[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.76,0:00:02.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.79,0:00:04.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.08,0:00:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.36,0:00:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.63,0:00:09.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.85,0:00:11.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.100,0:00:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am not drunk,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.00,0:00:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the doctor who delivered me was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.62,0:00:20.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cut my mom six different times
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.51,0:00:23.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in six different directions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.32,0:00:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffocating poor little me in the process.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.73,0:00:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a result, I have cerebral palsy,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.34,0:00:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I shake all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.21,0:00:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.05,0:00:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.46,0:00:39.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meets Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.24,0:00:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.24,0:00:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,C.P. is not genetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.23,0:00:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.02,0:00:50.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.44,0:00:53.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't get it because\Nmy parents are first cousins,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.67,0:00:55.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.17,0:00:59.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.24,0:01:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It only happens from accidents,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.60,0:01:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like what happened to me on my birth day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.31,0:01:09.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.43,0:01:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't want anyone in this room
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.90,0:01:13.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to feel bad for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.47,0:01:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because at some point in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.50,0:01:18.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have dreamt of being disabled.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.85,0:01:20.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on a journey with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.75,0:01:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.96,0:01:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're driving around in circles looking for parking,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.39,0:01:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.29,0:01:33.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.88,0:01:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're like, "God, can't I just be
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.29,0:01:38.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little disabled?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.01,0:01:43.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.20,0:01:44.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, I gotta tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.73,0:01:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.47,0:01:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there was an Oppression Olympics,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.35,0:01:54.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would win the gold medal.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.11,0:01:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.29,0:02:01.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I live in New Jersey.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.51,0:02:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.60,0:02:11.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't feel better about\Nyourself, maybe you should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.37,0:02:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.98,0:02:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have always loved the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.57,0:02:18.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my hood and my affliction
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.61,0:02:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,share the same initials.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.61,0:02:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.93,0:02:25.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from my house to New York City, I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.46,0:02:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people with C.P. don't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.34,0:02:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but my parents didn't believe in "can't."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.46,0:02:33.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father's mantra was,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.47,0:02:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You can do it, yes you can can."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.76,0:02:39.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.100,0:02:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if my three older sisters were mopping,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.02,0:02:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was mopping.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.13,0:02:46.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If my three older sisters went to public school,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.89,0:02:49.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my parents would sue the school system
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.18,0:02:51.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and guarantee that I went too,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.23,0:02:53.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we didn't all get A's,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.22,0:02:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all got my mother's slipper.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.37,0:02:57.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.97,0:03:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father taught me how to walk\Nwhen I was five years old
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.95,0:03:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by placing my heels on his feet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.30,0:03:05.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just walking.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.13,0:03:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another tactic that he used is he would dangle
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.82,0:03:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.12,0:03:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.94,0:03:16.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My inner stripper was very strong, and by --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.82,0:03:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.43,0:03:21.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.48,0:03:22.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was walking like a champ
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.99,0:03:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had been punched one too many times.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.75,0:03:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.25,0:03:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they were all my family.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.57,0:03:34.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there are 20 Arabs in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.77,0:03:37.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are still all my family. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.58,0:03:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.58,0:03:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.08,0:03:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was before 9/11 and before politicians
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.04,0:03:54.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Moslems"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.97,0:03:56.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a campaign slogan.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.100,0:04:00.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The people that I grew up with\Nhad no problem with my faith.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.12,0:04:02.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They did, however, seem very concerned
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.53,0:04:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I would starve to death during Ramadan.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.26,0:04:07.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would explain to them that I have enough fat
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.40,0:04:09.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live off of for three whole months,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.45,0:04:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.35,0:04:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have tap-danced on Broadway.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.15,0:04:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.61,0:04:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.52,0:04:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they sent me to dancing school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.40,0:04:27.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned how to dance in heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.07,0:04:28.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I can walk in heels.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.78,0:04:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm from Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.18,0:04:32.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are really concerned with being chic,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.91,0:04:36.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so if my friends wore heels, so did I.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.51,0:04:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when my friends went and\Nspent their summer vacations
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.53,0:04:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the Jersey Shore, I did not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.34,0:04:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent my summers in a war zone,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.58,0:04:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because my parents were afraid
