9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
00:02[br][laughs] [guitar playing][br]00:07[br]I'm gonna leave you with this little story, it's about this piece of music[br]00:10[br]It's a very popular piece of music, I'm sure you all know it but I'll sing the melody right now[br]00:15[br][singing] Ba, da da da, da da da, da da da da da da da[br]00:19[br]Yeah, Pachelbel's Canon in D[br]00:21[br]It's a big hit in the classical world and I know this because I'm a geek[br]00:24[br]I know what you're thinking: "Rob, you can't be a geek, you play guitar, you're so cool!"[br]00:30[br]O.K., you weren't thinking that, but I was[br]00:33[br]Well, I haven't always been this cool because I haven't always played guitar. I started out on the cello.[br]00:39[br]Yeah... the cello is a wonderful, beautiful instrument. it's cool to be an adult that plays the cello.[br]00:42[br]Being a kid that played the cello sucked.[br]00:45[br]'Cause there's no way to be cool when your instrument is larger than you[br]00:49[br]When you walk to school with a cello you're like a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti, man.[br]00:53[br]The bullies just smell you coming from a mile away[br]00:57[br]"Ooh, I don't know what that think is but I know I'm gonna break it."[br]01:01[br]But I put up with all of the abuse because I loved the music that we played.[br]01:03[br]I loved everything we played in orchestra...[br]01:06[br]except this.[br]01:08[br]I hate Pachelbel's Canon in D with a passion[br]01:11[br]I hate it so much because the cello part is the worst cello part[br]01:14[br]ever written in the history of cello parts[br]01:16[br]It's 8 quarter notes that we repeated over and over again, they are as follows:[br]01:20[br]D[br]01:21[br]A[br]01:23[br]B[br]01:24[br]F Sharp[br]01:25[br]G[br]01:27[br]D[br]01:28[br]G[br]01:30[br]A[br]01:31[br]And that's all we got to play.[br]01:34[br]We repeated those 8 notes 54 times.[br]01:37[br]I counted.[br]01:39[br]Because I had nothing else to do.[br]01:42[br]I would sit back and listen to the violins get lovely melodies[br]01:44[br]The violas would get lovely melodies[br]01:46[br]The second violins would get lovely melodies[br]01:48[br]which should just not happen[br]01:50[br]And the cello, we got stuck with 8 crappy, lousy, stinking notes.[br]01:53[br]And I began to wonder why. Why would Pachelbel do that to us? Such a beautiful instrument.[br]01:57[br]And my theory was he once dated a cellist[br]02:00[br]and she dissed him really bad[br]02:02[br]So for the rest of his life he came up with the worst cello parts he could ever think of[br]02:06[br]It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't hear him every day,[br]02:08[br]I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "Rob, don't listen to classical radio anymore."[br]02:11[br]I... it doesn't matter.[br]02:12[br]Pachelbel's following me.[br]02:14[br]It sounds paranoid but he's following you too. You hear him every day.[br]02:17[br]I don't know, I went to my step-nephew-in-law's 8th grade graduation[br]02:20[br]and their graduation song was a song by Vitamin C. No,[br]02:24[br][singing "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C] As we go on...[br]02:27[br]we'll remember... La, da da da, da da da da da da da da da da[br]02:31[br]So on the drive home I turned on some classic rock, some Aerosmith[br]02:34[br][singing Aerosmith's "Cryin'"] There was a time[br]02:38[br]when I was so broken hearted, La, da da da, da da da da da da[br]02:43[br]So I got home I thought I'd clear my mind with some folk music. No...[br]02:45[br][singing "One Tin Soldier" by Coven] Listen children to my story, It was written long ago[br]02:50[br]A-ba, da da da, da da da da da da da da da da[br]02:53[br]They do Pachelbel just like everybody does Pachelbel just to torment me![br]02:57[br]I don't even go to Taco Bell anymore because it sounds too close.[br]03:02[br]I hate Pachelbel with a passion, I don't even know his first name.[br]03:06[br]It's probably Johann. They're all named Johann![br]03:09[br]And when you think about it he's the original one hit wonder.[br]03:11[br]He had one hit 300 years ago it's my cross to bear my entire life.[br]03:15[br]Where are they now? That's what I want to know, where are you now, Pachelbel?[br]03:18[br]VH1's "I love the 1790s, where is it?"[br]03:23[br]And if he would just stay away from music that I love it would be better, but he won't[br]03:26[br]He is shameless. He will follow me to the ends of the earth.[br]03:29[br]I went to HORDE Festival thinking, "no, he couldn't possibly follow me to the HORDE Festival"[br]03:33[br]But you know who was at the HORDE Festival? Blues Traveler![br]03:35[br]So that means that Pachelbel was also at the HORDE Festival![br]03:38[br][singing "The Hook" by Blues Traveler] Suck it in, suck it in, suck it in, when you're Amber Lynn or Rin Tin Tin...[br]03:40[br]Make a desperate move and then you're in a-da da da da, da, da da da, da da da da da da[br]03:45[br]So I figure I'm gonna listen to punk rock for the rest of my life. No dice.[br]03:48[br][Singing Green Day's "Basket Case"] Do you have the time[br]03:50[br]to listen to me whine?[br]03:53[br]A-ba, da da da, da da da da da da da da da da, da, da da da, da da da da da da da da da da[br]03:58[br]You know I'm getting really bored[br]04:01[br]'Cause all songs have the same damn chords[br]04:04[br]Punk music is a joke[br]04:06[br]it's really just Baroque[br]04:08[br]Am I just paranoid, na na na[br]04:10[br]na na, na na, na na[br]04:13[br]I wanna push you around, I will, I will I wanna push you down, I will ("Push" by Matchbox 20 [not Saphire])[br]04:18[br]Whoa-ho, it's been good living with you ("Good" by Better Than Ezra)[br]04:19[br]In my machine head, is better than the rest My machine head, is better than the ("Machine Head" by Bush)[br]04:23[br]See the stone set in her eye, See the thorn twist in her ("With or Without You" by U2)[br]04:27[br]I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel, I am cold and I'm shamed, lying naked on the floor... ("Torn" by Natalie Imbru... whatever)[br]04:31[br]He was a boy, she was a girl, Could it be anymore obvious? ("Sk8r Boi" by Avril Lavigne)[br]04:34[br]We're not gonna take it, No, we ain't gonna take it! ("We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister)[br]04:38[br]On your mark, get set and go now Got a dream and we just know now (Theme from Laverne and Shirley, which was a popular sit-com in the 1970s)[br]04:42[br]No woman, cry-ee-i-ee-i ("No Woman, No Cry" by Bob Marley)[br]04:46[br]When I find myself in times of trouble Pachelbel's always follwing me (to the tune of "Let It Be" by the Beatles)[br]04:50[br]I'll see you in hell, Pachelbel![br]04:53[br]Oh Pachelbel, Pachelbel, I'll see your a** in hell![br]04:57[br]I'll see you in hell, Pachelbel![br]05:02[br]Thank you so much, Penn State! [crowd cheering][br]05:06[br]Enjoy the rest of the show! Thanks![br]05:11[br][Michael Showalter] Rob Paravonian!