(cheering)

KEVIN: All right! (cheers) Welcome! Is my mic on?
It's on, whoa, yeah, welcome to the very first

inaugural premiere edition of Critical Role live!
Guys, my name's Kevin. I am the social media

director for Geek and Sundry-- yes, thank you very
much, I am indeed a very cool person. I've been

with Geek and Sundry for about eight months now,
it was really intimidating at first because I kept

mixing up Vax and Vex. Yeah, I still mix up Vax
and Vex. But okay, what I was going to say was

that Critical Role fans are the warmest, most
welcoming fans.

(cheering)

KEVIN: Yeah! Except for that guy. Right? But no, I
love you guys, give yourselves a big hand, thank

you so much.

(cheering)

KEVIN: I want you guys to know, this is our first
time doing this, this is as I said the first

inaugural premiere, they're all synonyms, right?
So if you're like me you're extremely excited. But

please remember that all the people at home are
still watching, say hi to the people at home, hi

people at home.

AUDIENCE: Hi!

KEVIN: Right? So please do me a favor, put your
phones on silent, all right? The house lights are

going to be kind of dim, so you can use your
phones, you can tweet, you can do social media

posts, whatever you want, if there's a Cubone
somewhere please let me know, tweet at me. I need

like ten Cubones. So yeah, just put everything on
silent and be silent about it. You can tweet about

the show, please use the hashtag
#CriticalRoleLive, surprisingly enough. Do me

another favor, don't do the concert pic thing
where you put your phone up and record for ten

minutes at a time, because there are people behind
you, as you may or may not know, so I'd really

appreciate that. The other thing is, this not a
Rocky Horror thing, so don't shout out like, I

would like to rage. Don't do that stuff, don't
"how do you want to do this?" Don't do that stuff.

Be respectful of the people on stage. Think of
this as a funny play. You can laugh, you can woo,

but maybe don't shout out suggestions. Especially
the suggestions that I know a lot of you have in

your heads, right? Wait, I have one other thing.
There's a merch thing. The merch table's going to

be open after the show, is that right? Yes. After
the show, the merch table's going to be open, so

if you didn't get a chance to get merch, you're
going to get another chance to get merch, so don't

worry about that. Is there something else? VIPs
will get your posters after, so if you're a VIP,

you'll get a poster, just come-- where? Upstairs.
Okay. Don't worry. Right. Thank you. Let's hear it

for Claudia once again, guys.

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right, so, do you guys want to bring
them out?

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right. Let's start with the master of
dick-lightning and shit-scrying, playing Scanlan

Shorthalt, Mr. Sam Riegel!

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right!

SAM: Thanks! You get a car! You get a car! You get
a car!

KEVIN: Guys, get your tickets to the gun show,
because the gun show's coming to town. Playing

Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klossowski de
Rolo III of Whitestone. Yeah, right, right.

Taliesin, let's bring him out, Taliesin Jaffe!

(cheering)

KEVIN: Guys, put your hands together, put your
antlers on your head, for Keyleth. Marisha Ray!

(cheering)

KEVIN: Is she here? She's so stealthy, I don't
understand.

MARISHA: I'm an independent woman, all right?

TALIESIN: Never mind, I give up.

KEVIN: All right, let's bring out the man I have a
massive man-crush on--

SAM: I'm already here!

KEVIN: Liam O'Brien as Vax'ildan!

(cheering)

LIAM: What the hell!

KEVIN: This next woman was stuffing exotic animals
into tiny balls before it was cool. Laura Bailey

as Vex'ahlia!

(cheering)

KEVIN: She's got the hipster glasses to prove it.

LAURA: Yeah, that's right. It's not for seeing at
all, I don't...

KEVIN: And the next guy, the next guy, get out
your tubs of mayo for Mr. Travis Willingham as

Grog freaking Strongjaw!

(cheering and chanting)

KEVIN: All right, let's, let's bring it down.
Guys, there are certain names that people whisper

with reverence. Because those names belong to the
breakthrough artists in their field. Jim Henson,

Bob Dylan, Madame Curie.

(laughter)

KEVIN: Tonight we have one of those names with us.
You may know him. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Matt

Mercer.

(cheering)

MATT: Oh boy. That's a lot, that's a lot of
people.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: All righty, let me shore up my positioning
here on the camera for you fine folks and open my

energy drink because that's what makes this show
happen.

TRAVIS: Caffeine and drugs.

MATT: (shushing noises) Anyway, welcome everybody
to our first Critical Role live, all of you folks

there on the internet and everyone here in person
in Los Angeles, California.

(cheering)

MATT: Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of
us nerdy-ass voice actors get together, roll dice,

and play Dungeons and Dragons. Tonight we have a
fantastic pick-up of last week's story where the

adventuring party Vox Machina found themselves
wandering through the Feywild. However, before

that happens, let us get to our fantastic sponsor
for the evening. Once again, this episode is

brought to you by Loot Crate, they've been
awesome. So thank you guys so much.

(cheering)

MATT: The current Loot Crate theme for July is
Futuristic, includes a lot of awesome Rick and

Morty, Futurama, Mega Man, Valiant Comic stuff,
Star Trek, that fun element there. We've got music

playing, it's on. Oh man, I feel like things are
happening.

SAM: Music's working?

LAURA: Music works, you guys, music works.

MATT: There we go. Perfect. Tech stuff is coming
together. Yeah, so Futuristic is their crate theme

this month. We also have the anime Loot Crate is
themed Squadron. Has a bunch of stuff from Gundam,

Gate, Arpeggio of Blue Steel, Antimagic Academy, a
lot of exclusive stuff, of course you guys can go

ahead and get $3 off a subscription by going to
lootcrate.com/criticalrole and putting in

"criticalrole," one word, in your nice little Loot
Crate subscription bonus.

TRAVIS: I chew on Goku's head a lot. I'm a
fixated-- it's cool.

MATT: And the paint is actually healthy to eat,
apparently. That's not at all the reason why

Grog's intelligence is that low. So, if you
haven't checked it out yet, check out Loot Crate,

thank you guys so much for sponsoring our show, we
love you. Great. So. Next up we have-- we recently

had a t-shirt contest, didn't we? Laura, if you
want to take that away for me.

LAURA: Oh, this? Okay, so I get to announce who
the official winner is?

MATT: You do, actually, yeah.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Okay. So
the official winner of the first Critter contest

is... Against the Chroma Conclave, designed by
Antmageddon!

(cheering)

LAURA: So! As of right now, that shirt is
available in the Geek and Sundry store for

preorder. It's going to be there for I think two
weeks? And it's available in sizes small through

3XL, which we're really excited about. And yeah,
so that's that, so.

TRAVIS: Go get one!

LAURA: Go you guys for voting on that, you rock,
even with shenanigans.

MATT: There were so many amazing contenders for
that contest that the community puts out, so we--

MARISHA: And we got hacked, which means we made
it.

MATT: Yay! Next announcement I have, when I
arrived here I discovered that there was an actual

PokeGym as a part of this mall, I'd like to ask
Team Valor to go ahead and make sure that shit

leaves red.

(cheering and booing)

TRAVIS: What a response!

LAURA: That was a mixed reaction.

MATT: Look, the whole San Fernando Valley's blue,
okay, give me something! All right, anyway. Yeah,

it's become a thing. And we have another cool
announcement. Travis, do you want to take it away

on that one?

TRAVIS: Yes we do, the response to this live event
was so amazing that we are super stoked to

announce that we are going to also be doing
Critical Role live in Indianapolis during GenCon

on August 6, Saturday night. Tickets will go on
sale- I think they're on sale now.

LAURA: Right now.

TRAVIS: Right now, so if you want to like,
silently on your phone or just ignore it because

it's a much bigger venue, so tickets should be
available, but we're all going to be in

Indianapolis on Saturday night and GenCon to roll
some dice with you bitches live.

(cheering)

MATT: Hell yeah. So if this wasn't nerve-wracking
enough for me, we have another one in a

couple of weeks.

TRAVIS: Pressure's on, dude, pressure's on!

MATT: But I'm super stoked, it's going to be my
first time at GenCon, I've been wanting to go for

many years and this is a nice way to go, I guess.
So. Check it out. Hopefully we'll see you guys

there. That brings us to the end of our
announcements and will bring us down--

LAURA: Wait. Before we go into not-regular
announcements, should we make sure that people

know that we're not having an episode next week
because of Comic-Con?

MATT: That's true, actually, yeah.

SAM: Way to bring down the room.

LAURA: I'm sorry, guys.

MATT: Because all the company, everyone's going to
be at Comic-Con doing panels and scheduling and

stuff, there will be no episode next week, but I
promise that we'll make the episode the week after

that extra cool.

(cheering)

MATT: I hope. So yeah, let's go ahead and dive
into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

SAM: We're on!

(cheering)

MATT: All right, all right, we've got to do a
story here! It's appreciated, but--

SAM: We should probably just finish.

MATT: All right, so, bringing us in now, back to
tonight's episode of Critical Role. Guys, pay

attention.

LIAM: Illithid syphilis.

MATT: The camera's already on.

LIAM: Yeah. Okay.

MATT: So. Our intrepid band of adventurers, Vox
Machina, found themselves recently traversing the

Feywild in search of another Vestige of
Divergence. In doing so, they managed to find an

old friend in the nymph Nahla, acquired some
information, trading a book, and found their way

towards the ever-shifting grasses northward in
search of where the Divergence, the object of the

Divergence lies. In doing so, they found a new
ally, a new friend. A little satyr by the name of,

where is it here--

ALL: Garmelie.

MATT: Garmelie, thank you. Now Garmelie, who had
made some really interesting sketches of the party

upon being caught was then dragged into Scanlan's
magnificent mansion, at which Pike asked him to

make a fantastic mural for the interior of that
place, which I think still resides there to this

day. And on the internet, as we've discovered.
Upon traveling further north, hopefully to find

their final destination in the form of the
Shademirk Bog, where the Fenthras bow seemingly

exists, you instead came upon Syngorn, the city
from the youthful days of Vex and Vax. Upon

speaking to the head-- pardon me; you see, all the
nerves gets the belching out. It works out well.

Upon encountering Watcher Iova watching the gate,
recognizing the twins, let them within the actual

city of Syngorn. And that is where we left off.
So, as you guys walk through the beautiful verdant

city, tall seemingly endless trees around you,
many buildings naturally formed and built from

smoothly carved stone, various ancient <i>sigils</i>
carved throughout the entire cityscape, the very

heavy-armored Verdant Guard gathered in places,
and a general air of intensity and building

military might within the city of Syngorn, you
have your invisible companion Garmelie, who at

some point in the near future agreed to tell you
what it is he wishes you to steal for him as part

of the deal that was made by the twins. So. What
would you like to do?

LIAM: I feel like I should be very stern right
now, but I can't stop smiling.

TRAVIS: You're gloomy. Lock it up, here we go.

LAURA: I feel like the first thing we need to do
is go see our father.

LIAM: Right off the bat?

LAURA: He's the one that's going to give us access
to the rest of the city.

LIAM: All right. Is Iova still here, or has she
trundled off?

MATT: She's walked off. She literally let you guys
in the city and went, do what you've got to do,

and then turned away and the rest of the guards--

LAURA: Oh seriously, so like... no, no the guard
is following us.

LIAM: And we remember where we're going, right,
because it's all the same as it was.

MATT: The city is the same as it was.

LIAM: Well, I imagine we'd go to his home. Our
home. His home.

LAURA: What time is it? I mean, we don't know what
time it is.

TALIESIN: It's dusk.

LAURA: Thank you, Percy.

SAM: But we just woke up.

LAURA: All right. Okay.

LIAM: Look at all those elves.

LAURA: So many elves.

TRAVIS: Is the little satyr-- is he holding onto
my skirts, basically?

MATT: You actually don't feel a general presence,
and then as you move you feel a

slight tug at your belt.

TRAVIS: Right, so can I like, how far away is that
guard that's on our tail?

MATT: About 15, 20 feet back.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. Can I like super slyly whisper,
okay, so at any point are you going to tell us

what it is you want us to fucking steal?

MATT: You hear a whispered voice that curls up by
your ear, strangely given the fact that he's so

small, so the voice is being thrown right into the
side of your eardrum, goes, "Just be quiet! Find a

"place in which we can speak privately, and then I
will be happy to tell you. Shh! Stop talking to

"the air; it upsets them."

TRAVIS: It's really quite normal for me.

LAURA: Hey, Grog. You should really watch that gas
of yours with him back there.

TRAVIS: Oh, you're so right. Hey, pull my finger.
(fart sound)

MATT: (coughs)

TRAVIS: Yeah. That's the family reserve. Oh, he
said we're supposed to find somewhere

quiet to talk.

LIAM: Maybe we should do that first, actually.

LAURA: We have guards fucking following us. We have
to go find our father.

TALIESIN: We also don't know where we're sleeping
tonight, or whether or not it's even permissible.

We should probably have a conversation with
whoever's in charge. Is your father in charge?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: Ish.

TALIESIN: Ish.

LIAM: He's a bureaucrat.

TALIESIN: Excellent.

(laughter)

LIAM: All right, let's go see Dad, then.

MARISHA: (whispers) Grog.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: (whispers) Your pants, they're sagging a
little bit, why?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: (whispers) They're sagging.

TRAVIS: Oh, it's like the new rage amongst the
kids. It gives me super street cred.

MARISHA: Where's Garmelie?

LAURA: Keyleth, shut up about Garmelie!

TRAVIS: Yeah, ix-nay on the Garmelie-- I think I'm
doing Pig Latin wrong. Yeah.

LIAM: It's this way. And I start walking off
towards Dad's house.

TALIESIN: I'm going to follow the twins.

SAM: Sounds good.

MARISHA: I look regal and as we pass elves I say,
good day.

MATT: The few that look in your direction,
Keyleth, take a moment to nod, look you over and

then continue walking, seemingly perturbed by the
sudden interaction and the immediate realization

that you're not of full blood.

LAURA: Yeah, sorry Keyleth, your ears aren't large
enough.

MARISHA: That's not normally what people tell me.

SAM: It's not the size of your ears...

MARISHA: That's right.

MATT: So. As you guys continue following Vax'ildan
towards the abode of their father, you keep an eye

out towards the rest of Syngorn proper. You see
the further into the city you go, interspersed with

a few Emon guards, you see a handful of
individuals that are human, and they're dressed in

the actual attire of the guards of Emon, and
they're intermingling right now with the Verdant

Guard, the military might within Syngorn.

MARISHA: What were the name of the guards in Emon?
Did they have a name?

MATT: The Emon guard.

MARISHA: Yeah, totally.

MATT: There is a name, and it's somewhere in my
notes but we're good.

TALIESIN: From this perspective, I can see your
panic folder. It's so exciting. That's where the

magic happens.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's true, we never really see
that!

TALIESIN: This is exciting for us.

(laughter)

MATT: So. You guys continue making your way
towards the abode. After traversing on the

outskirts of what would be the tangleward side of
the city, the eastern side, you travel in through

an area of buildings that are very beautifully
crafted, many of which seem to have stemmed from

some sort of a tree growth, but upon closer look
you can see that it's actually carved stone to

resemble a tree. And then it eventually rises up
into a somewhat spherical building, and there are

many that build off of that to create this kind of
neighborhood of various elven abodes within

Syngorn.

