[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.39,0:00:31.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.93,0:00:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Relationships are almost always \Nthe most difficult aspect of our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.32,0:00:41.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what's more difficult than having a relationship,\Nis losing the relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.37,0:00:45.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's difficult to find somebody\Nwho hasn't experienced a break-up or a divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.69,0:00:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a separation from someone that they love.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.08,0:00:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For this reason, it's obvious \Nthat heartbreak is an important topic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.22,0:00:58.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before going on, it must be said \Nthat it's possible to experience heartbreak,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.12,0:01:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without a relationship actually physically ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.72,0:01:08.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, some people live their life \Ninside a relationship in a state of perpetual heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.01,0:01:12.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When this is the case, the break-up has still occurred,\Nbut it has occurred internally.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.93,0:01:20.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To love someone is to include that person as yourself, \Nis to come into a state of emotional oneness.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.21,0:01:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we are at our best when we are in this state, \Ncause it's our most natural state.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.80,0:01:31.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means that we are vibrationally \Nmatching the frequency of source itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.61,0:01:36.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In contrast, to break up with someone \Nis to become separated.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.67,0:01:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the most extreme difference \Nfrom source vibration that you can possibly get.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.90,0:01:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of being the presence of source,\Nit is the absence of source.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.23,0:01:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we are at our absolute worst \Nwhen we're in that particular frequency.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.44,0:01:55.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All break-ups are essentially a betrayal.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.99,0:02:00.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A betrayal is the breaking \Nof a presumptive contract or agreement.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.36,0:02:03.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we love someone, we enter \Ninto a kind of energetic agreement
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.92,0:02:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or lose contract to be one.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.07,0:02:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we experience a break-up, whether it's \Nan actual break-up or an energetic break-up.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.41,0:02:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This agreement is broken.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.88,0:02:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a result, we feel betrayed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.57,0:02:21.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All betrayals of the unspoken\Noneness agreement in a relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.19,0:02:24.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether it's emotional withdrawal, \Nor cheating, or criticism,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.15,0:02:27.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,creates a separation between two people.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.55,0:02:31.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why exactly is breaking up so incredibly painful?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.50,0:02:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As we said earlier, to love somebody\Nis to include them as yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.69,0:02:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to break up with someone, \Nwhether you were the one that did the breaking up,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.79,0:02:43.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or whether they were the ones \Nthat did the breaking up with you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.59,0:02:47.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are still losing a part of yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.17,0:02:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On an emotional level, \Na break-up feels like a severing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.07,0:02:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feels like a part of you \Nis being severed from the rest of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.28,0:03:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now as it applies to relationships, it's quite common\Nthat hatred is the way that we feel
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.03,0:03:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,towards people who we have a break-up with.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.02,0:03:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason is that hatred\Nis the cover emotion for hurt.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.96,0:03:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I mean by cover emotions is that your emotional \Nbody actually comes with survival mechanisms.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.90,0:03:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whenever you are in a superbly low vibration,\None that could line you up with a negative experience
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.50,0:03:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that could threaten your own survival,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.90,0:03:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have a knee-jurk reaction \Nto move into a higher vibrational state.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.82,0:03:34.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In psychology, \Nsometimes they call this is a secondary emotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.57,0:03:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I call it a cover emotion because it exists\Nto keep you from being in the lower vibration.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.43,0:03:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sort of like ice over the top of a frozen lake.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.52,0:03:51.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hatred, being the cover emotion from hurt, \Nenables people to stay out of the pain
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.14,0:03:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they're experiencing as a result \Nof the betrayal they feel
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.87,0:03:58.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result of that separation\Nfrom the person that they love.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.69,0:04:04.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Obviously, when we're in a state of hatred,\Nwe're usually in a state of heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.26,0:04:08.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what needs to be addressed \Nis the hurt underneath the hatred.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.49,0:04:13.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The heart chakra is the energy center of the body\Nthat corresponds to connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.17,0:04:17.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the chakra that is concerned with wholeness, \Nand love, and compassion, among other things.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.92,0:04:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The heart chakra is the unifier.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.30,0:04:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is why so many of the organs and biologic systems \Nassociated with the heart chakra,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.62,0:04:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are unifying systems,\Nlike the circulatory system.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.31,0:04:30.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They unify the whole body.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.22,0:04:34.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we experience the severing or separation inherent in a break-up,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.22,0:04:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the chakra and biological systems associated with it, \Nthat are the most impacted,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.65,0:04:44.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the chakra that is in charge of connection, \Nthe heart chakra.