WEBVTT 00:00:05.306 --> 00:00:07.803 So I have a question to ask everybody. 00:00:08.670 --> 00:00:15.100 Are you living because you're dying? Or are you dying because you're living? 00:00:16.919 --> 00:00:18.773 Have you ever thought about that? 00:00:19.743 --> 00:00:21.933 I never really thought about it. 00:00:22.063 --> 00:00:28.090 When I did sit down and think about it, I figured out that I was doing neither. 00:00:28.227 --> 00:00:34.475 I was just going through this thing called life with no real purpose. 00:00:34.987 --> 00:00:36.344 There were goals that I had. 00:00:36.344 --> 00:00:40.757 There were things that I was accomplishing but I was just going through life. 00:00:40.757 --> 00:00:43.437 Then life really happened. 00:00:43.580 --> 00:00:45.462 And when life happened 00:00:45.462 --> 00:00:51.273 I realized that I was dying because I was living. 00:00:51.815 --> 00:00:56.921 See, I felt like I had made it to the top, to what my top was. 00:00:56.921 --> 00:01:00.848 I was in management in radio, something that I've always wanted to do. 00:01:01.144 --> 00:01:04.994 I was travelling around the country to various conferences. 00:01:05.184 --> 00:01:09.747 I was able to take my daughters with me; we were having a really good time. 00:01:10.200 --> 00:01:14.120 I was working all kind of hours accomplishing great things, 00:01:14.127 --> 00:01:16.009 getting all kind of accolades. 00:01:16.199 --> 00:01:22.547 But all of that was contributing to me dying because I was living. 00:01:23.077 --> 00:01:26.774 See, I wanted my daughters to have a better life than me. 00:01:27.004 --> 00:01:29.601 I wanted to have a better life. 00:01:30.061 --> 00:01:32.661 My radio station was number one. I wanted to keep that. 00:01:32.661 --> 00:01:34.973 My time slot that I was in was number one. 00:01:34.973 --> 00:01:36.803 I wanted to maintain that. 00:01:36.803 --> 00:01:41.171 I actually wanted to be whatever was over number one, 00:01:41.490 --> 00:01:46.510 and I figured out what that was - that was called the shiny level. 00:01:46.832 --> 00:01:50.412 And only certain people operate at the shiny level. 00:01:50.426 --> 00:01:55.903 And I haven't met too many people that could really operate at the shiny level. 00:01:56.241 --> 00:02:00.984 There's a song that I would think of, you might know, it says: 00:02:01.910 --> 00:02:07.444 "I am number one. Two is not a winner. And three nobody remembers." 00:02:07.974 --> 00:02:10.974 Shiny level, only so many people could get on. 00:02:11.764 --> 00:02:15.594 And shiny level caused my heart to fail, 00:02:15.914 --> 00:02:20.070 and that contributed to me dying because I was living. 00:02:22.948 --> 00:02:27.358 Then, just when you thought it couldn't get worse, 00:02:27.898 --> 00:02:34.161 something else happened in life that caused me to stop and think. 00:02:35.197 --> 00:02:40.224 And that was causing me to die because I was living too, 00:02:40.411 --> 00:02:44.993 because this time I was introduced to this pink thing 00:02:45.171 --> 00:02:47.078 that torments a lot of people, 00:02:47.078 --> 00:02:50.908 shakes up a lot of families, shakes up a lot of homes. 00:02:52.008 --> 00:02:53.162 So, 00:02:53.588 --> 00:02:56.190 I'm not saying that you shouldn't go after your dreams. 00:02:56.190 --> 00:02:59.068 Please don't think that I'm taking you down that road. 00:02:59.068 --> 00:03:00.110 I'm not saying that, 00:03:00.110 --> 00:03:03.698 but what I am saying is when you accomplish a dream, 00:03:04.208 --> 00:03:08.212 take the time to enjoy the reality that you've created. 00:03:08.212 --> 00:03:11.755 See, for me, when I reach a dream, when that dream comes true, 00:03:11.755 --> 00:03:15.975 I get greedy, and I push, and I push because I want more. 00:03:15.975 --> 00:03:18.753 100 is not enough; it has to be 200. 00:03:18.753 --> 00:03:22.249 200 is not enough; so I got to get to 500. 