[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.12,0:00:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My, something about my controlling and harsh\Ncritical husband I feel stuck on working with
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.83,0:00:13.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the turnarounds.\NIím still confused. So,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.27,0:00:23.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone have a harsh critical husband or wife?\NOkay, and what do they, what does he say that
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.41,0:00:29.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is so painful?\NìI canít talk to you anymore.î
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.67,0:00:32.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you love silence? Do you love peace?\NAbsolutely
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.68,0:00:39.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well heís the perfect husband for you.\NThank you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.01,0:00:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyone else?\NWhen he gets really upset heíll say like,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.66,0:00:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ìYouíre not a decent woman.î\NYouíre notÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.45,0:00:54.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A decent woman\NOkay, so thatís simple. When youíre at home
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.17,0:01:01.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alone and you have the blinds shut because\Nyou donít want anyone to see you, what is
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.53,0:01:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that about?\NYou know, when you go to that bathroom in
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.44,0:01:21.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a public place, why do you shut the door?\NAnd Iím just showing you how my mind plays
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.73,0:01:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with things because I hit this one years ago\Nright away.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.60,0:01:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen had to teach me to shut the bathroom\Ndoor because whenÖwhy do I tell these things?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.31,0:01:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He came in one time, years ago, and I was\Ndoing the school in the wonderful desert and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.81,0:01:52.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had several staff, they were woman, but\Nthat wouldnít have affected me I guess, but
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.82,0:02:05.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was working with all these staff for the\Nnext session and he came in and I was in the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.39,0:02:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bathroom doing my thing and they were all\Nthere just, we were just taking care ofÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.88,0:02:18.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were having a staff meeting basically while\NI went to the bathroom.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.39,0:02:25.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was horrified.\NAnd as love would have it, I support Stephen.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.08,0:02:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, decent also is a matter of definition.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.97,0:02:37.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh good\NWhat honey?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.71,0:02:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What did she say? I mean, Iím not following\Nthis one.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.91,0:02:44.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you be the husband.\NOkay
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.93,0:02:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yuck, youíre not decent.\NOh honey, tell me more. Where specifically?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.88,0:02:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What specifically?\NYou donít close the bathroom door when you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.11,0:02:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pee.\NThatís true.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.28,0:03:03.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you also need to cloth yourself better.\NI can see your cleavage and your butt crack.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.91,0:03:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh wow. I can see thatísÖYeah, thatís so.\NReally? Like, thatís it?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.13,0:03:21.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well if itís true, heís right.\NI mean if my butt crack is showing and my
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.13,0:03:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cleavage showingÖ Heís a keen observer.\NI mean, okay, see if you can hear this:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.25,0:03:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love is never boxed in.\NIt never excludes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.46,0:03:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís your heart.\NI have a big thing about manners and decency
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.60,0:03:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all my stories about that with my daughter\Nand my former step-daughters and stuff. So,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.49,0:03:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iím constantly saying mind your manners and\Nshit.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.34,0:03:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, as egos would have it, we just marry\Nwithin those little culture bubbles. So weíre
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.32,0:03:59.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all safe.\NThatís not right or wrong. Itís just unnecessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.17,0:04:04.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love crashes all the boundaries.\NSo, I might say, if you donít have the table
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.29,0:04:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,manners then you were indecent.\NYeah, and I think, well you know sweetheart,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.55,0:04:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that must be very painful for you.\NAnd Iím very open to buying pants with different
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.39,0:04:26.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waistline, higher things and Iím very open\Nto better table manners and I think it would
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.50,0:04:35.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be a lot of fun to take on that apparent identity.\NWow
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.84,0:04:39.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And see if it helps you at all.\NCan I say something?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.20,0:04:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís actually deeper than that when he gets\Nreally upset heíll say like, ìwhoreî and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.44,0:04:49.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thatís likeÖ\NOkay so say to me; heís really upset.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.83,0:04:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He would just, he would just say like, ìYouíre\Njust a whore.î