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.81,0:04:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a biological level, emotional pain and physical pain\Ninvolves the same regions of the brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.86,0:04:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many scientists suggest that when painful mental\Nand emotional separation occurs between people,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.52,0:05:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it causes an area of the brain to be stimulated that \Nin turn overstimulates a nerve called the Vagus nerve,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.21,0:05:04.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,causing pain in the chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.61,0:05:08.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This chest pain is why people \Nsay their heart has been broken.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.81,0:05:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is easy to see how the pain receptors in the body\Nthat would be the most affected by loss trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.01,0:05:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the nerves associated with the chakra \Nand biological systems that deal with connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.02,0:05:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This, after all, is where the damage is.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.17,0:05:25.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before we go on, I'm gonna \Nlet some of you off of the hook.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.46,0:05:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's really common in relationships,\Nthough none of us wanna talk about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.80,0:05:30.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that when things go really south,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.62,0:05:35.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we start hoping that our partner\Nwill just die in freak accident.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.69,0:05:38.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't worry, a lot of people think that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.95,0:05:44.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason is, is that all break-up is, \Nis a death of something,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.69,0:05:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a death of a part of yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.68,0:05:54.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when we don't feel like we have \Nthe strength to willingly cause a death,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.64,0:05:59.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we hope it will happen unwillingly, or involuntarily.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.94,0:06:01.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way we don't have to face the guilt.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.88,0:06:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't have to doubt ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.48,0:06:07.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't have to feel self-blame,\Non top of the pain of the loss itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.56,0:06:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if it was the other person who chose to do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.75,0:06:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're going to experience a death \Nof something that is a part of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.88,0:06:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What ensues is a grieving process much like the one\Nthat happens when someone we love actually dies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.70,0:06:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not just gonna wake up one day \Nand get over heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.90,0:06:26.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heartbreak is a trauma to the system \Nand like any other trauma,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.94,0:06:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the system has to go through a healing process \Nto get to a state of wholeness again.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.08,0:06:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You may decide to move on,\Nbut that does not mean you have healed anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.31,0:06:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trying to rush the process of healing \Nafter you experience a breakup,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.56,0:06:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does not work anymore than it works to rush\Nthe process of grieving after someone dies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.41,0:06:50.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That being said, heartache, \Ndoes not have to last forever.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.09,0:06:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't even have to last for a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.00,0:06:56.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the more proactive \Nyou are about your healing process,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.76,0:07:00.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,obviously, the faster the healing process is going to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.81,0:07:04.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what should you do \Nif you experience heartbreak?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.26,0:07:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before we get into the list, it's important to know \Nthat if the break-up was recent
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.01,0:07:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're still in the shock and the grief of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.52,0:07:17.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stop living your life for this day or this week.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.44,0:07:21.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Start living for the next 5 minutes, or hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.56,0:07:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When life collapses \Nand we're in the wake of a major trauma,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.31,0:07:29.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've got to reel it in and only plan \Nand live our life according to short increments.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.47,0:07:32.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would make me feel better for the next 5 minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.49,0:07:36.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what would feel like relief to do with the next hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.67,0:07:39.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we're living minute to minute, and hour to hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.63,0:07:43.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we can extend that \Nas time goes on and we feel capable.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.75,0:07:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now for the list.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.79,0:07:49.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first thing, is that you do not distract yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.46,0:07:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a common thing \Nthat people will try to tell you to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.12,0:07:54.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most especially your friends \Nwhen you're feeling heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.78,0:07:56.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's distract ourselves by going hiking,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.37,0:07:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's distract ourselves by playing a game.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.22,0:08:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's distract ourselves by drinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.22,0:08:03.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This will backfire immensely.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.89,0:08:06.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've already lost an aspect of yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.54,0:08:12.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you go and bounce out on yourself, which is what \Nyou're doing when you're distracting yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.61,0:08:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're just going to compound the wound \Nthat has already occured.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.66,0:08:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heartbreak is all consuming \Nand it's okay to let it be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.80,0:08:22.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes to get to the other side of something, \Nwe have to go straight into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.81,0:08:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Recognize that if you have\Ncome together with somebody,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.32,0:08:30.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to form an attachment \Nkind of relationship with somebody,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.21,0:08:36.