WEBVTT

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Dear Thay, dear Sangha, 
my question is about healing

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and about true love.

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For me it is very difficult to 
say good bye to people,

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when people come and go in my life.

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I've been practicing being in 
touch with my 5-year-old self

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for some years, and recently when 
someone said good bye to me,

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it was very difficult.

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And I reflected on it afterwards,

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and the voice of my 5-year-old self 
came out and said something like:

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"I need to make my mother happy 
so that she can take care of me,

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and if she's sad, then that means 
I can't make her happy

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and that I can't love."

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I think when people say good bye to me, 
that means that I can't love them

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and they're leaving because I 
haven't been able to love them.

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And I know that I direct a lot 
of my love outward

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and when someone is leaving 
or something like that,

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then I want to give them more love to 
make them stay, I think.

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Because I'm afraid that they're leaving.

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And I think part of it is I'm afraid 
that they'll be gone

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maybe like my mother wasn't there 
when I was a baby,

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and I'm also afraid that maybe 
I have some sort of

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defect that means that my love is ineffective,

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I can't love people that I want to love.

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That is my question. How to heal this 
and be able to-

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and so I can love freely without trying to 
grasp onto people when they leave?

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They're saying, in every one of us 
there is a wounded child.

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And you need to take 
care of that wounded child.

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To take care of this wounded child, 
we need to go inside ourselves,

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we need to be present with ourselves

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instead of putting a focus out there

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and searching for love, for acceptance, 
for recognition to fill up this hole in here

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that's left by this big wound, 
the wounded child in us.

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I think we need to come back 
and take care of this,

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take care of ourselves.

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It's really love for ourselves, that we're able 
to come back and listen to ourselves,

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listen to that wounded child.

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And only when we can do that to ourselves, 
that we can heal this wounded child.

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It's only when we can come back and listen to ourselves and be there with ourselves,

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to care for this woundedness, that we 
can truly love ourselves.

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And only when you can do that then 
you can love other people.

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And this love that we have for other people,
that is based on this love for ourselves,

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it gives people space, and it gives us space.

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It gives the people the freedom,
and it gives us the freedom.

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The freedom to go, to come 
whenever they feel like it.

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And it give us the freedom to welcome 
people when they come

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and then to let them go 
when they have to go.

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I think we all here really do 
it to heal ourselves

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and to heal the woundedness inside us,

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and we've offered concrete 
practices to do that

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and it's a matter of freely 
embodying these concrete practices.

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You know like putting down to practice,
these teachings and practices that we learn.

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And also we have the Sangha 
around us to support us

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in that walk of healing ourselves,

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because everyone in the Sangha 
is really doing that too, to heal ourselves

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So I see, Scott, that you are very lucky 
that you get to stay here

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longer than most people here.

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You know, Scott is an intern here that 
has been here for several years now

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and has been a member of the 
Sangha here for a long time.

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And so, in that way you're very lucky. 
Because you have the Sangha

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to practice with you, you have the Sangha to remind you to practice,

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and you have the tools to do it.

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And this is it. This is the place, 
and this is the time

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to care of that wounded child, to bring your 
attention in instead of putting it out here.

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What happens in the community is that, 
from my own personal experience,

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is that there's just so many people here.

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You know, I live with 70 sisters.

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And if I am the kind of person that 
always put my attention out here,

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it's endless. I mean, it never stops.

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There's just so many interesting people here 
and more people are coming all the time.

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It's going to drain me if I 
always put my attention here.

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So I need to have a balance by coming inside

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to care for myself and to listen to myself.

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And so, here in Plum Village,

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there are times when we are very 
busy like during this retreat

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and you know, like this is our fourth 
week and everyone is really-

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you know, like the fatigue, it's sinkening.

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But there are times when it's not so busy,

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and one of the thing that you do is 
working in the Happy Farm

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and sometimes I go down there 
and I really envy you guys

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because whole day you just work with nature 
and you really interact with Mother Earth

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and you have the space around you, 
the silence around you,

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these are elements for healing.

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And if you can stop in here, so you can 
allow these beauties to come in

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and that's one way to help you heal yourself,

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heal the wounded child inside yourself.

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We can still put one another 
in doing this work

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and we have everything we need to do it.

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It's a matter of just go back, 
where we're reminded again and again

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by the whole community. Go back to take 
care of that wounded child.

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And that's love, that's love for ourselves,

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and also love for other people too.

