0:00:00.932,0:00:02.971
Hello, TED Women, what's up.

0:00:02.971,0:00:04.097
(Cheers)

0:00:04.097,0:00:05.411
Not good enough.

0:00:05.411,0:00:07.833
Hello, TED Women, what is up?

0:00:07.833,0:00:10.025
(Cheers)

0:00:10.025,0:00:12.169
My name is Maysoon Zayid,

0:00:12.169,0:00:14.110
and I am not drunk,

0:00:14.110,0:00:16.651
but the doctor who delivered me was.

0:00:16.651,0:00:20.262
He cut my mom six different times

0:00:20.262,0:00:23.334
in six different directions,

0:00:23.334,0:00:25.934
suffocating poor little me in the process.

0:00:25.934,0:00:28.464
As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

0:00:28.464,0:00:31.376
which means I shake all the time.

0:00:31.376,0:00:34.192
Look.

0:00:34.192,0:00:37.400
It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira

0:00:37.400,0:00:39.379
meets Muhammad Ali.

0:00:39.379,0:00:41.976
(Laughter)

0:00:41.976,0:00:44.370
C.P. is not genetic.

0:00:44.370,0:00:47.097
It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.

0:00:47.097,0:00:50.528
No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

0:00:50.528,0:00:53.518
and I didn't get it because[br]my parents are first cousins,

0:00:53.518,0:00:55.480
which they are.

0:00:55.480,0:00:59.457
(Laughter)

0:00:59.457,0:01:01.704
It only happens from accidents,

0:01:01.704,0:01:04.400
like what happened to me on my birthday.

0:01:04.400,0:01:09.650
Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational,

0:01:09.650,0:01:11.953
and I don't want anyone in this room

0:01:11.953,0:01:13.544
to feel bad for me,

0:01:13.544,0:01:15.665
because at some point in your life,

0:01:15.665,0:01:18.988
you have dreamt of being disabled.

0:01:18.988,0:01:20.871
Come on a journey with me.

0:01:20.871,0:01:23.874
It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

0:01:23.874,0:01:27.528
you're driving around in circles looking for parking,

0:01:27.528,0:01:29.478
and what do you see?

0:01:29.478,0:01:34.666
Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

0:01:34.666,0:01:36.401
And you're like, "God, can't I just be

0:01:36.401,0:01:38.161
a little disabled?"

0:01:38.161,0:01:43.140
(Laughter)

0:01:43.140,0:01:44.960
Also, I gotta tell you,

0:01:44.960,0:01:49.668
I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.

0:01:49.668,0:01:52.445
If there was an oppression Olympics,

0:01:52.445,0:01:54.249
I would win the gold medal.

0:01:54.249,0:01:59.520
I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled,

0:01:59.520,0:02:01.723
and I live in New Jersey.

0:02:01.723,0:02:07.821
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:02:07.821,0:02:11.356
If you don't feel better about[br]yourself, maybe you should.

0:02:11.356,0:02:13.992
Cliffside Park, New Jersey, is my hometown.

0:02:13.992,0:02:16.528
I have always loved the fact

0:02:16.528,0:02:18.656
that my hood and my affliction

0:02:18.656,0:02:20.760
share the same initials.

0:02:20.760,0:02:23.283
I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk

0:02:23.283,0:02:25.512
from my house to New York City, I could.

0:02:25.512,0:02:28.481
A lot of people with C.P. don't walk,

0:02:28.481,0:02:31.556
but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

0:02:31.556,0:02:33.489
My father's mantra was,

0:02:33.489,0:02:36.932
"You can do it, yes you can can."

0:02:36.932,0:02:40.083
(Laughter)

0:02:40.083,0:02:43.093
So, if my three older sisters were mopping,

0:02:43.093,0:02:44.364
I was mopping.

0:02:44.364,0:02:47.023
If my three older sisters went to public school,

0:02:47.023,0:02:49.308
my parents would sue the school system

0:02:49.308,0:02:51.427
and guarantee that I went too,

0:02:51.427,0:02:53.238
and if we didn't all get As,

0:02:53.238,0:02:55.635
we all got my mother's slipper.

0:02:55.635,0:02:58.171
(Laughter)

0:02:58.171,0:03:00.924
My father taught me how I walk[br]when I was five years old

0:03:00.924,0:03:03.531
by placing my heels on his feet

0:03:03.531,0:03:05.188
and just walking.

0:03:05.188,0:03:07.957
Another tactic that he used is he would dangle

0:03:07.957,0:03:12.276
a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it.

0:03:12.276,0:03:14.152
(Laughter)

0:03:14.152,0:03:16.669
My inner stripper was very strong, and by

0:03:16.669,0:03:18.634
—(Laughter)—

0:03:18.634,0:03:21.676
Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten,

0:03:21.676,0:03:23.173
I was walking like a champ

0:03:23.173,0:03:26.890
who had been punched one too many times.

