WEBVTT 00:00:22.036 --> 00:00:24.831 I've been feeling a little nostalgic lately. 00:00:24.831 --> 00:00:28.109 These past few days, I've been reminiscing about my time as an intern, 00:00:28.109 --> 00:00:29.818 how different the pace was then. 00:00:29.818 --> 00:00:33.811 I remember I would arrive at the office, press the button on the computer, 00:00:33.811 --> 00:00:36.357 and it would take a while to turn on. 00:00:36.357 --> 00:00:39.147 And I still had to connect to the internet. 00:00:39.147 --> 00:00:44.524 I worked in the communications department and dealt with large image files, 00:00:44.524 --> 00:00:48.208 and every time I had to save an image, 00:00:48.208 --> 00:00:52.356 I'd get up and get a cup of coffee or chat to people, 00:00:52.762 --> 00:00:54.322 because it took so long. 00:00:54.957 --> 00:00:58.867 Then, suddenly, everything changed. 00:00:58.867 --> 00:01:04.137 The world became fast-paced, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. 00:01:04.137 --> 00:01:05.605 The demands increased, 00:01:05.605 --> 00:01:10.566 and with them, the need to do things faster and faster. 00:01:10.566 --> 00:01:13.404 And I tried to keep up with the pace. 00:01:13.404 --> 00:01:18.210 The only thing I didn't expect was I would be forced to take a pause, 00:01:18.210 --> 00:01:20.216 against my will. 00:01:20.216 --> 00:01:22.899 I was in a rising career abroad 00:01:22.899 --> 00:01:26.596 when I was caught off-guard by an unexpected psychiatric diagnosis. 00:01:26.596 --> 00:01:28.983 In March of 2005, 00:01:28.983 --> 00:01:34.142 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features. 00:01:34.142 --> 00:01:38.567 At first, the situation didn't look good; the outlook even less. 00:01:38.567 --> 00:01:40.152 I even had a doctor 00:01:40.152 --> 00:01:42.604 who said that I should retire and go on disability. 00:01:43.051 --> 00:01:48.043 Imagine this: I was in my early 30s with so much life ahead of me 00:01:48.699 --> 00:01:52.223 when my life came to a sudden halt. 00:01:52.223 --> 00:01:53.991 In the case of bipolar disorder, 00:01:53.991 --> 00:01:56.712 I have two distinctive behavior states: 00:01:56.712 --> 00:01:59.264 one is depression, and the other is euphoria, 00:01:59.264 --> 00:02:01.817 which was previously called mania. 00:02:02.398 --> 00:02:05.819 The euphoric phase was an energy unlike anything I'd ever experienced. 00:02:05.819 --> 00:02:08.048 I remember going to the office 00:02:08.048 --> 00:02:11.551 and working late into the night, only to come home and continue working 00:02:11.551 --> 00:02:14.492 as if it were the most normal thing in the world. 00:02:14.492 --> 00:02:18.098 That was until my boss said to me, "Dyene, slow down, 00:02:18.098 --> 00:02:21.914 the other departments can't keep up with your demands." 00:02:21.914 --> 00:02:26.019 Then I started to get worse, and I couldn't see things properly. 00:02:26.328 --> 00:02:30.291 It was like I had stuck my face out the window of a fast-moving car, 00:02:30.291 --> 00:02:32.886 and I couldn't distinguish the objects properly. 00:02:32.886 --> 00:02:37.078 I once looked at the fridge and saw moving shapes and colors. 00:02:37.078 --> 00:02:41.185 I still occasionally look at the fridge to make sure it's still in its place. 00:02:41.568 --> 00:02:43.789 At times, it affected my hearing too. 00:02:43.789 --> 00:02:46.678 I'd hear things that no one else could hear, 00:02:46.678 --> 00:02:51.558 like a basketball bouncing incessantly next to me. 00:02:52.136 --> 00:02:56.843 My biggest fear at that time was that I would gradually go crazy, 00:02:56.843 --> 00:02:59.498 until I was no longer myself at all. 00:02:59.498 --> 00:03:03.217 And after all this euphoric energy, 00:03:03.217 --> 00:03:06.441 I would fall into an overwhelming depression. 