0:00:30.394,0:00:31.934 Hello there. 0:00:31.934,0:00:36.319 Relationships are almost always [br]the most difficult aspect of our lives. 0:00:36.319,0:00:41.371 But what's more difficult than having a relationship,[br]is losing the relationship. 0:00:41.371,0:00:45.694 It's difficult to find somebody[br]who hasn't experienced a break-up or a divorce, 0:00:45.694,0:00:48.075 or a separation from someone that they love. 0:00:48.075,0:00:54.215 For this reason, it's obvious [br]that heartbreak is an important topic. 0:00:54.215,0:00:58.124 Before going on, it must be said [br]that it's possible to experience heartbreak, 0:00:58.124,0:01:01.725 without a relationship actually physically ending. 0:01:01.725,0:01:08.008 In fact, some people live their life [br]inside a relationship in a state of perpetual heartbreak. 0:01:08.008,0:01:12.927 When this is the case, the break-up has still occurred,[br]but it has occurred internally. 0:01:12.927,0:01:20.128 To love someone is to include that person as yourself, [br]is to come into a state of emotional oneness. 0:01:21.207,0:01:25.798 Now we are at our best when we are in this state, [br]cause it's our most natural state. 0:01:25.798,0:01:31.608 It means that we are vibrationally [br]matching the frequency of source itself. 0:01:31.608,0:01:36.673 In contrast, to break up with someone [br]is to become separated. 0:01:36.673,0:01:42.903 It is the most extreme difference [br]from source vibration that you can possibly get. 0:01:42.903,0:01:47.232 Instead of being the presence of source,[br]it is the absence of source. 0:01:47.232,0:01:52.435 So we are at our absolute worst [br]when we're in that particular frequency. 0:01:52.435,0:01:55.989 All break-ups are essentially a betrayal. 0:01:55.989,0:02:00.359 A betrayal is the breaking [br]of a presumptive contract or agreement. 0:02:00.359,0:02:03.924 When we love someone, we enter [br]into a kind of energetic agreement 0:02:03.924,0:02:07.068 or lose contract to be one. 0:02:07.068,0:02:11.409 When we experience a break-up, whether it's [br]an actual break-up or an energetic break-up. 0:02:11.409,0:02:13.884 This agreement is broken. 0:02:13.884,0:02:16.571 As a result, we feel betrayed. 0:02:16.571,0:02:21.191 All betrayals of the unspoken[br]oneness agreement in a relationship. 0:02:21.191,0:02:24.152 Whether it's emotional withdrawal, [br]or cheating, or criticism, 0:02:24.152,0:02:27.546 creates a separation between two people. 0:02:27.546,0:02:31.872 Why exactly is breaking up so incredibly painful? 0:02:32.502,0:02:37.693 As we said earlier, to love somebody[br]is to include them as yourself. 0:02:37.693,0:02:40.788 So to break up with someone, [br]whether you were the one that did the breaking up, 0:02:40.788,0:02:43.592 or whether they were the ones [br]that did the breaking up with you, 0:02:43.592,0:02:47.172 you are still losing a part of yourself. 0:02:47.172,0:02:51.068 On an emotional level, [br]a break-up feels like a severing. 0:02:51.068,0:02:56.281 It feels like a part of you [br]is being severed from the rest of you. 0:02:56.281,0:03:02.034 Now as it applies to relationships, it's quite common[br]that hatred is the way that we feel 0:03:02.034,0:03:05.023 towards people who we have a break-up with. 0:03:05.023,0:03:08.964 The reason is that hatred[br]is the cover emotion for hurt. 0:03:08.964,0:03:15.897 What I mean by cover emotions is that your emotional [br]body actually comes with survival mechanisms. 0:03:15.897,0:03:22.499 Whenever you are in a superbly low vibration,[br]one that could line you up with a negative experience 0:03:22.499,0:03:25.895 that could threaten your own survival, 0:03:25.895,0:03:30.817 you have a knee-jurk reaction [br]to move into a higher vibrational state. 