00:03:22.739 --> 00:03:27.953 But that very thing, that type of drive 00:03:28.729 --> 00:03:31.559 was causing me to die because I was living. 00:03:32.713 --> 00:03:36.765 April 27, 2010, I gave birth to my baby girl. 00:03:37.871 --> 00:03:41.285 Fifteen months prior to that, I had my first daughter. 00:03:41.754 --> 00:03:47.923 Now, while I was in delivery, I busted a blood vessel in my brain 00:03:48.520 --> 00:03:55.060 while trying to push for my now nine-year-old to be delivered. 00:03:55.640 --> 00:03:57.606 They actually had to stop me from pushing, 00:03:57.606 --> 00:04:01.638 and she actually birthed herself - she came out on her own. 00:04:01.638 --> 00:04:03.184 True story. 00:04:03.184 --> 00:04:04.358 Okay? 00:04:04.568 --> 00:04:08.008 Now, that day that I had her I was ready to go back home 00:04:08.008 --> 00:04:10.288 because, again, 15 months earlier, 00:04:10.288 --> 00:04:13.681 I had just had a baby, so we had already gone through this. I was fine. 00:04:13.681 --> 00:04:17.482 "Hey doctor, I'm ready to go home, I don't need to sit up in this hospital. 00:04:17.482 --> 00:04:20.522 I'm ready to go home, plus we had this fight party planned 00:04:20.522 --> 00:04:25.674 because Floyd Mayweather was fighting Shane Mosley. 00:04:26.114 --> 00:04:28.444 And I had already told all my friends to come over 00:04:28.444 --> 00:04:32.904 because I wanted to show off my beautiful baby girls to everybody. 00:04:33.254 --> 00:04:34.254 Okay? 00:04:34.532 --> 00:04:36.877 We got home. We had the party. 00:04:36.877 --> 00:04:38.892 At the party I'm taking the girls around, 00:04:38.892 --> 00:04:41.933 I'm showing them to everybody because my girls are cute. 00:04:42.203 --> 00:04:45.303 They're cuter than your girls. I'm just saying. 00:04:45.508 --> 00:04:48.968 And I wanted everybody to see my beautiful babies. 00:04:48.968 --> 00:04:54.623 Here I am, my baby is only three days old, 00:04:54.868 --> 00:04:58.893 and I am socializing, showing her off, 00:04:58.893 --> 00:05:02.923 trying to be the hostess with the mostess with swollen ankles, 00:05:02.923 --> 00:05:08.028 swollen legs, swollen hands, swollen arms, and so much pain. 00:05:08.847 --> 00:05:12.577 See, I was dying because I was living. 00:05:14.078 --> 00:05:15.102 Okay? 00:05:15.525 --> 00:05:20.204 That Sunday after the fight, that Monday, actually, 00:05:20.607 --> 00:05:22.661 I woke up at six am, 00:05:23.374 --> 00:05:25.998 I did not know who my daughters were. 00:05:26.378 --> 00:05:29.153 I did not know who my damn husband was. 00:05:29.789 --> 00:05:33.159 Fortunately, he thought fast, threw us in the car, 00:05:33.159 --> 00:05:36.381 rushed me to the hospital to find out I was having a stroke. 00:05:36.831 --> 00:05:42.214 I had went home bleeding on the brain from trying to give birth to her. 00:05:42.468 --> 00:05:44.745 Just five days earlier. 00:05:45.423 --> 00:05:49.683 Two days earlier I'm the socialite, dying because I was living. 00:05:49.683 --> 00:05:55.750 See, I wasn't taking the time to enjoy the dreams that I had already created. 00:05:55.750 --> 00:05:58.234 Because the other thing that happened at that party, 00:05:58.234 --> 00:06:01.779 I was having conversations about wanting to have twins. 00:06:01.779 --> 00:06:06.389 Maybe six months later me and my husband were going to work on that development. 00:06:07.067 --> 00:06:09.007 Okay? But I already had two. 00:06:09.437 --> 00:06:15.481 Two dreams that I made come true, back to back, but it wasn't enough. 00:06:15.836 --> 00:06:18.176 Dying because I was living. 00:06:18.460 --> 00:06:24.478 Now, with that stroke, I ended up having to go into rehab 00:06:24.708 --> 00:06:27.135 because it caused me to lose my sight. 00:06:27.135 --> 00:06:29.224 It affected the left side of my brain. 00:06:29.467 --> 00:06:31.869 I could not speak in complete sentences. 00:06:32.329 --> 00:06:34.689 I could not identify things. 