[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.93,0:00:02.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TED Women, what's up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.97,0:00:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.10,0:00:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.41,0:00:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TED Women, what is up?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.83,0:00:10.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.02,0:00:12.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.17,0:00:14.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am not drunk,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.11,0:00:16.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the doctor who delivered me was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.65,0:00:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cut my mom six different times
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.26,0:00:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in six different directions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.33,0:00:25.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffocating poor little me in the process.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.93,0:00:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a result, I have cerebral palsy,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.46,0:00:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I shake all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.38,0:00:34.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.19,0:00:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.40,0:00:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,meets Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.38,0:00:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.98,0:00:44.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,C.P. is not genetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.37,0:00:47.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.10,0:00:50.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.53,0:00:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't get it because\Nmy parents are first cousins,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.52,0:00:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.48,0:00:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.46,0:01:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It only happens from accidents,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.70,0:01:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like what happened to me on my birthday.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.40,0:01:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.65,0:01:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't want anyone in this room
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.95,0:01:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to feel bad for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.54,0:01:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because at some point in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.66,0:01:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have dreamt of being disabled.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.99,0:01:20.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on a journey with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.87,0:01:23.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.87,0:01:27.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're driving around in circles looking for parking,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.53,0:01:29.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.48,0:01:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.67,0:01:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're like, "God, can't I just be
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.40,0:01:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little disabled?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.16,0:01:43.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.14,0:01:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, I gotta tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.96,0:01:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.67,0:01:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there was an oppression Olympics,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.44,0:01:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would win the gold medal.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.25,0:01:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.52,0:02:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I live in New Jersey.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.72,0:02:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.82,0:02:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't feel better about\Nyourself, maybe you should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.36,0:02:13.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliffside Park, New Jersey, is my hometown.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.99,0:02:16.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have always loved the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.53,0:02:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my hood and my affliction
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.66,0:02:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,share the same initials.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.76,0:02:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.28,0:02:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from my house to New York City, I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.51,0:02:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people with C.P. don't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.48,0:02:31.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but my parents didn't believe in "can't."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.56,0:02:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father's mantra was,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.49,0:02:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You can do it, yes you can can."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.93,0:02:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.08,0:02:43.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if my three older sisters were mopping,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.09,0:02:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was mopping.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.36,0:02:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If my three older sisters went to public school,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.02,0:02:49.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my parents would sue the school system
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.31,0:02:51.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and guarantee that I went too,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.43,0:02:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we didn't all get As,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.24,0:02:55.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all got my mother's slipper.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.64,0:02:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.17,0:03:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father taught me how I walk\Nwhen I was five years old
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.92,0:03:03.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by placing my heels on his feet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.53,0:03:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just walking.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.19,0:03:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another tactic that he used is he would dangle
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.96,0:03:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.28,0:03:14.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.15,0:03:16.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My inner stripper was very strong, and by
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.67,0:03:18.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,—(Laughter)—
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.63,0:03:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.68,0:03:23.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was walking like a champ
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.17,0:03:26.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had been punched one too many times.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.89,0:03:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.92,0:03:32.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they were all my family.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.77,0:03:34.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there are 20 Arabs in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.90,0:03:37.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are still all my family. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.74,0:03:40.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.89,0:03:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.33,0:03:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was before 9/11 and before politicians
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.21,0:03:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thought it was appropriate to use "I Hate Moslems"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.99,0:03:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a campaign slogan.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.17,0:04:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The people that I grew up with\Nhad no problem with my faith.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.22,0:04:02.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they did, however, seem very concerned
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.67,0:04:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I would starve to death during Ramadan.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.48,0:04:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would explain to them that I have enough fat
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.57,0:04:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live off of for three whole months,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.56,0:04:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.37,0:04:17.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have tap-danced on Broadway.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.23,0:04:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.29,0:04:22.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.77,0:04:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they sent me to dancing school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.51,0:04:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned how to dance in heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.16,0:04:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I can walk in heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.96,0:04:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm from Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.45,0:04:32.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are really concerned with being chic,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.89,0:04:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so if my friends wore heels, so did I.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.77,0:04:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when my friends went and\Nspent their summer vacations
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.62,0:04:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the Jersey Shore, I did not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.37,0:04:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent my summers in a war zone,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.72,0:04:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because my parents were afraid
