[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.54,0:00:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So sometimes I get angry,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.71,0:00:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it took me many years\Nto be able to say just those words.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.12,0:00:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my work,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.75,0:00:12.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes my body thrums, I’m so enraged.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.12,0:00:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no matter how justified\Nmy anger has been,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.08,0:00:20.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,throughout my life, I’ve always been
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.54,0:00:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,led to understand that my anger is\Nan exaggeration, a misrepresentation,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.79,0:00:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it will make me rude and unlikable.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.46,0:00:35.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl,\Nthat anger is an emotion
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.92,0:00:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,better left entirely unvoiced.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.00,0:00:41.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about my mother for a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.62,0:00:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 15, I came home\Nfrom school one day, and she was standing
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.50,0:00:49.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,\Nholding a giant stack of plates.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.83,0:00:56.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she\Nstarted to throw them like Frisbees
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.29,0:00:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.58,0:01:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the hot, humid air.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.58,0:01:04.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When every single plate had shattered\Ninto thousands of pieces
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.25,0:01:05.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the hill below,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.50,0:01:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she walked back in and she said to me\Ncheerfully, “How was your day?”
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.04,0:01:12.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.58,0:01:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now you can see how a child\Nwould look at an incident like this
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.25,0:01:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and think that anger is silent, isolating,\Ndestructive, even frightening.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.33,0:01:31.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially though when the person\Nwho’s angry is a girl or a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.17,0:01:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The question is why.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.38,0:01:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger is a human emotion,\Nneither good nor bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.38,0:01:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is actually a signal emotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.96,0:01:42.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It warns us of indignity, threat,\Ninsult and harm.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.62,0:01:49.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, in culture after culture,\Nanger is reserved as the moral property
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.50,0:01:50.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of boys and men.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.79,0:01:53.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, to be sure, there are differences.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.58,0:01:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in the United States, for example,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.96,0:01:59.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an angry black man\Nis viewed as a criminal,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.00,0:02:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but an angry white man has civic virtue.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.50,0:02:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Regardless of where we are, however,\Nthe emotion is gendered.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.92,0:02:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so we teach children to disdain anger\Nin girls and women, and we grow up to be
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.21,0:02:16.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,adults that penalize it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.92,0:02:19.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what if we didn't do that ?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.71,0:02:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if we didn’t sever\Nanger from femininity?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.96,0:02:27.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because severing anger from femininity\Nmeans we sever girls and women
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.00,0:02:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the emotion that best\Nprotects us from injustice?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.25,0:02:36.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if instead, we thought about\Ndeveloping emotional competence for boys
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.21,0:02:37.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and girls?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.83,0:02:42.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fact is, we still remarkably\Nsocialize children in very binary
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.50,0:02:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and oppositional ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.50,0:02:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boys are held to absurd, rigid norms\Nof masculinity told to, sort of renounce
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.75,0:02:53.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the feminine emotionality\Nof sadness or fear,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.54,0:02:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to embrace aggression and anger\Nas markers of real manhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.08,0:03:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other hand, girls\Nlearn to be deferential,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.54,0:03:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and anger is incompatible with deference.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.12,0:03:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the same way that we learned\Nto cross our legs and tame our hair,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.17,0:03:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we learned to bite our tongues\Nand swallow our pride.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.21,0:03:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What happens too often\Nis that for all of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.12,0:03:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,indignity becomes imminent\Nin our notions of femininity.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.71,0:03:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There’s a long personal and political\Ntale to that bifurcation.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.00,0:03:35.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In anger, we go from being\Nspoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.71,0:03:40.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to high maintenance women\Nand shrill, ugly nags.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.50,0:03:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have flavors though, pick your flavor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.21,0:03:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you a spicy hot Latina\Nwhen you’re mad?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.50,0:03:54.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman?\NOr a crazy white one? You can pick.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.12,0:03:59.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in fact, the effect is that when\Nwe say what’s important to us
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.88,0:04:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is what anger is conveying,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.12,0:04:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people are more likely\Nto get angry at us for being angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.71,0:04:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether we’re at home or in school\Nor at work or in a political arena,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.42,0:04:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anger confirms masculinity,\Nand it confounds femininity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.00,0:04:19.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So men are rewarded for displaying it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.83,0:04:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women are penalized\Nfor doing the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.92,0:04:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,\Nparticularly when we have to defend
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.29,0:04:30.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ourselves and our own interests.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.58,0:04:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we're faced with a threatening street\Nharasser for predatory employer,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.75,0:04:40.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a sexist, racist classmates,\Nour brains are screaming,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.38,0:04:42.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Are you kidding me?”
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.88,0:04:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And our mouths say, “I’m sorry, what?”
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.21,0:04:47.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.92,0:04:50.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.08,0:04:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it’s conflicting because\Nthe anger gets all tangled up
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.29,0:04:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the anxiety and the fear\Nand the risk and retaliation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.71,0:05:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you ask women what they fear the most\Nin response to their anger,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.25,0:05:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they don’t say violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.04,0:05:04.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They say mockery.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.21,0:05:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about what that means.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.29,0:05:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you have multiple marginalized\Nidentities, it’s not just mockery
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.04,0:05:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you defend yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.46,0:05:19.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you put a stake in the ground,\Nthere can be dire consequences.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.08,0:05:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we reproduce these patterns,\Nnot in big, bold and blunt ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.04,0:05:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but in the everyday banality of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.00,0:05:32.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my daughter was in preschool,\Nevery single morning
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.12,0:05:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she built an elaborate castle,\Nribbons and blocks.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.58,0:05:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And every single morning, the same boy\Nknocked it down gleefully/
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.71,0:05:43.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His parents were there, but they never\Nintervened before the fact.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.46,0:05:47.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were happy to provide\Nplatitudes afterwards.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.21,0:05:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“Boys will be boys.”
