Why winning doesn't always equal success
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0:01 - 0:03OK, I have a question for all of us.
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0:03 - 0:04You ready?
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0:05 - 0:07Is all winning success?
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0:07 - 0:09(Murmurs)
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0:09 - 0:10Oh.
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0:10 - 0:12(Laughter)
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0:12 - 0:14Whoa. OK.
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0:15 - 0:17I am the recently retired head coach
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0:17 - 0:20of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team,
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0:20 - 0:22a position that I held for 29 years.
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0:22 - 0:24(Applause)
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0:24 - 0:25Thank you.
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0:25 - 0:27And during my tenure,
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0:27 - 0:29I experienced a lot of winning.
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0:29 - 0:32I led our team to seven
National Championships, -
0:32 - 0:35I was inducted into
the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame -
0:35 - 0:38and I was even voted
the Coach of the Century -
0:38 - 0:40by the Pac-12 Conference.
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0:40 - 0:42(Applause)
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0:42 - 0:46Winning is really, really,
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0:46 - 0:48like, really, really fun.
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0:48 - 0:50(Laughter)
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0:50 - 0:53But I am here to share my insight:
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0:53 - 0:55winning does not always equal success.
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0:56 - 0:59All across America and around the world,
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0:59 - 1:01we have a crisis
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1:01 - 1:03in the win-at-all-cost cultures
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1:04 - 1:05that we have created.
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1:06 - 1:08In our schools,
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1:08 - 1:10in our businesses, in politics,
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1:10 - 1:13winning at all cost
has become acceptable. -
1:15 - 1:17As a society,
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1:17 - 1:20we honor the people
at the top of the pyramid. -
1:20 - 1:26We effusively applaud those people who win
championships and elections and awards. -
1:27 - 1:29But sadly, quite often,
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1:29 - 1:33those same people
are leaving their institutions -
1:33 - 1:35as damaged human beings.
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1:36 - 1:38Sadly, with straight A's,
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1:38 - 1:41kids are leaving school damaged.
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1:42 - 1:44With awards and medals,
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1:44 - 1:50athletes often leave their teams damaged,
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1:50 - 1:52emotionally, mentally,
not just physically. -
1:53 - 1:58And with huge profits, employees
often leave their companies damaged. -
1:59 - 2:03We have become so hyperfocused
on that end result, -
2:03 - 2:06and when the end result is a win,
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2:08 - 2:10the human component of how we got there
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2:10 - 2:14often gets swept under the proverbial rug,
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2:14 - 2:15and so does the damage.
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2:17 - 2:19So I'm calling for a time-out.
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2:19 - 2:20Time-out.
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2:21 - 2:23We need to redefine success.
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2:24 - 2:31Real success is developing
champions in life for our world, -
2:31 - 2:33win or lose.
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2:35 - 2:39(Applause)
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2:40 - 2:44Real success is developing
champions in life, -
2:44 - 2:45not for your team,
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2:45 - 2:47not for your business
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2:47 - 2:51and, I'm sad to tell you, not even
for your Christmas card bragging rights. -
2:52 - 2:54Sorry.
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2:54 - 2:55So how do we do this?
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2:56 - 3:00First of all, you may be able
to dictate your way to a win, -
3:00 - 3:04but you can't dictate your way to success.
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3:05 - 3:09Let me take you back to 1990,
when I was first appointed the head coach -
3:09 - 3:11of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team.
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3:11 - 3:15And I would like to share with you
that I've never done gymnastics. -
3:15 - 3:17I grew up in the world of ballet.
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3:17 - 3:20I have never done a cartwheel,
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3:20 - 3:23and I couldn't teach you
how to do a proper cartwheel. -
3:23 - 3:24(Laughter)
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3:24 - 3:25It's sadly true.
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3:25 - 3:31And I knew nothing about
how to develop a team culture. -
3:31 - 3:35The best I could do was mimic
other coaches who had won. -
3:36 - 3:38And so I became tough-talking,
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3:38 - 3:40tough-minded, relentless,
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3:41 - 3:43unsympathetic,
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3:43 - 3:45bullish, unempathetic
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3:46 - 3:49and oftentimes downright mean.
