0:00:00.000,0:00:01.900 Va Multumesc. 0:00:02.870,0:00:07.698 Dupa cum stiti doamnelor si Domnilor este un adevarat haos in Orentul Mijlociu..... 0:00:07.698,0:00:12.141 Si cand vine vorba de teroristi, multi dintr-e noi nu inteleg punctul de vedere al acetuia, dar nici nu cred acest subiect. 0:00:12.141,0:00:18.182 dar ma gandeam intr-o zi, cum ar fi sa stam si sa vorbim cu acesti tipi? 0:00:24.813,0:00:27.194 Avem oportunitatea in seara asta... 0:00:27.194,0:00:31.453 Va rog uratii bun venit lui... Achmed teroristul mort. 0:00:54.181,0:00:55.296 Buna seara Achmed... 0:00:55.296,0:00:56.832 -Buna seara... 0:00:58.525,0:00:59.823 infidelilor... 0:01:01.598,0:01:02.527 Deci esti un terorist? 0:01:02.527,0:01:04.901 -Da sunt un terorist... 0:01:06.347,0:01:07.847 Ce fel de terorist? 0:01:07.847,0:01:09.282 -Un terifiant.... 0:01:10.543,0:01:11.708 terorist... 0:01:14.014,0:01:15.433 Esti speriat? 0:01:16.365,0:01:17.708 -Nu, chiar nu. 0:01:21.376,0:01:22.875 Dar acum? 0:01:22.875,0:01:24.227 -Nu, chiar nu! 0:01:29.013,0:01:30.643 Dar acum? 0:01:30.643,0:01:31.268 -Nu... 0:01:31.268,0:01:32.608 La naiba... 0:01:37.614,0:01:40.413 Am vrut sa spun....Alah, la naiba! 0:01:41.748,0:01:42.640 Liniste!! 0:01:44.115,0:01:45.253 Va omor!! 0:01:55.815,0:01:57.150 Deci Aachmed... 0:01:57.150,0:01:59.409 -Nu, nu este Achmed! 0:01:59.409,0:02:00.569 -Asta am spus si eu. 0:02:00.569,0:02:03.705 Nu, tu ai spus Acmed chhhhs 0:02:04.298,0:02:05.559 -Liniste!! 0:02:07.628,0:02:08.858 Va omor!! 0:02:18.008,0:02:19.400 Cum se scrie...? 0:02:19.400,0:02:20.230 -Ce? 0:02:22.020,0:02:23.347 Cum se scrie numele tau? 0:02:23.347,0:02:27.622 -Pai este...A,C,... 0:02:28.689,0:02:30.583 ...E,MH.., 0:02:33.969,0:02:35.200 Liniste!! 0:02:36.036,0:02:37.328 Va omor!! 0:02:45.857,0:02:49.448 Deci Achmed, daca tu esti un terorist presupun ca ai niste abilitati speciale... 0:02:49.448,0:02:51.903 -Da...sunt un sinucigas cu bomba. 0:02:51.903,0:02:54.501 -A,...deci esti terminat? 0:02:54.501,0:02:56.543 -Ce? 0:02:56.543,0:02:58.090 Ti-ai terminat slujba... 0:02:58.090,0:02:59.912 -Ba nu! 0:02:59.912,0:03:01.134 Dar esti mort... 0:03:01.135,0:03:02.788 -Nu, nu sunt... 0:03:02.788,0:03:05.536 ma simt bine... 0:03:05.536,0:03:06.912 Dar ai doar oase... 0:03:06.912,0:03:08.947 -E doar o rana... 0:03:10.394,0:03:12.031 Liniste!! 0:03:12.031,0:03:13.394 Va omor!! 0:03:17.425,0:03:21.334 Ce dracu s-a intamplat cu picioarele mele?? 0:03:22.196,0:03:23.776 -Nenorocitule... 0:03:28.977,0:03:31.427 NU MA MAI ATINGEE!!! 0:03:38.253,0:03:40.860 TE OMOR!!>>> 0:03:40.860,0:03:42.098 -Stai asa, reparam noi asta.. 0:03:42.098,0:03:45.338 -Bine, dar ce faci, ce cacat in aer.... 0:03:45.738,0:03:49.183 Stai..ceva s-a blocat acolo....la dracu.. 0:03:49.183,0:03:52.306 am nevoie de niste ligamente.. 0:03:52.306,0:03:53.544 -Dar stai nemiscat 0:03:53.544,0:03:56.722 -Bine,...nu-mi voi misca fundul... 0:03:58.049,0:04:00.954 -Idiotule, tu nu ai fund! 0:04:10.112,0:04:11.519 Asta-i Walter?? 0:04:11.519,0:04:12.160 -Da... 0:04:12.160,0:04:14.860 ma baga in sperieti... 0:04:17.585,0:04:20.578 Te rog,...nu ma pune in aceiasi valiza!! 0:04:20.578,0:04:21.289 -De ce? 0:04:21.289,0:04:22.851 are gaze...! 0:04:24.833,0:04:29.338 Maestrul gaz Saddam, nici nu se compara cu basinile lui Walter. 0:04:40.474,0:04:42.490 Nu e amuzant!! 0:04:42.490,0:04:44.551 ne va ucide! 