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.37,0:04:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, yea.\NAnd that hurts.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.34,0:05:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, but you know, if you know yourself itís\Nnot going to hurt honey.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.16,0:05:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, still if you have like a specific happening\Nin the past, and you know he refers to that,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.47,0:05:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then it hurts.\NYes, so a good old Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.38,0:05:18.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or five or six.\NBut I tried.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.78,0:05:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you know, do you have a worksheet now?\NYeah, Iím not with him anymore, but physically,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.15,0:05:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,heís there.\NYou know, this started out as light, and I
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.94,0:05:38.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hear where you are. Itís really painful.\NIt really hurts, but I can tell you in my
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.75,0:05:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experience, I look just like you, I felt what\Nyouíre feeling, what I imagine that youíre
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.30,0:05:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feeling, pain, hurt, crushed.\NAnd today, ifÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.35,0:06:03.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today like in your position, if someone called\Nme like a whore. I would say, ìYou know,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.21,0:06:08.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only this morning. I said yes to you so youíd\Nbring me coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.69,0:06:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I just, Iím a whore whore whore.\NYou know, Iím always bartering.î
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.94,0:06:28.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If someone you really love says, ìYou whoreî\Ndoesnít it hurt?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.03,0:06:34.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well you know, I would just sit down with\Nthat person and say, ìtell me everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.49,0:06:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where is it that youÖWhy do you see me that\Nway?î
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.13,0:06:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he could come up with some examples that\NI absolutely agree with.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.28,0:06:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, and then?\NAnd then, maybe I would cry and think, ìHe
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.12,0:06:55.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know me so well, I feel so connected to him.î\NAnd then?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.80,0:07:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then he stays with me or he doesnít.\NBut if he always blames youÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.24,0:07:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well I would question: He always blames you.\NAnd if I called you a whore out of a state
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.43,0:07:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of anger or hurt, I would not like myself.\NSo I may come back with something even stronger.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.12,0:07:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís what guilt is like. Itís what pain\Nis like. Itís what fear is like. Itís what
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.40,0:07:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lack of kindness is like.\NWhen I donít like me, I donít like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.38,0:07:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if Iím unkind to you, thatís what Iím\Nleft with.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.93,0:07:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I appear to be mean and Iím only frightened.\NThatís all thatís going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.03,0:07:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love is all thatís ever going on.\NSo, would you like to do a worksheet?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.47,0:07:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, bring it up here. Weíll seeÖWhat did\Nyou write?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.30,0:07:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am upset with Bal·zs because he doesnít\Nwant to forget the past and brings it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.09,0:08:05.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want to step into this parlor?\NYes please.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.17,0:08:10.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Letís do The Work.\NSo, he doesnít want to forget the past. Is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.41,0:08:16.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that true?\NItís a yes or a no to those first two questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.35,0:08:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. Yes.\NHe doesnít want to forget the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.12,0:08:28.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you absolutely know that itís true that\Nhe doesnít want to forget the past?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.27,0:08:35.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\NSo, how do you react, what happens, when you
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.44,0:08:44.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think that thought?\NI get nervous.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.16,0:08:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I become afraid of losing him; that heíll\Njust leave the relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.11,0:09:03.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get angry sometimes.\NAnxious
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.59,0:09:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel bad. I always remember why he doesnít\Nwant toÖwhy heís calling me the whore; I
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.22,0:09:28.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mean when he does. I always remember that\Nspecific situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.64,0:09:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I hate myself for that.\NNow, imagine that situation where youíre
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.04,0:09:46.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with him and youíre thinking the thought:\NHe doesnít want to forget the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.69,0:09:53.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now look at him. Look at him. No matter how\Nangry he isÖDo you see him?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.44,0:09:57.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would you be without the thought: He doesnít\Nwant to forget the past?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.27,0:10:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at him.\NTell me what you see on his face.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.57,0:10:10.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look at his physical body. Look at him.\NLook into his eyes. What do you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.29,0:10:21.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would you be without the thought: He doesnít\Nwant to forget the past?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.86,0:10:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fear, scared, anger.\NYou know that anger is fear?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.25,0:10:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The angrier a person is, the more frightened\Nthey are.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.79,0:10:44.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He doesnít want to forgive the past. Turn\Nit around. IÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.95,0:10:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I donít want to forget the past.\NI donít want to forget the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.19,0:10:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know that very thing, that situation you\Nwere talking about?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.80,0:11:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You donít want to forgive it or forget it.\NYouíre expecting him to do what you havenít
