1
00:00:01,039 --> 00:00:02,762
Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

2
00:00:02,786 --> 00:00:04,051
(Cheering)

3
00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:05,491
Not good enough.

4
00:00:05,515 --> 00:00:07,880
Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

5
00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:09,825
(Loud cheering)

6
00:00:09,849 --> 00:00:12,350
My name is Maysoon Zayid,

7
00:00:12,374 --> 00:00:14,238
and I am not drunk,

8
00:00:14,262 --> 00:00:16,929
but the doctor who delivered me was.

9
00:00:16,953 --> 00:00:20,483
He cut my mom six different times

10
00:00:20,507 --> 00:00:23,293
in six different directions,

11
00:00:23,317 --> 00:00:25,561
suffocating poor little me in the process.

12
00:00:25,935 --> 00:00:28,553
As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

13
00:00:28,577 --> 00:00:31,355
which means I shake all the time.

14
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,379
Look.

15
00:00:34,006 --> 00:00:35,419
It's exhausting.

16
00:00:35,443 --> 00:00:39,216
I'm like Shakira,
Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.

17
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,469
(Laughter)

18
00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:44,065
CP is not genetic.

19
00:00:44,398 --> 00:00:47,213
It's not a birth defect.
You can't catch it.

20
00:00:47,237 --> 00:00:50,411
No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

21
00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:53,800
and I didn't get it because
my parents are first cousins,

22
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:55,148
which they are.

23
00:00:55,172 --> 00:00:59,514
(Laughter)

24
00:00:59,538 --> 00:01:01,728
It only happens from accidents,

25
00:01:01,752 --> 00:01:03,996
like what happened to me on my birth day.

26
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:06,529
Now, I must warn you,

27
00:01:06,553 --> 00:01:07,829
I'm not inspirational.

28
00:01:08,472 --> 00:01:09,473
(Laughter)

29
00:01:09,497 --> 00:01:13,443
And I don't want anyone in this room
to feel bad for me,

30
00:01:13,467 --> 00:01:15,673
because at some point in your life,

31
00:01:15,697 --> 00:01:18,086
you have dreamt of being disabled.

32
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Come on a journey with me.

33
00:01:20,935 --> 00:01:24,049
It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

34
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you're driving around in circles
looking for parking,

35
00:01:27,389 --> 00:01:29,054
and what do you see?

36
00:01:29,435 --> 00:01:32,190
Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

37
00:01:32,214 --> 00:01:34,721
(Laughter)

38
00:01:34,745 --> 00:01:37,758
And you're like, "God,
can't I just be a little disabled?"

39
00:01:37,782 --> 00:01:43,392
(Laughter)

40
00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:44,995
Also, I've got to tell you,

41
00:01:45,019 --> 00:01:48,691
I've got 99 problems,
and palsy is just one.

42
00:01:48,715 --> 00:01:49,738
(Laughter)

43
00:01:49,762 --> 00:01:52,328
If there was an Oppression Olympics,

44
00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:54,085
I would win the gold medal.

45
00:01:54,109 --> 00:01:57,242
I'm Palestinian, Muslim,

46
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I'm female, I'm disabled,

47
00:01:59,614 --> 00:02:01,483
and I live in New Jersey.

48
00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:04,454
(Laughter)

49
00:02:04,478 --> 00:02:07,721
(Applause)

50
00:02:07,745 --> 00:02:10,546
If you don't feel better
about yourself, maybe you should.

51
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:11,601
(Laughter)

52
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,952
Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

53
00:02:13,976 --> 00:02:16,549
I have always loved the fact

54
00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:20,583
that my hood and my affliction
share the same initials.

55
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,045
I also love the fact

56
00:02:22,069 --> 00:02:25,264
that if I wanted to walk
from my house to New York City, I could.

57
00:02:25,764 --> 00:02:28,316
A lot of people with CP don't walk,

58
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:31,253
but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

59
00:02:31,658 --> 00:02:33,448
My father's mantra was,

60
00:02:33,472 --> 00:02:36,528
"You can do it, yes you can can."

61
00:02:36,552 --> 00:02:40,067
(Laughter)

62
00:02:40,091 --> 00:02:43,119
So, if my three older sisters
were mopping,

63
00:02:43,143 --> 00:02:44,310
I was mopping.

64
00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:47,143
If my three older sisters
went to public school,

65
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,160
my parents would sue the school system

66
00:02:49,184 --> 00:02:51,407
and guarantee that I went too,

67
00:02:51,431 --> 00:02:53,197
and if we didn't all get A's,

68
00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:55,349
we all got my mother's slipper.

