It's March, people, which means March Madness.
And here at The Daily Show,
we have our own bracket tournament,
which we call Third Month Mania
because our lawyers say it's generic enough to not get sued.
Uh, now, our tournament isn't about basketball.
It's about something much more important:
Donald Trump's tweets.
Insults, conspiracy theories, weird punctuation.
All right, and so this year, on ThirdMonthMania.com,
you can vote to decide
which is the single greatest Donald Trump tweet of all time.
There are some crazy ones.
For more, let's go to Roy Wood Jr. and Hasan Minhaj
to help break down the brackets.
(cheers and applause)
-Yeah! -Oh...!
Hey. Welcome to another Third Month Mania, guys.
-Yes. -Roy, this is going to be an amazing tournament.
-Oh, it sure is, Hasan. -(whoops)
What Donald Trump tweet is the greatest?
Ooh, not an easy question.
-This is a man who has tweeted nearly 35,000 times. -Mmm.
And in order to narrow it down to our 64 contenders,
we had to read through every single one of his tweets.
Sometimes I still see them when I close my eyes.
Let's talk about the four divisions this year, all right?
-Yeah, yeah. -We've got celebrity tweets,
tweets about Trump's enemies,
government affairs,
and a bunch of random (bleep) we call WTF.
Four very competitive Trump tweet regions, Hasan.
So, let's start in the celebrity region
where the number one seat
is Trump going right at his biggest foe,
-Rosie O'Donnell, baby. -Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
"Sorry, @Rosie is a mentally sick woman,
"a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser.
Other than that, she's just wonderful."
-Ooh! -(laughter)
Just an incredible flurry of insults in just 140 characters.
-I love how he tries to redeem it at the end. -Hmm.
You know, it's like my dad says.
"Hasan, you're dumb, a disappointment to our family,
"and a disgrace to everyone,
but technically, you're still my son."
(laughter)
Damn, that's cold, man.
Ah, man, for an Indian family, that's a lullaby, baby.
-(laughter) -I love you, Pop! -Ah, cool.
Well, in round one,
-that Rosie tweet is up against Miley Cyrus. -Mm.
"@Miley Cyrus is on a very triky..."
-Not "tricky." No "C." -(laughter)
"...and slippery path.
"Right now, the right moves will lead to greatness,
the wrong moves to oblivion. Guidance."
-Guidance! -(laughter)
All caps.
Wait. Is he giving the guidance? Is that how...?
No, I think
he's actually describing the concept of guidance.
Maybe he thinks you just yell out "guidance"
when someone needs help.
-Guidance! -Guidance!
-You know, it's a triky situation. -Indeed.
But I think the Rosie tweet's gonna come out on top. Yeah.
-Top seed for a good reason. -Mm-hmm.
Go to ThirdMonthMania.com now and vote.
But let's move on to the government affairs region,
where the key match-up is all about the electoral college.
-Right. -In 2012, Trump called it
"a disaster for democracy."
Okay, 2016, four years later, he says,
"The Electoral College is actually genius."
(laughter)
Oh, this is classic Trump tweeting.
Dude takes two sides on every single issue.
Knows there's a paper trail, doesn't give a (bleep).
-(laughter) -Oh, which one of these is going to win, Hasan?
You know, I don't know, man, but this time,
it's up to you guys,
and this time, the popular vote actually matters.
-Oh, satire! -(groaning, laughing)
Now, over in the WTF region is my personal favorite tweet
to go all the way.
"I would like to extend my best wishes to all,
"even the haters and losers
on this special day, September 11th."
(audience groaning)
âŞ And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air... âŞ
I mean, what can you even say here?
-Here is a man... -Mm-hmm.
...who truly understands the spirit of 9/11.
Patriotism, unity
and letting them haters know, I see your ass!
-(laughter) -I see you.
And finally, there is the enemies' region
where my money is on this classic.
"Barney Frank looked disgusting--
"nipples protruding-- in his blue shirt before Congress.
-Very, very disrespectful." -(laughter)
I don't even know what that means.
I don't know what the (bleep) it means!
I don't know. You know, it's...
A Congressman's nipples
once disrespected our feature president!
-Look at him! -Oh, Roy, come...
Roy, you can't hold a man accountable
for what his nipples do!
-(laughter) -Uh, you're right. You're right.
That's why I tape mine down before we film.
-(laughter) -Guidance! Hey!
-Guidance. -Yeah, yeah.
-(laughter) -This...
(laughter)
So now it's up to you at home to decide which tweets advance
-to the round of 32. -The first round is now open.
Go vote online at ThirdMonthMania.com
-and share your pics with your friends. -And hurry up
before Trump tweets some more crazy (bleep).