1
00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,001
mental health is not the mystery
that it once was

2
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:06,791
although there's a lot of things we 
don't know about how the brain works

3
00:00:06,791 --> 00:00:09,480
or why people feel certain things
or what makes it better,

4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,350
there also is a lot that we have 
figured out since the days

5
00:00:12,350 --> 00:00:16,408
of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung
and those early pioneers of psychology.

6
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,808
There are many things that we can
definitively say:

7
00:00:19,808 --> 00:00:24,373
"If you do this thing you will see
some amount of improvement ."

8
00:00:24,851 --> 00:00:27,720
The problem is that a lot
of these proven strategies

9
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,225
for improving mental health are difficult,

10
00:00:30,225 --> 00:00:32,669
uncomfortable or unpleasant to implement;

11
00:00:33,016 --> 00:00:37,540
and a trap I see people get sucked into
all the time is they keep looking

12
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:40,934
for new solutions, new answers, new ideas,

13
00:00:40,934 --> 00:00:43,735
not because they don't have any solutions

14
00:00:44,005 --> 00:00:46,821
but because they don't like
the solutions they have.

15
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:50,167
They don't want to implement the things
that they already know

16
00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:54,886
and so they spend hours and hours
reading books listening to podcasts

17
00:00:54,886 --> 00:01:00,320
watching YouTube videos to try to find
an easier faster or more convenient way

18
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,680
to make the changes they already know
they should be making.

19
00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:07,366
The thing about this is it's at best
this is procrastination

20
00:01:07,366 --> 00:01:09,075
at worst it's avoidance.

21
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:14,203
Sometimes we need to stop acquiring
new information and focus

22
00:01:14,203 --> 00:01:17,052
on applying the information
we already have.

23
00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:19,825
And rather than looking
for that magic bullet, so to speak,

24
00:01:19,825 --> 00:01:24,609
work on creating a foundation
combined with all of the things

25
00:01:24,609 --> 00:01:28,500
we already know are definitely going
to help us if we could get them going.

26
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,595
When I hear somebody in therapy say:
"I've tried everything",

27
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:37,314
what they usually mean is:
I've tried everything that I want to try".

28
00:01:37,684 --> 00:01:41,292
So that's why today instead of presenting
a new concept,

29
00:01:41,292 --> 00:01:45,149
I'm going to review some things
that you probably already know,

30
00:01:45,489 --> 00:01:51,118
but what I am hoping to do is maybe
present them in a new or novel way

31
00:01:51,118 --> 00:01:55,411
that will make them feel more accessible,
more attainable

32
00:01:55,805 --> 00:01:58,433
or more applicable
than they previously did.

33
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,880
So, without further ado
here are seven things

34
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,569
that you probably already know
you should be doing

35
00:02:04,836 --> 00:02:07,316
but might be struggling to implement
into your life.

36
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,034
And the first is doing things
that you are scared to do,

37
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:14,095
in other words exposure therapy,
facing your fears.

38
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:19,548
Your comfort zone only grows
when you are not in it.

39
00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:23,120
This is critical for you to understand.

40
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:27,927
And engaging in activities that cause you
anxiety or that cause you discomfort

41
00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:31,985
is a lot ... it's kind of like stretching
your emotional range

42
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,345
in the same way that something
like yoga or calisthenics

43
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,615
is like stretching your movement range.

44
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,900
It doesn't necessarily feel great
while you are doing it.

45
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,291
In fact it can often be an unpleasant
experience while you're doing it.

46
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:49,808
But if you do it regularly,
navigating the world

47
00:02:49,808 --> 00:02:52,691
becomes more enjoyable and less painful.

48
00:02:52,819 --> 00:02:54,512
And you're less likely to get hurt:

49
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,952
if you stretch regularly,
you are less likely to hurt your body

50
00:02:57,952 --> 00:02:59,800
when you're out and about
moving around

51
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,470
and there's fewer situations that you're
unable to physically navigate, right?

52
00:03:03,548 --> 00:03:07,108
When you practice regular exposure therapy
and work on

53
00:03:07,108 --> 00:03:09,375
in a sort of a planned strategic manner

54
00:03:09,375 --> 00:03:13,647
facing, and hopefully eventually
conquering the things you are afraid of,

55
00:03:13,647 --> 00:03:16,545
the world starts to open up to you.

