Beyond beauty | Layla Al Siyabi | TEDxYouth@DPSMIS

Living a life behind the camera and the stereotypes associated with beauty standards, Layla Al Siyabi tries to break down the reel from real.

Layla Al Siyabi is a fashion blogger and empowerment advocate

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Hi guys. How are you all doing?

I literally just flew from Muscat
to be here for you guys today.

Thank you for having me.

(Applause) (Cheers)

So I want to start off
by asking you all a question.

Do you guys have
a hard time being true to yourself?

Think about that for a minute,
and we will revisit this.

So over the years, I've had
a very hard time being myself.

To answer the question myself,
it would be a big "yes."

Because first of all,
I'm not your conventional Muslim woman.

Second of all, growing up, I didn't go
through anything that was conventional.

I came from a divorced family,

multicultural,

lived in a different country
than I was born in.

So all of these aspects set me apart
from the groups that I would usually see.

My name is Layla Al Siyabi,

and today, I would like to talk
to you guys about being beyond labels.

Let me take you guys back
to where I really felt very vulnerable

and very afraid of being myself.

It was the time when I first gave birth
to my first-born child.

I was twenty years old, and we had
other plans - me and my husband.

We said we'd travel together,

we'd do things together
before we really settled down with a kid,

but that was not the case.

So we had this baby,
and the first time I looked at her -

I know what they say,
you feel this ecstatic feeling

when you look at your child,
and you feel overwhelmed,

and they show you in movies -
it's like a dream come true,

but it was nothing like that for me.

It was nothing like that for me
when I looked at her.

(Applause)

There I was, a 20-year-old, young woman

looking down at this baby,
looking up at me crying,

and I was like, "What did
I just get myself into?

Am I going to be a good mother?

How am I going to balance out,
you know, having a -

am I even going to have a career?

Forget finishing my education."

I had all these dreams for myself,
which I felt like they were crumbling

because I just had this card dealt
in my life that I had no clue of.

So a couple of months went by,
I settled into being a mom,

with the help of my family,
of course, and my husband.

I was still searching for answers;
I was still looking around.

I was still thinking, "Okay,
I need to get my education done

while I have this baby at home."

Of course, I didn't go
the conventional way

and go to university with my friends.

They were having so much fun -
I would see it on Facebook -

and I would be like,
"Oh my God, are you serious?

You went partying here,
and then you went traveling there?"

And there I was, at home
with a baby, and I was feeling terrible,

and I didn't know who I was.

I didn't know at all, if I'm still
the Layla that I was before my twenties,

or what is happening to me right now.

So it took me a while to figure out
all these questions I had.

But one day I just stopped
scrolling through Facebook,

which is so bad for your health
when you're going through things,

and you're looking at other people
and other people's timelines.

I said, "I'm not going
to do this to myself.

I'm going to stop asking myself
all these questions,

and start doing things
before it's too late."

So I went on to get my business
and marketing degree, with a baby,

which was really, really hard.

I stayed awake at night, doing my work,

my essays, while in the morning,

I had to wake up with a baby
as my alarm clock.

Four years went on, I got my BBA,

and then I finally decided
that I should look into doing other things

because the corporate world
wasn't really fitting

into my picture with the mom life,

and I wasn't really keeping up
with all the timings,

and I had a hard time finding a maid.

So I was like, "I'm just going
to try to do things my way

because I've been doing that
for the past four years of my life,

and it has been working out great."

So I decided I'm going to try out
my love for photography.

I'm going to touch base with makeup
because I loved doing all of these things

before I had the baby,
so let's get back into the game.

And then finally, I decided
to come across fashion,

where I did some courses
on fashion design.

And then I went on ahead
and started styling people,

my friends, my cousins.

And people liked it, the women loved it,

because I wasn't dressing
the conventional women or the models.

I was dressing everyday women
that are like me.

We're not a size zero,
we're not tall, we're not blond,

and we're just everyday women with a hijab
and it was going pretty well.

So I said, "You know what, it's about time
I take it to the next level."

And I looked into opening
my own styling studio,

but things weren't looking very great
with having a baby

and still no proper help,
and being here with no extended family.

So I decided I'm going
to do something from home.

