0:00:01.039,0:00:02.762
Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

0:00:02.786,0:00:04.051
(Cheering)

0:00:04.075,0:00:05.491
Not good enough.

0:00:05.515,0:00:07.880
Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

0:00:07.904,0:00:09.825
(Loud cheering)

0:00:09.849,0:00:12.350
My name is Maysoon Zayid,

0:00:12.374,0:00:14.238
and I am not drunk,

0:00:14.262,0:00:16.929
but the doctor who delivered me was.

0:00:16.953,0:00:20.483
He cut my mom six different times

0:00:20.507,0:00:23.293
in six different directions,

0:00:23.317,0:00:25.561
suffocating poor little me in the process.

0:00:25.935,0:00:28.553
As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

0:00:28.577,0:00:31.355
which means I shake all the time.

0:00:31.379,0:00:32.379
Look.

0:00:34.006,0:00:35.419
It's exhausting.

0:00:35.443,0:00:39.216
I'm like Shakira,[br]Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.

0:00:39.240,0:00:42.469
(Laughter)

0:00:42.493,0:00:44.065
CP is not genetic.

0:00:44.398,0:00:47.213
It's not a birth defect.[br]You can't catch it.

0:00:47.237,0:00:50.411
No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

0:00:50.435,0:00:53.800
and I didn't get it because[br]my parents are first cousins,

0:00:53.824,0:00:55.148
which they are.

0:00:55.172,0:00:59.514
(Laughter)

0:00:59.538,0:01:01.728
It only happens from accidents,

0:01:01.752,0:01:03.996
like what happened to me on my birth day.

0:01:04.306,0:01:06.529
Now, I must warn you,

0:01:06.553,0:01:07.829
I'm not inspirational.

0:01:08.472,0:01:09.473
(Laughter)

0:01:09.497,0:01:13.443
And I don't want anyone in this room[br]to feel bad for me,

0:01:13.467,0:01:15.673
because at some point in your life,

0:01:15.697,0:01:18.086
you have dreamt of being disabled.

0:01:18.887,0:01:20.443
Come on a journey with me.

0:01:20.935,0:01:24.049
It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

0:01:24.073,0:01:27.365
you're driving around in circles[br]looking for parking,

0:01:27.389,0:01:29.054
and what do you see?

0:01:29.435,0:01:32.190
Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

0:01:32.214,0:01:34.721
(Laughter)

0:01:34.745,0:01:37.758
And you're like, "God,[br]can't I just be a little disabled?"

0:01:37.782,0:01:43.392
(Laughter)

0:01:43.416,0:01:44.995
Also, I've got to tell you,

0:01:45.019,0:01:48.691
I've got 99 problems,[br]and palsy is just one.

0:01:48.715,0:01:49.738
(Laughter)

0:01:49.762,0:01:52.328
If there was an Oppression Olympics,

0:01:52.352,0:01:54.085
I would win the gold medal.

0:01:54.109,0:01:57.242
I'm Palestinian, Muslim,

0:01:57.266,0:01:59.590
I'm female, I'm disabled,

0:01:59.614,0:02:01.483
and I live in New Jersey.

0:02:01.507,0:02:04.454
(Laughter)

0:02:04.478,0:02:07.721
(Applause)

0:02:07.745,0:02:10.546
If you don't feel better[br]about yourself, maybe you should.

0:02:10.570,0:02:11.601
(Laughter)

0:02:11.625,0:02:13.952
Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

0:02:13.976,0:02:16.549
I have always loved the fact

0:02:16.573,0:02:20.583
that my hood and my affliction[br]share the same initials.

0:02:20.607,0:02:22.045
I also love the fact

0:02:22.069,0:02:25.264
that if I wanted to walk[br]from my house to New York City, I could.

0:02:25.764,0:02:28.316
A lot of people with CP don't walk,

0:02:28.340,0:02:31.253
but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

0:02:31.658,0:02:33.448
My father's mantra was,

0:02:33.472,0:02:36.528
"You can do it, yes you can can."

0:02:36.552,0:02:40.067
(Laughter)

0:02:40.091,0:02:43.119
So, if my three older sisters[br]were mopping,

0:02:43.143,0:02:44.310
I was mopping.