0:03:26.890,0:03:29.915
Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,

0:03:29.915,0:03:32.768
and they were all my family.

0:03:32.768,0:03:34.895
Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

0:03:34.895,0:03:37.736
and they are still all my family. (Laughter)

0:03:37.736,0:03:40.887
I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.

0:03:40.887,0:03:45.604
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:03:48.328,0:03:51.207
This was before 9/11 and before politicians

0:03:51.207,0:03:54.990
thought it was appropriate to use "I Hate Moslems"

0:03:54.990,0:03:57.166
as a campaign slogan.

0:03:57.166,0:04:00.219
The people that I grew up with[br]had no problem with my faith.

0:04:00.219,0:04:02.670
they did, however, seem very concerned

0:04:02.670,0:04:05.478
that I would starve to death during Ramadan.

0:04:05.478,0:04:07.567
I would explain to them that I have enough fat

0:04:07.567,0:04:09.558
to live off of for three whole months,

0:04:09.558,0:04:14.366
so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.

0:04:14.366,0:04:17.230
I have tap-danced on Broadway.

0:04:17.230,0:04:20.286
Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause)

0:04:20.286,0:04:22.766
My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,

0:04:22.766,0:04:25.510
so they sent me to dancing school.

0:04:25.510,0:04:27.165
I learned how to dance in heels,

0:04:27.165,0:04:28.960
which means I can walk in heels,

0:04:28.960,0:04:30.454
and I'm from Jersey,

0:04:30.454,0:04:32.894
and we are really concerned with being chic,

0:04:32.894,0:04:36.774
so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

0:04:36.774,0:04:39.624
And when my friends went and[br]spent their summer vacations

0:04:39.624,0:04:42.374
on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

0:04:42.374,0:04:44.718
I spent my summers in a war zone,

0:04:44.718,0:04:47.022
because my parents were afraid

0:04:47.022,0:04:48.950
that if we didn't go back to Palestine

0:04:48.950,0:04:50.688
every single summer,

0:04:50.688,0:04:52.728
we'd grow up to be Madonna.

0:04:52.728,0:04:57.616
(Laughter)

0:04:57.616,0:05:01.097
Summer vacations often consisted of

0:05:01.097,0:05:03.048
my father trying to heal me,

0:05:03.048,0:05:05.117
so I drank deer's milk,

0:05:05.117,0:05:06.912
I had hot cups on my back,

0:05:06.912,0:05:08.944
I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

0:05:08.944,0:05:11.568
and I remember the water burning my eyes

0:05:11.568,0:05:14.528
and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"

0:05:14.528,0:05:17.496
(Laughter)

0:05:17.496,0:05:20.488
But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

0:05:20.488,0:05:23.888
I have to tell you, it's very boring,

0:05:23.888,0:05:25.736
but before I did yoga,

0:05:25.736,0:05:28.767
I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.

0:05:28.767,0:05:31.984
And now I can stand on my head.

0:05:31.984,0:05:36.457
My parents reinforced this notion

0:05:36.457,0:05:39.369
that I could do anything,

0:05:39.369,0:05:41.400
that no dream was impossible,

0:05:41.400,0:05:42.994
and my dream was to be

0:05:42.994,0:05:47.015
on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."

0:05:47.015,0:05:49.272
I went to college during affirmative action

0:05:49.272,0:05:51.792
and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

0:05:51.792,0:05:53.514
Arizona State University,

0:05:53.514,0:05:56.592
because I fit every single quota.

0:05:56.592,0:06:01.320
I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.

0:06:01.320,0:06:03.002
Everybody loved me.

0:06:03.002,0:06:06.016
I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,

0:06:06.016,0:06:07.994
I got A's in all of my classes,

0:06:07.994,0:06:11.221
A's in all of their classes.

0:06:11.221,0:06:13.016
Every time I did a scene

0:06:13.016,0:06:14.595
from "The Glass Menagerie,"

0:06:14.595,0:06:16.798
my professors would weep.

0:06:16.798,0:06:19.144
But I never got cast.

0:06:19.144,0:06:20.992
Finally, my senior year,

0:06:20.992,0:06:22.832
ASU decided to do a show called

0:06:22.832,0:06:24.887
"They Dance Real Slow In Jackson."

0:06:24.887,0:06:27.680
It's a play about a girl with C.P.

0:06:27.680,0:06:29.824
I was a girl with C.P.

0:06:29.824,0:06:32.568
So I start shouting from the rooftops,

0:06:32.568,0:06:34.448
"I'm finally going to get a part!

0:06:34.448,0:06:36.264
I have cerebral palsy!

0:06:36.264,0:06:38.520
Free at last! Free at last!