56
00:03:16,545 --> 00:03:21,344
It becomes more accessible and less scary
because there are fewer situations

57
00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:26,035
you can imagine that you would find
yourself in that overwhelm your anxiety.

58
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:30,505
This is a huge part of why I used to be
so isolated when I was younger,

59
00:03:30,505 --> 00:03:33,751
it's because I was terrified of doing
literally everything

60
00:03:33,751 --> 00:03:36,848
other than playing video games in my room,
to be honest with you.

61
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:41,536
And so I avoided people I avoided
opportunity, I avoided school,

62
00:03:41,536 --> 00:03:45,723
I avoided work because I felt like
I had so few skills

63
00:03:45,723 --> 00:03:48,769
and so little coping ability that
it was only a matter of time

64
00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:51,993
before I'd encounter a situation
that would completely overwhelm me,

65
00:03:51,993 --> 00:03:54,670
so I didn't enter situations like
literally I just didn't

66
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:59,509
The more confidence you have
about your ability to navigate

67
00:03:59,509 --> 00:04:02,915
these stressful situations
the less scary life becomes

68
00:04:02,915 --> 00:04:04,983
and the more opportunities you have.

69
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:08,163
The second thing that you probably
already know you should be doing

70
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:12,500
but might be struggling to do
is taking good care of your living space.

71
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:16,051
Unless you are an absurdly wealthy person,
you are going to spend

72
00:04:16,051 --> 00:04:19,091
the vast majority of your life
in two environments:

73
00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:21,581
the place that you work
and the place that you live.

74
00:04:21,581 --> 00:04:24,156
Now the place you live: you might own
your entire home,

75
00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:25,930
you might rent, you might have a room

76
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:26,650
you might have a condo.

77
00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:29,681
Whatever you have you have
an environment that you call home.

78
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,587
And so these two environments,
your work and your home,

79
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:36,333
they have a tremendous impact
on your mental health

80
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,100
if for no reason, no other reason,
I should say, than volume.

81
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:42,556
They're where you spend
the majority of your time

82
00:04:42,556 --> 00:04:45,765
and so the way they look,
the way they feel, the way they function,

83
00:04:45,765 --> 00:04:49,058
is critical to your emotional well-being-

84
00:04:49,058 --> 00:04:52,807
We know that the environments
that you spend your time in

85
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,807
have a huge impact on your mental health.

86
00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:59,154
And basically, what it comes down to
for me, my phrasing is,

87
00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:02,317
if you're your home doesn't feel
comfortable to you,

88
00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:06,680
you basically never feel like your home,
it's like you don't have a home,

89
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:09,394
you don't have a space: you have a home

90
00:05:09,681 --> 00:05:14,340
but what you don't have is a space
in this world that feels right to you:

91
00:05:14,549 --> 00:05:17,067
that's what you're missing
and we all need that

92
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,033
and I believe we all deserve that.

93
00:05:19,033 --> 00:05:22,115
But you will not have one
unless you make one

94
00:05:22,115 --> 00:05:24,965
you're the one that has to create
and maintain it;

95
00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:27,975
and I don't always like that either
but I don't make the rules,

96
00:05:27,975 --> 00:05:30,442
I just report on them
and this is the way we work

97
00:05:30,442 --> 00:05:35,133
Taking good care of your environment
can be a very time-consuming task

98
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,941
especially if you've neglected it
for a long time

99
00:05:37,993 --> 00:05:40,894
but remember that you don't have
to do it all at once, right?

100
00:05:40,894 --> 00:05:44,958
Start small do a little bit each day
and before you know it

101
00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:47,322
maybe your heart will have a home again

102
00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:51,738
and that's something that can be
invaluable for our mental health journey.

103
00:05:51,988 --> 00:05:54,871
The third thing you probably already know
you should be doing

104
00:05:54,871 --> 00:05:56,320
but might be struggling to do

105
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,387
is to actually Implement
sleep hygiene techniques.

106
00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:01,662
There are two types of insomnia:

107
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,955
there's clinical insomnia and
there's behavioral insomnia.

108
00:06:05,681 --> 00:06:07,847
Clinical insomnia is when,
for the most part,

109
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:09,350
you are doing things right:

110
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,068
your day is structured in a way that
should allow you to fall asleep

111
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:16,155
and stay asleep reasonably well
but you are unable to do so

112
00:06:16,155 --> 00:06:17,870
and it takes hours to fall asleep.

