A couple dance that improves you | Martynas Stonys and Egle Regelskis | TEDxVilnius

Martynas Stonys and Egle Regelskis, dance instructors, show how couple dance, especially Lindy Hop, can improve people's lives in many aspects, making you a happier and a more confident person.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Egle Regelskis: Hello,
everybody! My name is Egle.

Martynas Stonys: And I'm Martynas.

ER: And we are Lindy Hop dance teachers,

but we call ourselves
simply "Lindy hoppers."

We have our dance studio
and work as full-time dancers.

MS: And we're going to tell you
how couple dancing

can improve your personality.

(Laughter)

ER: Yes, sure.
MS: Yes, sure.

ER: I'm going to give you four words,

and you're going to make your own sentence

at the end of our speech
with these four words, all right?

Here we go: "men,"

"women,"

"happy,"

"dance."

Most of you probably agree with me
that women, more than men, like to dance

or want to learn how to dance.

A woman usually asks
her husband, boyfriend,

roommate, a friend

to sign up for the dance classes
or just to move on the dance floor

at some party, doesn't she?

Not for all, but for some men,

first dance touch sometimes happens
before the wedding,

when the bride takes her groom
to learn a wedding waltz.

And in this case, this first touch
of dancing in a couple

sometimes is the last one.

And it's so sad!

Waiting for one of the happiest days
of your life to come is not very easy.

MS: But we see lots of people
dancing around us.

And they want more and more of it.

ER: That's what business
we are involved in.

MS: Helping people to dance
and dance more and more.

But when we started working
as full-time dance instructors,

I had a big question for myself,
"Why should people dance?

And why do people dance?
Why should I dance?"

I asked this question of my friend,

he was a 50-year-old American,

and he said he would lose his arm
if he could dance as I could.

And do you imagine that - losing
an arm for the ability to dance?

ER: That's horrible!

MS: But he couldn't say why.

And we started asking our students,

"Why do you come to class?
Why do you dance? Why do you like it?"

And they usually start with -

ER: They always say,
"I forget all the problems I have."

MS: Exactly! They come,
they dance, they relax,

because they are in this moment.

Actually, that's how Lindy Hop
came to this world.

It was the time of the Great
Depression in the States,

and people saved their last money

so that they could go on Friday night
and Saturday night to just dance

and forget all the problems
and troubles they had,

just to be happy.

ER: Do you think time has changed now?

MS: Do you think people
are so different now?

ER: Now.

(Laughter)

Well, I believe most of you like dancing

because you all have your favorite music
you like to move to it, right?

But if I ask you, "Do you prefer dancing
in a couple more than dancing solo?"

I'm sure most of you would think
that you don't know,

or you didn't learn how to dance.

That's why you would choose dancing solo.

MS: Because it's so much easier.

ER: Martynas and me,
we love dancing, a lot.

And we are here today
so that you all would fall in love

with dancing more than you are now.

Especially dancing in a couple.

MS: But why is dancing
and dancing in a couple so great?

First of all, of course, it's music.

Is there anyone who doesn't like music?

(Audience) No!

MS: Nice!

So, you hear your favorite song
on radio or YouTube or from your Ipod,

you tap your foot, you shake
your head, you want to clap.

That's it! You are already dancing!

That's how your dancing starts.

ER: So, it's a body movement.

We have our bodies,
and we want to use our bodies.

Why not sports?

Yeah, working out
in a gym is a lot of fun,

that's what so many people do ... not!

(Laughter)

So, sports is more about winning

and, for example, making love is not.

Sometimes the process itself
gives you more pleasure than the result.

So dancing is more
about being in the moment

than working out for a goal.

MS: But why not solo dancing
but couple dancing?

It's like comparing masturbation
to people making love.

(Laughter)

I'll show you.

(Laughter) (Applause)

Dancing, dancing -

ER: In dancing, guys, in dancing.

MS: So, here it's me dancing,
like simple steps.

I'm happy with myself,
and not maybe because it's me dancing.

But if I can dance this with Egle -

see, she's smiling naturally.

I'm smiling and it's
a completely different story.

It's fun sometimes to be alone,

but dancing with each other
gives you so much more fun.

And a couple dancing is a connection
between a man and a woman.

ER: Here we go, we had to see
a man and a woman.

Yeah, that's a connection.

