0:00:22.036,0:00:24.831 I've been feeling[br]a little nostalgic lately. 0:00:24.831,0:00:28.109 These past few days, I've been reminiscing[br]about my time as an intern, 0:00:28.109,0:00:29.818 how different the pace was then. 0:00:29.818,0:00:33.811 I remember I would arrive at the office,[br]press the button on the computer, 0:00:33.811,0:00:36.357 and it would take a while to turn on. 0:00:36.357,0:00:39.147 And I still had to connect[br]to the internet. 0:00:39.147,0:00:44.524 I worked in the communications department[br]and dealt with large image files, 0:00:44.524,0:00:48.208 and every time I had to save an image, 0:00:48.208,0:00:52.356 I'd get up and get a cup of coffee[br]or chat to people, 0:00:52.762,0:00:54.322 because it took so long. 0:00:54.957,0:00:58.867 Then, suddenly, everything changed. 0:00:58.867,0:01:04.137 The world became fast-paced,[br]uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. 0:01:04.137,0:01:05.605 The demands increased, 0:01:05.605,0:01:10.566 and with them, the need[br]to do things faster and faster. 0:01:10.566,0:01:13.404 And I tried to keep up with the pace. 0:01:13.404,0:01:18.210 The only thing I didn't expect[br]was I would be forced to take a pause, 0:01:18.210,0:01:20.216 against my will. 0:01:20.216,0:01:22.899 I was in a rising career abroad 0:01:22.899,0:01:26.596 when I was caught off-guard[br]by an unexpected psychiatric diagnosis. 0:01:26.596,0:01:28.983 In March of 2005, 0:01:28.983,0:01:34.142 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder[br]with psychotic features. 0:01:34.142,0:01:38.567 At first, the situation didn't look good;[br]the outlook even less. 0:01:38.567,0:01:40.152 I even had a doctor 0:01:40.152,0:01:42.604 who said that I should retire[br]and go on disability. 0:01:43.051,0:01:48.043 Imagine this: I was in my early 30s[br]with so much life ahead of me 0:01:48.699,0:01:52.223 when my life came to a sudden halt. 0:01:52.223,0:01:53.991 In the case of bipolar disorder, 0:01:53.991,0:01:56.712 I have two distinctive behavior states: 0:01:56.712,0:01:59.264 one is depression,[br]and the other is euphoria, 0:01:59.264,0:02:01.817 which was previously called mania. 0:02:02.398,0:02:05.819 The euphoric phase was an energy[br]unlike anything I'd ever experienced. 0:02:05.819,0:02:08.048 I remember going to the office 0:02:08.048,0:02:11.551 and working late into the night,[br]only to come home and continue working 0:02:11.551,0:02:14.492 as if it were the most[br]normal thing in the world. 0:02:14.492,0:02:18.098 That was until my boss[br]said to me, "Dyene, slow down, 0:02:18.098,0:02:21.914 the other departments[br]can't keep up with your demands." 0:02:21.914,0:02:26.019 Then I started to get worse,[br]and I couldn't see things properly. 0:02:26.328,0:02:30.291 It was like I had stuck my face[br]out the window of a fast-moving car, 0:02:30.291,0:02:32.886 and I couldn't distinguish[br]the objects properly. 0:02:32.886,0:02:37.078 I once looked at the fridge[br]and saw moving shapes and colors. 0:02:37.078,0:02:41.185 I still occasionally look at the fridge[br]to make sure it's still in its place. 0:02:41.568,0:02:43.789 At times, it affected my hearing too. 0:02:43.789,0:02:46.678 I'd hear things[br]that no one else could hear, 0:02:46.678,0:02:51.558 like a basketball[br]bouncing incessantly next to me. 0:02:52.136,0:02:56.843 My biggest fear at that time[br]was that I would gradually go crazy, 0:02:56.843,0:02:59.498 until I was no longer myself at all. 0:02:59.498,0:03:03.217 And after all this euphoric energy, 0:03:03.217,0:03:06.441 I would fall into[br]an overwhelming depression. 0:03:06.441,0:03:10.116 That phase was very difficult.[br]I felt like an invalid. 0:03:10.116,0:03:13.729 I would cry all day[br]for no apparent reason. 0:03:14.240,0:03:17.964 I remember once we threw[br]a birthday party for my husband, 0:03:17.964,0:03:20.296 and I couldn't get out of bed. 0:03:20.296,0:03:23.601 I remember that I prayed,[br]begged, and bargained, 0:03:23.601,0:03:25.671 but my body wouldn't respond. 0:03:25.671,0:03:27.333 That was very strange 0:03:27.333,0:03:30.779 because I have always been[br]an extremely sociable person, 0:03:30.779,0:03:36.400 and acting that way was very unlike me. 0:03:37.015,0:03:41.613 At times like this, I'd feel really guilty 0:03:41.613,0:03:44.605 for not being able to do things so easily. 0:03:45.170,0:03:46.870 And along with the guilt, 0:03:46.870,0:03:52.005 there was shame, sadness,[br]and tremendous agony. 0:03:52.616,0:03:55.890 And that agony continued to escalate 0:03:56.453,0:04:00.797 until I wanted to sleep[br]and never wake up again. 0:04:00.797,0:04:03.616 I even started planning[br]my "disappearance" - 0:04:03.616,0:04:05.370 if you know what I mean. 0:04:05.370,0:04:07.357 When I told this to my therapist, 0:04:07.357,0:04:09.770 she said, "Dyene, this is very dangerous. 0:04:09.770,0:04:11.947 You're having suicidal thoughts." 0:04:11.947,0:04:13.684 And that word I know well 0:04:13.684,0:04:17.574 because my grandmother[br]committed suicide at the age of 56. 0:04:17.574,0:04:20.309 She had also suffered[br]from bipolar disorder. 0:04:20.309,0:04:24.633 So my therapist suggested[br]that I go to a psychiatric hospital. 0:04:24.633,0:04:28.441 The term "psychiatric hospital" [br]is enough to scare anyone. 0:04:28.441,0:04:31.504 But what scares me the most 0:04:31.504,0:04:34.455 is the stigma, the prejudice, 0:04:34.455,0:04:38.797 because that's what prevents people[br]from seeking appropriate treatment. 0:04:39.306,0:04:40.677 I went to the hospital 0:04:40.677,0:04:44.280 where I had people[br]assessing me 24 hours a day: 0:04:44.280,0:04:47.374 professionals, competent doctors. 0:04:47.374,0:04:49.807 This really helped my recovery. 0:04:49.807,0:04:53.647 When I left the hospital,[br]I think what helped me the most 0:04:53.647,0:04:57.827 was being able to count on the support[br]and unconditional love of my family. 0:04:58.307,0:05:01.894 I remember once, at the hospital,[br]I told my husband, 0:05:01.894,0:05:05.936 "Darling, if you want[br]to divorce me, I'll understand. 0:05:05.936,0:05:09.240 I have nothing to offer you right now." 0:05:09.240,0:05:12.729 And he said to me, "You're crazy[br]if you think I'll divorce you!" 0:05:12.729,0:05:13.999 To which I replied, 0:05:13.999,0:05:17.070 "Well, the fact that I'm crazy[br]has been proven - 0:05:17.070,0:05:19.741 we're in a psychiatric hospital!" 0:05:19.741,0:05:24.112 And as time passed,[br]my desire to improve continued, 0:05:24.112,0:05:27.487 and I started to visualize my recovery, 0:05:27.487,0:05:29.891 which was nothing more[br]than an optimistic view 0:05:29.891,0:05:31.442 of who I wanted to be. 0:05:31.442,0:05:36.768 I imagined myself studying, working,[br]doing the things I've always enjoyed. 0:05:36.768,0:05:40.498 And I remember it was January of 2007 0:05:40.498,0:05:42.686 that I decided to make[br]a New Year's resolution. 0:05:42.686,0:05:46.658 I wrote down on paper that I would make[br]the impossible possible - 0:05:46.658,0:05:52.864 I would commit myself[br]to overcoming this disorder. 0:05:53.404,0:05:57.702 At that time, I had started reading[br]all of the books on bipolar disorder. 0:05:57.702,0:05:59.539 I read all the biographies. 0:05:59.539,0:06:03.627 And what I learned during that time[br]is that the pauses aren't permanent. 0:06:03.627,0:06:06.282 In fact, pauses are[br]an excellent opportunity 0:06:06.282,0:06:11.738 to discover a reservoir of potential[br]that we don't even know we have. 0:06:12.242,0:06:13.397 And in some ways, 0:06:13.397,0:06:18.537 I think we're all experiencing[br]an imposed pause because of COVID-19. 0:06:18.537,0:06:20.888 It's a very painful time. 0:06:20.888,0:06:23.009 But I think if we pay attention, 0:06:23.009,0:06:26.294 we'll be able to draw[br]very rich lessons from it 0:06:26.294,0:06:28.035 in this very difficult moment. 0:06:28.035,0:06:30.188 Deep down, everything[br]starts from within us. 0:06:30.188,0:06:32.709 It's not external factors[br]that generate stress 0:06:32.709,0:06:35.404 but how we deal[br]with these external factors. 0:06:35.404,0:06:37.366 I pay a lot of attention to my stress 0:06:37.366,0:06:40.004 because it can be a trigger[br]for my bipolar symptoms. 0:06:40.004,0:06:43.192 And depression and bipolar disorder[br]are very serious illnesses. 0:06:43.192,0:06:44.562 According to WHO, 0:06:44.562,0:06:47.712 depression is the biggest cause[br]of disability in the world, 0:06:47.712,0:06:50.014 and Oxford researchers have found 0:06:50.014,0:06:52.317 that life expectancy[br]is 9 to 20 years shorter 0:06:52.317,0:06:55.895 for those with bipolar disorder. 0:06:55.895,0:06:59.923 And I always ask myself,[br]"How I can stay out of those statistics?" 0:07:00.583,0:07:05.279 The first thing is knowing[br]that I'm not cured but stabilized. 0:07:05.279,0:07:09.786 This makes adherence[br]to my treatment even greater. 0:07:09.786,0:07:13.072 And I also think it has a lot to do[br]with personal responsibility, 0:07:13.072,0:07:16.728 which is my own commitment[br]to my mental health 0:07:16.728,0:07:20.687 in adopting long-term healthy habits. 0:07:20.687,0:07:23.486 It may seem strange for someone[br]who has a mental disorder 0:07:23.486,0:07:26.975 to come here and talk to you[br]about balance and healthy living, 0:07:26.975,0:07:28.882 but it makes all the sense in the world. 0:07:28.882,0:07:31.405 Maintaining my mental health[br]is not an option for me - 0:07:31.405,0:07:33.077 it's a matter of life and death. 0:07:33.077,0:07:34.594 If I don't take care of myself, 0:07:34.594,0:07:39.965 my probability of committing suicide[br]increases exponentially. 0:07:40.336,0:07:41.863 That's why I came here today 0:07:41.863,0:07:45.342 to share the five steps I take[br]to complement my treatment. 0:07:45.342,0:07:47.080 I'll give you an example. 0:07:47.080,0:07:51.551 Remember I said that when I was euphoric[br]my thoughts were extremely fast? 0:07:52.532,0:07:54.346 This happened a lot. 0:07:54.346,0:07:57.780 I think that our habit[br]of staying constantly busy 0:07:57.780,0:07:59.875 is an addictive adrenaline rush. 0:07:59.875,0:08:02.259 Then, at the end of the day,[br]we think to ourselves, 0:08:02.259,0:08:04.146 "Wow, I've worked so hard, 0:08:04.146,0:08:06.526 but I feel like[br]I've accomplished nothing." 0:08:06.976,0:08:11.787 Stanford researchers[br]found that, when we multitask, 0:08:11.787,0:08:15.826 our efficiency and productivity drop. 0:08:15.826,0:08:18.496 Our brain is a lot like a computer. 0:08:18.496,0:08:21.620 You know when you leave[br]all the tabs open on a computer? 0:08:21.620,0:08:23.424 Our brains are the same. 0:08:23.424,0:08:26.010 And deep down, our conscious attention 0:08:26.010,0:08:28.637 is one of the most[br]precious resources we have. 0:08:29.359,0:08:30.563 Back in 2007, 0:08:30.563,0:08:34.152 when I promised myself[br]I would take care of my mental health, 0:08:34.152,0:08:36.761 the first thing[br]I looked into was meditation. 0:08:36.761,0:08:38.129 And then I tried it. 0:08:38.129,0:08:39.585 I was living in Houston then, 0:08:39.585,0:08:42.255 and I went to a Buddhist temple[br]to learn how to meditate. 0:08:42.255,0:08:46.427 I confess that I was a real disaster. 0:08:46.427,0:08:49.168 You know that concept[br]of clearing the mind, 0:08:49.168,0:08:52.253 focusing on breathing,[br]and not thinking about anything? 0:08:52.253,0:08:54.140 That wasn't for me. 0:08:54.140,0:08:56.310 Then I went to the monk and said, 0:08:56.310,0:08:59.799 "Look, I understand[br]the importance of meditation, 0:08:59.799,0:09:03.359 but I don't think I have[br]the cognitive capacity for it." 0:09:03.799,0:09:05.815 And he said to me,[br]with all the tranquility 0:09:05.815,0:09:07.365 that only a monk could possess, 0:09:07.365,0:09:10.474 "Dyene, meditation[br]isn't something we do - 0:09:10.474,0:09:13.175 it's something we practice." 0:09:13.655,0:09:16.765 And he had a point.[br]So I decided to practice. 0:09:17.020,0:09:19.715 To this day, I've noticed[br]that when I don't meditate, 0:09:19.715,0:09:21.433 I don't sleep so well, 0:09:21.433,0:09:24.789 my ability to focus[br]and concentrate decreases, 0:09:24.789,0:09:26.585 and my anxiety increases. 0:09:27.386,0:09:31.201 And this lack of focus[br]and clarity that I had 0:09:31.201,0:09:35.107 improved with meditation,[br]but they weren't my only symptoms. 0:09:35.107,0:09:40.370 Another very evident symptom I had[br]was my need for isolation. 0:09:40.950,0:09:42.922 I think this is understandable. 0:09:42.922,0:09:45.309 People who have depression[br]know it's an anguish, 0:09:45.309,0:09:48.577 a desperation to get away from others. 0:09:48.577,0:09:51.547 You don't want anyone[br]to see you in that state. 0:09:51.547,0:09:53.655 So you distance yourself. 0:09:53.655,0:09:58.758 However, the more difficult our lives get,[br]the more we need each other. 0:09:59.178,0:10:02.598 I once heard that monsters[br]exist in the dark, 0:10:02.598,0:10:06.792 but when you turn on the light,[br]you can see they don't exist. 0:10:06.792,0:10:11.434 Sometimes you don't have the will[br]to get up and turn on the switch. 0:10:11.434,0:10:14.087 And that's when you need a helping hand. 0:10:14.297,0:10:20.187 When I decided I was going to get better,[br]I started investing in my relationships - 0:10:20.313,0:10:22.385 that was my second step. 0:10:22.385,0:10:25.788 So I set up a group of family and friends 0:10:25.788,0:10:29.513 and even attended several support groups, 0:10:29.513,0:10:31.718 which was very important for me. 0:10:32.847,0:10:35.957 And today I see that isolation reigns. 0:10:36.590,0:10:40.931 We have so much technology[br]to bring us together, 0:10:40.931,0:10:46.509 but it's increasingly difficult for us[br]to form genuine, lasting relationships. 0:10:47.557,0:10:51.147 And perhaps it's even more difficult[br]for us to coexist with people 0:10:51.147,0:10:53.383 who think differently from us. 0:10:53.383,0:10:56.154 And what we should strive to do 0:10:56.354,0:11:02.593 is build more and more inclusive,[br]diverse relationships 0:11:03.267,0:11:06.999 because the more inclusive[br]and diverse we are, 0:11:06.999,0:11:10.201 the greater the possibility[br]for us to find solutions 0:11:10.201,0:11:13.583 to the most complex problems[br]that humanity offers. 