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Showing Revision 34 created 01/26/2022 by ezizelmann.

  1. (Beep)
  2. (Screaming)
  3. (Jazzy intro)
  4. How does it feel to be the
  5. same sex as
  6. Donald Trump?
  7. How does it feel to be the
  8. same sex as
  9. Sarah Palin?
  10. How does it feel to be the
  11. same sex as
  12. Michelle Bachman?
  13. How does it feel to be the
  14. Same sex as anybody
  15. you disagree with?
  16. Why does it even matter
  17. whether or not you’re the
  18. same gender as somebody else?
  19. I mean, I’m also the same
  20. gender as Abraham Lincoln, Einstein,
  21. and the guy who introduced
  22. chocolate to the western world.
  23. So what are you even getting
  24. at with this question?
  25. Are you trying to say Donald Trump
  26. is bad, and Donald Trump
  27. is a man, therefore, men are bad?
  28. Why do you hate rom-coms?
  29. Or do you feel like you
  30. need to hate them?
  31. Everybody likes The Notebook,
  32. everybody likes Beyoncé.
  33. It’s just a fact.
  34. Men hate romantic comedies
  35. for the same reason you
  36. hate video games with
  37. over-sexualized female characters.
  38. The men in these movies are
  39. always willing to sacrifice
  40. their careers, their dreams,
  41. even their lives to win
  42. the lead females’ affection.
  43. Now, I don’t have any empirical
  44. data to back this up, but
  45. it seems to me that
  46. romantic comedies and
  47. romance movies in general
  48. cause women to have unrealistic
  49. expectations of men and what
  50. love should be like, and these
  51. become the expectations
  52. that men have to live up to.
  53. And it’s unfair.
  54. Feminists like to bitch
  55. about poor representation of women
  56. in media intended for men
  57. because they promote body issues
  58. and shit like that.
  59. And I agree, to at least an extent,
  60. but it's not any better for men.
  61. when we’re expected to be Prince Charming;
  62. ready and willing to sacrifice themselves
  63. physically, mentally, and emotionally,
  64. and we’re called selfish for daring to
  65. have our own desires,
  66. or even misogynistic for daring to draw
  67. attention to our own problems.
  68. These movies appeal to the female fantasy
  69. of having a knight in shining armor
  70. swear their entire existence to pleasing them,
  71. and thus reinforce these notions within
  72. their target audience of women like you
  73. that you somehow deserve and should expect
  74. to have your boyfriends and husbands
  75. give up everything that makes them who they are
  76. and basically dehumanize themselves
  77. for your pleasure and devote 100%
  78. of their time and energy to you.
  79. The fact that some of you watching
  80. this are scoffing at what I just
  81. said only proves my point.
  82. You have fooled yourselves into
  83. thinking that I'M somehow the one
  84. who's being selfish when I object to
  85. the notion that men should be expected
  86. to cave into all of your demands
  87. for the sake of your perverted,
  88. idealistic conception of love, and I
  89. have no doubts that some of you will
  90. accuse me of being bitter at some ex-girlfriend
  91. for saying that, but I'm not,
  92. and I will pre-emptively characterize
  93. such an argument as out-cropping of
  94. the very mentality that I'm talking about.
  95. You expect all of your demands to be
  96. catered to,
  97. and any man who is unwilling
  98. or unable to cater to them must
  99. have something wrong with THEM.
  100. Us men are human beings with
  101. our own interests and goals, and it's
  102. selfish for you to expect us to give all
  103. that up for you. But these movies condition
  104. you to expect exactly that, and that is
  105. why we hate romantic comedies. We don't see
  106. anything romantic about them. What we see
  107. is the reinforcement of unfair
  108. and unreasonable expectations about what we
  109. should be doing with our own lives.
  110. Also, f*** Beyonce.
  111. Why do you make women sit around
  112. and talk about men in movies,
  113. when ya'll easily just sit around and
  114. talk about boobs, for HOURS?
  115. One: I don't know. Maybe you
  116. should be asking the
  117. people who write the romantic comedies
  118. you like so much, because those
  119. are the movies which have
  120. women sitting around, talking about
  121. men. Or better yet,
  122. instead of complaining
  123. about how writers depict women
  124. in their movies, maybe you should
  125. try being the change you
  126. want to see, and write your
  127. own damn movie. Then, you could
  128. make the females characters sit around
  129. and talk about whatever you want,
  130. like how men are oppressing them,
  131. or how men are objectifying them,
  132. or how men are such pigs, or
  133. how men spread their legs too far
  134. apart on the subway, or how
  135. men hate romantic comedies.
  136. There's nothing stopping you.
  137. Two: You're referring to the
  138. Bechdel test, which is bulls**t.
  139. All the Twilight movies pass
  140. the Bechdel test, but I think you'd
  141. hesitate to call any of those movies
  142. pro-feminist.
  143. Three: I don't know a single guy
  144. who ever talks about boobs for hours
  145. at a time. I think the only guys who do
  146. are medical students learning how
  147. to conduct mammograms.
  148. You want to know what most of the men
  149. I know talk about? Movies,
  150. video games, politics, religion,
  151. music, sports, cars, boats,
  152. technology, work, guns, hunting,
  153. places they've been to,
  154. people they've met, and so on.
  155. The subject of boobs actually
  156. rarely ever comes up.
  157. Contrary to what you may have
  158. been told in your Women's Studies
  159. class, men don't think
  160. about sex constantly. If we did,
  161. we would never have invented
  162. the camera equipment you used
  163. to make this video.
  164. Four: If anybody is talking about
  165. boobs for hours at a time, it's
  166. feminists. You're the ones who
  167. are always whining about the designs
  168. of fictional characters, complaining
  169. that Batgirl's tits are too big.