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So thank you for your question.

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Thank you, just to add a little bit from 
the brothers who live with Scott.

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How many years you've been here? 
You like part of Plum Village now, ay?

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Yeah, five. It's like the old trees 
going up around here now.

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It'll be hard for us to say good bye when you 
decide to move on to explore other things.

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We do talk about you, the brothers, 
and how much you have transformed.

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You look very beautiful, your body,

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has transformed. I don't know, the 
brothers are like, "Is that Scott?!"

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I don't know if you've looked in the mirror 
lately, but you look very different.

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When Scott first came here, he was a different shape.

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How to say, sorry to put you on the 
spot, but you know,

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he's been through a 
beautiful transformation process.

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When Scott first came here, 
he really wanted us to accept him.

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But we told him, you have 
to accept yourself first.

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This is one beautiful transformation,

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he's come to that level where 
he's accepted himself.

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And you can see it, because your body 
changes when your mind changes.

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Now, he's not needy anymore.

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Scott, your energy is very positive.

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Your outlook, we actually see 
you helping a lot of people.

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So you have to retell new story, 
you're holding onto an old story.

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You're not just a wounded child, 
but you are your mother.

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You see, now you're taking care of other 
people like your mother would want you to.

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And people feel that connection. 
All the () come here,

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they all go through either Scott, Mark, 
Connor, all the () that live up here

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he take care of them like an 
older brother and sister.

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And this is something that we want 
to express our gratitude to you,

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Scott, for hanging out with us when we
made a hard decision on you,

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and you said, "I'm gonna stick it here."

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You didn't leave. You see,
that is powerful.

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Usually when you get rejected by the 
monastic, people leave, they [groveling]

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but you said, "I'm staying, I'm going 
for the long-term program."

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And the brothers are like, "Really?"

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And then you stick around, you're here 
more than some of the monks.

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So the way you are doing the monastic life,

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you train your mind, you transform yourself,

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so the story you told me, is one story.
I could've told it differently.

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You are now your mother, and 
you're living your life for her.

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She is alive in you, and you're loving 
people like your mother would love you.

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You see, that's another story.

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So when you say goodbye to them, 
it's like your mother

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saying goodbye to her 
teenage child to college.

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Have a good life, I'm so happy you've 
been here for one week,

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and you've touched deeply. See, 
this is another story right.

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When you say goodbye to them, you say-

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In my mind, when I say goodbye to people,
I send them off like that, like "Wow,

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thank you for being with us, please pass 
it on. Be our fingers and go out there

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and help other people touch love, touch 
goodness, touch wholesomeness.

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So you have also the energy of your 
mother inside, not just the child.

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Yes, you are her child, you are your 
grandchild, but you are also your mother,

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your grandmother, your great 
great grandmother.

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So you have to rely on these seeds, 
they're all in your self.

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You can feel it in your hands, your 
hands is your mother's hands.

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And everything you do from now on, you 
need to train, to tell another story.

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Yes, the story of the wounded child is there,
but you have another story to develop,

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and make it a beautiful story.

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Work in the Happy Farm, be in touch 
with the children that come down there

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and you share with them, look, when 
you pick up a potato for them,

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do it with your mother's hand. 
So that's your new training, okay?

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Every one of us have a story 
and we get stuck with it,

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and we keep telling it. 
Tell different angles of it,

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tell a story where you are your mother, tell a 
story where you are your father,

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tell a story that you are the planet 
earth. You're not just human,

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you're the planet earth.

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Now you working in the happy farm, 
you need to train to be mother earth.

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And mother earth is the 
greatest mother of all,

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and every day you're on 
your knees doing stuff,

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you have to do it for the mother energy,
the healing energy that we all need.

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And you're offering it, this is 
why it is hard for you,

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because people really love you, right?

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But as a practitioner, you have 
to see that they are you.

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They are leaving, and they are an 
extension of you. None-self.

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So you train. This requires training 
because we are attached to 'me',

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you have to begin to train like that. Imagine 
how many people we have to say goodbye to

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every retreat, every [gibberish].

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This is how we train, so please take 
refuge in all the mothers inside you

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and look at the people leaving 
as your mother's child.

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And I think we have a 
lot of confidence in you.

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I hope you never leave. It will be hard 
for us to say goodbye to you.

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Sorry, a little attachment is okay.

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Thank you, Scott, for being 
a beautiful person.