113
00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:21,752
Behavioral insomnia is when
you have a double shot at 300 p.m.,

114
00:06:22,027 --> 00:06:25,647
you get into bed at 11:00 p.m.,
you scroll on your phone till midnight,

115
00:06:25,647 --> 00:06:27,918
then you toss and turn
until 3 in the morning.

116
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:31,840
In other words, you have insomnia
but it's because of choices you're making,

117
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,848
it's not because your brain doesn't know
how to go to sleep,

118
00:06:34,848 --> 00:06:37,051
it's because you're not letting it
go to sleep

119
00:06:37,051 --> 00:06:40,440
and you've set up your life in a way
that simply does not support sleep.

120
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,168
Most people who struggle with sleep

121
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:45,749
have behavioral insomnia,
not clinical insomnia

122
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:50,035
Clinical insomnia is actually
relatively rare and it's usually a matter

123
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:53,191
of lifestyle and habits
that are primarily facilitating

124
00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:55,682
the experience of insomnia.

125
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,319
So my question to you would be:

126
00:06:57,633 --> 00:07:00,541
"Are you actually practicing sleep hygiene

127
00:07:00,541 --> 00:07:03,614
and suffering clinical insomnia
as a result

128
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:06,499
or are you self-sabotaging
and then complaining about it?"

129
00:07:06,788 --> 00:07:09,352
Because -- not to put
too fine a point on it --

130
00:07:09,352 --> 00:07:12,421
but that's basically
what behavioral insomnia is:

131
00:07:12,421 --> 00:07:16,754
you are -- unintentionally I know, I'm
oversimplifying things a little bit --

132
00:07:17,081 --> 00:07:20,418
you're making it as difficult as possible
for your brain to fall asleep

133
00:07:20,418 --> 00:07:23,190
and then being, like:
"Brain, why didn't you fall asleep?"

134
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:26,460
I mean you're you're kind of gaslighting
your sleep cycle in a sense.

135
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,880
It's a weird way to think of it. I know,
but that's kind of what you're doing.

136
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,833
If you struggle with insomnia,
take a real honest inventory

137
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:36,921
of your nighttime routine
and ask yourself:

138
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:41,387
"Do I think it's reasonable that I should
be able to fall asleep pretty quickly

139
00:07:41,387 --> 00:07:44,159
or am I basically taking everything
I know about sleep,

140
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,449
throwing it out the window

141
00:07:45,449 --> 00:07:47,199
and thinking that's still going to work?"

142
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:48,242
Because it won't.

143
00:07:48,242 --> 00:07:50,874
You're -- you have a brain
and you have a nervous system

144
00:07:50,874 --> 00:07:55,833
and we know a lot about how these factors
affect our ability to fall asleep

145
00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,120
and stay asleep.

146
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,870
And so sleep is not really a mystery,

147
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:03,396
it's just that most people
aren't doing it right and that's really

148
00:08:03,396 --> 00:08:06,360
what I want you to consider if you're
struggling with insomnia:

149
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,770
"Am I am I doing it right or am I just
gaslighting my own sleep cycle?"

150
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:12,780
The 4th thing that you probably
already know you should be doing

151
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,337
but might be having trouble with

152
00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:17,561
is minimizing or eliminating
drug and alcohol use

153
00:08:17,711 --> 00:08:21,602
Now this one's a little bit different,
I know, because this one is harder

154
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,673
for a person to control directly
than some of the other topics

155
00:08:24,673 --> 00:08:28,036
we're going to discuss here and
believe me, I am understanding of that.

156
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:32,140
Most people who use drugs and alcohol
use them because they want to feel

157
00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:35,100
anything other than what it is like
to be themselves

158
00:08:35,510 --> 00:08:39,199
and it seems like nothing could possibly
worse than just waking up today

159
00:08:39,199 --> 00:08:42,708
and feeling like me -- and frankly I know
what that feeling is like.