00:03:06.441 --> 00:03:10.116 That phase was very difficult. I felt like an invalid. 00:03:10.116 --> 00:03:13.729 I would cry all day for no apparent reason. 00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:17.964 I remember once we threw a birthday party for my husband, 00:03:17.964 --> 00:03:20.296 and I couldn't get out of bed. 00:03:20.296 --> 00:03:23.601 I remember that I prayed, begged, and bargained, 00:03:23.601 --> 00:03:25.671 but my body wouldn't respond. 00:03:25.671 --> 00:03:27.333 That was very strange 00:03:27.333 --> 00:03:30.779 because I have always been an extremely sociable person, 00:03:30.779 --> 00:03:36.400 and acting that way was very unlike me. 00:03:37.015 --> 00:03:41.613 At times like this, I'd feel really guilty 00:03:41.613 --> 00:03:44.605 for not being able to do things so easily. 00:03:45.170 --> 00:03:46.870 And along with the guilt, 00:03:46.870 --> 00:03:52.005 there was shame, sadness, and tremendous agony. 00:03:52.616 --> 00:03:55.890 And that agony continued to escalate 00:03:56.453 --> 00:04:00.797 until I wanted to sleep and never wake up again. 00:04:00.797 --> 00:04:03.616 I even started planning my "disappearance" - 00:04:03.616 --> 00:04:05.370 if you know what I mean. 00:04:05.370 --> 00:04:07.357 When I told this to my therapist, 00:04:07.357 --> 00:04:09.770 she said, "Dyene, this is very dangerous. 00:04:09.770 --> 00:04:11.947 You're having suicidal thoughts." 00:04:11.947 --> 00:04:13.684 And that word I know well 00:04:13.684 --> 00:04:17.574 because my grandmother committed suicide at the age of 56. 00:04:17.574 --> 00:04:20.309 She had also suffered from bipolar disorder. 00:04:20.309 --> 00:04:24.633 So my therapist suggested that I go to a psychiatric hospital. 00:04:24.633 --> 00:04:28.441 The term "psychiatric hospital" is enough to scare anyone. 00:04:28.441 --> 00:04:31.504 But what scares me the most 00:04:31.504 --> 00:04:34.455 is the stigma, the prejudice, 00:04:34.455 --> 00:04:38.797 because that's what prevents people from seeking appropriate treatment. 00:04:39.306 --> 00:04:40.677 I went to the hospital 00:04:40.677 --> 00:04:44.280 where I had people assessing me 24 hours a day: 00:04:44.280 --> 00:04:47.374 professionals, competent doctors. 00:04:47.374 --> 00:04:49.807 This really helped my recovery. 00:04:49.807 --> 00:04:53.647 When I left the hospital, I think what helped me the most 00:04:53.647 --> 00:04:57.827 was being able to count on the support and unconditional love of my family. 00:04:58.307 --> 00:05:01.894 I remember once, at the hospital, I told my husband, 00:05:01.894 --> 00:05:05.936 "Darling, if you want to divorce me, I'll understand. 00:05:05.936 --> 00:05:09.240 I have nothing to offer you right now." 00:05:09.240 --> 00:05:12.729 And he said to me, "You're crazy if you think I'll divorce you!" 00:05:12.729 --> 00:05:13.999 To which I replied, 00:05:13.999 --> 00:05:17.070 "Well, the fact that I'm crazy has been proven - 00:05:17.070 --> 00:05:19.741 we're in a psychiatric hospital!" 00:05:19.741 --> 00:05:24.112 And as time passed, my desire to improve continued, 00:05:24.112 --> 00:05:27.487 and I started to visualize my recovery, 00:05:27.487 --> 00:05:29.891 which was nothing more than an optimistic view 00:05:29.891 --> 00:05:31.442 of who I wanted to be. 00:05:31.442 --> 00:05:36.768 I imagined myself studying, working, doing the things I've always enjoyed. 00:05:36.768 --> 00:05:40.498 And I remember it was January of 2007 00:05:40.498 --> 00:05:42.686 that I decided to make a New Year's resolution. 00:05:42.686 --> 00:05:46.658 I wrote down on paper that I would make the impossible possible - 00:05:46.658 --> 00:05:52.864 I would commit myself to overcoming this disorder. 00:05:53.404 --> 00:05:57.702 At that time, I had started reading all of the books on bipolar disorder. 00:05:57.702 --> 00:05:59.539 I read all the biographies. 00:05:59.539 --> 00:06:03.627 And what I learned during that time is that the pauses aren't permanent. 00:06:03.627 --> 00:06:06.282 In fact, pauses are an excellent opportunity 00:06:06.282 --> 00:06:11.738 to discover a reservoir of potential that we don't even know we have. 00:06:12.242 --> 00:06:13.397 And in some ways, 00:06:13.397 --> 00:06:18.537 I think we're all experiencing an imposed pause because of COVID-19. 00:06:18.537 --> 00:06:20.888 It's a very painful time. 00:06:20.888 --> 00:06:23.009 But I think if we pay attention, 00:06:23.009 --> 00:06:26.294 we'll be able to draw very rich lessons from it 00:06:26.294 --> 00:06:28.035 in this very difficult moment. 00:06:28.035 --> 00:06:30.188 Deep down, everything starts from within us. 00:06:30.188 --> 00:06:32.709 It's not external factors that generate stress 00:06:32.709 --> 00:06:35.404 but how we deal with these external factors. 00:06:35.404 --> 00:06:37.366 I pay a lot of attention to my stress 00:06:37.366 --> 00:06:40.004 because it can be a trigger for my bipolar symptoms. 00:06:40.004 --> 00:06:43.192 And depression and bipolar disorder are very serious illnesses. 00:06:43.192 --> 00:06:44.562 According to WHO, 00:06:44.562 --> 00:06:47.712 depression is the biggest cause of disability in the world, 00:06:47.712 --> 00:06:50.014 and Oxford researchers have found 00:06:50.014 --> 00:06:52.317 that life expectancy is 9 to 20 years shorter 00:06:52.317 --> 00:06:55.895 for those with bipolar disorder. 00:06:55.895 --> 00:06:59.923 And I always ask myself, "How I can stay out of those statistics?" 00:07:00.583 --> 00:07:05.279 The first thing is knowing that I'm not cured but stabilized. 00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:09.786 This makes adherence to my treatment even greater. 00:07:09.786 --> 00:07:13.072 And I also think it has a lot to do with personal responsibility, 00:07:13.072 --> 00:07:16.728 which is my own commitment to my mental health 00:07:16.728 --> 00:07:20.687 in adopting long-term healthy habits. 00:07:20.687 --> 00:07:23.486 It may seem strange for someone who has a mental disorder 00:07:23.486 --> 00:07:26.975 to come here and talk to you about balance and healthy living, 00:07:26.975 --> 00:07:28.882 but it makes all the sense in the world. 00:07:28.882 --> 00:07:31.405 Maintaining my mental health is not an option for me - 00:07:31.405 --> 00:07:33.077 it's a matter of life and death. 00:07:33.077 --> 00:07:34.594 If I don't take care of myself, 00:07:34.594 --> 00:07:39.965 my probability of committing suicide increases exponentially. 00:07:40.336 --> 00:07:41.863 That's why I came here today 00:07:41.863 --> 00:07:45.342 to share the five steps I take to complement my treatment. 00:07:45.342 --> 00:07:47.080 I'll give you an example. 00:07:47.080 --> 00:07:51.551 Remember I said that when I was euphoric my thoughts were extremely fast? 00:07:52.532 --> 00:07:54.346 This happened a lot. 00:07:54.346 --> 00:07:57.780 I think that our habit of staying constantly busy 00:07:57.780 --> 00:07:59.875 is an addictive adrenaline rush. 00:07:59.875 --> 00:08:02.259 Then, at the end of the day, we think to ourselves, 00:08:02.259 --> 00:08:04.146 "Wow, I've worked so hard, 00:08:04.146 --> 00:08:06.526 but I feel like I've accomplished nothing." 00:08:06.976 --> 00:08:11.787 Stanford researchers found that, when we multitask, 00:08:11.787 --> 00:08:15.826 our efficiency and productivity drop. 00:08:15.826 --> 00:08:18.496 Our brain is a lot like a computer. 00:08:18.496 --> 00:08:21.620 You know when you leave all the tabs open on a computer? 00:08:21.620 --> 00:08:23.424 Our brains are the same. 00:08:23.424 --> 00:08:26.010 And deep down, our conscious attention 00:08:26.010 --> 00:08:28.637 is one of the most precious resources we have. 00:08:29.359 --> 00:08:30.563 Back in 2007, 00:08:30.563 --> 00:08:34.152 when I promised myself I would take care of my mental health, 00:08:34.152 --> 00:08:36.761 the first thing I looked into was meditation. 00:08:36.761 --> 00:08:38.129 And then I tried it. 00:08:38.129 --> 00:08:39.585 I was living in Houston then, 00:08:39.585 --> 00:08:42.255 and I went to a Buddhist temple to learn how to meditate. 00:08:42.255 --> 00:08:46.427 I confess that I was a real disaster. 00:08:46.427 --> 00:08:49.168 You know that concept of clearing the mind, 00:08:49.168 --> 00:08:52.253 focusing on breathing, and not thinking about anything? 00:08:52.253 --> 00:08:54.140 That wasn't for me. 00:08:54.140 --> 00:08:56.310 Then I went to the monk and said, 00:08:56.310 --> 00:08:59.799 "Look, I understand the importance of meditation, 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:03.359 but I don't think I have the cognitive capacity for it." 00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:05.815 And he said to me, with all the tranquility 00:09:05.815 --> 00:09:07.365 that only a monk could possess, 00:09:07.365 --> 00:09:10.474 "Dyene, meditation isn't something we do - 00:09:10.474 --> 00:09:13.175 it's something we practice." 00:09:13.655 --> 00:09:16.765 And he had a point. So I decided to practice. 00:09:17.020 --> 00:09:19.715 To this day, I've noticed that when I don't meditate, 00:09:19.715 --> 00:09:21.433 I don't sleep so well, 00:09:21.433 --> 00:09:24.789 my ability to focus and concentrate decreases, 00:09:24.789 --> 00:09:26.585 and my anxiety increases. 00:09:27.386 --> 00:09:31.201 And this lack of focus and clarity that I had 00:09:31.201 --> 00:09:35.107 improved with meditation, but they weren't my only symptoms. 00:09:35.107 --> 00:09:40.370 Another very evident symptom I had was my need for isolation. 00:09:40.950 --> 00:09:42.922 I think this is understandable. 00:09:42.922 --> 00:09:45.309 People who have depression know it's an anguish, 00:09:45.309 --> 00:09:48.577 a desperation to get away from others. 00:09:48.577 --> 00:09:51.547 You don't want anyone to see you in that state. 00:09:51.547 --> 00:09:53.655 So you distance yourself. 00:09:53.655 --> 00:09:58.758 However, the more difficult our lives get, the more we need each other. 00:09:59.178 --> 00:10:02.598 I once heard that monsters exist in the dark, 00:10:02.598 --> 00:10:06.792 but when you turn on the light, you can see they don't exist. 00:10:06.792 --> 00:10:11.434 Sometimes you don't have the will to get up and turn on the switch. 00:10:11.434 --> 00:10:14.087 And that's when you need a helping hand. 00:10:14.297 --> 00:10:20.187 When I decided I was going to get better, I started investing in my relationships - 00:10:20.313 --> 00:10:22.385 that was my second step. 00:10:22.385 --> 00:10:25.788 So I set up a group of family and friends 00:10:25.788 --> 00:10:29.513 and even attended several support groups, 00:10:29.513 --> 00:10:31.718 which was very important for me. 00:10:32.847 --> 00:10:35.957 And today I see that isolation reigns. 00:10:36.590 --> 00:10:40.931 We have so much technology to bring us together, 00:10:40.931 --> 00:10:46.509 but it's increasingly difficult for us to form genuine, lasting relationships. 00:10:47.557 --> 00:10:51.147 And perhaps it's even more difficult for us to coexist with people 00:10:51.147 --> 00:10:53.383 who think differently from us. 00:10:53.383 --> 00:10:56.154 And what we should strive to do 00:10:56.354 --> 00:11:02.593 is build more and more inclusive, diverse relationships 00:11:03.267 --> 00:11:06.999 because the more inclusive and diverse we are, 00:11:06.999 --> 00:11:10.201 the greater the possibility for us to find solutions 00:11:10.201 --> 00:11:13.583 to the most complex problems that humanity offers. 00:11:13.583 --> 00:11:16.988 It'll be collaboration mediated by technology 00:11:16.988 --> 00:11:21.268 that will allow us to reach the highest innovation rates. 00:11:22.179 --> 00:11:24.740 And this technology comes with some challenges - 00:11:24.740 --> 00:11:26.197 for me at least. 00:11:26.197 --> 00:11:29.042 One of them is digital overload, 00:11:29.042 --> 00:11:32.559 which is understandable considering we're in front of screens all day - 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:36.724 computer screens, televisions, and cell phones. 00:11:36.964 --> 00:11:39.804 University of Chicago intellectuals 00:11:39.804 --> 00:11:41.160 have even said 00:11:41.160 --> 00:11:44.786 that social media is more addictive than alcohol and cigarettes. 00:11:45.308 --> 00:11:49.674 So to help me balance out this digital overload, 00:11:49.674 --> 00:11:52.045 I prioritized sleep in my life. 00:11:52.045 --> 00:11:55.518 If when I was depressed I'd sleep 18 hours a day. 00:11:55.518 --> 00:11:57.953 and when I was euphoric I wouldn't sleep at all - 00:11:57.953 --> 00:12:01.411 today, I know that seven to eight hours is my ideal. 00:12:01.411 --> 00:12:06.402 Restorative sleep enhances our ability to learn and memorize 00:12:06.402 --> 00:12:08.640 and also decreases the risks 00:12:08.640 --> 00:12:13.162 of developing some types of cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases. 00:12:13.698 --> 00:12:15.391 I remember when I was younger, 00:12:15.391 --> 00:12:18.113 I used to think it was great to pull all-nighters working. 00:12:18.113 --> 00:12:21.506 Today, I know how harmful this was to my health. 00:12:22.139 --> 00:12:24.778 Improving my sleeping habits was the third thing I did 00:12:24.778 --> 00:12:26.902 to improve my mental health. 00:12:26.902 --> 00:12:29.119 The fourth was exercise. 00:12:29.119 --> 00:12:32.681 I always used lack of time as an excuse, 00:12:32.681 --> 00:12:36.701 until a friend of mine said, "Dyene, a day has 1440 minutes. 00:12:36.701 --> 00:12:41.997 If you can't find 30 to exercise, then you're doing something wrong." 00:12:42.462 --> 00:12:44.107 And he was right. 00:12:44.107 --> 00:12:47.543 So I started to see exercise as a medical prescription, 00:12:47.543 --> 00:12:52.253 as something that would help me fight my comorbidities. 00:12:53.012 --> 00:12:55.534 And when I started to see exercise that way, 00:12:55.534 --> 00:13:00.461 it became much easier to overcome procrastination and get off the couch. 00:13:00.824 --> 00:13:06.216 I think procrastination is something we're all somewhat familiar with. 00:13:06.467 --> 00:13:10.139 Sometimes it's so difficult to get our dreams off the ground 00:13:10.139 --> 00:13:12.260 because we're so afraid of making mistakes. 00:13:12.260 --> 00:13:13.890 I once heard 00:13:13.890 --> 00:13:16.990 that somewhere in the world there's the Museum of Procrastination. 00:13:16.990 --> 00:13:20.360 There, you can find that incredible book that was never written, 00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:23.336 that brilliant canvas that was never painted, 00:13:23.336 --> 00:13:27.262 and that brilliant innovation that was never patented. 00:13:27.414 --> 00:13:31.725 We have to remember something: life is very different from school. 00:13:31.725 --> 00:13:34.490 At school, first we have the lesson - 00:13:38.286 --> 00:13:41.108 first we have the lesson and then we have the test. 00:13:41.108 --> 00:13:45.681 In life, first we have the test, and then we have the lesson. 00:13:45.681 --> 00:13:50.823 And to counteract this procrastination imposed by my illness, 00:13:50.823 --> 00:13:52.898 I needed a lot of discipline 00:13:52.898 --> 00:13:55.530 to do the four steps I told you about today: 00:13:55.530 --> 00:13:59.703 improve my sleep, exercise, meditate, 00:13:59.703 --> 00:14:02.937 and seek healthy relationships. 