[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.24,0:00:04.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's March, people,\Nwhich means March Madness.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.60,0:00:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here at{\i1} The Daily Show,{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.94,0:00:08.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have our own\Nbracket tournament,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.02,0:00:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which we call Third Month Mania
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.98,0:00:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because our lawyers say it's\Ngeneric enough to not get sued.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.58,0:00:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, now, our tournament\Nisn't about basketball.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.95,0:00:17.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's about something\Nmuch more important:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.78,0:00:19.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Donald Trump's tweets.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.78,0:00:23.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Insults, conspiracy theories,\Nweird punctuation.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.09,0:00:26.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, and so this year,\Non ThirdMonthMania.com,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.72,0:00:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can vote to decide
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.99,0:00:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is the single greatest\NDonald Trump tweet of all time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.73,0:00:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are some crazy ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.47,0:00:38.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For more, let's go\Nto Roy Wood Jr. and Hasan Minhaj
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.10,0:00:39.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to help break down the brackets.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.74,0:00:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(cheers and applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.64,0:00:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yeah!\N-Oh...!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.28,0:00:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey. Welcome to another\NThird Month Mania, guys.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.45,0:00:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes. -Roy, this is going to be\Nan amazing tournament.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.45,0:00:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, it sure is, Hasan.\N-(whoops)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.05,0:00:56.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What Donald Trump tweet\Nis the greatest?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.22,0:00:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, not an easy question.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.62,0:01:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-This is a man who has tweeted\Nnearly 35,000 times. -Mmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.10,0:01:06.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in order to narrow it down\Nto our 64 contenders,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.53,0:01:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we had to read through\Nevery single one of his tweets.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.80,0:01:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes I still see them\Nwhen I close my eyes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.07,0:01:16.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's talk about the four\Ndivisions this year, all right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.88,0:01:19.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yeah, yeah.\N-We've got celebrity tweets,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.54,0:01:21.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tweets about Trump's enemies,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.03,0:01:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,government affairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.45,0:01:25.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a bunch of random (bleep)\Nwe call WTF.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.05,0:01:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Four very competitive\NTrump tweet regions, Hasan.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.39,0:01:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's start\Nin the celebrity region
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.10,0:01:31.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the number one seat
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.66,0:01:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is Trump\Ngoing right at his biggest foe,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.63,0:01:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Rosie O'Donnell, baby.\N-Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.23,0:01:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Sorry, @Rosie\Nis a mentally sick woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.67,0:01:44.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"a bully, a dummy\Nand, above all, a loser.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.02,0:01:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Other than that,\Nshe's just wonderful."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.20,0:01:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ooh!\N-(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.67,0:01:51.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just an incredible flurry of\Ninsults in just 140 characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.03,0:01:53.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I love how he tries\Nto redeem it at the end. -Hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.11,0:01:55.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, it's like my dad says.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.65,0:01:57.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hasan, you're dumb,\Na disappointment to our family,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.42,0:01:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"and a disgrace to everyone,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.65,0:02:00.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but technically,\Nyou're still my son."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.72,0:02:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.12,0:02:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Damn, that's cold, man.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.52,0:02:05.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, man, for an Indian family,\Nthat's a lullaby, baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.86,0:02:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter) -I love you, Pop!\N-Ah, cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.23,0:02:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, in round one,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.53,0:02:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-that Rosie tweet\Nis up against Miley Cyrus. -Mm.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.36,0:02:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"@Miley Cyrus is\Non a very triky..."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.40,0:02:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Not "tricky." No "C."\N-(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.64,0:02:19.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"...and slippery path.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.37,0:02:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Right now, the right moves\Nwill lead to greatness,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.21,0:02:24.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the wrong moves\Nto oblivion. Guidance."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.84,0:02:26.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Guidance!\N-(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.71,0:02:27.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All caps.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.10,0:02:29.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait. Is he giving the guidance?\NIs that how...?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.75,0:02:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I think