0:02:44.334,0:02:47.143
If my three older sisters[br]went to public school,

0:02:47.167,0:02:49.160
my parents would sue the school system

0:02:49.184,0:02:51.407
and guarantee that I went too,

0:02:51.431,0:02:53.197
and if we didn't all get A's,

0:02:53.221,0:02:55.349
we all got my mother's slipper.

0:02:55.373,0:02:58.153
(Laughter)

0:02:58.177,0:03:01.078
My father taught me how to walk[br]when I was five years old

0:03:01.102,0:03:03.387
by placing my heels on his feet

0:03:03.411,0:03:04.721
and just walking.

0:03:05.364,0:03:07.043
Another tactic that he used

0:03:07.067,0:03:09.966
is he would dangle[br]a dollar bill in front of me

0:03:09.990,0:03:11.687
and have me chase it.

0:03:11.711,0:03:14.035
(Laughter)

0:03:14.059,0:03:16.797
My inner stripper was very strong.

0:03:16.821,0:03:18.410
(Laughter)

0:03:18.434,0:03:19.463
Yeah.

0:03:19.987,0:03:21.780
No, by the first day of kindergarten,

0:03:21.804,0:03:23.082
I was walking like a champ

0:03:23.106,0:03:25.463
who had been punched one too many times.

0:03:25.487,0:03:26.876
(Laughter)

0:03:26.900,0:03:30.396
Growing up, there were[br]only six Arabs in my town,

0:03:30.420,0:03:31.772
and they were all my family.

0:03:31.796,0:03:32.820
(Laughter)

0:03:32.844,0:03:34.927
Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

0:03:34.951,0:03:36.769
and they are still all my family.

0:03:36.793,0:03:37.826
(Laughter)

0:03:37.850,0:03:40.555
I don't think anyone[br]even noticed we weren't Italian.

0:03:40.579,0:03:44.550
(Laughter)

0:03:44.574,0:03:48.287
(Applause)

0:03:48.311,0:03:50.002
This was before 9/11

0:03:50.026,0:03:53.018
and before politicians[br]thought it was appropriate

0:03:53.042,0:03:56.477
to use "I hate Muslims"[br]as a campaign slogan.

0:03:57.096,0:04:00.287
The people that I grew up with[br]had no problem with my faith.

0:04:00.311,0:04:02.731
They did, however, seem very concerned

0:04:02.755,0:04:05.411
that I would starve[br]to death during Ramadan.

0:04:05.435,0:04:07.586
I would explain to them[br]that I have enough fat

0:04:07.610,0:04:09.602
to live off of for three whole months,

0:04:09.626,0:04:12.972
so fasting from sunrise[br]to sunset is a piece of cake.

0:04:12.996,0:04:13.996
(Laughter)

0:04:14.486,0:04:16.665
I have tap-danced on Broadway.

0:04:17.382,0:04:19.566
Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.

0:04:19.590,0:04:20.669
(Applause)

0:04:20.693,0:04:22.811
My parents couldn't[br]afford physical therapy,

0:04:22.835,0:04:25.378
so they sent me to dancing school.

0:04:25.402,0:04:27.048
I learned how to dance in heels,

0:04:27.072,0:04:28.990
which means I can walk in heels.

0:04:29.014,0:04:30.151
And I'm from Jersey,

0:04:30.175,0:04:33.188
and we are really concerned[br]with being chic,

0:04:33.212,0:04:36.487
so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

0:04:36.511,0:04:39.505
And when my friends went[br]and spent their summer vacations

0:04:39.529,0:04:42.317
on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

0:04:42.341,0:04:44.555
I spent my summers in a war zone,

0:04:44.579,0:04:46.626
because my parents were afraid

0:04:46.650,0:04:50.524
that if we didn't go back to Palestine[br]every single summer,

0:04:50.548,0:04:52.559
we'd grow up to be Madonna.

0:04:52.583,0:04:57.960
(Laughter)

0:04:57.984,0:05:03.049
Summer vacations often consisted[br]of my father trying to heal me,

0:05:03.073,0:05:04.846
so I drank deer's milk,

0:05:04.870,0:05:06.888
I had hot cups on my back,

0:05:06.912,0:05:08.873
I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

0:05:08.897,0:05:11.482
and I remember the water burning my eyes

0:05:11.506,0:05:13.971
and thinking, "It's working![br]It's working!"