160
00:08:43,143 --> 00:08:46,533
Substances put you on a physical
and mental roller coaster, though,

161
00:08:46,717 --> 00:08:49,800
where instead of changing
what it feels like to be you,

162
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,252
which is ultimately the reality
that you are struggling with

163
00:08:53,252 --> 00:08:57,357
you are temporarily escaping
what it feels like to be you

164
00:08:57,357 --> 00:09:02,396
and when the escape wears up off
you often feel even worse than before

165
00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:07,200
and therefore you feel an even stronger
desire to escape from yourself,

166
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,750
which manifests as increased substance use

167
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,589
and creates a downward spiral that
the longer it goes on

168
00:09:12,589 --> 00:09:16,300
becomes harder and harder
to extricate yourself from.

169
00:09:16,434 --> 00:09:20,023
So if this is you, and I have a little bit
of a different idea for you here,

170
00:09:20,023 --> 00:09:23,480
because everything else in this video
has been about "here's what you can do".

171
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,640
If you're struggling with drug
and alcohol use

172
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,379
and the pattern I just described
kind of sounds like you,

173
00:09:28,379 --> 00:09:31,060
maybe it's time to admit that
you cannot do this alone

174
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:33,190
and that you need some help
with this problem

175
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:38,267
Substance misuse is probably
the hardest mental health condition

176
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:41,882
to treat without support,
maybe tied with eating disorders

177
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,913
because they're very similar
neurologically

178
00:09:43,913 --> 00:09:47,349
and I think that's mainly because
it's so easy to lie to yourself.

179
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,485
And, you know, most people
aren't deceiving themselves

180
00:09:50,485 --> 00:09:54,017
about their depression or their anxiety
so, like, well, it's not that bad.

181
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:56,533
Usually you face those things
pretty head on

182
00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:58,600
you're like no this is awful
and I need help

183
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,934
but when it comes to things that produce
a momentary sense of reward

184
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,628
like eating disorders and substance misuse

185
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:07,881
you tend to rationalize,
you tend to explain,

186
00:10:07,881 --> 00:10:10,799
you tend to minimize,
you tend to make excuses.

187
00:10:10,799 --> 00:10:15,756
And if you've had several unsuccessful
attempts at changing those habits

188
00:10:15,756 --> 00:10:20,351
for yourself, maybe it's time to stop
putting so much pressure on yourself,

189
00:10:20,351 --> 00:10:23,955
to accept some help and to accept
some support in this domain.

190
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:27,664
There is no shame in that: this is
typically not a solo endeavor

191
00:10:27,664 --> 00:10:30,270
and it might be time to think
about asking for for help

192
00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:31,967
The fifth thing that you probably already
know you should be doing

193
00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:33,804
but might be having a hard time doing

194
00:10:33,804 --> 00:10:35,660
is being physically active every day.

195
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:37,800
So I mean, this one is no mystery right?

196
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,420
You probably had a million people
tell you this already,

197
00:10:40,420 --> 00:10:41,881
including your doctor every time
you see them

198
00:10:41,881 --> 00:10:44,680
and every other medical professional
you interact with.

199
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,240
You've probably heard it so many times
that you're sick of hearing it

200
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,988
and you have an innate automatic
defensive response

201
00:10:49,988 --> 00:10:51,460
when someone says this to you.

202
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:55,167
So sorry about that, because I probably
just triggered it but here's the thing:

203
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,751
your brain needs blood your brain
does not work very well

204
00:10:58,751 --> 00:11:02,611
if it does not have healthy
accessible blood flow.

205
00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:05,230
It's literally one of the resources
your brain runs on,

206
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:09,773
it's like gasoline for your brain and
most of us have very sedentary lifestyles

207
00:11:09,773 --> 00:11:12,839
which negatively impact
our cardiovascular health.

208
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,008
I mean, that's that's just the way
society is, it's not your fault.

209
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:19,160
That's the way society has gone:
most jobs don't use our bodies.

210
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,542
If you have a very physically active job

211
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,266
you probably don't need to worry
about this because

212
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:26,369
you are physically active every day,
it doesn't have to be extra,

213
00:11:26,369 --> 00:11:28,364
it doesn't have to be prescribed exercise

214
00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:32,394
if you get this in from your job
or from your kids or whatever: fine.

215
00:11:32,394 --> 00:11:34,519
But if you're like me

216
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:37,881
and you literally just sit on your butt
for nine hours a day at work,

217
00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:42,742
you need to add this if your
predefined life doesn't have enough of it.