0:04:45.699,0:04:47.738 -Asculta Achmed am ceva sa-ti spun... 0:04:47.738,0:04:48.776 -Ce? 0:04:48.776,0:04:50.583 Tu chiar esti mort! 0:04:50.583,0:04:51.590 Esti sigur?? 0:04:51.590,0:04:52.654 -Da! 0:04:52.654,0:04:55.905 Numai ce mi-am primit vaccinul antigripal... 0:04:56.226,0:04:57.433 Tu chiar esti mort! 0:04:57.433,0:04:59.973 -Stai!, daca eu sunt mort asta inseamna.... 0:04:59.973,0:05:03.135 ...ca mi-au luat cele 72 de virgine! 0:05:05.779,0:05:08.455 mi-ai luat tu virginele?? 0:05:08.455,0:05:10.675 sper ca nu..!! 0:05:10.675,0:05:11.527 -De ce?? 0:05:11.527,0:05:15.134 Sunt o gramada de tipi cu fund urat acolo sus... 0:05:17.773,0:05:21.465 Daca asta este paradisul, inseamna ca am fost pacalit! 0:05:22.029,0:05:24.608 Au spus ca sunt numai femei virgine? 0:05:24.608,0:05:26.336 -La dracu! 0:05:35.069,0:05:38.596 Stai!, l-as putea avea pe Clay Aiken!! 0:05:44.355,0:05:47.425 Le-am spus o gluma>>>:)) 0:05:47.425,0:05:49.657 -Lasa...Achmed, deci de unde vii?? 0:05:49.657,0:05:51.978 -Din valiza ta afurisita! 0:05:54.281,0:05:56.646 Le-am spus inca una>>>:)) 0:05:56.646,0:06:00.712 -Daca ai fi din valiza mea tot acest timp, cum ai trecut de agentii de paza din aeroporturi? 0:06:00.712,0:06:02.941 O, pai este simplu, cand ei deschideau valiza eu ziceam: 0:06:02.941,0:06:04.916 ...HELOOOO. 0:06:04.916,0:06:07.459 ...eu sunt Lindsay Lohan! 0:06:13.315,0:06:15.819 Le-am spus alta gluma>>>:)) 0:06:15.819,0:06:18.279 pot sa fac dracia asta si eu. 0:06:18.279,0:06:21.135 Bine! Iata inca una: doi evrei mergand intr-un bar.... 0:06:21.135,0:06:22.022 Nu.... 0:06:22.022,0:06:23.460 Ce, ce? 0:06:23.460,0:06:26.207 Nu lasi evreii in bar? 0:06:26.207,0:06:28.911 Voi rasisti tradatori! 0:06:30.491,0:06:33.396 Cea ce vreau sa spun e ca nu vreau glume rasiste in actul meu! 0:06:33.396,0:06:36.469 -Bine, ce ai zice daca as ucide evreii? 0:06:36.469,0:06:37.278 Nu! 0:06:37.278,0:06:40.382 -Glumeam, nu as ucide evreii, nu..... 0:06:40.382,0:06:44.863 Le-as arunca un ban intr-e ei, si i-asi privi cum se bat pana la moarte! 0:06:49.746,0:06:56.470 -Da,da, am facut acelasi lucru si cu 2 preoti catolici,dar i-am tocat ca pe niste copii! 0:07:01.589,0:07:06.409 -Da,da, iar castigatorul trebuia sa se bata cu Michael Jackson! :)) 0:07:09.496,0:07:11.370 -Achmed, opreste-te facand asta! 0:07:11.370,0:07:12.977 Nu le poti spune oamenilor glume dastea. 0:07:12.977,0:07:16.074 -De ce, ai omor ca sa spunem asa. 0:07:16.074,0:07:17.779 Nu le poti spune glume asa.... 0:07:17.779,0:07:18.525 -De ce? 0:07:18.525,0:07:19.901 Ai enerveaza pe oameni. 0:07:19.901,0:07:22.645 -Sunt mort, si ce-mi pasa? 0:07:22.645,0:07:25.439 Ce vrei sa fac? sa spun glume cu: cioc-cioc? 0:07:25.439,0:07:26.785 -Probabil ar fi mai bine.... 0:07:26.785,0:07:27.807 -Bine: cioc-cioc..! 0:07:27.807,0:07:28.337 -Cine-i acolo? 0:07:28.337,0:07:30.029 Eu! Te Omor! 0:07:31.863,0:07:34.383 Deci, ca sinucigas cu bomba tu ai antrenament.. 0:07:34.383,0:07:37.282 -Desigur! am avut tabara de pregatire pentru sinucigasii cu bombe. 0:07:37.282,0:07:39.089 -A, deci era o tabara misto? 0:07:39.089,0:07:41.594 asa ar fi trebuit sa fie.... 0:07:42.700,0:07:43.538 Ce s-a intamplat? 0:07:43.538,0:07:45.141 -Baieti noi... 0:07:46.285,0:07:48.733 idiotii incercau sa practice. 0:07:49.219,0:07:50.610 Si ce invatau acei tipi de acolo? 0:07:50.610,0:07:52.644 locatii, locatii, locatii. 0:07:56.343,0:07:58.243 Voi aveati vreun motto? 