0:03:30.817,0:03:34.569 In psychology, [br]sometimes they call this is a secondary emotion. 0:03:34.569,0:03:40.427 I call it a cover emotion because it exists[br]to keep you from being in the lower vibration. 0:03:40.427,0:03:44.522 Sort of like ice over the top of a frozen lake. 0:03:44.522,0:03:51.137 Hatred, being the cover emotion from hurt, [br]enables people to stay out of the pain 0:03:51.137,0:03:54.866 that they're experiencing as a result [br]of the betrayal they feel 0:03:54.866,0:03:58.689 as a result of that separation[br]from the person that they love. 0:03:58.689,0:04:04.264 Obviously, when we're in a state of hatred,[br]we're usually in a state of heartbreak. 0:04:04.264,0:04:08.487 And what needs to be addressed [br]is the hurt underneath the hatred. 0:04:08.487,0:04:13.167 The heart chakra is the energy center of the body[br]that corresponds to connection. 0:04:13.167,0:04:17.918 It's the chakra that is concerned with wholeness, [br]and love, and compassion, among other things. 0:04:17.918,0:04:20.299 The heart chakra is the unifier. 0:04:20.299,0:04:24.617 This is why so many of the organs and biologic systems [br]associated with the heart chakra, 0:04:24.617,0:04:28.309 are unifying systems,[br]like the circulatory system. 0:04:28.309,0:04:30.220 They unify the whole body. 0:04:30.220,0:04:34.224 When we experience the severing or separation inherent in a break-up, 0:04:34.224,0:04:39.651 the chakra and biological systems associated with it, [br]that are the most impacted, 0:04:39.651,0:04:44.810 is the chakra that is in charge of connection, [br]the heart chakra. 0:04:44.810,0:04:50.857 On a biological level, emotional pain and physical pain[br]involves the same regions of the brain. 0:04:50.857,0:04:55.522 Many scientists suggest that when painful mental[br]and emotional separation occurs between people, 0:04:55.522,0:05:02.211 it causes an area of the brain to be stimulated that [br]in turn overstimulates a nerve called the Vagus nerve, 0:05:02.211,0:05:04.612 causing pain in the chest. 0:05:04.612,0:05:08.809 This chest pain is why people [br]say their heart has been broken. 0:05:08.809,0:05:14.012 It is easy to see how the pain receptors in the body[br]that would be the most affected by loss trauma 0:05:14.012,0:05:19.022 are the nerves associated with the chakra [br]and biological systems that deal with connection. 0:05:19.022,0:05:22.172 This, after all, is where the damage is. 0:05:22.172,0:05:25.462 Before we go on, I'm gonna [br]let some of you off of the hook. 0:05:25.462,0:05:28.803 It's really common in relationships,[br]though none of us wanna talk about it, 0:05:28.803,0:05:30.624 that when things go really south, 0:05:30.624,0:05:35.694 we start hoping that our partner[br]will just die in freak accident. 0:05:35.694,0:05:38.952 Don't worry, a lot of people think that way. 0:05:38.952,0:05:44.686 The reason is, is that all break-up is, [br]is a death of something, 0:05:44.686,0:05:47.684 it's a death of a part of yourself. 0:05:47.684,0:05:54.644 And when we don't feel like we have [br]the strength to willingly cause a death, 0:05:54.644,0:05:59.936 we hope it will happen unwillingly, or involuntarily. 0:05:59.936,0:06:01.875 That way we don't have to face the guilt. 0:06:01.875,0:06:03.480 We don't have to doubt ourselves. 0:06:03.480,0:06:07.556 We don't have to feel self-blame,[br]on top of the pain of the loss itself. 0:06:07.556,0:06:09.746 Even if it was the other person who chose to do it, 0:06:09.746,0:06:12.885 you're going to experience a death [br]of something that is a part of you. 0:06:12.885,0:06:18.705 What ensues is a grieving process much like the one[br]that happens when someone we love actually dies. 0:06:18.705,0:06:22.897 You're not just gonna wake up one day [br]and get over heartbreak. 