218
00:11:42,742 --> 00:11:47,583
I'm not a fan of how society
has made us so sedentary

219
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:51,921
but it is what it is since your brain
needs blood to work right.

220
00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:55,060
Cardiovascular health is brain health.

221
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:58,795
if you constantly feel foggy, forgetful,
distracted or moody,

222
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:01,981
it might be because your brain
doesn't have enough blood flow

223
00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:05,020
it might be because your brain
doesn't have one of the resources

224
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,757
that it needs to keep your prefrontal
cortex powered on.

225
00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:10,556
Because all the things that I just said
live there

226
00:12:11,007 --> 00:12:14,251
and when your brain is lacking in any
essential resource

227
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:16,543
-- blood, oxygen, rest
or caloric energy --

228
00:12:16,543 --> 00:12:20,366
it enters a low power mode, much like
what's on your phone

229
00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:22,590
or your tablet or your laptop,

230
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:25,502
and certain processes don't work as well
as they normally do.

231
00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:28,685
The first part of the brain
that takes the hit

232
00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:31,270
when we're low on resources
is the prefrontal cortex:

233
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:34,159
it's executive functioning,
it's emotion regulation

234
00:12:34,159 --> 00:12:35,750
it's social engagement.

235
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:37,960
So, if those are things
you're struggling with,

236
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,050
it's probably because your brain
doesn't have

237
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,446
all the resources it needs to
do its job properly.

238
00:12:42,446 --> 00:12:45,563
The one thing I always try to emphasize
with physical activity too

239
00:12:45,563 --> 00:12:48,900
is the way you do it
really doesn't matter:

240
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:51,199
if you want to lift weights, lift weights;

241
00:12:51,199 --> 00:12:52,359
if you want to run, run; ////

242
00:12:52,359 --> 00:12:53,600
if you want to do team sports, 
do team sports;

243
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,920
if you hate some certain type
of exercise, don't do it.

244
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,760
it's not it's not hugely critical
how you do it

245
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,120
it's just critical that you do it.

246
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,279
So find something that you
either like ideally.

247
00:13:08,279 --> 00:13:09,800
If there's nothing,
like literally nothing,

248
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,160
find the thing you hate the least.

249
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,399
It can be some weird obscure thing:

250
00:13:14,399 --> 00:13:16,720
maybe you want to get into hobby horsing,

251
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,000
and if you don't know what that is,
you should look it up on social media.

252
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,920
It's a fascinating world
if you do know what it is.

253
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,880
I appreciate the people who understand
my obscure references

254
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,600
because there are many of them.

255
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,959
Just do something to get that blood
going to your brain.

256
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,920
You might be amazed how much it helps, 
you really might be amazed.

257
00:13:35,959 --> 00:13:38,959
The sixth and final thing that you probably
-- asterisk to this one --

258
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:40,920
probably know you should be doing
but are probably having trouble doing

259
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,320
is to stop beating yourself up
about how long it is taking

260
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,560
to get your life in order.

261
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,360
Now I realize that you might
have been doing that

262
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,680
throughout this video already
because as I'm saying things

263
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,199
that you probably already knew
you should be doing,

264
00:13:58,199 --> 00:13:59,399
you might have been beating yourself up,
guilt tripping yourself, shaming yourself,

265
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,440
and if you were knock it off right now.

266
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,880
Sorry I had to say it that way,

267
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,279
but seriously you're not doing yourself
any favors.

268
00:14:09,279 --> 00:14:12,320
We all have enough pressure on us already,
probably more than enough pressure

269
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,079
probably a maladaptive amount of pressure,

270
00:14:15,079 --> 00:14:17,399
and change is hard.

271
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,480
Our brains actively resist it
because they're wired for homeostasis

272
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,880
We associate familiarity
with safety and with security

273
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,920
and on a very basic survival level,

274
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,440
we fight back against
our own attempts to change.

275
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,759
Putting too much pressure on yourself
tends to keep you stuck

276
00:14:32,759 --> 00:14:35,639
So try patience and gentleness instead
and see what happens.

277
00:14:38,279 --> 00:14:41,720
It is amazing what people can do
when they finally feel understood

278
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,040
and are treated with respect
and compassion.

279
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,440
And it is very possible that the person
most standing in your way

280
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,720
of feeling those things and
experiencing those things is you.