LIAM: Fucking hate this place.

LAURA: Me, too. It's hideous.

MARISHA: This is gorgeous. Look at the
craftsmanship. It's incredible.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day.

MATT: You make your way towards the end of this
particular--

(laughter)

MATT: The guards still keeping track behind you.
You find your way to the end of the main road, and

it splits into two smaller avenues. You know to
take the left that leads deeper into the more

political family houses of Syngorn. While your
family is not a political house per se, your

father, as an ambassador to Emon, was given a home
in this location. It is your old home, although it

appears to have been even further renovated and is
much nicer than you remember, but the door is

closed and the dusk sun leads you to pause as you
look upon the outside of this abode you have not

seen in many, many years.

SAM: Do you want me to burn it down?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: No, just seriously, you seem super gloomy.
Are we getting in a fight?

LAURA: No. No fights.

MATT: The guards now step up and flank a little
bit, keeping a close eye as you've now approached and

effectively knocked on the handle of a relatively
middle-to-high-ranking individual within Syngorean

society. Eventually the door opens and you see a
woman standing there: bright blonde hair, braided

and tied up in the back. She's wearing more of a
work-gown for the day. You recognize her as

Devana, the new wife of Syldor, the one that you
had once met before in Emon when you guys came

upon your father last time. As the door opens up,
she looks out for a second, taking in the whole

group that has gathered on the outside of their
home and goes, "My god. Vax'ildan, Vex'ahlia, we

"weren't expecting you!"

LAURA: No. I can't imagine you were. Is he here?

MATT: "He is."

LAURA: What time is it?

MATT: She glances out, looks up. "That's always a
good question. The longer we stay in these realms,

"the more confused my daughter becomes."

LIAM: How long has that been?

MATT: "Weeks now, I assume. Best that our
timepieces can keep."

LAURA: Is Velora around?

MATT: "She is, would you like to see her?"

LAURA: Of course.

MATT: "Come in. Is it just you two?"

LAURA and LIAM: No.

LAURA: It's everyone.

TRAVIS: Hi.

LAURA: And Trinket, you remember Trinket.

MATT: (bear noises) Nudges your arm to the side
and comes forward and sniffs out to Devana. She

shrinks back a little bit and reaches her hand out
to the nose and taps the edge of Trinket's face,

and Trinket licks her fingers.

MARISHA: Good day.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day. They respond better if you say
"good day" and if you have your head up.

TRAVIS: If we say "bidet?"

MARISHA: Bidet, yes. Good day.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

TALIESIN: So close. So very close.

MATT: The two guards closest to you, within their
helmets their eyes narrow, they look at each other

and shake their heads.

TRAVIS: Oh, bidet.

LIAM: Your accent is perfect. Don't change a
thing.

MATT: Devana goes, "Very well. If you would all
proceed to be quiet if you could, Syldor is

"working. And you may stay outside," she says to
the guards.

And they both, "We were given orders, milady,
to--"

"I understand that. But this is already a lot of
people in our home. Stay close within earshot,

"it'll be fine. I trust them." The guards, (sighs)

LAURA: I wink at them as I walk inside.

MATT: No reaction whatsoever. You guys make your
way into the home and are immediately caught with

a very strong smell of cedar. It's a very
pleasant-smelling home, and the hearth is warm.

It's everything you wanted your home to be, and it
immediately hits you to walk in here and see this

kind of life away from a life, seeing elements of
it that remind you of your childhood, things about

it that flag memories to your head of good times
and bad, in just a few mere moments. And at that

same time, there's a sadness because so much of it
has changed, so much of it seems better than the

memory. And for a moment there, you feel a little
tinge of wondering how different it might've been.

At which point that thought process is broken as
Devana steps in and goes,

"Would anyone like tea, perhaps?"

SAM: Sure, yes, do you have an oolong?

MARISHA: Maybe a chamomile, it would be great.

MATT: "Something like that, yes. It's been a
little scarce in the Feywilds. More difficult to

"farm herbs here than you'd think."

MARISHA: Oh, here. I pull out some herbs that I
brought from my garden.

Some glisfoil and other things.

MATT: "Thank you. Appreciate that."

MARISHA: They won't scream at you when you pick
them. Good. It's good.

MATT: "Thank you. What was your name again?"

MARISHA: Oh, I'm Keyleth of the Ashari.

MATT: "A pleasure to meet you again--"

MARISHA: Good day.

MATT: "That's, that's really not necessary in my
home. You, sir, your name?"

TALIESIN: Whatever's available would be just
fine.

SAM and MARISHA: I think she means your name.

MATT: "That's a curious title."

MARISHA: But you can call him whatever's
available, as well.

MATT: "Very well, coffee table. What's your
name?"

(laughter)

LIAM: It's easier than the actual name.

TALIESIN: For you, it is just Percival, and I am
another visiting royal from man's world.

MATT: "All right. You, sir?"

SAM: I am called the Kingslayer, Chuck Norris,
Burt Reynolds. I have many names. You see, when

you've traveled a road as long as I have--

MATT: "Black tea, got it. And you, sir, the large
one?"

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Bidet. The name is Grog.

MATT: "Very well. I'll return with Syldor once he
knows you're here. It may be a while if you don't

"mind waiting, but the tea will come out
posthaste."

LAURA: And Velora? Where's she?

MATT: "Let me get her for you, she'll be very like
to see both of you, she asks from time to time."

She brushes a little lock of hair that's fallen in
front of her face behind her ear, and smiles and

darts off towards the kitchen. A few moments pass with
you guys sitting in awkward silence, looking about

the space in the vicinity. Looks to the twins.
Eventually Devana comes out and sets tea for all

of you across the central table in this meeting
area, and behind her you see, clutching the edge

of the skirt, you see this tiny, long brown hair
that is braided, but the braid's coming undone,

tomboyish looking elven girl that peeks around the
side of her dress and hides

again behind the back.

[high-pitched noise]

MATT: Welcome back, sorry about that.

(cheering)

SAM: What a battle!

MATT: The technical aspects. We're working through
it, but we got through it, thank you for your

patience. So the last few minutes, we're not quite
sure how much you guys may have missed, but the

party wiped. We're rolling up new characters. No,
for the Monday episode we'll go ahead and make

sure to splice in anything that may have been
missed for the past minute. But the party had come

to the home of Syldor, the father of Vax and Vex.
They had a brief discussion with Devana, his new

wife. They were given tea after introductions and
then briefly discussed the merits of being a

warrior with their half-sister Velora Vessar, and
upon discussing apparently a war of some kind,

Syldor made his way into the room, and you look
and you see the long dark hair of Syldor, his pale

complexion, his stern face, staring back at you
all from within the doorway as he closes it behind

him and steps into the room. You see Devana sits
up now and comes over to him and says,

"My dear, would you like us to leave you alone?"

He goes, "Don't worry, it will be fine. Have a
seat. Besides, we're all family.

"Well, some of us, at least." 
And he looks over to Grog.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

(laughter)

MATT: "Good day, indeed." He comes up and sits,
and he's wearing long, dark brown robes with

golden and red embroidery on the side, but it's
very casual home wear, and he sits down, pulling

up a chair across from you guys in this area, and
takes one of the cups of tea and sips it. And you

can see there's an intensity to his face. He's
here, and he looks like he's partially

inconvenienced by your presence like he always
did, but he also looks like he hasn't slept well,

there's some dark circles under his eyes and he
seems a little distracted for such a climactic

re-meeting.

LAURA: Surprise!

MATT: "Surprise, indeed. So. It's good to see you
both. Glad you're in good health. You've come

"quite a ways to come speak with me, being as we
currently reside within the Feywild."

LIAM: It's a little bit further than we thought
we'd have to travel, why... the presence around

the city we're seeing? We understand why you fled,
but what's going on?

MATT: "Look. We had the entire Fort Daxio army
down here and we were to give aid to push into the

"nearby mountain range where apparently there was
an influx of lizardfolk, had been a continuous

"problem, and apparently a break had been seen
somewhere. However, we had sent most of our forces

"into the mountain range and then received word
that three great drakes were making their way

"straight toward Syngorn after the destruction of
Emon. Knowing that, we had no recourse but to flee

"and prepare when it was time. Had we stood our
ground, we would be the same burning crater that

"your fair city is now."

LAURA: So you intend to go back? You're amassing
this army to go back and join the fight.

MATT: "That is exactly what we're doing. The
remnants of the Emon army we currently have here

"in the city, we've been building armor and weapons
to make sure the most sure-footed and

"strong-of-arm men and women of our fair city can
make it to that battlefield

"and tear that beast down."

LAURA: That's wonderful news.

MATT: "Good. Why are you here?"

TALIESIN: We are here on a very similar range of
business, to be honest.

MATT: "And you are?"

TALIESIN: Ah, yes. Percival Fredrickstein von
Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III of the royal house

of Whitestone, representative of man's world, here
on very important business dealing with dragons.

We are looking for some objects: a few things that
may help us in our fight against these dragons

that have attacked us. We've already made headway
against them, and we've already made headway on

our quest to destroy them. Any help that your
wonderful city could provide would be most

agreeable.

MATT: "Well. We currently have all of our
resources engaged in our plans of attack. There is

"not much we could offer you other than, if you
wish to stay here within the city, we could

"provide a place to sleep, food, and when the time
is right you may join our ranks into the fray."

LIAM: We've come to the Feywild for something
specific.

MARISHA: We're trying to head to the Shademirk
Bog.

MATT: "Why on earth would you be heading to the
Shademirk?"

MARISHA: We're looking for the bow of Fenthras. It
supposedly lives inside of a cancerous tree.

MATT: "Right. Well. Good luck with that."

LAURA: Do you think it's possible?

MATT: "I think it's a fool's errand to chase a
fleeting rumor into a location that is known to

"devour and destroy anyone who steps within its
bounds. But by all means, you've always been ones

"seeking the darkness."

LIAM: He and I are wearing fleeting rumors. That
one's got one hidden up his butt.

(laughter)

MATT: You hear Velora chuckle. Devana's like,
"Shh! Quiet!"

LAURA: I want to pull Velora over and sit her in
my lap.

MATT: She (raspberry noise) at her mom as you pick
her up there. You can see Devana smiles as she

does so.

LIAM: Syldor, we have killed two of these dragons
already. Nothing could please me more to hear that

you are amassing forces here to go back; that is
possibly the greatest thing I've ever heard you

say to me.

LAURA: I want to insight check him and see if he's
really saying--

TRAVIS: Yeah, do that shit!

MATT: Roll an insight check.

LIAM: Him or me?

LAURA: 26 on him!

MATT: All right. I'd whisper, but the microphone
makes it useless. It's fine. He appears tired, he

appears like a lot of his intention and time has
been put towards something important--

LAURA: Being a giant dick?

MATT: Possibly. But he doesn't appear to be lying
or fudging the truth at all, he's just tired. He

says, "Look. There are a lot of pieces at work
here. If you have your own path, by all means. And

"while I have heard of some of your exploits, and I
am quite impressed, I hate to be blunt, but it's

"difficult and strange to mingle family new and
old. Your presence here brings up difficult

"memories for me."

LAURA: Oh, you poor man.

LIAM: Don't worry. We're not here to look for
family. That would entail some amount of

investment on either our side or yours. There is
clearly none. We are here to do business. Do you

know where the bog is?

MATT: "Yes. It's duskward of here."

SAM: Duskward.

TRAVIS: Fucking shit.

LIAM: Well, some people go this way, and some
people go that way, and some people go both ways.

MARISHA: It's like being on a ship forever.

MATT: "I have not traversed this land extensively.
I've been here working along with the heads of the

"city to make sure we are ready for this attack."

LAURA: When do you plan to attack?

MATT: "A few weeks."

LAURA: You're joining other armies. You don't plan
to fight Thordak on your own?

MATT: "Well. There is an attempt to join up with
the remnants of the Fort Daxio force. They have

"not gone to Emon themselves and they currently
reside camped out near where Syngorn usually is.

"We have a few groups that are set on the other
side of the veil in the prime realm and they are

"keeping an eye out for this. A few scouting
parties are in Emon as we speak, trying to gather

"intel on Thordak himself. Once we have that
information and we can formulate what to expect,

"then we can attack."

MARISHA: So you're trying to go after Thordak
himself. That's your first target, Thordak?

MATT: "He's currently the largest threat to our
safety, our home, and our return. Don't think this

"is the first time a red dragon of that size has
been felled. There have been ancient ages of

"various deaths from his people. It's not
impossible, but we need to be ready."

TRAVIS: Just a heads-up, pro tip: dragons can
fly.

(laughter)

MATT: "And I take it you're their leader."

TRAVIS: Of the dragons?

(laughter)

MATT: He very slowly sighs while grabbing his
tea.

TRAVIS: I've clearly lost your father. It's all
right.

LAURA: His intelligence is very low, Grog.

TALIESIN: In the interest of dealing with Thordak,
we are going to need access to libraries, any of

your people who may know something about this bog,
and accommodations befitting those of us who are

titled.

SAM: As well as access to certain parts of the
city. We need some items to acquire within the

city before we set out.

MARISHA: Also, it would be nice to find shelter
for those of us who are not titled.

SAM: And I had asked for an oolong tea.

(laughter)

SAM: This is more of an assam, I would say? A
black tea.

TALIESIN: This is technically what you do, though,
isn't it?

MATT: Devana says, "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't
mean that--"

MARISHA: No, not you.

MATT: Syldor crosses his fingers together and, "I
can give you a letter that will grant you entry to

"a few of our general storehouses. However, most of
you are outsiders and others have been ostracized

"in their own right."

TALIESIN: But you will respect titled entry. Those
of us who are court can converse with court.

MATT: "Your title, your court, is unfamiliar with
me. I doubt it will hold sway within this town,

"this city, this entire realm. But you speak of
great importance, are you the leader of this

"troop, he who brings up words of courts and
titles?"

TALIESIN: For the moment, why not? I will say, I
know the Feywild by reputation, and by reputation

you are known for your manners, and any kingdom
should be measured by manners as the currency that

is the easiest to come across.

MATT: "Manners, by the way, are extremely
effective in times of peace. This is not one of

"those times. However, I appreciate that you at
least acknowledge the way things sometimes work.

"So. Daughter. Son. What else do you need of me?"

LIAM: Honestly? Nothing.

LAURA: We don't need or want anything from you.

MATT: "Yet you still came to my home."

LAURA: Oh, well. Yeah. We got what we wanted,
which is access to the city.

LIAM: We're not here to be friends or rekindle
anything, but it seems like we want the same

thing, in a roundabout way. We want to end these
dragons. We want to return the world to what it

once was. Any help you can give in spite of our
past, in spite of all the bullshit between us will

be appreciated by more than just she and I.

LAURA: We know you have no love for us. Think of
those you do love. And I hug Velora. Don't you

want to make her safe?

MATT: "That's exactly what I intend to do. If you
wish to help in that, then so be it. I'll pull

"what I can within the city. (sighs) Just leave me
to my business, please." You see for a moment

there, for all the facade, all the front that he
puts up, that strong distance facade, you see the

fatigue break through, and there's a, like a dark
heartbreak. "This is a greater threat than we've

"ever faced in our lifetime, and many of those in
this city have lived quite a while. We have to do

"things right. Don't be foolish. Too many lives
have been lost at the hands of these dragons, some

"closer than others."

