[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.100,0:00:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three planes, 25 hours, 10,000 miles.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.10,0:00:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dad gets off a flight from Australia\Nwith one thing in mind
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.83,0:00:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's not a snack or a shower or a nap.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.36,0:00:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's November 2016
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.80,0:00:28.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Dad is here to talk to Americans\Nabout the election.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.46,0:00:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Dad's a news fiend, but for him,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.83,0:00:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is not just red or blue,\Nswing states or party platforms.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.66,0:00:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He has some really specific intentions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.06,0:00:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He wants to listen,\Nbe heard and understand.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.86,0:00:46.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over two weeks,\Nhe has hundreds of conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.76,0:00:49.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with Americans from\NNew Hampshire to Miami.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.76,0:00:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of them are tough conversations,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.63,0:00:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,complete differences of opinions,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.40,0:00:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wildly different worldviews,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.93,0:01:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,radically opposite life experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.40,0:01:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in all of those interactions,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.20,0:01:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad walks away\Nwith a big smile on his face
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.83,0:01:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so does the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.83,0:01:09.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can see one of them here.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.03,0:01:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in those interactions,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.43,0:01:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's having a version\Nof what it seems like we have less of,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.93,0:01:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but want more of --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.66,0:01:21.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a constructive conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.93,0:01:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have more ways than ever to connect.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.50,0:01:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, politically, ideologically,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.30,0:01:30.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it feels like we are further\Nand further apart.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.86,0:01:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tell pollsters that we want\Npoliticians who are open-minded.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.56,0:01:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet when they change\Ntheir point of view,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.06,0:01:40.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we say that they lacked conviction.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.26,0:01:43.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For us, when we're confronted\Nwith information
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.63,0:01:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that challenges an existing worldview,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.10,0:01:50.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our tendency is not to open up,\Nit's to double down.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.86,0:01:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We even have a term for it\Nin social psychology.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.50,0:01:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called belief perseverance.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.73,0:02:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And boy, do some people's beliefs\Nseem to persevere.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.36,0:02:05.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm no stranger to tough conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.60,0:02:08.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got my start in what I now call\Nproductive disagreement
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.03,0:02:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in high school debate.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.46,0:02:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I even went on to win
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.80,0:02:14.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the World Schools Debate\NChampionship three times.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.93,0:02:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been in a lot of arguments,\Nis what I'm saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.53,0:02:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it took watching my dad\Non the streets of the US
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.16,0:02:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to understand\Nthat we need to figure out
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.20,0:02:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how we go into conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.13,0:02:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not looking for the victory,\Nbut the progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.23,0:02:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so since November 2016,\Nthat's what I've been doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.46,0:02:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Working with governments,\Nfoundations, corporations, families,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.100,0:02:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to uncover the tools and techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.23,0:02:45.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that allow us to talk when it feels\Nlike the divide is unbridgeable.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.10,0:02:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And constructive conversations\Nthat really move the dialogue forward
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.23,0:02:54.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have these same three essential features.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.33,0:02:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, at least one party\Nin the conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.26,0:03:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is willing to choose curiosity over clash.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.50,0:03:08.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're open to the idea\Nthat the discussion is a climbing wall,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.56,0:03:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not a cage fight,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.20,0:03:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they'll make progress over time
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.90,0:03:19.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and are able to anchor all of that\Nin purpose of the discussion.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.50,0:03:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For someone trained in formal debate,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.100,0:03:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is so tempting to run headlong\Nat the disagreement.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.23,0:03:29.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, we call that clash
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.46,0:03:31.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in formal argumentation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.43,0:03:34.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a punishable offense\Nif there's not enough of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.56,0:03:36.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I've noticed,\Nyou've probably noticed, too,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.90,0:03:41.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that in real life that tends\Nto make people shut down,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.43,0:03:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just from the conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.50,0:03:46.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but even from the relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.33,0:03:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's actually one of the causes\Nof unfriending, online and off.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.43,0:03:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead, you might consider a technique
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.36,0:03:58.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,made popular by the Hollywood\Nproducer Brian Grazer,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.36,0:04:00.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the curiosity conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.03,0:04:04.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the whole point\Nof a curiosity conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.60,0:04:07.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to understand\Nthe other person's perspective,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.73,0:04:10.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see what's on their side of the fence.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.03,0:04:12.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the next time
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.93,0:04:18.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that someone says something\Nyou instinctively disagree with,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.23,0:04:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you react violently to,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.50,0:04:25.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you only need one sentence\Nand one question:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.76,0:04:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,“I never thought about it\Nexactly that way before.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.73,0:04:33.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can you share\Nthat would help me see what you see?”