00:06:34.859 --> 00:06:36.514 I couldn't even walk. 00:06:37.009 --> 00:06:39.651 I spent Mother's Day in the hospital 00:06:39.921 --> 00:06:44.030 with my newborn baby and my then one-year-old daughter. 00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:50.605 So I went to rehab, and in rehab I had one job. One job. 00:06:51.263 --> 00:06:55.276 So, again, I couldn't walk. I'm in a wheelchair, right? 00:06:55.529 --> 00:07:02.441 My job every day was to roll my wheelchair up to a desk. 00:07:02.592 --> 00:07:05.238 At that desk they had a walker. 00:07:05.679 --> 00:07:09.028 I was to put my hands on the walker, push myself up, stand up, 00:07:09.208 --> 00:07:11.714 pick a pencil up that was on right side of the desk 00:07:11.714 --> 00:07:14.162 and move it to the left side of the desk. 00:07:14.417 --> 00:07:15.637 Simple, huh? 00:07:16.242 --> 00:07:17.507 Sound easy? 00:07:17.797 --> 00:07:20.016 That was the hardest thing for me to do. 00:07:20.244 --> 00:07:23.744 There was so much pain going from the back of my head 00:07:23.874 --> 00:07:25.772 all the way down to my ankles. 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:29.307 My sight came back 00:07:29.780 --> 00:07:31.929 because the pressure of the blood - 00:07:31.929 --> 00:07:36.469 what was causing me to be blind was the pressure of the blood on my brain 00:07:36.469 --> 00:07:39.371 is what caused the vision in the left side to go out. 00:07:39.371 --> 00:07:41.036 So that came back. 00:07:41.665 --> 00:07:44.802 I was really frustrated doing this exercise every day 00:07:44.802 --> 00:07:46.173 because it hurt, number one. 00:07:46.173 --> 00:07:48.173 Number two, I'm ready to go home 00:07:48.173 --> 00:07:51.293 because every day they would bring my daughters to see me, 00:07:51.293 --> 00:07:54.986 for an hour, my newborn. 00:07:55.772 --> 00:07:57.257 My baby girl would scream - 00:07:57.257 --> 00:08:00.727 I knew when they were there because she would scream coming in the door - 00:08:00.727 --> 00:08:02.908 she got to the room, got to me, she was fine. 00:08:02.908 --> 00:08:07.343 When it's time to go, and I'm putting her back in her seat for my dad to take her, 00:08:07.343 --> 00:08:10.191 she'd scream all the way out, so I knew when they were gone. 00:08:10.191 --> 00:08:11.751 I said "You know what? 00:08:11.751 --> 00:08:15.511 We're gonna go home, and this wheelchair is staying here, 00:08:15.511 --> 00:08:19.362 and this walker is staying here, it's not going, because I'm too young, 00:08:19.362 --> 00:08:23.505 I have two young daughters, and I want to be able to play with them, 00:08:23.505 --> 00:08:26.480 run with them, walk and talk with them." 00:08:26.942 --> 00:08:28.570 Eventually I got home. 00:08:29.450 --> 00:08:33.870 The wheelchair stayed, the walker had to come, but that's fine. 00:08:34.078 --> 00:08:36.548 As you see I don't have the walker now. 00:08:36.558 --> 00:08:38.657 (Applause) 00:08:40.637 --> 00:08:43.710 And, as you see, I can speak in complete sentences 00:08:43.710 --> 00:08:46.220 and you understand what I'm saying. 00:08:46.640 --> 00:08:49.685 And if you talk to me I can understand what you're saying, 00:08:49.725 --> 00:08:53.453 and I can identify that there are people, actually human beings, 00:08:53.453 --> 00:08:56.757 not trees, cats, and dogs sitting in the audience. 00:08:57.478 --> 00:09:00.841 So we got past that, right? 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:06.545 But I was still dying because I was living. 00:09:06.964 --> 00:09:09.382 After, I went right back to work. 00:09:09.666 --> 00:09:10.951 Went to work. 00:09:11.071 --> 00:09:12.769 We ended up moving to Tyler. 00:09:12.769 --> 00:09:16.536 Now, I'm the Program Director at an urban radio station. 