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most likely it is a compensation \Nfor an aspect of yourself that you have lost already.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.84,0:08:41.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Subconsciously, being with that other person \Nmakes you feel more whole in some way.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.71,0:08:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We must embark on a journey of restoring \Nour completeness, in and of ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.22,0:08:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We must turn our attention inward\Nand become whole again.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.19,0:08:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do not mistake this for independence.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.16,0:08:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is an interdependent universe.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.72,0:08:56.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Interdependence is not painful. \NIndependence is.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.60,0:09:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Autonomy on the other hand, \Nis a state of wholeness in and of itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.68,0:09:05.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a state of wholeness we do not come together with\Nother people to make up for what is missing within us.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.100,0:09:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To be autonomous, we have to be \Nin a secure relationship with ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.24,0:09:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to take steps to insure \Na secure relationship for ourselves, with ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.36,0:09:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we have to take steps to become whole.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.94,0:09:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The worst thing you can do, \Nwhen you're in this phase of heartbreak,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.32,0:09:30.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to jump right into another attachment type\Nof relationship with someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.42,0:09:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially if this is a romantic break-up\Nthat we're talking about.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.96,0:09:40.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can't do that straight away without\Nmaking the trauma that we're experiencing worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.15,0:09:46.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm developing a process currently, \Nthat's called the completion process.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.11,0:09:51.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's actually a process which is designed \Nto help us become whole again.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.46,0:09:56.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hopefully, by the time you're watching this, \NI will have completed that process already,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.93,0:10:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you can find it on the internet \Nand actually add that to your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.15,0:10:07.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Part of becoming whole is to come back to yourself,\Nto find yourself all over again.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.19,0:10:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who am I?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.88,0:10:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do I want?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.85,0:10:13.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do I need?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.47,0:10:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What changes do I want to make to my life?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.49,0:10:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think back to a time when you were truly happy\Nin an autonomous way in your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.39,0:10:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What things were you doing then?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.62,0:10:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Add some of those things back into your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.35,0:10:31.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Often, break-ups call for starting over as if\Nfrom square one and going in a whole new direction.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.64,0:10:35.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our priorities have to shift, \Nwe have to be willing to do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.51,0:10:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to take the steps \Nto feel like ourselves again,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.25,0:10:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we have lost ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.38,0:10:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even people who decide to end the relationship go \Nthrough a period of feeling lost without the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.22,0:10:49.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're feeling lost, you can look \Nup my YouTube video titled:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.16,0:10:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.20,0:10:57.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,3. Change up your life so it feels new.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.09,0:11:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This can be as drastic as moving to a whole new city, \Ngetting a whole new job, starting a whole new life.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.80,0:11:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or it can be something as simple \Nas rearranging the furniture in your house, redecorating.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.61,0:11:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We could cook new foods.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.09,0:11:13.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We could change something \Nabout our physical appearance.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.01,0:11:18.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Changing things in your life around, especially things \Nthat remind you of the pain of the loss, is crucial.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.57,0:11:21.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't be afraid to put away \Nthe reminders you have of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.73,0:11:25.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This may feel scary because you don't want \Nto lose any more connection with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.22,0:11:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But remind yourself, \Nyou're not burning the reminder of them,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.88,0:11:31.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless you ofcourse need to do that to let go,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.12,0:11:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're just boxing it up so it's out of sight.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.38,0:11:35.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can still take it out any time you want to.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.48,0:11:39.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or throw it away if and when the time ever feels right.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.04,0:11:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,4. We have to adress our negative beliefs, like core\Nbeliefs, that have occurred as a result of this pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.62,0:11:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Things like: "I'm never gonna trust anyone ever again."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.91,0:11:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or "I can't make relationships work."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.56,0:11:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We especially want to adress the 'shoulds'.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.46,0:11:59.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What causes us extreme amounts of pain, \Nwhen it comes to break-ups,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.38,0:12:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the idea that it shouldn't be happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.64,0:12:06.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We 'should' be with this person for the rest of our life.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.01,0:12:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we think that something 'should' happen, \Nand it's not happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.70,0:12:13.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a recipe for emotional disaster.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.38,0:12:17.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So for those of you that want to change these beliefs \Nonce you discover what they are,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.100,0:12:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go look at my YouTube video titled: \N"How to Change a Belief".