So I started doing things from home,
which worked out in my favor

because most of my friends
would be comfortable coming over,

and I would start styling them.

Couple of years went on,
and I started feeling pressured

in the fashion industry.

I looked around.

Even though this is in Doha,
but we have like a lot of cattiness

going on in the fashion industry -
it's just like anywhere else.

I looked around and I felt completely odd.

I felt different, and I said,
"You know what?"

And there was always a competition
between the people and the models,

and they always want to push
people off, even as an adult.

They want to push people off
that are different,

so that the more -

the more generic version
of the industry can go on.

So that is when I looked deep into myself,
and I said, "I'm not going to take this,

I'm going to put myself
on a broader platform

where I can connect with women
just like myself.

I'm pretty sure that there are many women
like myself that I can reach out to."

So I decided to put myself online.

And that is when I started
my platform "BeingLayla_A."

It is completely
about being true to myself

and talking about fashion,
beauty, lifestyle,

along with the realness
that comes with being a mom

and being an entrepreneur.

It's not all happy, golden days.

There are days
that I'm terribly off of plan.

Like today, I missed my flight
because my son, in the morning,

had a really bad tummy ache,
and he was vomiting, and I said,

"You know what, I can't go like this
without knowing he's going to be okay."

So I had to push my flight,
and then come here,

and I informed them
that I cannot go on for the first bit.

So you see, I kept customizing
my life until I'm here today.

And of course, along the way,
I realized my daughter was the best thing

that ever happened to me
because she made me see life -

(Applause)

She made me see life
in a completely different way.

She gave me a second chance to finding
this Layla in front of you today.

If I denied myself the right
to feel vulnerable, feel pressured,

or to ask those questions, then
I wouldn't be here in front of you today.

My advice to anyone that feels
like they're out-of-the-box,

I would say, being yourself doesn't mean
you can just do one thing.

It means being different,
and sticking to the decisions you make.

If you're on a journey
on finding yourself,

let me just tell you
it's not going to happen overnight,

it's not going to happen
maybe even in a year,

but the key is - major key alert:

the key is to stay true to yourself
and stick to those decisions

because eventually,

you're going to practice,
and you're going to make it through,

and you're going to have a habit
of not giving a damn

about what people say in the process.

(Applause)

I'm sorry I forgot to change my slides.

I think I'm not going to go
with the slides now.

So the other thing
about finding yourself in this world

is also the fact that you always
have to have a vision for yourself,

set goals for yourself, and stick to them.

Don't let anything
or anyone push you aside.

You can always fall off the wagon,
but then you can always get back on

because there are circumstances
that you cannot -

that's beyond your control.

There are higher powers out there,
so you better be aware of that.

Just always make plan A, B, C, D, E, F,
go up until Z, if you have to,

and that's going to help you
through your journey.

And some of the questions
that I asked myself when I got started

was, "Am I being true to myself?"

Being yourself doesn't mean that -

Everybody hears the term,
"be yourself," these days,

but what does it really mean
to be yourself in this day and age.

I don't think there is one way to do it.

And also, the way to look at it
is to say, "being true to yourself,"

because each time
you go through this journey,

you're just going
to be put against decisions

that are going to be -

either you're comfortable with
or uncomfortable with.

If you decide to take
the comfortable bits,

then know that it's not going to be easy.

You're going to feel vulnerable,
you're going to feel out-of-the-box,

you're going to feel like
people just don't get you.

And that's okay
because at the end of the day,

the price you pay is nothing
compared to what you gained.

And lastly, I would like to leave you
with the questions that I asked myself

when I got started:

"What am I doing to contribute to myself,
the world around me?"

"Am I being true to myself,
genuinely because of my happiness,

or is it to please others?"

"Am I living my life to the full potential
for myself and my family,

or is it for others?"

These are some of the questions
that I asked when I got started,

and I would love
for you guys to get started.

It's important that you get started
as soon as possible.

Do not doubt yourself,
do not wait around for the right time.

There are always going to be haters.

It comes with a big load
where people don't understand you.

They just don't get what you're doing.

Some people are going to be
against what you do, against what you say,

but that doesn't mean
you stop because of them.

You keep on going.

You build yourself up as you go along,
and you become brave.

So that's about it.

Thank you so much.

(Applause) (Cheers)