00:09:16.536 --> 00:09:20.422 I am loving it because I am in complete control 00:09:20.422 --> 00:09:23.833 and in charge in a market that I want to be in. 00:09:24.255 --> 00:09:26.738 That wasn't my first time being Program Director, 00:09:26.738 --> 00:09:28.478 that was actually my second time, 00:09:28.478 --> 00:09:30.292 and I've also been Operations Manager, 00:09:30.292 --> 00:09:31.912 just so you know. 00:09:32.552 --> 00:09:34.322 So I get this job, 00:09:34.662 --> 00:09:39.752 and in my house there's a radio that nobody can touch, 00:09:39.752 --> 00:09:40.942 because understand this, 00:09:40.942 --> 00:09:44.829 as a Program Director my job is to select the music that we play, 00:09:44.829 --> 00:09:47.063 approve the promotions that are going to go on. 00:09:47.063 --> 00:09:51.828 I'm over the air staff, I'm over everything that happens on this station. 00:09:51.828 --> 00:09:55.900 If it goes wrong according to management, it is my fault. 00:09:57.045 --> 00:09:59.058 So nobody could touch this radio. 00:09:59.385 --> 00:10:04.343 My mom came to town, turned my radio off, it was a problem. 00:10:04.503 --> 00:10:06.968 This is my house; don't touch nothing. 00:10:08.223 --> 00:10:09.673 Leave it the way it is. 00:10:11.008 --> 00:10:14.428 With that radio I would listen to my station all night long. 00:10:14.428 --> 00:10:17.206 So if my station went off the air, I knew it in my sleep. 00:10:17.206 --> 00:10:18.466 And when it would go off, 00:10:18.466 --> 00:10:21.370 I had my phone next to me, I'd roll over, call my engineer, 00:10:21.370 --> 00:10:24.974 say "Hey, the station's off the air. You need to get me back up right now." 00:10:24.974 --> 00:10:26.654 When I got to work one day he said, 00:10:26.654 --> 00:10:28.554 "Listen, you need to get some rest 00:10:28.554 --> 00:10:31.137 because all of that calling in the middle of the night, 00:10:31.137 --> 00:10:33.597 I don't understand how you do that. 00:10:33.597 --> 00:10:37.337 You work 24 hours a day listening to the station." 00:10:37.509 --> 00:10:40.946 "Well, look, dude, I love my job, I love my station, and I want it right. 00:10:40.946 --> 00:10:42.294 And you got to get it right. 00:10:42.294 --> 00:10:45.157 If you can't get it right then I need to go talk to corporate 00:10:45.157 --> 00:10:48.207 so they can get somebody over here that can get it right for me." 00:10:48.922 --> 00:10:50.047 That 00:10:51.478 --> 00:10:55.058 was causing me to die because I was living. 00:10:55.258 --> 00:10:56.687 I ended up in the hospital 00:10:56.687 --> 00:11:03.669 because I was having these sharp pains that started in the winter of 2014. 00:11:04.256 --> 00:11:09.546 By the summer of 2015, 00:11:10.206 --> 00:11:15.582 I'm in the ER because I'm on the air trying to record my show. 00:11:15.582 --> 00:11:17.959 These pains are going on and all of the sudden 00:11:17.959 --> 00:11:20.489 (Sucking sound) just all the air sucks out of me, 00:11:20.489 --> 00:11:22.869 and it goes somewhere, I don't know where. 00:11:23.117 --> 00:11:25.582 And this pain is so much. 00:11:25.902 --> 00:11:28.885 So I said, Okay, well, you know what? Let me turn this mic off. 00:11:28.885 --> 00:11:32.142 Let me put the mic back. Let me pick up my keys, put 'em in my purse. 00:11:32.142 --> 00:11:34.355 Let me walk to the front, to the receptionist, 00:11:34.355 --> 00:11:39.701 say, "Hey, listen, I'm going to lunch. If you need me call me. I'll be back." 00:11:40.751 --> 00:11:43.666 But what I did, I got in my car, I drove myself to the ER, 00:11:43.846 --> 00:11:47.316 walked in and told them, "Hey, this is what's going on." 00:11:47.371 --> 00:11:50.000 And immediately this swarm of people came, 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:52.253 and they started putting all these things on me. 00:11:52.253 --> 00:11:54.063 They are hooking me up to an EKG. 00:11:54.063 --> 00:11:55.872 So I was having a heart attack. 00:11:57.052 --> 00:12:01.121 Still dying because I'm living. 