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← Yeshara - Outspoken

Outspoken - A new short documentary series from the producers of "Seventh-Gay Adventists"


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Ukazujem Revíziu 16 vytvorenú 02/03/2017 od Stephen Eyer.

  1. So my name's Yeshara.
  2. I was born and raised
  3. here in California.
  4. This is,
  5. this is stuff
  6. I've actually like worked on
  7. -- these are completed
  8. songs if you will.
  9. I was home schooled
  10. my whole life and
  11. then transferred to Southern Adventist
  12. University in '09.
  13. This is my baby, Lorenzo.
  14. I got him when I was like, 19,
  15. so.
  16. We've been through
  17. the fray a little bit.
  18. Graduated in 2013
  19. with my Bachelors of Social Work
  20. and a Bachelor of Arts
  21. in International Studies.
  22. I am a pastor's kid.
  23. I am a home schooled,
  24. vegetarian,
  25. pastor's kid.
  26. I'm also from a Latino family,
  27. multiracial,
  28. but the culture's Puerto Rican.
  29. That works, alright.
  30. So...let me see if I can
    remember how this one goes

  31. because it's been a minute.
  32. But yeah,
  33. I grew up in church
  34. all the time.
  35. Saturday mornings
  36. we're the first ones there.
  37. You know Friday nights,
  38. Wednesday, if there was a
  39. Wednesday thing a lot of the
  40. time we'd be there.
  41. (Humming)
  42. When I was younger,
  43. I didn't even know what
  44. the concept of queer was.
  45. There --
  46. I don't think I understood
  47. there was such a thing until
  48. I was maybe 15.
  49. There was a lesbian couple
  50. at our church
  51. and I was friends with their kids.
  52. I was friends with them.
  53. I was friends with their kids.
  54. And I was just told it was wrong.
  55. And so, I remember having
  56. discussions and arguments with
  57. the kids--like.
  58. But it's wrong, and you know
  59. just because somebody is born
  60. a certain way doesn't mean it's okay.
  61. Like I didn't know argument,
  62. I was just kind of saying stuff,
  63. I was, I knew to say.
  64. (Singing) And she said, I'll love you more
  65. than you could know for sure.
  66. And even if I there was one,
  67. I wouldn't want the cure.
  68. I left my heart in the cold,
  69. to die alone,
  70. my love would grow --
  71. Ah, I messed up, hold on. (Laughs.)
  72. The way I realized I liked girls
  73. was that I liked a girl.
  74. Alright, let's try that again, hold on.
  75. So she was just like this beautiful,
  76. beautiful creature and
  77. I was just like, "huh".
  78. (Singing) And she said I'll love you more
  79. than you could know for sure.
  80. And even if there was one,
  81. I wouldn't want the cure.
  82. I left my heart in the cold,
  83. to die alone,
  84. my love would turn to stone.
  85. Oh...
  86. Now that I found you,
  87. I found home.
  88. Oh man, I messed up again!
  89. See, the worst thing about
  90. writing songs is that
  91. I never know my own lyrics.
  92. Let's do that one more time
  93. just one more time.
  94. My first kiss was a girl
  95. and I freaked.
  96. I mean I
  97. like I blew a gasket.
  98. I was, I was, I was crying
  99. all the time.
  100. I would be praying like nonstop.
  101. I was 24/7
  102. asking God forgiveness.
  103. I would go to church and feel
  104. like I was sinning by just
  105. waking up that morning, and it
  106. was always like I need to go to church.
  107. I always need to go to the front.
  108. I always need to go
  109. to the altar call, always need to be
  110. asking for forgiveness.
  111. Always, always, always.
  112. I always felt guilty.
  113. And I was like, see that's the
  114. Holy Spirit convicting me
  115. because it was wrong.
  116. So I accepted that framework
  117. that mindset
  118. but it started doing something
  119. really, really negative.
  120. I thought it was getting closer
  121. to God, and I was like seeking Him
  122. and I was like trying to
  123. really hang on to His Word.
  124. And I was reading the Bible a lot
  125. and then all of a sudden