69
00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:58,153
(Laughter)

70
00:02:58,177 --> 00:03:01,078
My father taught me how to walk
when I was five years old

71
00:03:01,102 --> 00:03:03,387
by placing my heels on his feet

72
00:03:03,411 --> 00:03:04,721
and just walking.

73
00:03:05,364 --> 00:03:07,043
Another tactic that he used

74
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,966
is he would dangle
a dollar bill in front of me

75
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,687
and have me chase it.

76
00:03:11,711 --> 00:03:14,035
(Laughter)

77
00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:16,797
My inner stripper was very strong.

78
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,410
(Laughter)

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00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:19,463
Yeah.

80
00:03:19,987 --> 00:03:21,780
No, by the first day of kindergarten,

81
00:03:21,804 --> 00:03:23,082
I was walking like a champ

82
00:03:23,106 --> 00:03:25,463
who had been punched one too many times.

83
00:03:25,487 --> 00:03:26,876
(Laughter)

84
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:30,396
Growing up, there were
only six Arabs in my town,

85
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:31,772
and they were all my family.

86
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:32,820
(Laughter)

87
00:03:32,844 --> 00:03:34,927
Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

88
00:03:34,951 --> 00:03:36,769
and they are still all my family.

89
00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:37,826
(Laughter)

90
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,555
I don't think anyone
even noticed we weren't Italian.

91
00:03:40,579 --> 00:03:44,550
(Laughter)

92
00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:48,287
(Applause)

93
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,002
This was before 9/11

94
00:03:50,026 --> 00:03:53,018
and before politicians
thought it was appropriate

95
00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:56,477
to use "I hate Muslims"
as a campaign slogan.

96
00:03:57,096 --> 00:04:00,287
The people that I grew up with
had no problem with my faith.

97
00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:02,731
They did, however, seem very concerned

98
00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:05,411
that I would starve
to death during Ramadan.

99
00:04:05,435 --> 00:04:07,586
I would explain to them
that I have enough fat

100
00:04:07,610 --> 00:04:09,602
to live off of for three whole months,

101
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:12,972
so fasting from sunrise
to sunset is a piece of cake.

102
00:04:12,996 --> 00:04:13,996
(Laughter)

103
00:04:14,486 --> 00:04:16,665
I have tap-danced on Broadway.

104
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,566
Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.

105
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:20,669
(Applause)

106
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:22,811
My parents couldn't
afford physical therapy,

107
00:04:22,835 --> 00:04:25,378
so they sent me to dancing school.

108
00:04:25,402 --> 00:04:27,048
I learned how to dance in heels,

109
00:04:27,072 --> 00:04:28,990
which means I can walk in heels.

110
00:04:29,014 --> 00:04:30,151
And I'm from Jersey,

111
00:04:30,175 --> 00:04:33,188
and we are really concerned
with being chic,

112
00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:36,487
so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

113
00:04:36,511 --> 00:04:39,505
And when my friends went
and spent their summer vacations

114
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,317
on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

115
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:44,555
I spent my summers in a war zone,

116
00:04:44,579 --> 00:04:46,626
because my parents were afraid

117
00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:50,524
that if we didn't go back to Palestine
every single summer,

118
00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:52,559
we'd grow up to be Madonna.

119
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:57,960
(Laughter)

120
00:04:57,984 --> 00:05:03,049
Summer vacations often consisted
of my father trying to heal me,

121
00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:04,846
so I drank deer's milk,

122
00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:06,888
I had hot cups on my back,

123
00:05:06,912 --> 00:05:08,873
I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

124
00:05:08,897 --> 00:05:11,482
and I remember the water burning my eyes

125
00:05:11,506 --> 00:05:13,971
and thinking, "It's working!
It's working!"

126
00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:17,272
(Laughter)

127
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:20,208
But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

128
00:05:20,716 --> 00:05:23,971
I have to tell you, it's very boring,

129
00:05:23,995 --> 00:05:25,450
but before I did yoga,

130
00:05:25,474 --> 00:05:28,121
I was a stand-up comedian
who can't stand up.

131
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,180
And now I can stand on my head.

132
00:05:31,737 --> 00:05:36,478
My parents reinforced this notion

133
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,191
that I could do anything,

134
00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:41,206
that no dream was impossible,

135
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,785
and my dream was to be

136
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,818
on the daytime soap opera
"General Hospital."

137
00:05:45,842 --> 00:05:47,024
(Laughter)

138
00:05:47,048 --> 00:05:49,475
I went to college
during affirmative action

139
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,505
and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

140
00:05:51,529 --> 00:05:53,650
Arizona State University,

141
00:05:53,674 --> 00:05:56,142
because I fit every single quota.

142
00:05:56,166 --> 00:05:57,189
(Laughter)

143
00:05:57,213 --> 00:06:01,382
I was like the pet lemur
of the theater department.