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.29,0:05:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“It’s so tempting, he just\Ncouldn’t help himself.”
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.29,0:05:57.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did what many girls\Nand women learn to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.04,0:06:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I preemptively kept the peace and I taught\Nmy daughter to do the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.50,0:06:05.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She used her words.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.33,0:06:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She tried to gently body block him.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.96,0:06:12.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She moved where she was building\Nin the classroom to no effect.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.83,0:06:19.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I and the other adults mutually\Nconstructed a particular male entitlement.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.42,0:06:23.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He could run rampant\Nand control the environment,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.71,0:06:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she kept her feelings to herself\Nand worked around his needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.12,0:06:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We failed both of them by not giving her\Nanger the uptake
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.42,0:06:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and resolution that it deserved.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.12,0:06:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that’s a microcosm of a much bigger\Nproblem, because culturally, world wide,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.92,0:06:49.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we preference the performance\Nof masculinity and the power and privilege
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.25,0:06:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that come with that performance,\Nover the rights and needs
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.17,0:06:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and words of children and women.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.92,0:07:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it will come as absolutely no surprise,\Nprobably, to the people in this room
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.42,0:07:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that women report being angrier in more\Nsustained ways and with more intensity
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.33,0:07:08.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than men do.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.75,0:07:12.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of that comes from the fact\Nthat we’re socialized to ruminate,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.75,0:07:14.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.75,0:07:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we also have to find\Nsocially palatable ways
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.46,0:07:22.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to express the intensity\Nof emotion that we have
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.21,0:07:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the awareness\Nthat it brings of our precarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.04,0:07:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we do several things.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.25,0:07:35.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If men knew how often women were filled\Nwith white hot rage when we cried,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.62,0:07:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they would be staggered.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.33,0:07:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.08,0:07:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We use minimizing language.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.04,0:07:43.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“We’re frustrated, no, really, it’s okay.”
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.46,0:07:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.92,0:07:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We self-objectify and lose\Nthe ability to even recognize
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.58,0:07:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the physiological changes\Nthat indicate anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.67,0:07:57.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mainly, though, we get sick.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.12,0:08:03.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger has now been implicated\Nin a whole array of illnesses
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.75,0:08:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are casually dismissed\Nas “women’s illnesses.”
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.17,0:08:12.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Higher rates of chronic pain,\Nautoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.75,0:08:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mental distress, anxiety,\Nself harm, depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.17,0:08:21.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger affects our immune systems,\Nour cardiovascular systems.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.25,0:08:25.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some studies even indicate\Nthat it affects mortality rates,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.75,0:08:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,particularly in black women with cancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.29,0:08:34.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am sick and tired of the women\NI know being sick and tired.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.17,0:08:40.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our anger brings great discomfort,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.21,0:08:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the conflict comes because\Nit’s our role to bring comfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.42,0:08:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is anger that's acceptable.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.00,0:08:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can be angry when we stay in our lanes\Nand buttress of status quo
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.21,0:08:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as mothers or teachers.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.17,0:09:01.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can be mad, but we can’t be angry\Nabout the tremendous costs of nurturing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.88,0:09:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can be angry at our mothers.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.67,0:09:07.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let’s say, as teenagers, patriarchal\Nrules and regulations.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.33,0:09:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don’t blame systems. we blame them.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.58,0:09:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can be angry at other women\Nbecause who doesn’t love a good catfight?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.42,0:09:20.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we can be angry at men with\Nlower status in an expressive hierarchy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.25,0:09:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that supports racism or xenophobia.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.88,0:09:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we have an enormous power in this.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.58,0:09:30.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because feelings are the purview\Nof our authority,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.62,0:09:34.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and people are uncomfortable\Nwith our anger,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.79,0:09:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we should be making people comfortable\Nwith the discomfort they feel
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.46,0:09:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when women say no, unapologetically.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.92,0:09:48.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can take emotions and think in terms\Nof competence and not gender.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.46,0:09:53.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People who are able to process their anger\Nanger and make meaning from it
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.62,0:09:56.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are more creative, more optimistic,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.96,0:09:58.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have more intimacy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.96,0:10:00.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they’re better problem solvers,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.29,0:10:04.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have greater political efficacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.29,0:10:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I am a woman, writing about women\Nand feelings, so very few men with power
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.83,0:10:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are going to take what I’m saying\Nseriously, as a matter of politics.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.71,0:10:21.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think of politics and anger in term\Nof the contempt and disdain and and fury
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.83,0:10:24.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are feeding a rise\Nof macho-fascism in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.38,0:10:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if it’s that poison,\Nit’s also the antidote.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.54,0:10:33.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have an anger of hope,\Nand we see it every single day
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.33,0:10:37.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the resistant anger of women\Nand marginalized people.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.83,0:10:42.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It’s related to compassion\Nand empathy and love,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.38,0:10:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we should recognize\Nthat anger as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.67,0:10:54.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The issue is that societies that don't\Nrespect women's anger don't respect women.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.58,0:11:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The real danger of our anger isn't that\Nit will break bonds or plates.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.17,0:11:07.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It’s that it exactly shows\Nhow seriously we take ourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.25,0:11:11.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we expect other people\Nto take us seriously as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.08,0:11:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When that happens, chances are very good
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.96,0:11:20.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that women will be able to smile\Nwhen they want to.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.67,0:11:23.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.83,0:11:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) (Cheers)