what room you sleep in,

0:27:03.205,0:27:05.080
or where you habitually go to eat.

0:27:05.080,0:27:07.840
Yet again, if you're doing [br]those types of things

0:27:07.840,0:27:09.881
from an attitude of this [br]will make me feel better,

0:27:09.881,0:27:12.030
you will just end up more disappointed

0:27:12.030,0:27:14.409
and with more proof that it's futile.

0:27:14.409,0:27:15.863
Because right now,

0:27:15.863,0:27:17.781
that's another form of futility.

0:27:18.351,0:27:20.018
Feeling good is futile.

0:27:20.758,0:27:23.328
Don't do these things [br]to try to feel good,

0:27:23.328,0:27:24.821
do them to try to see

0:27:24.821,0:27:27.438
that you can have personal control,

0:27:27.438,0:27:29.913
instead of feel totally powerless,

0:27:30.891,0:27:32.940
to what you want and need.

0:27:33.360,0:27:36.440
If someone in your life is [br]struggling with depression,

0:27:36.440,0:27:39.109
please don't be afraid of them.

0:27:39.109,0:27:40.865
There's nothing to be afraid of.

0:27:40.865,0:27:43.312
Depression is not contagious.

0:27:44.172,0:27:46.439
Also, people who are depressed,

0:27:46.439,0:27:48.158
they need your presence.

0:27:48.158,0:27:50.199
They don't need your pressure.

0:27:50.199,0:27:53.509
Now obviously, you don't [br]know what to do to fix them.

0:27:53.509,0:27:56.149
Nor does a person who's [br]depressed actually need you

0:27:56.149,0:27:57.980
to know what to do to fix them.

0:27:57.980,0:28:01.080
And the reason that most people [br]who are depressed isolate,

0:28:01.080,0:28:03.892
is because it sucks for them [br]to be around people who

0:28:03.892,0:28:06.258
continue to have this [br]energy around them like:

0:28:06.258,0:28:07.887
"I need you to feel better."

0:28:07.887,0:28:09.192
That's pressure!

0:28:09.192,0:28:11.922
So if you're going to be around [br]somebody who's depressed,

0:28:11.922,0:28:12.945
have the attitude of:

0:28:12.945,0:28:14.823
"I don't care if you're depressed [br]for the rest of your life,

0:28:14.823,0:28:17.745
I'm still gonna be here because [br]being here is where I want to be."

0:28:18.365,0:28:21.323
That's the only type of energy [br]that takes off the pressure

0:28:21.323,0:28:23.108
for a person to suddenly feel good,

0:28:23.108,0:28:24.771
which they feel futile about.

0:28:24.771,0:28:26.482
And here's the thing;

0:28:26.882,0:28:28.329
A lot of you,

0:28:28.329,0:28:30.954
you're gonna have to [br]become comfortable

0:28:30.954,0:28:32.528
with painful emotions.

0:28:32.528,0:28:35.697
Because most of the time when [br]people experience depression,

0:28:35.697,0:28:39.479
they lose people in their life, [br]not because they feel bad,

0:28:39.479,0:28:41.284
but because the people in their life

0:28:41.284,0:28:43.106
are too afraid of their own feelings.

0:28:43.106,0:28:45.416
To be around somebody [br]who's suffering

0:28:45.416,0:28:46.979
it makes you feel something.

0:28:46.979,0:28:48.996
If you're not okay with [br]feeling that something,

0:28:48.996,0:28:50.599
you're gonna go away [br]from that person

0:28:50.599,0:28:53.034
sort of thinking that they're the [br]cause for the way that you feel.

0:28:53.034,0:28:56.180
Really it's just that you're terrified [br]of feeling those emotions.

0:28:56.510,0:28:59.203
Also, even if you've [br]watched this video,

0:28:59.203,0:29:01.802
there is nothing that is [br]shameful about depression

0:29:01.802,0:29:05.704
and this includes nothing shameful [br]or wrong about resisting futility.

0:29:06.191,0:29:08.339
You know what this is like, Okay?

0:29:08.339,0:29:10.038
If you had a child,

0:29:10.038,0:29:12.919
or something you wanted worse [br]than anything in the entire universe,

0:29:12.919,0:29:16.354
and that child was suddenly[br]swept down the stream,

0:29:16.354,0:29:18.759
and there was nothing [br]you could do to get them,

0:29:18.759,0:29:21.718
how long would it take you [br]to accept futility, do you think?

0:29:22.849,0:29:25.329
This is what it's like for [br]someone who's depressed.

0:29:25.329,0:29:28.813
This means overcoming depression [br]is a great deal more complicated

0:29:28.813,0:29:30.815
than simply deciding [br]with your freewill

0:29:30.815,0:29:33.198
to stop resisting and [br]accept that futility,

0:29:33.198,0:29:35.840
and do different things that [br]are empowering instead.

0:29:35.840,0:29:39.104
And it's a great great [br]deal more difficult

0:29:39.104,0:29:42.130
than just jumping out of a [br]hole that you got stuck in.

0:29:42.130,0:29:44.574
If you want to do the [br]best that you can do

0:29:44.574,0:29:46.256
besides being totally presence,

0:29:46.256,0:29:48.519
than help somebody who [br]is currently depressed

0:29:48.539,0:29:49.979
to face that pain,

0:29:49.979,0:29:52.319
instead of trying to get [br]them out of their mood,

0:29:52.319,0:29:54.738
by doing something that [br]will shift their focus.

0:29:54.738,0:29:57.485
Really help them to [br]consciously go into it.

0:29:57.485,0:29:58.905
In other words,

0:29:58.905,0:30:01.789
instead of trying to get a depressed [br]person out of their darkness,

0:30:01.789,0:30:03.611
hold their hand and dive in.

0:30:03.611,0:30:06.100
If you are struggling [br]with depression,

0:30:06.100,0:30:07.810
I can promise you

0:30:07.810,0:30:10.449
that that feeling of zest for life,

0:30:10.449,0:30:13.639
the feeling of wanting to wake up, [br]of having something to live for,

0:30:13.639,0:30:15.679
being energized, feeling inspired...

0:30:15.679,0:30:19.162
Is on the other side of[br]feeling like you actually can

0:30:19.162,0:30:21.191
create what you need and want.

0:30:21.726,0:30:23.062
And guess what?

0:30:23.062,0:30:25.195
There are people on this planet

0:30:25.195,0:30:27.570
who want to cooperate [br]and collaborate,

0:30:27.570,0:30:30.744
on fulfilling those desires [br]and needs with you.

0:30:31.283,0:30:34.085
Basically, there are people [br]who want to be an ally

0:30:34.085,0:30:35.915
to the creation of what you need,

0:30:35.915,0:30:37.370
versus an antagonist.

0:30:37.620,0:30:39.954
But all of this is [br]on the other side

0:30:39.954,0:30:43.621
of focusing on the absence [br]of what you do want.

0:30:44.401,0:30:47.136
And all of this is on the other side of,

0:30:47.320,0:30:49.790
really consciously facing,

0:30:49.790,0:30:53.258
accepting and resolving your futility,

0:30:53.933,0:30:55.103
instead of

0:30:55.103,0:30:56.691
subconsciously

0:30:56.691,0:30:58.228
resisting that futility.

0:30:58.820,0:31:00.522
Have a good week.

0:31:18.571,0:31:21.421
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte