0:00:00.000,0:00:02.000
What I thought I would do

0:00:02.000,0:00:04.000
is I would start with a simple request.

0:00:05.000,0:00:07.000
I'd like all of you

0:00:07.000,0:00:09.000
to pause for a moment,

0:00:09.000,0:00:11.000
you wretched weaklings,

0:00:11.000,0:00:14.000
and take stock of your miserable existence.

0:00:14.000,0:00:16.000
(Laughter)

0:00:18.000,0:00:20.000
Now that was the advice

0:00:20.000,0:00:22.000
that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers

0:00:22.000,0:00:24.000
in the fifth century.

0:00:24.000,0:00:26.000
It was the advice that I decided to follow myself

0:00:26.000,0:00:29.000
when I turned 40.

0:00:29.000,0:00:32.000
Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior --

0:00:32.000,0:00:34.000
I was eating too much, I was drinking too much,

0:00:34.000,0:00:36.000
I was working too hard

0:00:36.000,0:00:38.000
and I was neglecting the family.

0:00:38.000,0:00:40.000
And I decided that I would try

0:00:40.000,0:00:42.000
and turn my life around.

0:00:42.000,0:00:44.000
In particular, I decided

0:00:44.000,0:00:46.000
I would try to address the thorny issue

0:00:46.000,0:00:49.000
of work-life balance.

0:00:49.000,0:00:52.000
So I stepped back from the workforce,

0:00:52.000,0:00:55.000
and I spent a year at home

0:00:55.000,0:00:58.000
with my wife and four young children.

0:00:58.000,0:01:00.000
But all I learned about work-life balance

0:01:00.000,0:01:02.000
from that year

0:01:02.000,0:01:04.000
was that I found it quite easy

0:01:04.000,0:01:06.000
to balance work and life

0:01:06.000,0:01:08.000
when I didn't have any work.

0:01:08.000,0:01:12.000
(Laughter)

0:01:12.000,0:01:14.000
Not a very useful skill,

0:01:14.000,0:01:17.000
especially when the money runs out.

0:01:17.000,0:01:19.000
So I went back to work,

0:01:19.000,0:01:22.000
and I've spent these seven years since

0:01:22.000,0:01:25.000
struggling with, studying

0:01:25.000,0:01:28.000
and writing about work-life balance.

0:01:28.000,0:01:30.000
And I have four observations

0:01:30.000,0:01:32.000
I'd like to share with you today.

0:01:32.000,0:01:34.000
The first is:

0:01:34.000,0:01:37.000
if society's to make any progress on this issue,

0:01:37.000,0:01:40.000
we need an honest debate.

0:01:40.000,0:01:42.000
But the trouble is

0:01:42.000,0:01:44.000
so many people talk so much rubbish

0:01:44.000,0:01:46.000
about work-life balance.

0:01:47.000,0:01:49.000
All the discussions about flexi-time

0:01:49.000,0:01:52.000
or dress-down Fridays

0:01:52.000,0:01:54.000
or paternity leave

0:01:54.000,0:01:57.000
only serve to mask the core issue,

0:01:57.000,0:01:59.000
which is

0:01:59.000,0:02:02.000
that certain job and career choices

0:02:02.000,0:02:05.000
are fundamentally incompatible

0:02:05.000,0:02:07.000
with being meaningfully engaged

0:02:07.000,0:02:09.000
on a day-to-day basis

0:02:09.000,0:02:11.000
with a young family.

0:02:13.000,0:02:15.000
Now the first step in solving any problem

0:02:15.000,0:02:18.000
is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.

0:02:18.000,0:02:22.000
And the reality of the society that we're in

0:02:22.000,0:02:24.000
is there are thousands and thousands

0:02:24.000,0:02:26.000
of people out there

0:02:26.000,0:02:30.000
leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation,

0:02:30.000,0:02:32.000
where they work long, hard hours

0:02:32.000,0:02:34.000
at jobs they hate

0:02:34.000,0:02:36.000
to enable them to buy things they don't need

0:02:36.000,0:02:38.000
to impress people they don't like.

0:02:38.000,0:02:40.000
(Laughter)

0:02:40.000,0:02:43.000
(Applause)

0:02:43.000,0:02:47.000
It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt

0:02:47.000,0:02:49.000
isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.

0:02:49.000,0:02:52.000
(Laughter)

0:02:53.000,0:02:55.000
The second observation I'd like to make

0:02:55.000,0:02:57.000
is we need to face the truth

0:02:57.000,0:02:59.000
that governments and corporations

0:02:59.000,0:03:02.000
aren't going to solve this issue for us.

0:03:02.000,0:03:04.000
We should stop looking outside.

0:03:04.000,0:03:06.000
It's up to us as individuals

0:03:06.000,0:03:09.000
to take control and responsibility

0:03:09.000,0:03:12.000
for the type of lives that we want to lead.