0:06:22.897,0:06:26.937 Heartbreak is a trauma to the system [br]and like any other trauma, 0:06:26.937,0:06:33.077 the system has to go through a healing process [br]to get to a state of wholeness again. 0:06:33.077,0:06:37.307 You may decide to move on,[br]but that does not mean you have healed anything. 0:06:37.307,0:06:40.558 Trying to rush the process of healing [br]after you experience a breakup, 0:06:40.558,0:06:45.407 does not work anymore than it works to rush[br]the process of grieving after someone dies. 0:06:45.407,0:06:50.090 That being said, heartache, [br]does not have to last forever. 0:06:50.090,0:06:53.002 It doesn't even have to last for a long time. 0:06:53.002,0:06:56.757 And the more proactive [br]you are about your healing process, 0:06:56.757,0:07:00.809 obviously, the faster the healing process is going to go. 0:07:00.809,0:07:04.259 So what should you do [br]if you experience heartbreak? 0:07:04.259,0:07:09.008 Before we get into the list, it's important to know [br]that if the break-up was recent 0:07:09.008,0:07:13.519 and you're still in the shock and the grief of it, 0:07:13.519,0:07:17.439 stop living your life for this day or this week. 0:07:17.439,0:07:21.559 Start living for the next 5 minutes, or hour. 0:07:21.559,0:07:24.307 When life collapses [br]and we're in the wake of a major trauma, 0:07:24.307,0:07:29.470 we've got to reel it in and only plan [br]and live our life according to short increments. 0:07:29.470,0:07:32.490 What would make me feel better for the next 5 minutes, 0:07:32.490,0:07:36.667 what would feel like relief to do with the next hour. 0:07:36.667,0:07:39.631 So we're living minute to minute, and hour to hour. 0:07:39.631,0:07:43.754 And we can extend that [br]as time goes on and we feel capable. 0:07:43.754,0:07:45.792 And now for the list. 0:07:45.792,0:07:49.465 The first thing, is that you do not distract yourself. 0:07:49.465,0:07:52.121 This is a common thing [br]that people will try to tell you to do, 0:07:52.121,0:07:54.782 most especially your friends [br]when you're feeling heartbreak. 0:07:54.782,0:07:56.368 Let's distract ourselves by going hiking, 0:07:56.368,0:07:58.222 let's distract ourselves by playing a game. 0:07:58.222,0:08:00.222 Let's distract ourselves by drinking. 0:08:00.222,0:08:03.893 This will backfire immensely. 0:08:03.893,0:08:06.545 You've already lost an aspect of yourself. 0:08:06.545,0:08:12.612 If you go and bounce out on yourself, which is what [br]you're doing when you're distracting yourself, 0:08:12.612,0:08:15.664 you're just going to compound the wound [br]that has already occured. 0:08:15.664,0:08:18.804 Heartbreak is all consuming [br]and it's okay to let it be. 0:08:18.804,0:08:22.814 Sometimes to get to the other side of something, [br]we have to go straight into it. 0:08:22.814,0:08:26.316 Recognize that if you have[br]come together with somebody, 0:08:26.316,0:08:30.214 in order to form an attachment [br]kind of relationship with somebody, 0:08:30.214,0:08:36.845 most likely it is a compensation [br]for an aspect of yourself that you have lost already. 0:08:36.845,0:08:41.714 Subconsciously, being with that other person [br]makes you feel more whole in some way. 0:08:41.714,0:08:46.219 We must embark on a journey of restoring [br]our completeness, in and of ourselves. 0:08:46.219,0:08:49.186 We must turn our attention inward[br]and become whole again. 0:08:49.186,0:08:51.165 Do not mistake this for independence. 0:08:51.165,0:08:52.715 This is an interdependent universe. 