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.02,0:04:48.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we didn't go back to Palestine
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.95,0:04:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every single summer,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.69,0:04:52.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'd grow up to be Madonna.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.73,0:04:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.62,0:05:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Summer vacations often consisted of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.10,0:05:03.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my father trying to heal me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.05,0:05:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I drank deer's milk,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.12,0:05:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had hot cups on my back,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.91,0:05:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was dunked in the Dead Sea,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.94,0:05:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I remember the water burning my eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.57,0:05:14.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.53,0:05:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.50,0:05:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.49,0:05:23.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to tell you, it's very boring,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.89,0:05:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before I did yoga,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.74,0:05:28.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.77,0:05:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I can stand on my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.98,0:05:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents reinforced this notion
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.46,0:05:39.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I could do anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.37,0:05:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that no dream was impossible,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.40,0:05:42.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my dream was to be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.99,0:05:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.02,0:05:49.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to college during affirmative action
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.27,0:05:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.79,0:05:53.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Arizona State University,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.51,0:05:56.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I fit every single quota.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.59,0:06:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.32,0:06:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody loved me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.00,0:06:06.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.02,0:06:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got A's in all of my classes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.99,0:06:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A's in all of their classes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.22,0:06:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every time I did a scene
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.02,0:06:14.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from "The Glass Menagerie,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.60,0:06:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my professors would weep.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.80,0:06:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I never got cast.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.14,0:06:20.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, my senior year,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.99,0:06:22.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ASU decided to do a show called
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.83,0:06:24.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"They Dance Real Slow In Jackson."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.89,0:06:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a play about a girl with C.P.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a girl with C.P.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I start shouting from the rooftops,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.57,0:06:34.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm finally going to get a part!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.45,0:06:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have cerebral palsy!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.26,0:06:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Free at last! Free at last!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.52,0:06:41.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.65,0:06:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't get the part. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.40,0:06:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sherry Brown got the part.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.07,0:06:50.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went racing to the head of the theater department
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.56,0:06:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.94,0:06:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ask her why,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.40,0:06:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she said it was because
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.89,0:06:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they didn't think I could do the stunts.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.72,0:07:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.61,0:07:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neither can the character."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.43,0:07:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.18,0:07:16.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a part that I was literally born to play
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.02,0:07:21.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.07,0:07:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,College was imitating life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.16,0:07:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hollywood has a sordid history
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.28,0:07:27.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of casting able-bodied actors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.46,0:07:30.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to play disabled onscreen.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.13,0:07:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Upon graduating, I moved back home,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.73,0:07:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my first acting gig was
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.83,0:07:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an extra on a daytime soap opera.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.37,0:07:39.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dream was coming true.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.26,0:07:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew that I would be promoted
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.58,0:07:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.28,0:07:48.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.86,0:07:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you could only recognize\Nfrom the back of my head,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.51,0:07:53.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it became clear to me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.30,0:07:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.04,0:07:59.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't hire fluffy ethnic disabled actors.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.05,0:08:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They only hired perfect people.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.30,0:08:03.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there were exceptions to the rule.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.90,0:08:05.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.95,0:08:08.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roseanne Barr, Ellen,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.02,0:08:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of these women had one thing in common:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.55,0:08:12.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were comedians.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.02,0:08:14.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I became a comic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.47,0:08:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.05,0:08:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first gig was driving famous comics
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.41,0:08:26.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from New York City to shows in New Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.27,0:08:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll never forget the face of the first comic
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.44,0:08:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ever drove when I realized
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.56,0:08:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.40,0:08:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a chick with C.P. driving.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.64,0:08:39.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've performed in clubs all over America,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.36,0:08:42.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.87,0:08:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uncensored and uncovered.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.56,0:08:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people say I'm the first
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.45,0:08:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stand-up comic in the Arab World.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.51,0:08:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never like to claim first,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.40,0:08:54.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do know that they never heard
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.88,0:08:58.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.63,0:09:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they find us hysterical.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.35,0:09:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2003, my brother from another mother and father
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.67,0:09:09.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dean Obeidallah and I started
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.91,0:09:12.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the New York Arab American Comedy Festival,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.26,0:09:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now in its 10th year.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.100,0:09:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our goal was to change the negative image