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.40,0:04:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's remarkable\Nabout curiosity conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.43,0:04:42.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the people you are curious about\Ntend to become curious about you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.60,0:04:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether it's a friendly\NAustralian gentleman,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.43,0:04:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a political foe or a corporate rival,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.16,0:04:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they begin to wonder\Nwhat it is that you see
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.60,0:04:53.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whether they could see it to.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.66,0:04:58.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Constructive conversations\Naren't a one-shot deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.26,0:05:04.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you go into an encounter\Nexpecting everyone to walk out
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.36,0:05:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the same point of view\Nthat you walked in with,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.40,0:05:09.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's really no chance for progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.46,0:05:15.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, we need to think\Nabout conversations as a climbing wall
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.66,0:05:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do a variant of what\Nmy dad did during this trip,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.100,0:05:21.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pocketing a little nugget\Nof information here,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.03,0:05:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,adapting his approach there.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.26,0:05:27.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's actually a technique\Nborrowed from formal debate
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.26,0:05:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you present an idea,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.36,0:05:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's attacked and you adapt\Nand re-explain,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.96,0:05:34.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's attacked again,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.26,0:05:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you adapt and re-explain.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.23,0:05:40.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The whole expectation\Nis that your idea gets better
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.73,0:05:43.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through challenge and criticism.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.70,0:05:49.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the evidence from really high-stakes\Ninternational negotiations
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.40,0:05:52.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suggests that that's what successful\Nnegotiators do as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.86,0:05:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They go into conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.96,0:05:58.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,expecting to learn from the challenges\Nthat they will receive
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.83,0:06:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to use objections to make their ideas\Nand proposals better.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.73,0:06:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Development is in some way a service\Nthat we can do for others
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.20,0:06:11.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that others can do for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.100,0:06:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes the ideas sharper,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.56,0:06:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the relationships warmer.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.40,0:06:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Curiosity can be relationship magic
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.40,0:06:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and development can be\Nrocket fuel for your ideas.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.86,0:06:27.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there are some situations
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.46,0:06:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where it just feels\Nlike it's not worth the bother.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.90,0:06:35.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in those cases
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.30,0:06:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be because the purpose\Nof the discussion isn't clear.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.63,0:06:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think back to how my dad\Nwent into those conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.36,0:06:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a really clear sense of purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.06,0:06:50.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was there to learn, to listen,\Nto share his point of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.70,0:06:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And once that purpose\Nis understood by both parties,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.80,0:06:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you can begin to move on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.96,0:06:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lay out our vision for the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.96,0:07:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Make a decision.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.36,0:07:01.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get funding.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.76,0:07:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you can move on to principles.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.70,0:07:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When people shared with my dad\Ntheir hopes for America,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.46,0:07:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's where they started\Nwith the big picture,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.96,0:07:18.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not with personality\Nor politics or policies.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.70,0:07:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because inadvertently\Nthey were doing something
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.56,0:07:25.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we do naturally with outsiders
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.26,0:07:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and find it really difficult sometimes\Nto do with insiders.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.73,0:07:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They painted in broad strokes
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.26,0:07:36.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before digging into the details.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.56,0:07:40.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But maybe you live in the same\Nzip code or the same house
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.16,0:07:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it feels like none\Nof that common ground is there today.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.96,0:07:49.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you might consider a version\Nof disagreement time travel,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.56,0:07:55.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,asking your counterpart to articulate\Nwhat kind of neighborhood, country,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.76,0:07:57.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,world, community,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.93,0:08:00.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they want a year from now,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.10,0:08:01.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a decade from now.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.20,0:08:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very tempting\Nto dwell in present tensions
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.46,0:08:08.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get bogged down in practicalities.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.76,0:08:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Inviting people to inhabit\Na future possibility
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.50,0:08:17.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,opens up the chance\Nof a conversation with purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.80,0:08:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Earlier in my career,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.96,0:08:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I worked for the deputy\Nprime minister of New Zealand
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.50,0:08:24.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who practiced a version of this technique.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.53,0:08:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,New Zealand's electoral system\Nis designed for unlikely friendships,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.96,0:08:31.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coalitions, alliances,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.76,0:08:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,memoranda of understanding\Nare almost inevitable.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.16,0:08:39.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this particular government set-up\Nhad some of almost everything --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.83,0:08:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,small government conservatives, liberals,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.36,0:08:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Indigenous people's party,\Nthe Green Party.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.36,0:08:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I recently asked him,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.63,0:08:50.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what does it take to bring\Na group like that together
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.16,0:08:52.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but hold them together?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.10,0:08:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "Someone, you,\Nhas to take responsibility
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.10,0:09:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for reminding them\Nof their shared purpose:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.73,0:09:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,caring for people.”
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.40,0:09:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we are more focused\Non what makes us different than the same,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.73,0:09:12.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then every debate is a fight.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.06,0:09:17.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we put our challenges\Nand our problems before us,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.86,0:09:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then every potential ally\Nbecomes an adversary.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.50,0:09:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as my dad packed his bags\Nfor the three flights, 25 hours,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.66,0:09:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,10,000 miles back to Australia,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.30,0:09:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was also packing a collection\Nof new perspectives,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.70,0:09:39.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a new way of navigating conversations,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.43,0:09:43.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a whole set of new stories\Nand experiences to share.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.46,0:09:47.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he was also leaving those behind
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.06,0:09:49.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with everyone that he'd interacted with.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.66,0:09:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We love unlikely friendships\Nwhen they look like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.63,0:09:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've just forgotten how to make them.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.03,0:10:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And amid the cacophony of cable news
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.43,0:10:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the awkwardness of family dinners,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.93,0:10:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the hostility of corporate meetings,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.50,0:10:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,each of us has this --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.13,0:10:13.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the opportunity\Nto walk into every encounter,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.66,0:10:15.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like my dad walked off that plane,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.100,0:10:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to choose curiosity over clash,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.83,0:10:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to expect development\Nof your ideas through discussion
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.26,0:10:27.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to anchor in common purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.10,0:10:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what really\Nworld-class persuaders do
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.16,0:10:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to build constructive conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.93,0:10:34.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and move them forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.73,0:10:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's how our world will move forward too.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.46,0:10:38.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.