I'm finished, guys! I'm finished.
Now, this is all about making myself credible in your eyes again,
and I'm gonna do that by admitting that evolution...
is a lie!
(off screen voice) God damn you, Mac!
(Dennis) Yes, please do, Mac.
Now, as you can see, this is the Evolution Meter.
And I've put God, the creator of everything,
on the right side, and evolution...
on the left.
I went ahead and put you guys all on the fence,
'cause of course you're gonna...
(Dennis) Actually, no. (Charlie) Let's start where I would start.
(Mac) No matter. I'm righteous.
I'm not gonna stand here,
present some egghead scientific argument based on fact.
I'm just a regular dude.
I like to drink beer.
You know, I love my family.
Rock, flag, and eagle, right, Charlie?
He's got a point.
(Dennis) No, he doesn't. (Dee) What?
(Mac) See, Charlie?
These liberals are trying to assassinate my character.
And I can't change their mind.
I won't change my mind, 'cause I don't have to.
'Cause I'm an American.
I won't change my mind on anything,
regardless of the facts that are set out before me.
I'm dug in, and I'll never change.
Mac, look. You're wasting our time.
You're not gonna get us to not believe in evolution.
And why is that?
Because the smartest scientists in the entire world all agree that it's real.
I'm glad you brought that up, because, Mr. Reynolds,
(Mac) science is a liar sometimes. (Dee) Oh boy.
This... is Aristotle,
thought to be the smartest man on the planet.
He believed that the Earth was the center of the universe,
and everybody believed him, because he was so smart.
Until another smartest guy came around,
Galileo, and he disproved that theory,
making Aristotle and everybody else on Earth look like a
bitch.
'Course, Galileo then thought comets were an optical illusion,
and there was no way that the moon could cause the ocean's tides.
Everybody believed that because he was so smart.
He was also wrong,
making him and everyone else on Earth look like a bitch again.
And then, best of all, Sir Isaac Newton gets born,
and blows everybody's nips off with his big brains.
'Course, he also thought he could turn metal into gold,
and died eating mercury,
making him yet another stupid...
bitch!
Are you seeing a pattern?
No.
Mr. Reynolds, these were all the smartest scientists on the planet.
Only problem is, they kept being wrong
sometimes.
This is insane, you fool.
I'm a fool because I have more faith in the saints that wrote the Bible?
Yeah, because you just read the words of a bunch of guys that you never met,
and you just take it on faith that everything they wrote was true.
Hmm. And what makes you think what your scientists
are writing is any more truer than my saints?
Because there are volumes of proven data,
numbers, you know, figures.
There there are fossil records.
Oh, fossil records. Ah!
I didn't even think about the fossil records.
I guess I'll concede.
Oh, wait, uh, one more thing before I do, Mr. Reynolds.
Have you seen these fossil records?
Have I seen... huh?
Have you pored through the data yourself?
The numbers? The figures?
Well, no. I'm no.
Oh. Interesting.
So let me get this straight, Mr. Reynolds.
You get your information from a book written by men you've never met.
And you take their words as truth,
based on a willingness to believe,
a desire to accept, a leap of... humph
dare I say it?
Faith?
Come on, come on.
Look, I mean, I don't even know how
I'm supposed to respond to that, like.
(Dennis) Oh come on.
That is, that's a false equivalency.
Just answer the question, Mr. Reynolds.
Sure. Yeah, okay.
I rest my case.
Well, that got me.
Frank, do you want me to, uh...
(Frank) Put me over. (Charlie) Yeah, all right.
(Dennis) What?
(Charlie) Well, we're going on the fence.
I mean, that's a shadow of a doubt.
You actually don't believe in evolution anymore?
(Charlie) I don't know. He created a reasonable doubt.
He makes you sound like a stupid, uh, science bitch.
(Dee) Yeah, he got you good.
Oh my God.