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.65,0:04:48.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we didn't go back to Palestine
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.84,0:04:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every single summer,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.55,0:04:52.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'd grow up to be Madonna.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.59,0:04:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.98,0:05:01.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Summer vacations often consisted of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.09,0:05:02.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my father trying to heal me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.88,0:05:04.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I drank deer's milk,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.87,0:05:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had hot cups on my back,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.91,0:05:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was dunked in the Dead Sea,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.90,0:05:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I remember the water burning my eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.51,0:05:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.30,0:05:17.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.30,0:05:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.63,0:05:23.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to tell you, it's very boring,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.100,0:05:25.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before I did yoga,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.47,0:05:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.46,0:05:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I can stand on my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.74,0:05:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents reinforced this notion
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.50,0:05:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I could do anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.22,0:05:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that no dream was impossible,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.23,0:05:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my dream was to be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.81,0:05:46.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.92,0:05:49.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to college during affirmative action
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.32,0:05:51.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.53,0:05:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Arizona State University,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.57,0:05:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I fit every single quota.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.78,0:06:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.26,0:06:02.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody loved me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.78,0:06:06.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.07,0:06:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got A's in all of my classes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.69,0:06:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A's in all of their classes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.97,0:06:12.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every time I did a scene
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.91,0:06:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from "The Glass Menagerie,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.27,0:06:16.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my professors would weep.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.69,0:06:19.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I never got cast.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.13,0:06:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, my senior year,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.81,0:06:22.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ASU decided to do a show called
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.68,0:06:24.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.89,0:06:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a play about a girl with C.P.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a girl with C.P.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.74,0:06:32.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I start shouting from the rooftops,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.63,0:06:34.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm finally going to get a part!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.56,0:06:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have cerebral palsy!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.28,0:06:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Free at last! Free at last!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.56,0:06:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.51,0:06:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't get the part. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.29,0:06:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sherry Brown got the part.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.80,0:06:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went racing to the head of the theater department
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.34,0:06:52.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.93,0:06:54.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ask her why,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.17,0:06:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she said it was because
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.76,0:06:58.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they didn't think I could do the stunts.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.52,0:07:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.48,0:07:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neither can the character."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.23,0:07:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.98,0:07:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a part that I was literally born to play
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.00,0:07:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.83,0:07:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,College was imitating life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.25,0:07:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hollywood has a sordid history
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.40,0:07:27.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of casting able-bodied actors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.38,0:07:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to play disabled onscreen.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.01,0:07:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Upon graduating, I moved back home,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.56,0:07:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my first acting gig was
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.68,0:07:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an extra on a daytime soap opera.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.32,0:07:39.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dream was coming true.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.14,0:07:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew that I would be promoted
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.36,0:07:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.02,0:07:48.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.76,0:07:51.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you could only recognize\Nfrom the back of my head,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.47,0:07:53.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it became clear to me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.19,0:07:55.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.11,0:07:59.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.09,0:08:01.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They only hired perfect people.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.33,0:08:03.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there were exceptions to the rule.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.81,0:08:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.98,0:08:07.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roseanne Barr, Ellen,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.92,0:08:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of these women had one thing in common:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.45,0:08:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were comedians.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.72,0:08:14.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I became a comic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.21,0:08:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.86,0:08:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first gig was driving famous comics
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.54,0:08:26.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from New York City to shows in New Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.11,0:08:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll never forget the face of the first comic
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.49,0:08:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ever drove when he realized
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.51,0:08:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.56,0:08:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a chick with C.P. driving him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.65,0:08:39.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've performed in clubs all over America,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.35,0:08:42.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.70,0:08:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uncensored and uncovered.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.36,0:08:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people say I'm the first
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.33,0:08:50.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stand-up comic in the Arab world.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.29,0:08:52.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never like to claim first,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.47,0:08:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do know that they never heard
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.79,0:08:58.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.54,0:09:03.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they find us hysterical.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.34,0:09:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2003, my brother from another mother and father
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.59,0:09:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dean Obeidallah and I started
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.75,0:09:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.12,0:09:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now in its 10th year.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.84,0:09:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our goal was to change the negative image