0:06:38.520,0:06:41.648
Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

0:06:41.648,0:06:45.396
I didn't get the part. (Laughter)

0:06:45.396,0:06:48.072
Sherry Brown got the part.

0:06:48.072,0:06:50.562
I went racing to the head of the theater department

0:06:50.562,0:06:52.944
crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,

0:06:52.944,0:06:54.400
to ask her why,

0:06:54.400,0:06:55.888
and she said it was because

0:06:55.888,0:06:58.725
they didn't think I could do the stunts.

0:06:58.725,0:07:01.608
I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,

0:07:01.608,0:07:03.432
neither can the character."

0:07:03.432,0:07:08.180
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:07:11.176,0:07:16.022
This was a part that I was literally born to play

0:07:16.022,0:07:21.074
and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

0:07:21.074,0:07:23.161
College was imitating life.

0:07:23.161,0:07:25.280
Hollywood has a sordid history

0:07:25.280,0:07:27.464
of casting able-bodied actors

0:07:27.464,0:07:30.131
to play disabled onscreen.

0:07:30.131,0:07:32.728
Upon graduating, I moved back home,

0:07:32.728,0:07:34.834
and my first acting gig was

0:07:34.834,0:07:37.369
as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

0:07:37.369,0:07:39.264
My dream was coming true.

0:07:39.264,0:07:41.578
And I knew that I would be promoted

0:07:41.578,0:07:46.280
from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time.

0:07:46.280,0:07:48.859
But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture

0:07:48.859,0:07:51.506
that you could only recognize[br]from the back of my head,

0:07:51.506,0:07:53.296
and it became clear to me

0:07:53.296,0:07:55.040
that casting directors

0:07:55.040,0:07:59.052
didn't hire fluffy ethnic disabled actors.

0:07:59.052,0:08:01.304
They only hired perfect people.

0:08:01.304,0:08:03.904
But there were exceptions to the rule.

0:08:03.904,0:08:05.953
I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

0:08:05.953,0:08:08.015
Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

0:08:08.015,0:08:10.547
and all of these women had one thing in common:

0:08:10.547,0:08:12.024
they were comedians.

0:08:12.024,0:08:14.472
So I became a comic.

0:08:14.472,0:08:18.747
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:08:20.052,0:08:23.414
My first gig was driving famous comics

0:08:23.414,0:08:26.268
from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

0:08:26.268,0:08:28.443
and I'll never forget the face of the first comic

0:08:28.443,0:08:30.555
I ever drove when I realized

0:08:30.555,0:08:33.395
that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike

0:08:33.395,0:08:36.635
with a chick with C.P. driving.

0:08:36.635,0:08:39.355
I've performed in clubs all over America,

0:08:39.355,0:08:42.871
and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East,

0:08:42.871,0:08:46.558
uncensored and uncovered.

0:08:46.558,0:08:48.453
Some people say I'm the first

0:08:48.453,0:08:50.507
stand-up comic in the Arab World.

0:08:50.507,0:08:52.395
I never like to claim first,

0:08:52.395,0:08:54.881
but I do know that they never heard

0:08:54.881,0:08:58.633
that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny,

0:08:58.633,0:09:03.352
and they find us hysterical.

0:09:03.352,0:09:07.671
In 2003, my brother from another mother and father

0:09:07.671,0:09:09.906
Dean Obeidallah and I started

0:09:09.906,0:09:12.259
the New York Arab American Comedy Festival,

0:09:12.259,0:09:13.995
now in its 10th year.

0:09:13.995,0:09:17.603
Our goal was to change the negative image

0:09:17.603,0:09:19.579
of Arab-Americans in media,

0:09:19.579,0:09:22.140
while also reminding casting directors

0:09:22.140,0:09:25.315
that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.

0:09:25.315,0:09:28.232
(Laughter)

0:09:28.232,0:09:33.636
Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

0:09:33.636,0:09:35.780
than conquering the challenge

0:09:35.780,0:09:38.948
against the stigma against disability.

0:09:38.948,0:09:41.171
My big break came in 2010.

0:09:41.171,0:09:42.859
I was invited to be a guest

0:09:42.859,0:09:44.280
on the cable news show

0:09:44.280,0:09:46.418
"Countdown With Keith Olbermann."

0:09:46.418,0:09:49.552
I walked in looking like I was going to the prom,

0:09:49.552,0:09:51.656
and they shuffle me into a studio

0:09:51.656,0:09:56.938
and seat me on a spinning rolling chair.

0:09:56.938,0:09:59.480
So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like,

0:09:59.480,0:10:02.245
"Excuse me, can I have another chair?"

0:10:02.245,0:10:03.745
And she looked at me and she went,

0:10:03.745,0:10:06.777
"Five, four, three, two..."

0:10:06.777,0:10:08.619
And we were live, right?

