Dear Thay, dear Sangha, my question is about healing
and about true love.
For me it is very difficult to say good bye to people,
when people come and go in my life.
I've been practicing being in touch with my 5-year-old self
for some years, and recently when someone said good bye to me,
it was very difficult.
And I reflected on it afterwards,
and the voice of my 5-year-old self came out and said something like:
"I need to make my mother happy so that she can take care of me,
and if she's sad, then that means I can't make her happy
and that I can't love."
I think when people say good bye to me, that means that I can't love them
and they're leaving because I haven't been able to love them.
And I know that I direct a lot of my love outward
and when someone is leaving or something like that,
then I want to give them more love to make them stay, I think.
Because I'm afraid that they're leaving.
And I think part of it is I'm afraid that they'll be gone
maybe like my mother wasn't there when I was a baby,
and I'm also afraid that maybe I have some sort of
defect that means that my love is ineffective,
I can't love people that I want to love.
That is my question. How to heal this and be able to-
and so I can love freely without trying to grasp onto people when they leave?
They're saying, in every one of us there is a wounded child.
And you need to take care of that wounded child.
To take care of this wounded child, we need to go inside ourselves,
we need to be present with ourselves
instead of putting a focus out there
and searching for love, for acceptance, for recognition to fill up this hole in here
that's left by this big wound, the wounded child in us.
I think we need to come back and take care of this,
take care of ourselves.
It's really love for ourselves, that we're able to come back and listen to ourselves,
listen to that wounded child.
And only when we can do that to ourselves, that we can heal this wounded child.
It's only when we can come back and listen to ourselves and be there with ourselves,
to care for this woundedness, that we can truly love ourselves.
And only when you can do that then you can love other people.
And this love that we have for other people, that is based on this love for ourselves,
it gives people space, and it gives us space.
It gives the people the freedom, and it gives us the freedom.
The freedom to go, to come whenever they feel like it.
And it give us the freedom to welcome people when they come
and then to let them go when they have to go.
I think we all here really do it to heal ourselves
and to heal the woundedness inside us,
and we've offered concrete practices to do that
and it's a matter of freely embodying these concrete practices.
You know like putting down to practice, these teachings and practices that we learn.
And also we have the Sangha around us to support us
in that walk of healing ourselves,
because everyone in the Sangha is really doing that too, to heal ourselves
So I see, Scott, that you are very lucky that you get to stay here
longer than most people here.
You know, Scott is an intern here that has been here for several years now
and has been a member of the Sangha here for a long time.
And so, in that way you're very lucky. Because you have the Sangha
to practice with you, you have the Sangha to remind you to practice,
and you have the tools to do it.
And this is it. This is the place, and this is the time
to care of that wounded child, to bring your attention in instead of putting it out here.
What happens in the community is that, from my own personal experience,
is that there's just so many people here.
You know, I live with 70 sisters.
And if I am the kind of person that always put my attention out here,
it's endless. I mean, it never stops.
There's just so many interesting people here and more people are coming all the time.
It's going to drain me if I always put my attention here.
So I need to have a balance by coming inside
to care for myself and to listen to myself.
And so, here in Plum Village,
there are times when we are very busy like during this retreat
and you know, like this is our fourth week and everyone is really-
you know, like the fatigue, it's sinkening.
But there are times when it's not so busy,
and one of the thing that you do is working in the Happy Farm
and sometimes I go down there and I really envy you guys
because whole day you just work with nature and you really interact with Mother Earth
and you have the space around you, the silence around you,
these are elements for healing.
And if you can stop in here, so you can allow these beauties to come in
and that's one way to help you heal yourself,
heal the wounded child inside yourself.
We can still put one another in doing this work
and we have everything we need to do it.
It's a matter of just go back, where we're reminded again and again
by the whole community. Go back to take care of that wounded child.
And that's love, that's love for ourselves,
and also love for other people too.
So thank you for your question.
Thank you, just to add a little bit from the brothers who live with Scott.
How many years you've been here? You like part of Plum Village now, ay?
Yeah, five. It's like the old trees going up around here now.
It'll be hard for us to say good bye when you decide to move on to explore other things.
We do talk about you, the brothers, and how much you have transformed.
You look very beautiful, your body,
has transformed. I don't know, the brothers are like, "Is that Scott?!"
I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but you look very different.
When Scott first came here, he was a different shape.
How to say, sorry to put you on the spot, but you know,
he's been through a beautiful transformation process.
When Scott first came here, he really wanted us to accept him.
But we told him, you have to accept yourself first.
This is one beautiful transformation,
he's come to that level where he's accepted himself.
And you can see it, because your body changes when your mind changes.
Now, he's not needy anymore.
Scott, your energy is very positive.
Your outlook, we actually see you helping a lot of people.
So you have to retell new story, you're holding onto an old story.
You're not just a wounded child, but you are your mother.
You see, now you're taking care of other people like your mother would want you to.
And people feel that connection. All the () come here,
they all go through either Scott, Mark, Connor, all the () that live up here
he take care of them like an older brother and sister.
And this is something that we want to express our gratitude to you,
Scott, for hanging out with us when we made a hard decision on you,
and you said, "I'm gonna stick it here."
You didn't leave. You see, that is powerful.
Usually when you get rejected by the monastic, people leave, they [groveling]
but you said, "I'm staying, I'm going for the long-term program."
And the brothers are like, "Really?"
And then you stick around, you're here more than some of the monks.
So the way you are doing the monastic life,
you train your mind, you transform yourself,
so the story you told me, is one story. I could've told it differently.
You are now your mother, and you're living your life for her.
She is alive in you, and you're loving people like your mother would love you.
You see, that's another story.
So when you say goodbye to them, it's like your mother
saying goodbye to her teenage child to college.
Have a good life, I'm so happy you've been here for one week,
and you've touched deeply. See, this is another story right.
When you say goodbye to them, you say-
In my mind, when I say goodbye to people, I send them off like that, like "Wow,
thank you for being with us, please pass it on. Be our fingers and go out there
and help other people touch love, touch goodness, touch wholesomeness.
So you have also the energy of your mother inside, not just the child.
Yes, you are her child, you are your grandchild, but you are also your mother,
your grandmother, your great great grandmother.
So you have to rely on these seeds, they're all in your self.
You can feel it in your hands, your hands is your mother's hands.
And everything you do from now on, you need to train, to tell another story.
Yes, the story of the wounded child is there, but you have another story to develop,
and make it a beautiful story.
Work in the Happy Farm, be in touch with the children that come down there
and you share with them, look, when you pick up a potato for them,
do it with your mother's hand. So that's your new training, okay?
Every one of us have a story and we get stuck with it,
and we keep telling it. Tell different angles of it,
tell a story where you are your mother, tell a story where you are your father,
tell a story that you are the planet earth. You're not just human,
you're the planet earth.
Now you working in the happy farm, you need to train to be mother earth.
And mother earth is the greatest mother of all,
and every day you're on your knees doing stuff,
you have to do it for the mother energy, the healing energy that we all need.
And you're offering it, this is why it is hard for you,
because people really love you, right?
But as a practitioner, you have to see that they are you.
They are leaving, and they are an extension of you. None-self.
So you train. This requires training because we are attached to 'me',
you have to begin to train like that. Imagine how many people we have to say goodbye to
every retreat, every [gibberish].
This is how we train, so please take refuge in all the mothers inside you
and look at the people leaving as your mother's child.
And I think we have a lot of confidence in you.
I hope you never leave. It will be hard for us to say goodbye to you.
Sorry, a little attachment is okay.
Thank you, Scott, for being a beautiful person.