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.48,0:09:19.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of Arab-Americans in media,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.56,0:09:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while also reminding casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.03,0:09:25.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.13,0:09:28.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.09,0:09:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.80,0:09:35.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than conquering the challenge
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.87,0:09:38.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against the stigma against disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.75,0:09:41.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My big break came in 2010.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.05,0:09:42.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was invited to be a guest
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.74,0:09:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the cable news show
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.11,0:09:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Countdown With Keith Olbermann."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.36,0:09:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.44,0:09:51.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they shuffle me into a studio
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.58,0:09:56.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.100,0:09:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.62,0:10:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Excuse me, can I have another chair?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.34,0:10:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she looked at me and she went,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.96,0:10:06.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Five, four, three, two ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.81,0:10:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were live, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.60,0:10:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.97,0:10:14.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that I wouldn't roll off the \Nscreen during the segment,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.76,0:10:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when the interview was over, I was livid.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.62,0:10:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.60,0:10:22.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew I would never get invited back.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.82,0:10:25.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.100,0:10:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he made me a full-time contributor,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.08,0:10:31.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he taped down my chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.50,0:10:35.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.00,0:10:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One fun fact I learned while on the air
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.06,0:10:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with Keith Olbermann
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.72,0:10:44.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.73,0:10:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People say children are cruel,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.96,0:10:50.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.29,0:10:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly, my disability on the \Nworld wide web is fair game.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.98,0:10:55.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would look at clips online
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.100,0:10:57.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and see comments like,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.61,0:11:00.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, why's she tweakin?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.20,0:11:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, is she retarded?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.41,0:11:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.78,0:11:07.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does she suffer from?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.46,0:11:11.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should really pray for her."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.07,0:11:12.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One commenter even suggested
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.90,0:11:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I add my disability to my credits:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.68,0:11:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,screenwriter, comedian, palsy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.59,0:11:23.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disability is as visual as race.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.92,0:11:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.50,0:11:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.54,0:11:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The disabled are the largest —
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.58,0:11:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, clap for that, man. C'mon.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.59,0:11:37.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.36,0:11:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People with disabilities are the largest minority
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.83,0:11:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the world, and we are the most underrepresented
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.76,0:11:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in entertainment.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.93,0:11:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.15,0:11:51.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am here in front of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.94,0:11:54.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, if I grew up with social media,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.13,0:11:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I would be.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.10,0:11:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that together
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.58,0:12:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can create more positive images
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.15,0:12:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of disability in the media and in everyday life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.70,0:12:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps if there were more positive images,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.08,0:12:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would foster less hate on the Internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.69,0:12:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe not.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.28,0:12:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it still takes a village
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.30,0:12:16.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to teach our children well.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.46,0:12:18.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My crooked journey has taken me
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.29,0:12:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to some very spectacular places.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.49,0:12:23.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to walk the red carpet
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.47,0:12:26.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.03,0:12:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the iconic Lorraine Arbus.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.31,0:12:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.97,0:12:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and work with my idol,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.51,0:12:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the amazing Dave Matthews.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.98,0:12:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I toured the world as a headliner
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.90,0:12:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on Arabs Gone Wild.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.53,0:12:41.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a delegate
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.41,0:12:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,representing the great state of New Jersey
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.23,0:12:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the 2008 DNC.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.35,0:12:48.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I founded Maysoon's Kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.99,0:12:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a charity that hopes
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.69,0:12:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give Palestinian refugee children
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.90,0:12:55.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.97,0:12:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the one moment that stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.43,0:13:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got -- before this moment --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.96,0:13:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause) —
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.43,0:13:11.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the one moment that stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.88,0:13:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got to perform
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.92,0:13:16.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the man who floats like a butterfly
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.23,0:13:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stings like a bee,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.60,0:13:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.10,0:13:23.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.36,0:13:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.47,0:13:33.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the only time
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.28,0:13:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my father ever saw me perform live,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.95,0:13:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I dedicate this talk to his memory.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.21,0:13:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(In Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.38,0:13:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.23,0:13:47.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if I can can, you can can.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.24,0:13:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)