0:03:12.000,0:03:14.000
If you don't design your life,

0:03:14.000,0:03:17.000
someone else will design it for you,

0:03:17.000,0:03:19.000
and you may just not like

0:03:19.000,0:03:21.000
their idea of balance.

0:03:21.000,0:03:24.000
It's particularly important --

0:03:24.000,0:03:26.000
this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired --

0:03:26.000,0:03:28.000
it's particularly important

0:03:28.000,0:03:31.000
that you never put the quality of your life

0:03:31.000,0:03:34.000
in the hands of a commercial corporation.

0:03:35.000,0:03:38.000
Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies --

0:03:38.000,0:03:41.000
the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them.

0:03:41.000,0:03:43.000
(Laughter)

0:03:43.000,0:03:46.000
I'm talking about all companies.

0:03:46.000,0:03:48.000
Because commercial companies

0:03:48.000,0:03:50.000
are inherently designed

0:03:50.000,0:03:52.000
to get as much out of you [as]

0:03:52.000,0:03:54.000
they can get away with.

0:03:54.000,0:03:56.000
It's in their nature; it's in their DNA;

0:03:56.000,0:03:58.000
it's what they do --

0:03:58.000,0:04:01.000
even the good, well-intentioned companies.

0:04:01.000,0:04:03.000
On the one hand,

0:04:03.000,0:04:05.000
putting childcare facilities in the workplace

0:04:05.000,0:04:07.000
is wonderful and enlightened.

0:04:07.000,0:04:09.000
On the other hand, it's a nightmare --

0:04:09.000,0:04:12.000
it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.

0:04:14.000,0:04:16.000
We have to be responsible

0:04:16.000,0:04:18.000
for setting and enforcing

0:04:18.000,0:04:21.000
the boundaries that we want in our life.

0:04:22.000,0:04:24.000
The third observation is

0:04:24.000,0:04:26.000
we have to be careful

0:04:26.000,0:04:29.000
with the time frame that we choose

0:04:29.000,0:04:32.000
upon which to judge our balance.

0:04:33.000,0:04:35.000
Before I went back to work

0:04:35.000,0:04:37.000
after my year at home,

0:04:37.000,0:04:39.000
I sat down

0:04:39.000,0:04:41.000
and I wrote out

0:04:41.000,0:04:44.000
a detailed, step-by-step description

0:04:44.000,0:04:47.000
of the ideal balanced day

0:04:47.000,0:04:49.000
that I aspired to.

0:04:49.000,0:04:52.000
And it went like this:

0:04:52.000,0:04:54.000
wake up well rested

0:04:54.000,0:04:56.000
after a good night's sleep.

0:04:56.000,0:04:58.000
Have sex.

0:04:59.000,0:05:01.000
Walk the dog.

0:05:01.000,0:05:04.000
Have breakfast with my wife and children.

0:05:04.000,0:05:06.000
Have sex again.

0:05:06.000,0:05:09.000
(Laughter)

0:05:09.000,0:05:12.000
Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.

0:05:12.000,0:05:14.000
Do three hours' work.

0:05:14.000,0:05:17.000
Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.

0:05:17.000,0:05:19.000
Do another three hours' work.

0:05:19.000,0:05:22.000
Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.

0:05:23.000,0:05:25.000
Drive home for dinner

0:05:25.000,0:05:28.000
with my wife and kids.

0:05:28.000,0:05:31.000
Meditate for half an hour.

0:05:31.000,0:05:33.000
Have sex.

0:05:33.000,0:05:36.000
Walk the dog. Have sex again.

0:05:36.000,0:05:39.000
Go to bed.

0:05:39.000,0:05:44.000
(Applause)

0:05:44.000,0:05:46.000
How often do you think I have that day?

0:05:46.000,0:05:49.000
(Laughter)

0:05:49.000,0:05:51.000
We need to be realistic.

0:05:51.000,0:05:53.000
You can't do it all in one day.

0:05:53.000,0:05:56.000
We need to elongate the time frame

0:05:56.000,0:05:58.000
upon which we judge the balance in our life,

0:05:58.000,0:06:00.000
but we need to elongate it

0:06:00.000,0:06:02.000
without falling into the trap

0:06:02.000,0:06:05.000
of the "I'll have a life when I retire,

0:06:05.000,0:06:07.000
when my kids have left home,

0:06:07.000,0:06:10.000
when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing,

0:06:10.000,0:06:12.000
I've got no mates or interests left."

0:06:12.000,0:06:14.000
(Laughter)

0:06:14.000,0:06:17.000
A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long.

0:06:17.000,0:06:20.000
There's got to be a middle way.

0:06:21.000,0:06:23.000
A fourth observation:

0:06:23.000,0:06:25.000
We need to approach balance

0:06:25.000,0:06:28.000
in a balanced way.