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.46,0:11:11.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,done yet.\NBut he reminds me of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.46,0:11:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, get out of the past.\NLook at him the way he really is in that moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.31,0:11:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heís frightened.\NIf have the thought: I want you to forgive
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.83,0:11:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the past.\NI need to start with myself. How can I expect
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.26,0:11:36.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,him to do it? For all I know itís impossible.\NSo, I need to put a little work into that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.35,0:11:43.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, why donít you forgive the past?\NBecause, if I forget the past, then he might
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.42,0:11:56.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think that was easy.\NLike well,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.67,0:12:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well heís already telling you that anyway.\NI tried two years with him to forget the past,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.85,0:12:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or to make him understand that he is the one\NI love.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.10,0:12:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if I forgot the past, then he would likeÖîOh\Nthat was easy for you.î
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.18,0:12:19.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you could tell him the truth. You know,\NìIt took me two years.î
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.11,0:12:26.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, there is the truth.\NFeel what it feels like when you are remembering
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.26,0:12:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the past; thinking of yourself as a whore.\NFeel what that feels like?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.96,0:12:37.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NOkay, now feel like, what it feels like when
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.21,0:12:38.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,youíre not.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.86,0:12:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, so that was always you.\NYou not forgetting the past was the pain you
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.10,0:12:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,felt, not him remembering the past.\NSomeone can remember your past all they want.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.75,0:13:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís not until you remember it and havenít\Nforgiven it, that it hurts.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.01,0:13:15.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Understand? Like, someone could believe the\Npast all they want. It doesnít hurt me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.50,0:13:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís when I havenít forgiven the past and\Nthey bring it up that I hurt me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.89,0:13:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NSo that gives you something to work on.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.17,0:13:37.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forgetting forgiving your past.\NI always thought it was like a weapon he used
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.58,0:13:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against me.\NTurn it around. It was a weapon that IÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.97,0:13:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a weapon I used against me to hold\Nmyself down.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.55,0:13:54.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what a perfect partner to do that.\NWow
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.10,0:14:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didnít want to forget the past.\NBecause that way I put myself down and he
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.71,0:15:25.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would love me.\NOh, whoring again.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.78,0:15:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put myself down. I played smaller.\NTo keep his affection.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.14,0:15:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Weird isnít it?\NSo he had the power. I gave him that power.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.43,0:16:04.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes\NAnd I would always say, ìYou donít want
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.49,0:16:15.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to forget the past. You punish me.î\NAnd he wouldnít.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.05,0:16:23.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, youíre a tough one. Itís hard to enlighten\Nyou.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.94,0:16:28.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís what every relationship is about you\Nknow.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.03,0:16:33.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once we have The Work with it, combined with\Nthat relationship, those relationships itís
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.53,0:16:37.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very clear that theyíre there to wake us\Nup.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.84,0:16:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We judge them on paper and we set ourselves\Nfree and then the past changes.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.00,0:16:52.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do The Work and then The Work does us.\NHe doesnít want to forget the past. Can you
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.16,0:16:59.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,find another turnaround, another opposite?\NHe doesÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.17,0:17:06.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He does want to forget the past.\NOtherwise he would not want to be with me
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.98,0:17:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for two years.\NWe were actually going to get married, but
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.08,0:17:22.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seven weeks before he said he could not forget\Nthe past and cancelled the wedding.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.71,0:17:29.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wow, lucky you and kind him.\NItís like oh my heart is broken. Heís not
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.44,0:17:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to marry me and I wonít be able to\Nlive with someone who will not forget the
Dialogue: 0,0:17:43.54,0:17:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,past.\NThe next time you see him, you can say, ìYou
Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.27,0:18:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know what I loved most about you?\NThe way you saw my past, it really helped
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.56,0:18:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me.î\NIt actually helped me
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.19,0:18:25.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís like, hereís before the work: He doesnít\Nwant to forget the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.54,0:18:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After the work five minutes later: He doesnít\Nwant to give the past!
Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.32,0:18:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iím so lucky. Perfect relationship\NItís possible that he hated hurting you to
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.56,0:18:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the point where he just wouldnít marry you\Nand continue to hurt you that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.78,0:19:08.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He actually said that.\NTwo weeks before he cancelled the wedding,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.57,0:19:13.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I didnít want to leave him.\NNo, you prefer remembering the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.25,0:19:20.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And heís not going to play anymore.\NHeís not going to help you anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.83,0:19:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay precious, letís look at the next one.\NI want Bal·zs to be happy with me, worship
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.75,0:19:37.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me, be happy because weíre together, and\Nforget the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.61,0:19:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my goodness, so letís just turn that around.\NI want meÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:19:43.92,0:19:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want me to be happy with me, worship me,\Nbe happy becauseÖIím together?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.69,0:20:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we are together?\NI am together with myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:08.98,0:20:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I amÖBe happy because I am together with\Nmyself.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.58,0:20:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, even if you marry someone youíre still\Njust with yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.96,0:20:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd I wantÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.28,0:20:33.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to forget the past.\NThat makes you really good company.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:34.80,0:20:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really.\NSo thereís another turnaround: I want me
Dialogue: 0,0:20:44.66,0:20:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be happy with him.\NI want me to be happy with him. I want me
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.56,0:20:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to worship him. I want me to be happy because\Nweíre together.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:59.66,0:21:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because Iím together with him.\NBecause I am together with him.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:04.76,0:21:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And grateful for what heís shown you, and\Ngrateful that he did not forget the past,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:11.09,0:21:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and grateful that he cancelled that wedding\Nso you can be somewhat out of pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.78,0:21:27.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NWhat does that mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:27.49,0:21:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means you couldnít forget your past, and\Nbecause he cancelled the wedding there were
Dialogue: 0,0:21:32.26,0:21:37.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not two of you not forgetting the past every\Nday together.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:37.49,0:21:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, 24/7\NHe just left you to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:44.99,0:21:51.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if I forget the past, do I have a future\Nwith him?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.49,0:22:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I have no idea, but Iíve had three\Nhusbands in my life and I adore them.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:03.60,0:22:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a husband thatÖItís an old story I\Nlove. Itís an example. Heís this very large
Dialogue: 0,0:22:13.25,0:22:19.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,man with this great big stomach and he was\Nreally like volatile.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:19.94,0:22:26.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when The Work found me I became quiet\Nand I would maybe just be sitting there as
Dialogue: 0,0:22:27.52,0:22:32.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,still as you have been as youíre contemplating\Nand he would walk into the room and it would
Dialogue: 0,0:22:32.21,0:22:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frighten him because I was no longer so animated\Nand crazed.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:40.17,0:22:47.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he might say likeÖIíll say blankity\Nblank but he loved curse words and he really
Dialogue: 0,0:22:51.16,0:22:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knew some good ones.\NAnd when heís frightened heíd use them.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:56.03,0:23:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís the only time people use like seriouslyÖI\Ndonít know if thatís true.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:02.76,0:23:09.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But anyway, when he was upset thatís what\Nhe did and he would go like, ìBlankity blank
Dialogue: 0,0:23:11.79,0:23:18.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kate what the hell do you think youíre doing!?!î\NI just think, oh my, this is the smartest
Dialogue: 0,0:23:19.07,0:23:26.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,man Iíve everÖWhat an amazing question.\NWhat do I think Iím doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:26.18,0:23:31.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or heís say, ìBlankity blank Kate where\Nthe hell do you think youíre going!?!î
Dialogue: 0,0:23:31.03,0:23:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I justÖAgain itís like this man was\Nmy teacher.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.54,0:23:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iím still trying to answer that question.\NOur story about a personís intonation or
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.69,0:23:53.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our story about like you know they go, ìblah\Nblah blahî and theyíre angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:53.97,0:23:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What youíre believing about that Blah blah\Nblah, thatís whatís hurting you.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:57.99,0:24:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you just listen to the words?\NThereís no time that youíre not with your
Dialogue: 0,0:24:04.40,0:24:09.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teacher.\NHeíd say things like, ìWho the hell do you
Dialogue: 0,0:24:09.57,0:24:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think you are?î\NìWho the hell do you think you are Kate!?!î
Dialogue: 0,0:24:20.47,0:24:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay honey just slow down. Thatís a good\None.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:39.70,0:24:46.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no harm in the world.\NAnd that a small statement.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:47.04,0:24:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I love that people would hear things like\Nthat and do The Work until they can prove
Dialogue: 0,0:24:59.36,0:25:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that itís true beyond any tiny little flaw.\NAnd then that way we know our true nature
Dialogue: 0,0:25:07.51,0:25:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,andÖThatís certainly visible as I sit with\Nyou and watch drop into your beautiful self.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:17.84,0:25:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Letís look at the next one. Letís keep traveling.\NThe third one?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:25.06,0:25:27.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.\NHe shouldnít criticize me.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:27.87,0:25:34.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that true?\NYouíre asking him again to do what you canít
Dialogue: 0,0:25:35.69,0:25:42.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do.\NSo: He shouldnít criticize you. Is that true?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:45.15,0:25:48.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, do you appreciate free speech?\NFree speech?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:48.75,0:25:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, of course.\NOkay, well not in him.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.76,0:26:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís like, sweetheart I love you, but donít\Nthink this, donít think this, donít think