0:11:13.583,0:11:16.988 It'll be collaboration[br]mediated by technology 0:11:16.988,0:11:21.268 that will allow us to reach[br]the highest innovation rates. 0:11:22.179,0:11:24.740 And this technology[br]comes with some challenges - 0:11:24.740,0:11:26.197 for me at least. 0:11:26.197,0:11:29.042 One of them is digital overload, 0:11:29.042,0:11:32.559 which is understandable considering[br]we're in front of screens all day - 0:11:32.559,0:11:36.724 computer screens,[br]televisions, and cell phones. 0:11:36.964,0:11:39.804 University of Chicago intellectuals 0:11:39.804,0:11:41.160 have even said 0:11:41.160,0:11:44.786 that social media is more addictive[br]than alcohol and cigarettes. 0:11:45.308,0:11:49.674 So to help me balance out[br]this digital overload, 0:11:49.674,0:11:52.045 I prioritized sleep in my life. 0:11:52.045,0:11:55.518 If when I was depressed[br]I'd sleep 18 hours a day. 0:11:55.518,0:11:57.953 and when I was euphoric[br]I wouldn't sleep at all - 0:11:57.953,0:12:01.411 today, I know that[br]seven to eight hours is my ideal. 0:12:01.411,0:12:06.402 Restorative sleep enhances[br]our ability to learn and memorize 0:12:06.402,0:12:08.640 and also decreases the risks 0:12:08.640,0:12:13.162 of developing some types of cancer,[br]diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases. 0:12:13.698,0:12:15.391 I remember when I was younger, 0:12:15.391,0:12:18.113 I used to think it was great[br]to pull all-nighters working. 0:12:18.113,0:12:21.506 Today, I know how harmful[br]this was to my health. 0:12:22.139,0:12:24.778 Improving my sleeping habits[br]was the third thing I did 0:12:24.778,0:12:26.902 to improve my mental health. 0:12:26.902,0:12:29.119 The fourth was exercise. 0:12:29.119,0:12:32.681 I always used lack of time as an excuse, 0:12:32.681,0:12:36.701 until a friend of mine said,[br]"Dyene, a day has 1440 minutes. 0:12:36.701,0:12:41.997 If you can't find 30 to exercise,[br]then you're doing something wrong." 0:12:42.462,0:12:44.107 And he was right. 0:12:44.107,0:12:47.543 So I started to see exercise[br]as a medical prescription, 0:12:47.543,0:12:52.253 as something that would help me[br]fight my comorbidities. 0:12:53.012,0:12:55.534 And when I started[br]to see exercise that way, 0:12:55.534,0:13:00.461 it became much easier to overcome[br]procrastination and get off the couch. 0:13:00.824,0:13:06.216 I think procrastination is something[br]we're all somewhat familiar with. 0:13:06.467,0:13:10.139 Sometimes it's so difficult[br]to get our dreams off the ground 0:13:10.139,0:13:12.260 because we're so afraid[br]of making mistakes. 0:13:12.260,0:13:13.890 I once heard 0:13:13.890,0:13:16.990 that somewhere in the world[br]there's the Museum of Procrastination. 0:13:16.990,0:13:20.360 There, you can find that incredible book[br]that was never written, 0:13:20.360,0:13:23.336 that brilliant canvas[br]that was never painted, 0:13:23.336,0:13:27.262 and that brilliant innovation[br]that was never patented. 0:13:27.414,0:13:31.725 We have to remember something:[br]life is very different from school. 0:13:31.725,0:13:34.490 At school, first we have the lesson - 0:13:38.286,0:13:41.108 first we have the lesson[br]and then we have the test. 0:13:41.108,0:13:45.681 In life, first we have the test,[br]and then we have the lesson. 0:13:45.681,0:13:50.823 And to counteract this procrastination[br]imposed by my illness, 0:13:50.823,0:13:52.898 I needed a lot of discipline 0:13:52.898,0:13:55.530 to do the four steps[br]I told you about today: 0:13:55.530,0:13:59.703 improve my sleep, exercise, meditate, 0:13:59.703,0:14:02.937 and seek healthy relationships. 