WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.340 I'm finished, guys! I'm finished. 00:00:02.786 --> 00:00:06.005 Now, this is all about making myself credible in your eyes again, 00:00:06.005 --> 00:00:09.502 and I'm gonna do that by admitting that evolution... 00:00:10.286 --> 00:00:11.138 is a lie! 00:00:11.554 --> 00:00:13.177 (off screen voice) God damn you, Mac! 00:00:13.700 --> 00:00:15.899 (Dennis) Yes, please do, Mac. 00:00:15.899 --> 00:00:18.299 Now, as you can see, this is the Evolution Meter. 00:00:18.299 --> 00:00:20.514 And I've put God, the creator of everything, 00:00:20.514 --> 00:00:23.194 on the right side, and evolution... 00:00:23.194 --> 00:00:24.244 on the left. 00:00:24.244 --> 00:00:26.110 I went ahead and put you guys all on the fence, 00:00:26.110 --> 00:00:27.270 'cause of course you're gonna... 00:00:27.270 --> 00:00:29.971 (Dennis) Actually, no. (Charlie) Let's start where I would start. 00:00:29.972 --> 00:00:32.201 (Mac) No matter. I'm righteous. 00:00:32.354 --> 00:00:33.713 I'm not gonna stand here, 00:00:33.713 --> 00:00:38.867 present some egghead scientific argument based on fact. 00:00:38.867 --> 00:00:40.661 I'm just a regular dude. 00:00:40.661 --> 00:00:42.222 I like to drink beer. 00:00:42.222 --> 00:00:43.549 You know, I love my family. 00:00:43.549 --> 00:00:44.880 Rock, flag, and eagle, right, Charlie? 00:00:45.387 --> 00:00:46.591 He's got a point. 00:00:46.591 --> 00:00:47.658 (Dennis) No, he doesn't. (Dee) What? 00:00:47.658 --> 00:00:48.945 (Mac) See, Charlie? 00:00:48.945 --> 00:00:51.561 These liberals are trying to assassinate my character. 00:00:51.885 --> 00:00:53.267 And I can't change their mind. 00:00:53.267 --> 00:00:55.373 I won't change my mind, 'cause I don't have to. 00:00:55.373 --> 00:00:57.297 'Cause I'm an American. 00:00:57.297 --> 00:00:59.329 I won't change my mind on anything, 00:00:59.329 --> 00:01:02.466 regardless of the facts that are set out before me. 00:01:02.466 --> 00:01:06.573 I'm dug in, and I'll never change. 00:01:07.249 --> 00:01:08.802 Mac, look. You're wasting our time. 00:01:08.802 --> 00:01:11.742 You're not gonna get us to not believe in evolution. 00:01:12.188 --> 00:01:13.310 And why is that? 00:01:13.310 --> 00:01:18.000 Because the smartest scientists in the entire world all agree that it's real. 00:01:18.553 --> 00:01:22.357 I'm glad you brought that up, because, Mr. Reynolds, 00:01:22.866 --> 00:01:27.629 (Mac) science is a liar sometimes. (Dee) Oh boy. 00:01:28.336 --> 00:01:31.049 This... is Aristotle, 00:01:31.787 --> 00:01:33.810 thought to be the smartest man on the planet. 00:01:33.810 --> 00:01:36.480 He believed that the Earth was the center of the universe, 00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:39.909 and everybody believed him, because he was so smart. 00:01:39.925 --> 00:01:42.663 Until another smartest guy came around, 00:01:42.663 --> 00:01:45.437 Galileo, and he disproved that theory, 00:01:45.437 --> 00:01:49.176 making Aristotle and everybody else on Earth look like a 00:01:50.083 --> 00:01:50.949 bitch. 00:01:51.911 --> 00:01:57.104 'Course, Galileo then thought comets were an optical illusion, 00:01:57.104 --> 00:02:00.788 and there was no way that the moon could cause the ocean's tides. 00:02:01.403 --> 00:02:03.787 Everybody believed that because he was so smart. 00:02:03.787 --> 00:02:06.123 He was also wrong, 00:02:06.123 --> 00:02:10.370 making him and everyone else on Earth look like a bitch again. 