MS: A boy and a girl.

(Laughter)

Or two women.

ER: You see? Two women can dance too.

MS: Or two men.

(Laughter)

She loves it.

ER: But why Lindy Hop?
Why do we dance Lindy Hop?

MS: Because it's jazz music.
It's jazz, period.

We can come together and dance
because we know rhythm.

And we can improvise it.

So no steps are important.

It's just by the rhythm, by the moment,
and giving influence to your partner.

ER: Or getting influence
from your partner.

You know that usually there is one leader
and one follower in a couple.

Usually there is in any couple dance.

And Lindy Hop is the same:
one leader and one follower.

MS: No, no, no, no.

MS and ER: One leader and one follower.

(Laughter)

ER: And you actually would be surprised
how women who are used to lead

and be first in their lives
or to be heads, necks in their families,

enjoy following after a while
or letting the man be the master,

at least while dancing.

But Lindy Hop wouldn't be
such a great dance

if I had to follow all the time
because I am a woman who likes to lead

or likes to be first,

and sometimes it's really hard
to shut me down.

But here's the thing
why I love Lindy Hop best.

Our dance is communication.

My partner says
what to do and how to do,

and I accept that.

But we both hear the music,
whatever it is.

Our dance is improvisation
and body communication,

how we feel this music.

So, I'm allowed to talk in my dancing.

Not all the time of course.

But I can say what I want to say
if I want to say.

MS: So, accepting these rules
makes our dancing more fun.

I'm showing her
the most I want to be done,

and how I want these moves to be done.

ER: So, because this dance
is about communication,

we socialize a lot.

And it looks like this: imagine
here is the social dancing party,

and I come to a person
I would like to ask for a dance,

a person I do not necessarily know

and say, "Hi! Want to dance?"

MS: Yeah, sure.

(Laughter)

ER: So we dance. We dance.

After one song, I or Martynas,
or someone else -

MS: Want more?
ER: Yes, sure.

So we dance more.

After a couple of songs,
I can say, "Thank you,"

and go to another person
I would like to dance with.

And, again, we dance,
we change, we dance, we change.

So, the more partners you change,

the more chances you get better dances.

MS: Oh come on! You should have limits.

ER: I do have limits,

but [not on] changing partners in dancing.

(Laughter)

Changing partners makes a better dancer

because you have to adjust
your body movements

to another's body movements.

And it makes you listen more than talk.

And when I start understanding
different body languages,

it gives me more
intelligence and confidence.

And you know, we have such students -

I won't lie, more men than women -
who don't hear the beat.

(Laughter)

They're always either slow
or either hurried, but never in the music.

They don't need music to dance actually.

And it's really hard to dance with them
if you hear the beat.

MS: And you could think
that for them to learn how to dance

is impossible, and you
wouldn't be right, actually.

Sometimes it takes a week,
sometimes it takes a month,

and sometimes it takes even a year,

but if they keep coming to classes,
if they just keep trying and keep dancing,

somehow they just feel their energy,
they just feel the beat, the rhythm,

and they start finally dancing.

ER: So the strangest thing is that they
still don't look very good in dancing,

but it's not the point.

The feeling is much more important.

So the feeling of dancing
with them is so much better.

That's why we say, "One can walk,

MS and ER: one can dance."

ER: Everyone can feel the music. Everyone.

And for them, for these guys,

it's really hard to manage
to sign up for the dance classes

because they know they can't dance,

but they want this so badly.

And they're very shy,
modest, quiet people,

and they think everybody around them
is so much better dancers,

so much better sellers,

so much better students,

so much better dancers -

people in general.

But when they train the skill
of how to communicate in a couple,

how to dance with another person,

they shine, they become more confident,

because they can ask
a completely unknown person to dance.

At least just one.

Or maybe two.

Or maybe find a girlfriend,
or maybe change their lives somehow.

MS: Look at us so many years ago.

(Laughter)

ER: It's just five years
because, before Lindy Hop,

we were not in a couple.

But Lindy Hop changed us.

Before knowing this dance,
I couldn't stand in front of 20 people

and read my report without blushing
and a shaky voice.

And look at us now!

Yeah, we're here.

I think we have a better
hair style now, right?

(Laughter)

But I'm not saying
I'm not nervous at the moment.