LAURA: Do you know of anyone that has traversed
more of the Feywild, that would know of what we

might expect?

MATT: "One who's seen the most would be the High
Warden. I could probably get you passage to see

"her, but you're going to be <i>heavily</i> guarded."
You guys do know the High Warden, Tyrelda is her

name, and she is actually of the bloodline of
Gynlara who founded Syngorn centuries ago. She

currently is essentially the de facto leader,
though in terms of public, she is the final

decision-maker on most of Syngorn's political and
social endeavors. "Will that suffice?"

LIAM: It will.

LAURA: It will.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day.

(laughter)

MATT: "Curious manners, your friends." He takes
his tea and pours another cupful, and leans back

in his chair. "Two dragons you say you've
killed."

LIAM: That's right.

LAURA: More than that, isn't it?

TRAVIS: Of the Conclave.

LAURA: Of the Conclave, we've killed two.

MATT: "Which ones?"

LAURA: Umbrasyl. And. What was the other one?

LIAM: Blitzen?

LAURA: Blitzen, Donner? What was the name of the
other one? Oh, it was General Krieg!

MARISHA: Yeah, that one.

LAURA: The blue one.

MARISHA: And then we've also killed a white one.

SAM: We thought so little of him we didn't even
remember his name.

(laughter)

LIAM: Brimscythe?

MARISHA: Brimscythe. That's the one.

SAM: But also we respect him enough to learn his
name.

MATT: "Well, your story has charm. I have to
admit, I have gotten word of at least one dragon

"felled on the other side."

MARISHA: I pull out a dragon's tooth from Umbrasyl
out of my pocket and I toss it to him. That's the

result of the doings of your children. You should
be very proud.

MATT: "I am proud. I. Am proud. But the city lives
differently. Understand the difficulty that your

"presence puts upon our family with you being here.
I mean no disrespect, and it's fine in this trying

"time. But while you two may have undergone much
ridicule in your youth, I saved you from the brunt

"of it."

LAURA: You-- headphones, dear-- you fucked some
random woman in a city you passed through, and you

expect us to feel sorry for you?

LIAM: You should've left us to be with our mother
when she died!

LAURA: Why? Why pull us away from her if you had
no love? We would have been happy with her.

MATT: "Because I had hope that you would be worth
more, given that you had my blood in your veins,

"than to waste away in some small hovel."

LAURA: If I could pull the blood of you from my
veins and give it back, I would.

I want no part of you.

MATT: "There are many things we wish for but we
have no choice but to take what we are given and

"make the best with what we have. Even with this
rift, there is still a part of me that cares for

"you both and is genuinely happy that you live. And
that you rise. And that you prove what the rest of

"these fools in this city said you were incapable
of. Yes, I am prejudiced. But I still fight it

"every day. And I'm not going to lie, every time
that my daughter, your half-sister, laughs and

"plays stealthy Vax and Vex on her own, it makes me
smile. You inspire those outside of our city walls

"with your doings. I think that's rather large of
you. As foolish and as damned deadly as some of

"these endeavors may be, you inspire. That's more
than I've done in my lifetime. So. Care not what I

"think. Care not how your mother died. Just avenge
it. For both of us. Show your little sister that

"you can rise up and destroy whatever comes in your
way. Hate me all you want. It's only half-scorn

"from me. I live with my regrets. I tried to bring
you up right. But that upbringing was not

"right for you. And by the time I tried to return
you, it was too late.

"I'm sorry. That's all I can say."

Devana goes, "Anyone want any more tea? Oolong,
you said."

SAM: You got it!

MATT: "Right, yes." And she leaves, awkwardly.

TRAVIS: Just so you know, what they did against
the dragons was incredible. All of the rest of us

were like, "Ah! Oh, we're dying! We don't have
anything we can do!" And then they were like

"Kill! Stab!" And then--

MARISHA: Percy! No, don't die!

TALIESIN: What are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm being blood out of your jugular, just
go with it.

TRAVIS: And then they killed them all! It's the
only reason we're alive, really.

SAM: It's true. Vax wanted to go inside the
dragon, I was like, no! No, let's do it!

(laughter)

SAM: Cut his way out, went back and saved me.
Crazy.

MATT: "That does indeed sound quite crazy."

TRAVIS: I mean, the balls on this one-- this one.

MATT: "Let's be honest, Grog. They both have--"

TRAVIS: Lord Grog Peanut Butter of Strongjaw. I'm
titled.

MATT: "I'd say they've both proven to have more
balls than most of those in our city."

LIAM: Look, we're never going to be a happy
family.

MATT: "No. That is right."

LIAM: But if you want to make reparations, help us
on our path. It will only help you on yours.

MATT: He stands up from his chair and walks his
way back to his study and

closes the door behind him.

LAURA: Well, fuck. Guess he's not into us now.

TRAVIS: I thought we weren't getting in a fight!

TALIESIN: No, this is good.

SAM: Do you want me to take a dump somewhere?

TALIESIN: Not yet.

LAURA: Oh, headphones, darling.

SAM: Oh, sorry.

MATT: She pulls your hand down, looks at you,
says, "Take a dump!"

LAURA: Oh, shit. I mean, shoot!

MATT: "I like him."

SAM: That's gnomish. Doesn't mean the same thing.

MATT: She's now transfixed on Scanlan.

LAURA: Darling, he takes blue sparkly poos!

MATT: "Blue sparkle poos? Can you teach me?"

(laughter)

SAM: Do you have any blueberries?

MATT: "I'm going to ask my mom if we've got
blueberries."

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: She runs off to the kitchen. A few minutes
pass, and Devana comes out holding the tea on the

cart and goes, "Who taught my daughter to say
'blue sparkly poo?'"

LAURA: I don't know what you're talking about.

MARISHA: Is that a swear word?

LAURA: You should really control the people in
this city from talking about that,

because it's weird.

SAM: She got it at preschool.

TALIESIN: So many soldiers everywhere.

MATT: "Velora, go to your room."

MARISHA: I've never heard a soldier say, "Ah, blue
sparkly poo!" I feel like she didn't get that from

a soldier.

TALIESIN: You've never really been in war, have
you?

MATT: The door opens from the far study, and you
see Syldor walk back in holding what looks to be a

rolled-up piece of paper with a seal on it. He
heads over and tosses it onto the table. "That

"will grant you passage through the city. That will
grant you a single meeting with the High Warden.

"That's the most my power can do at this time."

LAURA: This is a belt buckle, why are you passing
me this?

LIAM: (stage-whispering) We're playing pretend.

LAURA: Okay, oh, it's a sealed scroll now.

TALIESIN: May I see that really quickly? Don't
throw it! Pretend!

MARISHA: Pretend. I'm pretend handing it off.

SAM: Ooh, good object work.

LIAM: Now get in the canoe!

LAURA: Yes, yes.

TALIESIN: Right, they're all elves. I can't look
at them.

SAM: Oh, it flew away!

TALIESIN: This grants an audience for all of us,
then?

MATT: "Yes."

TALIESIN: You're going to have to amend that one
name, though, just to be fair.

It's Lady Vex'ahlia.

MATT: "Lady?"

TALIESIN: Lady Vex'ahlia, Baroness of the Third
House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: So good sir, despite your relationship
with her, do watch your manners.

SAM: Tea spit take!

MATT: "My apologies, Lady Vex'ahlia."

LAURA: Well, you didn't know.

(laughter)

MATT: You can see, there's confused surprise, but
a smile does curl across the corner of his mouth.

"I will make the amendment immediately." And he
stands back up, takes it from Percival and makes

his way back to the room.

LIAM: Darth Vader.

MATT: He returns, hands you the amended paper.
"Good luck."

LAURA: This is a belt buckle-- oh.

(laughter)

MATT: It's a gift from your mother.

TRAVIS: You should thank Percy.

MATT: "If you do intend to make your way towards
the Shademirk, be careful. Be safe. And if

"anything comes your way that you feel you are
incapable of handling, run. We don't need heroes

"right now, we need survivors."

TRAVIS: No promises?

MATT: He shoots you a very dark look.

TRAVIS: Right. Sorry. The House of Peanut Butter
will continue its bloodline. I don't know.

MATT: "I will send word. Where can I send word to
retrieve you when the time is ready for us to attack?"

SAM: Do we have accommodations in the city?

LAURA: Yes, but we'll be in Whitestone.

MATT: "I will send word to Whitestone when we plan
to return to the Prime Material, and preparing our

"forces for attack upon Thordak in Emon."

MARISHA: If not, reach out to Allura of Emon.

MATT: "I know Allura well, and I can reach to
her."

MARISHA: I had a feeling you did.

(laughter)

SAM: Are you hitting on their dad?

MATT: "Anyway."

MARISHA: Does everything look like hitting on
people to you, Scanlan?

SAM: It does.

MATT: It's the Scanlan filter. It's on Snapchat.

MARISHA: Take off the beer goggles, take them off!
Those are plus-two magical beer goggles.

Take them off!

MATT: He stands up and at this point Devana enters
beside him, puts her hand on his shoulder. He

looks to you with his hands crossed before him and
goes, "I wish you luck and safe journeys. I

"appreciate you coming by. It was good to see you
both."

LIAM: Where did our sister go?

MATT: Turns and Devana goes, "She's in her room
for using bad language."

LAURA: Poo is a really terrible word to say, I
think. Good thing she didn't say any of the other

words that she heard in here.

MATT: "Hold on." And she leaves and comes back,
this time pushing Velora from the back, and Velora

walks up pouting with her arms crossed, holding
her little owlbear under her arm.

LIAM: Come here.

MATT: She runs up and gives you a big hug. "Are
you leaving?"

LIAM: Yeah, just for a little bit, though.

MATT: "You just got here!"

LIAM: I know. Listen, do me a favor? Keep scraping
up those knees, will you? You crawl anywhere you

want in this city, the higher the better. And
listen to your parents some of the time. But not

all of the time.

MATT: "I can already do that."

LAURA: Oh, and!

MATT: She gives you a little kiss on the cheek and
then runs up and puts her arms around you and

almost pushes you back, she's bigger than you
remember.

LAURA: She is. I pull out one of my owlbear
feathers that I picked up with Zahra and I tuck it

behind her ear.

MATT: "What's this?"

LAURA: It's an owlbear feather. I know!

(laughter)

MATT: She steps back down and looks at her little
plushie and--

LAURA: You keep that behind your ear, and you wear
your necklace, and you never forget that Vex and

Vax love you very, very much, dear.

LIAM: Listen to us. You are not our half-sister.
You are our sister.

MATT: She runs up and hugs you both, one in each
arm, and then steps back down.

"Thank you. Come back soon, please!"

LAURA: Of course, come visit me in my baroness...
isity.

MATT: She runs back to her mom's side and looks at
her mom and goes, "Poo."

(laughter)

MATT: Devana rolls her eyes and goes, "Ugh. Thank
you. So much."

LIAM: Shit's a good word, too.

MATT: Covers her ears.

TRAVIS: Are we doing that now? Penis wiggle!

(laughter)

MATT: You see Devana's looking cornered, it's
like, (shushing noises). Syldor actually starts

laughing. "I hope that's good day, then!"

SAM: Good day.

LAURA: Good day.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Good day.

MATT: "Good day." And Syldor bows, you all slowly
leave the door, and right before the door closes

behind you hear a little voice go, "Shit."

(laughter)

MATT: "No!" The door closes.

MARISHA: We're those terrible-influence side of
the family, aren't we?

LAURA: I run up and I give Percy the biggest hug.
Percival!

TALIESIN: It's the gift of smugness, it never goes
away.

LAURA: Wait, is it real-- no. Was it all just
to--

TALIESIN: No, I actually, it occurs to me that we
did kill two of the three barons of Whitestone the

last time that we were there.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: There's no house and there's no money--

MARISHA: It's the one Scanlan burned.

TALIESIN: It's the one that Scanlan burned.

SAM: Oh, you're the lady of the house that I
burned down.

TALIESIN: And there's just a crypt and that's
being used for other things, but--

MARISHA: But you have a title!

TALIESIN: But you do have a title, at the very
least. And once a year, you have to do something

ridiculous.

LAURA: Even so, Percy.

TALIESIN: You're welcome.

LAURA: I thank you so much.

TALIESIN: Use it in good health.

TRAVIS: I lean over to Scanlan and I say, did you
notice that their dad was saying "bidet" wrong?

SAM: I did. I did.

TRAVIS: I thought he was like a highfalutin type.

SAM: You should just say it even louder to make
sure people know the correct pronunciation.

TRAVIS: I know. We could be a force for good in
and outside of the city. Bidet!

SAM: Bidet!

MATT: The guards that are waiting for you outside
of the house just sigh very loudly. (sighs)

TRAVIS: Change is hard.

MATT: All right, so you have your parchment.
Within the next half-hour or so it's not difficult for

you guys to go ahead and find sleeping
arrangements for the evening within Syngorn.

You're met for the most part with standoffishness
and curiosity with your approach, but upon showing

the paper there is a sudden realization and a
formality that is brought to the conversation, and

it's, you can't help but enjoy it, the two of you.
You haven't walked through Syngorn and been

forcing people to show you the respect you've
always wanted, and there is something slightly

cathartic about that. But you manage to find
accommodations for the evening's rest. The guards

proceed up into the secondary floor where your
room is kept. Will not enter the room, but

notify you that they will be staying outside of
the doorway to ensure that both you are protected

and that you don't do anything crazy in the
night.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: That's stupid.

MARISHA: We're respectable.

TALIESIN: It's adorable that they think they could
stop us if we tried.

MARISHA: I know! Are we all in rooms next to each
other, are we in one room?

MATT: It's a series of rooms within what looks
like it was at one time a military barracks that

has since been renovated. It's not really an inn
or tavern; there aren't a lot of travelers that

come through Syngorn that don't actually live
there or have a home, so it's more being used for

storage, but they cleared out an area and they put
up beds and it looks-- Syngorn storage room is

pretty nice by the standards of like Kymal or
Westruun, so it's not too bad.

TALIESIN: There's some art nouveau happening.
That's all I can really ask.

MARISHA: Have they already locked us in our
rooms?

MATT: No, you've just gotten to your rooms now,
so.

TRAVIS: We're a very religious group and we like
to have a family prayer.

LAURA: Speaking of, wait. Where the fuck is Pike?

SAM: Oh shit.

MARISHA: She was right behind us!

MATT: You all, you all realize in the chaos and
the tension of meeting your father--

LIAM: Must've gotten lost!

TRAVIS: No, she's here.

MATT: You catch a sudden flicker of divine energy
in the space of the hallway near you. The guards

step back, looking a bit freaked out and grabbing
their weaponry, and you see a burst of Pike's face

coming through, her divine form, and she says,
"I'm sorry--" (static) Disappears, comes back.

"The walls--can't maintain--" And her form
vanishes once again.

TRAVIS: Fucking Verizon.

(laughter)

LAURA: Great, now we'll never have them as a
sponsor. Thank you, Travis.

LIAM: Go T-Mobile.

MATT: Go AT-- No.

MARISHA: So can we have like a little family
pow-wow in maybe one of the rooms before we all

tuck in for the night and you put the masking tape
over each of our doors so we don't sneak into each

other's rooms. High school field trip, yeah?

SAM: I don't know any of those words.

MATT: "Do as you wish, we'll be here if you need
us."

TRAVIS: Do you need anything, drinks?

SAM: We need to talk to the little fucker.

TRAVIS: Then-- oh, what? Oh, yeah! Well, let's all
head inside for prayer.

LAURA: Actually--

TALIESIN: We'll need food and drink.

LAURA: Guard! One of you, could you go get us some
food? We're very hungry.

MARISHA: And wine? Maybe some wine?

LAURA: As a baroness, I'm very used to getting
food when I want it.

MATT: One of the guards steps forward and says,
"Let me see that parchment once more, please?"

TRAVIS: That's not it.

MATT: That's a belt buckle.

(laughter)

LIAM: My belt buckle!

MATT: Rolls it back up, hands it back. "I will
retrieve your necessary meal, drink, and other

"requests you may have."

LIAM: Chicken, please.

LAURA: Thank you. I want anything but chicken.

MATT: "Noted and noted." And he turns around and
leaves the three other guards standing outside of

your rooms to do about as you please.

SAM: Right, so we pick the biggest room and we all
enter it.

MATT: It's a two-bedroom, opposite sides, and
there is a window that has a beautiful view of the

central lake that sits at the center of Syngorn,
the entire city's built around, before it meets

the base of the mountain range that it's
buttressed against.

SAM: Titicaca.

MATT: That sounds Elvish, but it's not.

SAM: No, I just like saying that.

MATT: Door closes behind you guys.

TRAVIS: Gormidi?

MATT: There's a little flash, a sparkle of arcane
light as the satyr form goes, (breathes heavily)

"That was a little harrowing. You didn't tell me
you were going to bring me into the belly of the

"beast so soon, we didn't even talk about-- that
was really good tea, by the way;

"that was quite delicious."

TALIESIN: You were drinking our tea?

MATT: "Very quietly."

MARISHA: I was wondering where my tea went.

TRAVIS: Now, hold on. Did you steal anything while
you were in there?

MATT: "No!"

MARISHA: Garmelie...

MATT: "No!"

SAM: Insight-check him.

TRAVIS: Insight-check that bitch!

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

MATT: He is about as hard to read as anyone you've
come across in the Feywild.

MARISHA: Can I try?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: I feel like we don't need an insight check
to know he was lying.

MARISHA: Oh, I got a 17. I'm way more better than
Scanlan. Natural insight. 28.

MATT: 28. Through his teeth.

MARISHA: I do a little entangling underneath of
him and start checking his pockets, TSA style.

Start giving him the frisk.

MATT: These vines wrap up around his legs and he's
like, "Oh, I was just!"

MARISHA: Into the pockets.

TRAVIS: Just let it happen.

LAURA: Where are the pockets?

MATT: In his vest.

MARISHA: In his vest pockets.

TALIESIN: There better not be an owlbear in there
or I'm going to be very upset.

MATT: No, you reach into one pocket, it's empty.
You reach into the other, and your arm goes quite

far into the pocket, farther than it should--

MARISHA: You little devil.

MATT: "What? This is extremely degrading! We had a
deal." It's empty.

MARISHA: Is this a pocket of holding? I think
about the fancy silverware that I might've seen in

Syldor's house.

MATT: Nothing. Just an empty space.

TRAVIS: Come on, keep going.

MARISHA: I think of fancy teacups, because he
mentioned drinking tea.

MATT: (melodically) Nothing!

MARISHA: Goddamn it.

TRAVIS: You've never stolen anything, shit!

LAURA: Think of gold. Think of gold, Keyleth.

TALIESIN: I cast Friends.

MARISHA: I think of gold? Oh, I think of gold.
Sorry, I'm not materialistic.

TALIESIN: We're going to have to have a working
relationship.

LAURA: Why do you say that like it was a bad
thing?

MARISHA: I mean, I'm not. I'm a Barbie girl in a
Barbie world.

(laughter)

MATT: He smacks the side of your arm and is like,
"Get your hand out of my pocket!"

MARISHA: Ow!

LIAM: Keyleth. Check the fur.

LAURA: No, don't check the fur.

MATT: "Excuse me?!"

TALIESIN: Let's give him a chance to 'fess up.

MATT: "This is not why we're here to talk. We are
here to discuss the elements of our agreement. Two

"things I require your aid in taking, and then I
show you to the outskirts of the Shademirk."

LAURA: I feel like now we already know where the
outskirts of the Shademirk are.

MATT: "But do you know of the dangers that are on
your way?"

SAM: Yeah, you told us about all three dangers
that we have to face.

MARISHA: That's true. I have them written down.

(laughter)

MARISHA: The Hut of Wodenna, the Last Camp of
Sorudun the Happy, and the theatre.

MATT: "And you think those are all the dangers?!
There are so many! It's a dangerous place!

"Stop touching me!"

TRAVIS: All right, hands off him.

SAM: Just tell us what the two things are we that
we need to steal.

MATT: "All right. I require a piece of a threshold
crest."

LAURA: What the fuck is that?

MARISHA: Of a threshold crest?

LIAM: Giant stones on the outside of the city.

MATT: "Threshold crest." Which you recall are the
blue stones that are in the wall around the city.

LAURA: That's the stupidest thing.

MARISHA: Oh no!

MATT: "Why is that stupid?"

LAURA: Because then they can't go back!

MATT: "You don't have to get it from the wall. I'm
sure they build it from something and there might

"be a reserve somewhere."

MARISHA: Right, in the other dimension that they
came from. You realize Syngorn didn't originate

here in the Feywild, right?

MATT: "I understand, but just..."

MARISHA: Oh, lord have-- oh, sweet Sarenrae.

TALIESIN: Wait, okay, a threshold-- a piece?

MATT: "A piece of a threshold crest. Just but a
sliver."

LIAM: The same material?

MATT: "The same material enchanted that is
functionally able to be

"utilized in the same fashion."

TRAVIS: No problem. What else?

MATT: "Great. I also want the High Warden
Tyrelda's hat."

TRAVIS: Her hat?

LAURA: Do we know what her hat looks like?

MATT: You do, actually.

LAURA: What does it look like?

MATT: It's a pointed, small tricorn made of green
velvet that she wears when she goes on like

excursions outside of the city.

MARISHA: Oh my god, she's got a pirate tri-corner
hat?

MATT: It's small and very long. Imagine a pirate
hat with a little more of an

elven sleekness to it.

LAURA: Wait, like a Robin Hood hat? Like Peter
Pan!

MARISHA: Oh my god, like Peter Pan!

MATT: Sure, yeah!

LIAM: I wasn't looking forward to this moment, but
that actually sounds like fun.

LAURA: That's it, that's all you need?

MATT: "That's all! And I will fulfill my side of
the deal."

MARISHA: I have a vague idea of why you might want
a piece of the threshold crest, but why would you

want the High Warden's hat?

MATT: "Because I have my reasons."

TALIESIN: So. Are you going to give us what you
stole now? We have an arrangement.

MATT: "We do have an arrangement."

TALIESIN: It's only fair. Come on.

MATT: Reaches into his pocket and pulls out what
looks to be a very finely sculpted bronze statue

of Syldor that was gifted for essentially his work
with Emon and establishing better trade routes

between that city and this city. It's basically a
good job, salesman of the year award of Syldor's.

MARISHA: They stole his Emmy?

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

LAURA: No, it's like they stole his gold watch.

LIAM: I yoink it out of his hand. I'll take that.
I got it right here.

SAM: It's a belt buckle.

LIAM: Right on my belt.

TRAVIS: So weird, you pickpocketed the thing that
wasn't even expensive.

LAURA: Why did you take that?

SAM: He can't help it, he's a klepto.

MATT: "No! It was there and nobody was looking."

MARISHA: Because it ultimately doesn't matter. You
know how awards work. Come on.

MATT: "Regardless, we have business to tend to.
Come, we have a hat to catch!"

LIAM: Oh, you want to come along?

MARISHA: Oh, hang on, before we all leave. Vex and
Vax, what did your dad do back in the day? Because

he knows Allura and he talked about knowing
Thordak.

LAURA: He's an ambassador to the city.

MARISHA: Does he have any type of fighting
capabilities?

LAURA: Ugh. If he does, we never saw it.

LIAM: Yeah, he'll bore you to death.

LAURA: Yeah, he can talk a lot.

MARISHA: Because it sounds like he was a part of
the mission to lock in Thordak

11 or so years ago.

LAURA: What? No way.

MARISHA: He mentioned that he's been down this
road before.

LAURA: He knows Allura because he knew the Council
members.

He was the one that sent us off to find...

LIAM: He's a traveling salesman that sells
politics. He's not anything all that fancy.

MARISHA: Well, if he sells politics, there could
be a lot in selling war against a dragon. I'm not

trying to be a dick, but your father was kind of a
dick so I'm just questioning it.

LAURA: No, he's an asshole. That's totally fine.

MARISHA: I'm not trying to talk shit about your
family.

LAURA: No, feel free.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Y'all should totally fight right now. Just
fight in the room while we're all here and take

off your clothes.

MARISHA: I'm just saying.

TRAVIS: Only way to solve it.

LAURA: Totally, totally.

TRAVIS: Yep.

TALIESIN: No, that's a very dark and disturbing
thought. I'm very impressed.

MARISHA: Thank you! I've been learning from you.

TALIESIN: Thank you. Now I feel guilty.

MARISHA: I don't mean to question to him, he just
said a few things that raised a few hairs on the

back of my spine.

LAURA: Well, maybe we can ask him about it?

TRAVIS: You have hair on your spine?

MARISHA: About this time I use Alter Self to go a
little half-Minxie and get those-- like when a dog

is pissed off and it puffs up the hair, towards
Grog.

MATT: She shows you this emerging patch of fur
that is like, shh, pushing out the back of her

shoulders.

LAURA: That's real sexy.

TRAVIS: Pretty sweet.

LAURA: Pretty hot.

TALIESIN: It is a very fair point, although I
would say I think it would be best to talk to

Allura about your father rather than talk to him
again, I think he's possibly had enough of us for

a while.

TRAVIS: So we have the meeting, we go get the
tricorn hat from her, like, boudoir and then we go get

the crest on the way out, right?

SAM: Maybe we can even find a clue about where
this crest thing is from the meeting.

MATT: "Grand! That's a great idea! That's a great
idea."

LAURA: Should we sleep before the meeting?

TALIESIN: I think the meeting is actually
tomorrow.

LAURA: Yes.

SAM: It just says we get one meeting, I don't
think it's been "sheduled" yet. Should we go

"shedule" it?

LAURA: Let's "shedule" the meeting.

TRAVIS: Or maybe we could send one of the shitty
guards to go "shedule" it for us.

LAURA: Is he back from getting us food? Oh no, I
hope he's not, because I want to send a second one

out there.

SAM: Ooh! Because you're a lady.

LAURA: Because I'm a baroness.

TRAVIS: I don't think they're going to leave us
all alone.

TALIESIN: I have made such a terrible mistake.

(laughter)

MATT: You go and check, you check the hallway, and
the guard hasn't returned and the three suddenly

spin around as the door opens.

LAURA: Hello! We require a meeting with the High
Warden.

MARISHA: I do a little gust cantrip from behind
the door to make her hair blow in the wind.

(laughter)

MATT: "I need to take this with me. To make the
meeting schedulable."

TALIESIN: Yes, of course.

LAURA: "Shedulable."

MATT: "Shedulable."

TRAVIS: Bidet!

SAM: When would we like the meeting? Tonight or
tomorrow?

LAURA and LIAM: Tomorrow.

MATT: You guys did wake up about four hours ago?

LIAM: Did we?

SAM: Today! Later today.

TALIESIN: We'll take the meeting today.

SAM: Right after siesta.

LIAM: It's like northern Alaska.

MATT: "Very well. I'll return." He turns around
and leaves and the two guards look at each other

like, thank god it wasn't us. They both stand at
the ready as he goes.

TALIESIN: Let that be a lesson to the two of you
about making fun of a foreigner's accent. I'm

watching you.

MATT: As the door slowly closes.

TALIESIN: Schedulable!

MATT: The faun, of which is currently-- Garmelie
is up on one of the beds right now, stretched out.

"So! What are you waiting for?"

LAURA: That's your bed, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Aw, man.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Brings up one leg.

LAURA: Trinket jumps up on the bed and snuggles in
with him.

MATT: "No, don't, ugh!" (bear noises)

MARISHA: Aw, they're shedding on it!

MATT: (creak, crash) The bottom cracks and the bed
actually falls flat on the ground. The springs

destroyed.

TALIESIN: It's all right, it's a futon now. It's
like college.

TRAVIS: Have we seen any of these threshold crests
on our way in?

LIAM: Yeah, we walked past some.

MARISHA: They're those little blue stones that are
keeping the city here.

TRAVIS: Don't say it like it's obvious. I don't
pay attention to shit.

LAURA: But we just need a sliver of one.

TRAVIS: Right, so like, I could take Vax's head
and smash it against one and then pick up the

pieces. No, that's a bad thing from your frown.

MARISHA: Although Grog doesn't have the worst
idea. And I don't mean smashing Vax's head. That's

not what I mean. But don't we have some hidden
gems, because I'm really terrified if we start

hacking away at these stones what might happen.

LAURA: They might not be able to return.

MARISHA: So maybe we can do something kind of
fakey.

SAM: He's in the room.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Is he asleep? He's asleep, right?

MATT: No, he's currently partially crushed by
Trinket on the bed and goes like,

"I can hear you!"

TRAVIS: I mean, we have jewels and shit, just
stuff hanging around, but what does that do?

SAM: No, how do we know if we can chip
a piece off without ruining it?

LAURA: I wouldn't risk it.

LIAM: I think we should talk to some people and
ask a couple of questions around town first.

LAURA: Yeah. Maybe somebody, maybe the High Warden
knows. Maybe we can sneak it out of there or

something.

LIAM: Just drop it in passing.

TRAVIS: Ooh! Like a souvenir. "Can we have a piece
of your threshold crest?"

LAURA: Exactly like that, Grog, exactly like
that.

TRAVIS: Shit, I have got all the good ideas
today.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'm the leader. So what do we do until the
guard comes back?

MATT: The door opens, the guard comes around with
food and hands it out to the rest of--

LAURA: Does anybody have money for a tip? Because
I think you're supposed to tip them.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: "You're not supposed to tip your guards."
(boof) Slams the door behind.

MARISHA: That's an Emon tradition. We're overseas,
remember.

TALIESIN: I like it here.

MATT: All right. You finish your meal.

LAURA: It's delicious!

MATT: And prepare yourselves for an excursion into
the city of Syngorn to seemingly steal a piece of

the threshold crest and the High Warden Tyrelda's
travel hat.

MARISHA: I turn into Minxie and resign to the idea
that I'm going to be sleeping with Garmelie and

Trinket and just cuddle next to them in Minxie
mode.

LAURA: Are you coming with us, though, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Oh, we're not sleeping?

SAM: No. It's like one in the afternoon, so we'll
probably just go.

LIAM: But you know, blow a couple more spells.

MATT: So that's one use of your beast form.

LAURA: Just come on, then.

MARISHA: I'll come on.

LIAM: Just save it. You can stay like that, just
walk close to me.

MARISHA: Am I going to freak people out if I walk
around like this?

TALIESIN: God, I hope so.

LAURA: Fuck them, that's what I say.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way outside
into the city streets of Syngorn to hopefully wait

for the other guard, who returns about ten minutes
later to tell you, "It has been 'sheduled.'"

TRAVIS: Ah, very good.

MATT: "As soon as you wish, attend to the central
palace and there you will be greeted."

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: "Are you leaving now?"

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Well, we waste no time.

MATT: Makes a big whistle and the other guards
come down, and collectively you now have four

guards watching you guys.

TRAVIS: Four?

LAURA: Yeah. There were four of them.

MARISHA: I drop Minxie form, because that seems
very aggressive.

SAM: As we walk I say to Vax: Oi, Vax. What is the
reason for this meeting? When we get in there,

what do we say to her?

MARISHA: Can we have your hat?

LIAM: I don't think we should lead with that.
Maybe work our way around to it. Well, I would

like advice other than this little hairy man for
how to get to the bog.

LAURA: And also what we might face.

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: And how we can fight what we might face.

MARISHA: She might know about Fenthras and the
bow.

LAURA: Yes, exactly.

TRAVIS: Wait, Scanlan, can't you go invisible too?
What if you two little buggers just went off and

like found it on your own while we were
distracting Captain Fancy Hat.

SAM: Find Fenthras on our own, what?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you go invisible along with Fauny
Tim over here and you just

go find the fucking hat.

SAM: Oh, the hat.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: What if she's wearing the hat? What if
the hat is on her head?

TRAVIS: We kill everybody.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: To be fair, that usually is the plan.

MATT: And thus ended the story of Vox Machina,
murdered terribly in the streets of Syngorn by

their own people.

TALIESIN: Clutching a hat.

TRAVIS: Tarantino film.

MATT: As you guys make your way towards the
palace, formulating your plan, we're going to go

ahead and take a quick bathroom break here. Guys,
about ten, 15 minutes or so, we'll be back here in

just a little bit. So use your restrooms, stretch
your legs and come back. We'll see you all here in

a few minutes.

[no audio]

(cheering)

MATT: That's a lot of people. Welcome back. First
off, I want to say a big thanks to Amanda Mclean

for making our awesome graphic for our
intermission, thank you Amanda, appreciate that.

(cheering)

MATT: We are back. Brought to you by Loot Crate.
Let's dive back in, as you guys make your way

through the city of Syngorn towards the palace to
what would be the northern side of the city.

Eventually you come upon the large, slightly
swirling stairs that lead to the front of the

large brass and ivory surrounded doorway that
leads to the interior. You guys have not actually

been inside this palace before; you've only seen it from a
distance, as your father would not let you in too

close to the center of the city. As you make your
way up the stairs, you can see guards, the Verdant

Guards step out in an aggressive and defensive
way, but the guards to your sides immediately put

their hands up and signal them to put their arms
down and to stand at ease. You guys are brought to

the front, the doors open, and a small elderly
elvish gentleman comes out, his long white hair

almost touching the ground as he shuffles up. He
brings a small monocle up to the side of his face.

"Yes? Do you have business in the palace?"

LIAM: G'day mate.

MARISHA: Good day.

LAURA: We do. We have a meeting with the High
Warden Tyrelda.

MATT: "Let me see your papers. Oh, I see they're
right here. Very well. Follow me, please." He

turns around and walks his way into the building.
You all follow suit and are led through the main

entryway to the palace itself. On the inside you
can see these giant archways that the pillars that

hold them up look like trees that spread to the
top like the stone boughs actually hold a canopy

made of marble with beautiful portraits and long
artistic renditions of the creation of Syngorn,

the people, each bloodline that has progressed and
taken on the central political structure of the

city. As it goes, you can see busts of people who have
been of historical importance to Syngorn, and

eventually you're brought to the very end of this
hallway. Amongst a series of other offshoot

hallways and doors, there is the next portion of
this journey, this large central chamber. The door

is already partially ajar. You are led into what
seems to be the equivalent of a throne room, but

it appears that there is a half-circle table in
the center of the room and a series of chairs that

now sit empty across from one side. Your side. The
other side of the table, you see sitting quietly

and patiently, an older elven woman, you can see
the grey in her hair and the crow's-nests at the

corner of her eyes, which in elven years means
she's quite old, she's probably close to 150 or

200 years old, by your gathering. They can live
quite a long time. She would be in the equivalent

of her late 50s.

SAM: Not old enough for our party to kill
mercilessly.

MATT: No, that's a whole different gauge.

LIAM: Throwback Thursday.

LAURA: Is she wearing a hat?

MATT: She is not wearing a hat.

TRAVIS: Shit. All right, she lives.

MATT: The guard behind ushers you guys forward
toward the chairs. You all get the idea that you

should sit.

SAM: We sit.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Are there chairs for all of us?

MATT: There are chairs for all of you but Trinket,
who currently, one of the guards is helping to put

his hands out in front to keep back, like.

LAURA: No.

LIAM: That's a good way to lose a finger.

LAURA: I wouldn't mess with him if I were you,
just to be safe. And I walk up and I give Trinket

a kiss on the nose and I put him in his Pokeball.

MATT: The guard leaps back for a second. "That's
much easier."

LAURA: Just watch closely, buddy.

MATT: You step back, you all find your seats.

LAURA: Just talking to my boobs. No big deal.

LIAM: Buddy, buddy.

(laughter)

MATT: This meeting room pavilion, and as you all
have your seat, you see the High Warden waiting

there patiently, smile on her face but definitely
an expression that shows both intelligence and

guard. As you all sit, she looks about the group,
asks, "So you've all come and made arrangements to

"meet with me. You've come quite a ways and with
very short notice. I'm curious as to what your

"reasonings are. Please, state your business."

LIAM: You probably recognize the two of us even if
you don't know us. We're Syldor's children. This

is my sister Vex'ahlia. I'm Vax'ildan.

MATT: "Strange. It has been some time since you've
been within the city. Welcome."

LIAM: Thank you.

LAURA: We're back because we're searching for a
certain bow, Fenthras? Said to be within the Murk

something?

LIAM: Bog of Eternal Stench, I believe.

MARISHA: Shadowmurk Bog. That's the one.

MATT: "The Shademirk?"

MARISHA: Shademirk. That's it.

LIAM: It's not on a lark. We're not a bunch of
fly-by-nights. We've already stopped to see Vex's

and my father. Over the last several months, we
have been dealing, a little more closely than most

would want, with the Conclave, these dragons. We
know that you are struggling to do the same. We

have felled two of them, and I don't say that to
brag, just to impress upon you how serious we are.

We've come a long way, and we are in need of help.
Thank you, darling. I think that the city's

intentions are in the best possible place. Brings
me a great deal of personal satisfaction,

actually. I would like to offer our aid in service
of the very same purpose, and that bow, in my

sister's hands, will go a long way to felling more
of these beasts.

MATT: "Well. You stroll in here with a great deal
of arrogance and an air of self-importance. Not in

"a way that is negative, more in a way that means
you aspire, and I hope, not reaching beyond your

"means. If you have indeed felled these two members
of the Conclave as you say, then perhaps this

"errand to the Shademirk is not as dangerous as one
would expect. I would not deny you this, and if

"you indeed have these capabilities, you should
have no issue surviving the Mirk,

"you and your companions."

LAURA: Syldor sent us here because he said you
would know what we might face in the Shademirk.

MATT: "Well. The Shademirk, as far as I
understand, was once a very beautiful landscape.

"That once was the fountain heart of the Gilded Run
that provided the flowing rivers that spun

"throughout this entire region. There was an
archfey many years before who was turned on by his

"beloved, who had been growing so spiteful, so full
of angst and anger and vengeful thoughts that it

"turned his heart dark and black and he began to
spill into the fen around him. It was there that

"these lands became the Shademirk. It was there
that he became one with the land and corrupted it

"and turned it. Dryads turned foul and shadowed.
Other creatures began to crawl up from the bog

"itself, and to this day feed off the life of those
they can reach. The only thing that holds its

"spread at bay is the Gilded Run, the rapids. Now,
it's found balance, and we watched it spread, as

"those who've lived here for a long time do. It
does not force any sort of immediate threat to any

"of us, and it serves its own purpose. It has its
new-- I shouldn't say new, it's been hundreds of

"years now-- but its own life, its own biome. And
we could not be ones to mess with that, if you

"will. But it is dangerous, and it is, for those
who have scouted far enough to see it, say it is

"akin to wading through an oil slick. It is to walk
into a hungry swamp that

"never gives up its need to feed."

LAURA: Sounds lovely.

MATT: "Yes, quite."

LAURA: You say you've lived here. I know the city
goes back and forth between the Feywild. Do you

travel more freely?

MATT: "I haven't in my older years. When I was
younger, perhaps. It is important to maintain an

"idea of the current state of the Feywild. Every
few decades, perhaps every generation, just to be

"certain when we have to undergo this transition
that we don't come into the middle of a war zone

"in its own right. But I grow tired in my older
years, and find myself chained to politics more

"often than not."

LAURA: How did you make that transition so easily?
I know that the threshold crests are how the city

gets around.

(laughter)

MATT: "Well, there are thin areas between the
planes, there are doorways, and we have magical

"means to send small scouting parties between this
veil."

SAM: Go on.

LAURA: Well, I don't want to be a bother, yes,
but. Do they entail any part of those threshold

crests? I'm wondering because perhaps we might
find ourselves in need of traveling, as well.

LIAM: We know we're strangers. But we read much
wisdom and experience in your eyes, and it would

seem that you have encountered this place
yourself, or have experience in the past with

those who have, and we're just looking for an
edge, really.

MATT: You make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Oh, do I want to roll this one or do I want
to roll--

TRAVIS: Oh, just pick one.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: The ever-plight of Laura Bailey.

LAURA: Ooh! That's a good, that's a good, I'm glad
I switched!

TRAVIS: There are 300 fucking dice on this table.

LAURA: 27.

LIAM: Ooh.

MATT: "We have refined the art of creating the
threshold crests. We have personalized

"enchantments that can be utilized for our trained
spies, our trained guides, our trained scouts. We

"keep them under lock and key, but when an endeavor
requires the transference between planes, we do on

"occasion allow these to go into the hands of our
greatest guides."

LAURA: If a party would be in search of an item
that would be of great use to your survival, would

that be worthy?

LIAM: Listen, we know we're bastards.

LAURA: Stop bringing up the bastard part!

LIAM: Clearly. Look into my eyes, we share the
same goal. Half of my blood is yours. I want to

kill the threat to your city and to all cities. I
ask with complete humility. I know what I'm

asking. Please.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Which one? Him or me?

MATT: Him.

LAURA: Fuck, can I give him advantage, can I help
him?

LIAM: Using Luck.

MATT: No, he's got Luck. He has his own.

LAURA: Come on, you motherfucker.

LIAM: Ouch. I rolled the same thing. Low number
twice. No, that's a big five.

LAURA: Wait, no, everything's ten. I thought
everything was a ten!

LIAM: No, that's right, you're right. So that is
a--

LAURA: 12.

LIAM: No, 13.

SAM: Oh, that's better.

MATT: It's better.

LAURA: Why did you talk? I think she would've
listened to me.

(laughter)

MATT: "I appreciate your intent, and I understand
that our current paths will hopefully align in the

"near future. However, such artifacts are very
important to us and the business within Syngorn,

"and I mean no offense in saying that you are no
longer residents of our city. As such, no, I

"cannot provide you with these crystals. However, when
the time comes, and you retrieve this bow which

"you say you seek, I hope that we can count each
other brethren on the battlefield."

TRAVIS: Can I look around the room? Are there any
doors open, ajar, leading into a bedroom with a

hat on a rack?

MATT: Make a perception check, Grog.

SAM: Are there any guards in here with us?

MATT: Yeah, the guards have led you in, they're
just back by the front door you entered.

TALIESIN: There's a hat rack and a Starbucks,
that's what's in the room right there. It's a hat

rack and a Starbucks.

TRAVIS: 19. Natural.

LIAM: I'm rusty on my rules. That should've been a
17.

MATT: What'd you roll?

LIAM: I rolled a three, but because of reliable
talent, anything lower counts as a ten. Ten plus

my persuasion of seven is 17. I'm just rusty.

MATT: I understand. Same answer.

(laughter)

LIAM: That is racist!

MATT: No, that is a very closely guarded item that
would've required a roll of 20 or higher to

succeed.

LIAM: The whole time I was like, that seems wrong
to me; that it's so low.

MATT: Yeah man, reliable talent's good for that
reason.

LAURA: Why did your luck suck that time?

MATT: It's all right. Grog, glancing about the
room, your suddenly strangely keen giant eyes

in an elvish realm, you who can read patterns in
rock and mountain faces, but when looking at

finely crafted marble it's just a big mess. You
see at the very back of the chamber what appears

to be an imprint into one of the sculptures, one
of the almost silver and brass latticework that

tends to look like climbing roots and vines across
the back of the room. There is a door that is

recessed within that, though it's hidden in
the sculpture itself.

"Now. Unless you have other business?"

SAM: I have a little bit of business.

MATT: "Yes."

TALIESIN: Good, carry on. Sorry.

SAM: Everyone who meets me knows I am a collector
of hats.

(laughter)

SAM: I take out my beret and I put it on and I
say, why, this one was a very special beret I got

by defending Whitestone against an invasion of
vampires, singlehandedly

freeing the city from the scourge.

MATT: "That sounds entirely believable."

SAM: Yes. It's a fine garment woven by a master
craftsman. I hear you have a fine hat, as well,

that you've been seen wearing about town. Is that
true?

TALIESIN: I wish I could say this isn't true, but
it's actually true. He is genuine.

MATT: "I have been known to have a few garments
based on where I'm going, yes."

SAM: As a fine appreciator of the haberdasher
arts--

(laughter)

SAM: A connoisseur, really. Could you humor an old
gnome like me and show me... I hear tell of a

green hat. A tri-tip hat, right?

MARISHA: I thought it was blue.

SAM: Blue hat?

MARISHA: Might be green.

TALIESIN: He's also colorblind, I should
mention.

SAM: Tri-tip, triangular-- I just hear it's
fantastic, I've never seen one quite like it up

close. I was wondering if I could take a
look-see.

MATT: Make a deception check.

SAM: With disadvantage.

MATT: Yeah, because you didn't sleep.

MARISHA: Yeah, you didn't sleep, Scanlan!

SAM: Well, that was a natural 20. But the first
one was a six.

Luckily, it's plus 14, so 20.

(laughing and cheering)

[no audio]

MATT: Bards! "From political requests to a hat
collector, this is indeed a very strange afternoon

"in the palace. Yes, I can have one of my servants
show you."

SAM: Thank you so much, it would mean so much to
me. I've never met a hat I didn't like.

MATT: "Then I am certain you will be fulfilled."

SAM: Should we just wait here, or is it going to
be a while?

MATT: "No, I'll have a servant bring you up." And
she puts her hand up and the guards open the door

and you see a servant walk out who looks to be a
younger elven man. Actually probably about the age

of Vax there. Short tattered hair comes across in
front of his eyes.

He enters. "Yes, mother?"

"Could you please show this strange little gnome
man to the hat room?"

"Yes, of course. Yes. Follow me."

SAM: There's a hat room? I have a hat room in my
place, too!

MATT: "That's splendid. Now, is there any other
business?"

TALIESIN: Just to be clear, you would say that the
river is probably our safest mode of entry into

the bog?

MATT: "It surrounds the bog and runs past the
southern portion of it, so you'll most likely come

"upon the river one way or another. Lest you wish
to traverse the Green Sea, but that I would not

"recommend, either."

MARISHA: So there's no real easy way into the bog,
is what you're saying?

MATT: "There's no easy way to anything in the
Feywild, my child."

MARISHA: Got it.

LAURA: Have you seen the tree yourself?

MATT: "I have not."

TALIESIN: Are there river men who run boats on the
river?

MATT: "No, the river tends to run itself."

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I had that coming. That's fair.

TRAVIS: That's good.

MATT: "Do you wish to inquire about my shoes? My
coat perhaps..."

MARISHA: Oh my god, they're so cute, though.
They're amazing shoes. I didn't notice them until

you pointed them out, sorry. No, continue on.

MATT: "Is that all?"

TALIESIN: I think that's all, yes.

MATT: "All right. Good luck. I wish you safe--"

MARISHA: Oh, wait, wait, lady!

SAM: High Warden, High Warden.

MARISHA: High Warden. I'm sorry. I was just
curious. It's my first time to Syngorn, and it's

in the Feywild. It's special, right? Is there a
gift shop? A visiting the temple and sights of

Syngorn type of shop?

SAM: I went to Syngorn and all I got was this
lousy shirt?

MARISHA: Right!

LAURA: We have to make that shirt!

LIAM: Shirt after this one.

MATT: "I'll see what Braum can do. Braum, please
escort them to some semblance of a gift shop."

MARISHA: Oh, thank you!

TALIESIN: Good luck.

MATT: "Now, I have important business to tend to.
Good luck. Safe travels. Don't die. Let us see

"each other on the battlefield soon to slay a
dragon. Now, please, be on your way."

LAURA: We appreciate your time.

MATT: You guys get up and leave, Trinket goes--

LAURA: Trinket's in my necklace.

MATT: That's right, Trinket is in your necklace,
so Trinket does nothing.

LAURA: Trinket does nothing but stare outside of
the necklace.

MATT: You make your way out of the room, the
guards following suit. You can see the lightish

brownish reddish tousled hair of the elven boy
who's waiting, he's wearing very fine clothing,

though very baggy on his scrawny frame. As you all
step out, he says, "All right, so, I'm to take you

"to the hat room, I believe. Oh, you're going to be
very happy. It's quite the room."

SAM: The room I could care less about, it's those
hats!

MATT: "Well, I think you'll still be pleased. Are
you all coming?"

(noises of agreement)

LIAM: Traveling with Scanlan, we've all become
amateur hat enthusiasts.

LAURA: I pull out my hat and I put it on.

TRAVIS: Yep, I pull out the rhinoceros horn.

LIAM: (gong)

(laughter)

MATT: And he pulls out a little masquerade mask
and goes like, "Oh my goodness!"

SAM: You're a hatter, too!

MARISHA: Do you get the monthly newsletter?

MATT: "Well, I used to, until we came to the
Feywild. It's very boring these days. Well, come,

"please!" And he darts off excitedly down the
hallway. The guards groan loudly behind you. You

make your way through the second hallway on the
left of the palace, down a flight of stairs into a

storage room. To the left you can see what looks
to be the entrance to some sort of a heavily

barred metallic doorway, about ten feet wide,
about 12 feet tall. Further down you come to two

doorways. He pulls out a keyring, goes, "No, not
that one. Ah, here we are." It opens up into a

small room, you can see in here, it's a display
room. In here you can see ornamental armor and

helmets and all sorts of classic Syngorean
designs, which change often because, well, elves

when they don't have a lot of things to fill their
time with, it's all about designing new outfits

and new armor. There's a whole display of very
classic designs for the guards, for the watchers,

for the people who first founded Syngorn. It's
like a history walk through. But there is a

section that is primarily helmet designs for
different stations and, "This is as close to a hat

"room as we have. This here is part of the original
Temple of Ioun design. It is a delightful piece."

He keeps going on and on.

LAURA: Do we see the hat that we're looking for in
here?

MATT: You do see there is a small rack to the side
which is for more just things that are used and

you can see there are like wide-brim, rainy-day,
carriage-driving hats, you can see there are

far-brimmed cloak hoods that are used for
horse-riding beneath the rain, you can see there

are a few more curved up to one side archer-based
hats, and you can see there a nice green velvet

hat that is resting across.

LIAM: Is that the one area with hats?

LAURA: Are they all just jumbled in together?

MATT: They're all jumbled in together in that
corner and then the actual helmets are against the

wall in different setups.

LIAM: Go ahead.

LAURA: I nudge Vax and I point it out.

LIAM: Scanlan, look at all those codpieces across
the room!

LAURA: Are the guards in here with us?

MATT: They are, yes.

LAURA: I prat-fucking-fall. I pratfall right in
front of the guards, on

the opposite side of the room.

MATT: Which one?

LAURA: I walk to the other side of the room and I
just fall over.

LIAM: Eat shit, knock shit over.

MATT: Make a perform check.

LAURA: Oh, shit. Can it be acrobatics, though?

MATT: No, acrobatics is avoiding the fall.

LAURA: Shit. Okay. 19?

MATT: 19!

LAURA: I want to take some shit down with me.

MATT: And you do, delightfully so. You fall over,
trip, go into a tumble, grab arm over pieces of

metallic armor, (crashing sound).

LAURA: Ah, oh god, did you see that--

MARISHA: Oh my god, Vex, are you okay?

LAURA: I think there was a marble on the ground.

MARISHA: Oh no, what? Keyleth turns to the guard.

(laughter)

MARISHA: That was Lady Vex'ahlia, the Baroness of
Whitestone. I could sue you! I could sue you for

negligence.

MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check.

SAM: Hold on, he's making a check.

LIAM: 24.

MATT: All right. You take the hat. You place it
away. Everyone seems to be focused on the

currently yelling Vex'ahlia--

LAURA: Ow, I think I hurt my wrist!

MARISHA: You will get a letter from me, good sir.
You will get a letter, okay?

MATT: "This was, look, I apologize if your friend
is clumsy, but this wasn't part of our job

"description, okay, it's been a very--"

MARISHA: Your five-star review just went to a
four, okay? I just want to say.

MATT: Braum pushes his way in and goes like, "I am
so terribly sorry. I didn't mean-- I hope this

"hasn't ruined your opinion of the hat room."

LAURA: If we could just see a gift shop, I would
be thrilled.

TRAVIS: And I say to the side, I go, (coughs)
pinch my knee, is that the one?

MARISHA: What?

MATT: "Are you feeling all right, sir?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, (coughs) pinch my knee if that's
the one. No, to the little, to the little satyr.

TALIESIN: Let's just find a gift shop, Lady Tyrell
doesn't need to hear anything about this. Let's

just move on.

MATT: "Lady who?"

MARISHA and SAM: High Warden Tyrelda.

TALIESIN: Tyrelda.

SAM: Yes, well, there's another lady named Lady
Tyrell, who's...

TALIESIN: No, this is amazing what my handwriting
does.

LIAM: What did you put in that tea, Percival?

MATT: "Well, I'm glad to see this hasn't ruined
your opinion of the collections here."

LIAM: Just the safety codes, really.

MARISHA: If you took us to the gift shop, it might
fix things. Okay?

MATT: "Then come, come! You two clean this up!"
And the two guards go, "What?"

"Yes, my lord." And the two guards eye you very
intensely as they walk over and start picking up

all the pieces of armor--

LAURA: Ow!

MARISHA: I start pretending like I'm doing a Cure
Wounds spell to her wrist, you know?

MATT: All right. As you guys make your way out,
with two of the guards now; two of them are now

left behind.

TALIESIN: As we walk out, I just make sure the two
guards are, I hope this didn't interrupt your

schedules for today.

SAM: "Shedule."

TALIESIN: Yes, schedule.

MATT: Somehow their chin goes higher. It's
impressive, really. You make your way through,

down another set of hallways, back towards the
beginning of the palace, he goes, "It's not really

"a gift shop, the closest thing that we could
ascertain based on your request is, we do have a

"small collection of gifts and knick-knacks we've
received from allies over time that really aren't

"much use to us."

MARISHA: Wait, you're taking us to the lost and
found? Please! This is the high baroness Lady

Vex'ahlia!

MATT: "Perhaps you'll find something you like."

LAURA: No, lost and found is a wonderful place to
go.

MATT: "It's a combination lost and found and
just... gifts from political allies that didn't

"understand the High Warden's aesthetic. Yes, no,
please, this way please." And he leads you back to

the main hallway you guys walked through, a little
ways towards the entrance, and then another

hallway to the left, he unlocks and this is
straight-up like a dark storage room, it is just

boxes and boxes that are sealed and he lights a
small lantern on the side. It flickers to life,

and the flame itself, as opposed to a low oil
lantern flicker is like a bright glowing light,

you can see this is a magically set lantern, as
most of the lights in the city are just everlit

torches or things that flicker on and off as a
light spell. It illuminates the room around you

and you can see no one's walked in here in a
while.

LIAM: These are for sale?

MATT: "No, these are for the taking should you
wish."

LAURA: Awesome.

SAM: Well, what do we see?

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Can I ask a logistical question?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Is Garmelie with us or did we leave him
behind?

MATT: You don't know.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: You don't know.

SAM: Grog might know.

LIAM: 18.

MARISHA: Grog.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 18, 19, are you searching, Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: What'd you get?

TRAVIS: Nine.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Wait, is this an investigation?

LAURA: Come on, natural 20!

MARISHA: Natural one.

LIAM: Oh, propeller beanie!

MATT: Keyleth is distracted by the pretty light in
the fixture.

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

MATT: Scanlan comes up next to her and is equally
distracted by this wonderful magical light. Like

two moths to a flame. Percival?

TALIESIN: Nine.

MATT: Nine. All right. The two twins, you guys
spend some time looking through the nearby

riffraff and Braum is in the back, hoping you find
something to satiate your need for gifts. The

twins find their way through a few boxes, and you
open up and there's small porcelain dolls, dressed

up in ancient Emon's outfits and designs. You can
see what looks to be very dusty Kraghammer

designed weaponry, you can see what looks to be a
bunch of small game pieces that half of them have

been lost, like a chessboard of some kind, but
only part of it's there. This is really the junk

room. This is where all the really bad Christmas
presents get put every year.

"No, thanks, it's great!"

SAM: Is it like Storage Wars, where there might be
something?

MATT: It could, it could be depending on how well
you search.

SAM: Well, I searched terribly.

MATT: You did.

MARISHA: Keyleth starts talking up Braum. Braum?

MATT: Okay. Braum.

MARISHA: Braum. So, Braum. Where're you from?

MATT: "Syngorn?"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Good start.

SAM: We don't have to distract him, he said it's
all for the taking.

MARISHA: Oh, it's all for-- really, oh.

SAM: No, that's fine, we don't have to.

MARISHA: You didn't see any distraction. You
didn't see anything.

MATT: "I am so confused by all of you."

LAURA: Can I try to do an arcana check to see if
there's anything magic in the room?

MATT: Sure. Make an arcana check.

TRAVIS: I'll join you. Two.

LAURA: Oh shit, I just rolled off the table. How
did I do that? 16.

MATT: Your untrained, though natural arcane
instincts reveal to you that--

LAURA: I can speak with animals.

MATT: Yes, you can. And there are no animals here.
Nothing even remotely magical seems to cross your

attention span, unfortunately, and you guys spend
a good hour in here sifting through--

LIAM: As, as we're digging in the corner, I say, I
thought maybe coming back here I might like this

city a little bit better, and I was fucking
wrong.

LAURA: This place fucking sucks.

SAM: Let's get out of here.

TRAVIS: Yeah, there's nothing in here.

SAM: No, let's leave.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah, sure. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Let's go.

TALIESIN: Pick something pretty.

MARISHA: Your four-star rating just went down to a
three.

TALIESIN: I am picking something random from the
room.

MARISHA: And I'll also pick something random out
of spite. I'll take this.

MATT: You have a fine tobacco box at your disposal
now, Keyleth. You can write that down.

MARISHA: I like it. I chose it on purpose.

MATT: Percy, you find half of a jeweler's kit.

TALIESIN: That's perfect.

MARISHA: That's awesome.

TALIESIN: I am excited. Was it literally cut in
half, like literally?

MATT: Half the supplies are there.

MARISHA: And did you say I had a half a tobacco
box? Or no, just a tobacco box?

MATT: You had an older tobacco box.

MARISHA: An old tobacco box. All right. Yeah,
sure.

MATT: Braum at this point goes, "I hope you've all
found something you liked."

LAURA: All right, I grab something random, too. I
mean, if we're all doing it.

MATT: All right. You reach into the Syngorean
Wal-mart gift bag on the way out.

LIAM: Come on, secret Santa.

LAURA: Come on. Roll for value.

MATT: No. I'll do that.

LAURA: No whammies.

MATT: You bring out what looks to be a really
intricately carved music box made of dark wood.

LAURA: Ooh, that's neat.

MATT: As you shake it, you hear (ting-ting) little
remnants of the last winding come through, and it

seems to still play.

LAURA: Mine. I'm writing it down.

TRAVIS: All right, I want to reach in and grab
something out of there too. All right, fine!

MATT: You reach in and you pull out a potato.

(laughter)

MATT: But it's been there for a while, so like the
roots are growing out and everything.

LIAM: Oh, with leaves coming out of it.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I take a bite out of it.

MATT: That is a stale potato.

LIAM: Make a constitution check.

MARISHA: Keyleth takes the potato. Okay, give it
to me, give it to me.

TRAVIS: Oh here you go. And I squash it in my
hand.

MATT: (squelch) up the sides of it. Braum goes,
"If you could clean that up?" And the guard goes

aww and starts picking up the potato chunks off
the ground.

LAURA: We're down to one!

LIAM: Hey gang, I feel like we've lost focus
here.

(laughter)

LIAM: Maybe we should--

SAM: --get out of here.

LAURA: Oh, do we find any broken threshold
crests?

MATT: You do not.

LAURA: Damn it.

MARISHA: Okay, wait, do we find any pictures of
threshold crests? Or a postcard?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: We're fine.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: We leave.

MARISHA: We'll just go.

SAM: We got the hat.

TALIESIN: We have a plan.

MATT: Braum leads you out of the room, closes and
locks it behind, you guys walk back to the hallway

that split off, you go past the large metal door
again, find your way up into the foyer area at the

front of the palace, he goes, "Well, I hope I've
been of help to you. I hope I've delivered your

"interest in seeing our fine selection of helmets
and hats here in Syngorn?"

SAM: I am more than satisfied. I will write a
five-star review.

