WEBVTT

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Ta-da!

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(Laughter)

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Thank you, you were so patient
waiting for so long.

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I so appreciate you staying.
I was expecting a mass exodus.

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I do hope I'm worth it.

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Right, here we go.

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Sorry, glasses.

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They're quite cool, though, eh?

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Yeah, yeah.

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Okay.

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Right.

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When I was about 12,

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I was introduced to a group of people,

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who were enthralling and delightful.

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They were entertaining and amusing,

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and I was captivated

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by their engaging conversations
and their fascinating ideas.

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But just as easily, unfortunately,
they'd turn on me

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and their words would become brutal,
humiliating and very critical.

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They crushed my spirit
with their savagery.

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Fortunately, or unfortunately,
they said they would stick by me,

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they said they would never desert me.

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And they began to protect and guide me

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but also punish me

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if I didn't do what they thought
I should be doing.

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We would spend hours in deep conversation,

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where I learned the world's
a dangerous place.

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They told me I was hated,

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that people were out there
that wanted to get rid of me;

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they told me I was useless,
that I was hopeless,

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that I was fat,

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that I was ugly and I was stupid,

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things I had tried so desperately

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to hide from myself and from others,

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but they had uncovered the truth.

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I became terrified of going out
and suspicious of everyone.

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They told me I was a messenger from God,

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and they promised me redemption
if I proved myself worthy.

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They led me down some very dark paths

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with promises of enlightenment,

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but all I ever experienced
was bitter disappointment.

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I became dependent on them.

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My companions were authoritative,

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but they were vibrant, vital,
and impossible to ignore.

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They knew so much about everything,
and I was totally absorbed by them.

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Over time, it became hopeless
to release myself from their clutches,

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and I excluded everyone from my life,

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including those people
who were the most important

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and those people who had dared to love me.

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I was now in a slave-master relationship.

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It's impossible to flourish in life
when you are hidden from light.

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I constantly endeavored
to gain their approval, their praise,

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and an invitation
into their inner sanctum,

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but that door remained closed to me.

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All of this disappointment
just reinforced my internal self-loathing,

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which dominated my every thought,

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and I became marooned
from all that's wondrous in this world.

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Yet without them,
I felt so desolate, so alone

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because they filled
a huge void in my life.

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You see, I hear voices.

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I hear a variety of different voices -

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male, female, young, old.

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Some of them even have
these crazy accents,

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and they are completely obsessed with me.

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They observe and remark
on my every action, my every thought.

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There's no privacy,
there's no place of sanctity,

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they can access my thinking at will,

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and I am never free of their ceaseless
commentary and criticism.

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This collection of internal narrators

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meddles in every aspect of my life.

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"So, what's it like,
this voice-hearing thing?"

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I'm sure you've asked yourselves.

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I'm a pretty garden-variety voice-hearer.

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All that happens is I hear people
when they aren't in the room,

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and it's as clear and concise
as if someone's directly in front of me.

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I tend to hear my voices from behind me,

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so I'll look around -

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sometimes there's someone there,
sometimes there isn't,

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but the experience is exactly the same.

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Like most voice-hearers,
I live in a world dominated by words;

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I am easy prey to the power of words.

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Words can defame, they can defile,

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but they can also
bring a heart back to life.

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I have come to view voices
as an extreme form of anxiety,

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a coping strategy to deal
with my high levels of anxiety

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and my propensity
to worry about everything.

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Try to think of it this way.

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When feelings become too intense,

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the mind decides,
"You can't cope. You can't cope,"

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so you cultivate a technique
to ensure you will survive the onslaught

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and will not become overwhelmed
by your emotions.

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There's little question

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that the primary objective
of voices is to isolate,

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creating the ideal environment
for them to have exclusive access to you.

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It deprives you of any alternative view,

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and you are completely
dictated by their views.

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Then that isolation,
it becomes a protection,

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and it becomes a protection

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against the anguish of living
with such an extremely fragile soul.

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The specific clinical term
is "auditory hallucinations."

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So, auditory is hearing,
as I'm sure you know.

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And yes, I hear them. Yes, that's fine.

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Hallucinations in terms of imagining -

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well, no.

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The fact is I hear voices
other people don't hear.

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That's my reality.

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But I acknowledge that is my reality,

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and I acknowledge that not everyone
is attuned to these exchanges.

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That doesn't mean they don't exist.

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There are a lot of things
that we experience as individuals

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that we do not share.

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They are unique to ourselves;
that does not mean they don't happen.

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Our mental health operates on a continuum,

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a sliding scale oscillating
from low to extreme stress,

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depending on life events.

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Living is a stressful business, is it not?

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And no person is immune to the trials
and tribulations of everyday life.

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As human beings,
we are brilliant, just brilliant,

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at dealing with complex,
difficult situations.

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As well as the external stressors,
we have internal vulnerabilities,

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which make us susceptible
to certain stressors,

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sensitivities that have accumulated
over our lifetime:

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fear of failure, fear of rejection,

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fear of conflict,
fear of being out of control -

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you share these fears,
I have no doubt about that.

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And each vulnerability brings with it
a mental load which we carry,

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like in a backpack on our back.

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Most of the time it's light

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and we can easily
carry around that burden,

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but when circumstances
add to that load, such as:

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arguing with someone you care about;

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dropping your new phone,
and it's always your new phone,

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down the toilet -

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(Laughter)

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I know, you tell yourself,
"Don't put it in your pocket,"

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and then it goes, "Plunk";

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your favorite auntie dies -
it's never that witch;

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(Laughter)

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your cat gets in a fight,
and you're racing off to the vet.

