0:00:14.884,0:00:18.395
I would like everyone here[br]to take a moment, right now,

0:00:18.395,0:00:19.819
and close your eyes.

0:00:20.615,0:00:22.577
Go ahead. Close your eyes, please.

0:00:23.846,0:00:27.628
Now, I want you to imagine[br]that you are 11 years old.

0:00:28.228,0:00:30.010
It’s the holidays ...

0:00:30.010,0:00:33.456
You are asleep in your bed,[br]dreaming away.

0:00:34.095,0:00:35.305
Okay?

0:00:43.154,0:00:44.569
Now open your eyes.

0:00:47.188,0:00:50.478
Those two sounds, those thuds,

0:00:50.478,0:00:54.857
are what woke me up[br]on the morning of December 31, 1989,

0:00:55.337,0:00:59.309
and those sounds were[br]my mother’s skull being smashed in

0:00:59.309,0:01:01.432
while she was being suffocated,

0:01:02.721,0:01:04.972
15 feet away from my bedroom.

0:01:07.610,0:01:09.950
I then counted 12 footsteps

0:01:10.820,0:01:14.186
as they slowly walked down the hallway,

0:01:15.846,0:01:17.782
and then they stopped at my door.

0:01:19.242,0:01:22.814
I knew at that moment[br]that if I had looked up,

0:01:25.134,0:01:26.872
I wouldn’t be standing here today.

0:01:28.561,0:01:30.157
Twenty-five days later,

0:01:30.157,0:01:33.524
police exhumed my mother’s body[br]from underneath my father’s new home

0:01:33.524,0:01:35.850
in our neighboring state of Pennsylvania.

0:01:37.990,0:01:40.097
Little did I know at that moment

0:01:41.567,0:01:44.366
that I was about ready[br]to embark on a journey

0:01:44.366,0:01:46.773
to discover what resilience is,

0:01:47.293,0:01:49.863
to turn my “why” into “what now?”

0:01:49.863,0:01:53.057
and to realize that sometimes[br]the answer that you seek

0:01:53.057,0:01:55.484
is not necessarily[br]the answer that you need.

0:02:00.371,0:02:02.871
My father murdered my mother,

0:02:03.921,0:02:06.792
and my life was changed forever.

0:02:10.531,0:02:15.348
Just as my mother’s skull was smashed in,[br]so was the innocence of my youth.

0:02:17.446,0:02:21.240
Now, instead of deciding which video game[br]I was going to play with my friends,

0:02:21.240,0:02:24.800
or which action figure[br]I was going to get at the toy store,

0:02:24.800,0:02:27.844
I was faced with[br]a different set of questions.

0:02:29.142,0:02:33.572
Being torn from my home, my dog[br]and my whole way of life,

0:02:33.572,0:02:37.062
I was wondering,[br]“Where am I going to live?

0:02:37.062,0:02:39.191
Will I get a new mommy and daddy?

0:02:40.011,0:02:41.990
What the hell is foster care?”

0:02:42.694,0:02:44.289
And most importantly,

0:02:46.350,0:02:47.807
“How did I get here?”

0:02:59.181,0:03:01.439
My father’s selfish act

0:03:01.439,0:03:04.533
turned not only[br]my own life upside down,

0:03:06.023,0:03:09.380
but affected an entire community,

0:03:09.964,0:03:11.541
the community of Mansfield, Ohio,

0:03:11.541,0:03:14.263
the audience that sits[br]here before me right now.

0:03:15.909,0:03:19.827
And little did we know that our tiny town[br]of 25,000 people at that time

0:03:19.827,0:03:23.032
was going to be thrust[br]into the national spotlight

0:03:23.032,0:03:27.831
for a trial that was[br]so horrific in its nature.

0:03:34.520,0:03:37.110
I testified at trial for two and half days

0:03:37.110,0:03:38.516
against my father,

0:03:38.516,0:03:40.383
as the key witness for the prosecution,

0:03:40.383,0:03:42.172
because I heard the murder happen.

0:03:42.832,0:03:48.338
And I worked with them[br]because I was angry, I was hurt,

0:03:48.798,0:03:50.471
but I was determined.

0:03:51.351,0:03:55.522
I was determined to put my father[br]in the one place that he belonged:

0:03:58.472,0:04:00.019
in prison for life.

0:04:02.624,0:04:05.983
Little did I realize[br]that when I testified at trial,

0:04:05.983,0:04:09.299
I was actually working through[br]my own trauma,

0:04:09.299,0:04:11.533
because I was going through an action -

0:04:11.853,0:04:13.994
because at that point in my life,

0:04:13.994,0:04:16.854
I felt like I had no control[br]over anything.

0:04:16.854,0:04:18.859
I had no say in where[br]I was going to live,

0:04:18.859,0:04:21.591
I was stuck in a foster care home[br]I didn’t want to be in,

0:04:21.591,0:04:24.947
I was separated from my family[br]and I was abandoned by my family.