Dialogue: 0,0:26:02.21,0:26:04.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this, donít think this.\NNope, not that either.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:04.73,0:26:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, thatís true.\NHard to live with.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.01,0:26:14.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NDonít think it, donít say it, donítÖYou
Dialogue: 0,0:26:14.11,0:26:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hurt me.\NYouíre so good Katie.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:20.34,0:26:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know we come from the same school.\NIím so grateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:25.77,0:26:32.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you honey.\NSo: He shouldnít criticize you. Is that true?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:36.33,0:26:41.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.\NYou know, people who criticize you will give
Dialogue: 0,0:26:41.73,0:26:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you your best work.\NSo you know, if youíre really interested
Dialogue: 0,0:26:48.43,0:26:53.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in freedom and enlightenment, go out in the\Nworld and just...Or you donít even have to
Dialogue: 0,0:26:53.71,0:27:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go out into the world just, wherever you go,\Nhopefully theyíll criticize. Can you imagine
Dialogue: 0,0:27:00.43,0:27:06.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,living in the world going anywhere everywhere\Nanywhere you want to go hoping someone will
Dialogue: 0,0:27:06.99,0:27:12.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,criticize you?\NI mean, that is freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:12.67,0:27:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another way of saying that is: going out into\Nthe world and let them enlighten you.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:16.19,0:27:19.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you have inquiry thatís whatís going\Non.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:19.85,0:27:26.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís what everything, thatís what every\Nbreath is for, your enlightenment.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:28.04,0:27:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So sweetheart: He shouldnít criticize you.\NHow do you react, what happens, when you believe
Dialogue: 0,0:27:37.72,0:27:44.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that thought?\NI get out of control. I yell.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:44.10,0:27:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He hates that.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:27:47.47,0:27:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then weíre shocked that they criticize\Nus when we know they hate that.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:57.63,0:28:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Close your eyes and look at you when you think\Nthe thought: He shouldnít criticize you,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:01.36,0:28:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and youíre yelling.\NDo you see that image?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:01.70,0:28:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now look at him. This is: Who would you be\Nwithout the thought?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:06.91,0:28:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just witness.\NCan you find compassion for him and you?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:12.88,0:28:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See the pain in that one and him?\NSee how frightened they both are?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:25.31,0:28:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He shouldnít criticize me turned around:\NHe should criticize me.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:31.90,0:28:38.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see it?\NIím yelling. Iím screaming.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:41.76,0:28:48.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He actually tries to talk with me, but I yell\Nbecause I get hurt. I donít want to listen.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:54.98,0:29:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He tries to tell me something and I donít\Nwant to listen or I get hurt or I think I
Dialogue: 0,0:29:03.07,0:29:10.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get hurt and then I yell and then it becomes\Neven worse because then he is out of control
Dialogue: 0,0:29:10.93,0:29:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I think he doesnít want to forget\Nthe past.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:18.75,0:29:25.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That I actually make him tell me Iím a whore.\NReally.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:26.00,0:29:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I provoke it.\NI make him go the same pattern and then I
Dialogue: 0,0:29:39.89,0:29:46.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make him the guilty one.\NHe has many times tried to talk with me, but
Dialogue: 0,0:29:55.94,0:30:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he would always say, ìOh you donít want\Nto listen and I donít want to marry a women
Dialogue: 0,0:30:02.29,0:30:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who I cannot talk to whoís yelling at me.\NI donít feel like a man.î
Dialogue: 0,0:30:07.90,0:30:14.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldnít understand that.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:30:35.03,0:30:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I actually cancelled the wedding.\NI mean he just said, seven weeks before, he
Dialogue: 0,0:30:53.41,0:31:00.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,needed some time. Before the wedding, I was\Nin Denmark, he was in Turkey and I went to
Dialogue: 0,0:31:01.48,0:31:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Denmark to give the invitations to people\Nand I heard there was something. I could hear
Dialogue: 0,0:31:07.16,0:31:12.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was not okay.\NAnd then in phone he just said to me, ìIím
Dialogue: 0,0:31:12.93,0:31:19.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scared.\NBecause we yell, we always discuss and we
Dialogue: 0,0:31:19.73,0:31:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are always yelling. I mean itís always like\Nthisî and then he said, ìI need some time.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:31.08,0:31:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need some time to see if I can live without\Nyou.î
Dialogue: 0,0:31:36.58,0:31:43.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And instead of trying to understand him, I\Nwas like, ìOkay you need some timeî and
Dialogue: 0,0:31:46.55,0:31:53.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I reacted and I got even more angry. I yelled\Neven more in phone, and then he said, ìThatís
Dialogue: 0,0:32:01.27,0:32:08.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why Iím scared to marry you because I want\Na peaceful life. I want to marry onceî and
Dialogue: 0,0:32:13.03,0:32:20.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like being a child.\NI was like being, like me me me.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:20.11,0:32:26.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And really I was like, I did all this for\Nyou. Blah blah blah.î
Dialogue: 0,0:32:26.21,0:32:32.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know sweetheart, that isÖYouíre describing\Nthe unenlightened mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:32.46,0:32:38.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd when inquiry comes into our life the id
Dialogue: 0,0:32:38.95,0:32:45.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,begins to mature the way yours is. We all\Nit mature human beings but just the mind expanding
Dialogue: 0,0:32:45.08,0:32:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into itsÖIíll say its true nature which\Nlooks like maturity and itís always kind
Dialogue: 0,0:32:52.71,0:32:59.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sitting with you is just watching this\Nheart open and open and open and realize and
Dialogue: 0,0:32:59.63,0:33:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,open.\NItís like you are in the presence of mature
Dialogue: 0,0:33:04.52,0:33:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mind, enlightened mind and you can have it\Nany time. Just notice its always been there,
Dialogue: 0,0:33:13.02,0:33:18.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,itís just now you can see because what you\Nwere believing is just out of the way enough
Dialogue: 0,0:33:18.55,0:33:25.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so imagine what you mind is capable of.\NSO, he shouldnít criticize me, turned around:
Dialogue: 0,0:33:30.09,0:33:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He shouldÖ\NHe should criticize me cause it grows you.
Dialogue: 0,0:33:35.14,0:33:42.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it grows me.\NOkay precious letís look at the next one
Dialogue: 0,0:33:44.05,0:33:51.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He should listen to me\NHe did it frightened him
Dialogue: 0,0:33:54.32,0:34:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He actually listened, you know what he said?\NIn five years I have been listening to you
Dialogue: 0,0:34:00.98,0:34:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He actually listens to me\NIím the one
Dialogue: 0,0:34:08.43,0:34:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was not listening\NYou know what I love about inquiry is you
Dialogue: 0,0:34:16.02,0:34:21.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,donítÖyou know, if the person is dead or\Nremarried or you never see them again itís
Dialogue: 0,0:34:21.17,0:34:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never too late to fall in love.\NAnd itís very different. Itís not a physical
Dialogue: 0,0:34:25.89,0:34:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thing.\NAnd the next one?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:30.58,0:34:37.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He should talk nicely\NIs that true?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:37.42,0:34:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think youíve covered that. Turned around?\NI should talk nicely
Dialogue: 0,0:34:44.31,0:34:47.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NThe next?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:47.52,0:34:52.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mhmm\NHe should respect me.
Dialogue: 0,0:34:52.03,0:34:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really?\NItís hard to respect us when weíre going
Dialogue: 0,0:34:58.31,0:35:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,off on them\NSo turned around?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:03.96,0:35:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should respect him.\NI should respect me.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:10.38,0:35:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NYou were doing the best you could.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:17.58,0:35:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You were believing your thoughts. You couldnít\Nforget the past. You didnít know how.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:21.26,0:35:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.\NYou should respect that
Dialogue: 0,0:35:24.61,0:35:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when those emotions happen again respect\Nthem.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:29.38,0:35:33.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Notice what youíre thinking and believing\Nand fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet
Dialogue: 0,0:35:33.91,0:35:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.\NYouíre welcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:36.25,0:35:41.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know itís like weíre like collapsing\Nmillions of years here.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:41.81,0:35:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that leaves us in the moment.\NAnd thatís a lovely life.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:48.62,0:35:54.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís a life where thereís no suffering.\NYouíre always safe. Youíre never old. Youíre
Dialogue: 0,0:35:54.97,0:35:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,never sick.\NAnd you understand.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:57.00,0:36:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Letís look at the next one.\NHe shouldnít doubt on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:05.00,0:36:10.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Turned around\NI shouldnít doubt on myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:10.21,0:36:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NWhen you think youíre a terrible human being
Dialogue: 0,0:36:14.30,0:36:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get real.\NYou know, just put it on paper. Get real.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:19.98,0:36:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the next one.\NHe should relax and focus on building a future
Dialogue: 0,0:36:26.18,0:36:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with me.\NTurned around, I shouldÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:36:28.66,0:36:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should relax and focus on building a future\Nwith myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:33.96,0:36:40.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, thatís exciting.\NItís wonderful to love the one youíre with.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:41.28,0:36:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:36:42.82,0:36:49.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So look at number four.\NI need Bal·zs to take responsibility and
Dialogue: 0,0:36:50.67,0:36:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not blame me.\NIs it true?