0:05:13.995,0:05:17.272
(Laughter)

0:05:17.296,0:05:20.208
But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

0:05:20.716,0:05:23.971
I have to tell you, it's very boring,

0:05:23.995,0:05:25.450
but before I did yoga,

0:05:25.474,0:05:28.121
I was a stand-up comedian[br]who can't stand up.

0:05:28.661,0:05:31.180
And now I can stand on my head.

0:05:31.737,0:05:36.478
My parents reinforced this notion

0:05:36.502,0:05:39.191
that I could do anything,

0:05:39.215,0:05:41.206
that no dream was impossible,

0:05:41.230,0:05:42.785
and my dream was to be

0:05:42.809,0:05:45.818
on the daytime soap opera[br]"General Hospital."

0:05:45.842,0:05:47.024
(Laughter)

0:05:47.048,0:05:49.475
I went to college[br]during affirmative action

0:05:49.499,0:05:51.505
and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

0:05:51.529,0:05:53.650
Arizona State University,

0:05:53.674,0:05:56.142
because I fit every single quota.

0:05:56.166,0:05:57.189
(Laughter)

0:05:57.213,0:06:01.382
I was like the pet lemur[br]of the theater department.

0:06:01.406,0:06:02.929
Everybody loved me.

0:06:02.953,0:06:06.042
I did all the less-than-intelligent[br]kids' homework,

0:06:06.066,0:06:07.662
I got A's in all of my classes,

0:06:07.686,0:06:09.563
A's in all of their classes.

0:06:09.587,0:06:11.114
(Laughter)

0:06:11.138,0:06:14.247
Every time I did a scene[br]from "The Glass Menagerie,"

0:06:14.271,0:06:16.665
my professors would weep.

0:06:16.689,0:06:18.913
But I never got cast.

0:06:19.333,0:06:20.928
Finally, my senior year,

0:06:20.952,0:06:24.862
ASU decided to do a show called[br]"They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

0:06:24.886,0:06:27.656
It's a play about a girl with CP.

0:06:27.680,0:06:29.721
I was a girl with CP.

0:06:29.745,0:06:32.604
So I start shouting from the rooftops,

0:06:32.628,0:06:34.531
"I'm finally going to get a part!

0:06:34.555,0:06:36.364
I have cerebral palsy!

0:06:36.388,0:06:38.541
Free at last! Free at last!

0:06:38.565,0:06:40.932
Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

0:06:41.626,0:06:42.960
I didn't get the part.

0:06:42.984,0:06:45.419
(Laughter)

0:06:45.443,0:06:47.562
Sherry Brown got the part.

0:06:48.022,0:06:50.551
I went racing to the head[br]of the theater department

0:06:50.575,0:06:53.020
crying hysterically,[br]like someone shot my cat,

0:06:53.044,0:06:54.145
to ask her why,

0:06:54.169,0:06:58.314
and she said it was because[br]they didn't think I could do the stunts.

0:06:58.762,0:07:01.459
I said, "Excuse me,[br]if I can't do the stunts,

0:07:01.483,0:07:03.040
neither can the character."

0:07:03.064,0:07:07.208
(Laughter)

0:07:07.232,0:07:10.952
(Applause)

0:07:10.976,0:07:15.980
This was a part[br]that I was literally born to play

0:07:16.004,0:07:20.263
they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

0:07:21.045,0:07:22.942
College was imitating life.

0:07:23.276,0:07:25.378
Hollywood has a sordid history

0:07:25.402,0:07:29.395
of casting able-bodied actors[br]to play disabled onscreen.

0:07:30.030,0:07:32.799
Upon graduating, I moved back home,

0:07:32.823,0:07:37.296
and my first acting gig[br]was as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

0:07:37.320,0:07:39.116
My dream was coming true.

0:07:39.140,0:07:41.506
And I knew that I would be promoted

0:07:41.530,0:07:45.029
from "Diner Diner"[br]to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.

0:07:45.053,0:07:46.311
(Laughter)

0:07:46.335,0:07:48.962
But instead, I remained[br]a glorified piece of furniture

0:07:48.986,0:07:51.565
that you could only recognize[br]from the back of my head,

0:07:51.589,0:07:53.164
and it became clear to me

0:07:53.188,0:07:55.083
that casting directors

0:07:55.107,0:07:59.065
didn't hire fluffy,[br]ethnic, disabled actors.

0:07:59.089,0:08:01.113
They only hired perfect people.

0:08:01.462,0:08:03.452
But there were exceptions to the rule.