0:04:25.637,0:04:29.403
But the one thing that I could do,[br]that I could make a difference in,

0:04:30.262,0:04:31.779
is testifying.

0:04:36.877,0:04:39.057
But one thing always evaded me,

0:04:39.057,0:04:42.230
and it continued to evade me[br]the rest of my life:

0:04:43.350,0:04:44.582
Why?

0:04:46.662,0:04:48.388
Why did my father,

0:04:49.473,0:04:51.283
my own flesh and blood,

0:04:51.883,0:04:55.546
commit such a horrific and heinous act?

0:04:58.137,0:05:03.073
And how could he so selfishly[br]turn not only his own life upside down,

0:05:03.073,0:05:04.441
destroy my mother’s life,

0:05:04.441,0:05:07.559
but destroy and affect[br]an entire community

0:05:07.559,0:05:10.737
that was so connected to this trial?

0:05:16.064,0:05:20.039
I struggled for the next 25 years[br]with this question,

0:05:20.839,0:05:25.561
so much so that I took myself[br]to Los Angeles, California,

0:05:25.561,0:05:28.576
after getting out of music school,

0:05:29.366,0:05:32.799
because I wanted[br]to do something with this story.

0:05:32.799,0:05:35.082
I had to do something positive with this,

0:05:35.082,0:05:37.743
because I was not going[br]to let this define me.

0:05:39.573,0:05:43.159
I went as far as to creating a film

0:05:44.539,0:05:47.184
with a two-time Academy Award winner,

0:05:47.184,0:05:48.667
and the result

0:05:49.737,0:05:51.561
was “A Murder in Mansfield.”

0:05:54.490,0:05:56.276
Now, I want to take a moment

0:05:57.246,0:05:59.955
to say that over that 25 years,

0:06:00.475,0:06:04.767
my father manipulated, deceived,

0:06:05.607,0:06:10.065
did everything he could in his power[br]to have me rescind my testimony,

0:06:10.065,0:06:12.809
to have me represent him[br]at the parole board

0:06:12.809,0:06:14.141
to help him get out,

0:06:14.141,0:06:17.215
anything that this man could do[br]to manipulate me,

0:06:17.215,0:06:21.025
and I always just wanted[br]my father’s love, right?

0:06:21.025,0:06:23.077
Because I had already lost one parent,

0:06:23.077,0:06:26.437
and despite as gruesome as everything was,

0:06:26.437,0:06:28.953
I wasn’t prepared to lose another.

0:06:31.872,0:06:33.866
Now, in the film’s final scene,

0:06:34.556,0:06:37.311
I confront my incarcerated[br]father in prison.

0:06:37.779,0:06:40.478
And finally, finally,

0:06:40.478,0:06:42.545
I’m going to get that moment,

0:06:42.545,0:06:46.319
I’m going to have that moment[br]where I can ask this man,

0:06:46.319,0:06:47.605
“Why?

0:06:47.605,0:06:48.885
Why, Dad?

0:06:48.885,0:06:50.757
Why did you do this?”

0:06:54.613,0:06:55.989
You know what?

0:06:57.809,0:07:00.806
In what is definitely[br]a very heartbreaking scene,

0:07:02.125,0:07:05.181
my father is unable to answer.

0:07:06.018,0:07:10.559
Hidden below the depths[br]of narcissism and self-protection,

0:07:10.960,0:07:12.769
he denies any wrongdoing.

0:07:16.727,0:07:19.881
It was at that moment that I realized

0:07:19.881,0:07:23.296
that I had taken back[br]the power in that room

0:07:23.296,0:07:25.808
by confronting my father[br]finally, and saying,

0:07:25.808,0:07:28.162
“You did this. I want to know why.”

0:07:29.973,0:07:32.188
But I never got the answer to my question.

0:07:34.970,0:07:36.357
So you know what?

0:07:36.767,0:07:38.165
I was a failure.

0:07:39.428,0:07:40.924
I failed as filmmaker,

0:07:40.924,0:07:42.609
I failed as a human being -

0:07:43.420,0:07:46.629
I never got the answer[br]to the one question that I wanted!

0:07:49.252,0:07:52.667
Then I realized something,[br]because like most things in life,

0:07:52.667,0:07:54.936
failure often disguises as success.

0:07:55.994,0:07:59.627
I realized that: what if[br]the answer that I was seeking

0:07:59.627,0:08:01.702
wasn’t really the answer that I needed?

0:08:03.846,0:08:06.409
Hmm, it’s an interesting concept, right?

0:08:07.922,0:08:10.511
You see, life will never ever[br]really give us the answer

0:08:10.511,0:08:12.381
to the whys that we want, right?

0:08:12.741,0:08:15.233
It just doesn’t.[br]Life doesn’t work that way.

