[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.04,0:00:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.79,0:00:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.08,0:00:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.52,0:00:07.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.90,0:00:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Loud cheering)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.85,0:00:12.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.37,0:00:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am not drunk,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.26,0:00:16.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the doctor who delivered me was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.95,0:00:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cut my mom six different times
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.51,0:00:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in six different directions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.32,0:00:25.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suffocating poor little me in the process.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.94,0:00:28.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a result, I have cerebral palsy,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.58,0:00:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I shake all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.38,0:00:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.01,0:00:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's exhausting.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.44,0:00:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm like Shakira,\NShakira meets Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.24,0:00:42.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.49,0:00:44.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CP is not genetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.40,0:00:47.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a birth defect.\NYou can't catch it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.24,0:00:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.44,0:00:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't get it because\Nmy parents are first cousins,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.82,0:00:55.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.17,0:00:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.54,0:01:01.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It only happens from accidents,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.75,0:01:03.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like what happened to me on my birth day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.31,0:01:06.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I must warn you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.55,0:01:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not inspirational.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.47,0:01:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.50,0:01:13.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't want anyone in this room\Nto feel bad for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.47,0:01:15.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because at some point in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.70,0:01:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have dreamt of being disabled.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.89,0:01:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on a journey with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.94,0:01:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.07,0:01:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're driving around in circles\Nlooking for parking,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.39,0:01:29.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.44,0:01:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.21,0:01:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.74,0:01:37.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're like, "God,\Ncan't I just be a little disabled?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.78,0:01:43.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.42,0:01:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, I've got to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.02,0:01:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got 99 problems,\Nand palsy is just one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.72,0:01:49.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.76,0:01:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there was an Oppression Olympics,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.35,0:01:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would win the gold medal.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.11,0:01:57.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Palestinian, Muslim,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.27,0:01:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm female, I'm disabled,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.61,0:02:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I live in New Jersey.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.51,0:02:04.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.48,0:02:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.74,0:02:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't feel better\Nabout yourself, maybe you should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.57,0:02:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.62,0:02:13.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.98,0:02:16.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have always loved the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.57,0:02:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my hood and my affliction\Nshare the same initials.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.61,0:02:22.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also love the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.07,0:02:25.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if I wanted to walk\Nfrom my house to New York City, I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.76,0:02:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people with CP don't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.34,0:02:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but my parents didn't believe in "can't."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.66,0:02:33.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father's mantra was,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.47,0:02:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You can do it, yes you can can."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.55,0:02:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.09,0:02:43.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if my three older sisters\Nwere mopping,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.14,0:02:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was mopping.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.33,0:02:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If my three older sisters\Nwent to public school,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.17,0:02:49.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my parents would sue the school system
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.18,0:02:51.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and guarantee that I went too,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.43,0:02:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we didn't all get A's,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.22,0:02:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all got my mother's slipper.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.37,0:02:58.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.18,0:03:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father taught me how to walk\Nwhen I was five years old
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.10,0:03:03.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by placing my heels on his feet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.41,0:03:04.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just walking.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.36,0:03:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another tactic that he used
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.07,0:03:09.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is he would dangle\Na dollar bill in front of me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.99,0:03:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have me chase it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.71,0:03:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.06,0:03:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My inner stripper was very strong.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.82,0:03:18.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.43,0:03:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.99,0:03:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, by the first day of kindergarten,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.80,0:03:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was walking like a champ
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.11,0:03:25.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had been punched one too many times.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.49,0:03:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.90,0:03:30.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Growing up, there were\Nonly six Arabs in my town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.42,0:03:31.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they were all my family.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.80,0:03:32.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.84,0:03:34.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there are 20 Arabs in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.95,0:03:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are still all my family.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.79,0:03:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.85,0:03:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think anyone\Neven noticed we weren't Italian.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.58,0:03:44.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.57,0:03:48.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.31,0:03:50.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was before 9/11
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.03,0:03:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and before politicians\Nthought it was appropriate
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.04,0:03:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to use "I hate Muslims"\Nas a campaign slogan.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.10,0:04:00.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The people that I grew up with\Nhad no problem with my faith.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.31,0:04:02.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They did, however, seem very concerned
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.76,0:04:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I would starve\Nto death during Ramadan.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.44,0:04:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would explain to them\Nthat I have enough fat
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.61,0:04:09.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live off of for three whole months,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.63,0:04:12.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so fasting from sunrise\Nto sunset is a piece of cake.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.100,0:04:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.49,0:04:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have tap-danced on Broadway.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.38,0:04:19.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.59,0:04:20.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.69,0:04:22.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents couldn't\Nafford physical therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.84,0:04:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they sent me to dancing school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.40,0:04:27.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned how to dance in heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.07,0:04:28.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means I can walk in heels.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.01,0:04:30.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm from Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.18,0:04:33.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are really concerned\Nwith being chic,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.21,0:04:36.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so if my friends wore heels, so did I.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.51,0:04:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when my friends went\Nand spent their summer vacations
