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[ ♪ "Funny or Die" theme ♪ ]
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[ ♪ easy-listening jazz ♪ ]
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> Sorry I had to cancel a few times.
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I just -- [sighs] My mousepad broke last week
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and I had to get my great-aunt [br]some diabetes shoes, and —
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>> You know what, Zach? [br]It's no problem.
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I mean, I have to say, when I when I heard [br]that, like, people actually watch this show,
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I was actually pretty surprised.
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> [to PBO] Shh-shh!
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[to camera] Hi. Welcome to another [br]edition of "Between Two Ferns."
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I'm your host, Zach Galifianakis,
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and my guest today is Barack Oba — [br]President Barack Obama.
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>> Good to be with you, Zach.
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> First question: In 2013,[br]you pardoned a turkey.
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What do you have planned for 2014?
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>> We'll probably pardon another turkey.[br]We do that every Thanksgiving.
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Was that depressing to you?
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Seeing one turkey kind of taken out of[br]circulation? A turkey you couldn't eat?
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[awkward silence]
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> So how does this work?
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Do you send Ambassador Rodman [br]to North Korea on your behalf?
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I read somewhere that you'd be [br]sending Hulk Hogan to Syria;
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or is that more of a job for Tonya Harding?
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>> Zach, he's not our ambassador.
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> What should we do about North IKEA?[br]North K —
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>> Why don't we move on?
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[br]> I have to know, what is it like [br]to be the last black president?
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>> Seriously? What's it like for this to be [br]the last time you ever talk to a president?
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> It must kind of stink, though,[br]that you can't run you know three times.
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>> You know, actually, I think it's a good idea.
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You know, if I ran a third time, it would be [br]sort of like doing a third "Hangover" movie.
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That didn't really work out very well, did it?[br][awkward silence]
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I have to say that I've seen this show before
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and some of the episodes have [br]probably been a little bit better than this.
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You know, for example, the one with [br]Bradley Cooper. That was a great episode.
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> [mumbling] Bradley Cooper. [br]Everybody loves him.
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>> He kind of carried that movie, didn't he?[br]> Which -- which film are you speaking of?
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>> Those "Hangover" movies. [br]Basically, he carried them.
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> Yeah, everybody loves Bradley. [br]Good for him!
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>> Good-looking guy.
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> Being like that in Hollywood, that's easy.[br]Tall, handsome — That's easy.
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Be short, fat, and smell like Doritos[br]and try to make it in Hollywood.
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[papers rustling]
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Is it going to be hard in two years
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when you're no longer president and people [br]will stop letting you win at basketball?
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>> How does it feel [br]having a 3-inch vertical?
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> It's a 3-inch horizontal, so...[scoffs]
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[awkward silence]
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Where are you planning on [br]building a Presidential Library?
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In Hawaii? Or your home country of Kenya?
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Because, I mean, both places [br]seem like they would be —
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>> Zach, that's a ridiculous question.
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> Well, you know, I mean, not to[br]bring up the birth certificate thing,
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but you really never did really produce your —
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>> Where's your birth certificate?[br]Why don't you show it to us right now?
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> I don't want to show anybody my birth [br]certificate because it's embarrassing.
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>> What's embarrassing about it?
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> My weight on it. It says that I was[br]born at 7 pounds 800 ounces.
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You know what I would do if[br]I were president, Mr. President?
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I would make same-sex divorce illegal,[br]then see how bad they want it.
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>> I think that's why you're not [br]President, and that's a good thing.
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> You said if you had a son,[br]you would not let him play football.
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What makes you think that he would want to [br]play football? What if he was a nerd, like you?
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>> Do you think a woman like [br]Michelle would marry a nerd?
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Why don't you ask her [br]whether she thinks I'm a nerd?
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> Could I?[br]>> No. I'm not going to let her near you.
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> So do you go to any websites [br]that are dot-coms or dot-nets?
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Or do you mainly just stick with the dot-govs?
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>>Actually, we go to dot-govs. [br]Have you heard of healthcare.gov?
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> Here we go. [sighs heavily]
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Okay, let's get this out of the way. [br]What did you come here to plug?
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>> Well, first of all, I think it's fair to say
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[br]that I wouldn't be with you here today[br]if I didn't have something to plug.
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Have you heard of the Affordable Care Act?
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> Oh, yeah, I heard about that.[br]That's the thing that doesn't work.
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Why would you get the guy that created [br]the Zune to make your website?
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>> Healthcare.gov works great now,
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and millions of Americans have [br]already gotten health insurance plans.
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And what we want is for people to know [br]that you can get affordable health care.
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Most young Americans — [br]right now, they're not covered,
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and the truth is that they can get coverage
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all for what it costs you [br]to pay your cell phone bill.
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> Is this what they mean by drones?
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>> The point is that a lot of young people —[br]they think they're invincible.
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> Did you say in "invisible"? [br]Because, uh, I just think that's impossible.
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>> No, not invisible. Invincible,[br]meaning but they don't think they can get hurt.
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> I'm just saying that nobody could [br]be invisible, if you had said "invisible."
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>> I understand that.[br]> [clears throat]
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>> if they get that health insurance,[br]it can really make a big difference,
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and they've got to March 31st to sign up.
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> I don't have a computer, so how does —[br]>> Well, then you can call 1-800-318-2596.
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> I don't have a phone. I'm off the grid.
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I don't want you people, like looking [br]at my texts, if you know what I mean.
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>> First of all, Zach, [br]nobody's interested in your texts.
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But second of all, you can do it in person,
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and the law means that insurers [br]can't discriminate against you
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if you've got a pre-existing condition anymore.
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> Yeah, but what about —[br]What about this, though?
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[silence]
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>> That's disgusting. [br]How long have you had that?
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> Oh, just four months.
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>> Really?[br]> Spider bites. I got attacked by spiders.
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>> Zach, you need to [br]get that checked right away.
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You need to get on healthcare.gov
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because that's one of the most [br]disgusting things I've ever seen.
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> Is your plug finally over?[br]>> Uhhh ... I suppose so.
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> So which country were you [br]rooting for in the Winter Olympics?
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>> Seriously? I'm the President of the [br]United States. What do you think, Zach?
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[awkward silence]
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> I want to thank President Obama [br]for being on the show.
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>> I'm going to press this. [br]> Don't touch that, please.
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[loud buzz]
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[crumbling and crashing]
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[Zach groans]
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Thanks for the interview, and thanks for[br]letting me shoot my show here all these years.
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>> You've been shooting these shows [br]here in the Diplomatic Room?
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Who gave you permission to do that?[br]> Bush.
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>> Seriously?! Who gave him clearance?
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[awkward silence]
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> Watch the spider bite.[br]>> That's the other hand.
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> No, it's everywhere.
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[ ♪ easy-listening jazz ♪ ]
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[ ♪ ♪ ]
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[ ♪ "Funny or Die" theme ♪ ]
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sro [br]