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3:50 - 3:54I acted like a head coach
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3:54 - 3:57whose only thought
was to figure out how to win. -
4:00 - 4:01My first few seasons as a head coach
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4:01 - 4:03were abysmal,
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4:03 - 4:07and after putting up with
my brash coaching style for a few years, -
4:07 - 4:09our team asked me for a team meeting.
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4:09 - 4:11Well, I love team meetings,
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4:11 - 4:13so I said, "Yay!
Let's have a team meeting." -
4:13 - 4:16And for two solid hours,
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4:16 - 4:22they gave me examples of how my arrogance
was hurtful and demeaning. -
4:23 - 4:24Yeah, not yay.
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4:26 - 4:27They explained to me
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4:27 - 4:29that they wanted to be supported,
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4:29 - 4:31not belittled.
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4:31 - 4:33They wanted to be
coached up, not torn down. -
4:33 - 4:36They wanted to be motivated,
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4:36 - 4:38not pressured or bullied.
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4:39 - 4:41That was my time-out,
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4:42 - 4:44and I chose to change.
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4:46 - 4:49Being a dogmatic dictator
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4:49 - 4:53may produce compliant,
good little soldiers, -
4:53 - 4:55but it doesn't develop champions in life.
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4:56 - 5:00It is so much easier, in any walk of life,
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5:00 - 5:03to dictate and give orders
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5:03 - 5:06than to actually figure out
how to motivate someone -
5:07 - 5:09to want to be better.
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5:09 - 5:11And the reason is -- we all know this --
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5:11 - 5:14motivation takes a really long time
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5:14 - 5:15to take root.
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5:16 - 5:18But when it does,
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5:18 - 5:20it is character-building
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5:20 - 5:22and life-altering.
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5:22 - 5:27I realized that I needed
to fortify our student-athletes -
5:27 - 5:29as whole human beings,
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5:30 - 5:32not just athletes who won.
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5:32 - 5:35So success for me shifted
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5:35 - 5:37from only focusing on winning
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5:38 - 5:40to developing my coaching philosophy,
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5:40 - 5:45which is developing champions
in life through sport. -
5:46 - 5:48And I knew if I did this well enough,
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5:48 - 5:51that champion mentality would translate
to the competition floor. -
5:52 - 5:53And it did.
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5:54 - 5:57The key ingredient was to develop trust
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5:58 - 6:00through patience,
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6:01 - 6:02respectful honesty
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6:04 - 6:05and accountability --
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6:06 - 6:09all of the ingredients
that go into tough love. -
6:11 - 6:13Speaking of tough love,
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6:13 - 6:16Katelyn Ohashi is
a perfect example of this. -
6:16 - 6:18You may have all seen her floor routine.
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6:18 - 6:22It has had over 150 million views.
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6:23 - 6:27And the consensus is,
her performance is pure joy. -
6:27 - 6:33However, when Katelyn came to UCLA,
she was broken in body, mind and spirit. -
6:34 - 6:39She had grown up in a stereotypical,
very high-level athletic world, -
6:40 - 6:42and she was damaged.
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6:43 - 6:46So when Katelyn came
to UCLA her freshman year, -
6:46 - 6:49she found her inner rebel quite well,
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6:50 - 6:53to the point where she was
no longer able to do gymnastics -
6:53 - 6:55at the level at which she was recruited.
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6:55 - 6:58And I will never forget
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6:58 - 7:01a team meeting we had
halfway through her freshman season. -
7:01 - 7:04We were in there with the team,
the coaching staff, the support staff, -
7:04 - 7:06sports psychologist,
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7:06 - 7:11and Katelyn very clearly
and unapologetically said, -
7:12 - 7:14"I just don't want to be great again."
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7:17 - 7:18I felt like I got sucker punched.
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7:20 - 7:22My first thought was,
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7:22 - 7:26"Then why the heck am I
going to honor your scholarship?" -
7:27 - 7:31It was a really snarky thought,
and thankfully I didn't say it out loud, -
7:31 - 7:34because then I had clarity.