0:08:16.373,0:08:19.620
So I thought, “Well, there’s got[br]to be something to this, right?”

0:08:19.900,0:08:21.426
And I thought, well -

0:08:22.346,0:08:24.393
When we go through a traumatic event,

0:08:25.143,0:08:27.414
human beings are natural empaths.

0:08:27.414,0:08:30.082
We want to know why, “Why? Why?”

0:08:30.082,0:08:34.345
Why did the gunman walk into a school[br]and shoot up a bunch of children?

0:08:34.345,0:08:37.565
Why did terrorists fly planes[br]into two towers in New York City

0:08:37.565,0:08:39.726
and kill 3,000 people?

0:08:40.437,0:08:43.966
Why did a husband[br]selfishly murder his wife?

0:08:46.157,0:08:48.116
So I did a little bit of a deep dive,

0:08:48.116,0:08:50.670
and I discovered what researchers call

0:08:51.676,0:08:53.676
the mirror-neuron system.

0:08:53.676,0:08:57.754
Now, researchers classify[br]the mirror-neuron system

0:08:57.754,0:09:02.275
as this group of cells in our brain[br]that lies in our limbic system

0:09:03.455,0:09:06.633
that is responsible for compassion.

0:09:06.633,0:09:08.594
It’s how we relate to one another.

0:09:09.354,0:09:12.540
So I thought, “Okay, so there’s[br]a little bit of science behind this.

0:09:12.540,0:09:14.916
So I’m not too far off base here.”

0:09:16.723,0:09:18.785
And then I come back to my why -

0:09:18.785,0:09:20.460
my why, my why ...

0:09:20.460,0:09:22.080
I just want to know why.

0:09:22.640,0:09:24.739
And then I really realized something.

0:09:26.063,0:09:29.845
“Why?” looks into the past,

0:09:31.467,0:09:33.238
but “what now?” ...

0:09:34.068,0:09:35.947
“What now?” looks to the future.

0:09:36.886,0:09:41.662
So, what if our approach[br]to trauma is all wrong?

0:09:41.994,0:09:44.713
What if instead of saying[br]“Why? Why? Why?”

0:09:44.713,0:09:47.970
and trying to understand[br]and justify in our heads

0:09:47.970,0:09:49.949
why these horrible things happen,

0:09:50.429,0:09:54.664
we instead say, “What now?[br]What are we going to do about it?

0:09:55.474,0:09:58.422
What can push us forward[br]and lead us through the trauma?”

0:09:58.422,0:10:01.517
And I argue that that is being of service.

0:10:01.517,0:10:04.389
That is doing something[br]that helps the greater good.

0:10:04.389,0:10:07.896
For me, creating my film,[br]when I set out,

0:10:07.896,0:10:10.926
I wanted to heal myself[br]and help one person,

0:10:10.926,0:10:13.145
because I could show in the film,

0:10:14.235,0:10:17.756
as plain as day, and be as honest[br]and open as I can for the camera

0:10:17.756,0:10:20.253
to show everything that’s going on

0:10:20.253,0:10:22.797
and to show that you can[br]really work through trauma.

0:10:22.797,0:10:26.244
That was my way of giving back[br]because I know that people would see this.

0:10:26.244,0:10:27.738
I had hoped to change one life,

0:10:27.738,0:10:31.171
and in fact I ended up[br]changing thousands of lives,

0:10:32.168,0:10:33.759
which is a really cool thing.

0:10:33.759,0:10:36.837
So anyways, back to this:[br]what if in our approach to trauma,

0:10:36.837,0:10:38.820
we lead ourselves through service

0:10:38.820,0:10:41.993
and that ends up pushing us[br]through the trauma?

0:10:41.993,0:10:48.255
See, I realized that my “what now” began[br]on the morning of December 31, 1989,

0:10:48.255,0:10:50.445
because I knew that my mother was dead,

0:10:52.015,0:10:54.042
but I knew I had to do something about it.

0:10:54.521,0:10:56.640
I worked with investigators,

0:10:56.640,0:10:58.568
I got into the courtroom, I testified,

0:10:58.568,0:11:01.395
and I had a whole wonderful community -

0:11:01.395,0:11:04.016
some of these individuals[br]are sitting in this audience -

0:11:04.016,0:11:05.649
that pillared me up,

0:11:05.649,0:11:07.567
that brought to me the resilience.

0:11:07.567,0:11:10.430
And my quest for resilience[br]continued then.

0:11:10.430,0:11:14.046
I was in high school,[br]I dove head-on into the arts,

0:11:14.046,0:11:16.746
because as a child,[br]growing up in this community,

0:11:16.746,0:11:19.509
we have always had wonderful art programs.

0:11:19.509,0:11:22.360
And art is what lead me through my trauma.