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.02,0:02:34.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's actually describing\Nthe concept of guidance.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.05,0:02:35.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe he thinks\Nyou just yell out "guidance"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.96,0:02:37.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when someone needs help.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.42,0:02:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Guidance!\N-Guidance!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.66,0:02:39.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Guidance! -Guidance!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.99,0:02:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You know,\Nit's a triky situation. -Indeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.09,0:02:44.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think the Rosie tweet's\Ngonna come out on top. Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.100,0:02:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Top seed for a good reason.\N-Mm-hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.93,0:02:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Go to ThirdMonthMania.com now\Nand vote.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.47,0:02:51.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But let's move on to the\Ngovernment affairs region,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.00,0:02:54.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the key match-up is all\Nabout the electoral college.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.61,0:02:56.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Right.\N-In 2012, Trump called it
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.24,0:02:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"a disaster for democracy."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.78,0:03:01.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, 2016, four years later,\Nhe says,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.95,0:03:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Electoral College\Nis actually genius."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.22,0:03:06.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.58,0:03:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, this is classic\NTrump tweeting.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.45,0:03:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dude takes two sides\Non every single issue.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.06,0:03:13.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Knows there's a paper trail,\Ndoesn't give a (bleep).
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.22,0:03:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter) -Oh, which one\Nof these is going to win, Hasan?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.16,0:03:18.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I don't know, man,\Nbut this time,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.46,0:03:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's up to you guys,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.13,0:03:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this time, the popular vote\Nactually matters.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.07,0:03:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, satire!\N-(groaning, laughing)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.04,0:03:27.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, over in the WTF region\Nis my personal favorite tweet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.08,0:03:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to go all the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.51,0:03:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I would like to extend\Nmy best wishes to all,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.48,0:03:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"even the haters and losers
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.51,0:03:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on this special day,\NSeptember 11th."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.52,0:03:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(audience groaning)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.55,0:03:42.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,⪠And the rockets' red glare,\Nthe bombs bursting in air... âŞ
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.69,0:03:44.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, what can you even\Nsay here?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.19,0:03:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Here is a man...\N-Mm-hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.96,0:03:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...who truly understands\Nthe spirit of 9/11.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.99,0:03:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Patriotism, unity
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.40,0:03:55.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and letting them haters know,\NI see your ass!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.17,0:03:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter)\N-I see you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.20,0:03:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally,\Nthere is the enemies' region
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.77,0:04:01.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where my money is\Non this classic.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.07,0:04:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Barney Frank looked\Ndisgusting--
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.54,0:04:06.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"nipples protruding-- in\Nhis blue shirt before Congress.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.51,0:04:09.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Very, very disrespectful."\N-(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.58,0:04:11.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even know\Nwhat that means.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.02,0:04:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know\Nwhat the (bleep) it means!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.85,0:04:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know.\NYou know, it's...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.75,0:04:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A Congressman's nipples
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.76,0:04:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once disrespected\Nour feature president!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.12,0:04:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Look at him!\N-Oh, Roy, come...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.56,0:04:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roy, you can't hold\Na man accountable
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.29,0:04:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for what his nipples do!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.43,0:04:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter)\N-Uh, you're right. You're right.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.46,0:04:27.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why I tape mine down\Nbefore we film.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.57,0:04:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter)\N-Guidance! Hey!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.37,0:04:30.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Guidance.\N-Yeah, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.97,0:04:32.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(laughter)\N-This...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.50,0:04:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.31,0:04:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now it's up to you at home\Nto decide which tweets advance
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.28,0:04:39.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-to the round of 32.\N-The first round is now open.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.78,0:04:42.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Go vote online\Nat ThirdMonthMania.com
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.92,0:04:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and share your pics\Nwith your friends. -And hurry up
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.48,0:04:48.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before Trump tweets\Nsome more crazy (bleep).