0:08:52.715,0:08:56.598 Interdependence is not painful. [br]Independence is. 0:08:56.598,0:09:00.678 Autonomy on the other hand, [br]is a state of wholeness in and of itself. 0:09:00.678,0:09:05.995 In a state of wholeness we do not come together with[br]other people to make up for what is missing within us. 0:09:05.995,0:09:10.555 To be autonomous, we have to be [br]in a secure relationship with ourselves. 0:09:11.235,0:09:18.355 We have to take steps to insure [br]a secure relationship for ourselves, with ourselves. 0:09:18.355,0:09:21.935 And we have to take steps to become whole. 0:09:21.935,0:09:26.323 The worst thing you can do, [br]when you're in this phase of heartbreak, 0:09:26.323,0:09:30.419 is to jump right into another attachment type[br]of relationship with someone. 0:09:30.419,0:09:33.965 Especially if this is a romantic break-up[br]that we're talking about. 0:09:33.965,0:09:40.147 We can't do that straight away without[br]making the trauma that we're experiencing worse. 0:09:40.147,0:09:46.112 I'm developing a process currently, [br]that's called the completion process. 0:09:46.112,0:09:51.461 It's actually a process which is designed [br]to help us become whole again. 0:09:51.461,0:09:56.928 Hopefully, by the time you're watching this, [br]I will have completed that process already, 0:09:56.928,0:10:01.148 so that you can find it on the internet [br]and actually add that to your life. 0:10:01.148,0:10:07.190 Part of becoming whole is to come back to yourself,[br]to find yourself all over again. 0:10:07.190,0:10:08.880 Who am I? 0:10:08.880,0:10:10.849 What do I want? 0:10:10.849,0:10:13.469 What do I need? 0:10:13.469,0:10:16.494 What changes do I want to make to my life? 0:10:16.494,0:10:21.388 Think back to a time when you were truly happy[br]in an autonomous way in your life. 0:10:21.388,0:10:23.620 What things were you doing then? 0:10:23.620,0:10:26.349 Add some of those things back into your life. 0:10:26.349,0:10:31.641 Often, break-ups call for starting over as if[br]from square one and going in a whole new direction. 0:10:31.641,0:10:35.514 Our priorities have to shift, [br]we have to be willing to do that. 0:10:35.514,0:10:38.248 We have to take the steps [br]to feel like ourselves again, 0:10:38.248,0:10:40.380 because we have lost ourselves. 0:10:40.380,0:10:46.222 Even people who decide to end the relationship go [br]through a period of feeling lost without the other person. 0:10:46.222,0:10:49.163 If you're feeling lost, you can look [br]up my YouTube video titled: 0:10:49.163,0:10:53.204 "Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found" 0:10:53.204,0:10:57.087 3. Change up your life so it feels new. 0:10:57.087,0:11:03.803 This can be as drastic as moving to a whole new city, [br]getting a whole new job, starting a whole new life. 0:11:03.803,0:11:08.614 Or it can be something as simple [br]as rearranging the furniture in your house, redecorating. 0:11:08.614,0:11:10.089 We could cook new foods. 0:11:10.089,0:11:13.013 We could change something [br]about our physical appearance. 0:11:13.013,0:11:18.573 Changing things in your life around, especially things [br]that remind you of the pain of the loss, is crucial. 0:11:18.573,0:11:21.733 Don't be afraid to put away [br]the reminders you have of them. 0:11:21.733,0:11:25.224 This may feel scary because you don't want [br]to lose any more connection with them. 0:11:25.224,0:11:28.881 But remind yourself, [br]you're not burning the reminder of them, 0:11:28.881,0:11:31.115 unless you ofcourse need to do that to let go, 0:11:31.115,0:11:33.376 you're just boxing it up so it's out of sight. 0:11:33.376,0:11:35.483 You can still take it out any time you want to. 0:11:35.483,0:11:39.035 Or throw it away if and when the time ever feels right. 