0:10:08.619,0:10:11.057
So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

0:10:11.057,0:10:14.543
so I wouldn't roll of the screen during the segment,

0:10:14.543,0:10:17.480
and when the interview was over, I was livid.

0:10:17.480,0:10:19.632
I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it,

0:10:19.632,0:10:22.900
and I knew I would never get invited back.

0:10:22.900,0:10:25.813
But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back,

0:10:25.813,0:10:28.144
he made me a full-time contributor,

0:10:28.144,0:10:31.081
and he taped down my chair.

0:10:31.081,0:10:35.131
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:10:37.204,0:10:39.276
One fun fact I learned while on the air

0:10:39.276,0:10:40.983
with Keith Olbermann

0:10:40.983,0:10:45.583
was that humans on the internet are scumbags.

0:10:45.583,0:10:47.067
People say children are cruel,

0:10:47.067,0:10:50.307
but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult.

0:10:50.307,0:10:52.602
Suddenly, my disability on the World Wide Web

0:10:52.602,0:10:54.124
is fair game.

0:10:54.124,0:10:56.029
I would look at clips online

0:10:56.029,0:10:57.714
and see comments like,

0:10:57.714,0:11:00.244
"Yo, why's she tweakin?"

0:11:00.244,0:11:02.506
"Yo, is she retarded?"

0:11:02.506,0:11:05.890
And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

0:11:05.890,0:11:07.626
What does she suffer from?

0:11:07.626,0:11:11.179
We should really pray for her."

0:11:11.179,0:11:13.003
One commenter even suggested

0:11:13.003,0:11:15.716
that I add my disability to my credits:

0:11:15.716,0:11:19.575
screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

0:11:21.347,0:11:23.795
Disability is as visual as race.

0:11:23.795,0:11:26.275
If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

0:11:26.275,0:11:29.651
then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

0:11:29.651,0:11:31.859
The disabled are the largest—

0:11:31.859,0:11:34.009
Yeah, clap for them, man. C'mon.

0:11:34.009,0:11:37.441
(Applause)

0:11:39.591,0:11:41.608
People with disabilities are the largest minority

0:11:41.608,0:11:44.820
in the world, and we are the most underrepresented

0:11:44.820,0:11:46.980
in entertainment.

0:11:46.980,0:11:49.276
The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

0:11:49.276,0:11:52.085
but I am here in front of you.

0:11:52.085,0:11:54.328
However, if I grew up with social media,

0:11:54.328,0:11:56.223
I don't think I would be.

0:11:56.223,0:11:57.841
I hope that together

0:11:57.841,0:12:00.040
we can create more positive images

0:12:00.040,0:12:03.929
of disability in the media and in everyday life.

0:12:03.929,0:12:06.184
Perhaps if there were more positive images,

0:12:06.184,0:12:09.416
it would foster less hate on the internet.

0:12:09.416,0:12:11.455
Or maybe not.

0:12:11.455,0:12:13.575
Maybe it still takes a village

0:12:13.575,0:12:16.599
to teach our children well.

0:12:16.599,0:12:18.478
My crooked journey has taken me

0:12:18.478,0:12:20.555
to some very spectacular places.

0:12:20.555,0:12:23.406
I got to walk the red carpet

0:12:23.406,0:12:26.234
flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

0:12:26.234,0:12:28.328
and the iconic Lorraine Arbus.

0:12:28.328,0:12:31.126
I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

0:12:31.126,0:12:32.713
and work with my idol,

0:12:32.713,0:12:35.086
the amazing Dave Matthews.

0:12:35.086,0:12:36.902
I toured the world as a headliner

0:12:36.902,0:12:38.703
on Arabs Gone Wild.

0:12:38.703,0:12:41.531
I was a delegate

0:12:41.531,0:12:43.921
representing the great state of New Jersey

0:12:43.921,0:12:46.415
at the 2008 DNC.

0:12:46.415,0:12:48.882
And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

0:12:48.882,0:12:50.673
a charity that hopes

0:12:50.673,0:12:52.935
to give Palestinian refugee children

0:12:52.935,0:12:56.111
a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

0:12:56.111,0:12:58.447
But the one moment that stands out the most

0:12:58.447,0:13:01.065
was when I got, before this moment

0:13:01.065,0:13:05.384
— (Laughter) (Applause) —

0:13:08.661,0:13:12.096
but the one moment that stands out the most

0:13:12.096,0:13:14.047
was when I got to perform

0:13:14.047,0:13:16.512
for the man who flies like a butterfly

0:13:16.512,0:13:17.927
and stings like a bee,

0:13:17.927,0:13:21.007
has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

0:13:21.007,0:13:23.603
Muhammad Ali.

0:13:23.603,0:13:28.542
(Applause)

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It was the only time

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that my father ever saw me perform live,

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and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

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(Arabic)

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My name is Maysoon Zayid,

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and if I can can, you can can.

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(Applause)