0:14:03.443,0:14:06.848 And it was with this discipline[br]that I kept moving forward. 0:14:06.848,0:14:10.387 I had to pause; I even took a step back. 0:14:10.387,0:14:12.039 But I continued. 0:14:12.039,0:14:15.148 Today, I can say that bipolar disorder[br]has transformed me. 0:14:15.917,0:14:17.519 I don't complain about my job 0:14:17.519,0:14:20.003 because I know what it's like[br]to be incapacitated. 0:14:20.003,0:14:23.825 I know that unforeseen events[br]happen to anyone 0:14:23.825,0:14:27.217 and that the sense[br]of control I thought I had 0:14:27.217,0:14:28.934 was a mere illusion. 0:14:28.934,0:14:31.072 I also recognize the privileges I had - 0:14:31.072,0:14:33.792 one of which was access[br]to quality healthcare. 0:14:33.792,0:14:35.510 And my most sincere wish 0:14:35.510,0:14:38.283 is that everyone who suffers[br]from a mental disorder 0:14:38.283,0:14:41.382 can have accessibility[br]to the same opportunities I had. 0:14:41.671,0:14:43.141 Today, I do what I like doing. 0:14:43.141,0:14:44.993 I'm a marketing global director 0:14:44.993,0:14:47.237 at an intelligence[br]and information company, 0:14:47.237,0:14:51.968 and I've told my story through a book[br]called "Vencendo a Mente." 0:14:51.968,0:14:55.541 I deliberately used a gerund in the title,[br]"Conquering the Mind" in English, 0:14:55.541,0:14:58.168 because the work never ends. 0:14:58.602,0:15:03.291 Telling my story so openly[br]was a real challenge. 0:15:03.756,0:15:07.297 I was very afraid of being ridiculed, 0:15:07.297,0:15:10.602 stigmatized, or even excluded. 0:15:10.602,0:15:12.206 But that didn't happen. 0:15:12.206,0:15:14.385 I was treated with[br]a great deal of kindness. 0:15:14.385,0:15:17.640 When the time came for the book release,[br]I had to tell my boss, 0:15:17.640,0:15:20.018 and I thought I was going to get fired, 0:15:20.018,0:15:22.603 or that my career[br]would end at that moment. 0:15:22.603,0:15:24.576 And he surprised me when he said, 0:15:24.576,0:15:28.881 "Dyene, courage, authenticity,[br]and vulnerability 0:15:28.881,0:15:31.453 are characteristics of true leaders." 0:15:31.453,0:15:34.291 Hearing that was very important[br]for me to move forward. 0:15:34.291,0:15:38.883 For a while, I had considered[br]publishing the book anonymously, 0:15:38.883,0:15:41.354 but then I would miss[br]an excellent opportunity 0:15:41.354,0:15:45.967 to show people that it's possible[br]to live with a mental disorder, 0:15:45.967,0:15:47.781 to live a full life, 0:15:47.781,0:15:52.433 and also to reinforce the importance[br]of the treatment that makes this possible. 0:15:52.433,0:15:58.445 In the end, it was through healthy habits,[br]self-awareness, and discipline 0:15:58.445,0:16:01.786 that I managed to turn the tables[br]and resume my momentum - 0:16:01.786,0:16:05.528 not forgetting the importance of pausing,[br]whether it be deliberate or not. 0:16:05.810,0:16:07.129 It was through pausing 0:16:07.129,0:16:09.878 that I was able to connect[br]with who I really was 0:16:09.878,0:16:12.840 and tell own my story. 0:16:13.471,0:16:17.284 A wise man once said,[br]"Change, but start slowly 0:16:17.284,0:16:21.685 because direction[br]is more important than speed." 0:16:21.685,0:16:24.237 So start where you are, 0:16:24.237,0:16:26.042 go at your own pace, 0:16:26.042,0:16:30.113 and never give up until you find[br]your point of equilibrium. 0:16:30.113,0:16:31.674 Thank you. 0:16:31.674,0:16:34.659 (Applause)