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.50,0:12:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, look into Byron Katie's work.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.28,0:12:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her process, which is actually called 'The Work', \Nis some of the best that I have found
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.32,0:12:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it comes to flipping around your thoughts in a way that you can see a perspective that you didn't see before.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.62,0:12:40.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,5. Ask 'Why?'
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.100,0:12:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, a lot of people who coach you through heartbreak\Nare going to tell you to avoid asking why,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.24,0:12:48.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to just drop it all together\Nbecause it's gonna cause you more pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.47,0:12:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could not disagree more.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.55,0:12:53.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's crucial that we ask \Nwhy something happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.35,0:12:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The understanding, in fact, will set us free.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.83,0:13:00.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only that, it's important that we learn\Nfrom every single experience that we have
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.28,0:13:05.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we don't repeat the same patterns \Nand exact the same mistakes again.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.08,0:13:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whilst maintaining the understanding\Nthat there's always a much more beautiful and positive
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.13,0:13:13.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,big picture behind why it ultimately happened,\Nit's crucial that we develop awareness.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.23,0:13:20.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even when we say we don't know why \Nsomething happened, we almost always do know why.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.00,0:13:23.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just that we aren't admitting it to ourselves \Nbecause it's too painful.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.69,0:13:27.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,6. People come in and out of our lives for a reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.07,0:13:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We may be telling ourselves the story \Nthat they were in our lives for a reason,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.63,0:13:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like that they are our soulmate, when in fact they came\Ninto our life for an entirely other reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.45,0:13:39.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stay open to the idea that they have come \Nto give you part of the puzzle
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.87,0:13:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and begin to look for what part or parts of the puzzle \Nthey may have come to give you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.13,0:13:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very tempting when we feel heartbroken\Nto feel like the world is against us.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.38,0:13:51.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looking for the positive things \Nthat came as a result of the relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.68,0:13:55.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,including what the relationship \Ncaused you to know that you really want,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.27,0:13:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a great way to get out of the feeling\Nthat you have been nothing but harmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.99,0:14:04.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,7. Sit down and figure out what is right with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.02,0:14:07.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we experience a break-up of any kind,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.01,0:14:10.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,usually our self-worth takes a major tank along with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.32,0:14:15.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We start telling ourselves the story\Nthat there must be something wrong with us.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.08,0:14:18.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only that, when it comes to break-ups, \Nthis is especially amplified.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.58,0:14:25.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because obviously, if something wasn't wrong with us, \Nthis wouldn't have happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.08,0:14:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to shift our focus to our strengths, \Nand the things that make us worth connecting with.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.40,0:14:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we have a difficult time coming up with this list,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.43,0:14:37.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can contact our friends \Nand have them each compile a list about us.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.61,0:14:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, with each item or each strength, we have \Nto figure out how that strength helps us in our life,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.60,0:14:50.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why it might be beneficial to someone \Nwho wants to be in a relationship with us.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.100,0:14:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,8. Feel the support and connection\Nwith other people in your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.85,0:14:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Find a community.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.37,0:15:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A break-up is the most painful thing \Nbecause it is a loss of connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.44,0:15:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Obviously, if you find connection in other ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.51,0:15:10.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're not gonna be starving to death for connection \Nto such an extreme degree.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.51,0:15:13.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a perfect time to work on receiving energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.42,0:15:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you have trouble with receiving, \Nwatch my YouTube video titled: "How to receive".