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7:34 - 7:37Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics.
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7:37 - 7:41Katelyn hated everything
associated with being great. -
7:41 - 7:44Katelyn didn't want to be a winner,
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7:44 - 7:48because winning at all cost
had cost her her joy. -
7:50 - 7:54My job was to figure out
how to motivate her -
7:54 - 7:56to want to be great again,
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7:57 - 8:00by helping her redefine success.
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8:03 - 8:06My enthusiasm for that challenge
turned into determination -
8:06 - 8:10when one day Katelyn
looked me in the eye and said, -
8:10 - 8:12"Ms. Val, I just want you to know,
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8:12 - 8:15everything you tell me to do,
I do the exact opposite." -
8:15 - 8:18(Laughter)
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8:18 - 8:21Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn,
challenge accepted. OK. -
8:21 - 8:22(Laughter)
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8:23 - 8:27And further proof that dictating
was not going to win. -
8:27 - 8:30So I embarked on
the painfully slow process -
8:30 - 8:32of building trust
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8:32 - 8:35and proving to her that first and foremost
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8:35 - 8:38I cared about her as a whole human being.
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8:41 - 8:45Part of my strategy was to only talk
to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym. -
8:46 - 8:48Outside of the gym,
we talked about everything else: -
8:48 - 8:51school, boys, families,
friends, hobbies. -
8:51 - 8:55I encouraged her to find things
outside of her sport that brought her joy. -
8:56 - 8:59And it was so cool
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8:59 - 9:05to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi
literally blossom before our eyes. -
9:06 - 9:08And through that process,
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9:08 - 9:12she rediscovered her self-love
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9:12 - 9:13and self-worth.
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9:15 - 9:19And slowly, she was able to bring that joy
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9:19 - 9:21back to her gymnastics.
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9:23 - 9:27She went on to earn
the NCAA title on floor, -
9:27 - 9:31and she helped our team win
our seventh NCAA championship in 2018. -
9:33 - 9:34So --
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9:34 - 9:35Thank you.
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9:35 - 9:37(Applause)
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9:39 - 9:42So let's think about
the Katelyn Ohashis in your life. -
9:43 - 9:47Let's think about those people
under your care and your guidance. -
9:48 - 9:51What are you telling your kids
on the car ride home? -
9:53 - 9:55That car ride home
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9:55 - 9:58has much more impact than you know.
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10:00 - 10:02Are you focusing on the end result,
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10:03 - 10:05or are you excited to use that time
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10:05 - 10:07to help your child
develop into a champion? -
10:08 - 10:09It's very simple:
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10:09 - 10:11you will know you're focusing
on the end result -
10:11 - 10:14if you ask questions about the end result.
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10:14 - 10:15"Did you win?"
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10:16 - 10:18"How many points did you score?"
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10:18 - 10:20"Did you get an A?"
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10:22 - 10:28If you truly are motivated about helping
your child develop into a champion, -
10:28 - 10:31you will ask questions
about the experience -
10:31 - 10:32and the process,
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10:32 - 10:34like, "What did you learn today?"
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10:35 - 10:37"Did you help a teammate?"
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10:38 - 10:40And, my favorite question,
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10:40 - 10:43"Did you figure out how to have fun
at working really, really hard?" -
10:45 - 10:49And then the key is to be very still
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10:49 - 10:51and listen to their response.
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10:53 - 10:57I believe that one of the greatest gifts
we can give another human being -
10:57 - 11:00is to silence our minds
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11:00 - 11:02from the need to be right
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11:02 - 11:05or the need to formulate
the appropriate response -
11:05 - 11:07and truly listen
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11:07 - 11:09when someone else is talking.
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11:10 - 11:12And in silencing our minds,
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11:12 - 11:17we actually hear our own fears
and inadequacies, -
11:17 - 11:20which can help us formulate our response
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11:20 - 11:23with more clarity and empathy.
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11:26 - 11:28Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts,
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11:28 - 11:31is one of the greatest gymnasts
in the history of the sport. -
11:31 - 11:34She's the only athlete
to have earned the trifecta: -
11:34 - 11:36she's a national champion,
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11:36 - 11:38a world champion
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11:38 - 11:40and an Olympic champion.