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.60,0:09:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of Arab-Americans in media,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.58,0:09:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while also reminding casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.14,0:09:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.32,0:09:28.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.23,0:09:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.64,0:09:35.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than conquering the challenge
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.78,0:09:38.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against the stigma against disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.95,0:09:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My big break came in 2010.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.17,0:09:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was invited to be a guest
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.86,0:09:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the cable news show
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.28,0:09:46.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Countdown With Keith Olbermann."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.42,0:09:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.55,0:09:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they shuffle me into a studio
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.66,0:09:56.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and seat me on a spinning rolling chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.94,0:09:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.48,0:10:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Excuse me, can I have another chair?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.24,0:10:03.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she looked at me and she went,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.74,0:10:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Five, four, three, two..."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.78,0:10:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were live, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.62,0:10:11.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.06,0:10:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I wouldn't roll of the screen during the segment,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.54,0:10:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when the interview was over, I was livid.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.48,0:10:19.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.63,0:10:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew I would never get invited back.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.90,0:10:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.81,0:10:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he made me a full-time contributor,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.14,0:10:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he taped down my chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.08,0:10:35.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.20,0:10:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One fun fact I learned while on the air
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.28,0:10:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with Keith Olbermann
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.98,0:10:45.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that humans on the internet are scumbags.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.58,0:10:47.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People say children are cruel,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.07,0:10:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.31,0:10:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly, my disability on the World Wide Web
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.60,0:10:54.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is fair game.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.12,0:10:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would look at clips online
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.03,0:10:57.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and see comments like,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.71,0:11:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, why's she tweakin?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.24,0:11:02.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, is she retarded?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.51,0:11:05.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.89,0:11:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does she suffer from?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.63,0:11:11.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should really pray for her."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.18,0:11:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One commenter even suggested
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.00,0:11:15.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I add my disability to my credits:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.72,0:11:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,screenwriter, comedian, palsy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.35,0:11:23.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disability is as visual as race.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.80,0:11:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.28,0:11:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.65,0:11:31.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The disabled are the largest—
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.86,0:11:34.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, clap for them, man. C'mon.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.01,0:11:37.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.59,0:11:41.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People with disabilities are the largest minority
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.61,0:11:44.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the world, and we are the most underrepresented
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.82,0:11:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in entertainment.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.98,0:11:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.28,0:11:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am here in front of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.08,0:11:54.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, if I grew up with social media,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.33,0:11:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I would be.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.22,0:11:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that together
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.84,0:12:00.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can create more positive images
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.04,0:12:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of disability in the media and in everyday life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.93,0:12:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps if there were more positive images,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.18,0:12:09.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would foster less hate on the internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.42,0:12:11.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe not.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.46,0:12:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it still takes a village
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.58,0:12:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to teach our children well.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.60,0:12:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My crooked journey has taken me
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.48,0:12:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to some very spectacular places.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.56,0:12:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to walk the red carpet
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.41,0:12:26.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.23,0:12:28.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the iconic Lorraine Arbus.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.33,0:12:31.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.13,0:12:32.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and work with my idol,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.71,0:12:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the amazing Dave Matthews.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.09,0:12:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I toured the world as a headliner
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.90,0:12:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on Arabs Gone Wild.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.70,0:12:41.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a delegate
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.53,0:12:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,representing the great state of New Jersey
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.92,0:12:46.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the 2008 DNC.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.42,0:12:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I founded Maysoon's Kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.88,0:12:50.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a charity that hopes
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.67,0:12:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give Palestinian refugee children
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.94,0:12:56.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.11,0:12:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the one moment that stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.45,0:13:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got, before this moment
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.06,0:13:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,— (Laughter) (Applause) —
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.66,0:13:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the one moment that stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.10,0:13:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got to perform
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.05,0:13:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the man who flies like a butterfly
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.51,0:13:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stings like a bee,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.93,0:13:21.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.01,0:13:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.60,0:13:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.61,0:13:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the only time
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.43,0:13:36.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my father ever saw me perform live,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.10,0:13:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I dedicate this talk to his memory.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.40,0:13:41.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.35,0:13:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.27,0:13:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if I can can, you can can.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.50,0:13:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)