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.53,0:04:42.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the Jersey Shore, I did not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.34,0:04:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent my summers in a war zone,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.58,0:04:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because my parents were afraid
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.65,0:04:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we didn't go back to Palestine\Nevery single summer,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.55,0:04:52.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'd grow up to be Madonna.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.58,0:04:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.98,0:05:03.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Summer vacations often consisted\Nof my father trying to heal me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.07,0:05:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I drank deer's milk,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.87,0:05:06.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had hot cups on my back,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.91,0:05:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was dunked in the Dead Sea,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.90,0:05:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I remember the water burning my eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.51,0:05:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking, "It's working!\NIt's working!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.100,0:05:17.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.30,0:05:20.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.72,0:05:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to tell you, it's very boring,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.100,0:05:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before I did yoga,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.47,0:05:28.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a stand-up comedian\Nwho can't stand up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.66,0:05:31.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I can stand on my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.74,0:05:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My parents reinforced this notion
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.50,0:05:39.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I could do anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.22,0:05:41.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that no dream was impossible,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.23,0:05:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my dream was to be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.81,0:05:45.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the daytime soap opera\N"General Hospital."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.84,0:05:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.05,0:05:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to college\Nduring affirmative action
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.50,0:05:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.53,0:05:53.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Arizona State University,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.67,0:05:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I fit every single quota.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.17,0:05:57.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.21,0:06:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like the pet lemur\Nof the theater department.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.41,0:06:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody loved me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.95,0:06:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did all the less-than-intelligent\Nkids' homework,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.07,0:06:07.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got A's in all of my classes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.69,0:06:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A's in all of their classes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.59,0:06:11.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.14,0:06:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every time I did a scene\Nfrom "The Glass Menagerie,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.27,0:06:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my professors would weep.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.69,0:06:18.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I never got cast.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.33,0:06:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, my senior year,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.95,0:06:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ASU decided to do a show called\N"They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.89,0:06:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a play about a girl with CP.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a girl with CP.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.74,0:06:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I start shouting from the rooftops,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.63,0:06:34.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm finally going to get a part!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.56,0:06:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have cerebral palsy!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.39,0:06:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Free at last! Free at last!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.56,0:06:40.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.63,0:06:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't get the part.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.98,0:06:45.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.44,0:06:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sherry Brown got the part.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.02,0:06:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went racing to the head\Nof the theater department
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.58,0:06:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crying hysterically,\Nlike someone shot my cat,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.04,0:06:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ask her why,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.17,0:06:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she said it was because\Nthey didn't think I could do the stunts.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.76,0:07:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Excuse me,\Nif I can't do the stunts,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.48,0:07:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neither can the character."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.06,0:07:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.23,0:07:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.98,0:07:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a part\Nthat I was literally born to play
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.00,0:07:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they gave it to a non-palsy actress.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.04,0:07:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,College was imitating life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.28,0:07:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hollywood has a sordid history
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.40,0:07:29.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of casting able-bodied actors\Nto play disabled onscreen.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.03,0:07:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Upon graduating, I moved back home,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.82,0:07:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my first acting gig\Nwas as an extra on a daytime soap opera.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.32,0:07:39.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dream was coming true.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.14,0:07:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew that I would be promoted
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.53,0:07:45.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from "Diner Diner"\Nto "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.05,0:07:46.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.34,0:07:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instead, I remained\Na glorified piece of furniture
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.99,0:07:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you could only recognize\Nfrom the back of my head,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.59,0:07:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it became clear to me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.19,0:07:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.11,0:07:59.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't hire fluffy,\Nethnic, disabled actors.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.09,0:08:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They only hired perfect people.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.46,0:08:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there were exceptions to the rule.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.81,0:08:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.98,0:08:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roseanne Barr, Ellen,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.92,0:08:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of these women\Nhad one thing in common:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.45,0:08:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were comedians.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.72,0:08:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I became a comic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.57,0:08:16.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.84,0:08:19.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.86,0:08:23.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first gig was driving famous comics
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.54,0:08:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from New York City to shows in New Jersey,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.11,0:08:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll never forget the face\Nof the first comic I ever drove
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.60,0:08:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he realized that he was speeding\Ndown the New Jersey Turnpike
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.56,0:08:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a chick with CP driving him.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.76,0:08:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.78,0:08:39.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've performed in clubs all over America,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.35,0:08:42.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've also performed\Nin Arabic in the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.91,0:08:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uncensored and uncovered.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.48,0:08:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.55,0:08:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people say I'm the first\Nstand-up comic in the Arab world.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.29,0:08:52.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never like to claim first,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.47,0:08:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do know that they never heard