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.31,0:15:24.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This will also help you to feel like you're not alone, \Nso anxiety is less likely to be triggered.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.17,0:15:27.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You may not feel capable of connecting \Nwith people in the state of pain that you're in,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.96,0:15:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it will help you, because you're suffering \Nfrom the absence of someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.95,0:15:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having the presence of someone \Ndoes help improve the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.26,0:15:39.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,9. Think about the best case scenario.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.19,0:15:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we experience a break-up,\Nwe instantly spiral into the worst case scenario
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.80,0:15:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because our life is enduring a complete collapse.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.23,0:15:54.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, we have to think about the best case scenario \Nin our lives in say a year from now.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.06,0:15:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would we be doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.26,0:15:57.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would we be with?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.29,0:16:02.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What kinds of new aspects \Nwould we see in our lives?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.12,0:16:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the kind of way\Nwe need to start thinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.55,0:16:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the reality is, a break-up \Nmay be a closing of one door,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.46,0:16:10.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that means that another door has opened.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.74,0:16:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just maybe, the door that has opened for you, is the\None which will let in what you've actually always wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.49,0:16:22.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,10. Let yourself cry when you feel the urge to cry.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.58,0:16:27.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crying is a detoxification of pent up emotional energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.14,0:16:30.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suppression is the opposite of healing.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.14,0:16:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crying may feel embarrassing, but it's important\Nto get over the social stigma and let it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.09,0:16:37.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,11. Relax your body.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.73,0:16:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Relaxing your body, relaxes the mind \Nand relaxing the mind relaxes the body.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.55,0:16:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a two way street.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.02,0:16:48.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can use this to our advantage because often\Nwhen we're in the middle of a break-up,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.55,0:16:51.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can't relax our mind \Nno matter what we try to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.92,0:16:55.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we can try to relax our body instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.05,0:16:59.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to take whatever steps we can \Nto get our body into a state of ease.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.17,0:17:02.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This means: put on a song \Nthat positively alters the way you feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.61,0:17:03.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or get a massage.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.83,0:17:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or do yoga, or exercise,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.64,0:17:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or paint or sculpt
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.61,0:17:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or do breathing exercises specifically for stress
Dialogue: 0,0:17:11.50,0:17:13.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or taking Epsom Salt baths.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.72,0:17:16.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do anything that would bring your body \Ninto a state of ease.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.34,0:17:20.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,12. Meditate daily.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.55,0:17:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meditation enables us to release our thoughts \Nso our thoughts can stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.72,0:17:28.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It gives us an extreme amount of relief.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.67,0:17:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is really important during a break-up.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.42,0:17:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It also allows us to connect with our Source aspect, \Nwith the spiritual realms
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.95,0:17:41.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that enables us to see a bigger perspective.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.37,0:17:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That bigger perspective is, ofcourse, very important \Nwhen we're living a painful subjective reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:46.86,0:17:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, when we meditate, we come into a state of \Nallowing, which is the most healing of all states.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.20,0:17:58.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,13. Write in our gratitude or our positive aspects journal.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.14,0:18:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we experience a break-up, \Nthe world essentially turns black.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.68,0:18:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can't see any positive,\Nwe can only focus on the negative
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.27,0:18:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're spiraling out of control.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.21,0:18:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So one of the best things you can do,\Nespecially first thing in the morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.89,0:18:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and last thing before you go to bed at night,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.82,0:18:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to force yourself to write a full page \Nof things that you either feel grateful for,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.81,0:18:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,appreciate or things that feel good\Nto think about or look at, or experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.52,0:18:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you're in emotional pain, \Nit's best to think small.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.97,0:18:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's be honest, the big things in our life \Naren't really going so well right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.39,0:18:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what we have to do is to focus on the very little things which cause us to feel positive emotion
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.97,0:18:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we think about them or look at them \Nor when we experience them.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.56,0:18:46.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And be honest.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.32,0:18:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can only put things on this list\Nthat genuinely feel good to put down.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.69,0:18:55.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not things you think you 'should' put down \Nbecause they 'should' feel good right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.53,0:19:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we do this before bed, our sleep will be better and we will wake up in the same vibration we went to sleep in
Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.52,0:19:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is improved.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.09,0:19:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we wake up and do this, \Nwe set the stage for the rest of the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:05.20,0:19:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is especially important if we're going \Nthrough a heartbreak because when we're heartbroken,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.76,0:19:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we usually wake up and the heartbreak\Nhit us like a semi truck again
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.68,0:19:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the rest of the day we spend just trying to cope\Nand stay alive instead of living.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:17.06,0:19:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,14. Practice the art of self-love.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.66,0:19:25.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm fully aware, that when you're going \Nthrough a heartbreak because you've lost love
Dialogue: 0,0:19:25.61,0:19:28.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and somebody comes in and says "love yourself"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.82,0:19:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it feels horrible because it's almost like I'm telling you \N"you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life".