144
00:06:01,406 --> 00:06:02,929
Everybody loved me.

145
00:06:02,953 --> 00:06:06,042
I did all the less-than-intelligent
kids' homework,

146
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,662
I got A's in all of my classes,

147
00:06:07,686 --> 00:06:09,563
A's in all of their classes.

148
00:06:09,587 --> 00:06:11,114
(Laughter)

149
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,247
Every time I did a scene
from "The Glass Menagerie,"

150
00:06:14,271 --> 00:06:16,665
my professors would weep.

151
00:06:16,689 --> 00:06:18,913
But I never got cast.

152
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:20,928
Finally, my senior year,

153
00:06:20,952 --> 00:06:24,862
ASU decided to do a show called
"They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

154
00:06:24,886 --> 00:06:27,656
It's a play about a girl with CP.

155
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,721
I was a girl with CP.

156
00:06:29,745 --> 00:06:32,604
So I start shouting from the rooftops,

157
00:06:32,628 --> 00:06:34,531
"I'm finally going to get a part!

158
00:06:34,555 --> 00:06:36,364
I have cerebral palsy!

159
00:06:36,388 --> 00:06:38,541
Free at last! Free at last!

160
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,932
Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

161
00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:42,960
I didn't get the part.

162
00:06:42,984 --> 00:06:45,419
(Laughter)

163
00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:47,562
Sherry Brown got the part.

164
00:06:48,022 --> 00:06:50,551
I went racing to the head
of the theater department

165
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:53,020
crying hysterically,
like someone shot my cat,

166
00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:54,145
to ask her why,

167
00:06:54,169 --> 00:06:58,314
and she said it was because
they didn't think I could do the stunts.

168
00:06:58,762 --> 00:07:01,459
I said, "Excuse me,
if I can't do the stunts,

169
00:07:01,483 --> 00:07:03,040
neither can the character."

170
00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:07,208
(Laughter)

171
00:07:07,232 --> 00:07:10,952
(Applause)

172
00:07:10,976 --> 00:07:15,980
This was a part
that I was literally born to play

173
00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:20,263
they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

174
00:07:21,045 --> 00:07:22,942
College was imitating life.

175
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,378
Hollywood has a sordid history

176
00:07:25,402 --> 00:07:29,395
of casting able-bodied actors
to play disabled onscreen.

177
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,799
Upon graduating, I moved back home,

178
00:07:32,823 --> 00:07:37,296
and my first acting gig
was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

179
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,116
My dream was coming true.

180
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:41,506
And I knew that I would be promoted

181
00:07:41,530 --> 00:07:45,029
from "Diner Diner"
to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.

182
00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:46,311
(Laughter)

183
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:48,962
But instead, I remained
a glorified piece of furniture

184
00:07:48,986 --> 00:07:51,565
that you could only recognize
from the back of my head,

185
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,164
and it became clear to me

186
00:07:53,188 --> 00:07:55,083
that casting directors

187
00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:59,065
didn't hire fluffy,
ethnic, disabled actors.

188
00:07:59,089 --> 00:08:01,113
They only hired perfect people.

189
00:08:01,462 --> 00:08:03,452
But there were exceptions to the rule.

190
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,959
I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

191
00:08:05,983 --> 00:08:07,895
Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

192
00:08:07,919 --> 00:08:10,430
and all of these women
had one thing in common:

193
00:08:10,454 --> 00:08:11,692
they were comedians.

194
00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:13,542
So I became a comic.

195
00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:16,821
(Laughter)

196
00:08:16,845 --> 00:08:19,834
(Applause)

197
00:08:19,858 --> 00:08:23,511
My first gig was driving famous comics

198
00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:26,090
from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

199
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:29,575
and I'll never forget the face
of the first comic I ever drove

200
00:08:29,599 --> 00:08:33,539
when he realized that he was speeding
down the New Jersey Turnpike

201
00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:35,736
with a chick with CP driving him.

202
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:36,761
(Laughter)

203
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:39,330
I've performed in clubs all over America,

204
00:08:39,354 --> 00:08:42,882
and I've also performed
in Arabic in the Middle East,

205
00:08:42,906 --> 00:08:45,453
uncensored and uncovered.

206
00:08:45,477 --> 00:08:46,525
(Laughter)

207
00:08:46,549 --> 00:08:50,266
Some people say I'm the first
stand-up comic in the Arab world.

208
00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:52,447
I never like to claim first,

209
00:08:52,471 --> 00:08:54,763
but I do know that they never heard

210
00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:58,653
that nasty little rumor
that women aren't funny,

211
00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,464
and they find us hysterical.