Dialogue: 0,0:37:00.93,0:37:07.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean I should responsibility and not blame\Nhim or anyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:10.15,0:37:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Him or you\NI should take responsibility of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:17.50,0:37:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I donít need him to.\NI donít need him to.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:22.52,0:37:29.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay\NYeah, that feels much free-er
Dialogue: 0,0:37:29.82,0:37:35.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I donít need him to take responsibility and\Njust let him likeÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:37:35.01,0:37:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís very kind of you to allow him to do\Nwhat heís going to do anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:45.17,0:37:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love when you give permission and itís\Nhonest that everyone is free to do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:51.87,0:37:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd you understand that we are just the way
Dialogue: 0,0:37:58.06,0:38:04.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you used to be.\NItís so funny, I have always thought I was
Dialogue: 0,0:38:04.20,0:38:11.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very good partner. Like, freeing him...no\Nno no no.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:11.31,0:38:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, I was giving him freedom and Iíve actually\Nbeen limiting him.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:19.86,0:38:24.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I was not happy with how he was, I\Nwould get upset.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:24.77,0:38:30.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís being a whore because I wanted something\Nout of him and if I didnít get it I wouldnít
Dialogue: 0,0:38:30.14,0:38:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trade my love.\NYea, I was actually doing that.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:40.32,0:38:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would punish him.\NHe didnít give me what I wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:45.86,0:38:51.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yea, no physical touch, no sex, you know,\Njust withhold.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:51.39,0:38:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, just because I had m rules and my way\NofÖyeah, seeing the world and he should be
Dialogue: 0,0:39:00.58,0:39:04.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that way.\NNow, when we finish this worksheet go thorough
Dialogue: 0,0:39:04.21,0:39:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it and make a list of the things youíve discovered\Nand you admit your wrongs and then you make
Dialogue: 0,0:39:11.66,0:39:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it right where you can.\NAnd you apologize for those because we really
Dialogue: 0,0:39:20.81,0:39:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leave marks on people. Weíve been teaching\Nthe opposite of our nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:28.34,0:39:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd itís right when we clean all of that
Dialogue: 0,0:39:33.14,0:39:40.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up, then itís complete.\NOkay honey, the next
Dialogue: 0,0:39:40.19,0:39:47.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need him not to play the victim.\NYou know, all the victims in my life had a
Dialogue: 0,0:39:50.29,0:39:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right to play victimÖ\NWhen I look at my part.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:56.92,0:40:03.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So letís turn it around.\NI need me not to lay the victim
Dialogue: 0,0:40:07.72,0:40:12.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NÖand I need him to.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:12.81,0:40:15.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need him to play the victim.\NYes
Dialogue: 0,0:40:15.64,0:40:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if you reflect back, any area that\Nyou might be the cause of another human beingís
Dialogue: 0,0:40:21.53,0:40:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffering.\NCool.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:23.38,0:40:28.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It really is.\NCool.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:28.95,0:40:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thereís some definite tools here.\NI need him to play the victim.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:38.45,0:40:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd it could be that as you listen to him
Dialogue: 0,0:40:45.22,0:40:51.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making that judgment, you hear that heís\Nnot playing a victim. Heís simply telling
Dialogue: 0,0:40:51.45,0:40:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you truths again that you could not hear earlier.\NOkay
Dialogue: 0,0:41:00.51,0:41:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need him to be strong, happy, confident,\Ngrateful for our relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:41:06.67,0:41:12.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, thatís a difficult list for a partner\Nto take on.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:12.95,0:41:19.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, letís turn it around. I need meÖ\NI need me to be strong, happy, and confident,
Dialogue: 0,0:41:19.95,0:41:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and be grateful for the relationship with\Nmyself and others.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:25.01,0:41:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, that way they can be what they be and\Nyouíre always in a good relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:31.33,0:41:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thatís true.\NOkay
Dialogue: 0,0:41:33.62,0:41:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And number five.\NBal·zs is ungrateful, always doubting, weak,
Dialogue: 0,0:41:41.43,0:41:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,codependent on his parents, irresponsible,\Ncold, immature.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:50.18,0:41:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I really want to marry him.\NThis is me.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:23.68,0:42:29.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NI am ungrateful, always doubtingÖ.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:29.49,0:42:32.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in that relationship\NIn that relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:42:32.27,0:42:39.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When he calls me a whore or when he soesnít\Ngive me what I want, I amÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:42:39.10,0:42:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am ungrateful, always doubting, I a weak,\Ncodependant on my parents?
Dialogue: 0,0:42:49.06,0:42:55.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would look at on his parents.\NLike what?