0:11:39.035,0:11:46.616 4. We have to adress our negative beliefs, like core[br]beliefs, that have occurred as a result of this pain. 0:11:46.616,0:11:48.908 Things like: "I'm never gonna trust anyone ever again." 0:11:48.908,0:11:51.555 or "I can't make relationships work." 0:11:51.555,0:11:55.456 We especially want to adress the 'shoulds'. 0:11:55.456,0:11:59.376 What causes us extreme amounts of pain, [br]when it comes to break-ups, 0:11:59.376,0:12:02.636 is the idea that it shouldn't be happening. 0:12:02.636,0:12:06.008 We 'should' be with this person for the rest of our life. 0:12:06.008,0:12:09.695 When we think that something 'should' happen, [br]and it's not happening. 0:12:09.695,0:12:13.380 That's a recipe for emotional disaster. 0:12:13.380,0:12:17.997 So for those of you that want to change these beliefs [br]once you discover what they are, 0:12:17.997,0:12:22.498 go look at my YouTube video titled: [br]"How to Change a Belief". 0:12:22.498,0:12:26.277 Also, look into Byron Katie's work. 0:12:26.277,0:12:31.318 Her process, which is actually called 'The Work', [br]is some of the best that I have found 0:12:31.318,0:12:37.624 when it comes to flipping around your thoughts in a way that you can see a perspective that you didn't see before. 0:12:37.624,0:12:40.999 5. Ask 'Why?' 0:12:40.999,0:12:45.239 Now, a lot of people who coach you through heartbreak[br]are going to tell you to avoid asking why, 0:12:45.239,0:12:48.469 to just drop it all together[br]because it's gonna cause you more pain. 0:12:48.469,0:12:50.550 I could not disagree more. 0:12:50.550,0:12:53.351 It's crucial that we ask [br]why something happened. 0:12:53.351,0:12:56.829 The understanding, in fact, will set us free. 0:12:56.829,0:13:00.275 Not only that, it's important that we learn[br]from every single experience that we have 0:13:00.275,0:13:05.078 so we don't repeat the same patterns [br]and exact the same mistakes again. 0:13:05.078,0:13:09.132 Whilst maintaining the understanding[br]that there's always a much more beautiful and positive 0:13:09.132,0:13:13.420 big picture behind why it ultimately happened,[br]it's crucial that we develop awareness. 0:13:14.230,0:13:20.001 Even when we say we don't know why [br]something happened, we almost always do know why. 0:13:20.001,0:13:23.693 It's just that we aren't admitting it to ourselves [br]because it's too painful. 0:13:23.693,0:13:27.071 6. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. 0:13:27.071,0:13:30.627 We may be telling ourselves the story [br]that they were in our lives for a reason, 0:13:30.627,0:13:36.453 like that they are our soulmate, when in fact they came[br]into our life for an entirely other reason. 0:13:36.453,0:13:39.873 Stay open to the idea that they have come [br]to give you part of the puzzle 0:13:39.873,0:13:44.133 and begin to look for what part or parts of the puzzle [br]they may have come to give you. 0:13:44.133,0:13:48.382 It is very tempting when we feel heartbroken[br]to feel like the world is against us. 0:13:48.382,0:13:51.679 Looking for the positive things [br]that came as a result of the relationship, 0:13:51.679,0:13:55.274 including what the relationship [br]caused you to know that you really want, 0:13:55.274,0:13:59.994 is a great way to get out of the feeling[br]that you have been nothing but harmed. 0:13:59.994,0:14:04.024 7. Sit down and figure out what is right with you. 0:14:04.024,0:14:07.013 When we experience a break-up of any kind, 0:14:07.013,0:14:10.323 usually our self-worth takes a major tank along with it. 0:14:10.323,0:14:15.085 We start telling ourselves the story[br]that there must be something wrong with us. 0:14:15.085,0:14:18.585 Not only that, when it comes to break-ups, [br]this is especially amplified. 