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As each instance occurs,
the load accumulates,

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and in your backpack of stress,
it's getting heavier,

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and the effect multiplies exponentially.

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Your stress level
has moved along the continuum;

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it has gone from medium
to high to unbearable.

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There is a limit to how much stress
any one person can tolerate,

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and when you add in
our quiet vulnerabilities,

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the effect will multiply,
and there will be a response -

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there has to be.

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When we get stressed,

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voice-hearing is a technique
that we use to divert our attention

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and keeps us from the deeply
wounding issues

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that overpower us at times
and make us incredibly fearful.

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The voices become a guide
to help navigate a world

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that throws so much adversity
and animosity towards us.

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Fear is an instinctive response
to a perceived threat,

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and it safeguards us against danger.

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When your fear is activated,
your anxiety level will increase,

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and your brain will be bombarded
with instructions

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about how to deal
with this imminent threat.

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With voice-hearers,

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that fear response is triggered
constantly and consistently.

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Feeling unsafe, you constantly
scan for danger,

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and when you look for it,
you will find it,

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and this will increase
your anxiety tenfold.

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Ultimately, extreme fearfulness
becomes the mind's default position.

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That will make you hypervigilant
to any threat, real or not.

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When that converts
into unrelenting, extreme fear,

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panic ensues,

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and that is incredibly debilitating.

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When I panic, I seek refuge.

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I will frantically try to collect myself
and may even shut down completely.

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Trying to maintain the facade
of being calm and in control

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when you're internally freaking out

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requires huge amounts of energy.

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When my internal and external world
collide so dramatically,

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that is when you are likely to see me
openly talking to my voices,

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and when our calls for help
and acceptance are rejected,

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that makes that task
so much more difficult.

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It's not a crazy person you see

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but rather a person

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dealing with intolerable
psychological and emotional pain.

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When you are overwhelmed,
overcome by fear, and desperate,

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it's perfectly reasonable

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to hide yourself away
and lick your wounds,

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to stay hidden.

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It's a very typical human response.

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It's not madness you are observing,
it's a person trying to survive.

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The concept of madness
is an interesting one,

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arguably constructed by society
to dictate social and cultural norms.

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Up until 1974, homosexuality and epilepsy
were both considered mental illnesses,

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so times have changed.

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Masturbation, smoking in church,
these were symptoms of mental illness.

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I suspect there might be a few of you

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who might even qualify
or meet the criteria.

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(Laughter)

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You may be surprised to hear
that 1 in 25 people report hearing voices.

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History, our history, is littered
with voice-hearers.

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There's Martin Luther King Jr.,
Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Winston Churchill.

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Their memories are not marred
by being identified as a voice-hearer;

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rather, they are seen

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as heroic, great orators, great thinkers,

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yet every one of them
would be considered mentally ill

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by today's standards.

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As for me, I'm only mad
because somebody else says I am.

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If I say the neighbor told me,

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"Don't drink from the tap.
It's contaminated,"

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I'm socially connected,
and I can sustain relationships.

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If I say a voice told me

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not to drink from the tap,
because it's contaminated,

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then clearly I'm crazy.

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And if I say, "I hear the voices
of dead people,"

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I would probably get my own TV show.

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(Laughter)

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Please, I'm asking you, please.

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Please don't be fooled
by those negative images

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portrayed about voice-hearers.

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They come from a place
of arrogance and ignorance.

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This is not a lifelong affliction

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in which people are condemned
to progressively decline

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in their mental well-being.

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I can assure you
there are thousands of people

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who are getting on with their lives
and continuing to thrive.

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I found the key.

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It's not easy, but it's absolutely doable.

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Through perseverance, support,
and commitment to be proactive,

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I discovered a way to liberate myself
as well as my voices.

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I now live the life I so craved.

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And I dedicate my time

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to working with people
who hear distressing voices.

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I developed an approach
based on my own experiences

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to help others unshackle themselves
from the tyranny of voices.

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I call it "the modern approach,"

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and I work in a clinical setting
here in New Zealand.

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We provide a safe, compassionate
learning environment

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to assist people whose lives
have been violated by negative voices,

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who have lost family, friends,

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and their material and spiritual richness.

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My fellow voice-hearers
share their experiences

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and are so generous

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with their expertise and their wisdom
and how to deal with them.

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We have amassed a treasury of information

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and actions from their unselfish desire

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to help themselves and others
who are negatively affected by voices.

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I want to applaud my voice-hearers,

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who every day demonstrate true courage

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when they face their many challenges.

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I wish to thank those
who sail these uncharted waters with us,

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those fabulous people
who believe we're worth it.

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It is that cherished quality

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that will help us all
usher in a better world.

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I want to thank you
for giving me this precious moment

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so I can talk to you,
so I can be heard,

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for you have come

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with compassionate hearts
and inquisitive minds;

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you support me just by listening to me.

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I am a fearful person.

00:17:33.959 --> 00:17:35.795
I'm quick-thinking.

00:17:36.731 --> 00:17:39.726
I have a desperate need to be liked.

00:17:40.515 --> 00:17:42.415
I have low self-esteem.

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I worry excessively.

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I laugh too loud. I talk too much.

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But I'm kind, and I'm generous,
and I am quite cheerful.

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I am the possessor of a mutinous mind,

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but I'm not mad.

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Thank you.

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(Applause) (Cheers)