Dialogue: 0,0:42:55.47,0:43:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I donít know.\NThere are some advantages, itís like if youíre
Dialogue: 0,0:43:02.82,0:43:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to marry someone, if they fall short\Nmaybe his parents will kick in.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:07.48,0:43:14.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Itís like, you can go to them and say heís\Nnot blah blah blah.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:15.78,0:43:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did that.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:43:27.37,0:43:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay\NI am irresponsible, I am cold, and I am immature.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:37.20,0:43:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, in that relationship in that situation.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:43:45.08,0:43:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay honey\NNow, I want you to pay attention to this also.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:51.30,0:43:57.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Read the list again. I amÖ\NI am ungrateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:57.12,0:44:00.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what is the opposite?\NI am grateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:00.28,0:44:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then you sit with this later and youÖall\Nthe times that you were grateful to him will
Dialogue: 0,0:44:10.03,0:44:14.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come to you.\NAnd you know it, until I am just head over
Dialogue: 0,0:44:14.26,0:44:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,heels in love with my perceived enemy at the\Nother end of this worksheet, my work is just
Dialogue: 0,0:44:22.37,0:44:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not done.\NSO that way you fall in love with everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:44:25.58,0:44:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone.\NAnd you donít have to marry them you donít
Dialogue: 0,0:44:30.98,0:44:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even have to, I mean itís justÖYouíre free\Nand youíre full of what is natural, happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:39.71,0:44:46.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the next word?\NI am sure, Iím not doubting Iím sure about
Dialogue: 0,0:44:49.02,0:44:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,myself\NYeah, and you find he ways you were sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:52.21,0:44:57.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were a lot of things you were sure of.\NOkay the next.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:57.61,0:45:02.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am strong.\NYes there were many areas where you were strong.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:02.54,0:45:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, some of those served you, some of them\Ndidnít, but theyíll show you your strength
Dialogue: 0,0:45:08.48,0:45:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the negative and your strength in the positive\Nand what will serve you because you know yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:45:17.41,0:45:23.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when youíre in that I know mind, that unquestioned\Nmind, and you believe youíre right, it does
Dialogue: 0,0:45:23.94,0:45:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of damage.\NIn other words it takes you further and further
Dialogue: 0,0:45:28.00,0:45:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,away from what is valuable.\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:45:31.74,0:45:37.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Further and further away from yourself and\Nhim as a result.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:37.19,0:45:39.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NOkay so you do that list in the opposite and
Dialogue: 0,0:45:39.97,0:45:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really take it in.\NAnd then you find where he was strong.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:44.76,0:45:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NAnd where he was, you do that wholeness with
Dialogue: 0,0:45:47.06,0:45:53.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,him too, the opposites.\NThat way you get a balance and you get to
Dialogue: 0,0:45:53.78,0:45:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knowÖYou know how you want to know everything\Nabout the person you love?
Dialogue: 0,0:45:57.51,0:46:04.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, this worksheet is how we do it.\NIt just take in, you know, all the negatives,
Dialogue: 0,0:46:04.73,0:46:11.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the positives, and they all become a positive.\NThe last one, number six.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:11.66,0:46:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I donít ever want him to doubt on my love\Nto him.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:16.51,0:46:22.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iím willingÖ\NIím willing to let him doubt of my love to
Dialogue: 0,0:46:22.38,0:46:24.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,him.\NI look forward toÖ
Dialogue: 0,0:46:24.22,0:46:27.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I look forward to let him doubt on my love\Nto him
Dialogue: 0,0:46:27.95,0:46:31.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, thatí exciting.\NAnd I would just put the whole world there.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:31.89,0:46:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, exactly. Yeah\NBecause you know, we have a right not to love
Dialogue: 0,0:46:38.16,0:46:43.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you if we donít.\NAnd you have a right to love us anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:43.60,0:46:50.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you have a way to do that\NYeah
Dialogue: 0,0:46:50.95,0:46:57.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then it was: I donít ever want him always\Ntesting my love to him.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:59.33,0:47:06.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, Iím willing\NI look forward to have life test the love
Dialogue: 0,0:47:11.37,0:47:18.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to life.\NI look forward to life testing my love of
Dialogue: 0,0:47:19.25,0:47:24.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life and everything in it and about it and\Nevery situation and every thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:24.15,0:47:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah\NThe only thing we donít love is the thought
Dialogue: 0,0:47:30.87,0:47:37.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or concept or assumption that weíve attached\Nto and then what that produces is secondary.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:39.46,0:47:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So weíre taking care of this and then this\Nshifts. This becomes lovely.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:50.46,0:47:55.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, itís very user friendly.\NThank you
Dialogue: 0,0:47:55.65,0:47:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you so much\NYouíre very welcome
Dialogue: 0,0:47:58.43,0:48:05.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really Iím so grateful thank you\NYou are very welcome thank you for silence.