0:14:18.585,0:14:25.076 Because obviously, if something wasn't wrong with us, [br]this wouldn't have happened. 0:14:25.076,0:14:31.405 We have to shift our focus to our strengths, [br]and the things that make us worth connecting with. 0:14:31.405,0:14:33.430 If we have a difficult time coming up with this list, 0:14:33.430,0:14:37.613 we can contact our friends [br]and have them each compile a list about us. 0:14:37.613,0:14:45.596 Then, with each item or each strength, we have [br]to figure out how that strength helps us in our life, 0:14:45.596,0:14:50.998 or why it might be beneficial to someone [br]who wants to be in a relationship with us. 0:14:50.998,0:14:55.846 8. Feel the support and connection[br]with other people in your life. 0:14:55.846,0:14:58.367 Find a community. 0:14:58.367,0:15:04.437 A break-up is the most painful thing [br]because it is a loss of connection. 0:15:04.437,0:15:06.507 Obviously, if you find connection in other ways, 0:15:06.507,0:15:10.510 we're not gonna be starving to death for connection [br]to such an extreme degree. 0:15:10.510,0:15:13.418 This is a perfect time to work on receiving energy. 0:15:13.418,0:15:18.313 If you have trouble with receiving, [br]watch my YouTube video titled: "How to receive". 0:15:18.313,0:15:24.170 This will also help you to feel like you're not alone, [br]so anxiety is less likely to be triggered. 0:15:24.170,0:15:27.962 You may not feel capable of connecting [br]with people in the state of pain that you're in, 0:15:27.962,0:15:31.946 but it will help you, because you're suffering [br]from the absence of someone. 0:15:31.946,0:15:36.256 Having the presence of someone [br]does help improve the situation. 0:15:36.256,0:15:39.189 9. Think about the best case scenario. 0:15:39.189,0:15:42.799 When we experience a break-up,[br]we instantly spiral into the worst case scenario 0:15:42.799,0:15:47.231 because our life is enduring a complete collapse. 0:15:47.231,0:15:54.056 Instead, we have to think about the best case scenario [br]in our lives in say a year from now. 0:15:54.056,0:15:55.261 What would we be doing? 0:15:55.261,0:15:57.291 Who would we be with? 0:15:57.291,0:16:02.121 What kinds of new aspects [br]would we see in our lives? 0:16:02.121,0:16:04.553 That's the kind of way[br]we need to start thinking. 0:16:04.553,0:16:08.460 Because the reality is, a break-up [br]may be a closing of one door, 0:16:08.460,0:16:10.742 but that means that another door has opened. 0:16:10.742,0:16:18.492 And just maybe, the door that has opened for you, is the[br]one which will let in what you've actually always wanted. 0:16:18.492,0:16:22.576 10. Let yourself cry when you feel the urge to cry. 0:16:22.576,0:16:27.143 Crying is a detoxification of pent up emotional energy. 0:16:27.143,0:16:30.142 Suppression is the opposite of healing. 0:16:30.142,0:16:35.092 Crying may feel embarrassing, but it's important[br]to get over the social stigma and let it out. 0:16:35.092,0:16:37.732 11. Relax your body. 0:16:37.732,0:16:42.552 Relaxing your body, relaxes the mind [br]and relaxing the mind relaxes the body. 0:16:42.552,0:16:44.024 It's a two way street. 0:16:44.024,0:16:48.554 We can use this to our advantage because often[br]when we're in the middle of a break-up, 0:16:48.554,0:16:51.925 we can't relax our mind [br]no matter what we try to do. 0:16:51.925,0:16:55.054 So we can try to relax our body instead. 0:16:55.054,0:16:59.174 We need to take whatever steps we can [br]to get our body into a state of ease. 0:16:59.174,0:17:02.612 This means: put on a song [br]that positively alters the way you feel. 0:17:02.612,0:17:03.834 Or get a massage. 