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11:40 - 11:43She's also not one for small talk,
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11:43 - 11:46so I was a bit surprised one day
when she came to my office, -
11:46 - 11:47sat on the couch
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11:47 - 11:49and just started talking --
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11:49 - 11:51first about her major,
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11:51 - 11:53then about graduate school
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11:53 - 11:57and then about everything else
that seemed to pop into her mind. -
11:57 - 12:01My inner voice whispered to me
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12:01 - 12:03that something was on her mind,
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12:03 - 12:05and if I was still
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12:05 - 12:07and gave her enough time,
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12:07 - 12:09it would come out.
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12:10 - 12:11And it did.
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12:13 - 12:16It was the first time that Kyla
had shared with anyone -
12:18 - 12:21that she had been
sexually abused by Larry Nassar, -
12:22 - 12:25the former USA Gymnastics team doctor,
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12:25 - 12:29who was later convicted
of being a serial child molester. -
12:32 - 12:34Kyla came forward
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12:34 - 12:36and joined the army
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12:36 - 12:37of Nassar survivors
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12:38 - 12:41who shared their stories
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12:41 - 12:42and used their voices
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12:43 - 12:47to invoke positive change for our world.
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12:50 - 12:53I felt it was extremely
important at that time -
12:53 - 12:56to provide a safe space
for Kyla and our team. -
12:57 - 13:01And so I chose to talk about this
in a few team meetings. -
13:04 - 13:07Later that year, we won
the national championship, -
13:07 - 13:10and after we did, Kyla came up to me
and shared with me the fact -
13:10 - 13:13that she felt one reason that we'd won
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13:13 - 13:16was because we had addressed
the elephant in the room, -
13:16 - 13:20the tragedy that had
not only rocked the world -
13:20 - 13:25but that had liberated the truths
and the memories in herself -
13:25 - 13:27and in so many of her friends
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13:27 - 13:30and her peers.
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13:31 - 13:33As Kyla said,
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13:33 - 13:36"Ms. Val, I literally felt myself
walk taller as the season went on, -
13:38 - 13:41and when I walked onto that
championship floor, I felt invincible." -
13:41 - 13:43Simply --
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13:49 - 13:56(Applause)
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14:01 - 14:03Simply because she had been heard.
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14:06 - 14:09As parents, as coaches,
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14:09 - 14:11as leaders,
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14:11 - 14:14we can no longer lead from a place
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14:15 - 14:19where winning is
our only metric of success, -
14:19 - 14:23where our ego sits center stage,
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14:23 - 14:24because it has been proven
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14:24 - 14:28that that process produces
broken human beings. -
14:28 - 14:31And I emphatically know
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14:31 - 14:33that it is absolutely possible
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14:33 - 14:36to produce and train champions in life
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14:36 - 14:39in every single walk of life
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14:39 - 14:42without compromising the human spirit.
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14:44 - 14:48(Applause)
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14:51 - 14:54It starts with defining success
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14:54 - 14:58for yourself and those under your care
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14:59 - 15:02and then consistently
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15:02 - 15:07self-examining whether your actions
are in alignment with your goals. -
15:09 - 15:12We are all coaches in some capacity.
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15:13 - 15:17We all have a collective responsibility
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15:17 - 15:21to develop champions
in life for our world. -
15:22 - 15:25That is what real success looks like,
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15:26 - 15:27and in the world of athletics,
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15:28 - 15:31that is what we call a win-win.
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15:31 - 15:32Thank you.
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15:32 - 15:35(Applause)
- Title:
- Why winning doesn't always equal success
- Speaker:
- Valorie Kondos Field
- Description:
-
Valorie Kondos Field knows a lot about winning. As the longtime coach of the UCLA women's gymnastics team, she won championship after championship and has been widely acclaimed for her leadership. In this inspiring, brutally honest and, at times, gut-wrenching talk, she shares the secret to her success. Hint: it has nothing to do with "winning."
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 15:30
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Erin Gregory approved English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Camille Martínez accepted English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Why winning doesn't always equal success |