212
00:09:00,488 --> 00:09:01,939
(Laughter)

213
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:07,570
In 2003, my brother
from another mother and father

214
00:09:07,594 --> 00:09:09,728
Dean Obeidallah and I started

215
00:09:09,752 --> 00:09:12,096
the New York Arab-American
Comedy Festival,

216
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,070
now in its 10th year.

217
00:09:14,094 --> 00:09:19,539
Our goal was to change the negative image
of Arab-Americans in media,

218
00:09:19,563 --> 00:09:22,341
while also reminding casting directors

219
00:09:22,365 --> 00:09:25,106
that South Asian and Arab
are not synonymous.

220
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:28,135
(Laughter)

221
00:09:28,159 --> 00:09:34,055
Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

222
00:09:34,079 --> 00:09:38,436
than conquering the challenge
against the stigma against disability.

223
00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,172
My big break came in 2010.

224
00:09:41,196 --> 00:09:44,086
I was invited to be a guest
on the cable news show

225
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:46,418
"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

226
00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:49,420
I walked in looking
like I was going to the prom,

227
00:09:49,444 --> 00:09:51,554
and they shuffle me into a studio

228
00:09:51,578 --> 00:09:55,590
and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.

229
00:09:55,614 --> 00:09:57,134
(Laughter)

230
00:09:57,158 --> 00:09:58,984
So I looked at the stage manager

231
00:09:59,008 --> 00:10:02,312
and I'm like, "Excuse me,
can I have another chair?"

232
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:04,038
And she looked at me and she went,

233
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:06,783
"Five, four, three, two ..."

234
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,577
And we were live, right?

235
00:10:08,601 --> 00:10:10,945
So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

236
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:14,734
so that I wouldn't roll off
the screen during the segment,

237
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,593
and when the interview
was over, I was livid.

238
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,759
I had finally gotten
my chance and I blew it,

239
00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:22,480
and I knew I would never get invited back.

240
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:25,972
But not only did Mr. Olbermann
invite me back,

241
00:10:25,996 --> 00:10:28,298
he made me a full-time contributor,

242
00:10:28,322 --> 00:10:31,023
and he taped down my chair.

243
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,714
(Laughter)

244
00:10:33,738 --> 00:10:36,979
(Applause)

245
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,696
One fun fact I learned while on the air
with Keith Olbermann

246
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,709
was that humans
on the Internet are scumbags.

247
00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:45,734
(Laughter)

248
00:10:45,758 --> 00:10:47,322
People say children are cruel,

249
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,266
but I was never made fun of
as a child or an adult.

250
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:53,961
Suddenly, my disability
on the world wide web is fair game.

251
00:10:53,985 --> 00:10:57,582
I would look at clips online
and see comments like,

252
00:10:57,606 --> 00:11:00,242
"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"

253
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:02,544
"Yo, is she retarded?"

254
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:05,758
And my favorite,
"Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

255
00:11:05,782 --> 00:11:07,580
What does she suffer from?

256
00:11:07,604 --> 00:11:09,302
We should really pray for her."

257
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:15,660
One commenter even suggested
that I add my disability to my credits:

258
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:18,017
screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

259
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,620
Disability is as visual as race.

260
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,480
If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

261
00:11:26,504 --> 00:11:29,353
then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

262
00:11:29,702 --> 00:11:31,765
The disabled are the largest —

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Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.

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(Applause)

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People with disabilities
are the largest minority in the world,

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and we are the most underrepresented
in entertainment.

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The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

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but I am here in front of you.

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However, if I grew up with social media,

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I don't think I would be.

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I hope that together,

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we can create more positive images

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of disability in the media
and in everyday life.

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Perhaps if there were
more positive images,

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it would foster less hate on the Internet.

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Or maybe not.

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Maybe it still takes a village
to teach our children well.

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My crooked journey has taken me
to some very spectacular places.

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I got to walk the red carpet

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flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

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and the iconic Loreen Arbus.

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I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

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and work with my idol,
the amazing Dave Matthews.

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I toured the world as a headliner
on Arabs Gone Wild.

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I was a delegate representing
the great state of New Jersey

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at the 2008 DNC.

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And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

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a charity that hopes
to give Palestinian refugee children

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a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

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But the one moment
that stands out the most

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was when I got -- before this moment --

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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But the one moment
that stands out the most

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was when I got to perform

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for the man who floats like a butterfly

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and stings like a bee,

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has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

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Muhammad Ali.

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(Applause)

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(Applause ends)

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It was the only time
that my father ever saw me perform live,

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and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

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(Arabic) May Allah have mercy
on your soul, Daddy.

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(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,

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and if I can can, you can can.

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(Cheering)

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(Applause)