MATT: "I don't know what any of that means, but I
assume that's good, and I thank you for that.

"Goodbye."

LAURA: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Charming.

MARISHA: Good day.

LAURA: Good day.

MATT: The guard that was cleaning the potato
follows suit, you guys now have two guards, the

other two have not returned. So you have two
guards following you.

TRAVIS: I don't know if you guys noticed, but
there was this recessed door up in the queenie's

room, but I don't know if maybe she would have
some fancy stuff back there.

Can't shake these guards.

SAM: Well, some of us could slip in anyway, but
what do you think we will find there?

TRAVIS: Well, I don't know. I just noticed,
because I wasn't paying attention to all the

talking.

MARISHA: I think Percy and I can fake them out.

SAM: Fake them out? What do you mean, fake them
out?

MARISHA: Wait, is he around? Don't say it out
loud.

TALIESIN: There's no fake. It's not faking. I've
got a plan. It's not fake, I've got a plan. It's a

good plan. But we should sit, recuperate, go
somewhere quiet and figure out how we're getting

to the bog.

MARISHA: How long have we been awake at this
point?

MATT: You mean since you guys woke up this
morning, I'd say six hours?

LAURA: That's it?

TRAVIS: We don't want to go try and bust one of
the crests we already saw?

LAURA: We could seriously like fuck it up, what if
they can't get back?

TRAVIS: Who gives a fuck?

LAURA: They have an entire army to help fight
Thordak.

TRAVIS: I didn't think that far ahead, I'm sorry.

SAM: Well, Vex, they could repair it; they have
magicians here and stuff.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Scanlan.

TALIESIN: How do you repair a--

SAM: With arcane juju.

LAURA: You make a very good point. A very good
point.

MARISHA: But they said they got these stones from
the other side, from our realm.

LAURA: Maybe we should just go fucking check them
out.

LIAM: The two guards are here to whole time,
right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Yeah. We should really go take a nap, I
think we should go take a nap.

LAURA: This dusk is really making me--

MATT: Vex. You hear muttered under the breath of
one of the guards, "Thank god."

(laughter)

MATT: Very low; nobody else hears it.

MARISHA: I've got plenty of energy.

LAURA: I mean, is, is anyone else super duper
tired? Are you guys tired?

MARISHA: I'm--

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Tired.

MARISHA: So tired.

LAURA: I look at the guards. I mean, are you guys
tired? I mean, how do you even know what fucking

time it is, right?

MARISHA: Right?

MATT: "Do you wish to be escorted to your
quarters, then?"

LAURA: I would love to get some sleep.

MATT: "Please follow us." And they both lead on,
leading you back to the rooms you guys had set for

the evening's rest. Eventually you get to your
rooms, the guards stay stationed outside, and you

are led into your individual spaces.

LAURA: There's windows though, yeah?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And the guards leave us in our rooms,
obviously.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: So wait, are we all in our own individual
rooms?

TALIESIN: We have earrings, we could just talk on
the earrings.

MATT: You all go into a room together, then.

LAURA: Super duper happy, all together.

MATT: You have four rooms at your disposal and you
all say, we're going to go sleep, and all go into

one room with a broken bed.

SAM: We're a close-knit family.

LIAM: You can make your own assumptions.

MARISHA: We can go into our own rooms and I can
fix it if we don't want to tip people off.

SAM: No, we do what we want.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're fucking close, man.

MATT: All right, you guys all enter the largest
room where you met before, and as you all find

your way in there, one of the guards goes, "You're
going to sleep--"

MARISHA: It's for prayer. We have to pray. 
Remember, right, Grog?

TRAVIS: Oh yes, we're very holy.

LAURA: Yes, it's been quite a while. I'm rather
hungry.

SAM: We all sleep together; it's a polyamorous
thing.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I told you we were holy.

MATT: Scanlan and Vex, make deception checks,
please.

LAURA: Perception?

MATT and LIAM: Deception.

LAURA: Deception. Oh. Ten?

SAM: 21.

LIAM: (cackles) That's the lie that goes through.

MATT: When you say you're tired and ready to rest,
the guard goes, "Mm-hm." And then when you say

polyamorous, the guard goes, "Oh."

(laughter)

SAM: Yeah, man. We are freak-ay.

LIAM: I grab Grog by the circlet thing and say,
come on, I'm tense. Let's go.

(laughter)

MATT: The two guards, the two guards look at each
other and take two steps away from the room.

"We'll keep a close watch."

MARISHA: Keyleth says, we're totally
polyamorous--

TALIESIN: You! No!

MARISHA: And I turn Percy and Vax into squirrels
with Polymorph. See? Polyamorous.

MATT: The two guards look at each other, very
disturbed and say, "You've already shared too

"much, we don't judge, just please go 'sleep'." They
both hold their blades at the ready, both just

like, "What is my life right now?" All right.

SAM: We may need you to clean up for us later.

MATT: "Please! Go! Sleep!" You guys are now closed
off inside your room.

LAURA: And the squirrels.

MATT: As squirrels. What are you going to do?

MARISHA: Okay, I drop Polymorph. That's what
polyamorous means, right, guys?

TALIESIN: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Garmelie, show thyself.

MATT: He appears and goes like, "Was that true?"

(laughter)

MATT: He has his sketchbook at the ready and is
like, "Because I mean..."

TALIESIN: No. No.

SAM: You don't know.

MATT: "Well." He closes the book. "So. I believe
someone here took a hat?"

LIAM: I might have a hat for you. The other
adventure didn't turn out so well, and I really

want to give you this hat. I'm wondering-- fuck
it, I don't have anything to say, take the fucking hat.

MATT: And he puts it on. It's a little small. But
he goes, "Ah, it's fine." Smiles back.

LIAM: So worth it.

LAURA: Yeah. That was definitely worth it.

MATT: He seems extremely proud and happy that this
hat is now in his possession. "One of two. Now,

"the second part."

SAM: Any ideas there, Garmelie?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: You passed by those threshold crests
several times, I'm assuming.

TALIESIN: Let me get this straight, Garmelie. You
require of us a piece of a threshold crest.

MATT: "Yes."

TALIESIN: Any threshold crest.

MATT: "Yes!"

TALIESIN: Just as long as it's a threshold crest.

MATT: "Yes!"

MARISHA: And looks like a crest.

TALIESIN: It's a threshold crest.

MATT: "A threshold crest."

TALIESIN: Okay, Keyleth. The thing we talked
about.

MARISHA: And I start casting Stone Shape right
under the threshold of the door to the room that

we're in, and I cut out a crest from the
threshold.

MATT: What crest do you create? What does it look
like?

MARISHA: A Whitestone crest. From the threshold of
the door.

TALIESIN: We break it.

MARISHA: There's a piece of your threshold crest.

(laughing and cheering)

TALIESIN: Don't cast Friends on people. It's not
nice.

MATT: You watch as his ears, his pointed ears
slowly slink back and his hair stands up all

across the back of his head, his beard almost
bristles out into spines as the hat goes (poink)

and pops off and hits the ground. He snatches it
up. Grabs the piece.

TALIESIN: That's your threshold crest. Piece of a
threshold crest.

MATT: "Thank you."

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: "Well, it appears that our deal has been
kept."

(laughing and cheering)

MATT: He snaps his fingers and you feel like this
sudden, this almost unnoticeable pressure at the

base of your neck that you had felt since you made
the deal release and absolve, on both of you. "All

"right, so. Well, at least I got the hat out of it.
So. The Shademirk, then? Come, follow me, grab

"your things." (laughs)

MARISHA: Let's go.

TALIESIN: I cannot wait.

MATT: "Now." He vanishes. And Grog, you feel a
little tug on your finger to pull you forward.

TRAVIS: I fart.

(laughter)

MATT: "I had that coming. We now have even more of
a reason to make haste. This is a very small room,

"and I've been following behind him for quite some
time. Let's go. Now, quickly." And you see Grog

being pulled forward by the finger, and you guys
get the feeling that he's leading you out of the

city, invisible, by Grog's finger.

TRAVIS: We're going this way. Follow me, chaps!

MARISHA: Follow the finger.

SAM: Are the guards following?

MATT: The two guards are following, yes.

LAURA: Woo, that was really fun.

MARISHA: My hair is messed up.

SAM: Good sesh.

LAURA: Good. That was really...

LIAM: Thanks, Grog.

(laughter)

LIAM: I feel loose as a goose. Let's go see this
bog.

MARISHA: And I transform into a goose and come out
as a goose.

MATT: "You-- (frustrated noise) Never mind." The
guards follow at a very healthy distance now, both

whispering to each other as they watch you walk.

LAURA: I think we made a really good impression on
this city coming back.

TRAVIS: I'm going to kill you later.

MATT: You guys are led back through the main
portion of Syngorn, towards the front gates where

the watchers reside. The doors are opened for you,
and you are escorted out the front gate, where the

guards very happily leave you to be. And both turn
around at each other and go, (heavy sigh) and they

walk back inside the confines of the outer
Syngorean wall. You guys are now back out in the

wilds of Syngorn, the finger tugs lead you out
past the front of the city, through the marshlike

mandrake fields that you initially traversed when
you made your way to Syngorn, and then find your

way back into the Ever-Shifting Grasses, heading
duskward, towards where

it seems the dusk sun will set.

LAURA: Duskward.

TALIESIN: Duskward.

MARISHA: Always duskward.

SAM: I hate that direction.

MATT: There's also nightward, seaward, or
tangleward. Which would you prefer?

SAM: Are those different directions?

MATT: Yes, those are different directions.

LAURA: Tangleward? Did you say tangleward?

MATT: Tangleward. It was mentioned before, yeah.

LAURA: Oh. I just thought of the Disney movie and
I think I spaced out there.

MATT: I'm pretty sure that the people in the
Feywild haven't seen that. Not yet. They're

waiting for it to come out on Blu-Ray. All right.
So you make your way towards where the grasses get

heavy again, and you see Garmelie (foosh) once
again take visible form again and be like, "Ah, sorry,

"that concentration for a while really gets to you,
I'm so glad to be out of that stuffy place. So!

"Shall we?" Rights his hat. And even in righting
it, it's a little crooked to one side and he

begins marching duskward.

LAURA: Onward to the theater!

MATT: "No! No theater! We are avoiding the
theater! No."

TRAVIS: Garmelie, how far of a journey is it to
this bog?

MATT: "Say about four times since we met?"

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: That doesn't mean anything to me.

LAURA: Four times since we met.

LIAM: I'm just curious, why are you so worried
about the theater? I love the theater.

MATT: "I have my reasons." And he continues
walking forward.

LIAM: Thanks, great. Good talk.

LAURA: It's been 14 hours since we've met.

SAM: Can we travel any faster than that? Can we
mist, can we tree, can we...?

LAURA: Wait a minute, you could-- if you know a
tree is-- that would be pretty stupid, to just pop

out of the cancerous tree, but if we know a tree
is there, couldn't you potentially

just fucking do it?

LIAM: You've had a lot of good ideas. That's not
one of them. That's a bad idea.

MARISHA: She's not wrong.

LAURA: Wait! Keyleth, what if you just open up the
cancerous tree, we reach through, we grab the

fucking bow, and then we're out.

MARISHA: Well, you're not entirely wrong, I don't
know if I can Teleport via Plants because

generally that takes knowing the plant. However, I
do have Tree Stride, which means we can-- nope,

never mind, I can only do that on myself.

MATT: Wah-wah.

TALIESIN: We are not sending Keyleth the goose
into a bog to retrieve a bow from an angry

cancerous tree.

MARISHA: But I'm loosey! I'm a loosey goose.

MATT: That would look amazing on an epitaph, I'm
just saying.

MARISHA: We can mist there.

SAM: Would that save time, I don't remember how
fast we go.

MARISHA: I might have to take a hot nap.

TRAVIS: A hot nap?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Didn't you guys just take a hot nap?

(laughter)

MARISHA: Yeah. The answer is yes. I can do all those
things.

TALIESIN: Well, let's travel for a bit and then
we'll take a proper break.

MARISHA: If we can get to the edge of the bog,
then we'll take a sleep.

LAURA: Wait, I think the edge of the bog is kind
of far, though.

TALIESIN: We'll start our journey, and the next
leg of our journey.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's get going.

MARISHA: We'll go until we're tired.

MATT: "I like the sound of that."

LAURA: Oh. (belches)

(laughing and cheering)

MATT: "Most impressive for a lady."

LAURA: Thank you. That's a baroness burp.

MARISHA: Robert Durst shit.

MATT: As you guys push on further northward at the
behest of Garmelie, you push for another two hours

or so through the Ever-Shifting Grasses, and as
you get further and further north, the color of

the grass seems to go from that deep verdant green
to almost a maroon purplish color.

LAURA: I pop Trinket out of the necklace.

MATT: He attacks some of the grass and chews it
up.

LAURA: Yeah, get it!

MARISHA: Don't touch the grass, it'll get angry at
you! It'll yell at you for a week!

TRAVIS: I don't think that applies here.

LAURA: It's okay, darling. It's okay. Keyleth.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: Do not yell at my bear.

MARISHA: I was just trying to protect him.

LIAM: I give him some grass.

MARISHA: Don't!

SAM: It's fine.

TALIESIN: It's fine.

MATT: And just keeps going forward through the
grass fields.

MARISHA: Does the grass seem angry?

MATT: No, it just seems to be changing color.

MARISHA: Suck it, grass!

MATT: As you say that, the grass goes from a
purplish color to a deep, deep red around you.

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: Because you... suck out the joy of all of
us living around you, and you're so amazing.

TRAVIS: That makes it even worse.

SAM: Not a compliment.

TRAVIS: You're still going in the same direction.

MARISHA: I mean, you suck out bad--

LIAM: I grab Keyleth's hand. Let's take a walk.

MATT: All of you, as you're walking, the actual
grasses around you are getting more and more dense

and are catching on your feet and you're finding
that your progression

is getting slower and slower.

LAURA: Wait, no. I have Landstride, which means I
don't slow against any land.

MATT: Yeah, so you're fine, you just coast ahead.
The rest of the party, it's like they're going

through waist-high thickets. The grass looks
gentle, but as soon as it hits your body, it rakes

across it almost like very fine serrated plants,
and it's catching on your clothing and pulling you

back. It's almost like since those statements were
made...

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I have a hooded lantern. I could set this
whole fucking thing ablaze.

ALL: No!

MATT: The red goes to a deep cinder-like red.

SAM: Are we going to have roll initiative on
grass?

LAURA: No, wait.

TALIESIN: Does no one-- I'm going to take a
moment.

MARISHA: I feel like the grass feels our
emotions.

SAM: Your emotions. Because you yelled at it.

TALIESIN: Lovely field, I apologize for the
rudeness of my compatriots. We will be gentle

trouncing through you. We will make as little mark
as we can and enjoy the splendor of your

ever-changing colors. You are majestic, you are
windswept-- I'm flirting with grass-- you are

everything I could hope for in a beautiful view.

SAM: I sing a song.

MATT: What do you sing?

(cheering)

SAM: (singing) Keep growing. Keep flowing, knowing
you can always count on me.

TRAVIS, LAURA, and SAM: (singing) For sure.

SAM: (singing) That's what Scanlan's for.