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.79,0:08:58.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that nasty little rumor\Nthat women aren't funny,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.68,0:09:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they find us hysterical.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.49,0:09:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.55,0:09:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2003, my brother\Nfrom another mother and father
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.59,0:09:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dean Obeidallah and I started
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.75,0:09:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the New York Arab-American\NComedy Festival,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.12,0:09:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now in its 10th year.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.09,0:09:19.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our goal was to change the negative image\Nof Arab-Americans in media,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.56,0:09:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while also reminding casting directors
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.36,0:09:25.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that South Asian and Arab\Nare not synonymous.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.13,0:09:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.16,0:09:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.08,0:09:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than conquering the challenge\Nagainst the stigma against disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.85,0:09:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My big break came in 2010.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.20,0:09:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was invited to be a guest\Non the cable news show
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.11,0:09:46.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.44,0:09:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked in looking\Nlike I was going to the prom,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.44,0:09:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they shuffle me into a studio
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.58,0:09:55.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.61,0:09:57.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.16,0:09:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I looked at the stage manager
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.01,0:10:02.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm like, "Excuse me,\Ncan I have another chair?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.34,0:10:04.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she looked at me and she went,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.06,0:10:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Five, four, three, two ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.81,0:10:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were live, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.60,0:10:10.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.97,0:10:14.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that I wouldn't roll off\Nthe screen during the segment,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.76,0:10:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when the interview\Nwas over, I was livid.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.62,0:10:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had finally gotten\Nmy chance and I blew it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.78,0:10:22.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew I would never get invited back.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.99,0:10:25.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But not only did Mr. Olbermann\Ninvite me back,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.100,0:10:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he made me a full-time contributor,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.32,0:10:31.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he taped down my chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.05,0:10:33.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.74,0:10:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.00,0:10:40.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One fun fact I learned while on the air\Nwith Keith Olbermann
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.72,0:10:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that humans\Non the Internet are scumbags.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.73,0:10:45.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.76,0:10:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People say children are cruel,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.35,0:10:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was never made fun of\Nas a child or an adult.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.29,0:10:53.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly, my disability\Non the world wide web is fair game.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.98,0:10:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would look at clips online\Nand see comments like,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.61,0:11:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.27,0:11:02.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, is she retarded?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.57,0:11:05.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my favorite,\N"Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.78,0:11:07.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does she suffer from?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.60,0:11:09.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should really pray for her."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.07,0:11:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One commenter even suggested\Nthat I add my disability to my credits:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.68,0:11:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,screenwriter, comedian, palsy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.25,0:11:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disability is as visual as race.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.12,0:11:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.50,0:11:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.70,0:11:31.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The disabled are the largest —
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.79,0:11:34.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.59,0:11:39.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.54,0:11:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People with disabilities\Nare the largest minority in the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.59,0:11:46.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are the most underrepresented\Nin entertainment.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.17,0:11:49.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.35,0:11:51.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am here in front of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.04,0:11:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, if I grew up with social media,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.28,0:11:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think I would be.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.10,0:11:57.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that together,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.58,0:12:00.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can create more positive images
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.15,0:12:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of disability in the media\Nand in everyday life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.88,0:12:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps if there were\Nmore positive images,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.36,0:12:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would foster less hate on the Internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.08,0:12:11.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe not.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.28,0:12:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it still takes a village\Nto teach our children well.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.46,0:12:20.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My crooked journey has taken me\Nto some very spectacular places.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.49,0:12:23.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to walk the red carpet
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.47,0:12:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.25,0:12:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the iconic Loreen Arbus.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.31,0:12:30.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.97,0:12:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and work with my idol,\Nthe amazing Dave Matthews.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.98,0:12:38.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I toured the world as a headliner\Non Arabs Gone Wild.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.53,0:12:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a delegate representing\Nthe great state of New Jersey
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.23,0:12:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the 2008 DNC.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.49,0:12:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I founded Maysoon's Kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.99,0:12:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a charity that hopes\Nto give Palestinian refugee children
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.05,0:12:55.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.97,0:12:58.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the one moment\Nthat stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.43,0:13:00.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got -- before this moment --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.96,0:13:04.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.63,0:13:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.43,0:13:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the one moment\Nthat stands out the most
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.88,0:13:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I got to perform
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.01,0:13:16.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the man who floats like a butterfly
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.23,0:13:17.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stings like a bee,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.79,0:13:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.10,0:13:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.36,0:13:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.96,0:13:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause ends)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.60,0:13:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the only time\Nthat my father ever saw me perform live,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.20,0:13:39.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I dedicate this talk to his memory.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.39,0:13:41.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.78,0:13:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.23,0:13:47.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if I can can, you can can.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.44,0:13:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.31,0:13:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)