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.18,0:19:36.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's not what I'm saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.27,0:19:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This universe operates\Naccording to the 'law of attraction'.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:39.22,0:19:40.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is like a big mirror.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.70,0:19:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So whatever vibration we hold\Nis reflected by the universe.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.27,0:19:47.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the more love we send in our own direction,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.24,0:19:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more people will come into our life \Nwho will also send love in our direction.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:52.25,0:19:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Self hurt is behind self hate.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.23,0:19:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So loving yourself will also \Nprevent you from hurting yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.14,0:20:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which to add injury to injury, \Nis a common side effect of heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:04.94,0:20:11.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've written a book called "Shadows Before Dawn"\Nwhich is a book that teaches you how to love yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.75,0:20:15.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's scheduled for release in may of 2015.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:15.46,0:20:19.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So hopefully by the time you're watching this,\Nthat book will be released.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.45,0:20:21.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'd like to learn how to love yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:21.65,0:20:23.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pick up a copy of the book.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.47,0:20:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,15. We need to allow ourselves to gain closure.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:27.22,0:20:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So right now, ask yourself \N"What do I need in order to gain closure?"
Dialogue: 0,0:20:32.16,0:20:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Figure out what loose ends are preventing you \Nfrom moving forward in your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.54,0:20:38.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe your feel like you need to apologize.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:38.65,0:20:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you feel like you need to ask 'why'.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:41.06,0:20:44.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you need to find out\Nhow to avoid the same mistake in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:44.39,0:20:47.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you have to give something away \Nthat you've been keeping.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:47.04,0:20:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you have to have a symbolic ceremony.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.47,0:20:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let yourself gain closure in whatever way you need to.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.66,0:20:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,16. Seek out therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:55.92,0:21:01.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are so many types of therapies that you wanna do research to find which one resonates the most with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:01.59,0:21:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But just for your information.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:03.30,0:21:09.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are entire therapy modalities \Nwhich deal entirely with relationship loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.42,0:21:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you have lost your secure attachment to somebody\Nbecause a relationships has ended,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.88,0:21:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or there's been a break-up regardless \Nof whether your relationship has ended or not,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:19.38,0:21:23.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a therapist can actually be \Na secure attachment figure for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:24.64,0:21:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is in fact the main reason \Nwhy therapy is so therapeutic.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.12,0:21:31.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to be able to get help \Nwhen we feel like we need help
Dialogue: 0,0:21:31.72,0:21:34.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and heartbreak is a valid reason to seek out help.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:34.38,0:21:36.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Allow yourself to feel sorry for your loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.91,0:21:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The people who stay stuck in heartbreak are usually the people who never fully let themselves grieve or feel sorry for the loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:43.02,0:21:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In reality, we are all made up of the same energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:45.94,0:21:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are all a part of a unified energetic field.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:49.44,0:21:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, we cannot really lose anyone or anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.10,0:21:57.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can only create the illusion \Nthat we have lost that particular thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:57.64,0:22:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ultimately there is no coming \Nand there is no going.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.40,0:22:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot lose your interconnectedness\Nbecause it is the basis of all that is.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:04.48,0:22:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pain is temporary.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:07.16,0:22:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't feel like it \Nwhen you're in the middle of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:09.14,0:22:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is why pain is so incredibly excruciating.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:13.07,0:22:17.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But your pain is like a crying child.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:17.03,0:22:18.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Treat it like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:18.91,0:22:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your pain is not trying to hurt you.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:21.67,0:22:23.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is, instead, the one that is hurting.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:23.71,0:22:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it is crying out for your help.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.24,0:22:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have a good week.