(cheering)

MATT: Percy, I want you to make a persuasion check
against the grass?

Adding the d10 inspiration die.

TALIESIN: Oh, d10 inspiration. Come on.

MARISHA: I do an interpretive dance.

SAM: Come on, persuade that plant.

TALIESIN: That was leaning.

SAM: That was a leaner.

TALIESIN: That jumped, but that's still fine,
okay, it's. Persuasion check? Oh yeah, that's not

bad. 24.

MATT: What was it?

TALIESIN: Eight plus six plus seven. (counting)
21.

SAM: It's more than that.

MATT: Between the interpretive dance of Keyleth
amongst the tattered angry grasses, the beautiful

vocal stylings of Scanlan Shorthalt, and Percy
speaking out a wondrous poem towards the

Ever-Shifting Grasses, you watch as the deep
bright red subsides into the relaxed purple, and

eventually goes back to a dull green, and you find
your traveling no longer impeded as it once was.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Good job!

LAURA: Good job!

MATT: You successfully parlayed with a field.

TRAVIS: First doors, then grass.

LIAM: Don't talk shit to grass!

SAM: How do you want to mow this?

(laughter)

MATT: So. About another half an hour of travel
before in the distance ahead of you can see the

dark edge of what looks to be another forest ahead
of you, wide and almost end-to-end, you see it. A

lot of these wooded areas almost meet the horizon,
it's like you're stepping into just an endless

wall of trees. As you begin to approach closer to
the edge, Garmelie looks up and says, "All right.

"So we have choices now. We have the Moonbrush
before us, or we have the Green Sea, which is far

"seaward of here. I would recommend the
Moonbrush."

SAM: Then we should go the other way. Because we
don't trust a fucking thing you say.

MATT: "Very well."

LAURA: Wait.

TALIESIN: No, the High Warden did say--

MARISHA: -- to avoid the Green Sea.

LAURA: Why do you recommend the Moonbrush?

MATT: "Because it's the only real route to get to
the Gilded Run."

LAURA: What is the Gilded Run?

MATT: "The Gilded Run are the rivers that surround
it."

LAURA: Right, those.

MATT: "Yes. You're looking for the Shademirk. You
have to get through the Gilded Run to get the

"Shademirk. You have to go through the Moonbrush to
get to the Gilded Run."

LIAM: Where's the theater?

MATT: "No theater!"

TRAVIS: Right, so we're going through the brushy
moon?

MATT: "Yes! Come, come."

LAURA: Yeah? Are you okay with that, Scanlan?

SAM: I'll allow it.

MARISHA: How long have we been awake?

MATT: You are... you've been awake for about 12
hours now, I'd say.

MARISHA: If we want to mist there, then we have to
sleep. But we'll press on for a few more hours.

MATT: Certainly. About another 40 minutes of foot
travel before you begin to hit the edge of the

Moonbrush Forest. As you approach, Garmelie says,
"All right, so things you should know about the

"Moonbrush. One: it is home to a number of
denizens." And as you look overhead, you can see

it's a thick fog that permeates the entirety of
this forest. You can see the outline of every tree

trunk towards the outer rim of this entire brush.
The canopy of the trees themselves are like long

weeping willows that sag and give this very
ominous feeling to the entire forest. You can see

small mountain spires breaking through portions of
the tree line in the distance occasionally, miles

between each other, sometimes a cluster far closer
together. He says, "There is a clan of sorts that

"lives amongst the forest, we'll try our best to
avoid. They are natural hunters and they are of

"the lycan persuasion."

SAM and TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: "So, best that we avoid interaction. They
are well-read, they have a society; we should

"touch none of it."

MARISHA: Question. You mentioned we are going into
the Moonbrush with lycan hunters?

MATT: "Yes. It's a necessity."

MARISHA: Yeah, no, it sounds like it. Yeah.

MATT: "Yes. But they do have natural enemies.
There is a faction of pixies that live within,

"known as the Wishers, and they are forever locked
in a struggle. So avoid both, do not get involved

"at all, and we'll be fine."

LAURA: Do the lycan tend to populate trees, or if
we stay up high can we maybe avoid them?

MATT: "Actually, they travel mostly in the trees.
That's the easiest way for them

"to hunt, is unseen."

LAURA: Well, there you go.

MATT: "They are ruled by a singular lycan lord,
who goes by the name of Ukurat."

MARISHA: What?

SAM: Ulurat?

MATT: "Ukurat."

MARISHA: Ukurat.

LAURA: Ukurat or Udurat?

MATT: "Ukurat."

LAURA and LIAM: Ukurat.

MATT: "U-K-U-R-A-T."

TRAVIS: Bob.

MATT: "He is to also be avoided."

TALIESIN: Is that an elven name? Is that an elven
word?

MATT: "It was, once."

LAURA: Wait, he used to be elven? He used to be
elven.

MATT: "They all used to be many things. He
happened to be elven at one time, yes? So. Anyway.

"We'll avoid them, and avoid the Wishers, and also
those things,

"the little plants that you saw before?"

LAURA: Mandrakes?

MATT: "Mandrakes? Also everywhere. Avoid them."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "And we'll just avoid the other things I
mentioned, so. Shall we?" And he begins to step

and march up to the edge of the Moonbrush.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: It's fine. We've killed dragons, we'll be fine.

TRAVIS: I'm so stoked right now.

MARISHA: Did we-- okay, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way into the
dark Moonbrush itself and as you walk into the

forest, immediately you can hear the swell of
distant crickets, thousands upon thousands,

sourceless, fill the air around you.

SAM: Audience, please.

(cricket noises, laughter)

MATT: That works, I was going to look for cricket
sounds here. That's also totally doable.

MARISHA: Someone's got a really good one.

MATT: As you walk in, the actual dusk light that
has permeated the Feywild begins to give way to

the first signs of night. You can look up through
the different breaks in the tree line, you can see

stars for the first time. And you can see what
looks to be a very dull white glow of moonlight

hitting some of the trees and breaking through
some of the treetops themselves. The underbrush

itself is very soft and spongy, with a lot of
leaves that have fallen and given this soft setup.

As you guys push forward for another half-hour or
so, you in particular, Vex'ahlia, come upon what

looks to be a series of stones, what looks to be a
series of small structures, almost. Not like

buildings per se, but intently placed obelisks of
raw, rough stone. And as you come across and look

on that side, you can see what looks to be the
base of one of the mountain spires that sticks

out, a large cave.

LAURA: Do I see any kind of markings on the
obelisks?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh. Get out of here!

MATT: What'd you get?

LAURA: Natural one.

MATT: Natural one.

LAURA: I know!

MATT: They just look rough and old. They've been
placed there. It's old magic.

LIAM: God, you're so bad at D&D!

LAURA: I suck!

MATT: But you do see around the ground right out
in front of this cave what appears to be hundreds

and hundreds of small objects, piles, what looks
like fruits and flowers and bones and stone

carvings, all sorts of things placed in front of
this cave.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check on one of the
bones to see if I can identify

where it came from?

MATT: Okay. So you head out and take one of the
bones and look at it.

Go ahead and make a nature check.

MARISHA: Yeah, the closest bone, I don't want to,
ooh. Yeah.

TALIESIN: That ain't nothing to sneeze at.

MARISHA: No, it's not. 28.

MATT: 28. This bone belongs to a larger bird, like
a great eagle, you can't quite specifically make out

what it is, but it's been carved with
small letters into it of a language you can't

understand. It looks like it's some sort of a
ritual item that's been placed there in the

ground. But as you pick up and make this moment
noticed--

LIAM: I'm going stealth just because.

MATT: You all hear a giant, echoing roar coming
from the cave.

LIAM: Was I fast enough?

MATT: (roars) What'd you roll?

LIAM: 30.

MATT: 30. Okay, yeah. You just (bip) out; you are
gone. The rest of you are right at the outside of

this small clearing where all of these small
objects have been placed, you hear this rumbling

loud roar come tearing through.

MARISHA: I step back with the bone.

MATT: Okay. What are the rest of you guys doing?

LAURA: I pull the broom out from behind my back.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I lean the bone over to Vex'ahlia and
be like, is this Draconic?

LAURA: Is it Draconic?

MATT: It is not Draconic.

MARISHA: God fucking damn it.

LAURA: Is it anything that I recognize, though?

MATT: What languages do you know?

LAURA: Elvish, Abyssal, Undercommon.

MATT: No, none of those.

LAURA: Shit.

MATT: However, at this time the trees behind you
two, because the rest of you guys

were staying back--

LAURA: Who's you two?

MATT: Vex and Keyleth. The trees (fwoosh) shift
and close off the exterior. As you turn towards

the entrance of the cavern, you can see emerging
from the front a giant-- it's hard to really tell

the first moment that it appears, but you see what
looks to be a gargantuan dire bear-like entity

made of crackling blue ghostly energy, shimmering,
translucent, not actually a physical form, but

massive in size. (stomping noises, roar)

MARISHA: Wait, did we get cut off? Did Vex and I
get cut off from everybody else?

MATT: Yep. From everybody else.

LAURA: Shit! I grab Keyleth's wrist and I fly into
the air.

MARISHA: I hold on for dear fucking life.

MATT: As you grab her wrist as you fly up, the
trees, swoosh, close off and you go slamming into

the tree boughs (crashing sound). You lose the
broom for a second. Go ahead and hold your grip.

Go ahead and make a strength check.

LAURA: A strength check!

SAM: We can't even see them, Matt?

MATT: You guys can't see them and they just closed
off in the trees.

LAURA: Come on! Is that a saving throw or just a
check?

MATT: Just a check.

LAURA: Five.

MATT: Five? You lose your grip on the broom, and
both Vex and Keyleth tumble down about 20 feet,

you both suffer seven points of damage as you slam
into the center of another pile of what looks like

knick-knacks and things that are gathered on the
floor. It's at this point that your mind hits that

these are probably offerings, these are things
that are left as some sort of offering to this

bear-like spirit entity that exists in this cave.
The bear, which is now, (stomping sounds), coming

up towards you on the ground. Looks to Keyleth,
(roars).

MARISHA: Hi!

LAURA: I cast Speak With Animals!

MATT: Okay, you cast Speak With Animals.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Like I taught you!

LAURA: (weak growling sounds)

(laughter)

LAURA: And I say, we mean you no harm, great ghost
bear! In fact, we brought you an offering and we

just accidentally touched the other offering of
yours.

LIAM: Où est la bibliothèque?

(laughter)

LAURA: The cheese is old and moldy.

MATT: None of the bear's face moves at all, but an
echoing voice, in Common, not animal speak, comes

blasting into both of your minds, and those of you
guys outside of the trees, trying to find a way

through, also hear this echo, "You have entered
the domain of Orlan. You destroy and disgrace that

"which was gifted. What do you offer in response to
your travesty?"

LAURA: Yeah, well, I--

SAM: We have a hat. A really good hat.

MARISHA: I've got an old tobacco box I got from
lost and found.

LAURA: Ooh, yeah, that's pretty good. I offer him
a tea set.

MATT: As you pull the tea set out, the bear claw
reaches out and smashes it out of your hand and

goes scattered and breaking across one of the
stones and goes, "You walk into the realm of the

"wild, unwatched, unrespecting. The beasts of this
land hold no kinship with you. You will prove

"offering yourself." And the tongue licks the
lips.

MARISHA: What? I turn into a giant scorpion.

MATT: The scorpion takes its form, as it does the
bear, (growls).

MARISHA: You want an offering, you can have mine.

MATT: Make a persuasion check on that.

MARISHA: Oh god.

LIAM: By the way, am I hidden in or outside?

MATT: You're outside.

MARISHA: 21.

LAURA: Good job, Keyleth!

MARISHA: Thank you!

MATT: "I sense you have kinship with beasts. You
may pass, though I will not forgive this

"infraction. You."

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: "You shall be the prize."

LAURA: Oh, fuck.

MATT: The giant bear is looming over you now, and
its size is so immense, probably 15 or 20 feet to the

top of its shoulders.

LAURA: Trinket! I call Trinket.

MATT: You call Trinket?

LAURA: I call Trinket.

MATT: Leaps out of your necklace and lands right
beside you and just roars, (roars) up to the

spirit. The spirit pulls back, (roars), roars
back. And Trinket is so tiny by comparison and is

up to the elbow, but Trinket lashes out at the
giant bear, just leaps up towards it, pushes into

it and starts tearing at its throat. The giant
bear takes Trinket with one claw and slams him

into the ground. Trinket rolls and gets back up,
(growls), you can see a little bit of blood at the

corner of its mouth, and just lunges again, this
time jumping up onto the bear's back and clawing

up onto its, onto the top of its torso. The bear
(growls).

LAURA: He's pretty cool.

MATT: The bear head looks up at Trinket now
gnawing onto its hide, (gnawing sounds), seemingly

to no real effect, and the bear reaches up and
grabs Trinket and plucks him off the side and sets

him down next to you. The bear now begins to speak
in the language of bears, which only you can

understand at this moment, says, "You walk with
this one. Is she your charge?" And Trinket voices

back, you hear the (bear noises) up to the bear,
as you hear coming out, "She is everything. Her

"life is mine. You take her, you take me, or we
walk on and remember you as a kind soul."

The giant bear looks down, "Very well. If you are
at her side, I take your charge, as well." And the

spirit bear steps forward, passing through you,
and passing through Trinket's form, and what feels

like this rush of warm air. And then disperses
into a series of sparkles. You watch the energy

slowly drift down and fade into the ground around
you, and everything gets quiet. The trees slowly

creak back and open the perimeter of this forest
around you, leaving you alone. And Trinket comes

up and licks your face.

LAURA: Oh!

(cheering)

MATT: As he's looking at you, you look down and
you can see the necklace that you hold is actually

shimmering with a blue light that passed through
you, and it slowly fades to its dark normal form.

SAM: You're part bear now!

MATT: So. That's your new item card for Raven's
Slumber.

(cheering)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: What's it do?

LAURA: I don't know.

MATT: So. I've got to finish this quickly because
we've got to get to the Q and A, but as of this

point in time, and I'll give you an ability card,
but Trinket now benefits from your Hunter's Mark.

(cheering)

MATT: And has an ability called Primal Fury you
can use once per short rest that I'll get to next

episode. As you all gather around this moment of
silence, this quiet tension that has now

dispersed, you see Trinket lift up Vex from the
base of her cloak and put her back on her feet,

nuzzles the side of her, and you can see the trees
overhead open up a little wider than they were

before, leaving some moonlight to hit the two of
them. And that's where we'll go ahead and leave

this session this week.

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you, guys!

(cheering)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Is it Thursday yet?

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you. (laughs) Thank you guys so much
for joining us here live, this has been an awesome

and incredible first experience for all of us.
Thank you so much for tuning in and watching with

us this week. We're looking forward to the GenCon
show in a few weeks, so some of you guys over on

that side of the US can hopefully come and see us
here as well, and join in this fantastic energy

that tonight was just filled with. So hopefully
we'll do more of these as time progresses.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Loot Crate!

LAURA: Thank you, Loot Crate!

MATT: Thank you Loot Crate for supporting us and
being so awesome, being a fantastic sponsor, and

yeah, I guess, is it Thursday yet? We'll see you
guys in a couple weeks.