So when I was eight years old,

a new girl came to join the class.

She was so impressive,

as the new girl always seems to be.

She had vast quantities of very shiny hair

and a cute little pencil case,

super-strong on state capitals,

just a great speller,

and I just curdled with jealousy that year,

until I hatched my devious plan.

So one day I stayed a little late after school,

a little too late, and I lurked in the girl's bathroom.

When the coast was clear, I emerged,

crept into the classroom,

and took from my teacher's desk the grade book.

And then I did it.

I fiddled with my rival's grades,

just a little, just demoted some of those A's.