0:08:03.810,0:08:05.959
I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg,

0:08:05.983,0:08:07.895
Roseanne Barr, Ellen,

0:08:07.919,0:08:10.430
and all of these women[br]had one thing in common:

0:08:10.454,0:08:11.692
they were comedians.

0:08:11.716,0:08:13.542
So I became a comic.

0:08:13.566,0:08:16.821
(Laughter)

0:08:16.845,0:08:19.834
(Applause)

0:08:19.858,0:08:23.511
My first gig was driving famous comics

0:08:23.535,0:08:26.090
from New York City to shows in New Jersey,

0:08:26.114,0:08:29.575
and I'll never forget the face[br]of the first comic I ever drove

0:08:29.599,0:08:33.539
when he realized that he was speeding[br]down the New Jersey Turnpike

0:08:33.563,0:08:35.736
with a chick with CP driving him.

0:08:35.760,0:08:36.761
(Laughter)

0:08:36.785,0:08:39.330
I've performed in clubs all over America,

0:08:39.354,0:08:42.882
and I've also performed[br]in Arabic in the Middle East,

0:08:42.906,0:08:45.453
uncensored and uncovered.

0:08:45.477,0:08:46.525
(Laughter)

0:08:46.549,0:08:50.266
Some people say I'm the first[br]stand-up comic in the Arab world.

0:08:50.290,0:08:52.447
I never like to claim first,

0:08:52.471,0:08:54.763
but I do know that they never heard

0:08:54.787,0:08:58.653
that nasty little rumor[br]that women aren't funny,

0:08:58.677,0:09:00.464
and they find us hysterical.

0:09:00.488,0:09:01.939
(Laughter)

0:09:03.550,0:09:07.570
In 2003, my brother[br]from another mother and father

0:09:07.594,0:09:09.728
Dean Obeidallah and I started

0:09:09.752,0:09:12.096
the New York Arab-American[br]Comedy Festival,

0:09:12.120,0:09:14.070
now in its 10th year.

0:09:14.094,0:09:19.539
Our goal was to change the negative image[br]of Arab-Americans in media,

0:09:19.563,0:09:22.341
while also reminding casting directors

0:09:22.365,0:09:25.106
that South Asian and Arab[br]are not synonymous.

0:09:25.130,0:09:28.135
(Laughter)

0:09:28.159,0:09:34.055
Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier

0:09:34.079,0:09:38.436
than conquering the challenge[br]against the stigma against disability.

0:09:38.849,0:09:41.172
My big break came in 2010.

0:09:41.196,0:09:44.086
I was invited to be a guest[br]on the cable news show

0:09:44.110,0:09:46.418
"Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

0:09:46.442,0:09:49.420
I walked in looking[br]like I was going to the prom,

0:09:49.444,0:09:51.554
and they shuffle me into a studio

0:09:51.578,0:09:55.590
and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.

0:09:55.614,0:09:57.134
(Laughter)

0:09:57.158,0:09:58.984
So I looked at the stage manager

0:09:59.008,0:10:02.312
and I'm like, "Excuse me,[br]can I have another chair?"

0:10:02.336,0:10:04.038
And she looked at me and she went,

0:10:04.062,0:10:06.783
"Five, four, three, two ..."

0:10:06.807,0:10:08.577
And we were live, right?

0:10:08.601,0:10:10.945
So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk

0:10:10.969,0:10:14.734
so that I wouldn't roll off[br]the screen during the segment,

0:10:14.758,0:10:17.593
and when the interview[br]was over, I was livid.

0:10:17.617,0:10:19.759
I had finally gotten[br]my chance and I blew it,

0:10:19.783,0:10:22.480
and I knew I would never get invited back.

0:10:22.988,0:10:25.972
But not only did Mr. Olbermann[br]invite me back,

0:10:25.996,0:10:28.298
he made me a full-time contributor,

0:10:28.322,0:10:31.023
and he taped down my chair.

0:10:31.047,0:10:33.714
(Laughter)

0:10:33.738,0:10:36.979
(Applause)

0:10:37.003,0:10:40.696
One fun fact I learned while on the air[br]with Keith Olbermann

0:10:40.720,0:10:44.709
was that humans[br]on the Internet are scumbags.

0:10:44.733,0:10:45.734
(Laughter)

0:10:45.758,0:10:47.322
People say children are cruel,

0:10:47.346,0:10:50.266
but I was never made fun of[br]as a child or an adult.