  126. I just stopped.
  127. (Singing) And she said, I love you more
  128. than you could know for sure,
  129. And even if there was one,
  130. I wouldn't want the cure.
  131. But then I did something where,
  132. I just, I told myself
  133. leave everything you know behind.
  134. And come back,
  135. just in Christianity.
  136. I was like, pretend you're a new Christian.
  137. Pick up a Bible, like it's the
  138. first time you've ever picked it up.
  139. And I started reading
  140. in a very academic way.
  141. Very detached way,
  142. if you will, and just started
  143. reading the Bible, as a book.
  144. Not this,
  145. not the fourth deity.
  146. (Singing) I left my heart in the cold,
  147. to die alone.
  148. My love had grown to stone.
  149. Oh...
  150. And I just read it.
  151. And I got to, I think, Nehemiah
  152. and I was like, this stuff is in there?
  153. You know, like
  154. you read it as a kid--none of it
  155. makes any sense.
  156. Like what in the world is the
  157. book of Hosea doing in there
  158. for a child? You know,
  159. you're not gonna, he's like
  160. go marry a prostitute?
  161. Mom, Dad--you told me those were bad,
  162. you know, don't do that!
  163. Okay,
  164. why is Jesus, why is God
  165. telling somebody to go after
  166. a whore?
  167. You know that's what that says
  168. you know.
  169. Now, I love the book of Hosea
  170. and I realize the profundity of it
  171. and how beautiful a book it is
  172. about the unconditional love of God.
  173. Again, I've been able to learn
  174. about the principles behind the stories,
  175. not that the story
  176. itself should apply to me,
  177. but that the principle should
  178. apply to me.
  179. Love anyone and everyone,
  180. no matter what because
  181. God loves anyone and everyone,
  182. no matter what.
  183. I find that the hardest things
  184. I have to say often get
  185. expressed,
  186. they turn into songs for me.
  187. When I don't know how to say it,
  188. a melody will say
  189. what I can't say.
  190. So this one's "The Room at the Table".
  191. I wrote it in like
  192. a couple hours probably.
  193. This one was like really, really
  194. a quick write.
  195. Because all the right
  196. emotions and the right
  197. sentiments and thoughts were there,
  198. so I really feel like
  199. Jesus was like, here's words
  200. and it all just came out.
  201. So, alright.
  202. (Singing) Walk past the door
  203. and hear them sing
  204. But do those words mean anything?
  205. If it's called love, why does it hurt?
  206. Why do they tell me I'm not worth it?
  207. I used to be like music director
  208. at my old church, and
  209. when you're in that like
  210. zone.
  211. That's all I can describe it.
  212. You're in the zone, and you're
  213. playing the song, and you reach
  214. the note.
  215. That just takes you from
  216. you're playing at church
  217. to all of a sudden there are moments,
  218. I promise you,
  219. where I could hear the angels
  220. singing with us.
  221. And all of a sudden you
  222. feel like,
  223. oh my God, God is here.
  224. Right now.
  225. He's right here,
  226. the Spirit of God is
  227. in this note.
  228. Because what it means is
  229. everybody is together.
  230. There's unity among us.
  231. Everybody's singing the song together.
  232. Everybody's heart is in this song together.
  233. Everybody feels it.
  234. Everybody knows it.
  235. Everybody embraces it.
  236. And we're all about each other
  237. and God right now.
  238. It's a little piece of heaven.
  239. (Singing) A family of people who will
  240. catch you when you fall.
  241. Make room for more people
  242. to love and to hold.
  243. Let everyone know there's no need to be alone.
  244. There's room at the table,
  245. space to be seen,
  246. to know what God is and what love really means.
  247. Oh...
  248. So come sit next to me.
  249. I'm not going to ask you to
  250. give up your convictions.
  251. I'm asking you,
  252. can you respect that I have
  253. different ones from you?