0:07:58.243,0:07:58.941 -Cum ar fi? 0:07:58.941,0:08:00.995 stii tu....,,noi cautam cativa oameni buni,, 0:08:00.995,0:08:03.671 -Noi cautam idioti fara viitor 0:08:04.708,0:08:06.100 Si de unde luati recrutii? 0:08:06.100,0:08:08.486 -Linia sinucigasa. 0:08:14.401,0:08:17.283 Faza asta, a fost malefica nu-i asa? 0:08:17.283,0:08:19.306 Si, mai exact ce ti s-a intamplat tie? 0:08:19.306,0:08:21.540 -Ce s-a intamplat? 0:08:21.540,0:08:26.166 Oh...daca vrei sa stii, am fost un sinucigas bomba ingrozitor. 0:08:26.166,0:08:27.558 -Ce s-a intamplat? 0:08:27.558,0:08:30.525 Am avut o detonare prematura... 0:08:31.803,0:08:36.859 Am setat timpul pentru 30 minute, dar s-a setat in mai putin de 4 secunde. 0:08:36.859,0:08:39.301 Stii cum este asta, nu? 0:08:47.075,0:08:49.734 Domnule Uragan.....? 0:08:57.705,0:08:59.934 Si Achmed, mai exact ce s-a intamplat cu tine? 0:08:59.934,0:09:04.009 pai...am dat cu benzina pe jos, iar apoi a sunat telefonul mobil si am raspuns. 0:09:04.010,0:09:06.872 ...sa ma auzi cum am facut, puff~~!! 0:09:07.499,0:09:10.783 La inceput am crezut ca mi s-au dus minutele. 0:09:11.322,0:09:11.929 Asta-i Naspa! 0:09:11.929,0:09:15.633 -Nu-i nimic, am luat acel Verizon tradator cu mine. 0:09:24.650,0:09:27.443 Si... cum e sa mori?, vezi acea lumina alba? 0:09:27.443,0:09:30.874 Daca ai avut timp deja sa vezi explozia, -Da! 0:09:30.874,0:09:34.264 Nu, ma refer ca unii oameni spun ca atunci cand mor vad lumina alba. Dar tu ce ai vazut? 0:09:34.264,0:09:37.730 -Am vazut parti de masini zburand.... 0:09:37.730,0:09:39.230 Asta a fost ultimul lucru care ati trecea prin minte? 0:09:39.230,0:09:41.247 -Fundul meu. 0:09:43.984,0:09:47.044 Walter mi-a spus sa le spun gluma asta! 0:09:48.190,0:09:49.704 Deci nu ai vazut nici-o lumina alba? 0:09:49.704,0:09:52.748 -Nu, dar am vazut un Prius albastru. 0:09:55.924,0:09:59.147 Tu chiar ai una din masinile alea? 0:10:01.232,0:10:04.474 Aia nu e o masina, ci un declansator. 0:10:04.474,0:10:12.547 Tu stiai, ca atunci cand mergi in jos spre sosea intr-un Prius, si-ti lasi mana afara pe geam masina se va intoarce? 0:10:14.190,0:10:16.233 Tu ai facut toate astea pentru niste virgine? 0:10:16.233,0:10:21.059 -Tu glumesti? Te-as ucide pentru ,,Klondike Bar,, [prajitura, inghetata cu vanilie] 0:10:21.835,0:10:23.133 Deci sa cred ca esti musulman? 0:10:23.133,0:10:24.110 -Nu prea cred. 0:10:24.110,0:10:24.731 Nu esti musulman? 0:10:24.731,0:10:25.276 -Noo... 0:10:25.276,0:10:25.896 De ce? 0:10:25.896,0:10:28.990 -Uita-te pe fundul meu scrie ,,Made in China,, 0:10:30.379,0:10:35.177 Walter a spus ca sunt doar un decorativ imputit pentru Hallowen. 0:10:38.297,0:10:39.827 Si ti-ar placea sa fii in D.C.? 0:10:39.827,0:10:42.188 -Cred ca niste idioti traiesc acolo. 0:10:42.188,0:10:43.364 -De ce? 0:10:43.364,0:10:44.928 De exemplu monumentul Washington,... 0:10:44.928,0:10:45.566 -Da? 0:10:45.566,0:10:48.668 Se pare ca nu arata mai a nimic ca tipul ala... 0:10:51.094,0:10:54.599 Arata mai degraba ca un tribut la "Bill Clinton" 0:11:01.690,0:11:03.102 Ce crezi de Bush? 0:11:03.102,0:11:06.663 -Oh, imi place Bu..,Oh vrei sa spui presedintele? Scuze! 0:11:07.324,0:11:09.300 Subtitrat by Adyso. 0:11:09.300,0:11:11.506 For more cinema subtitle video: intelslndrm@gmail.com 0:11:11.506,0:11:15.390 -->>Thx for support: http://Amara.org/ro-->> 0:11:15.390,9:59:59.000 Thanks for watching.