0:10:50.290,0:10:53.961
Suddenly, my disability[br]on the world wide web is fair game.

0:10:53.985,0:10:57.582
I would look at clips online[br]and see comments like,

0:10:57.606,0:11:00.242
"Yo, why's she tweakin'?"

0:11:00.266,0:11:02.544
"Yo, is she retarded?"

0:11:02.568,0:11:05.758
And my favorite,[br]"Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist.

0:11:05.782,0:11:07.580
What does she suffer from?

0:11:07.604,0:11:09.302
We should really pray for her."

0:11:11.070,0:11:15.660
One commenter even suggested[br]that I add my disability to my credits:

0:11:15.684,0:11:18.017
screenwriter, comedian, palsy.

0:11:21.247,0:11:23.620
Disability is as visual as race.

0:11:24.120,0:11:26.480
If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé,

0:11:26.504,0:11:29.353
then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user.

0:11:29.702,0:11:31.765
The disabled are the largest —

0:11:31.789,0:11:34.568
Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.

0:11:34.592,0:11:39.052
(Applause)

0:11:39.544,0:11:42.567
People with disabilities[br]are the largest minority in the world,

0:11:42.591,0:11:46.297
and we are the most underrepresented[br]in entertainment.

0:11:47.170,0:11:49.326
The doctors said that I wouldn't walk,

0:11:49.350,0:11:51.008
but I am here in front of you.

0:11:52.039,0:11:54.254
However, if I grew up with social media,

0:11:54.278,0:11:55.698
I don't think I would be.

0:11:56.099,0:11:57.554
I hope that together,

0:11:57.578,0:12:00.129
we can create more positive images

0:12:00.153,0:12:03.493
of disability in the media[br]and in everyday life.

0:12:03.882,0:12:06.339
Perhaps if there were[br]more positive images,

0:12:06.363,0:12:08.958
it would foster less hate on the Internet.

0:12:10.085,0:12:11.261
Or maybe not.

0:12:11.285,0:12:15.293
Maybe it still takes a village[br]to teach our children well.

0:12:16.460,0:12:20.469
My crooked journey has taken me[br]to some very spectacular places.

0:12:20.493,0:12:23.443
I got to walk the red carpet

0:12:23.467,0:12:26.222
flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci

0:12:26.246,0:12:28.287
and the iconic Loreen Arbus.

0:12:28.311,0:12:30.948
I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler

0:12:30.972,0:12:34.959
and work with my idol,[br]the amazing Dave Matthews.

0:12:34.983,0:12:38.509
I toured the world as a headliner[br]on Arabs Gone Wild.

0:12:38.533,0:12:44.203
I was a delegate representing[br]the great state of New Jersey

0:12:44.227,0:12:46.463
at the 2008 DNC.

0:12:46.487,0:12:48.965
And I founded Maysoon's Kids,

0:12:48.989,0:12:53.024
a charity that hopes[br]to give Palestinian refugee children

0:12:53.048,0:12:55.580
a sliver of the chance my parents gave me.

0:12:55.972,0:12:58.407
But the one moment[br]that stands out the most

0:12:58.431,0:13:00.932
was when I got -- before this moment --

0:13:00.956,0:13:04.610
(Laughter)

0:13:04.634,0:13:08.406
(Applause)

0:13:08.430,0:13:11.858
But the one moment[br]that stands out the most

0:13:11.882,0:13:13.984
was when I got to perform

0:13:14.008,0:13:16.210
for the man who floats like a butterfly

0:13:16.234,0:13:17.762
and stings like a bee,

0:13:17.786,0:13:21.075
has Parkinson's and shakes just like me,

0:13:21.099,0:13:23.332
Muhammad Ali.

0:13:23.356,0:13:26.425
(Applause)

0:13:29.957,0:13:31.576
(Applause ends)

0:13:31.600,0:13:36.179
It was the only time[br]that my father ever saw me perform live,

0:13:36.203,0:13:39.362
and I dedicate this talk to his memory.

0:13:39.386,0:13:41.758
(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.

0:13:41.782,0:13:44.202
(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid,

0:13:44.226,0:13:47.413
and if I can can, you can can.

0:13:47.437,0:13:49.282
(Cheering)

0:13:49.306,0:13:53.380
(Applause)