Standing here is the biggest
experience we've ever had

because in our class we have
up to 60 to 70 people -

and here it's a lot more. Yeah!

Lindy Hop changed you somehow.

MS: Yes, of course.

When I started dancing Lindy Hop,

or before that, I was shy
and not confident about myself

in all kinds of life situations.

You know, a big challenge for me

was buying a beer or drink at the bar.

You know this feeling
when the bartender doesn't see you at all?

ER: Awwww!

MS: Do you think that it impresses girls?

ER: Mm-hmm!

MS: I'm not saying I'm the first one
getting their drink now.

Usually it's Egle.

(Laughter)

Ladies first. Or unless I buy a drink
for her, so then I'm the first one.

ER: All right!

MS: But if we get into a situation
where we can dance,

and especially if I can dance with Egle,

we just improvise
and dance to any kind of music,

and then people look at us, they smile,

we get small talks;
girls talk to me a lot.

It's a big boost for my ego.

(Laughter)

ER: Yeah, so if you treat yourself
[with] this big of confidence,

at the beginning,

after you start knowing how to dance,
and communicate with other people,

another person,

you're going to treat yourself ...

[with] this big of confidence.

Plus, more intelligence and more listening

what you can give to other people
but not just get.

And then you evaluate yourself
as a better person,

you deserve to get a better life,
and you become more happy.

On the one hand, it's just a couple dance.

But all these things,
rules, changing partners,

asking what's wrong, asking what's right,

saying, "Thank you," improve people.

And instead of being a dancer -

here we go!

(Laughter)

And always looking down and shy and so on,

you become, or you can become,

a person and a dancer
from the big picture.

MS: And we had one student
who came to us and said,

"Thank you, thank you so much."

We asked, "Why? What happened?"

He said he was at some party
with his university friends, new friends,

and he picked up the most
beautiful girl at that party,

just because he could dance
with her like no one else

for two or three hours straight.

(Laughter)

Of course, the relationship
after that lasted for two weeks.

ER: That's not the point actually.

(Laughter)

They were happy dancing together.

All right, guys,
now we're going to show you

why we call Lindy Hop "The dance."

Yeah, that's ok.

I believe most of you know samba,

salsa, cha-cha, house, maybe funk.

We know most of these dances,
but we don't know the steps.

There's no need.

If you know how
to communicate in a couple,

you can dance most of these dances.

Pretty much. I mean, at least
you're able to move to that kind of music

because dancing, first of all,

is the rhythm and connection
between partners.

You don't need even
the steps sometimes, all right?

MS: Do you want to see some dancing?

ER: Yeah.
MS: Yeah.

ER: All right. Where is the music?

(Music)

MS: So we get slow swingers.

(Music stops)

Aaaaah!

ER: Again, please.

(Slow swing music)

Let's say this is our basic.

MS: And with this dance,
we are more happy than you are

because you watch and we dance.

And let's -

(Charleston music)

It's Charleston.

I know it's fast.

And remember when we told you

the rhythm is more important
than the dance and the dance steps.

Let's stop it.

ER: All right. I think we need
to repeat it again. Yes?

Let the music -

(Applause)

Let's do it again.

(Samba music)

MS: Ok, now we got some
South American rhythms.

And we can dance
and we can do the same thing.

ER: Yeah, but add some more hips,
and it looks like -

(Swing music)

MS: Music, music.

(Funk music)

Now we've got funk.

(House music)

Have you danced to house music?

Have you ever seen a couple
dancing to house music?

(Applause) (Cheers)

ER: Uh!

Audience: Ah!

(Applause)

That all was improvisation.

MS: Yeah, improvisation. Sure -

ER: And body connection.
And there is the music again.

MS: But, again, coming back
to the question,

"Why do people want to dance Lindy Hop?"

and "Why does this community
attract people so much?"

ER: Well, I think we found the answer.
This is not because of swing music.

MS: It's because it's pure improvisation.

ER: Yeah, very -

MS: Big improvisation.
And a huge variety of music.

And, of course, it's completely pure fun.

And no other meanings.

ER: Do you remember those four words
I gave you at the beginning of our speech?

You have to make your own sentence
with these four words.

I'm going to give you
my sentence. It's very easy.

Men and women are happy
when they dance together.

MS: Now it's your turn to start dancing.

ER: Thank you so much!
That was Martynas.

MS: And Egle.

(Applause)