  170. In all honesty, the only
  171. time I ever even think about
  172. a comic book character's tits is
  173. when I hear a feminist bring it up,
  174. so I think, maybe, you're projecting.
  175. Why do you automatically assume
  176. that you won't like TV or movies
  177. that star a female lead?
  178. We don't. In fact, some of my
  179. favorite movies and TV shows
  180. have female leads. I don't know a
  181. single man who has ever scoffed at
  182. the notion of watching a movie
  183. or TV show just because it has
  184. a female protagonist. However,
  185. I have seen feminists scoff
  186. at anything with a male lead.
  187. Why are you surprised when women
  188. are funny?
  189. I'm probably funnier
  190. than you!
  191. I'm not surprised when women are funny.
  192. There are plenty of funny women out
  193. there; Shoe0nHead, etc.
  194. But, I will say that women in general
  195. are not as funny as men, and I
  196. think most women will agree with
  197. that statement. I also think
  198. there's a reason for this. See,
  199. if you understand what humor is
  200. and how it works, which I'm guessing
  201. you don't, because you're feminists, then
  202. you know that the things that make people
  203. laugh often have their roots in very dark
  204. subject matter. To quote "The Amazing Atheist,"
  205. "These people who are f***ing offended
  206. by rape jokes don't even understand humor!
  207. They don't under- they think that humor is
  208. like, a happy thing, because humor makes
  209. us laugh, and laughter makes us happy!
  210. But a lot of the times, they don't seem to
  211. notice that what we're actually laughing at
  212. is quite dark and morbid. Like, if you
  213. actually look at it and examine the jokes,
  214. and look at the exaggeration and try to figure
  215. out the mechanics of how the joke works,
  216. why does it work, you're gonna find that
  217. a lot of jokes have their Genesis in
  218. pain and suffering. Because laughter
  219. is this great, transcendent tool we have
  220. where we can take something that's-
  221. that's bitter and difficult to comprehend
  222. or deal with, and make it something funny.
  223. Like if I take a joke like 'how many police
  224. officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
  225. None, they just beat the room for
  226. being black,' you know, that joke
  227. has its genesis in some very serious,
  228. very dark s***, and that joke is not making
  229. light of the fact that people have suffered,
  230. or its not making light of the fact that
  231. people, you know, marched in the
  232. Civil Rights Movement, or that people
  233. are racially discriminated against, or
  234. police brutality- it's not making light
  235. of any of that. What it's doing is
  236. it's taking that pain, and it's taking
  237. that dark subject matter, and it's
  238. helping us transcend it for a moment,
  239. and view the absurdity of our circumstance
  240. because that is what humor is supposed
  241. to do. Humor at its best takes
  242. the elements of the world that are
  243. dark and horrible and shows your their
  244. obsurdity. It shows you the absurdity
  245. of the human condition, and that is
  246. important."
  247. See, men are socially conditioned to
  248. not talk openly and honestly about their
  249. feelings, which I will talk
  250. more about later, and that's why
  251. we cultivate a sense of humor.
  252. The only way we can really talk
  253. about the things that upset us is if
  254. we do it through the filter
  255. of comedy, but women have the
  256. privilege to not be subject to such
  257. social conditioning, and so they
  258. don't feel the need to cultivate
  259. a sense of humor, and that's why women,
  260. in general, aren't as funny as men.
  261. That isn't to say that all men are funny,
  262. or that all women are unfunny. It's
  263. just that, in general, men are
  264. funnier than women. I'm sorry,
  265. but that's how it is. Also, no.
  266. I rather strongly doubt that
  267. you're funnier than me, and it's not
  268. because you're a woman. Just judging
  269. by how you look and talk, I'm willing to
  270. bet that your sense of humor
  271. boils down to saying something
  272. rude, and then following it
  273. with "just kidding." I mean,
  274. I'm not the funniest person in
  275. the world, but if you think of yourself
  276. as "the funny one," you probably lack
  277. the objectivity to realize that
  278. everybody else in your circle of
  279. friends probably thinks
  280. of you as the annoying one.
  281. Just kidding! Actually, I'm not.
  282. Why do you think that we're
  283. obsessed with you when we
  284. hook up? Nine times out of ten,
  285. I just want you to leave too; I'm busy,
  286. I got s*** to do.
  287. Probably because you do s***
  288. like text us 50 times in the space
  289. of one hour and slash our tires
  290. when we dump you after
  291. you accuse us of cheating
  292. because you saw our sister's name
  293. in our call history. Also,
  294. what s*** could you possibly have
  295. to do, pluck your eyebrows to the
  296. point where they're so unnaturally
  297. clean around the edges that
  298. they look like they're drawn on?
  299. Spend your husband's money on more
  300. frumpy sweaters? Buy a tub of
  301. Ben and Jerry's and watch Glee?
  302. Or write more lame questions
  303. for men to answer because you're
  304. so lacking in self-awareness that you
  305. can't figure out the answers for
  306. yourself?
  307. Why can't I sleep with as many
  308. people as I want to without
  309. being judged?
  310. When men do it, they're congratulated.
  311. Go ahead and sleep with as
  312. many people as you want.
  313. I don't give a s***, and,
  314. once again, I don't know anybody
  315. who would. The only time I would
  316. care is if I was dating you,
  317. because if you told me you've been
  318. with 20 other guys before
  319. I met you, I would naturally assume
  320. that there's something wrong
  321. with you if you've been in so
  322. many relationships
  323. and had them all fail.
  324. Not to mention the fact that you're
  325. substaintially more likely to be carrying
  326. an STD, and I think it's perfectly
  327. reasonable for a woman to view men
  328. who have slept with a lot of other women
  329. the same way.