1 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,547 You know what I don't want on MTV? I'll tell you what. 2 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:50,945 Aerosmith, Vanilla Ice and Cher, ok? No Crosby, no Stills, no Nash. 3 00:00:50,945 --> 00:00:56,290 No bald guys, no fat guys, no fat bald guys. No rock stars who look like history professors, ok? 4 00:00:56,290 --> 00:01:00,186 R.E.M., no. Marky Mark, no. PM Dawn, no. 5 00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:02,496 No half hour comedy hour, no one hour comedy hour. 6 00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,202 No rock, no jock, no Ed, no Dre, no Pauly, no Joan. 7 00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:09,703 All I want is Cindy Crawford, ok? "House of Style" 24 hours a day. 8 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:13,941 No MTV news unless it's news about Cindy. What she's doing, what she's wearing, what she smells like, ok? 9 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,577 No music, unless it's songs about Cindy, ok? 10 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,437 I want half hour specials about Cindy. 11 00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:20,109 I want hour long rockumentaries about Cindy. 12 00:01:20,109 --> 00:01:22,482 I want Cindy unplugged, I want acoustic Cindy. 13 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:28,555 I want long drawn out slow-motion shots of Cindy walking, Cindy sleeping, Cindy eating an eskimo pie naked 14 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,490 on the roof of the Empire State Building, ok? 15 00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,787 I wanna change "The House of Style" to "The House of Cindy". 16 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:36,688 Not MTV - CTV. No rock, no promos, no Richard Gere. 17 00:01:36,688 --> 00:01:38,685 Just me and Cindy, ok? 18 00:01:38,685 --> 00:01:40,901 I think you hear me knocking, Richard, and I think I'm coming in. 19 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,025 And I got a box full of eskimo pies with me. 20 00:01:44,025 --> 00:01:46,940 You know something, folks? I think rock'n'roll is taking itself a little bit too seriously lately, ok? 21 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,042 They're making two hour movies based on bands. 22 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,511 They made a two hour movie about the Doors. 23 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,781 Do we need this? No, we don't. 24 00:01:51,781 --> 00:01:53,453 I can sum it up for you in five seconds: 25 00:01:53,453 --> 00:01:56,750 I'm drunk, I'm nobody, I'm drunk, I'm famous, I'm drunk, I'm dead, ok? 26 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,987 There's the whole movie: "Big fat dead guy in a bathtub", there's the title for you. 27 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:02,523 Don Henley's gonna tell me how to feel about the environment, I don't think so, ok? 28 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:05,620 I got two words for Don Henley: Joe Walsh, ok? 29 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,710 Sting, he wants to save the seals, he wants to save the rainforest. 30 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,196 How about saving your hair, ok pal? 31 00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:12,933 R.E.M.: "Shiny happy people" - hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 32 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,336 Pull that bus to the side of the pretentiousness turnpike, ok pal? 33 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:20,174 I want everybody off the bus. I want the shiny people over here, and the happy people over here, ok? 34 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,442 I represent angry, gun toting, meat eating people, pal. 35 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:26,379 I got two words for Michael Stipe: Steve Tyler, ok? 36 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:30,117 I think Mama Cass said it best when she said: 37 00:02:30,117 --> 00:02:32,119 One word: Drugs. 38 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:35,289 I grew up in the 70s. We did a lot of drugs, and listened to a lot of bad music - 39 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,546 and wore a lot of stupid clothing like bellbottoms and platform shoes. 40 00:02:38,546 --> 00:02:40,127 So you want some advice: Here it is. 41 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,143 These are your pants, these are your pants on drugs, ok? 42 00:02:43,143 --> 00:02:45,790 Five words, folks: KC and the Sunshine Band. 43 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,137 Cocaine, there's a good idea. 44 00:02:47,137 --> 00:02:49,236 I wanna do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my heart explode - 45 00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,456 makes my nose bleed, and sucks all my money out of the bank. 46 00:02:51,456 --> 00:02:54,041 Could I do that? Could I sit in a room and sweat for seven hours? 47 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,797 I wanna make this face all night: 48 00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:59,304 I wanna talk to complete idiots about nothing for hours on end - 49 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,316 with no penis and a nose bleed. Is that possible? Where do I sign up for that? 50 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,952 And when it comes to crack, I've got a little piece of advice for you, folks. 51 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,554 Never do a drug named after a part of your own ass, ok? 52 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,257 I think you hear me knocking, and I think I'm coming in. 53 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,326 I'm already in. I'm wandering around the house and you know what? 54 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,828 I found your bellbottoms.