00:12:01.121 --> 00:12:03.231 The doctor told me - I'll never forget this - 00:12:03.231 --> 00:12:04.583 he walked up to me, he said, 00:12:04.583 --> 00:12:06.068 "Miss Scott, 00:12:06.068 --> 00:12:08.938 you're a workaholic, and you need to stop." 00:12:09.468 --> 00:12:12.898 I said, "Nah, you don't understand, see, because I'm number one, 00:12:12.898 --> 00:12:14.408 and we can't fall below - 00:12:14.408 --> 00:12:19.631 Do you want to be the number three surgeon here or whatever it is you are? 00:12:19.753 --> 00:12:21.873 'Cause see, that's not going to work for me." 00:12:21.873 --> 00:12:25.084 He said, "Listen, you can go back to work if you want to, 00:12:25.340 --> 00:12:27.060 but you're gonna be right back here, 00:12:27.060 --> 00:12:29.592 and I can't guarantee you that you're gonna go home." 00:12:29.801 --> 00:12:31.732 So I took the two weeks off. 00:12:31.972 --> 00:12:36.312 And I literally cried listening to the radio 00:12:36.312 --> 00:12:38.482 because things weren't going as I wanted. 00:12:38.482 --> 00:12:41.050 I'm calling, saying,"Look, y'all need to change these - 00:12:41.050 --> 00:12:42.760 nobody's touching it." 00:12:43.510 --> 00:12:45.736 See, they were living because they were dying, 00:12:45.736 --> 00:12:49.149 but I was still dying because I was living. 00:12:50.828 --> 00:12:53.421 So, we get to my 40th birthday. 00:12:53.651 --> 00:12:56.891 November, 2016. 00:12:57.131 --> 00:12:59.680 I'm 40. I'm on my way to Vegas. 00:12:59.680 --> 00:13:02.790 I'll be covering the Soul Train Music Awards. 00:13:02.790 --> 00:13:08.630 I'm having a good time, and I find out I have breast cancer. 00:13:09.599 --> 00:13:11.360 And in that moment, 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:14.625 that's when I started living because I was dying. 00:13:14.985 --> 00:13:19.475 See, my doctors told me I had to do 22 rounds of chemo, 00:13:19.895 --> 00:13:22.205 14 rounds of radiation, 00:13:22.665 --> 00:13:26.586 and if I didn't do it - because I wasn't a good patient - 00:13:27.226 --> 00:13:30.246 if I didn't do it, in four months I would die. 00:13:30.884 --> 00:13:35.139 And I looked at her, I said, "Listen, okay, I'm not doing all that, 00:13:35.139 --> 00:13:39.019 because number one, I've already had a stroke, a heart attack, 00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:42.186 so I'm not doing this, I'm going to take my chance." 00:13:43.116 --> 00:13:45.776 Well, it's past four months, so ... 00:13:46.166 --> 00:13:49.634 We beat breast cancer. December, 2017 00:13:49.634 --> 00:13:51.574 (Applause) 00:13:55.289 --> 00:13:56.504 But, 00:13:56.504 --> 00:14:01.057 it was in that moment that I learned how to live because I was dying. 00:14:01.057 --> 00:14:05.281 Now, what's important is spending time with the two daughters that I have. 00:14:05.630 --> 00:14:08.510 Now, what's important is being good at what I do. 00:14:08.510 --> 00:14:11.586 Yes, I have goals to excel, 00:14:11.586 --> 00:14:16.322 but to get there as a process not as a race to be first. 00:14:16.342 --> 00:14:21.072 If I get there in 25th place, it's fine, hey, I got there. 00:14:21.231 --> 00:14:27.686 And once you take the time to figure out what's really important to you, 00:14:27.918 --> 00:14:32.725 in that moment you will start living because you're dying, 00:14:32.725 --> 00:14:36.285 and trust me, we are all dying. 00:14:36.855 --> 00:14:41.505 So my challenge to you is to live your life to the fullest. 00:14:41.805 --> 00:14:45.648 Take the time to enjoy the things that mean the most to you. 00:14:45.648 --> 00:14:50.303 Cut the stress out, whatever it is, because it's not worth it. 00:14:50.303 --> 00:14:52.483 We don't know when we'll take our last breath; 00:14:52.483 --> 00:14:54.590 we don't know when our last day is. 00:14:54.590 --> 00:14:58.113 But the one thing that we can do and what we can control 00:14:58.113 --> 00:15:03.537 is to make sure that we are living because we are dying. 00:15:03.537 --> 00:15:04.601 Thank you.