0:17:03.834,0:17:06.635 Or do yoga, or exercise, 0:17:06.635,0:17:08.614 or paint or sculpt 0:17:08.614,0:17:11.505 or do breathing exercises specifically for stress 0:17:11.505,0:17:13.725 or taking Epsom Salt baths. 0:17:13.725,0:17:16.484 Do anything that would bring your body [br]into a state of ease. 0:17:17.344,0:17:20.546 12. Meditate daily. 0:17:20.546,0:17:25.716 Meditation enables us to release our thoughts [br]so our thoughts can stop. 0:17:25.716,0:17:28.666 It gives us an extreme amount of relief. 0:17:28.666,0:17:31.425 This is really important during a break-up. 0:17:31.425,0:17:37.952 It also allows us to connect with our Source aspect, [br]with the spiritual realms 0:17:37.952,0:17:41.368 and that enables us to see a bigger perspective. 0:17:41.368,0:17:46.856 That bigger perspective is, ofcourse, very important [br]when we're living a painful subjective reality. 0:17:46.856,0:17:52.198 Also, when we meditate, we come into a state of [br]allowing, which is the most healing of all states. 0:17:52.198,0:17:58.137 13. Write in our gratitude or our positive aspects journal. 0:17:58.137,0:18:02.676 When we experience a break-up, [br]the world essentially turns black. 0:18:02.676,0:18:06.273 We can't see any positive,[br]we can only focus on the negative 0:18:06.273,0:18:09.207 and we're spiraling out of control. 0:18:09.207,0:18:12.889 So one of the best things you can do,[br]especially first thing in the morning, 0:18:12.889,0:18:15.818 and last thing before you go to bed at night, 0:18:15.818,0:18:20.812 is to force yourself to write a full page [br]of things that you either feel grateful for, 0:18:20.812,0:18:26.523 appreciate or things that feel good[br]to think about or look at, or experience. 0:18:26.523,0:18:30.969 When you're in emotional pain, [br]it's best to think small. 0:18:30.969,0:18:35.393 Let's be honest, the big things in our life [br]aren't really going so well right now. 0:18:35.393,0:18:40.967 So what we have to do is to focus on the very little things which cause us to feel positive emotion 0:18:40.967,0:18:44.560 when we think about them or look at them [br]or when we experience them. 0:18:44.560,0:18:46.319 And be honest. 0:18:46.319,0:18:50.690 You can only put things on this list[br]that genuinely feel good to put down. 0:18:50.690,0:18:55.531 Not things you think you 'should' put down [br]because they 'should' feel good right now. 0:18:55.531,0:19:00.523 When we do this before bed, our sleep will be better and we will wake up in the same vibration we went to sleep in 0:19:00.523,0:19:02.087 which is improved. 0:19:02.087,0:19:05.202 When we wake up and do this, [br]we set the stage for the rest of the day. 0:19:05.202,0:19:08.755 This is especially important if we're going [br]through a heartbreak because when we're heartbroken, 0:19:08.755,0:19:12.682 we usually wake up and the heartbreak[br]hit us like a semi truck again 0:19:12.682,0:19:17.062 and the rest of the day we spend just trying to cope[br]and stay alive instead of living. 0:19:17.062,0:19:20.663 14. Practice the art of self-love. 0:19:20.663,0:19:25.614 Now, I'm fully aware, that when you're going [br]through a heartbreak because you've lost love 0:19:25.614,0:19:28.824 and somebody comes in and says "love yourself" 0:19:28.824,0:19:34.180 it feels horrible because it's almost like I'm telling you [br]"you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life". 0:19:34.180,0:19:36.273 But that's not what I'm saying. 0:19:36.273,0:19:39.224 This universe operates[br]according to the 'law of attraction'. 0:19:39.224,0:19:40.704 It is like a big mirror. 0:19:40.704,0:19:44.274 So whatever vibration we hold[br]is reflected by the universe. 