0:00:43.844,0:00:46.547
You know what I don't want on MTV? I'll tell you what.

0:00:46.547,0:00:50.945
Aerosmith, Vanilla Ice and Cher, ok? No Crosby, no Stills, no Nash.

0:00:50.945,0:00:56.290
No bald guys, no fat guys, no fat bald guys. No rock stars who look like history professors, ok?

0:00:56.290,0:01:00.186
R.E.M., no. Marky Mark, no. PM Dawn, no.

0:01:00.186,0:01:02.496
No half hour comedy hour, no one hour comedy hour.

0:01:02.496,0:01:05.202
No rock, no jock, no Ed, no Dre, no Pauly, no Joan.

0:01:05.202,0:01:09.703
All I want is Cindy Crawford, ok? "House of Style" 24 hours a day.

0:01:09.703,0:01:13.941
No MTV news unless it's news about Cindy. What she's doing, what she's wearing, what she smells like, ok?

0:01:14.941,0:01:16.577
No music, unless it's songs about Cindy, ok?

0:01:16.577,0:01:18.437
I want half hour specials about Cindy.

0:01:18.437,0:01:20.109
I want hour long rockumentaries about Cindy.

0:01:20.109,0:01:22.482
I want Cindy unplugged, I want acoustic Cindy.

0:01:22.482,0:01:28.555
I want long drawn out slow-motion shots of Cindy walking, Cindy sleeping, Cindy eating an eskimo pie naked

0:01:28.555,0:01:30.490
on the roof of the Empire State Building, ok?

0:01:30.490,0:01:32.787
I wanna change "The House of Style" to "The House of Cindy".

0:01:32.787,0:01:36.688
Not MTV - CTV. No rock, no promos, no Richard Gere.

0:01:36.688,0:01:38.685
Just me and Cindy, ok?

0:01:38.685,0:01:40.901
I think you hear me knocking, Richard, and I think I'm coming in.

0:01:40.901,0:01:44.025
And I got a box full of eskimo pies with me.

0:01:44.025,0:01:46.940
You know something, folks? I think rock'n'roll is taking itself a little bit too seriously lately, ok?

0:01:46.940,0:01:49.042
They're making two hour movies based on bands.

0:01:49.042,0:01:50.511
They made a two hour movie about the Doors.

0:01:50.511,0:01:51.781
Do we need this? No, we don't.

0:01:51.781,0:01:53.453
I can sum it up for you in five seconds:

0:01:53.453,0:01:56.750
I'm drunk, I'm nobody, I'm drunk, I'm famous, I'm drunk, I'm dead, ok?

0:01:56.750,0:01:59.987
There's the whole movie: "Big fat dead guy in a bathtub", there's the title for you.

0:01:59.987,0:02:02.523
Don Henley's gonna tell me how to feel about the environment, I don't think so, ok?

0:02:02.523,0:02:05.620
I got two words for Don Henley: Joe Walsh, ok?

0:02:05.620,0:02:07.710
Sting, he wants to save the seals, he wants to save the rainforest.

0:02:07.710,0:02:09.196
How about saving your hair, ok pal?

0:02:09.196,0:02:12.933
R.E.M.: "Shiny happy people" - hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

0:02:12.933,0:02:16.336
Pull that bus to the side of the pretentiousness turnpike, ok pal?

0:02:16.336,0:02:20.174
I want everybody off the bus. I want the shiny people over here, and the happy people over here, ok?

0:02:20.174,0:02:22.442
I represent angry, gun toting, meat eating people, pal.

0:02:22.442,0:02:26.379
I got two words for Michael Stipe: Steve Tyler, ok?

0:02:26.379,0:02:30.117
I think Mama Cass said it best when she said:

0:02:30.117,0:02:32.119
One word: Drugs.

0:02:32.119,0:02:35.289
I grew up in the 70s. We did a lot of drugs, and listened to a lot of bad music -

0:02:35.289,0:02:38.546
and wore a lot of stupid clothing like bellbottoms and platform shoes.

0:02:38.546,0:02:40.127
So you want some advice: Here it is.

0:02:40.127,0:02:43.143
These are your pants, these are your pants on drugs, ok?

0:02:43.143,0:02:45.790
Five words, folks: KC and the Sunshine Band.

0:02:45.790,0:02:47.137
Cocaine, there's a good idea.

0:02:47.137,0:02:49.236
I wanna do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my heart explode -

0:02:49.236,0:02:51.456
makes my nose bleed, and sucks all my money out of the bank.

0:02:51.456,0:02:54.041
Could I do that? Could I sit in a room and sweat for seven hours?

0:02:54.041,0:02:56.797
I wanna make this face all night:

0:02:56.797,0:02:59.304
I wanna talk to complete idiots about nothing for hours on end -

0:02:59.304,0:03:02.316
with no penis and a nose bleed. Is that possible? Where do I sign up for that?

0:03:02.316,0:03:04.952
And when it comes to crack, I've got a little piece of advice for you, folks.

0:03:04.952,0:03:07.554
Never do a drug named after a part of your own ass, ok?

0:03:07.554,0:03:10.257
I think you hear me knocking, and I think I'm coming in.

0:03:10.257,0:03:12.326
I'm already in. I'm wandering around the house and you know what?

0:03:12.326,0:03:14.828
I found your bellbottoms.