0:11:23.230,0:11:25.257
It lead me to create,

0:11:25.647,0:11:28.106
which helped me get to my “what now”

0:11:30.373,0:11:32.245
It’s a really wonderful place to be.

0:11:32.695,0:11:38.928
And that community continues to be with me[br]as I work in Los Angeles as a filmmaker,

0:11:39.288,0:11:41.546
because I have a different[br]group of friends now,

0:11:41.546,0:11:44.862
and a different community,[br]a more expanded community,

0:11:44.862,0:11:46.742
that also supports resilience

0:11:46.742,0:11:50.811
and that also understands[br]the “what now” of the world.

0:11:53.542,0:11:55.225
But don’t just take my word for it

0:11:55.225,0:11:58.651
because when you go through[br]these types of things,

0:11:58.651,0:12:00.555
you end up making other friends.

0:12:03.864,0:12:07.585
This is my friend James Gribble -[br]or Gribbs, as he likes to be called.

0:12:08.603,0:12:09.863
In 2008,

0:12:09.863,0:12:14.980
James set off on a life-changing journey[br]to travel the world for two years.

0:12:14.980,0:12:18.018
His first stop was[br]the African nation of Zambia,

0:12:18.398,0:12:21.438
where he was going to fish

0:12:22.028,0:12:25.369
for one the world’s rarest[br]and most prized fish to catch:

0:12:25.369,0:12:26.891
a tiger fish.

0:12:28.879,0:12:32.122
James arrived at this remote island[br]on the Zambezi River,

0:12:32.632,0:12:35.414
sat down on a stool and was dehydrated,

0:12:35.414,0:12:37.202
fainted onto sand

0:12:37.762,0:12:40.892
and broke his C4 and C5 vertebrae

0:12:40.892,0:12:44.333
and became a quadriplegic immediately.

0:12:46.710,0:12:48.197
But Gribbs didn’t …

0:12:49.427,0:12:51.104
didn’t say, “Why? Why?”

0:12:51.104,0:12:53.380
In fact, his father was a rugby coach,

0:12:53.380,0:12:57.636
took to his immediate rehabilitation,

0:12:57.636,0:12:59.505
his whole family rallied around him,

0:12:59.505,0:13:01.510
and James often said,

0:13:01.510,0:13:04.458
“You can’t feel sorry for me[br]because I don’t feel sorry for me.

0:13:04.458,0:13:06.368
I’m on my journey.”

0:13:06.368,0:13:08.694
And through doing that,

0:13:08.694,0:13:11.804
James had a passion, which was golf,

0:13:11.804,0:13:14.141
and James was determined[br]to get back on the links,

0:13:14.141,0:13:16.265
determined to rehabilitate himself.

0:13:16.265,0:13:19.499
So [after] tens of thousands[br]of hours of rehabilitation,

0:13:20.029,0:13:23.366
James partnered with a company in Germany,

0:13:23.716,0:13:27.164
and helped to bring to market [br]a device called

0:13:28.774,0:13:30.144
the ParaGolfer,

0:13:31.124,0:13:32.772
which put James back on the links.

0:13:32.772,0:13:35.232
Now, the ParaGolfer is designed

0:13:35.232,0:13:39.500
to help spinal cord victims,[br]stroke victims, get back and play sport.

0:13:41.042,0:13:45.643
James is also someone[br]who took his why, put it in the past

0:13:46.133,0:13:47.736
and faced the “what now.”

0:13:47.736,0:13:51.393
And the work that he has done[br]has been adopted by doctors and clinicians

0:13:51.393,0:13:53.801
in his native country of Australia

0:13:53.801,0:13:56.092
to treat spinal cord injury.

0:14:02.253,0:14:04.563
So when it comes to resilience,

0:14:05.833,0:14:07.718
it really is a team sport.

0:14:08.478,0:14:11.722
I wouldn’t be standing here[br]if it wasn’t for members of this audience

0:14:11.722,0:14:13.532
and the community that pillared me up.

0:14:13.532,0:14:16.870
I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t[br]for the resilience of the arts

0:14:16.870,0:14:18.401
and me diving into that.

0:14:19.991,0:14:22.255
When I was a freshman at music school,

0:14:23.245,0:14:25.219
I heard a great quote,

0:14:25.219,0:14:26.515
and it was by Aristotle.

0:14:26.515,0:14:30.088
It says, “We are what we repeatedly do.

0:14:31.048,0:14:34.870
Excellence, therefore,[br]is not an act, but a habit."

0:14:36.710,0:14:38.171
Well, so is resilience.

0:14:44.438,0:14:46.255
I’m here to say ...

0:14:48.306,0:14:51.566
biography is not destiny.

0:14:54.441,0:14:59.339
You can be both the author[br]and the audience of your life.

0:15:01.137,0:15:02.596
Thank you.

0:15:02.596,0:15:04.419
(Applause)