00:14:03.443 --> 00:14:06.848 And it was with this discipline that I kept moving forward. 00:14:06.848 --> 00:14:10.387 I had to pause; I even took a step back. 00:14:10.387 --> 00:14:12.039 But I continued. 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:15.148 Today, I can say that bipolar disorder has transformed me. 00:14:15.917 --> 00:14:17.519 I don't complain about my job 00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:20.003 because I know what it's like to be incapacitated. 00:14:20.003 --> 00:14:23.825 I know that unforeseen events happen to anyone 00:14:23.825 --> 00:14:27.217 and that the sense of control I thought I had 00:14:27.217 --> 00:14:28.934 was a mere illusion. 00:14:28.934 --> 00:14:31.072 I also recognize the privileges I had - 00:14:31.072 --> 00:14:33.792 one of which was access to quality healthcare. 00:14:33.792 --> 00:14:35.510 And my most sincere wish 00:14:35.510 --> 00:14:38.283 is that everyone who suffers from a mental disorder 00:14:38.283 --> 00:14:41.382 can have accessibility to the same opportunities I had. 00:14:41.671 --> 00:14:43.141 Today, I do what I like doing. 00:14:43.141 --> 00:14:44.993 I'm a marketing global director 00:14:44.993 --> 00:14:47.237 at an intelligence and information company, 00:14:47.237 --> 00:14:51.968 and I've told my story through a book called "Vencendo a Mente." 00:14:51.968 --> 00:14:55.541 I deliberately used a gerund in the title, "Conquering the Mind" in English, 00:14:55.541 --> 00:14:58.168 because the work never ends. 00:14:58.602 --> 00:15:03.291 Telling my story so openly was a real challenge. 00:15:03.756 --> 00:15:07.297 I was very afraid of being ridiculed, 00:15:07.297 --> 00:15:10.602 stigmatized, or even excluded. 00:15:10.602 --> 00:15:12.206 But that didn't happen. 00:15:12.206 --> 00:15:14.385 I was treated with a great deal of kindness. 00:15:14.385 --> 00:15:17.640 When the time came for the book release, I had to tell my boss, 00:15:17.640 --> 00:15:20.018 and I thought I was going to get fired, 00:15:20.018 --> 00:15:22.603 or that my career would end at that moment. 00:15:22.603 --> 00:15:24.576 And he surprised me when he said, 00:15:24.576 --> 00:15:28.881 "Dyene, courage, authenticity, and vulnerability 00:15:28.881 --> 00:15:31.453 are characteristics of true leaders." 00:15:31.453 --> 00:15:34.291 Hearing that was very important for me to move forward. 00:15:34.291 --> 00:15:38.883 For a while, I had considered publishing the book anonymously, 00:15:38.883 --> 00:15:41.354 but then I would miss an excellent opportunity 00:15:41.354 --> 00:15:45.967 to show people that it's possible to live with a mental disorder, 00:15:45.967 --> 00:15:47.781 to live a full life, 00:15:47.781 --> 00:15:52.433 and also to reinforce the importance of the treatment that makes this possible. 00:15:52.433 --> 00:15:58.445 In the end, it was through healthy habits, self-awareness, and discipline 00:15:58.445 --> 00:16:01.786 that I managed to turn the tables and resume my momentum - 00:16:01.786 --> 00:16:05.528 not forgetting the importance of pausing, whether it be deliberate or not. 00:16:05.810 --> 00:16:07.129 It was through pausing 00:16:07.129 --> 00:16:09.878 that I was able to connect with who I really was 00:16:09.878 --> 00:16:12.840 and tell own my story. 00:16:13.471 --> 00:16:17.284 A wise man once said, "Change, but start slowly 00:16:17.284 --> 00:16:21.685 because direction is more important than speed." 00:16:21.685 --> 00:16:24.237 So start where you are, 00:16:24.237 --> 00:16:26.042 go at your own pace, 00:16:26.042 --> 00:16:30.113 and never give up until you find your point of equilibrium. 00:16:30.113 --> 00:16:31.674 Thank you. 00:16:31.674 --> 00:16:34.659 (Applause)