00:02:10.923 --> 00:02:14.949 And then, best of all, Sir Isaac Newton gets born, 00:02:14.949 --> 00:02:17.896 and blows everybody's nips off with his big brains. 00:02:17.896 --> 00:02:20.241 'Course, he also thought he could turn metal into gold, 00:02:20.241 --> 00:02:21.842 and died eating mercury, 00:02:21.842 --> 00:02:24.127 making him yet another stupid... 00:02:25.187 --> 00:02:26.141 bitch! 00:02:27.694 --> 00:02:29.385 Are you seeing a pattern? 00:02:29.552 --> 00:02:30.259 No. 00:02:30.803 --> 00:02:35.069 Mr. Reynolds, these were all the smartest scientists on the planet. 00:02:35.069 --> 00:02:38.391 Only problem is, they kept being wrong 00:02:39.251 --> 00:02:41.297 sometimes. 00:02:41.527 --> 00:02:43.683 This is insane, you fool. 00:02:43.683 --> 00:02:46.421 I'm a fool because I have more faith in the saints that wrote the Bible? 00:02:46.421 --> 00:02:51.083 Yeah, because you just read the words of a bunch of guys that you never met, 00:02:51.083 --> 00:02:54.834 and you just take it on faith that everything they wrote was true. 00:02:54.834 --> 00:02:56.925 Hmm. And what makes you think what your scientists 00:02:56.925 --> 00:02:59.236 are writing is any more truer than my saints? 00:02:59.236 --> 00:03:02.093 Because there are volumes of proven data, 00:03:02.093 --> 00:03:04.821 numbers, you know, figures. 00:03:04.821 --> 00:03:07.066 There there are fossil records. 00:03:07.066 --> 00:03:08.692 Oh, fossil records. Ah! 00:03:08.692 --> 00:03:10.384 I didn't even think about the fossil records. 00:03:10.384 --> 00:03:11.164 I guess I'll concede. 00:03:11.164 --> 00:03:13.600 Oh, wait, uh, one more thing before I do, Mr. Reynolds. 00:03:14.415 --> 00:03:16.774 Have you seen these fossil records? 00:03:17.126 --> 00:03:19.058 Have I seen... huh? 00:03:19.058 --> 00:03:21.902 Have you pored through the data yourself? 00:03:21.902 --> 00:03:23.503 The numbers? The figures? 00:03:24.226 --> 00:03:25.373 Well, no. I'm no. 00:03:26.142 --> 00:03:27.807 Oh. Interesting. 00:03:27.807 --> 00:03:29.590 So let me get this straight, Mr. Reynolds. 00:03:30.220 --> 00:03:34.063 You get your information from a book written by men you've never met. 00:03:34.355 --> 00:03:35.859 And you take their words as truth, 00:03:35.859 --> 00:03:37.561 based on a willingness to believe, 00:03:37.561 --> 00:03:41.525 a desire to accept, a leap of... humph 00:03:41.924 --> 00:03:43.524 dare I say it? 00:03:44.170 --> 00:03:45.279 Faith? 00:03:45.556 --> 00:03:47.374 Come on, come on. 00:03:47.374 --> 00:03:48.818 Look, I mean, I don't even know how 00:03:48.818 --> 00:03:50.566 I'm supposed to respond to that, like. 00:03:51.242 --> 00:03:52.481 (Dennis) Oh come on. 00:03:52.481 --> 00:03:55.382 That is, that's a false equivalency. 00:03:55.382 --> 00:03:58.385 Just answer the question, Mr. Reynolds. 00:03:59.108 --> 00:04:01.534 Sure. Yeah, okay. 00:04:03.455 --> 00:04:04.517 I rest my case. 00:04:05.070 --> 00:04:06.630 Well, that got me. 00:04:06.630 --> 00:04:08.432 Frank, do you want me to, uh... 00:04:08.432 --> 00:04:09.767 (Frank) Put me over. (Charlie) Yeah, all right. 00:04:09.767 --> 00:04:10.510 (Dennis) What? 00:04:10.510 --> 00:04:11.445 (Charlie) Well, we're going on the fence. 00:04:11.445 --> 00:04:12.859 I mean, that's a shadow of a doubt. 00:04:12.859 --> 00:04:14.997 You actually don't believe in evolution anymore? 00:04:14.997 --> 00:04:17.366 (Charlie) I don't know. He created a reasonable doubt. 00:04:17.366 --> 00:04:19.929 He makes you sound like a stupid, uh, science bitch. 00:04:19.929 --> 00:04:21.255 (Dee) Yeah, he got you good. 00:04:21.255 --> 00:04:22.554 Oh my God.