0:19:44.274,0:19:47.243 So the more love we send in our own direction, 0:19:47.243,0:19:51.343 the more people will come into our life [br]who will also send love in our direction. 0:19:52.253,0:19:56.233 Self hurt is behind self hate. 0:19:56.233,0:19:59.145 So loving yourself will also [br]prevent you from hurting yourself, 0:19:59.145,0:20:04.941 which to add injury to injury, [br]is a common side effect of heartbreak. 0:20:04.941,0:20:11.746 I've written a book called "Shadows Before Dawn"[br]which is a book that teaches you how to love yourself. 0:20:11.746,0:20:15.456 It's scheduled for release in may of 2015. 0:20:15.456,0:20:19.446 So hopefully by the time you're watching this,[br]that book will be released. 0:20:19.446,0:20:21.648 If you'd like to learn how to love yourself. 0:20:21.648,0:20:23.469 Pick up a copy of the book. 0:20:23.469,0:20:27.219 15. We need to allow ourselves to gain closure. 0:20:27.219,0:20:32.158 So right now, ask yourself [br]"What do I need in order to gain closure?" 0:20:32.158,0:20:36.542 Figure out what loose ends are preventing you [br]from moving forward in your life. 0:20:36.542,0:20:38.651 Maybe your feel like you need to apologize. 0:20:38.651,0:20:41.060 Maybe you feel like you need to ask 'why'. 0:20:41.060,0:20:44.391 Maybe you need to find out[br]how to avoid the same mistake in the future. 0:20:44.391,0:20:47.037 Maybe you have to give something away [br]that you've been keeping. 0:20:47.037,0:20:49.470 Maybe you have to have a symbolic ceremony. 0:20:49.470,0:20:52.660 Let yourself gain closure in whatever way you need to. 0:20:52.660,0:20:55.920 16. Seek out therapy. 0:20:55.920,0:21:01.593 There are so many types of therapies that you wanna do research to find which one resonates the most with you. 0:21:01.593,0:21:03.295 But just for your information. 0:21:03.295,0:21:09.422 There are entire therapy modalities [br]which deal entirely with relationship loss. 0:21:09.422,0:21:14.883 If you have lost your secure attachment to somebody[br]because a relationships has ended, 0:21:14.883,0:21:19.383 or there's been a break-up regardless [br]of whether your relationship has ended or not, 0:21:19.383,0:21:23.715 a therapist can actually be [br]a secure attachment figure for you. 0:21:24.635,0:21:29.123 This is in fact the main reason [br]why therapy is so therapeutic. 0:21:29.123,0:21:31.724 We need to be able to get help [br]when we feel like we need help 0:21:31.724,0:21:34.384 and heartbreak is a valid reason to seek out help. 0:21:34.384,0:21:36.913 Allow yourself to feel sorry for your loss. 0:21:36.913,0:21:43.016 The people who stay stuck in heartbreak are usually the people who never fully let themselves grieve or feel sorry for the loss. 0:21:43.016,0:21:45.936 In reality, we are all made up of the same energy. 0:21:45.936,0:21:49.436 We are all a part of a unified energetic field. 0:21:49.436,0:21:53.105 And so, we cannot really lose anyone or anything. 0:21:53.105,0:21:57.636 We can only create the illusion [br]that we have lost that particular thing. 0:21:57.636,0:22:00.396 Ultimately there is no coming [br]and there is no going. 0:22:00.396,0:22:04.484 You cannot lose your interconnectedness[br]because it is the basis of all that is. 0:22:04.484,0:22:07.165 Pain is temporary. 0:22:07.165,0:22:09.145 It doesn't feel like it [br]when you're in the middle of it, 0:22:09.145,0:22:13.069 which is why pain is so incredibly excruciating. 0:22:13.069,0:22:17.027 But your pain is like a crying child. 0:22:17.027,0:22:18.906 Treat it like that. 0:22:18.906,0:22:21.669 Your pain is not trying to hurt you. 0:22:21.669,0:22:23.708 It is, instead, the one that is hurting. 0:22:23.708,0:22:26.240 And it is crying out for your help. 0:22:26.240,0:22:27.602 Have a good week.