0:06:28.000,0:06:30.000
A friend came to see me last year --

0:06:30.000,0:06:33.000
and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year

0:06:33.000,0:06:35.000
and said, "Nigel, I've read your book.

0:06:35.000,0:06:38.000
And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.

0:06:38.000,0:06:41.000
It's totally dominated by work.

0:06:41.000,0:06:44.000
I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day.

0:06:44.000,0:06:46.000
All of my relationships have failed.

0:06:46.000,0:06:48.000
There's nothing in my life

0:06:48.000,0:06:50.000
apart from my work.

0:06:50.000,0:06:53.000
So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.

0:06:53.000,0:06:55.000
So I joined a gym."

0:06:55.000,0:06:58.000
(Laughter)

0:06:58.000,0:07:01.000
Now I don't mean to mock,

0:07:01.000,0:07:05.000
but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat

0:07:05.000,0:07:08.000
isn't more balanced; it's more fit.

0:07:08.000,0:07:10.000
(Laughter)

0:07:10.000,0:07:13.000
Lovely though physical exercise may be,

0:07:13.000,0:07:15.000
there are other parts to life --

0:07:15.000,0:07:17.000
there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side;

0:07:17.000,0:07:19.000
there's the spiritual side.

0:07:19.000,0:07:21.000
And to be balanced,

0:07:21.000,0:07:23.000
I believe we have to attend

0:07:23.000,0:07:25.000
to all of those areas --

0:07:25.000,0:07:28.000
not just do 50 stomach crunches.

0:07:28.000,0:07:30.000
Now that can be daunting.

0:07:30.000,0:07:33.000
Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.

0:07:33.000,0:07:35.000
You want me to go to church and call my mother."

0:07:35.000,0:07:37.000
And I understand.

0:07:37.000,0:07:40.000
I truly understand how that can be daunting.

0:07:40.000,0:07:43.000
But an incident that happened a couple of years ago

0:07:43.000,0:07:45.000
gave me a new perspective.

0:07:45.000,0:07:48.000
My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today,

0:07:48.000,0:07:51.000
called me up at the office

0:07:51.000,0:07:54.000
and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" --

0:07:54.000,0:07:56.000
Harry -- "up from school."

0:07:56.000,0:07:59.000
Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.

0:07:59.000,0:08:02.000
So I left work an hour early that afternoon

0:08:02.000,0:08:05.000
and picked Harry up at the school gates.

0:08:06.000,0:08:08.000
We walked down to the local park,

0:08:08.000,0:08:11.000
messed around on the swings, played some silly games.

0:08:11.000,0:08:14.000
I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe,

0:08:14.000,0:08:17.000
and we shared a pizza for two,

0:08:17.000,0:08:19.000
then walked down the hill to our home,

0:08:19.000,0:08:21.000
and I gave him his bath

0:08:21.000,0:08:24.000
and put him in his Batman pajamas.

0:08:24.000,0:08:26.000
I then read him a chapter

0:08:26.000,0:08:29.000
of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach."

0:08:29.000,0:08:31.000
I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

0:08:31.000,0:08:33.000
gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate,"

0:08:33.000,0:08:35.000
and walked out of his bedroom.

0:08:35.000,0:08:37.000
As I was walking out of his bedroom,

0:08:37.000,0:08:40.000
he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?"

0:08:40.000,0:08:42.000
He went, "Dad, this has been the best day

0:08:42.000,0:08:45.000
of my life, ever."

0:08:47.000,0:08:50.000
I hadn't done anything,

0:08:50.000,0:08:53.000
hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.

0:08:53.000,0:08:55.000
Now my point is

0:08:55.000,0:08:58.000
the small things matter.

0:08:58.000,0:09:00.000
Being more balanced

0:09:00.000,0:09:03.000
doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.

0:09:03.000,0:09:05.000
With the smallest investment

0:09:05.000,0:09:07.000
in the right places,

0:09:07.000,0:09:10.000
you can radically transform the quality of your relationships

0:09:10.000,0:09:12.000
and the quality of your life.

0:09:12.000,0:09:14.000
Moreover, I think,

0:09:14.000,0:09:17.000
it can transform society.

0:09:17.000,0:09:19.000
Because if enough people do it,

0:09:19.000,0:09:22.000
we can change society's definition of success

0:09:22.000,0:09:25.000
away from the moronically simplistic notion

0:09:25.000,0:09:29.000
that the person with the most money when he dies wins,

0:09:29.000,0:09:32.000
to a more thoughtful and balanced definition

0:09:32.000,0:09:36.000
of what a life well lived looks like.

0:09:36.000,0:09:38.000
And that, I think,

0:09:38.000,0:09:40.000
is an idea worth spreading.

0:09:40.000,0:09:43.000
(Applause)