0:00:11.785,0:00:15.785 Dear Thay, dear Sangha, [br]my question is about healing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and about true love. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For me it is very difficult to [br]say good bye to people, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when people come and go in my life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I've been practicing being in [br]touch with my 5-year-old self 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 for some years, and recently when [br]someone said good bye to me, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it was very difficult. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I reflected on it afterwards, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the voice of my 5-year-old self [br]came out and said something like: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I need to make my mother happy [br]so that she can take care of me, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and if she's sad, then that means [br]I can't make her happy 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that I can't love." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I think when people say good bye to me, [br]that means that I can't love them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and they're leaving because I [br]haven't been able to love them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I know that I direct a lot [br]of my love outward 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and when someone is leaving [br]or something like that, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 then I want to give them more love to [br]make them stay, I think. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because I'm afraid that they're leaving. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I think part of it is I'm afraid [br]that they'll be gone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 maybe like my mother wasn't there [br]when I was a baby, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I'm also afraid that maybe [br]I have some sort of 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 defect that means that my love is ineffective, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I can't love people that I want to love. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That is my question. How to heal this [br]and be able to- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and so I can love freely without trying to [br]grasp onto people when they leave? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They're saying, in every one of us [br]there is a wounded child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you need to take [br]care of that wounded child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 To take care of this wounded child, [br]we need to go inside ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we need to be present with ourselves 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 instead of putting a focus out there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and searching for love, for acceptance, [br]for recognition to fill up this hole in here 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that's left by this big wound, [br]the wounded child in us. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I think we need to come back [br]and take care of this, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 take care of ourselves. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's really love for ourselves, that we're able [br]to come back and listen to ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 listen to that wounded child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And only when we can do that to ourselves, [br]that we can heal this wounded child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's only when we can come back and listen to ourselves and be there with ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to care for this woundedness, that we [br]can truly love ourselves. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And only when you can do that then [br]you can love other people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And this love that we have for other people,[br]that is based on this love for ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it gives people space, and it gives us space. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It gives the people the freedom,[br]and it gives us the freedom. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The freedom to go, to come [br]whenever they feel like it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it give us the freedom to welcome [br]people when they come 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and then to let them go [br]when they have to go. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I think we all here really do [br]it to heal ourselves 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and to heal the woundedness inside us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we've offered concrete [br]practices to do that 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it's a matter of freely [br]embodying these concrete practices. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know like putting down to practice,[br]these teachings and practices that we learn. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And also we have the Sangha [br]around us to support us 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in that walk of healing ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because everyone in the Sangha [br]is really doing that too, to heal ourselves 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I see, Scott, that you are very lucky [br]that you get to stay here 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 longer than most people here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know, Scott is an intern here that [br]has been here for several years now 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and has been a member of the [br]Sangha here for a long time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And so, in that way you're very lucky. [br]Because you have the Sangha 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to practice with you, you have the Sangha to remind you to practice, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you have the tools to do it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And this is it. This is the place, [br]and this is the time 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to care of that wounded child, to bring your [br]attention in instead of putting it out here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What happens in the community is that, [br]from my own personal experience, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that there's just so many people here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know, I live with 70 sisters. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And if I am the kind of person that [br]always put my attention out here, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it's endless. I mean, it never stops. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's just so many interesting people here [br]and more people are coming all the time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's going to drain me if I [br]always put my attention here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I need to have a balance by coming inside 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to care for myself and to listen to myself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And so, here in Plum Village, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 there are times when we are very [br]busy like during this retreat 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you know, like this is our fourth [br]week and everyone is really- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you know, like the fatigue, it's sinkening. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But there are times when it's not so busy, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and one of the thing that you do is [br]working in the Happy Farm 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and sometimes I go down there [br]and I really envy you guys 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because whole day you just work with nature [br]and you really interact with Mother Earth 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you have the space around you, [br]the silence around you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 these are elements for healing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And if you can stop in here, so you can [br]allow these beauties to come in 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that's one way to help you heal yourself, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 heal the wounded child inside yourself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We can still put one another [br]in doing this work 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we have everything we need to do it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's a matter of just go back, [br]where we're reminded again and again 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 by the whole community. Go back to take [br]care of that wounded child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's love, that's love for ourselves, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and also love for other people too. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So thank you for your question. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Thank you, just to add a little bit from [br]the brothers who live with Scott. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 How many years you've been here? [br]You like part of Plum Village now, ay? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yeah, five. It's like the old trees [br]going up around here now. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It'll be hard for us to say good bye when you [br]decide to move on to explore other things. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We do talk about you, the brothers, [br]and how much you have transformed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You look very beautiful, your body, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 has transformed. I don't know, the [br]brothers are like, "Is that Scott?!" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't know if you've looked in the mirror [br]lately, but you look very different. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When Scott first came here, he was a different shape. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 How to say, sorry to put you on the [br]spot, but you know, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 he's been through a [br]beautiful transformation process. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When Scott first came here, [br]he really wanted us to accept him. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But we told him, you have [br]to accept yourself first. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is one beautiful transformation, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 he's come to that level where [br]he's accepted himself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you can see it, because your body [br]changes when your mind changes. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, he's not needy anymore. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Scott, your energy is very positive. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Your outlook, we actually see [br]you helping a lot of people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So you have to retell new story, [br]you're holding onto an old story. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You're not just a wounded child, [br]but you are your mother. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see, now you're taking care of other [br]people like your mother would want you to. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And people feel that connection. [br]All the () come here, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they all go through either Scott, Mark, [br]Connor, all the () that live up here 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 he take care of them like an [br]older brother and sister. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And this is something that we want [br]to express our gratitude to you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Scott, for hanging out with us when we[br]made a hard decision on you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you said, "I'm gonna stick it here." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You didn't leave. You see,[br]that is powerful. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Usually when you get rejected by the [br]monastic, people leave, they [groveling] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but you said, "I'm staying, I'm going [br]for the long-term program." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the brothers are like, "Really?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then you stick around, you're here [br]more than some of the monks. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So the way you are doing the monastic life, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you train your mind, you transform yourself, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so the story you told me, is one story.[br]I could've told it differently. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You are now your mother, and [br]you're living your life for her. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She is alive in you, and you're loving [br]people like your mother would love you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see, that's another story. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So when you say goodbye to them, [br]it's like your mother 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 saying goodbye to her [br]teenage child to college. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Have a good life, I'm so happy you've [br]been here for one week, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you've touched deeply. See, [br]this is another story right. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When you say goodbye to them, you say- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In my mind, when I say goodbye to people,[br]I send them off like that, like "Wow, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 thank you for being with us, please pass [br]it on. Be our fingers and go out there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and help other people touch love, touch [br]goodness, touch wholesomeness. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So you have also the energy of your [br]mother inside, not just the child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yes, you are her child, you are your [br]grandchild, but you are also your mother, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 your grandmother, your great [br]great grandmother. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So you have to rely on these seeds, [br]they're all in your self. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You can feel it in your hands, your [br]hands is your mother's hands. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And everything you do from now on, you [br]need to train, to tell another story. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yes, the story of the wounded child is there,[br]but you have another story to develop, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and make it a beautiful story. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Work in the Happy Farm, be in touch [br]with the children that come down there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you share with them, look, when [br]you pick up a potato for them, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 do it with your mother's hand. [br]So that's your new training, okay? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Every one of us have a story [br]and we get stuck with it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and we keep telling it. [br]Tell different angles of it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 tell a story where you are your mother, tell a [br]story where you are your father, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 tell a story that you are the planet [br]earth. You're not just human, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you're the planet earth. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now you working in the happy farm, [br]you need to train to be mother earth. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And mother earth is the [br]greatest mother of all, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and every day you're on [br]your knees doing stuff, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have to do it for the mother energy,[br]the healing energy that we all need. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And you're offering it, this is [br]why it is hard for you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because people really love you, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But as a practitioner, you have [br]to see that they are you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They are leaving, and they are an [br]extension of you. None-self. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So you train. This requires training [br]because we are attached to 'me', 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have to begin to train like that. Imagine [br]how many people we have to say goodbye to 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 every retreat, every [gibberish]. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is how we train, so please take [br]refuge in all the mothers inside you 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and look at the people leaving [br]as your mother's child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I think we have a [br]lot of confidence in you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I hope you never leave. It will be hard [br]for us to say goodbye to you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Sorry, a little attachment is okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Thank you, Scott, for being [br]a beautiful person.